Episodes
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So, you love your partner and you can see that what they're doing holds them back. Should you tell them what they're doing wrong? In this episode we will explore the impact of telling your partner what to change, the motivations involved, the best way to do it, and others ways to support your partner in their growth.
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In this episode we explore a specific kind of gaslighting that takes place when one partner is domineering and/or perfectionist. Whether the perfectionist partner intends to or not, they may leave their partner feeling like there is something defective about them. I call this moral gaslighting and it's both painful for the partner, and keeps the perfectionistic partner locked in a delusion of superiority. Unlike classic gaslighting though, moral gaslighting may have a very different motivation, and understanding that motivation can help to improve the situation.
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Episodes manquant?
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Research indicates that as many as 70% of us experience imposter syndrome, the dread that you aren’t as good as others think you are, coupled with the certainty that they’ll discover the discrepancy and point you out with shame-shooting fingers. But we don't have to go through that. The solution is not proving to yourself that you're amazing after all, but building a foundation of basic self-respect and self-compassion that can withstand the inevitable pressure of pursuing your passions in life.
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Parenting for Type A, driven, ambitious, high-achieving and obsessive-compulsive parents requires a different approach than the one we usually bring to our lives. Rather than pushing it requires waiting, in addition to work it requires play, and rather than achievement it requires connection. And because we don't always come across as we think we do, our children may experience us as being more demanding than we actually are. Both Type A parents and their children will find this informative. Please join us for this research-based exploration of the perils and potentials of the obsessive-compulsive parent.
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If you've ever wanted to tell people or the world to shut up, back off, and quite pressuring you, you may have experienced Demand Resistance. This can be effective, but in some cases it might mean that you don't get your emotional needs met. Understanding what motivates you to protest, rebel or go on strike is an essential step in learning to use resistance skillfully.
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Take a moment to step back and look at the big picture of your life. Too often we lose track and lose our way, allowing defenses, habits, and behavioral avoidance to take us away from what's important. This may be most true of those with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder--whose intense drive can take them off course more quickly than other disorders. As even the APA's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual says in its diagnostic criteria for OCPD, "Is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost." Take that same energy, plug it into honoring meaningful priorities, and you're on track to becoming a healthier compulsive.
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Letting go and giving up are near enemies: one is healthy while the other might try to look like it's healthy, but really isn't. Letting go frees us to pursue more fulfilling ways of living, while giving up causes depression. Join us for a discussion of the differences and how to come out on the better side.
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We're all equipped to hold on to the things that ground our lives and give them meaning. But that tool is too often enlisted in ways that do neither. Too often we hold onto rules, money and time in ways that make our minds crowded and noisy, and prevent us from letting in the things that really feel good. Join me in a discussion of psychological hoarding, the obsessive-compulsive tendency that runs in the background far more than we like to imagine.
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The effects of shame can be seen all around us--largely in people's attempts to avoid it. If not confronted directly, shame can lead us to either withdraw, or to compensate with achievement, virtue or perfectionism. None of which work. Join us for this exploration of one of the most destructive emotions we experience, and find a better way to handle it.
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The obsessive-compulsive personality can make you rigid, or it can be enlisted for healthy change. Fixed mindset can get you stuck while growth mindset can help you utilize its predilection for mastery. This episode lays bare the ongoing battle between the two and the unrecognized allegiance to fixed mindset. It also offers suggestions about how to make sure that growth mindset wins the fight.
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We all like to be right. But our need to be right can get us into wrong because it can lead to self-deception and rationalization. The more convinced you are that your thinking and intuitions are right, the more likely it is that you're wrong. Join me as I question what it means to be certain, and explore why the answer to being certain is to question.
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Getting help for perfectionism, control issues, work addiction, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) isn't easy, but it can be life-changing. Having some idea of what types of treatment are available, and how to best use your time once you get into therapy can make it easier to find you way in, and to make it more effective. This two-part episode includes "What is the Best Psychotherapy for OCPD" and "How Does Therapy for OCPD Actually Work," and offers guidance in your search for help. If you can put your obsessive and compulsive tendencies into service for change, you can make your life much more fulfilling.
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What if you had been taken over by a part of your personality, a part of your personality that was meant to help you, but had become a tyrant? Join us for an interview with "Obsessive-Compulsive," also known as OCom, as we explore how to make the best use of this driven part of you. Playful, yet at the same time serious, this episode describes an example of parts work, experiential, psychological work that gets past the conflict between reason and feeling that we too often run into when trying to change.
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Guilt complexes can be limiting, disturbing, and suffocating. But they can also keep us out of trouble. Join us for an exploration of how to make your guilt complex more adaptive and less oppressive, while learning one of the newest and most powerful techniques in psychotherapy.
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The need to turn chaos into order is one of the deepest narratives of the obsessive-compulsive personality. Based on an ancient story found in many of the world's cultures, it can lead to a meaningful life, or a life filled with demands and frustrations. Awareness of this constantly running background program can help us to make better decisions about when to fight and when to let go.
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Self-compassion has now been shown to be very effective in raising self-worth without the dangers that perfectionism can cause. Having compassion for our shortcomings actually helps us to be more effective and more successful. Join us for this episode on how to achieve self-compassion, with both examples and supporting psychological research.
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How you handle anxiety is one of the main factors that determine whether your obsessive-compulsive personality works for you or against you. Most people have some anxiety, some just handle it better than others. You’ve got determination and drive, but if your anxiety drives you rather than your passion driving you, you’re going to be white-knuckling it for a long time. Join me for an exploration of how to handle anxiety and the fears that lie beneath it.
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