Episodes
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In this episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common—and most misunderstood—pieces of advice given to submissives: “Know your wants and needs.” But what does that really mean, and how do you figure out the difference? You’ll learn how to identify your core needs, why honoring them is essential to a healthy D/s relationship, and what happens when you settle for less than what truly fulfills you.
We’ll also explore common submissive-specific needs, how to communicate them, and how to check in with yourself (and your partner) as those needs evolve. Whether you're new to submission or deepening your dynamic, this episode will help you reflect, realign, and reclaim your right to have your needs met.
📝 Topics covered:
The difference between wants and needWhy needs matter more than you thinkHow unmet needs impact submission and mental healthNeeds specific to D/s and power exchangeWhy settling is harmful (even if the dynamic feels “good enough”)Tools for identifying and ranking your needsReflection prompts and next stepsRead the full version on Submissive Guide
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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This episode challenges the myth of the “perfect submissive” and explores how chasing flawlessness can lead to burnout, self-doubt, and disconnection. Instead of striving for an impossible ideal, submissives are encouraged to embrace authenticity, growth, and the beauty of their unique journey. Real submission isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, vulnerable, and enough just as you are.
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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Episodes manquant?
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Using your safeword is never something to be afraid of. While it may sometimes mean stopping the scene, it also prevents you from going to places you’re not ready to explore. Yet, guilt or self-disappointment can make using a safeword feel like a failure for many. Fortunately, there are ways to address the guilt, disappointment, or fear around using or not using your safeword when it truly matters.
Thoughts to Ponder
What is your opinion about safewords? What value do they have in a relationship?If you have withheld a safeword in the past, why did you do it? What were you trying to gain by doing so?What other issues arise from using your safeword?
Things You Need to Know: Why Safewords Are Not SafeSome Thoughts About Safewords
Interesting Links🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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Most people say ‘sorry’ or ‘I’m sorry’ far too often. You’re probably aware of whether this is an issue for you. If you struggle with frequent apologizing, you may need to take a different approach to find ways to express what you really mean.
The Art of Apology Series - Submissive Guide
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Sub drop is a natural part of the BDSM experience, but it doesn't have to derail your enjoyment. Learn how to recognize the signs, prevent severe symptoms, and create a personalized aftercare plan that supports both your physical and emotional recovery. From building a drop kit to mastering self-care strategies, this guide empowers you to take control of your well-being and embrace every part of the journey with confidence.
Hormone Junkies Series:
AdrenalineOxytocinTestosteroneEndorphinsMore Resources:
Sub Drop in Long-term relationshipsWhat is Aftercare, Why Do You Need It, and How to Ask for ItSix Important Activities to Include in Your Aftercare RoutineSelf-AftercareSubmissive Guide FetLife GroupGet Your Copy of “Becoming a Service Submissive” Today!
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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We’ll cover the complexities of online submission, offering various safe environments to explore and learn the nuances of BDSM and discuss the potential benefits and dangers. We’ll help you navigate the online BDSM landscape with confidence and care.
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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Looking for Submissive Guide elsewhere?
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A question I see asked all the time is, "How can I be a better submissive?" Here are a few things you can do to improve your submission and service without much work.
Resources -
Non-sexual Service and How To Add It To Your DynamicHow Making a Cup of Coffee Centers MeRitual Ideas: High Tea, Japanese Tea Ceremony and Formal Dining3 Reasons a "Perpetual Student" Mindset Is Vital to KinkCreate SMART Goals For Your New Year's Resolutions and Reach Your Goals This Year!The Importance of Journaling Your Submission5 Simple Steps to Creating a Personal Submissive Mantra365 Days of SubmissionLearning Good Observation Skills for Better Submissive AwarenessEntering the Community: The Different Ways to Socialize with Local KinkstersFinding Your Submissive Voice: Speak Up for Better, Honest CommunicationActive Submission Means Always Improving YourselfA Submissive's Prime Directive: Take Care of the PropertySubmissive Guide Fet🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Let's discuss how to build healthy communication skills in our D/s relationship and what a safe environment for difficult conversations looks like. I’ll give you the tools to develop a report with your partner that is full of trust, shared vulnerability, and compassion. You’ll learn that a safe environment for those challenging talks requires planning and mutual agreements to work as they should.
Resources:
Conversation Starters for Difficult Conversations: https://www.wikihow.com/images/sampledocs/f/Conversation-Starters-for-Difficult-Conversations.pdf
Kink Friendly Therapists:
Psychology Today - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sex-positive-kink-alliedKink Friendly Therapy - http://kinkfriendlytherapy.com/resources-3/resources/Kink Aware Professionals Directory - https://www.kapprofessionals.org/Domestic Abuse Hotlines:
US: https://www.thehotline.org/
UK: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
EU: https://www.improve-horizon.eu/helplines
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Often, we discover our desire to be submissive or kinky when we are already in a relationship and are not sure really how to proceed with that. Let’s cover what you should do to prepare to talk to your partner about your newfound interest, how you can encourage a submissive mindset on your own, and how you can slowly bring kink into the bedroom.
Read the article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/making-him-the-dom-of-your-dreams-working-with-the-man-you-haveInitiating a Discussion about BDSM with Your Partner:
Initiating a Discussion about BDSM Interest with Your Partner - ted_subby - Part 1 of a 3-part series. Highly recommended.Ask SehAnru | Communicating Kinky Needs to a Vanilla Partner - SehAnruEstablishing a Safe, Trusting Environment for Talk - lunaKMResources:
Recommended Reading ListsCreating a Personal Submissive Protocol
Join our Discord Server - https://subgui.de/chat🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Receiving your collar is a special occasion for many submissives and slaves. When a collar comes into view, some people want to commemorate that with a ceremony. Let’s discuss collars, their symbolism in D/s and M/s relationships, and how you can build a formal ceremony around declaring your commitment to each other.
Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/how-to-plan-a-formal-collaring-ceremony
Resources:
Expectations of a Collar: How Ready Are You to Accept One?
Here is a list of collaring ceremony stories I found online to get you started in your research to build your ceremony.
Our Ceremony of Roses, Vow Renewal, and Re-collaring by Mrs DarlingOur Collaring Ceremony on the space betweenMy collaring ceremony script from my polyamorous commitment ceremony on Offbeat WedPlanning Our Collaring Ceremony on The ChateauCollaring Ceremony and Ceremony of the Roses on House of DaseinCeremony From The Heart: The Collaring Ceremony by Norische🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Let’s break down what topping from the bottom is, why it’s so bad, how it can be good, and learn some tricks to stop the poor behavior in its tracks that leads to it.
Arcane Advice article on Topping from the Bottom: https://arcaneadvice.com/all-lessons-a-z/topping-from-the-bottom-why-its-bad-and-when-its-good/Resistance Play: https://www.kinkly.com/definition/810/resistance-playHealthy Communication Skills on Submissive Guide: https://submissiveguide.com/search?query=healthy+communication
Read the article: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/why-you-should-know-the-truth-about-topping-from-the-bottom
Chat with the Discord community! https://subgui.de/chat
Resources:🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Communication is a key topic to developing and maintaining healthy, open relationships. But many of us need to learn what good communication looks like and have problems with at least one part of good communication techniques.
Read the article: https://submissiveguide.com/communication/articles/every-good-conversation-starts-with-good-listening
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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One of the best skills a submissive can learn is observation. Observation can also be neglected in your daily and work life, so learning requires you to reteach your mind, eyes, focus, and attention. It's so worth it.
Read the article: https://submissiveguide.com/skills/articles/learning-good-observation-skills
Further Reading:
Anticipatory Service
Personality and Behavior Tests:
Meyers-Briggs Type IndicatorThe Big FivePredictive IndexStrengths Finder🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Your limits are unique to you and may change over time as you gain experience and self-awareness. Embrace the opportunity for self-discovery and pleasure as you unlock the secrets to understanding and embracing your BDSM limits.
Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/what-everyone-ought-to-know-about-finding-and-managing-limits
Further Reading:
BDSM Limits Explained
Using Checklists to Figure Out Your Kinky Limits
Establishing Boundaries & Limits in BDSM
Novices and Newbies Group on FetLife
New Guide on Anal Play - OUT NOW! https://subgui.de/analplay🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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Explore the journey of embracing dirty talk. With practical tips, personal stories, and valuable resources, readers are encouraged to break free from inhibitions and discover the liberating potential of vocalizing desires and fantasies.
Read the article: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/how-to-talk-dirty
Further Reading:
How to Be Responsive During PlayExhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up and Talk Hot! by Carol QueenSex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On by Lauren DockettThe Dirty Slang DictionaryNew Guide on Anal Play - OUT NOW! https://subgui.de/analplay
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A beginner's guide that explores the practice of orgasm control and its potential for enhancing pleasure. The first in the series, this article covers the first steps to exploring orgasm control in your play.
Resources on Orgasm Control Mechanics:
Orgasm Control by RoverOrgasm Control Conditioning of Females on FetLifeTrain Your Body to Orgasm on CommandOrgasm Control Training: They Can’t ResistOrgasm Control by ginaStudy: Women's Attributions Regarding Why They Have Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
Book: The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman's Guide to Why She Can't and How She Can Orgasm" by Vivienne Cass, Ph.D
Part 2 of the Orgasm Control Training Series: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/orgasm-on-command-training-the-process-for-the-submissive
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
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In D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships, rules are often used to provide structure and establish boundaries within the power exchange dynamic. These rules serve as a guide for submissives to follow, which allows us to focus on our submission and the expectations of our Dominant partner.
Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/structure-rules
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
_____
Looking for Submissive Guide elsewhere?
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Being asked to beg for something is one of the simplest forms of erotic humiliation within a BDSM scenario. It’s also one that can be quite difficult for people to learn.
Read the article on Submissive Guide: https://submissiveguide.com/skills/articles/how-to-beg-when-asked
Submissive Guide FetLife Group: http://subgui.de/fetlife
Other people's thoughts on begging:
Begging In BDSM by Raven Shadowborne
A Kinkster’s Guide to Begging on A Kinkster’s Guide
How Do I Beg/Plead Better? on BDSM Training Academy
Begging For It Podcast on Pleasure Mechanics
Enough to Make You Blush by Princess Kali - https://amzn.to/42zIEi7🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
_____
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Wearing a Dominant’s collar is often a goal of any submissive in a D/s relationship. However, defining what a collar is and how you prepare to accept it can be daunting. Let’s tackle the important points about collars and if you are prepared for what a collar may mean for you and your relationship.
Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/expectations-of-a-collar-how-ready-are-you-to-accept-one
A Complete Guide to BDSM CollarsThe Role of the Collar in a Long Distance Relationship by kallistaThe Impact of Velcro Collars on the Symbolism and Value of Collars in D/s RelationshipsWhat Is a Collar in a D/s Relationship?What it Means to be Collared by LadySneakHow to Plan a Formal Collaring Ceremony
Here are a few more posts on collars you might find interesting:Tiered Collar System:
Collar of ConsiderationTraining CollarFormal CollarSeries on Limits on Submissive Guide
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Like the show? Let us know! Comments, suggestions are open.
I’ve gathered seven of the best books to help you get started on your exploration of BDSM and the submissive role.
Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/recommended-reading-submissives
All links to the book reviews, GoodReads, and Amazon are linked in the above article.
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
----
Become a member and get more from Submissive Guide today.
►http://patreon.com/subguide
A very special thank you to all who have joined our Patreon. You have helped transform Submissive Guide into one of the leading BDSM education sources online. We're overwhelmed with your generosity and support. Thank you.
_____
Looking for Submissive Guide elsewhere?
►Site: http://www.submissiveguide.com
►Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/subguide
►Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/subguide
►FetLife: http://fetlife.submissiveguide.com
►YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/subguide
►Patreon: https://patreon.com/subguide
►Discord: http://subgui.de/chat
Check Out My Books!
►https://subgui.de/store - Montre plus
