Episodes
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A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation.
Two mindsets from this episode:
When you speak, have a destination in mind.Ask yourself: âWhat is my point exactly?â and âWhy is this something they need to know?â
Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: âDoes what Iâm talking about right now help us get to the destination?â If not, skip it.
It doesnât matter why you overtalk. Overtalking is limiting. Build your awareness of when you do it.Learn to âhearâ the communications you have.
Who talked how long?
What were the smaller conversations within the larger communication?
More tools to build your self-awareness and communication skills can be found in the Essential Communications bin and in the archive of all 16 years of the show.
Build awareness browsing these categories:
Self-Management
Perception â How You Perceive Yourself
Develop your communication skills in this category:
Communication Skills
Five Episodes to help your skills are:
53 - Answer Whatâs Asked
65 - Sorting & Labeling
20 - Staying on Track
11 - Sounding Executive
16 - Sounding Well-Spoken
âThink Fast Talk Smartâ podcast with Matt Abrahams. Great tools to help you be a better communicator.
Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.
Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.
More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
Coaches!
Download the results of ICF-LAâs pricing survey here.
Be safe, everyone!
The Look & Sound of Leadership team
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A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations.
The 3 listening mindsets:
Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separateDownload the free multi-page learning tool about listening here.
This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:Communication Skills
Managing Yourself
Relationship Building
Five episodes you might listen to are:
136 - A Breakdown of Listening
83 - Leadership and Listening
10 - Listen Without An Agenda
229 - The Sound of Leadership & Management - 2023
232 - Unlocking Executive Presence through Emotional Intelligence
Coaches!
Download the pricing survey here.
Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We welcome coaches at every stage of development. Check us out here:
If youâre curious about coaching, reach out to Tom here.
Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here.
More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, much gratitude!
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Episodes manquant?
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Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors.
This episode dovetails with many ideas in last monthâs episode about Coaching versus Therapy.
Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April.
https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/
Pixarâs Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack. The experience and its aftermath is moving.
MindShift CBT is a free app designed to help you take charge of your anxiety and develop more effective ways of thinking.
Watch the introductory videoDr. Steven Melemis, a mood disorder expert, wrote I Want to Change My Life, filled with practical exercises and a one-month step-by-step plan to start you on a road to transformation.
In under two minutes, Tom shared a âgolden nuggetâ on the âHow to Survive and Thrive Podcast.â You can hear it here.
This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:
For Women
Personal Growth & Self-Development
Self-Talk
Five episodes with more tools to help you master anxiety are:
#52 Coaching v Therapy
#152 Combating Emotional Hijacks
#147 Conquering Fear
#96 The Many Parts of you
#78 Unmasking a Stand-In
Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.
Want a free transcript of this episode? You can download it here.
Every month we share more resources in our Essential News email. Sign up here.
To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy.
The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling:
âThe Executive Impostorâ Episode #176 of âThe Look & Sound of Leadershipâ
Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren Bennis
The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman
Additional tools to support your professional development are these free PDFs from our Essential Tools bin:
Johari Window
Readiness in Coaching
You can listen to Tomâs conversations on these two shows:
âI Need at Coachâ with Adam Packard
âTake Fiveâ with Paul Butler
This episode is tagged in four categories in our podcast archive:
For Women
Managing Yourself
Personal Growth & Self-Development
Self-Talk
Four episodes, in addition to âThe Executive Impostorâ listed above, that will help you dive deeper into the ideas in this episode are:
52 - Coaching v Therapy
191 - Coaching Under Attack
78 - Unmasking a Stand In
171 - Taming the Wild Child
Be in touch with Tom here.
Grab a free transcript of this episode here.
We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message.
This monthâs coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively?
Download the free âGiving Upward Feedbackâ PDF.
In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Hereâs the column he mentions.
This episode is tagged in the library in three categories:
Communication Skills
Feedback
Managing Up
Five related episodes you might listen to are:
74 Dealing with Emotional Responses
14 Delivering Tough Feedback
32 Giving Powerful Feedback
118 Perception is Reality
99 The Disruptive Executive â Part One
Be in touch with Tom here.
Grab a free transcript of the episode here.
We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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Knowing sheâll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like.
Resources for Building Your Networking Skills
Leverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report.
Coaching For Leaders podcast: âHow to Grow Your Professional Networkâ
Coaching For Leaders podcast: âExecutive Presence with Your Elevator Speechâ
10 Rules for NetworkingLink to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools bin
Sorting & Labeling
Link to Sorting & Labeling PDF in Essential Tools bin
The Look & Sound of Leadership: âAssume Equalityâ
The Look & Sound of Leadership: âBeing Conciseâ
This monthâs episode is in the podcast archive in three categories:
For Women
Relationship Building
Social Skills
Five episodes to grow your networking skills:
162 - Acting on the Corporate Stage
180 - Becoming Expert
193 - Branding Yourself
176 - The Executive Impostor
192 - Pursuing a Promotion 2020
Grab a free transcript of this episode here.
Be in touch with Tom here.
We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
Listen to Tomâs conversation with Scott Ritzheimer on âSecrets of the High Demand Coach.â
COACHES!
Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. Youâll get CCEâs, too!
From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
#podcast#leadershipnetworking#growyournetwork#professoinalconnections#networkingskills#leadershipdevelopment#networkbuilding#careerconnections -
An ambitious leader knows sheâll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help.
Some core concepts from this episode:
The purpose of networking is to know people.Donât target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself.Listen to Tomâs âFlowâ and âFallâ stories on the Coaching Stories podcast with Dr. Sam Humphrey.
COACHES!
Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. Youâll get CCEâs, too!https://www.icfla.org/special-interest-groups-2/
Be in touch with Tom here.
Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin including one called â10 Rules of Networking.â
This monthâs episode is in the podcast archive in three categories:
For Women
Relationship Building
Social Skills
Five episodes to grow your networking skills:
42 - The Art of Chat
58 - Elevator Speeches
242 - Mastering Nerves
129 - Mentoring & Mentors
66 - Networking
Tom also mentioned an episode called Conquering People Pleasing.
Grab a free transcript of the episode here.
We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.
From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned.
Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your Nerves
Tomâs Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves:Here is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0
Email Tom and tell him heâs crazy here.
For Coaches! 2 Resources!
1. Coaching Stories Podcast
2. Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF-LA. CCEâs given!Tomâs conversations with Neha Singh on âBridge to Leadershipâ podcast are here and here.
Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin.
This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:Managing Yourself
Nervousness
Self-Talk
Five episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies:
Act âAs Ifâ
Choosing Persistence
Conquering Fear
The Executive Impostor
The Many Parts of You
Grab a free transcript of the episode here.
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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Angry at himself for continually putting othersâ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try.
Be in touch with Tom here.
Listen to Tomâs conversations with Neha on âBridge to Leadershipâ podcast here and here.
Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership.
G.W. Baileyâs imdb page is here.This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:
For Women
Managing Yourself
Self-Talk
Five episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies:188 Boundaries
165 The Conflict Conversation
220 Holding Boundaries
219 How to Set Boundaries
116 Speaking Your Truth
Grab a free transcript of the show here.
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.
From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! -
A vice president, struggling to control his team of artists, learns a technique for managing bad behavior from his coach. He likes it so much, he uses it with his high performers, too.
The tool described in this episode is simple to understand but may take a bit of courage to implement.
Courage can be taught. Brené Brown created her Dare to Lead course for exactly that purpose. Ready to build your courage? Reach out to us here.
Find more resources to build your skills in the podcast archive. Search these categories:
AssertivenessFeedback
Management Skills
Five episodes you might listen to are:
#47 Discussing Difficult Behaviors
#18 Holding People Accountable
#138 Managing Disruptive Executives
#127 Managing Performance: Up or Out
#65 Sorting & Labeling
A free infographic for Sorting & Labeling is in our Essential Tools bin. Help yourself to that and all the others.
Thinking about developing someone in your organization, or yourself? Reach out to Tom here.
Grab a free transcript of the show here.
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
#podcast #managingbadbehavior #leadershippodcast #leadershipchallenges #behaviormanagement #leadershiptips #leadershipdevelopment -
A leader is so furious with his self-absorbed boss, he considers quitting the company. He asks his coach to help him manage himself and defuse his triggers.
In addition to the five strategies Tom talks about in this episode, there are lots more strategies in his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching For Leaders âHow to Deal with a Boss Whoâs a Jerk.â
Tomâs wide-ranging conversation with Josh Dittmer can be found here.
Free tools to support your professional development are in our Essential Tools bin. Please help yourself.
Ready to explore coaching? Reach out to Tom here.Other episodes to help you manage yourself in difficult workplace relationshipsare:
The Disruptive Executive â Part OneThe Disruptive Executive â Part TwoDonât Take It PersonallyHandling Defensive BehaviorsThe High-Maintenance ExecutiveLooking for a transcript of the show? Download it here.
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.
Thanks to all of you, from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership.Happy, healthy, safe new year!
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Tired of losing to more savvy players, a leader seeks to decode the secrets of playing politics, focusing particularly on company culture.
Download our free Political Style Chart here.
âThe Secret Handshakeâ is a great tool for mastering workplace politics.
Looking for a transcript of the show? Read it here.
More tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:
For Women
Perception â how you perceive others
Relationship Building
Here are five episodes to help develop your political savvy:
188 - Boundaries
210 - How to grow your self-management
67 - âI hate politicsâ
142 - The Mindful Executive
121 - Your Goodwill Bank Account
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.
Let us know how we can support you.
Happy, healthy, safe new year. I look forward to being with you all in 2024.
From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, Happy New Year! And thanks! -
A leader feels stuck. She sees others winning resources she felt should have been hers, but she hates playing politics. What to do?
Download our free Political Style Chart here.
âThe Secret Handshakeâ is a great tool for mastering workplace politics.
Many more tools are in our podcast library. This episode is in three categories:Self-Talk
Leadership
For Women
Here are five episodes to help develop your political savvy:
187 - Agreeable Disagreement215 - How to Stay Calm Under Fire
192 - Pursuing a Promotion
207 - Tough Conversations
67 - âI Hate Politicsâ
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.
JAPAN!Email me with your suggestions for what we should not miss in Japan this December! [email protected]
Let us know how we can support you.
Be kind to yourself. Things are rough out there! From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, be well! And thanks! -
A leader, surrounded by people she knows and trusts, canât seem to get traction with them. In conversation with her coach, she discovers an unexpected cause.
Tools for teams abound in this episode.The four tools Tom suggests as first steps for helping your team openly discuss ideas are:
Say âthank youâ when people offer an idea;Be curious; donât dismiss ideas or people;Donât take differences personally; itâs not about you;Develop your comfort with disagreement.The Gradients of Agreement tool supports the ideas in this episode. Download it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like Sorting & Labeling.
Additional tools for team growth mentioned in this episode are the classic Crucial Conversations and Tomâs conversation on The cATalyzing Podcast.
This episode is in our podcast library in three categories:
Communication Skills
Leading Teams
Management Skills
Specific episodes that will help you develop your team are:
Facilitating Open Dialogue
How Teams Fight
Leadership Behavior in Meetings
Power Tools for Teams: Plus/Delta
Questions as Leadership
Taming Meetings
Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. You can sign up here.
To those of you who post reviews, thank you so much for supporting the show.
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, be well! And thanks!
#podcast #TeamDecisionMaking #Teamwork #Leadership #ConsensusBuilding #EffectiveTeams #TeamCommunication #TeamLeadership -
A co-founder, at odds with his partner (also his best friend!), reaches out to his coach for help saving the business and the friendship.
The episode introduces The Conflict Resolution Wheel. Download it for free from our Essential Tools bin along with other communication tools like the Feeling Words Grid.
The Wheel is based on a tool in the Couple Communication course, a program to help you understand and connect with your partner better.
The courseâs workbook, Talking and Listening Together, is meant for self-study. Itâs available for purchase online.
Another book Tom references in this episode is the classic Crucial Conversations.
This episode is in our podcast library in three categories:
Communication Skills
Managing Yourself
Relationship Building
Five episodes that will help you continue to develop your conflict resolution skills are:Conflict
The Conflict Conversation
Creating Safety for Hard Talks
A Difficult Conversation
Resolving Conflict
Every month our Essential News email provides links to even more resources. You can sign up here.Thank you thank you thank you to those of you who post reviews. You make such a difference to us. Thanks for supporting the show!
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, be well! And thanks!
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A senior leader, having risen through the ranks, ends her coaching engagement by comparing notes with her coach about the skills that have helped her most.
This episode identified seven essential leadership skills:
Conquer catastrophic thinking;Use fewer words;Value relationships as highly as results;Donât take anything personally;Commitment to Development;Reflection;Speak for Yourself.Resources to develop those last three:
Commitment to Development
The Executive Executive â an episode with a different list of essential skillsFour Factors Executives Need to be Successful â another list of essential skills [email protected] â my email address if you want help thinking about your own developmentThe Ability to Reflect
Mindfulness ResourcesBuilding Self-AwarenessSpeak for Yourself
The Four Agreements â Agreement #1: âBe Impeccable with Your Wordâ
Showing TeethThe Voice of AuthorityAssertion v Aggression
Episodes to build assertion:This monthâs episode lives in our podcast library in these three categories:
Executive Presence
Leadership
Self-Talk
Five episodes to help you with different skills are:Building Empathy
âDonât Take Anything Personallyâ
The Executive Executive
Personal Connections
Short Sounds Confident
Our monthly email has links to more resources. You can sign up here.All our infographics are available to you for free in the Essential Tools bin.
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!
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At the end of her rope, a leader asks her coach for help managing a direct report who, she says, is the most defensive person sheâs ever met.
This episode was packed with tools. Weâve put them into an easy-to-understand infographic. Download it for free here.
Kim Scott, the best-selling author of the electric book Radical Candor, wrote a short, friendly guide with tools for handling defensive employees. Find it here.
Harvard Business Reviewâs Amy Gallo talked with Dave Stachowiak on this episode of the Coaching for Leaders podcast. As with every episode of Daveâs, this is indispensable.
To work on âdeservingâ dive into The Four Agreements.
To dig deeper into tools for taming defensiveness, search our podcast library in these three categories:
Communication SkillsManagement Skills Relationship BuildingFive specific episodes on this topic you could listen to are:
7 Steps to Stop Emotional HijacksBe Impeccable with Your Word Handling Defensive BehaviorsManaging Bad BehaviorManaging Disruptive ExecutivesSign up to get our monthly email with links to resources that support each episode.
Calling all COACHES! Come join our Executive Coaching special interest group (SIG) sponsored by the Los Angeles Chapter of ICF. Check out our SIG and all the others here.
Or shoot me an email with your questions. Iâm at [email protected].
All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.
Your reviews supporting the show help us continue as an ad-free podcast.
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!
Thanks from Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership.
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During her first C-suite years, a leader burned a lot of bridges. Her boss, whoâd traveled a similar path, gets her a coach and sets only one goal: repair relations through emotional intelligence.
Lots and lots of tools and resources this month:Free downloads:
The Feeling Words Grid
EQ Model
Books and papers to sharpen your skills
âExecutive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Successâ
âThe EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Successâ
âThanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Wellâ
âExecutive Presenceâ from Center for Talent Innovation
This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:
Executive Presence
Managing Yourself
Personal Growth & Self-Development
Five episodes to help you command a room:
109 Building Emotional Intelligence
146 Building Empathy
155 The Human Element
69 Leadership & Self-Deception
17 Speaking for Yourself
Please help yourself to any (or all!) of our free infographics in the Essential Tools bin.Our deepest gratitude to those who post reviews. Thank you!!!
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!
Tom and The Look & Sound of Leadership team.
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A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad.
In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about:
âCrucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.â
Conversations with Coaches â Episode #184
Executive Coaching Special Interest Group
The Feeling Word Grid
This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:
Managing Yourself
Perception â How You Perceive Yourself
Self-Talk
Five episodes to help you manage during difficult times:
109 - Building Emotional Intelligence
52 - Coaching versus Therapy
152 - Combating Emotional Hijacks
75 - âDonât Take Anything Personallyâ
171 - Taming the Wild Child
All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.
Your reviews supporting the show help us continue as an ad-free podcast.
Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!
Tom and The Look & Sound of Leadership team.
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Wanting to command rooms with her voice, a team leader turned to her coach for exercises. She learned the secrets of âRVP.â
In this episode, five practices to help you develop a voice that will command a room are discussed:
Vocal varietyExpect resistanceRhythmVolumePitch
This episode has multiple tips and tools for each of those five development areas.The Zootopia clip that gets so much attention is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHKwnUa3txo
This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:
Communication Skills
Executive Presence
Presentation Skills
Five episodes to help you command a room:
186 Video Feedback & Executive Presence
120 Captivate Your Audience
77 The Power of Rehearsal
64 I Talk Too Fast!
34 Keeping Repeated Material Fresh
All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.
Thanks for supporting us with your reviews. Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!
Tom and The Look & Sound of Leadership team.
- Montre plus
