Episodes
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Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, dive deep into the complexities of betrayal trauma, focusing on the emotional and cognitive challenges faced by both partners. They explore how the betrayer's shame and fragmented memories often lead to staggered disclosures, which can further traumatize the betrayed partner. Over time, understanding the flawed nature of memory, the impact of shame, our desire to alleviate discomfort at almost any cost, and the human need for certainty is crucial. By developing emotional regulation, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of oneself and each other, couples can approach the formal disclosure process with less pain, more intention and compassion, and potentially more realistic expectations. This discussion highlights the importance of patience, education, and therapeutic support in healing betrayal trauma.
Tony shares the continuing evolution of his therapeutic approach for working with betrayal trauma, building off of his work with hundreds of couples over the past decade. Tony emphasizes the need to intentionally delay full disclosure until a strong foundation of emotional skills and mutual understanding is built. He explains how therapists must remain differentiated and confident in their methods to guide couples through this challenging process. By focusing on the concepts of memory, certainty, emotional immaturity, and effective communication, Tony and Marla offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the painful path of betrayal trauma.
If you are interested in contacting or working with Marla, you can contact her at [email protected]
00:00 Welcome Back to the Virtual Couch
00:24 Understanding Dual Licensing
01:50 The Licensing Exam Experience
02:31 Introducing the Controversial Theory on Betrayal Trauma
03:39 The Concept of Formal Disclosure
06:34 Personal Experiences with Staggered Disclosure
09:15 Confabulation and Memory Mechanisms
15:55 Therapeutic Approaches to Betrayal Trauma
19:03 Recognizing Signs of Discouragement
20:48 The Two-Choice Dilemma
22:46 Understanding Memory and Its Challenges
27:10 The Quest for Certainty in Relationships
34:39 The Concept of Lying and Its Implications
36:19 Final Thoughts and Reflections -
Understanding the interplay between expectations and emotions can not only help you stay more grounded, but it can also significantly impact your relationships in a positive way. In this episode, Tony delves into the art of managing expectations and emotions to foster healthier connections with others.
Tony explores the detrimental effects of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as pornography, food, or overworking and provides valuable resources for those struggling, including his Path Back recovery group and upcoming emotional maturity courses.
He breaks down the intricate relationship between expectations and emotions, explaining how they influence our reactions and interactions. Tony emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, flexibility, and clear communication in navigating these dynamics.
Through engaging narratives, Tony illustrates how expectations and emotions can either work in harmony or clash, offering practical advice on emotional regulation and psychological flexibility. Tune in to learn how to manage your inner experiences better and cultivate more fulfilling relationships.
00:00 Introduction to the Virtual Couch Podcast
00:36 Exploring the Path Back Recovery Group
01:02 The Complex Dynamics of Shame and Relationships
01:44 Navigating Emotional Needs and Relationship Dynamics
04:24 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
08:09 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Tools for Growth
09:42 Expectations vs. Emotions: A Deep Dive
23:17 Navigating Discomfort and Unmet Expectations
23:48 The Healing Dialogue: Emotions Meet Expectations
25:08 Personal Journey: From Tech to Therapy
27:39 Embracing Discomfort for Growth
35:39 Managing Expectations to Foster Emotional Well-being
38:17 The Power of Acceptance and Psychological Flexibility
41:16 Emotional Regulation: Techniques and Tools
43:50 Concluding Thoughts on Growth and Self-Compassion
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Episodes manquant?
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Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the critical role of differentiation in personal development and relationship growth. Sharing the story of a couple, Lisa and Mike, Tony illustrates how unresolved childhood dynamics can lead to emotional stagnation and superficial interactions in adulthood. He delves into the concepts of differentiation and emotional maturity, drawing on the theories of psychologists Murray Bowen and David Schnarch to explain how individuals can maintain their sense of self while fostering deep, meaningful connections with others. Tony offers actionable insights on embracing individuality, managing emotional reactivity, and the importance of self-soothing for achieving a balanced and fulfilling relationship dynamic.
00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Introductions and Announcements
01:20 Unpacking Emotional Baggage: Lisa and Mike's Story
04:27 The Dynamics of Disagreements: Analyzing Conflict Patterns
07:40 Embracing Discomfort for Growth: A Therapeutic Perspective
12:59 Understanding Differentiation: A Deep Dive into Emotional Maturity
18:52 From Bowen to Schnarch: Exploring Theories of Differentiation
22:20 Applying Differentiation: Real-Life Implications and Strategies
24:20 Breaking Familial Patterns and Emotional Systems
25:00 The Impact of Parental Emotions on Children
27:05 Exploring Schnarch's Concepts on Differentiation
28:19 Applying Differentiation in Relationships
32:24 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Self-Work
35:24 Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Individual Growth
39:47 Embracing Differentiation for a Fulfilling Relationship
43:22 Practical Takeaways for Personal and Relationship Growth
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony shares his recent experiences with change, moving, and personal growth. Tony discusses the unexpected lessons learned from moving out of his home after 25 years, selling items on Facebook Marketplace, dealing with moving trucks, and the psychology of facing unknown challenges. He reflects on how accepting and navigating through the discomfort of change has provided opportunities for growth and understanding. Tony emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, making decisions amidst uncertainty, and the value of experiencing life's twists and turns. This episode encourages listeners to embrace change as a pathway to self-discovery and personal development. Tony references the article "Your Brain Thinks Change is a Good as Rest" by E. Paul Zehr, Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/black-belt-brain/202210/your-brain-thinks-change-is-as-good-as-rest
00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: A Dive into Change and Personal Growth
00:39 The Therapist's Couch: More Than Just Furniture
01:59 Embracing Change: Personal Stories and Professional Insights
02:20 The Move to Arizona: A Catalyst for Reflection and Growth
06:41 Understanding Fatigue: Physical and Mental Aspects
22:47 The Power of Discomfort in Personal Growth
25:03 Procrastination and the Promise of Change
25:24 Exploring Fatigue: Internal vs. External Causes
27:16 The Personal Journey of Embracing Change
28:06 The Power of Meditation and Mindfulness
30:19 Moving Adventures: Decluttering and Preparing
34:26 Navigating the Real Estate and Moving Process
39:14 Learning from the Unexpected: Sales and Acceptance
46:53 Reflections on Growth, Decisions, and Mental Health
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners.
Addressing key issues such as emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, sexual abuse within the relationship, manipulation, boundaries vs. ultimatums, and the critical need for self-validation, Tony provides listeners with practical coping strategies. These strategies underscore the importance of self-reflection, seeking professional guidance, and engaging with supportive communities as vital steps in shedding the lingering effects of controlling relationships.
This episode aims to reassure listeners that they are not isolated in their experiences of unhealthy relationships. It also serves as a resource for those seeking to support family members entangled in abusive dynamics, offering insight into effective ways to provide meaningful support beyond mere words of encouragement. Tony seeks to empower listeners to recognize their inherent worth and foster healthy, mature connections by advocating for relationships grounded in respect and empathy.
00:00 Welcome to the Crossover Episode: Unpacking Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity
00:37 Why Today's Episode Matters: Exploring 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'
01:58 Moving Week and Virtual Client Opportunities
03:58 Understanding Emotional Cuts and Their Impact
05:58 The Challenge of Seeking Validation and Understanding
09:24 Creating Supportive Spaces for Emotional Growth
12:36 Diving into Real-Life Stories of Emotional Immaturity
23:49 The Frustrating Dynamics of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships
33:57 Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism
34:54 The Emotional Toll of Unvalidated Feelings
36:07 Navigating Emotional Safety in Relationships
36:19 The Subtle Manipulations of Emotional Abuse
37:00 Parenting Amidst Emotional Manipulation
38:29 Understanding the Impact of Emotional Abuse Through Stories
46:33 The Role of Pornography in Emotionally Immature Relationships
01:00:43 Financial Control and Emotional Abuse
01:07:45 Finding Healing and Empowerment -
Tony navigates the intricate balance that defines successful partnerships: the harmony between deep emotional connections with your partner and the pursuit of individual growth. Drawing from the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Crucible Approach, with an emphasis on self-differentiation, he shares his own growth experience as a couples therapist over the past 15 years as he has learned how these two aspects—often seen as opposing forces—can complement and enhance each other within a relationship and provide therapists with a more robust toolkit to use when working with couples with a variety of attachment styles, and backgrounds.
Tony explains that facilitating relationship growth is akin to performing a delicate balancing act, where maintaining a close bond with your partner and fostering personal development are both crucial. EFT offers insights into creating a nurturing and supportive environment, encouraging couples to open up and strengthen their emotional ties. On the other hand, the Crucible Approach emphasizes the importance of individuality and self-growth, urging partners to preserve their unique identities even as they grow closer together. Tony shares practical advice and strategies for couples at any stage of their relationship, aiming to make the concepts of emotional connection and personal growth accessible and actionable. He shares how to cultivate a relationship that embraces unity and individual strength, leading to a more dynamic, supportive, and fulfilling partnership.
00:00 Welcome and Introduction: The Journey of a Therapist
00:39 Diving Into Emotional Architects: A New Approach to Men's Emotional Growth
01:53 Exploring Healthy vs. Unhealthy Egos in Relationships
05:56 The Evolution of Couples Therapy: From No Secrets Policy to Emotional Honesty
12:19 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) vs. The Crucible Approach: A Therapist's Perspective
22:09 Blending EFT and The Crucible Approach: A New Paradigm in Couples Therapy
30:57 Attachment Theory and EFT: Understanding Relationship Dynamics
33:05 Exploring Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
40:19 Deep Dive into Crucible Approach: A New Perspective on Therapy
40:51 Differentiation and Personal Growth: A Crucial Element in Relationships
44:38 The Crucible Method: Transforming Sexual Intimacy and Personal Growth
47:08 Facing Conflict Head-On: The Crucible Approach to Relationship Challenges
49:54 Applying Differentiation to EFT Concepts: A Comparative Analysis
01:08:48 Conclusion: Embracing Growth and Self-Discovery in Relationships
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Kurt Francom, the executive director and podcast host of Leading Saints ([Leading Saints](https://www.leadingsaints.org)). Kurt's first book, "Is God Disappointed in Me: Removing Shame From the Gospel of Grace," is available on Amazon ([Amazon Link](https://amzn.to/49BYUCk)). In a candid admission, Tony shares his emotionally immature reaction upon discovering Kurt's book through a third party, revealing the concocted narratives in his head about their relationship, with Kurt unknowingly cast as the villain. The revelation of Tony's oversight in missing a crucial recording sent by Kurt months earlier brings to light the miscommunication that unwittingly altered their friendship dynamic. Peace is restored Through their conversation, and their bond of best friendship is reaffirmed. The discussion then shifts to Kurt's book, delving into the intricate concepts of ego and identity. They explore the notion of a healthy ego, the pervasive quest for validation, and how living for an identity differs fundamentally from living from an identity that has been validated by divine grace.
Kurt highlights the identity paradox, suggesting that receiving grace allows us to extend it more freely. He references Carl Rogers, stating, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can begin to change." This acceptance is seen not as a form of apathy but as a mindful acknowledgment that paves the way for genuine personal transformation. Kurt deepens the conversation by asserting that recognizing our inherent validation from God enables us to cultivate a meaningful relationship with Him. This evolution occurs not because of our deeds but due to our intrinsic value and identity.
00:00 Introduction and Casual Banter
00:33 Discussing Kurt Francom's New Book
01:34 Exploring the Concept of Acceptance
02:20 Reflecting on Personal Experiences and Challenges
03:26 The Importance of Validation and Acceptance
04:59 Unpacking the Imposter Syndrome
06:25 The Role of Repentance in Personal Growth
08:13 Understanding the Impact of Misunderstanding God
10:00 The Power of Acceptance in Personal Transformation
12:06 The Journey of Repentance and Turning to God
13:42 Conclusion: The Power of Acceptance and Repentance
22:10 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact
22:42 The Role of Validation in Our Lives
23:37 The Struggle for Acceptance and Validation
24:42 The Power of God's Love and Validation
25:31 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Differentiation
26:48 The Importance of Embracing Change and Growth
28:03 The Role of Ego in Our Personal Development
28:38 The Power of Grace and Forgiveness
29:40 The Struggle with Validation and Recognition
30:07 The Journey of Writing a Book
31:21 The Power of Curiosity and Openness in Learning
32:20 The Role of Identity in Our Spiritual Journey
34:16 The Importance of Acceptance and Self-Respect
35:35 The Power of Differentiation and Self-Awareness
37:46 The Struggle with Defensive Narcissism
39:42 The Power of Acceptance and Self-Validation
41:44 The Journey of Self-Reflection and Growth
43:14 The Power of Humility and Self-Acceptance
44:06 The Journey of Writing and Publishing a Book
45:17 The Power of Authenticity and Self-Expression
45:55 The Importance of Embracing Change and Uncertainty
46:46 The Power of Self-Acceptance and Self-Love
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, joins Tony on the Virtual Couch to discuss dealing with grief and loss. Marla is a new associate working with Tony. Marla received her master's degree in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University. She shares her passion for her work in mental health counseling and touches on her own personal experience about shifting from being a stay-at-home mom to a counselor following a divorce. Marla discusses her approach to dealing with grief and loss in clients, which she shares as an inescapable human experience. She elaborates on the stages of grief as proposed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, shedding light on David Kessler’s addition of the sixth stage, 'reconstruction/rebuilding'. Emphasizing the subjectivity of the grieving process, Marla recommends being compassionate, patient, and welcoming toward one's emotions throughout. She also talks about the role of religion and spirituality in helping individuals rebound quickly from grief due to the sense of community they provide.
Marla and her husband, Nate Christensen, APCC, host the podcast “Working Change,” which you can find wherever you listen to podcasts or visit https://blubrry.com/workingchange. Marla has a few openings and can be reached directly at [email protected], or you can reach out to Tony at [email protected]
00:00 Introduction and Welcoming Marla
00:22 Getting to Know Marla: Her Journey into Therapy
01:20 Marla's Early Years and Path to Therapy
02:20 Marla's Podcast and Mental Health Advocacy
03:08 Marla's Experience with Grief and Loss
04:11 The Impact of Life Experience on Therapy
05:58 Understanding Grief and Loss
08:50 The Stages of Grief
27:42 The Role of Religion and Spirituality in Grief
30:08 Final Thoughts and Advice on Navigating Grief
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, offers an in-depth exploration of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) to provide a fresh perspective on mindful parenting. The discussion centers around the transformative power of NHA's "Stand 1," which advocates for focusing energy on celebrating children's successes rather than engaging in negative behavior. Additionally, Tony explains the ACT principle of "acceptance," emphasizing the importance of embracing our present experiences without judgment to cultivate a compassionate and supportive family environment.
The episode also delves into the Buddhist "First and Second Darts" metaphor, teaching parents how to mitigate distress by managing their reactions to challenging parenting situations. Through practical examples and strategies, Tony demonstrates how these principles can be applied to everyday challenges, such as defiance and fostering positive behaviors. By focusing on these core concepts, the episode aims to empower parents with actionable advice to strengthen their connections with their children, highlighting the critical role of presence and engagement in the parenting journey.
00:00 Introduction: A Letter from a Fan
00:37 The Journey of Parenting: Realizations and Challenges
02:41 The Power of Acceptance in Parenting
03:06 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Episode 415
03:27 The Overwhelm of Parenting: A Therapist's Perspective
05:19 The Nurtured Heart Approach: A Parenting Model
05:40 The Impact of Social Media on Parenting
12:03 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Parenting
15:52 Practical Scenarios: Applying the Nurtured Heart Approach and ACT
22:11 Embracing the Chaos: Nurtured Heart Approach and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
22:49 Understanding the Concept of First and Second Dart Reactions
23:25 Applying the First and Second Dart Concept in Parenting
27:12 The Power of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Parenting
30:59 The Brain's Desire for Certainty and Avoidance of Discomfort
37:01 Embracing Uncertainty and Accepting Experiences
38:06 The Power of Living in the Present Moment
38:48 Final Thoughts and Takeaways
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25 . https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
This description and the show notes are brought to you directly from AI, Sydney, and I truly wouldn't sound so silly! This dialogue-based presentation dives deep into the complexities of mental health and interpersonal relationships. With therapy experiences, personal observations, and explored topics ranging from narcissism, ADHD, and addiction to marriage and parenting, Tony and his co-host Sydney guide the audience through poignant discussions. Key concerns include asserting oneself in relationships, dealing with alcoholics, recognizing psychopathic traits, and handling personal issues such as adult ADHD and depression. The conversation also delves into the potent combination of medicine and therapy while exploring the nuances of 'emotional baseline' and its elevation through the usage of medication.
00:04 Introduction and Welcome
00:44 Live Relationship Q&A: Narcissism, Marriage, Parenting, ADHD, Addiction
01:17 The Awkward Start of the Live Session
01:28 Casual Conversation: Therapy, Parenting, and Narcissism
02:02 Deep Dive into Narcissism and Relationships
02:41 Exploring the Human Magnet Syndrome
03:10 The Complexity of Narcissistic Relationships
03:25 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
04:26 Transition to Reading Reddit Stories
04:51 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience
05:11 Humorous Interactions and Casual Banter
05:20 Discussion on ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity
06:35 Reading and Discussing Reddit Stories
07:17 Deeper Conversation on Narcissism and Relationships
08:45 Understanding Differentiation in Relationships
11:55 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion
12:33 Exploring ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
15:36 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 2
17:18 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 2
19:12 Understanding the Dynamics of Narcissistic Relationships
20:51 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 3
22:58 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 3
25:22 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 4
27:14 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 4
28:52 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 5
30:53 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 5
31:37 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 6
33:20 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 6
35:17 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 7
37:10 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 7
37:53 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 8
40:42 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 8
42:52 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 9
36:55 Discussing Alcoholism and Addiction
37:24 Understanding Addictive Behaviors
38:20 The Role of Therapy in Addiction
42:18 Exploring the Concept of Micro Cheating
43:16 The Impact of Micro Cheating on Relationships
43:29 The Role of Authenticity in Relationships
45:08 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity
47:01 The Connection Between Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Baseline
48:59 The Importance of Emotional Connection in Relationships
01:07:37 The Role of Medication in Mental Health
01:10:08 Closing Thoughts and Reflections
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into an article by Dr. Richard Friedman titled 'Plenty of People Could Quit Therapy Right Now.' Tony reads the article and comments in real-time, talking about the many different reasons people come to therapy, the importance of the therapist/client relationship, and what to do if you don’t feel a connection with your therapist. He discusses why talk therapy works and provides additional personal insights, bringing in his background in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). He shares some of the challenges he has with the more popular CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy modality. The discussion revolves around concepts like the potentially harmful effects of prolonged therapy when to consider ending therapy, and the possibility of 'therapy vacations'. Lastly, Tony underlines the importance of having a clear treatment plan, addressing the client’s goals, and reinforcing the idea that progress is made when clients implement what they’ve learned in their day-to-day lives.
00:00 Introduction: The Clickbait Phenomenon
01:13 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Episode 413
01:36 The Power of Numerology: Understanding 413
02:40 The Magnetic Marriage: A Valentine's Special
03:55 The Art of Clickbait: A Deep Dive
04:55 The Case for Quitting Therapy: A Discussion
08:14 The Role of a Therapist: A Personal Perspective
09:43 Understanding Different Types of Therapists
12:01 The Case for Quitting Therapy: An Article Review
16:07 The Role of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
19:50 The End Goal of Therapy: Thriving on Your Own
20:48 Understanding Emotions and Interactions
21:27 The Role of Therapy in Emotional Processing
21:36 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: An Overview
22:00 The Power of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
23:05 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Its Impact
25:39 The Importance of Trust in Therapy
26:28 The Role of Therapy in Dealing with Trauma
28:01 The Long-Term Benefits of Therapy
28:09 The Challenges of Accessing Therapy
28:20 The Potential Risks of Over-Reliance on Therapy
29:51 The Role of Therapy in Personal Growth
31:16 The Importance of Finding the Right Therapist
38:23 The Role of Medication in Therapy
38:52 The Importance of Self-Reflection in Therapy
41:37 The Benefits of Taking a Break from Therapy
42:35 Final Thoughts on the Role and Impact of Therapy
Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles the timeless question, "Why do we care so much about what others think?" Offering insights on halting the cycle of worrying over others' opinions, Tony emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself (and ponders, "Who am I, really?"). He explores finding that sweet spot between valuing the world's input and heeding our inner voice—the one who truly knows us best. Tony illustrates that while the opinions of others can offer some worth, there's a limit to their significance. Ultimately, we have the fantastic opportunity to be captains of our ships, navigating through rough seas and basking in sunny skies alike.
Available NOW Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ
00:00 Introduction: The Big Question
00:46 Welcome to the Virtual Couch
00:57 Therapeutic Tools: Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation
01:48 Valentine's Day Special: Mini Course and Game
02:53 Why Do We Care So Much About What Others Think?
11:20 The Power of Projection and Shadow Self
17:06 Understanding and Accepting Your Shadow Self
20:18 Setting Healthy Boundaries
21:40 You Are Not the Center of the Universe
22:16 Understanding Our Place in the Universe
23:04 Exploring the Concept of Solipsism
24:27 The Reality of Other People's Existence
25:45 The Impact of Caring Too Much About Others' Opinions
26:59 The Importance of Authenticity and Individuality
28:48 The Consequences of Worrying About Others' Opinions
30:11 Trusting Your Instincts and Navigating Life
32:56 Balancing External Advice with Internal Compass
35:55 Understanding the Persona and Authenticity
42:38 Embracing Your Whole Self and Authentic Connections
43:34 Conclusion: The Value of Self-Understanding and Authenticity -
(Description provided by AI, i.e., we’re really not this stuffy) On this TikTok live session, a father-daughter duo - Tony, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and his daughter, Sydney- discuss complicated familial relationships, drawing from a real-life scenario. They elaborate on the perspective of a 15-year-old girl attempting to navigate difficult relationships with her father and his new girlfriend after the death of her mother. The pair extract valuable lessons and give insightful advice about seeking validation, getting emotional support, and making the necessary decisions for one's emotional well-being. They also discuss inherent human behaviors and the importance of emotional maturity and curiosity in handling fraught relationships. The conversation also includes light-hearted banter and comical exchanges that reveal their own relationship dynamics.
Watch the latest Relationship QA's with Sydney and Tony on The Virtual Couch YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/@TheVirtualCouchPodcast
Tony references his daughter Mackie Overbay's Podcast, "The Mind, The Mirror and Me," Please follow/subscribe to the Mind, the Mirror, and Me podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find it on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/episode/7d4zmbpTEuKqabIjgXFq9N?si=6133f8620d4a41d1 or Apple Podcasts at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687?i=1000639575815
00:02 Introduction and Setting the Stage
00:16 Diving into Relationship Advice
01:02 Discussing the Role of a Therapist
01:10 Analyzing a Real-Life Relationship Scenario
01:51 Understanding Emotional Discomfort and Communication
04:27 Exploring the Concept of Emotional Immaturity
06:01 Exploring the Concept of Control in Relationships
06:35 Unpacking the Impact of Assumptions in Relationships
07:22 Discussing the Importance of Curiosity and Non-Judgment
09:44 Analyzing a Case of Parent-Child Conflict
15:08 Discussing the Importance of Trust and Authenticity
18:55 Understanding the Role of Friends in Relationship Issues
21:10 Dad's New Girlfriend Drama
21:38 Learning New Slangs
21:57 Eavesdropping on Dad's Call
22:16 Feeling Betrayed and Disrespected
22:42 The Struggle of Communication
23:15 Light-Hearted Banter
23:33 Revisiting the Painful Conversation
24:02 Contemplating Leaving Home
24:20 The Role of Parents in Maintaining Relationships
26:26 The Struggle of Being Misunderstood
27:48 Moving to Grandparents' House
28:39 Dealing with Dad's Silence
30:12 Understanding Anxiety and Stress
32:11 The Power of Self-Validation
42:51 Wrapping Up and Saying Goodbye -
Tony shares the story of Hudson and Bailey, a couple working towards improving their marriage, particularly around communication patterns and how they deal with conflict. The episode focuses on the couple's struggle with common relationship issues that have resulted in miscommunication and misunderstandings. Tony outlines key behavioral models and strategies such as his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation, his “pre-pillar” based on the concepts of Marshall Rosenberg’s “Non-violent communication” techniques, he talks about boundaries vs. ultimatums, differentiation (ultimately it’s a “me thing,”) and goes over his way to “hold the assertive frame.” Tony also addresses handling post-argument anxiety and practicing emotional maturity. The episode aims to provide viewers with practical solutions to commonplace marital challenges and ways to navigate through them. This episode is sponsored by Tony’s updated “Magnetic Marriage” course. Sign up for his newsletter at http://tonyoverbay.com for more information.
00:00 Introduction and Background of Hudson and Bailey
00:26 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships
00:45 Understanding the Dynamics of Hudson and Bailey's Relationship
01:56 A Pivotal Argument: Unpacking the Communication Breakdown
05:54 The Aftermath: Dealing with Post-Argument Anxiety
08:03 The Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation
08:45 Addressing Hudson and Bailey's Specific Concerns
12:03 Strategies for Resolving Arguments and Managing Anxiety
23:06 The Role of Mindfulness in Navigating Relationship Challenges
24:51 The Power of Mindfulness and Meditation
25:34 Understanding the Concept of Differentiation
26:12 The Role of Emotions in Communication
27:52 The Importance of Objective Observations in Communication
33:40 The Concept of Holding the Assertive Frame
34:45 Understanding and Managing Communication Breakdowns
38:01 The Role of Emotional Maturity in Relationships
43:23 The Importance of Self-Reflection and Growth
48:18 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony takes inspiration from Carolyn Steber's article, "Is Everyone Out Here Lying To Their Therapist," https://www.bustle.com/wellness/lying-to-therapist using it as a muse (and explaining what a muse is) to explore the benefits and challenges of therapy from both the client's and therapist's viewpoints. He delves into primary and secondary emotions, highlighting how humor and anger often serve as secondary emotions. Tony also unpacks the origin of the "what's wrong with me" mindset, explaining how children internalize emotions, leading to a reliance on external validation in adulthood. The episode concludes with insightful discussions on neuroplasticity, implicit memory, and the significant benefits of being honest with your therapist.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:41 Engaging with the Audience: Social Media and Live Q&A
01:58 The Power of Muse and Self-Reflection
03:45 Exploring the Article: Is Everyone Lying to Their Therapist?
04:07 Understanding the Role of a Therapist
06:12 The Science Behind Talk Therapy
14:18 The Role of Humor in Therapy
17:47 Understanding Primary and Secondary Emotions
24:32 Understanding Secondary Emotions
24:52 Exploring Anger and Humor as Secondary Emotions
25:31 The Role of Childhood Experiences in Shaping Emotions
26:38 The Impact of Humor as a Coping Mechanism
28:27 The Power of Neuroplasticity and Implicit Memory
29:23 The Influence of Environment on Emotional Tendencies
30:04 The Role of Humor in Therapy Sessions
30:31 The Importance of Honesty in Therapy
32:02 Understanding the Role of Validation in Therapy
37:54 The Power of Neuroplasticity in Changing Emotional Responses
39:57 The Role of Therapists and Coaches in Emotional Growth
40:08 Understanding the Importance of Comfort and Trust in Therapy
44:04 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Did you know there are several different types of rest beyond just sleeping? Coming from a 'we don’t know what we don’t know' standpoint, today’s episode has the potential to be both a game-changer and life-changing as we unveil how identifying and fulfilling these diverse types of rest can revolutionize your health, happiness, and productivity. Tony Overbay, LMFT, interviews Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith about her book 'Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity' (https://amzn.to/3TFp6GZ). They discuss the critical distinction between sleep and rest, amplified through Dr. Saundra’s 'Seven Types of Rest' framework. Dr. Saundra shares the seven types of rest she has found lacking in the lives of those she encounters in her clinical practice and research - physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, sensory, social, and creative - and explains why a deficiency in any one of these types of rest can have unfavorable effects on your health, happiness, relationships, creativity, and productivity. This episode highlights the importance of self-care and the need to become a personal health advocate. Dr. Saundra shares her experiences with burnout, which led to an emphasis on rest in her life. They discuss issues related to work-life balance and the over-reliance on screens and identify areas for enhancing rest that most people aren’t aware of. Then, Tony took Dr. Saundra’s 'rest quiz' and reviewed the results. You can find the Rest Quiz at https://www.restquiz.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/
00:00 Introduction and Personal Reflections on Sleep
01:31 Historical Figures and Their Sleep Patterns
02:25 The Misconceptions and Judgments Around Sleep
04:11 Personal Struggles with Sleep and Introduction of Guest
05:21 Taking the Rest Quiz and Discussing the Results
06:29 Introduction to Dr. Saundra Dalton and Her Work
06:36 Debunking Common Myths About Sleep
09:10 The Importance of Different Types of Rest
11:14 The Impact of Sensory Overload on Rest
12:49 The Role of Spiritual Rest in Overall Wellbeing
14:14 The Importance of Emotional and Social Rest
36:21 The Personal Journey Towards Understanding Rest
37:17 Sharing the Secret to Happiness at Work
37:22 Identifying Your Rest Deficit
37:46 Taking the Rest Quiz
38:44 Personal Journey and Motivation
40:17 Navigating the Healthcare System
40:43 Taking Control of Your Health
42:39 Unexpected End of Interview
43:06 Bonus: Taking the Rest Quiz Live
01:08:38 Interpreting the Rest Quiz Results
01:12:57 Conclusion and Recommendations
Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/
To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony addresses why so many New Year’s resolutions don’t last and explores the concept of value-based goals and the importance of aligning them with personal values for the sake of authenticity and lasting change. He discusses the shortcomings of the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goal-setting method. He plays clips from an interview with his friend Neal Hooper about their discoveries on incorporating Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into the goal-setting process. Neal introduces the elements necessary for genuine progress and fulfillment - the 'why' and 'how' of making SMARTER goals. Drawing from the principles of ACT and illustrating through the story of the client “Jason’s” transformational journey, he emphasizes the significance of acceptance, committed action, and psychological flexibility. The episode also points out the need to view setbacks as opportunities for growth, not pitfalls, and illustrates the importance of flexibility in goal setting.
00:00 Introduction: The Struggle with Traditional Goal-Setting
01:27 Meet the Host: Tony Overbay and His Podcasts
03:11 The Problem with New Year's Resolutions
06:48 The SMART Goals Method: An Overview
08:21 Jason's Story: A Case Study in Goal Setting
09:27 The Limitations of SMART Goals: Jason's Experience
14:26 The Shift to Values-Driven Goals
15:00 Jason's Transformation: Embracing a Holistic Approach
22:27 Conclusion: The Power of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Goal Setting
23:01 Challenges and Old Habits
23:24 Acceptance and Compassion in Change
24:10 The Power of Small Victories
24:42 Aligning Goals with Personal Values
25:13 The Pitfalls of Yo-Yo Dieting
25:42 The Pushup Challenge: A Personal Journey
26:25 Embracing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
27:27 The Power of Daily Commitment
29:56 The Importance of Why and How in Goal Setting
30:22 The Role of Shame in Goal Setting
30:56 The Problem with Traditional Goal Setting
31:19 The Importance of Perceived Value and Capability in Goals
34:36 The Power of Smarter Goals
41:58 The Misconception of Committed Action
43:25 The Role of Setbacks in Growth
44:14 Embracing Discomfort and Doubt
44:42 Conclusion: The Power of ACT Principles
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony shares the latest episode of “The Mind, The Mirror and Me,” a podcast he co-hosts with his daughter Mackie Overbay. Mackie shares 24 life lessons she's learned in her 24 years of life in honor of her birthday (today! Wish her a happy birthday at @beautybymackie on Instagram). From discussing the importance of setting boundaries to embracing change and adaptability, she discusses different emotional growth and well-being aspects. The episode encourages listeners to introspect on their lessons and take things in stride, emphasizing that no one has life entirely figured out, and that's alright. Please follow/subscribe to the Mind, the Mirror, and Me podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find it on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/episode/7d4zmbpTEuKqabIjgXFq9N?si=6133f8620d4a41d1 or Apple Podcasts at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687?i=1000639575815
00:00 Introduction and Studio Banter
00:24 The Reality of Therapy and Emotional Heavy Lifting
01:29 The Irony of Therapy Sessions
01:42 The Unusual Side of Therapy
02:08 The Struggles of Starting a Therapy Session
02:43 The Unexpected Moments in Therapy
02:55 Celebrating Birthdays and Reflecting on Life
04:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth
06:07 The Importance of Quality Friendships
06:27 The Power of Setting Boundaries
06:31 The Dangers of Comparison
07:28 The Value of Small Victories
08:48 Learning from Failures
09:41 Trusting Your Gut
11:45 Being Present in the Moment
14:22 The Role of Mindfulness in Life
19:46 Embracing the Present Moment
19:59 Outgrowing People and Situations
20:43 Trusting in Destiny
22:39 The Power of Privacy
24:41 Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
27:04 The Importance of Self-Validation
27:34 The Struggles of Being Single
29:40 The Power of Writing Things Down
31:05 Accepting Imperfections
34:47 Finding a Fulfilling Career
35:41 The Futility of Holding Grudges
36:15 Adapting to Change
37:51 The Reality of Human Perception -
What happens when an optimist and a pessimist are in a long-term relationship? According to new research from the article “Can an Unhappy Partner Erode Your Happiness Over Time?”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/202312/can-an-unhappy-partner-erode-your-happiness-over-time by Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D.
they eventually align somewhat in their outlooks, but does this lean toward optimism or pessimism? In this episode, Tony engages in a thorough discussion about emotional contagion in relationships, emphasizing how negative emotions tend to spread more rapidly than positive ones. He draws on various research studies to shed light on 'emotional vampires' - individuals who consistently dampen the mood and thus impact the overall happiness in relationships. Additionally, Tony shares a story from one of his clients, illustrating the significance of self-awareness in fostering a positive approach in relationships. Concluding the episode, he offers practical advice on being aware of your emotional impact and implementing changes for healthier and more positive interactions.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Anecdote
02:01 The Influence of Partners on Each Other's Happiness
02:14 Welcome to the Virtual Couch Podcast
02:36 The Concept of Influence in Relationships
03:44 Upcoming Topics and Magnetic Marriage Course
04:08 The Impact of an Unhappy Partner on Your Happiness
07:06 The Power of Negative Emotions
09:51 The Story of Emily: A Case Study
14:44 The Influence of Happiness and Unhappiness in Relationships
20:03 The Role of Emotional Contagion in Relationships
26:40 Takeaways and Final Thoughts
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Tony mentioned the Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/
Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ -
Tony tackles the misconception of perfection and the fear of making a mistake. He emphasizes the importance of differentiating ourselves, pursuing our genuine passions, and learning to accept the unpredictability of life. Tony guides us to redefine fulfillment and happiness by 'just being ourselves'. He also explores how our minds play tricks on us, in particular, our inherent need for approval and certainty, and examines the role of overconfidence. He finally discusses how embracing the beauty of an ordinary life can make us feel more fulfilled. Dive into this insightful talk and learn more about living authentically and finding joy in your journey.
00:00 Introduction and Story Time
00:38 Ted's Story: The Fear of Making a Mistake
01:14 Ted's Career and Passion for Reading and Writing
02:38 Ted's Realization and Struggle with Self-Acceptance
03:15 The Importance of Pursuing Genuine Happiness
04:19 The Struggle with Comparison and the Desire to Stand Out
04:32 Introduction to the Virtual Couch Podcast
06:07 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Acceptance
09:48 The Role of Others in Our Self-Perception
14:54 The Fear of Rejection and the Desire for Certainty
22:03 The Illusion of Certainty and the Power of Open-Mindedness
26:34 Embracing the Beauty of Being Okay
27:47 Conclusion and Farewell
Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch
Tony mentioned the Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/
Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/
Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384
Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.
You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.
Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ - Montre plus
