Episodes
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We're back with the 1994 Lifetime movie, "Mortal Fear," starring TOML all-star Joanna Kearns as a doctor working in a private clinic where all the healthy patients are getting mysteriously sick and dying.
We talk about all the important topics like smoking in hospitals, wearing silly hats in San Francisco, keeping the poison right next to the headache medicine (both injectables), and euthanizing seemingly healthy patients because....reasons? This movie is downright CONFUSING and not even Robert Englund (that's right, Freddy Kreuger himself is in this) can help us unravel whatever the hell is going on in this one.
Enjoy the episode!
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We're back with the 1993 Lifetime, "The Man With Three Wives," starring Beau Bridges and TOML favorite Joanna Kerns. Beau Bridges just has so much love to give in this one that one wife is two too few.
We talk about all the important topics: microfiche, interesting geography, and the worst way to spend Christmas. We still don't quite understand what is just so appealing about sweaty, doofy Beau Bridges but hey, you do you Three Wives.
Thanks Mr. Shimatsu, and enjoy the episode.
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Episodes manquant?
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Oh look, another out of order episode recorded in the early days of COVID19, it's the 1999 Lifetime movie, A Face to Kill For, starring Wings' own Crystal Bernard. I know what you're thinking, "didn't you already do this one?" This was our question as well as this movie has MANY similarities to our previous episode, A Face to Die For. Here's an easy way to distinguish the two: horses. Other than that, this movie is nearly beat for beat, except a lot less fun and a little more confusing, plus our protagonist is apparently omniscient.
Rocky and Jordan discuss all the important topics: horse drugs, super-genius heroines, and the ability to get a job as a high powered Wall Street trader with seemingly zero experience save for a few books in prison.
Go buy yourself $100 million in Chinese bonds, don't lean over in your car, and enjoy the episode!
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Well I wouldn't go so far as to call this a "lost" episode as much as it was "forgotten to publish" and is now out of order, not that it really matters. It's still covid times for Jordan and Rocky as we watch the 1990 Lifetime movie, Daughter of the Streets, starring Roxana Zal, Jane Alexander and...John Stamos? Yes, Uncle Jesse himself, speaking mostly in falsetto, wearing extraordinary jackets, and giving gross butterfly kisses.
We talk about all the important topics: First period beers, crazy family members, WHORES (seriously, they really say the word "whore" A LOT in this one), the single most jaw-dropping scene of any Lifetime movie we've seen, and The Exorcist. Yes, this movie somehow becomes The Exorcist for about five minutes, truly can't miss TV.
An Irish curse on your family! Enjoy the episode.
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Oh boy it's a movie we've been trying to watch for a while now that it's returned to Youtube, the 1997 thriller/comedy (?)/true story (???)/extended Law and Order episode, Crowned and Dangerous starring one of our favorites, Yasmine Bleeth.
This one might be the campiest movies we've watched to date and we implore you to at least go check out the water skiing scene and its aftermath, especially if you are a fan of Wile E. Coyote.
Rocky and Jordan discuss all the important topics: beauty pageant culture, stage moms, and title cards, my god, why so many title cards?? This movie apparently thinks their audience has the same IQ as a sack of bricks and hell, maybe we do after watching it. It's a little bit Miss USA 1993, a little bit Law and Order and a little bit....Batman? Enjoy the show!
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Whoops, looks like I'm publishing a "lost" episode! I thought this thing was posted in 2021 but apparently not, so here's a bonus episode for all the TOML-heads out there, please ignore our out of date references. It's another COVID episode, this time for the 1993 movie, Cradle of Conspiracy starring Winnie Cooper herself, Danica McKellar, back for her second movie in a row for us.
Today, we're talking the black market-ish baby selling business but mostly making fun of outrageous accents. We touch on all the important topics: the world's worst dad, family heirlooms, Lifetime's most amusing cops, and ridiculous accents, have I MENTIONED THE ACCENTS?
Please enjoy this "lost" episode and like us on Facebook/Itunes/whatever.
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Alright it's been a great long while since Rocky and Jordan got together to discuss a good old-fashioned trashy Lifetime movie, so why not go with an absolute classic? It's the 1996 Hall of Fame movie, Lying Eyes starring Cassidy Rae, who you might remember from Model's Inc (but probably not) and Vincent Irizarry who you might know from...haunting your nightmares we guess? Believe it or not but this was actually the very first episode we ever recorded, lost to the sands of time due to some recording issues, so we decided it was time to redo it because why the hell not? We talk about all the important topics: eating at truckstops on field trips, stalkers, oversharing jewelry store clerks, and a giant lack of consequences for literally everyone. Enjoy!
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Buckle up everyone, it's the 1997 Lifetime movie, "My Stepson, My Lover." We've seen our fair share of movies that make no sense but this one might top the list. Rocky and Jordan are joined by friend of the podcast, Maureen, to discuss this trainwreck of a movie.
We talk about all the important topics: custom prison uniforms, Napoleonic weaponry, odd cabin construction, and much much more. This movie is apparently nothing like Rocky and Maureen remember and is somehow far less steamy and far more stupid.
Grab all your power tools and enjoy the episode!
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Welcome back to Time of My Lifetime. On this episode we watch and discuss the 1996 Lifetime, "Justice for Annie," starring Danica McKellar (not Phoebe Cates) and Peggy Lipton.
We touch on all the important topics like the United States naval presence on Lake Eerie, terrible kitchen skills, and the GOAT Lifetime movie detective, Detective McAdams who is from Brooklyn and definitely IS NOT drunk. At least not this early in the morning.
We don't want to bum you out but the real story this was based on is pretty weird and a major bummer but hey, we're not here to talk about that (at least not too much).
Support the show by visiting our Facebook page (yes, that's the extent of our social media) and leaving a comment or review.
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Oh boy we've been getting a bit delayed in getting these episodes pubished so we dont even know how long ago this was recorded but rest assured, we're still in (and probably will always be in) the middle of a global pandemic and probably going to start running out of Greek letters soon.
Anyway, it's the 1996 movie, "Maternal Instincts" starring and EXECUTIVE PRODUCED BY Delta Burke who is....realllly going for it in this one. Have you seen "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle?" Yes? Well then you've basically already seen a better (?) version of this (minus a hospital boiler room full of hilariously oversized wrenches).
We discuss all the important topics: curious science and medical ethics, the danger of banana peels, the most inappropriate doctor ever and slow motion car chases.
Hush little baby don't say a word, just enjoy the episode.
Catch us on Facebook and leave a comment, review or movie recommendation!
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It's still COVID times which means what better way to spend some time watching another Lifetime movie, this time with the 1996 thriller/mystery/art caper (?) An Unfinished Affair starring Jennie Garth and her real-life ex-husband (but pre-husband at the time) Peter Facinelli. This movie has everything - art cops, motocross, and even a weird subpot that involves INS.
Wow this movie is strange and near incomprehensible, but what else is new?
Enjoy the podcast and check us out on Facebook to leave a comment, review, or even suggest a movie for us!
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Welcome to another episode of Time of My Lifetime, it's part 2 of our unintentional Deadly Double Feature, this time it's the 1996 movie "Deadly Pursuits" starring one of our all-time favorites Tori Spelling, which may or may not still be available on Youtube after the original upload was suspiciously changed to private shortly after our viewing...
Anyway, it's a new genre here for us at TOML as we delve into the rarely found Lifetime "espionage thriller" or...whatever the hell this is supposed to be. We discuss all the important topics like saxophone dancing, flare guns, and the swampiness of Charleston, SC. But let's be real, we could spend at least two hours talking about the casting of Richard Belzer AKA Detective Munch as the head of...a Columbian drug cartel who may or may not be wearing brownface but is most certainly doing his best South American accent. It's glorious.
One of these days we'll post a compilation video on Facebook of Tori Spelling attempting to dance because this seems to be a recurring theme. Speaking of, find us there and leave a review, comment, or movie suggestion!
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Hey we're back with another "early" COVID19 episode recorded in the spring of 2020, the 1994 Lifetime movie, "Deadly Vows," starring Gerald McRaney AKA Major Dad/Mr. Delta Burke and Josie Bissett. It's part 1 of 2 of our completely unintentional Deadly Double Feature!
Jordan and Rocky discuss all the important topics like watermelon dresses, ninja assassins, double fingerings, and yet another industrial laundry that may or may not be inside of a prison. Listen as Josie Bissett goes from the queen of frump to homewrecking high school senior. Why is she into this FOURTY year old man exactl? FORTY? GROSS!
Once again, everyone in this movie has donkey brains.
Please check us out on Facebook to leave a review, comment, or movie suggestion.
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And we're back with another COVID19 episode, recorded back in the spring of 2020 when we thought that maybe this pandemic was actually going to end one day!
It's the 1996 Lifetime movie, "A Face to Die For," starring your favorite "Baywatch" brunette, Yasmine Bleeth. This movie is part Batman, part Count of Monte Cristo, part Pygmalion, and 100% absolutely bananas. A "horribly scarred" Yasmine Bleeth commits a crime (?), goes to jail, gets plastic surgery, and reinvents herself to become a world famous fashion designer all while planning her revenge on those her wronged her. We hope you like unanswered questions because this movie is full of them. And yeah, this episode is pushing two hours long because there is just so much to talk about including: prison laundries, plastic surgeries with "lasers," all that ANNOYING singing at the opera, and exactly how stupid is EVERYONE in this movie?
Please enjoy the episode and visit us on Facebook to leave a review, comment, or movie recommendation.
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Hey hey, thanks to COVID19 the whole crew is back together for the 1996 Lifetime movie, "Pretty Poison," starring Grant Show and Wendy Benson-Landes, who seems to think she's on an episode of the Brady Bunch and not this wildly strange and absurd movie.
We talk about all the important topics like super horny hotel owners, poison factories, interesting geography, and what we assume is the greatest character name in the history of Lifetime movies. Oh, and the Chief from "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego" shows up too.
By the way, as usual, this movie makes absolutely no sense.
Kick it Rockapella and enjoy the episode.
Check us out on Facebook and leave a review, comment, or movie suggestion!
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Well, over four years have passed since we recorded our last episode, but due to our general laziness in getting these episodes published to the internet you won't even know we missed a beat! And all it took was a worldwide pandemic to get us back together to restart your favorite Lifetime movie podcast.
Yes, we have moved on to the coronavirus portion of Time of My Lifetime and boy are you in for a treat with the 1996 Tiffani Amber Thiessen thriller (?) "Sweet Dreams," and wow is this movie filled with twists and turns. And twists. And turns. And a few more twists. And another turn or two. And a literal ring of fire.
We talk about all the important topics like the lack of stopping power of shotguns, fish poison induced amnesia, and the worst Airbnb of all time. Do you like the song, "Sweet Dreams?" We sure hope you do because this movie spent about half their budget for rights which they use again, and again, and again.
Visit us on Facebook and leave a comment, review, or even a movie suggestion.
Sweet dreams and enjoy the episode!
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The full crew is back together for the infamous 1996 Tori Spelling movie, "Co-Ed Call Girl." Watch as Tori Spelling finds her way into the mysterious and seductive world of sex work as she's out-acted by literally everyone around her (including the furniture). This movie has everything: ridiculously named bakeries, tons of strange writing and editing choices, and one of the best original songs we've heard in any Lifetime movie so far - there's just TOO MUCH SUNSHINE in California! And what is going on with this call girl agency, is Tori the ONLY person that works there?!
On a more serious note, this episode features a guest host in our very close friend, Russell Bryan. Russell would frequently watch these movies with us but usually wanted no part of our pretend podcast, despite the fact that he usually had just as many jokes and comments as the rest of us as you'll hear on this episode.
Russell was taken away from all of us far too soon in 2018 after a long fight against cancer. We hope that his voice on this episode of TOML brings a smile to the face of those who knew him as well as those who didn't.
So, this episode is dedicated to Russell's memory. We love you and we miss you buddy even if we disagree with you on Tori's Spelling's attractiveness in this movie.
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Are you ready to be Seduced...by Madness?? It's the 1996 Lifetime movie "Seduced by Madness" starring Ann Margaret and Peter Coyote. No, this is not a porno despite the names in the opening credits. Also, Toby Maguire shows up.
Rocky and Jordan discuss all the important topics like slow motion car crashes, high school flunkies, living on compounds in the woods, and the most horribly thought out murder for hire in Lifetime movie existence. Hot tip: if you're going to hire someone to kill your husband, maybe try not telling literally everyone you know about it. No really, EVERYONE YOU KNOW. And, once again, we are treated to one of the more ridiculous wigs you're ever going to see on television.
Give me back my peanut butter and enjoy the episode!
Come visit us on Facebook and leave a review, comment, or movie recommendation!
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And we are back with the 1992 Lifetime movie, "A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story," starring Meredith Baxter. This movie is CONFUSING! Exactly how was Betty Scorned? Either there is a lot happening off screen in this one that we're supposed to assume OR this movie just makes no sense. We're going with the latter.
The whole crew is here for this one although this movie was NOT Juliana's favorite. Listen as we discuss all the important topics like the popularity of Saint Patrick's Day in Scranton, bad parenting, and the frequency of the name "Linda" in these old lifetime movies.
Please contain your freakout and enjoy the episode!
And please find us on Facebook and leave a review, comment or even a movie recommendation.
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Are you ready to horse around with Tiffani Amber Thiessen and bad New England accents? We sure are! It's another Juliana-less episode so you are stuck with your boys Rocky and Jordan as we discuss the 1996 Lifetime Movie, "Buried Secrets."
We delve into our first supernatural movie and discuss all the important topics like the real estate market in Maine, our favorite non-human character ever, bad policies at mental institutions, and one very odd frenemy relationship with a ghost. Can someone please explain to us when Tiffani Amber Thiessen is possessed or when she's just being a total weirdo?
Oh, don't go looking for buried secrets over there, just enjoy the episode!
Visit us on Facebook and leave a review, comment, or even a movie suggestion!
(Intro Music: “Buried Secrets" - Shady Banks)
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