Episodes
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WARNING: This episode contains thoughts and solutions you might not fully agree with. Umā¦sorry.
Dear Humans,
In the newest episode of the God Pod, God and Jesus attempt to figure out what went wrong in this election and where we must go from here.
STOP saying āwe only lost by two points.ā
STOP paying political consultants, and START trying to win over low information voters. Progressive politics work!
Do we want to win... ever? Letās start by figuring out who is making the decisions at the DNC.
Decisions likeā¦letās be Republicans Lite.
Things need to change. Making the exact same mistakes next time is NOT ACCEPTABLE!
The Rebellion begins NOW!Please consider becoming a paid Substack subscriber to help Godās rebellious, blasphemous, leftist network continue growing.
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Episodes manquant?
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Dearest Humans,
This week on The God Pod:
Jesus has a case of the giggles as he and God look at some of the most deranged Donold moments of the last week.
God shares a clip of Obama at a recent rally that is not getting enough attention, in which President Obama points out the cost of Donoldās lies.
Speaking of lies, we voice our support for a new rumor that involves yet another couch.
Listen to The God Pod here or on your favorite podcast app, and let us know what you think of this episode in the comments!
BEHOLD!God is now only ONE spot behind Ann Coulter on the Substack US Politics chart! These rankings are determined by number of paid subscribers. Let smiting Ann Coulter be your reason for upgrading to paid today: Visit TheGodPodcast.com now!
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Dear Humans,
On this weekās all new episode of the God Pod, we discuss all the latest in the US election.
Donold tells his followers to vote on January 5th. Why?
Donold asked his followers if they would ārather have the Black president or the white president?ā
Donold threatens using the military to go after āradical leftistsā who donāt support him
Kamala and Tim continue to troll him into oblivion
A discussion of the polls, and why corporate media wants you to think this is a horse-race
Join us as we condemn violence and racism, wonāt you? And let us know your thoughts on this episode in the comments.
Love,
God
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BEHOLD! Yesterday Jesus and I recorded a 30-minute reaction episode to everything thatās happened in U.S. politics in the last week. Check it out!
Be sure to visit TheGodPodcast.com to get full video episodes and daily articles from God and Jesus!
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BEHOLD! Last night Jesus and I recorded a 30-minute reaction episode to the debate. Check it out in the video above!
Forsooth, as we predicted, the corporate media said that Vance won the debate because they have pudding for brains, which is mean to pudding. Pudding isnāt totally corrupt, bought and paid for by right wing billionaires. We talk about it all in-depth!
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Dear Humans,
The other day Captain Dipshit said in an interview that he wonāt run again in 2028 if he loses this election. He would be 82 or 83 at the time.
"No, I don't. I think ... that will be it. I don't see that at all," said The Demented One, when asked if he would run again in 4 years if he loses this year.
Of course, he said in 2020 that if he lost that year, we would never see or hear from him again. And sadly, that was not true. He never shuts the fuck up. He never goes away.
Do you believe him? Or is he full of shit? Am I insane for asking that? Because thatās what JESUS says in our latest episode. I still canāt believe his answer.
Halloweenās around the corner, would the Republicans run his corpse if they could? Would they clone him?
Robo-Donald?
Zombie Donald??
Cyborg-Vampire Donald?!?
We already have racist psychopath Donaldā¦although I assume all Donald retreads would have that.
Anyway, give the new episode of the God Pod in the video above a little looksie. Jesus and I recap what happened in the last week and somehow find ways to make each other laugh.
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Dear Donald Trump Jr.,
I see thou art whining about having to explain to children that a shooter almost killed thy father. Now you know how it feels to be a parent sending their kids to public schools in the USA on any given day.
Thou shalt not complain about how unsafe it is living in America. Your father was the president for 4 years. What did he get done? Nothing. He literally people to āget over itā the day after a mass shooting in Iowa. Human life is meaningless to him.
Thou shalt not complain about how unsafe it is as you dadās cult rallies. He has been stirring up a hive of insane bees for 9 long years now. Did thou really thinkest the killer bees would never sting thee?
Thou shalt not blame Democrats for two registered Republicans trying to take out your dad in the last two months. Both assassins were registered as Republicans. This most recent one even voted for thy father in 2016!
It is not the fault of Democrats, who have always condemned violence and expressed gratitude that Donald is okay. It is the fault of Republicans, who see no problem in encouraging others to commit acts of violence, as your father did on January 6, 2021. As he did last week against Haitian immigrants. As he always does.
Hast thou not ever studied history? Being a fascist leader isnāt all itās cracked up to be. Thou might want to read to the end of what happened to Adolph Hitler in World War 2.
Those who live by the sword, die by the sword.
Those who live by the violent rhetoric, die by their own violent rhetoric.
Those who stand in the way of gun control, shall see their own family members die by guns not being controlled.
Here endeth the lesson.
THE LORD HAS SPOKEN!
PS - Oh also, Jesus and I talked about everything thatās happened in the last week in this weekās episode. Itās been a lot.
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Dear Humans,
Lo, last night was wonderful. It was the long waited for comeuppance that Donold so richly deserved. It was the smiting we all needed to watch! Thank you to everyone who joined our live chat! Jesus and I had so much fun hanging out with you! It was so nice having our live chat locked to paid subscribers so we could enjoy it without fear of having any trolls there.
After the debate, loser Donold went to the spin room, a sure sign that he knew he had just been destroyed. Every single channel was praising Kamalaās performance and utterly aghast at the things Donold said. Except for Fox News of course, which merely complained that ABC did something called āfact-checking.ā His supporters are now vowing to never watch ABC or Disney ever again. LOLā¦ok sure.
https://www.thegodpodcast.com/p/kamala-destroys-donoldmegasmite
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Dear Humans,
Weāre back! On todayās episode of the God Pod, God and Jesus discuss all that hath occurred over the last two weeks, from the Democratic National Convention to Dana Bashās interview with Kamala Harris and Tim Walz.
A lot of things happened whilst Jesus was on vacation! We also preview the first presidential debate coming on Tuesday night between Kamala and Donold.
GODāS 5 MONTH ANNIVERSARY SALEWell, tomorrow marks out 5th birthday here on Substack. Itās been going BONKERS. We are now at #80 on the US Politics leaderboard. Only 10 spots to go to pass the vile one, Ann Coulter.
Unlike Tim Pool, Benny Johnson, and all those right wing podcasters, Iām not supported by bribes from Russia. Iām not paid by Putin. All I got is you.
To celebrate our milestone, I'm offering a special one-day discount! For today only, you can become a paid subscriber at a 20% discount. Just click here to claim your September Rise Of Democracy Special and support God.
Donāt miss out on this divine deal! (Valid through September 8th, 2024)
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Jesus and I recapped everything thatās happened in the last week. We celebrate the addition of Tim Walz to the Democratic ticket, and laugh our asses off at the ongoing smiting of Downfall Donold.
Forsooth, how does Donold keep outdoing himself in the humiliation department?
Wishing Biden was still running
Complaining that Kamalaās crowds must be āfakeā
āAccidentallyā flying on Jeffrey Epsteinās private jet in 2024
And so much more. Join us as God and Jesus try to process all the funny things that are happening.
I have faith in you, humans.
Love,
God
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Dear Humans,
Earlier this week, Jesus and I had the rare opportunity to converse with Project 2025 expert Andra Watkins, who doth cover Project 2025 every single day on her Substack, āHow Project 2025 Will Ruin YOUR Life.ā Verily, we quickly discovered that Andra is exceedingly cool and fun, and doth enjoy cursing as much as God. She is delightful and brilliant, and we didst have a blast hanging out with her.
In addition to doing the Lordās work in educating the world on Project 2025, Andra is a cherished member of the God community. I oft see her in our comments and restacking our posts, and if there be one thing God still enjoyeth, itās that little hit of dopamine from likes, comments, and shares. This is because God is like unto Tinkerbell and doth require thy claps to continue to exist.
āI like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.ā
- Michael Scott, The Office
Shootā¦lost my train of thought. Anyway, cuddle up with a cup of coffee and hang out with us. Thou hast a little time.
I believe in you, humans.
Love,
God
SPECIAL OFFER:To celebrate our 3 month anniversary on Substack and Kamalaās VP announcement today, I'm offering a special one-day discount! For today only, you can become a paid subscriber at a 20% discount. Just click here to claim your August Rise of Democracy Special and support God. Donāt miss out on this divine deal! (Valid through August 9th, 2024)
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Dear Humans,
Wow, what an episode we have for you this week! The rollercoaster has not slowed down and the last few days have been absolutely wild. We discuss the latest with data nerd Nick Powers.
Nick tells us about what heās seeing and we compare notes. And what weāre seeing is AWESOME. The Kamala momentum is real and spreading. We also laugh at the expense of extreme weirdo JD Vance, which feels SofaKing good. Later on, we discuss Trumpās weird speech to Christians. But first, we review all the amazing statistics!
Join us on Substack for all our exclusive content and videos! New content daily!
https://www.thegodpodcast.com/subscribe
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Watch the video!
Dear Humans,
I never could have imagined how emotional the past few days would make me. I have cried more tears of joy, hope, and pride than I can remember. For the first time in a long time, I am filled with hope for the future. Joe Biden's decision to step down wasnāt just a brilliant chess move; it was a symbolic passing of the torch from one generation to the next. And all the next generation wants to do is save the world. They have been champing at the bit for a while.
I havenāt been this excited about a candidate since 2008. Kamala Harris stepping up and shining in her new role is truly inspiring. Watching her rise to the occasion fills me with immense pride and excitement for what lies ahead. According to new polls today, Kamala is already beating Trump in the polls by 2 points, and she has barely just begun!
Of course, we couldnāt help but laugh at the Republicansā feeble attempts to criticize her. Their main complaint? They donāt like her laugh. Itās comical how they grasp at plastic straws. Meanwhile, Trump is sulking over the money he wasted attacking Biden. HAHAHAHA!
Trump attacked the Capitol to cling to power, while Biden voluntarily stepped down for the greater good. This concept of giving up power makes no sense to fascists, itās as foreign to them as love.
In this moment of transition and hope, letās embrace the future with open hearts and minds. Together, we can rally around Kamala and defeat the power of Trumpian fascism forever.
With hope and love,
God and Jesus
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Dear Humans,
Today Jesus and I sit-down with Johnny Palmadessa, a sharp young Democratic Strategist who found himself in the thick of chaos at the Trump campaign rally where a mass shooting occurred on Saturday. One innocent bystander lost their life, and Donald came within 2 inches bullet going through his brain.
Johnny shares his firsthand account of the event. Jesus and I tried to wrap our minds around it, and let me tell you, it's not easy processing this kind of madness.
Johnny's story is a sobering reminder of the real consequences of divisive rhetoric. Itās a wake-up call, a cosmic nudge, if you will, to re-evaluate who youāre supporting and why. Who will attract more chaos like a magnet in the future? Who will work to calm things down?
So, do yourselves a favor and watch the full interview. Trust me, it's worth your time. You'll hear Johnnyās harrowing experience, and maybe, just maybe, you'll come away with a clearer understanding of the gravity of the situation. Plus, Jesus and I throw in some of our classic banter to keep things light. You won't want to miss it.
Love,
God
PS - Watch the video!
https://www.thegodpodcast.com/p/surviving-the-trump-assassination
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Dear Human Being reading this,
Itās me, God, and boy, do we have a divine dispatch for you today! We just recorded a brand new episode of The God Pod, and youāre not gonna want to miss this one. We dug into some juicy topics that are hotter than hell's furnace, so grab your popcorn and buckle up.
First up, we tackled the question that's been on everyone's mind: Who exactly is trying to push Biden out? Surprise, surpriseāit's the millionaires and billionaires pulling the strings. The regular folks? Theyāre still supporting him. The real puppet masters here are the wealthy elites, and we're exposing their game.
Then, we dove into something Ted Lieu mentioned thatās flying under the radar: the Epstein files. Yeah, you heard that right. Lieu said, āSomething I've heard that doesn't seem to be getting covered is the Epstein files ... Donald Trump is all over this ... y'all might want to look at that.ā The #TrumpPedoFiles should be the hottest hashtag right now.
And if that wasnāt enough, MSNBC played a side-by-side clip of President Biden speaking at the NATO summit and Donald Trumpās unhinged rally from last night. Let me tell you, it was like watching a Shakespearean actor next to a guy screaming on a street corner. Bidenās all about diplomacy and coherence, while Trumpās rambling about airports and mothers helplessly watching their kids overdose. Seriously, what alternate reality is this guy living in?
Speaking of Trumpās rallies, his latest performance in Doral was a doozy. He goes on about how āMothers will never again be forced to watch their children overdosing and hosp--lee. And we will never allow mothers to watch their child hopelessly dying in their arms, screaming, āWhat can I do? What can I do? Help me God, what can I do?āā And don't get me started on his rant about dirty, crowded airports. Someone really needs to give this guy a reality check.
So, what are you waiting for? Dive into the latest episode and get the full scoop.
Celebrate with Us: We just hit a milestoneāover 500 paid subscribers! Itās a tiny fraction of our 54,000 followers, but every bit helps us keep bringing you divine satire. Thank you for your support! If you havenāt subscribed to our newsletter yet, what are you waiting for? Head over to thegodpodcast.com to get the latest episodes, satirical news, and more.
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Hey there, you beautiful mortals! Itās me, God, back with another episode of The God Pod. This time, Jesus and I are tearing apart Project 2025, that insane conservative plan to turn the USA into Gilead.
First up, I go off on how these utter douchebags want to centralize power and roll back rights. Seriously, itās like they want to drag us all back to the Dark Agesā¦.and the Dark Ages sucked! Jesus jumps in to rip apart Trumpās lies. Heās pissed, folks, and rightfully so.
These idiots would melt the polar ice caps and call it a hot tub party. And donāt get me started on their social security āreforms.ā Raising the retirement age and cutting benefits? Thatās some seventh circle of hell kind of crap.
Stand up against these draconian policies with all the might you can muster. And don't forget to visit thegodpodcast.com to join our community, sign up for our newsletter, and get the latest episodes, satirical news, and letters from yours truly. Whether you are a free or paid subscriber, I appreciate you being part of this community.
Tune in, laugh your ass off, and stay informed with God and Jesus.
Love,
God
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Dear Humans,
Weāre back with another divine dispatch from The God Pod! In our latest episode, God and Jesus dive into the latest Supreme Court decisions and the media hysteria following the debate. Hereās your holy recap:
Episode Highlights:Supreme Court Decisions:
šļø Supreme Court grants Trump immunity for January 6.
š©š½āāļø Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson's dissent calling the ruling "absurd."
āļø Supreme Court ends Chevron Deference, impacting regulatory power.
š§ Implications for regulatory power and the suggestion to start buying bottled water.
š« Supreme Court ruling allowing cities to punish people for sleeping in public places.
āļø Jesusā take: "Thou Shalt Not Put Homeless People in Jail!ā
Debate Aftermath / Media Hysteria:
š° Focus on Biden's age and performance while ignoring Trump's outrageous lies.
šļø NY Times calls for Biden to drop out, but not for Trump despite him being a convicted felon.
šļø Biden had good moments, stating the truth, and delivered a strong next-day speech.
šļø Trump's refusal to commit to not doing another January 6 and accept election results.
Question:How worried are you now, from 1-100? What can we do about all this?
Tune in to this episode of The God Pod, "BREAKING: Democracy," for a heavenly mix of humor, truth, and divine commentary. And for more daily updates, visit thegodpodcast.com.
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Dear Heavenly Followers,
Weāre back with another divine dispatch from The God Pod! š In our latest episode, God and Jesus dive into the jaw-dropping scandal involving Trumpās spiritual advisor Robert Morris, who resigned amid allegations he molested a 12-year-old. We also cover Trumpās purely evil suggestion for migrant fighting leagues, his ironic all-caps endorsement of the Ten Commandments, Bidenās lead in the polls, even Fox News cutting away from Trumpās insane gibberish, and George Santos starting an OnlyFans account. Hereās your holy recap:
Episode Highlights:
Trumpās Migrant Fighting Leagues š„: Trumpās evil suggestion and the history behind this idea.
Trumpās Spiritual Advisor Resigns Amidst Allegations šØ: The scandal of Trumpās spiritual advisor Robert Morris. Watch God puke his guts out over pastors who raced to defend him online.
All Caps Ten Commandments š: Trumpās enthusiastic endorsement of the Ten Commandments and the irony of it all.
Biden vs. Trump in the Polls š: Analyzing the latest polls showing Biden beating Trump and what this means for the upcoming election.
Fox News Cuts Away From Trump šŗ: Watch God and Jesus laugh at the moment even Fox News cut away from Trumpās incoherent speech.
George Santos on OnlyFans šø: The absurdity of George Santos starting an OnlyFans account.
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Dear Heavenly Followers,
Weāre back with another divine dispatch from The God Pod! In our latest episode, God and Jesus dive into a mix of divine humor and righteous rants, covering everything from Louisianaās latest classroom mandate to the broader implications of such moves. Hereās your holy recap:
šļø Episode Highlights:
Why Louisianaās Ten Commandments Mandate Wonāt Save Its Soul Louisiana has decided to mandate the display of the Ten Commandments in every classroom. We delve into the historical context, the legal implications, and the irony of this decision given Louisiana's education, crime, and corruption stats.
Spoiler alert: Itās not looking good.
Education Statistics:
Louisiana ranks 48th in education (U.S. News & World Report).
High school graduation rate is 81%, below the national average of 85% (National Center for Education Statistics).
Only 28% of Louisiana eighth graders are proficient in math, compared to the national average of 34% (National Assessment of Educational Progress).
High Crime Rates:
Violent crime rate of 5.7 per 1,000 people compared to the national average of 3.7 (FBI Crime Data).
Property crime rate of 32.7 per 1,000 people compared to the national average of 22.0 (FBI Crime Data).
High Corruption:
Louisiana ranks 5th in public corruption convictions per capita (University of Illinois at Chicago, 2020).
Religious Diversity:
Only 26% of adults in Louisiana attend church weekly (Pew Research Center). Breakdown: 23% evangelical Protestant, 26% Catholic, 2% Jewish, 2% Muslim, 16% unaffiliated (Pew Research Center).
New Commandment:
"Thou shalt not require classrooms to display the Ten Commandments when you donāt pay attention to any of them anyway."
š Why Listen?
Hilarious Takes: From divine commentary to satirical analysis, our humorous spin on the latest political absurdities will keep you laughing.
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NOTE FROM GOD: I accidentaly said the wrong governor's name in this episode. I regret the error.
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