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Rock bottom, a collapse into all-encompassing misery, is a hard place to be and something many of us have experienced. It can be a monumental task to pull yourself out of the hole, but the decline can be a spark to recreate a new, more self-authorized life.
This podcast continues Jordan’s story, introduced in the previous episode, as a person with a permanent physical disability who struggled with the desire for belonging in childhood, leading to addiction in early adulthood. In part two of this story, Jordan describes the process he pursued to get sober, build connections, and find positivity and meaning in his life. His approach centered on small, self-loving changes that conditioned him into the realization that change, of all kinds, are possible.
As we collectively build loving, sex-positive community, considering the perspectives of the 25% of the population with disabilities is a critical part of inclusion. But the lessons apply even for people who don’t have physical disabilities. Enormous value can come from the brave act of defining your own truth, believing that you are worthy of belonging however your body looks or works, is a critical part of experiencing personal power and happiness, even when it takes baby steps and gradual change.
@Vanessacliff2
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Feeling comfortable in your own body and experiencing a sense of connection and belonging to others is a nearly universal connection to happiness. For people with a visible physical disability, trauma, exclusion, and discrimination contributes to higher rates of mental health problems and substance use disorders.
When you have a visible physical disability, other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, can make you feel different, misunderstood or excluded.
In this podcast, Jordan talks about the relationship between his life as a person with a visible permanent physical disability and his experience of addiction. The difficulty caused by exclusions in school, and other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, led to him feeling different.
In high school, substance use gave Jordan access to what otherwise felt like unachievable inclusion. Increasing use of substances, in the hustle to experience belonging, led to a life-impairing addiction. Although Jordan has since overcome his addiction and now leads a life full of positivity and meaning, the addiction took a toll on his early adulthood.
Like many common human experiences, including sexual desire, masturbation, queerness and mental illness, addiction is often suffered in secret shame. Jordan’s story models incredible vulnerability,
@Vanessacliff2
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For LGBTQ people, the stressors of homophobia and transphobia, financial hardship caused by rejection from family or employers, trauma, shame and fear all contribute to high rates of depression and mental health crises. Inclusive mental healthcare can be a critical lifeline. Yet, many LGBTQ people report discrimination in accessing care, including denial of care, harsh language, or treating their sexual orientation or gender identity as the cause of their illness.
Based on her recent personal experience in a psychiatric hospital, Roxie, a trans woman, describes connections made among LGBTQ patients and the role these connections played in creating a healing environment. Especially in areas with less access to LGBTQ-affriming mental health care, Roxie’s experience demonstrates why it’s important for ally providers to allow LGBTQ patients to talk with each other, including about subjects that may be relevant to their sexuality or identity.
@Vanessacliff2
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Whether you do full-service, camming, online content or porn, as a sex worker, your attention is in high demand. As your own boss, you get to choose who deserves your attention. If used with self-love, this power to choose becomes one of the best tools for keeping yourself safe and preserving your Badass Whore Energy.
Rooted in Vanessa’s first-hand experience, this episode offers some perspectives on practical questions like:
How to approach sharing your contact information as a sex worker,How to preserve your emotional energy when arranging gigs,How to reduce the risk of harassment, wage theft or assault, Red flags to look out for when considering prospective clients, producers, or co-stars, andHow to take care of your physical and emotional safety when incidents occur.@Vanessacliff2
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In this light-hearted and educational episode, Foxie offers a window into the wide world of sex clubs. Her passion for play in club settings is infectious, and as a confident pansexual woman, she brings a breadth of experiences.
We cover questions like: What do you do at a sex club? How do you decide which one to choose? How do you get over nervous feelings and connect with new people? How do you keep yourself safe?
The episode also closes with some recommendations for sex club attendees and owners about creating more race, class and gender-inclusive spaces, so that everyone feels welcome and can have safe, ridiculous, sexy fun.
@Vanessacliff2
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We all have moments in life that throw off our self-esteem, where it feels impossible to believe we’re loveable, smart, good, desirable, worthy. Those moments of self-doubt don’t go away, but we can breathe through them, lean into them, and find ways to get free on the other side.
In this episode, Roxie talks about her experience of deciding to come out as a trans woman, in spite of her ex-wife’s opinions about it. In order to regain footing in her life, especially at a time when she wasn’t surrounded by queer community and had minimal support for her decision, Roxie had to embark on a journey of learning radical self-acceptance.
From this experience, Roxie offers approaches to loving yourself in any tough moment of your life, including better self-talk, giving yourself grave, and practicing the golden rule inverse, that is treating yourself as you treat others.
@Vanessacliff2
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From truck stops and city streets to hotels and OnlyFans, sex work takes many forms. Peeling back the stigma and silence around sex work, industry veterans Pixie Mae and Hannah, dish on some of their adventures. They share light-hearted stories, describe the value of sex work as a healing profession, and offer serious insights about finding and relating to clients, receiving payment, and staying safe.
Underestimated in public perception, sex work is a lot of hard work, including marketing, networking, communications, preparation, and appointments. It also comes with significant emotional labor and requires strong belief in yourself and your boundaries. Sex work isn’t for everyone, but for people who love sex, helping people connect with themselves, and being their own boss, it can be, as Hannah says, “a hoot”.
In an unregulated industry with essentially no legal recourse, the very best way to protect yourself as a sex worker is to find other sex workers and help each other. If that’s you, we invite you to reach out to Cliff Media, a community organizing-based porn company with a leadership team committed to supporting sex workers, in whatever form their work takes.
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Swinging, or what is often referred to as “the lifestyle”, is the cultural practice of having sex with multiple people even when in a committed relationship. A subset of ethical non-monogamy, swinging involves partners’ knowledge and consent, and can include sex clubs or parties, as well as hotwife, cuckold, and full-swap play.
Although this culture can be very sexually liberating, it also often reproduces many of the power dynamics present in dominant society. Many sex clubs are expensive and are disproportionately attended by white, middle-class couples. Cultural practices in swinging and the assumptions made about Black men can create unwelcoming dynamics.
In this episode, Jermaine Lavender, a pornstar and producer, as well as a long-time swinger, shares his experiences and perspectives as a Black man in the lifestyle.
Jermaine dive deep into racial dynamics that play out in the lifestyle. Popular tropes, like BBC and Queen of Spades, can perpetuate dehumanizing ideas about Black men. Other stereotypes pervasive in society at large, such as the dangerous or angry Black man, also influence swinger culture.
Concepts of “double consciousness” and “white fragility”, explored by racial theorists W.E.B. Du Bois and Robin DiAngelo, inform Jermaine’s message. He offer guidance to White people in ways to improve their practices, as well as offering to Black people surviving and thriving in the lifestyle.
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Sexuality is a basic human need, but in the dehumanizing environment of prison and jail, it is often prohibited, penalized or logistically impossible. After incarceration, a myriad of factors, including lack of experience, trauma from incarceration, and stigma associated with having been incarcerated can make it difficult for many formerly people to reconnect with their sexuality.
Although Joshua faced 4 years in prison, they are now a formerly incarcerated, openly genderqueer person, a community advocate for formerly incarcerated people, and a porn actor. In this episode, they describe their journey coping with the sexually repressed environment in prison and their journey figuring out how to be sexual after release.
During their period of incarceration, sex was never an option, access to flirting was almost never available, and procuring and using pornographic images became too much effort to bother. Eventually Joshua stopped masturbating and lost connection to their sexuality.
Nonetheless, during their period of incarceration, Joshua was able to work with Department of Corrections staff to develop a course on Gender and Sexuality taught to other people in the facility. The class was often academic in nature, but it still allowed people a space once a week to be a little more vulnerable and open about their desires and identity.
In prison, the only Joshua experienced touch was when faced with violence. They had to work through this trauma and their years of inexperience asking for dates and play partners, to find their way to trauma-sensitive and mutually consensual sex.
Driven by a racially discriminatory criminal justice system, 5% of the U.S. population has been incarcerated in their lifetimes and about 1 in 4 Black men have been incarcerated. This episode is a love note to these people and a window into the realities that people in prison face for anyone who knows, encounters, has sex with or loves a formerly incarcerated person.
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Becoming your authentic self, especially when your authentic desires conflict with the values in your family of origin, can be an incredibly difficult process. Today, Lupin identifies as a queer man, exploring polyamory and porn work. This wasn’t always this way and we talk with him as a beautiful moment of transition in his life, as he continues figuring out his new relationship to these identities and communities.
Growing up in a conservative environment in Virginia, Lupin didn’t have many connections to queer or non-monogamous people. He faced racial discrimination as a Black man and bullying from other kids, the combination of which made it even harder to come out.
After moving across the country to a more progressive environment, Lupin began to find queer, non-monogamous and more sexually open-minded communities. Nonetheless, the values of his family and community of origin continued to influence his way of being in these spaces. For example, the first time he filmed group porn scenes with Cliff Media, he was uniquely thoughtful about respect for performers’ enthusiastic consent, a value and habit he attributes to his mother.
What Lupin refers to as “unburying yourself” to find the life that makes you feel most free and authentic can be a challenging, multi-layered journey, especially when different perspectives and identities in life complicate the process. But to this point, Lupin describes his new life as “the happiest he’s ever been” and invites you into the shared experience of discovering the freedom to be yourself.
@Vanessacliff2
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Kink or BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism) is not just leather and dark dungeons. It’s also a way of relating to sexuality and other people, an opportunity to play with power, consensual pain, energy and roles. In this episode, Hannah shares the way kinks can not only heal specific traumas and fears, but also transform how you think about yourself and what is possible in your life.
As you push your boundaries in kink, allowing yourself to open up to new experiences, release societal expectations, and practice expressing your desires and boundaries, you gain a sense of personal power. As Hannah describes, feeling empowered becomes addicting. Once realizing that you can own your desires and boundaries in kink, you discover the ability to do so in other aspects of your non-sexual life, in your personal relationships, work environment, and way you walk in the world.
Hannah invites listeners into their personal journey of self-discovery through kink, outlines ways people can explore kink themselves, and become a bigger, stronger version of themselves.
@Vanessacliff2
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If you Google “sex during pregnancy”, you’ll get a lot of results about whether sex is OKAY, and the general consensus is you and your partner can go for it. Fewer articles explore the experience of having multiple partners during sex and loving it.
Vanessa and Anna, two pornstars and slutty people in their personal lives, share this lived experience. They each discuss different insecurities they faced related to slutting before, during and after pregnancy, including uncertainty about finding a supportive partner, changes in the body shape and appearance, and expectations around appropriate behavior during pregnancy.
It turns out, in their experience, pregnancy presents an awesome opportunity for sexuality. With romantic partners, it can be a uniquely intimate experience. When pursuing anonymous or one-off hookups, pregnancy can be a desirable kink. And the horniness of a pregnant person creates unique opportunities for exploring new experiences, including those that previously may have felt off-limits due to inhibitions.
With care to your sexual and emotional health, slutting while pregnant is not only possible, it can be arousing and fun for all parties involved.
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We love you! But if you're in one of the states that has passed age-verification laws, Cliff Media, our women and queer-led porn production company, can't share our content with you anymore :(
Usually, we love sharing sexy, silly videos that make viewers smile, feel loved, welcome, and seen. Unfortunately, today we have to share some tough news, and ask for your help.
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If you’ve ever fantasized about being at the center of a gangbang, you’re certainly not alone! A study released by PornHub found that “gangbang” was the 7th most popular search term for women. Turns out a lot of us want to get fucked by a horny crowd.
Roxie Valentine, a leader with Cliff Media, a women and queer-led porn production company, dishes on her recent experience starring in two gangbang scenes. She explains how she prepared physically and emotionally in the days leading up to the event, including how she got over feeling nervous. She also describes conversations about enthusiastic consent with participants in advance of the scenes that helped put her at ease and create a safer environment.
The gangbang scenes for Roxie were filled with sexual firsts, hot interactions, and some funny and awkward moments. Although being a trans woman is only a small part of her identity, it was one of the factors on her mind going into the event. Ultimately, Roxie’s comments before the scene and the culture of people in the group contributed to what she describes as a very positive experience.
Roxie concludes with some recommendations for ensuring that, regardless of your gender identity, your first gangbang is a safe and rockin’ good time.
@Vanessacliff2
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In this light-hearted episode, two long-term slutty queerdos - GeeGee and Vanessa - respond to listener questions about sex, kink, dating, relationships, gender identity, and desire.
GeeGee and Vanessa are both involved in kink and swinger communities, star in and direct porn, and have had partners of all genders. Yet, their answers to many of the questions end up being very different, a reminder that there is no one correct approach to sexuality but a whole world of options to explore.
Questions include:
“I haven’t been wanting sex lately because I’ve gained a lot of weight and I feel bad about my body. It’s hard to get it on while I’m feeling gross about myself. What can I do?”
“My partner and I are starting to explore non-monogamy. They want to do a full-swap but I’m nervous that seeing them have sex with someone else will make me jealous. How do I move past this?”
“I want to have sex with a friend who is trans but I’ve never done this. What do I call their body parts?”
“I can’t take anything bigger than a pinky finger in my ass. I’m a bi guy and I want to feel guys fuck me in the ass, but it’s still really painful for me. How do I get better at taking it?”
“My partner watches a lot of porn without me. Does this mean I’m not satisfying him? Is watching porn going to make him stop wanting me? Should I be worried?”
“I have a crush on this girl but I don’t know how to ask her out. How do I make a move?”
@Vanessacliff2
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Have you ever struggled to get or stay hard during sex? Loved or dated with someone whose dick stays soft? Been in a swinger situation where people with dicks in the room are embarrassed when they don’t get it up?
Both cocks that sometimes stay soft depending on the situation (e.g. with a new partner or during group sex) and cocks that are chronically soft (what doctors sometimes call “erectile dysfunction”) can be a source of embarrassment and frustration for dick owners. Steph, who has experienced life with a soft cock for many years now, describes their process of unlearning these negative emotions and reconnecting with their body.
From feeling so embarrassed that Steph avoided sex in their marriage to enjoying a career as a sex worker, NSFW content creator and porn performer, Steph has traveled a long road to experience confidence and pleasure in their sexuality. They are now active with an organization called Soft Cock Week that offers support for people with soft cocks and advocates to undo the stigma and embarrassment.
We close with some sex advice around how to have amazing sex without ever getting it up.
@Vanessacliff2
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The average age of attendance at group sex events is typically higher than the average in the general public. It takes some bravery and self-confidence to step so far outside social norms and share sexuality in front of other people. Even for older adults, group sex can be intimidating at first. David shares how he grew after his first experience with a gangbang and learned to feel comfortable and confident in group sex today.
David walks listeners through some of the basics, including how to find gangbang and orgy events and what to expect when you go. He also describes how he navigates the events as a young single guy and how he practices enthusiastic consent. Although David imagines potentially mixed responses if he told family and friends about his sexual adventures, he has found group sex to be a fun and life-affirming experience and encourages people who want to explore to give themselves permission to be happy.
David closes with advice for other young single men about how to move past the nervous awkwardness and pursue group sex in a way that is positive, consensual and fun for themselves and other group participants.
@Vanessacliff2
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“Complex personhood”, a concept from sociologist Avery Gordon, refers to the truth that we are all full of contradictions, neither victim nor perpetrator, neither fully wounded nor fully healed, always somewhere in between and both, stumbling as we search for ways to survive and thrive.
Sexuality is a huge part of our complex personhood. It can be a source of spiritual pain, destroying our sense of self and disconnecting us from others. And, the exact same sex acts, when given different meaning, can bring joy, passion, self-confidence, and deep connection.
In this episode, GeeGee shares their experience with sexual assault and its aftermath. In the months following the assault, GeeGee became hyper-sexual. This had a rough impact on their self-esteem and social life, including leading to a non-consensual encounter that left them struggling with long-term guilt.
Eventually, GeeGee embarked on an intentional journey of personal healing, finding it in their heart to forgive both the person who assaulted them and themself. They learned that slutty sex itself was not the problem, but rather how they pursued sex and what it had meant in their lives. Today, GeeGee continues to have sex with lots of people, but through social connections and strong personal boundaries that are life-giving and positive.
This episode steps away from the often over-simplified narrative of sexual assault. GeeGee’s story offers survivors a reminder that everyone processes and responds to trauma differently, including the nonlinear path of reclaiming a sense of autonomy and personal power.
@Vanessacliff2
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Porn and full-service sex work are often described as demeaning professions, something a person would do only out of financial desperation, trauma, addiction or coercion. Pixie Mae presents a more nuanced perspective.
Many sex workers have spoken out against policies meant to “rescue” them from their chosen profession. Indeed, “the right to not be rescued” is one of the 6 rights identified by Sangram, a global sex worker organization.
Through her years as a sex worker, Pixie has found personal power in the work, using her body and sexual creativity as a source of financial independence, Like 1 in 3 women, Pixie has survived sexual trauma; her sex work has helped her heal and reclaim her sexual agency. She also sees her clients experience healing and emotional growth through her work.
In a society that tells us that our work is reproachable, Pixie offers affirmation and recommendations for sex workers looking to reclaim their personal power.
@Vanessacliff2
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In mainstream media, autism is often depicted as a deterrent to successful romantic or sexual relationships. Steph presents an alternate perspective: autism is a different way of thinking and being that can be harnessed as interpersonal superpowers. For example, autistic people are often highly empathetic, have a strong moral compass and are more comfortable with direct communication. Autism can also be associated with different sensory and sexual desires. Embracing, rather than trying to “fix” these differences allows for a world of exciting freedom and possibility.
Both academic research and Steph’s personal and community experience suggest that forms of non-traditional sexuality, including kink, polyamory and queerness, are more prevalent among autistic people than the general public. Steph describes how BDSM kink allowed them to reconnect with their sexuality as they discovered the importance of novelty and sensation for the way they think and experience the world.
Comfort with thinking outside social norms and communicating their feelings directly with others now helps Steph sustain successful polyamorous relationships. Their partner joins us off-camera to discuss ways they interact with Steph’s neurodivergent thinking and communication styles.
This episode offers autistic people and their loved ones support and ideas in their journey of self-exploration and authentic sexual and romantic connections.
@Vanessacliff2
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