Episodes
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We're Back! A Dinosaur Story
And these two dinosaurs, Brock and Brian, catch up and talk about the usual topics: eating, pooing, and animal moi-duh.
Then we review Butcher's Crossing, a thriller(?) set in oldey times. Bald Nic!
Get into it. -
It's been a long time coming. And a quick time leaving...our memory banks.
Brock and Brian have waited ages and ages for The Retirement Plan to be released. Did it live up to expectations?
Speaking of "live," the boys did a little sneaky and decided to record an episode live, together, and in person during their latest bromantic getaway.
They catch up on running, and not running. And then they draft their own Retirement Plans, if you will. And they will.
Let's get into it! -
Episodes manquant?
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I bet you thought 100 Episodes was enough, didn't ya? Didn't ya? Did you not?!?
Welp, Nic keeps making 'em, so we'll keep gauging 'em.
Brock and Brian catch each other up with their movements over the past few months, bowel and otherwise.
They pay homage to the in-movie diner with a food draft.
And then they talk about this friggin' movie, the cat-and-mouse, two-hander, bottle film that was 2023's Sympathy for the Devil.
Now pick a card, and don't interrupt us. It's vewy wude.
Stay tuned for future regular episodes as we plan to watch and gauge the Shrekiverse while waiting for Nic's next batch of films. -
You asked for it*! A fantastical event a century (worth of episodes) in the making.
*You likely didn't.
For the 100th episode, the boys reminisce, they look ahead, and they break down the 2023 horror-action-comedy Renfield. Along the way, they craft the perfect Nic-enstein's Monster's Monster. They answer the important questions: Did it suck? Did Nic get better at playing a vampire this time around? Would Dracula win in a fight against Peter Loew (Vampire's Kiss. I'll feed ya, baby birds.)?
All of these questions are answered and then some.
Thank you, loyal listeners. We couldn't have done this without you*!
*We probably would have still done this, without you... -
New Episode. Old Way?!?
It's been a while. A long long while. But the blame must be placed solely on Nic Cage and his various production companies (we're looking at you, Saban...) for the lack of content by which to gauge Nic.
Anywho, Brock and Brian dusted off their dusters, grew out their disgusting mustaches, and holstered their six shooters to discuss Nic's foray into Western fare.
How did they fare? Tune in and find out as the boys catch up, discuss a new addition to the Ambrosii menagerie, and draft everybody's most-debated topic: Vegetables.
Potayto. Potahto. Let's call the whole thing off! -
You asked (?) for it, you got it! Brock and Brian knocked the dust off of their microphones and recorded an episode by the people, for the people.
While waiting for Nic's projects to get edited, the boys dug back into a 1992 Saturday Night Live episode that Nic hosted.
Before that, they discuss their boys' night out, and draft Favorite Fruits!
What a treat! -
Look, folks. If it's good enough for Nick Cage's and Javi's Top 3, it has to be good enough for this podcast to watch whilst waiting for the next Nicolas Cage movie, right? Right?!?!?
Live and in person and alive and too personal, Brock joins Brian for a recap of the week that was, and the movie that was-n't....that....great. That film was 2017's Paddington 2. The boys answer the tough questions:
-Did they need to watch the first movie?
-Did they fall in love with this CGI bear?
-Does this film make them want to be better men?
-Was this seriously Hugh Grant's favorite movie to film?
-Did this movie need more Nic Cage?
Listen, up, you silly little bears. This is We Gauge Cage's Movie Tastes! -
Looks like we made it. Look how far we've come, my babies.
That's right. You didn't really think we could quit the podcast without holding out for the Nic Cage film in which Nicolas Cage plays Nick Cage in a film about Nicolas Cage, did you?!?
On this episode, Brian and Brock discuss their opening-weekend, theatre-going experience to watch the meta movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
Before that, the lads recap their Easter weekends, and they provide their lists of the Five Essential Nic Cage Movies to Watch Before Seeing The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.
It's no masterpiece on par with Paddington 2....but it'll get you where you're going, and meet you where you're at.
Bon voyage! -
Howdy ho, neighborinos.
'Tis been quite the little while. But when your podcast is built upon a single actor's resume, and the well runneth dry between releases, then you have some gaps.
Brock and Brian catch up: on Disneyworld, on DeezNutsWorld, on their families and their neighbors and all sorts of fun stuff. They have a draft of the Best Fictional Mommies.
And then they rewatched 2017's "Mom and Dad," the manic horror/comedy from the guy behind "Crank" and "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance." The boys pick sides as to who came out on top: Team Mom or Team Dad. Last time Brock and Brian (and their wives) watched this movie, there were no children to speak of. Will they identify more with the patricidal urges, or the Blue Bonnet waistline, this time around?
It's a fun one. And admit it - you missed us! -
The boys are back at it.
Did you think that last episode had too much ball talk? Did you really expect that to change? If so, then you haven't been paying attention to this podcast.
On this episode, the boys talk more balls. Big and beautiful. They talk high fashion.
Then, they draft Vacation Spots (with quite possibly one of the worst picks in any draft they're ever done).
After all the banter, things get rocky and heated as they dust off Brian's Top 6 (!) Nic Cage movie - World Trade Center - and we get to see if Brian can change Brock's mind in convincing him that this is a high-quality film, and not just a corny, heavy-handed mess.
Let the games begin! -
How can they keep getting away with this?
Brock and Brian hop on the microphone to settle old scores (not THAT "Score to Settle").
They recap the weekend that followed the last episode. Virtual Golf. Hottest Wings. Axe Throwing. Shenanigans!
Then the boys get wicked and cast aspersions with their "Movie Roles to Replace with Nic Cage" Draft. It gets...interesting.
To finish it off, the hosts waste time whilst waiting for The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, and they take a look back at some of Nic's older films about which they were at the most odds. This week is Honeymoon in Vegas (1992), a rom-com that Brock enjoyed and Brian despised. Will either one budge after a rewatch? Tune in to find out! -
What the heck are Nic's Bits, you ask?
Well, Brock and Brian have run out of the important movies starring Nicolas Cage, so they take a trip down memory lane, back to where his career started.
Brian cultivated each and every small appearance of Nic's over the many, many, many....many years. We watched each and every appearance. We gauged him.
Before all of that, the boys wax poetic whilst staring into each other's eyes and holding hands, they talk friendship, and they rank the 12 films/projects that they have watched since they prematurely ended the podcast's initial run.
Enjoyeeeeeeeeeee! -
Ho Ho Ho-ly Pig, it's "Pig" Week!
That's right, you unruly swine.
Brock and Brian watched Pig. Finally. Nic Cage's highest-rated film to date. It stood atop the Rotten Tomato charts at 100% for many, many weeks. All roads lead to Pig, ladies and gentlepigs. All roads lead to Pig.
Before that, the boys talk Christmas and Barf (naturally). Then they kneel and pay their respects to Robin Feld's name by hosting an epicurious and delectable draft of....Meats. -
Happy Birthday to the Ground! (and to Brock)
And what better way to celebrate his birthday than to gift the world with his innermost thoughts? Thoughts like, "Huh?" or "Why?" or "What the Ungodly F***?!?" - which happened while watching this latest travesty of a film.
Before we get into this...post-apocalyptic, Western, Kabuki, horror, steampunk, action disaster called "Prisoners of the Ghostland," the boys talk postpartum, they trade hot tips on Christmas Decor, and they draft their ultimate Torture Playlists.
Enjoy! -
Wowzers in the trousers, if you know what I mean.
Brock and Brian went a little long. Went a LIT-TLE long on this one.
They talk Tay Tay, we spill ALL the neighborhood tea...but most importantly, we talk at lengths about Brock's new haircut....and then Brian gives a little/tiny/blink-and-you'll-miss-it blurb of breaking news whatever let's move on! We have a real crotchety, grumpy-gills Draft!
Brock and Brian watched Willy's Wonderland this week. It had potential! It fit the description of "Man vs. Machine." It....didn't have much else going for it.
Enjoy! -
It's not a trick, ladies and gentlemen. Treat yourselves to a shallow dive into the wild world of Nic Cage's hosting work.
In the bowels of 2021, Netflix released a 6-episode docuseries about....you guessed it...the History of Swear Words, hosted by Nicolas Cage.
Brian and Brock chose to watch 3 episodes, focused on F**K, SH*T, and P*SSY. Clearly, the classiest and cleanest episode of this entire podcast's history ensues.
Before that, they talk Halloweeeeeeeen!!!! Mostly.
Indulge! -
Finally. The Croods. We made it, ladies and gentlemen! We've reached the top.
This movie was sorely needed after last episode's sorry fiasco excuse for a film.
Brian and Brock grabbed their toddlers and watched The Croods: A New Age, the sequel we didn't even know we wanted.
Before that, the boys talk about *shocker* poop. They draft their favorite Non-Disney/Pixar Animated Movies. And they express their love for one another.
Enjoy! Or don't. I'm not your dad. -
This movie is that 2020 was...An under-produced, lassez-faire, "Who gives a care," cluster**** of a film.
Make no mistake: This is not the least favorite Nic Cage film that the boys have ever watched. But this is the WORST film that the boys have ever watched.
Before jumping into this floppy, flaccid martial art film, Brock and Brian talk Pumpkin Patchin' and Apple Pickin' (tis the season), and they even the playing field by drafting Attractive Celebrity Men over the Age of 51 that Can Still Get It!
Enjoy. -
It's a wild one.
Brock and Brian discuss the finer points of owning a newly built, fully-haunted house.
They zig where they should've zagged and introduce an impromptu draft topic, appreciating beauty in its...mature form.
And then the boys try to make heads or tails of this southern, periodic Confuser (as opposed to Thriller).
Enjoy. -
Oh, ladies and gentlemen. This ain't your daddy's color out of space...
That's right. The COoS is Loose!
Brian and Brock fell into the proverbial (literal?) well of body horror and Cthuluian mindfluffery that is the latest film adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's lovechild: The Color Out of Space.
Before that, they draft mash-ups. Food mash-ups. Food combinations. Combinations of food. (Or at least one of them does...)
Now feed the goddamn alpacas! - Montre plus
