Episodes
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Teens and T1D!
I remember that before my son hit his teens, I swore that our lives wouldn't be as hard as what I was hearing from parents in the trenches. I was so sure that we were going to do better than all those other parents. And now I can humbly say that there is no easy path forward with teen kids: There are so many challenges as our kids grow up and transition to being independent with diabetes management.
On today's podcast episode, we get one flavor of what it’s like when you’re in the teen trenches. Rob comes onto the show to think through what to do about ongoing conflict he and his wife are having with their almost-17-year-old T1D daughter.
All the conflict centers on a new pump that they changed to a few months ago. The settings they are using for the new pump aren’t working — but their daughter is digging in her heels, insisting that she’s going to continue to do it her way. And her way means lots of LOW lows, massive number of juice boxes (Rob is buying them in bulk at Costco) and many-too-many sleepless nights for mom and dad. Basically, this teen has staked her turf, insisting that she be independent around the settings on this pump, even as it’s causing frustration and danger.
There was some good news, though: Rob noted that at their last endo appointment, he heard his daughter repeating back to the doctor all the things that he had articulated to her about the reasons the pump didn’t work. She clearly just can’t talk to him about it yet, but she is integrating it. Bottom line is that sometimes with our teens, we have to lean into the village. One suggestion? Have more endo appointments. Let the endo direct this conversation with his daughter. After all, if our kids won’t listen to us, it’s important to find a proxy who we trust — and who they are wiling to listen to.
We also looked at the way that this diabetes management issue is hijacking the relationship Rob and his wife have with their daughter. At this point, any time they try to talk to her about it, they end up in an explosive argument. I made a few key suggestions of how he can approach her so they can find a way to discuss it without a fight.
Hope you come away with some additional tools to apply to the hard moments you have with your T1D kiddo, either now or when they finally it those rocky teen years.
Enjoy the show!
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One dilemma I’ve heard from parents again and again: If my T1D kid is acting out because of a high blood sugar, how do I parent that? Do I give my kid a pass because I know that their high affects their mood? Or do I parent the behavior as though diabetes isn’t operating in the background? In this week's episode, Julie comes on the show to talk about how this issue is playing out for her 6 year old son, Ethan, when he’s at school.
It sounds like Ethan has an amazing teacher: She’s paying attention to his diabetes and wondering if his high blood sugar might correlate to some disrespectful behaviors that she’s seen. The problem is that Julie and her husband haven’t seen that same correlation at home: Although they know that their son is very wiggly, has a lot of energy, and likely has a hard time sitting still — especially in the afternoons at school — they haven’t seen disrespectfulness when his blood sugar is out of range. At the same time, when he’s high — or has a big case of the wiggles — Julie will take him for a run to help him get his energy out or bring his blood sugar down, something teachers can’t do for him at school. Whether diabetes is driving Ethan’s behavior or not, we came to the conclusion that the teachers might be overly focused on Ethan’s diabetes, giving a reason for his not-so-stellar behavior when it would be better to just treat it as a behavioral issue.
Truth be told, we really never can know how our kid’s blood sugars are affecting them. But in my experience working with T1D adults, I found that they often felt frustrated with their parents for attributing their behavior to highs when they were kids. And the reality is that we all need to strive to be our best selves, even under less than ideal circumstances. So in the show, we talk about different ways we can help our kids show up as their best, whether it’s the high blood sugar getting in their way, or just the wiggles.
Hope you enjoy the show!
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Episodes manquant?
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I often say that diabetes sits on the fault lines in our lives: If you're struggling with your relationship to food, diabetes makes it trickier to figure out how to eat. If you’re challenged in asking for what you need from friends, diabetes adds extra pressure. If you’re finding yourself in conflict with your spouse, diabetes sits right there.
In this week’s episode, Jessica comes on to the show to talk about the worries she has about where diabetes is sitting for her 7-year old: Grace is struggling to make connections with peers, but Jessica isn’t sure how much diabetes is playing a role.
Bottom line: Grace doesn’t like it when classmates ask about her devices. And she’s in good company there — many kids are uncomfortable about that. At the same time, I pointed out to Jessica that Grace’s classmates don’t seem to be mean, just curious. Together we thought about ways that Jessica could explore with Grace about what, exactly, makes her uncomfortable, as well as playing with different ways she could respond.
At the same time, I leaned into validation, knowing that that could be so powerful for Grace. Jessica said that “if I were in second grade and had diabetes, I would probably feel that way too” — and I reflected on how great it could be for Grace to hear that from her.
Certainly, we did problem solving, from Jessica organizing playdates to talking to the classroom teaching to thinking about the value of a social skills group for little Grace. But mostly we sat with how hard it is for a kid to have type 1. We sat with that uniquely parental fantasy we have that T1D is struggle enough and that our kids should have nothing else to deal with. At the end of the day, this is what caring parents like Jessica wish for their kids.
Hope you enjoy the show!
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We all know that transitions can be hard for kids — and adding diabetes to the mix often makes them even trickier. On today’s episode I spoke about this with Kaylor Glassman, the founder of Diabetes Support Partners and a fellow diabetes coach whose opinion I really trust. Together, we thought about what’s going on for the 5 year old son of a listener who seems to be struggling with some separation anxiety. But the issue is confused because instead of it being a straightforward nervousness about mom leaving, he’s saying that he’s worried about whether new adults are going to be able to take good enough care of his diabetes.
Kaylor started with such a good point: She noticed that mom is taking the very brave step of leaving her son with new adults in the first place, something that’s often hard for us T1D parents. And this kiddo is making it trickier, since he’s questioning whether he is T1D safe with these new adults. The tricky thing, of course, is that talking about diabetes in this way might just be a way for a child to express general nervousness. After all, they know that they will have our attention if the conversation is about T1D. But ultimately, I believe the antidote to this new anxiety is to continue to reassure this kid that he is safe. After all, this is what we want for our kids (and for ourselves!): a safety net of trusted adults that they can rely on besides mom and dad.
So what to do to help? First of all, stay the course. This mom should keep practicing leaving her son with safe adults and continue to communicate her confidence that he will be fine. Kaylor and I talk about how important it is to think about your tone as a parent, letting your child know what’s going to happen, and being attentive to their potential worry, but also leaning into the idea that everything will be alright so we don’t allow anxiety to grow. We talked through other great strategies to manage a child’s anxiety and to help them see and understand that their worries aren’t always a good predictor of what’s actually going to happen. Finally, we thought about how our own anxiety might actually be in the mix. Yes, this mom is doing an amazing and brave thing in dropping her T1D kid off with new people, but often we adults have to talk through and process these new steps for ourselves and our little ones pick up on our energy. As hard as it can be, we have to try to protect our kids from our own worries.
Listen to hear more about:
*Timing a conversation with your child about a new experience so they have less time to worry
*Why it might be important to circle back to talk to a child after they’ve done something that makes them nervous
*How to strike a balance between validating our kid’s experience and keeping their anxiety small
*Ways we can protect kids from our own anxiety
Hope you enjoy the show!
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There are those shiny kids who know how to do diabetes and have been doing it for years, the kids who feel like diabetes actually makes them special. But even these kids have rough patches when they don’t want to do the job anymore, when they feel like they don’t want to really be “out” with their diabetes.
That’s what I’m talking about this week with Megan. Megan’s son Henry — now 15, diagnosed at 7 and the oldest of four boys — has had a big shift in his diabetes behaviors. Up till now, he’s been really independent with management and Megan has only had to step in to help occasionally or during the night. But she’s noticing changes. Examples: She often can’t read his numbers when he’s at hockey practice — and when she can, he’s sometimes playing low without treating. He’s sometimes walking out of the door with just some skittles in his pocket — no backup supplies in sight. He’s minimizing when she asks about it, saying that he’s “got it.”
Megan wants to do what any mother of a T1D kid wants to do — get him back on track. And she’s very supportive when she talks to him, wondering how she can help. We talk about adding some additional tools to her parenting arsenal: First we look at getting more curious about his experience, understanding better where the shift is coming from and what’s making it hard for him to manage more effectively. Megan knows and suspects that some of this comes from shifts he’s experiencing in his hockey cohort in particular, but also knows that he’s struggling in general. After we talk about her getting curious, we look at the tool of validating, noting that it is so hard for him and so understandable that he’s struggling. Meeting him in this place is a powerful way for him to feel better understood and heard. Ultimately, it’s a way to keep communicating her care and concern, without creating conflict around diabetes.
We also looked at parenting choices she might make: She might create some containment around diabetes management by involving her son’s coach, but I note that getting that kind of outside intervention with a teenager has a lot to do with the needs and sense of independence of the kid: If a child will feel like they are being well supported when a parent makes that move, it’s a perfect choice. But sometimes our teens need to try to course correct on their own. As parents, it’s a delicate balance to figure it out.
Enjoy the show!
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The oh-so-frequently forgotten siblings of our T1D kids! In this week’s podcast episode, a concerned mom and dad come on together to think through what’s been happening with their 6-year old, in the aftermath of their 3 year-old’s relatively recent diagnosis.
The picture here is a bit complicated: At first, this older brother was accepting and helpful, in the same way that older siblings often are when a new baby arrives in the house. But as time went on — and the older brother recognized that diabetes was in the house to stay — his behavior shifted. He now avoids items touched by his younger sibling, expresses some fears of contamination and is pretty rejecting of his younger brother.
What’s a parent to do? We take a pretty deep dive, trying to untangle all the possibilities of what this 6 year-old’s behavior means, what he’s trying to express, and how to effectively address it.
First and foremost, I talk with these parents about validating their son’s experience. After all, when diabetes comes to a family, siblings are often sidelined. Acknowledging that to a kid can be really calming for them, allowing them to feel seen and understood, even when they aren’t getting the attention that they used to get — and that they still deserve. Mom shares a moment when she did a beautiful job validating their son’s experience — and got such a strongly positive response from her boy. I encourage them to do this more, more, more, reminding them that their son’s feelings have been building for a while and will take a while to unravel.
We explore other possibilities as well: one-on-one time with this older sib; setting clear limits on inappropriate behaviors, with clear consequences; and finding good books that talk about the ways that little siblings can be hard to adjust to for their older brothers and sisters. And while I talked to them about the ways that some of this sibling conflict might be completely normal, I also encouraged these parents to keep a close eye: This older brother has such a strong concept of his younger brother being “contaminated,” that if that continues over time, I think they should consult with their pediatrician to see if they should have their son assessed for OCD. While so many of these kinds of behaviors are normal as our kids grow and change — especially in the face of a trauma like a type 1 diagnosis — I don’t want this family to let a problem fester, if they ultimately need more support for their son.
Hope you enjoy the show!
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If you’re looking at the data on diabetes management based on age, you see a big camel’s hump in the graph when you get to the teen and early 20s. At these ages, kids just don’t do as well with managing their T1D — and it shows in a1C outcomes. The average a1C in this age range pops up to the mid 8s. But even though that may be normal, it certainly doesn’t mean that we parents feel comfortable with it.
Cue my conversation for this week’s episode with Jo, mom of a 14-year old who was diagnosed about a year ago. After talking about the oh-so-familiar challenges that Jo and her son have struggled with in this first year since diagnosis, we started unpacking how her son’s lack of lunchtime dosing isn’t just “reckless.” In reality, it makes a lot of sense.
For this 14-year old, as for many of our kids, giving insulin is more about the social discomfort and emotional weight that comes with managing a chronic illness in front of peers. Consider it this way: at 14, fitting in and feeling normal is almost everything. Giving that shot — and maybe even punching numbers into that pump — can feel like a glaring spotlight on differences. Thinking about it like this allowed Jo to see her son’s behavior not as reckless, but as a very human response to the pressures of teenage life with diabetes.
With that as a backdrop, I encouraged Jo to shift her focus from frustration to acknowledgment of her son’s successes. Despite the struggles, he’s managing a lot more than she sometimes gives him credit for — bottom line is that he’s dosing whenever he’s not with friends, a big win. I also invited Jo to explore this issue with her son through open and non-judgmental conversations. Ultimately, while we should never unbuckle the “diabetes seatbelt” and it’s important to try to keep numbers in range, it’s equally important to create a safe space for our kids to express their feelings and to find ways to manage diabetes that align with their need for normalcy and independence.
Hope you enjoy the show!
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I loved the conversation I had for today’s podcast episode. It touched on a topic that no one has ever asked me about, even though I know it affects many of us: the difficult balance of managing work responsibilities while caring for a child diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.
I’m talking with Nikki, a mother from the UK whose 6-year old daughter was diagnosed with T1D about a year a half ago. As Nikki learned more and more about diabetes after her daughter’s diagnosis, she started to recognize that she needed to make significant adjustments to her work life in order to truly meet her daughter’s needs. The lack of support and understanding from her employers compounded her feelings of guilt, overwhelm, and depression. Ultimately, Nikki made the tough decision to step back from her job, allowing her to provide the dedicated care her daughter required.
Nikki’s work/life balance ultimately has a happy ending—she started her own business where she works less and earns more. But it prompted her to think about the kinds of support that T1D parents need: Her journey heightened her awareness of the precarious nature of balancing professional obligations with the demands of caregiving.
In many ways, Nikki’s story is not unique; many parents face similar struggles as they take on the often crushing burden of managing their child’s T1D — and many parents adjust their work schedules to accommodate these needs. But it’s a lonely and hard decision, so I was grateful to Nikki for coming forward to explicitly name how challenging it can be. We have a brief, but wide-ranging conversation.
Listen to hear more about
*My thoughts about how some of the work/life balance parents need help with is actually a political issue
*Some clear ideas about mourning and challenges parents face when their child is first diagnosed.
*Starting to create some community around T1D
Hope you enjoy the show!
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In this week’s episode, I have a conversation with Mary, mother of a newly diagnosed little boy: Campbell was diagnosed about 6 months ago at two and a half.
Mary and her husband are getting the hang of diabetes but it’s been such a big learning curve that they’re thinking of postponing sending Campbell to preschool in the fall: Mary just can’t picture how a school transition would go. The thought of entrusting her son’s care to someone else is understandably daunting. As we talk, we realize together that Mary’s also hesitant to send Campbell because she’s not sure how to ask the school for the help that her family needs to manage type 1. Ultimately, she doesn’t want to burden others with the complexities of managing his diabetes and learning the ins-and-outs of the disease.
Together, we delve into her worries and explore the emotional landscape of becoming a T1D advocate for our kids. We discuss the vital importance of self-advocacy, not just to ensure that our kids receive the best possible care and support, but also because it’s critical for us to model for them how they can ask for the help they need — today and in their future. We also look at how this kind of advocacy helps create a safety net for our kids.
I share several strategies to help Mary feel more comfortable both advocating and leaving her son at preschool: We talk about the small steps she can take to practice, mostly by starting to advocate with family members, creating a step-by-step map for starting to leave Campbell with those people who already love him. We also look at ways to think about advocating at the school by her first getting super clear about what kind of support she wants Campbell to have.
Listen to hear more about:
the reasons you might consider transitioning to a pump, even when shots are workingthe mistakes school care providers might make in management — and how to think about thatan upcoming workshop that will help you build a better relationship with your child’s care team at school
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In today’s episode, I talk with Tiffany, a mother whose 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes only a few months ago. Tiffany opened with her primary concern: the limitations her daughter might face in the future. Even though she couldn’t picture exactly what those limitations would be she fears diabetes will hold her daughter back.
Tiffany’s worries are a mirror of what so many T1D parents feel—we worry about the hurdles our kids are going to face. It’s easy to get caught up in the “what ifs” and overlook the “right nows.” So I brought Tiffany into the present, looking at the ways her daughter might have felt limited since her diagnosis and how Tiffany can respond to that.
Validation became the keyword of the discussion. I emphasized the importance of acknowledging the frustrations and limitations her daughter is currently facing — in the example Tiffany gave, it was about sitting out from PE, something we’re all familiar with. I work through a powerful validation tool with Tiffany that she’ll be able to use again and again as she parents diabetes, one that will keep her closer to her daughter’s experience, with the hope that that will help her daughter make a smoother adjustment to a life with type 1. It’s not foolproof, but it’s a way for our kids to understand that we’re alongside them.
Listen to hear more about:
The nitty gritty of how to construct a strong validation of our kid’s experienceThoughts on how to stay close to our kids as they grow their diabetes responsibilities so we’re attuned to what they actually can manage.A discussion on the thin line between fostering independence and the risk of “diabetes burnout.”How powerful it is for a parent to be together with their child on their diabetes journeyHope you enjoy!
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In today’s latest episode, I answer a listener question that will resonate with most parents of T1D kids: the emotional and practical considerations of testing siblings for diabetes markers.
The decision to test siblings for diabetes markers is one that many families, including my own, approach with trepidation. The anxiety surrounding this decision is understandable. No parent wants to even begin to imagine another child facing the same challenges as their type 1. And so the question becomes: to test or not to test? Do I want to know? Should I want to know? Does knowing help? Or will I just feel more overwhelmed?
The discussion strikes a balance between the idea that knowing if a diagnosis is coming can be powerful — we can plan, and prepare, and possibly even help delay onset with new drugs like tZield. But we also need to be gentle with ourselves, choosing testing only when we feel ready to tolerate what the testing uncovers. I also tackle how we might have to protect our children from the enormity of that information, holding it lightly for their sakes, even as we prepare for the worst.
Of course, this decision remains a deeply personal one for each family. In this episode, I provide information, empathy, and understanding to help parents make the best choice for their children and their family’s overall well-being. Hopefully, listening will offer some perspective that will help ease the your burden of deciding.
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Today’s show touches on a topic that’s close to many of our hearts—preparing our little ones for big life transitions. But as you know, when you’re the parent of a kiddo with type 1 diabetes, those transitions take on a whole new layer of planning and care.
In this episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Rachel, a proactive mom who’s thinking months ahead about her son’s upcoming leap into kindergarten — and also about his horizon beyond.
As we delve into our conversation, we talk about ways that Rachel can best navigate the school system for her T1D son. I suggest she connect with other T1D families in her school so she can get a sense the inside scoop on how diabetes management works there. We talk about ways to partner with her son’s school care team to build a strong relationship with them (and I also give a nod to my upcoming workshop “Beyond the 504” where I teach about how to do just that). I also make suggestions of how she can bulletproof her son’s 504 plan, in order to maintain more parental decision-making authority.
Rachel is thinking even further ahead: She’s wondering about the challenge of transferring the responsibility of diabetes management to her child over the long run. It’s a dance between fostering independence and being there to catch them when they fall. And trust me, we all have stories about that part of the journey—like the one I share about my daughter’s path to managing her diabetes.
Here’s a sneak peek of other highlights from our conversation:
Why advocating for your child requires a balance of assertiveness and relationship-building.
Cultural insights into how women are often taught to communicate, and the challenges we face around advocacy because of that.
Personal anecdotes that highlight the emotional aspect of slowly passing the baton of diabetes care to our kids.
The invaluable role of environments like diabetes camps in fostering self-care and independence.I hope you join me for this powerful episode, where we celebrate the courage and dedication of parents like Rachel, who are laying the groundwork for their children to thrive in school and in life, despite the challenges of T1D.
Remember, sweet friends, our journey is sweeter when we walk it together. Keep talking, keep loving, and keep advocating for those sweet ones in our lives.
Mentioned in this episode:
Wanting to create the best relationship with your child’s school care team? Register for Beyond the 504. In this workshop, I’ll walk you through evidence-based tools to approach your child’s school so you can can have the tough conversations you need to have about diabetes management and keeping your child safe at school. Find out more at www.diabetessweettalk.com/workshop
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In today’s episode, I’m joined by Sveltana, a mother who’s navigating the bumps of diabetes management with her 9-year-old snowboarder and athlete. While we do spend some time strategizing management and I talk to this mom about questions she could put to her endo, we’re actually having an important conversation about the values that she might be choosing to center in a life with diabetes.
When we T1D parents talk about managing diabetes, it’s a delicate dance between maintaining tight control and giving our kids the freedom to just be kids. For Sveltana and her son, sports are a passion. But as she’s learned, sometimes that means the numbers can take a backseat.
What we recognize in this episode is that diabetes management is deeply personal. As Sveltana and I discussed, it’s really about values clarification. What do we want to center in a life with diabetes? For Sveltana, it’s her son’s happiness and normalcy, even if it sometimes means the numbers aren’t picture perfect.
I also talked with Sveltana the importance of giving herself some grace as she figures out how to manage sports and numbers together. Her family is relatively new to this journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to diabetes. Being out of range but allowing her son the space to play the sports he loves could be a win for them. And she might need to adjust some of her expectations as they continue to learn and grow in managing diabetes.
Listen to hear more about
Resources for personalized diabetes care, especially for those balancing sports and activity.Potentially important questions to ask the endo, like about mini gluc, ketone checking and additional basal profiles. Thinking about getting more support — It’s vital to feel free to reach out for this, especially if you’re seeing patterns that you’re not sure how to manage, or that feel scary.Family Camp! Still can’t say enough how valuable this can be to everyone in the household.Mentioned in this episode:
Need help getting your kid the right snacks?
That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com
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I feel so lucky to have been part of the conversation that makes up this week’s episode. My guest is Stacey Simms, herself a big name in the diabetes world, and the host of the Diabetes Connections podcast. At one of her Mom’s Night Out events, she had told me that she had a question about her T1D son’s transition to college — and here she is to talk about it.
Stacey starts by naming a few different areas where she’s struggling as her son transitions to college and she transitions to his independence. The first is simply about him leaving and the ways that she worries about his diabetes management, especially since they had made an agreement that she would no longer be on Dexcom share once he left for college. She also notices her reactions to his management style when he is back at home and wonders how the conversation about diabetes should look now that he’s a young adult. And as the topper: This super experienced T1D mom questions whether she did a good enough job teaching her son about diabetes.
This is a robust conversation about the ongoing challenges of parenting our T1D kids, even as they become young adults.
Listen to hear more about:
*The ways we sometimes compare our child’s diabetes “performance” to that of other kids
*The challenges we feel about our own adequacy when our kids aren’t doing as well at management
*The balance of our feelings of awe and respect for what our children carry and our critical feelings towards our kids for the things they forget or don’t get right with management.
*What it means to be “impressed” by what our kids are managing and how to communicate that authentically while still giving them space to fail with diabetes.
*How to talk to our young adult kids about their management
*Remembering that our kids might still need and want our help with diabetes — and how to ask them about that
*The ways that it feels like the worry about T1D never stops
Mentioned in this episode:
Need help getting your kid the right snacks?
That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com
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On today’s show, I welcome back Kaylor Glassman, founder of Diabetes Support Partners, to talk through a question from a listener.
The question has to do with an 11 year old, who the parent feels isn’t being as responsible about diabetes management as mom thinks she should be. Mom is concerned that this kiddo isn’t tracking the insulin in her pump, is allowing her pump to run out of charge, and is always surprised when the CGM expires. The parent is wondering how to get better cooperation from her child.
But Kaylor and I question whether this is the right approach and whether these are reasonable expectations for this child. We look at how the anxiety of the parent could be pushing this kid to do more than, perhaps, she’s capable of. And with that in mind, we look at how to foster a conversation with our children about what they think they are capable of, with the idea that we’re transferring diabetes responsibility step by step.
Listen to hear more about:
*The difference between whether a child can do a task and whether they are actually ready to do that task
*Ways to foster a positive connection around these tasks through conversation
*Thinking about developmental readiness in transferring T1D responsibilities
*Following the child who’s in front of us and allowing them to lead in terms of what management tasks they are ready for
*Keeping connected about diabetes, even in the teen years
Mentioned in this episode:
Need help getting your kid the right snacks?
That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com
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Today’s mom has a wish to go away with her husband for a weekend — and leave her T1D son behind. The grandparents have offered to take him for that weekend — they are more than happy to help — but mom is nervous, worried not just about her son’s numbers, but also about how asking for what she needs might impact her relationship with her in-laws.
As we explore, we uncover that this mom has what I call “a beautiful fantasy,” that she gets to go away and have an actual vacation from diabetes, where she doesn’t have to think about it for the weekend. Together, we think about what the steps might be to work up to that, so she can make that dream possible.
Listen to hear about:
*How to help grandparents build the diabetes care muscle, step by step
*How parents should quiet their fears about overwhelming caregivers
*Having different expectations about management when our kids are in other people’s care, especially when it’s for short periods of time.
*How to help support your child if they have some diabetes anxiety about being left in someone else’s care
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This week’s guest is a mom of a relatively newly diagnosed 10-year old girl. Mom describes her daughter Maisie as having always struggled with some anxiety — but now that diabetes is in the mix, Maisie's anxiety is higher and more dramatic — and mom is at her wit’s end.
Together, this mom and I dig into what she’s seeing with her daughter and come up with a few different strategies to help calm her very anxious daughter. First, is to take as much responsibility for diabetes off of her daughter as is possible. I name that many parents are anxious about how their kids are going to be able to do diabetes on their own one day — but that for Maisie, the focus needs to be on lowering her anxiety now, before she takes on too much responsibility. It's going to be important for tis mom to know that Maisie will be able to take this responsibility on later, but that now -- at 10 -- she should do less, not more.
We also look at some of the realities of diabetes complications and how mom’s worry about this has been part of the mix. I was able to reassure her that dire complications of diabetes are lower than people expect — which was especially important for her to hear since she works as a nurse and had seen some ugly complications with type 2 diabetes.
We talk about how mom can work with Maisie to lower her anxiety in a given moment when she’s distressed. Some of this is about strategizing with Maisie about what she might need in those moments. But some of it is about mom and dad really being in charge so that Maisie feels better contained — and less bad about herself.
Finally, we explore what it would be for this family to get some therapeutic support, the ways that Maisie is resistant to that, and the ways that mom might be able to help support that process.
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Thanks for listening to Sweet Talk all year long! I’m closing 2023 with a recap of some of my top recommended episodes to tune into this holiday season. These episodes will serve you as you brace challenges with food, family, and friends during this season.
57: What To Do When People Have No Idea What Your Life is Like
37: When Family Doesn't Understand What It’s Like for You to Parent Type 1
36: When Feeding Your T1D Kid Causes Conflict in Your Relationship
14: Strategies for Managing the Holiday Stress with T1D
Have any questions you’d like to get support on? I encourage you to contact me if you want to come on the show. I’m always here to answer your questions on your parenting T1D kids. Feel free to email me at [email protected]
Happy New Year!
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The mom who joins me this week — Michelle — doesn’t have a specific question; instead, she wants to face off with the broad challenge of how lonely it can be to have diabetes, both for her and her T1D daughter. Ultimately, she’s bothered by the ways other people misunderstand what her daughter lives and struggles with. She’s frustrated that people think her daughter has type 2, that they think she can’t eat certain things, and that they somehow think that the cause of diabetes is that her daughter ate unhealthy food. She’s irritated that people don’t understand the ongoing, chronic nature of the care that’s required with type 1. And she wants to figure out if there’s a way to protect her daughter from the barrage of questions and misunderstandings that come her way.
Although Michelle and I agree that it’s painful and stressful when our experience of living with and taking care of diabetes is so invisible and misunderstood, we also look to the strength that comes from choosing to be an educator and an advocate in our lives. I make some suggestions of the kinds of things that Michelle (or her daughter) could say when the comments come, while also acknowledging that sometimes we don’t have the bandwidth to respond so generously to people’s comments. As an antidote to other people’s ignorance, I suggest — as always — the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who do understand our experience.
Michelle shifts to talk more about her daughter’s struggles, and how all the questions people ask push her to hate her diabetes. We look together at ways Michelle can brainstorm with her daughter about what to say when these interactions happen, while also encouraging mom to acknowledge how genuinely hard this is for her daughter. And Michelle names all the ways that she’s trying to create more structure in her daughter’s school for a better understanding of type 1. Tune in for this broad-ranging conversation that helps us think about what it’s really like to live with T1D, even years after diagnosis.
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On today’s show, a mom joins me to talk about her nervousness about having a new driver — and to think through any issues that she should be on the lookout for because of diabetes. Mom is understandably anxious about her daughter starting to drive, but can also see that her daughter is pretty responsible about diabetes management. That said, we looked at the reality of how (the California) DMV requires disclosure of diabetes and how mom might help navigate that process smoothly by getting a letter from her child’s endocrinologist. We look together at what habits mom will help her daughter put into place to be sure she’s driving at a safe blood sugar — and about having a conversation with the doctor about how to think about what that number is. We also explore mom’s concerns about her daughter feeling different as a new driver with diabetes and how the two of them could talk about that. I make some suggestions about how this mom could think creatively about her daughter’s relationship to her diabetes once friends are in the car, instead of feeling worried that she’ll feel like the odd duck because of her T1D.
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