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In this wet and wild Turkish holiday edition of Talking Istanbullocks, Jorma Kirkko brings you celebrity banter, sharp-witted sketches, and some jaws-dropping shark facts. With guest appearances by Liam Neeson and Morgan Freedman.
Highlights:
Liam Neeson Returns: The iconic actor and raconteur chats about his latest project—a land shark horror film, "Jowls." Is it the next "Jaws" or something truly revolutionary? Liam shares his passion for this "completely original" concept, despite some uncanny similarities to a certain Spielberg classic.Ray Mac’s Trampoline Troubles: After some concerning behaviour involving a trampoline and a large breasted neighbour, Ray checks into the Dr. Brutus Himmler Institute of Psychiatology. We delve into the hilarious (and slightly disturbing) contents of his recent phone records.Oasis Reunion: With Oasis reuniting, Morgan Freedman reminisces about the wild days of the '90s with a cheeky poem, "Definitely Maybe," recounting backstage antics with the Gallagher brothers and Robbie Williams.Shark Facts & Puns Galore: From the terrifying speed of the shortfin mako to the bizarre reproductive habits of sharks, we dive into the deep with some fin-tastic facts..Support Independent Artists: Jorma gets real about the challenges of competing with corporate giants in the podcasting world. Hear why your support means everything to independent creators.Special Mentions: Big shoutout to Shark Magazine, Dr. Brutus Himmler, and our loyal listeners. Plus, find out how you can catch Jorma’s latest film, "Dangerous Stranger," on Drama Pops on iPhones.Don’t miss this episode packed with humour, nostalgia, and some seriously outlandish movie pitches. And remember, keep sharing the show on social media to help us keep the laughs coming!
Hashtags/Keywords: #Britishcomedy IrishComedy #TrampolinePrankCall #JawsRemake #OasisReunion #LiamNeeson #PodcastHumour #IndependentCreators #SharkFacts #SharkPuns #ComedySketches #SupportIndie #LiamNeesonInterview #MorganFreedmanPoem #FuckJoeRogan #FuckTheBBC
TRANSCRIPT
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gplUY1hSYzBi8IZNABZ_ciZ6nxWMAf7qPoxnUZbzAD0/edit?usp=sharing
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In this laugh-packed episode of Talking Istanbullocks, the boys talk Istanbul cosmetic surgery and the dulcet tones of Morgan Freedman as he recites a poem on the curious trend of 'brieing'—yes, you heard that right, cheese takes centre stage in this ECSTATIC verse.
Ray Mac brings True or False segment, where Willem Dafoe's willy plays a prominent part. The episode only gets funnier with a side-splitting sketch featuring Kaiden Stokes, who gets more than he bargained for when he invites a Native American guest to his Thanksgiving dinner. Expect awkward cultural misunderstandings, plenty of laughs, and a not-so-traditional holiday meal that takes an unexpected turn!
Don't miss out on Honzie's Horoscopes and Psychic Predictions for August—where the future seems oddly familiar, and the stars have a wicked sense of humour.
Tune in for a rollercoaster of comedy that covers everything from cheese rituals to offbeat astrology!
#Britishcomedy #Irishcomedy #Brieing #MDMAinincheese #WillemDafoePenisSize #KaidenStokesWokeBloke #ComedySketch #IsThanksgivingRacist #SpoofHoroscopes #PsychicPredictions
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In the latest entertaining episode of the Talking Istanbullocks Comedy Pubcast, Jorma Kirkko, pub raconteur par excellence, takes the stage solo, sharing some of his most entertaining stories and tackling a wide array of questions from listeners.
School Days Shenanigans: Jorma takes a trip down memory lane, recounting giving his maths teacher a nervous breakdown as a not so innocent 12 year old.Revenge: How did a loose pair of ladders in Fife lead to a chain of events that culminated in German-sourced gay pornography?Is Turkey or Malaysia more insane to live n? Jorma reveals where he would most love to settle down and why.Fim Release Update.How Well Does He Know Morgan Freeman?Is The Show As Funny As It Used To Be? With a laugh, Jorma tackles the question of whether the creative well is running dry.Should Ray Seduce His Wife in a Mankini? In one of the more bizarre queries, Jorma advises Ray on whether this questionable fashion choice could spice things up at home.Should Talking Istanbullocks Focus More on People in the Pub?** Jorma considers whether the podcast should put more emphasis on its roots in the James Joyce Irish Pub.https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AAdIgn2TbxGSyQgAH4btOs9puTHuRhNwBQb04Aqzbso/edit?usp=sharing
#ComedyPodcast #BritishHumour #ListenerQandA #JormaKirkko #SchoolPranks #CarAccidentRevenge #MorganFreeman #BestPubStories #PodcastHumour #RevengePorn
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome back to another sizzling edition of *Talking Istanbullocks*! Ray and Jorma cool each other down in the sweltering Turkish heat as they give you the funniest 45 minutes of your week.
1. Introduction & Banter
Jorma Kirkko and Ray Mac kick off the show with their usual banter, chatting about the week that was, including Jorma's recent adventures in the film world. Between celebrity parties and the fun of the film set, while Ray still eagerly awaits his big break in 'scud flicks'
2. Morgan Freedman's Comedy Poem: Raw Dogging
Yes, you heard it right! Morgan Freeman is back with another hilarious poem, this time at the request of Erling Haaland. The topic? The latest airplane trend – Raw Dogging. It's as absurd as it sounds, and Morgan delivers with his signature style.
Written by Iggy Pop, David Bowie and Morgan Freedman
Produced by Jorma Kirkko
3. Discussion on Raw Dogging The lads dive deep into the strange world of Raw Dogging. What started as a questionable in-flight activity has now become the topic of a riotous debate. Is it about simplicity, or just madness?
4. True or False Quiz – Olympic Edition
Get ready for a special Olympics-themed quiz! Ray and Jorma test each other on some bizarre Olympic trivia, with plenty of laughs along the way. Who will come out on top this time?
5. Donald Trump Sketch: Desert Island Drama
In a side-splitting sketch, Donald Trump and his talking dog, Chris, are still stranded on a desert island. But this time, they're visited by the one and only Marjorie Taylor Swift (no, not the pop star). Big news is on the horizon, but will it be enough to get them off the island? And what has Donald been doing without real women to have sex with for the last year and a half?
Written and produced by Jorma Kirkko
Chris The Dog played by Jorma Kirkko
6. Post of the Week
We wrap things up with the Post of the Week, where Ray shares a joke about a duck walking into a pub. The punchline? You'll have to listen to find out!
🎙️ Call to Action: Don't forget to subscribe, share, and like the podcast on all platforms. Follow us on YouTube for more behind-the-scenes content, and don't be a silent stalker – join the conversation!
💬 Join the Fun: Want to suggest a topic for Morgan Freeman's next poem? Drop us a line, and you might hear your idea brought to life in a future episode.
🎧 New Podcast Alert: Be sure to check out *Are You Alright, Hun?*, a warm and heartfelt podcast by Jamie T. Murphy that tackles real-life stories of addiction and mental health. It's a serious, yet hopeful conversation that you won't want to miss.
#TalkingIstanbullocks #ComedyPodcast #MorganFreemanParody #RawDoggingTrend #OlympicsTrivia #DonaldTrumpParody #PodcastBanter #CelebritySketches #Britishcomedy #Irishcomedy #JoinTheLaughs #JamieTMurphy #MentalHealthStories #NewPodcastAlert #SubscribeAndLaugh #AreYouAlrightHun #Funny45Minutes #ScudFlicksDreams #DesertIslandDrama #ListenerInteraction #PodcastCommunity #NightClubbingParody #IggyPopCover
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZF_07xT2Og3T-d-TpYtdTbRAq2Myx3Qf2GP6uSISGLU/edit?usp=sharing
Tune in for laughs, absurdity, and maybe even a bit of wisdom (well, maybe)!
Presented by Ray Mac and Jorma Kirkko
Produced by Jorma Kirkko
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Segments:
Chinese Year of the Istanbullocks/ Introduction
Featured Publication: Frog Log magazine, the amphibian conservation community’s news source for all your trending amphibian news.What to expectMorgan Freedman Poem: The Rusty Sheriff's Badge
Morgan reads a poem about anuses, humorously titled "The Rusty Sheriff's Badge."True or False
A fun quiz and banter segment, featuring quirky questions about Madonna's family, black cats and smearing dog poo on Liam Gallagher's DoorComedy Sketch
Sexy celebrity chef Vagella Rickrocks oozes sex appeal and rhubarb compote but faces challenges from her naughty cat, Caroline.Criminal Minds - Psychiatology Quiz
Ray undergoes comedy criminal profiling, adding a humorous twist to the profiling process.Kiss and Tell
An amusing reader's letter about a dodgy date is shared and discussed.Post of the Week
A joke sent in by a listener is highlighted and celebrated.Description: "Join us for Episode 82 of Talking Istanbullocks! In this edition, Jorma Kirkko brings you a hilarious and diverse lineup of segments. We kick off with a rude poem by Morgan Freedman where he delights us with a humorously crafted poem, 'The Rusty Sheriff's Badge.'
Test your knowledge with our True or False quiz, and enjoy the chaos as celebrity chef Vagella Rickrocks attempts to maintain her sexy, calm veneer while dealing with her mischievous cat, Caroline. Ray undergoes comedy criminal profiling in our Criminal Minds segment, and we share a laugh over a reader's dodgy date story in Kiss and Tell. Finally, we wrap up with the Post of the Week, featuring a joke sent in by one of our listeners.
Brought to you by Frog Log magazine, your go-to source for all things amphibian. Despite Ray's absence, we promise you won't even notice he's not there! Tune in for laughs, banter, and a good time."
#BritishComedy #ComedyPodcast #MorganFreemanPoem #IrishComedy #TrueOrFalseQuiz #NigellaLawsonParody #CriminalMinds #KissAndTell #PostOfTheWeek #FrogLogMagazine
TRANSCRIPT
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GtdMMAqQJ-gEV8z0RHykguDZIzfUNkC1BQliIypUk-8/edit
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The boys are back in town!
1. Welcome and Introduction:
Hosts Jorma + Ray, are in their local juicer trying to bribe the staff with used underwear to play the All-Ireland final instead of the Olympics as they are reunited after a month. This week's guest publication is Health and Efficiency, the culture magazine for nudists.2. Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (Featuring Joe Biden)
Joe Biden's heartfelt rap about his resignation, why Kamala Harris would be a better president than Donald Trump and his love of slippers.3. Celebrity True or False Quiz: Kicking off with Sylvester Stallone the chat soon descends into Ray's love of Milk Maid Magazine and his ambitions to set up a softcore magazine called 'Swank'.
4. Honzie's Horoscopes
South Africa's premier bogus astrolomer delivers horoscopes for Canceleos (July birthdays) as he hasn't been given the budget to do Cancer and Leo separately.Eerily shocking and accurate psychic predictions for the month of July including school closures and why you should avoid Bangladesh this summer holiday5. Listener Engagement:
Encouragement for listeners to subscribe, follow, and share our YouTube channel6. Post of The Week
An intrigung crime story about a man who was sensationally banned from the countryside after being caught 'interfering' with tractors.Additional Notes:
Listeners are invited to contribute poems for Morgan Freedman to read.Encouragement to check out the podcast’s YouTube channel for sketches and more comedic content.This show uses AI voices#ComedyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #JoeBidenresigns #Banter #IstanbulComedy #Funny #TractorSex #HoroscopePredictions #HealthAnd Efficiency #SuffolkGazzette #HumorAndSatire #MustListenPodcast #ComedyVarietyShow
TRANSCRIPT: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TJ-w22vJ4gTWqM5Myi8gYbfMlRs2M4pK5pJbqN8FKKM/edit?usp=sharing
Social Media:
Subscribe on YouTubeFollow and interact on social media platforms for more updates and behind-the-scenes content.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This week the boys are proud to have a self-penned song by Gareth Southgate, join a serial killer for dinner - but Who's Doing The Dishes? Meanwhile, an Irishman who's had a vasectomy tries to get two lesbians pregnant for a whole year and the lads talk about the pain of losing a pet. Guest Sponsor: Furry Female Magazine.
Song: Dry Your Eyes Mate (Gareth Southgate) written and performed by The Streets and Jorma Kirkko
Sketch: Written by Jamie T. Murphy and Jorma Kirkko. Starring: Jamie T. Murphy, Jorma Kirkko, Joan O'Ruairc, Harold Shipman and Valerie Richards
This podcast uses AI and may depict certain events that are purely fictitious.
#britishcomedy #irishcomedy #comedypodcast #garethsoutgatesong #mikeskinner #who'sdoingthedishesparody #haroldshipmansketch
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In this sunny summer special, Jorma and Jamie T. Murphy try (more or less successfully) to avoid politics and sport, while Ray, takes a well-earned break. The lads discuss why nobody should be exempt from having the piss taken out of them and probably too much information about removing ball hair from Jamie's mansion and a Venetian Harbour in Crete.
Highlights
Morgan Freeman Poem - Canadian WaxingKing Charles discusses hereditary illness with Meghan and Harry (sketch)Tribute to Ray Mac: song about 80's eroticaA Middle England woman gets arrested at a jam-making festival (sketch)Kiss and Tell - Ray and Jorma discuss a dodgy dogging date (reader's letter)Kaiden Stokes The Really Woke Bloke lectures a happy mother on how to bring up her child ethically (sketch)Listen to Jamie's Podcast on Mental Health: https://shows.acast.com/ya-alrite-hunAll sketches and songs/jingles written and produced by Jorma Kirkko.
Voices provided by Valerie Richards, Joan O'Ruairc, Duncan Chesley, Jorma Kirkko
Special thanks to Jamie T. Murphy, Ray Mac, Eamon McAndrew
#britishcomedy #irishcomedy #podcast #takingthepiss #JamieTMurphy #YaAlrightHunPodcast
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In today's show special guests, comedy-writer and musician Jamie T. Murphy and bookshop owner, Wally O'Neill talk about how they help people suffering from addictions, mental health and homelessness in their home-town of Wexford, while the politicians do nothing.
The pair are launching their own podcast next week, 'Ya alright Hun?' where people tell their real-life stories of mental illness and addiction in their families. Jamie and Wally are chalk and cheese but are both heroes in their community and riveting and hilarious guests.
This week's sketch is Gareth Southgate and Rishi Sunak performing Lose Yourself by Eminem.
#britishcomedy #irishhumour #redbookswexford #jamietmurphy #wallyoneill #mentalhealthcharity #southgateout #sunakout #comedysong #Eminemripoff
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1. Welcome and Introduction:
Hosts Jorma + Ray, dressed in their summer finest, kick off the episode from their favourite local pub. Jorma is sporting a string vest reminiscent of Onslow from "Keeping Up Appearances," while Ray flaunts an off-the-shoulder Prada number as they sip Pimms + Lemonade + Roofies and Baileys.2. Chickpeas and Rat Boys
Chickpea Magazine - your go-to source for all things hummus and falafel related. ‘Fuller Than a Bowl At A Bulimics All You Can Eat Buffet’Introduction to the trending term "Ratboy Summer," the latest viral fashion trend on TikTok.3. Morgan Freedman's Poem - "Ratboy Summer":
Morgan Freedman humorously navigates the absurdity of TikTok, particularly focusing on the emergence of "Ratboy" chic.The poem delves into the shift from traditional handsome guys like Gary Cooper to the new trend of ratboys, providing a satirical commentary on societal trends, ending with a humorous plea for compassion and common sense in romantic pursuits.4. Ratboy discussion – a Welsh BAFTA nomination for Morgan Freeman?
Ray nominates Morgan for a Welsh BAFTA.Poetry requests from listeners to [email protected]5. Listener Engagement:
Encouragement for listeners to subscribe, follow, and share the podcast on various platforms.Special mention of the rising listener base in Malaysia.6. True or False Quiz: The Reproductive Lives Of Bees and David Beckham
Fun and quirky segment packed with fun facts and banter.7. Community Spotlight – ‘Are You Alright Hon?’
Red Books in Wexford, Ireland, run by Wally O'Neill. is more than a bookshop; it’s a community hub offering workshops, writing courses, live music, and also support homeless and mental health initiatives.Upcoming podcast "Are You Alright Hon?" presented by Wally and regular contributor to Talking Istanbullocks, Jamie T. Murphy, focusing on personal stories about addiction, homelessness, and mental health.8. Bogus Horoscope and Psychic Predictions for the month of June with Honzie Curley:
Honzie returns with his monthly horoscopes and suspiciously accurate psychic predictions for June.9. Post of the Week:
A humorous joke about a duck, self-identifying as a plasterer.10. Final Thoughts and Outro:
Ray and Jorma wrap up the episode with light-hearted banter and reminders for listener interaction and engagement.Additional Notes:
Listeners are invited to contribute poems for Morgan Freedman to read.Encouragement to check out the podcast’s YouTube channel for sketches and more comedic content.This show uses AI voices#ComedyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #RatboySummer #Banter #IstanbulComedy #Funny#WexfordBooks #HoroscopePredictions #ViralTrends #TikTokFashion #HumorAndSatire #MustListenPodcast #ComedyVarietyShow
TRANSCRIPT: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Anka0iEBcAqPg8zW5MJvRX_C5aTQnNallLx_tlcbR7w/edit
Social Media:
Subscribe on YouTubeFollow and interact on social media platforms for more updates and behind-the-scenes content.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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"Funnier than Jonathan Ross" - Graham Norton.
The belly laughs are back in this summer variety show as Ray and Jorma drink gin with various vegetable surprises in conjunction with Pakistan Textile Journal
Chinese Year of the Talking Istanbullocks: Introduction and Ray gets a sensual foot massage from an Aussie farmer called BruceIs The New American Dream: A poem by Morgan Freeman. Morgan talks about how hopeless the two geriatric presidential candidates, Biden and Trump are and drops a revealing hint about Clint Eastwood's recent embarrassing hospital visit.Aging Presidents discussion: Sharks, Electric boats and Morgan Freeman's age.Plugging the YouTube channel: Talking Istanbullocks Comedy. Being accused of being an NPC by a little bollix and not understanding internet slang.True or False: Test your knowledge of boybands and rhyming slang for haemorrhoids (piles).Mock The Woke (COMEDY SKETCH) Kaiden Stokes, the overly woke bloke, tries to order a pint of ''Guinness Beer'' from Greg, the slightly autistic bartender, who mistakes him for a Trip Advisor inspector. Greg tries to be ''accommodating and friendly'' and Kaiden ends up in a spot of bother with the police after he flashes some dollars around in a red light district.Blackmilkshake Post of the Week: Which human organ becomes ten times bigger when it's stimulated? Preview and Shout OutsTRANSCRIPT: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ROCe-4pODCDpFoGLVz4J6cGPagEEYMLNv-pnKKmzpOs/edit?usp=sharing
Join us for another riotous episode filled with satire, slapstick, and clever comedy. If you enjoy the show, don’t forget to share it with your friends and leave us a rating!
#ComedyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #GinAndTonicCucumber #hilariouspodcast #youngatheart #MockTheWoke #BidenOrTrump #MorganFreemanPoetry #PodcastHumour #TalkingIstanbullocksYouTubeChannel #TimHallam #PakistanTextileJournal #hilariouspodcast #funnierthanjonathanross
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In this steamy and sultry episode from a tropical Istanbul, Jorma and Ray bring you a blend of belly laughs and unexpected twists in a show brought to you in conjunction with American Bitch magazine
Chinese Year of the Talking Istanbullocks: Introduction and Ray explains how he allegedly got a hole in his jorts.Ink On Ugly: A poem by Morgan Freeman. Morgan talks yachts, emergency workers and questions the wisdom of body art with his signature wit.Tattoo discussion: Jorma makes a bold comment on Shakira and Chardonnay's parentsPlugging the YouTube channel: Talking Istanbullocks ComedyTrue or False: Test your knowledge on Jerry Hall, Geri Halliwell, Mick Jagger and Bryan Ferry and a nice story about Balinese hospitality and were the Rolling Stones paedophiles?Nigel Farage General Erection: A sketch where Nigel goes on the campaign trail in Lickey End and misunderstands a middle-aged woman's ''invitation to Lickey End'' as he causes.Blackmilkshake Post of the Week: The boys read the funniest and most outrageous listener submissions, including a humorous story involving a priest and some unexpected reactions during a church massSpecial Thanks: Shout-outs to our loyal listeners and an awkward thanks to the fantastic Joan O'RuaircTRANSCRIPT: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OdlELg1u5rknzfvgaPhM5gcjTdGmEGBn9OkmCagkTuA/edit
Join us for another uproarious episode filled with satire, slapstick, and clever comedy. If you enjoy the show, don’t forget to share it with your friends and leave us a rating!
#ComedyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #TattooFails #hilariouspodcast #youngatheart #NigelFarageMilkshake #NigelFarageSexScandal #MorganFreemanPoetry #PodcastHumour #TalkingIstanbullocksYouTubeChannel #JoanO'Ruairc #AmericanBitch #hilariouspodcast #youngatheart
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''The funniest podcast in heaven or on earth’’ – Pope Francis
Comedy variety and chat from a sunny Istanbul.
#ComedyPodcast #FunnyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #JormaKirklo #RayMac #MorganFreemanPoem HabsburgChins #JesusSketch #TrueOrFalseQuiz #BeingJohnMalkovich #JohnMalkovichSchoolBusDriver #SuperMacsVsMcDonalds #PodcastBanter #JobCentreSketch #MattSmithUgly #WelshBaftas #JesusUnemployed #ALittleIrishMathsTest #DirtyTreeAndATurd #PodcastInTurkey #IstanbulComedy #IrishCountdown #WasThatJeremyBeadle
Transcript
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MjvqhpJePReDBQ4grirxR16L1MKMCbZNt164EzkWte4/edit
Episode Highlights
1. Introduction
- Introduction to the episode by Jorma Kirkko and Ray Mac.
- Mention of sponsors, Vaticanum - 'the most a-peeling magazine for potato storers'
2. Episode Highlights and chat
Discussion about Ray eating ice lollies and communion wafers in a deck chair with underpants on his headScrambling eggs on Ray’s stomachSexy Beast (movie)True or False QuizMorgan Freeman poemJesus Sketch3. Morgan Freeman Funny Poem
Morgan Freeman reads his poem "The Habsburg Jaw," requested by Australian historian, Kim Phillips. Incest, chins and Game of ThronesJimmy Hill’s Chin4. True or False Quiz and chat
John Malkovich Bus Driver?Liam Neeson in Michael CollinsWho has the right to use the word Big Mac?Getting served lasagna by Cyclops5. Jesus In The Job Centre SKETCH
* What work have you done before Jesus?
* I suppose I am a Christian
* I’ve not worked really for 2000 years
* Was that fucking Jeremy Beadle?
6. Post of the Week
Irish Countdown7. Thanks and Closing Credits
- Closing remarks, credits, and thank-yous to contributors and sponsors
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''The funniest podcast of all time with the two funniest lads'' - Eamonn Holmes.
Comedy variety and chat from a sunny Istanbul.
#ComedyPodcast #FunnyPodcast #BritishComedy #IrishComedy #JormaKirklo #RayMac #MorganFreemanPoem #SpoofHoroscopes #FakePsychic #TrueOrFalseQuiz #AnimalFacts #FantasticMrFox #PodcastBanter #LieDetectorTest #RectalPolygraph #Marmite #Psychiatology #NickiMinaj #EamonHolmes #PsychicPredictions #PodcastInTurkey #IstanbulComedy
Transcript
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SQNpkbRxew8NS0Yrimu9_DM51ZouDCJsCXNwsBO9H68/edit
Episode Highlights
1. Introduction
- Introduction to the episode by Jorma Kirkko and Ray Mac.
- Mention of sponsors, James Joyce Irish Pub and Potato Storage International Magazine - 'the most a-peeling magazine for potato storers'
2. Episode Highlights and chat
Discussion about Ray stepping in dogshit while wearing sandalsPsychiatology - Ray takes the rectal polygraph test to discuss his hyper-sexual urges for Dr. Brutus HimmlerHoroscopes and Pscyhic Predictions for MayPost of the WeekTrue or False QuizMorgan Freeman poem3. Morgan Freeman Funny Poem
Morgan Freeman reads his poem "The Human Atom," requested by a listener. Dealing with not understanding physics and falling off horsesDiscussion about horses with moustaches4. True or False Quiz and chat
German word for fox is Fuchs - for Fuchs sake!Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald DahlMeryl Strep...er...Streep...Stripper?5. Psychic Predictions with Honzie
- Honzie's horoscopes and psychic predictions for the month of May.
Eamon Holmes, Manchester United, Nicki Minaj6. Dr. Brutus Himmler Rectal Polygraph on Ray
Ray undergoes some painful psychiatologyWe've no KY Jelly - only MarmiteRay's innermost erotic thoughts come to lightResidential Therapy Required9. YouTube Channel Promotion
- Promotion of the podcast’s YouTube channel and recent uploads.
10. Post of the Week
a genie gives a man a wish and he gets a 30cm tall piano player by mistake11. Thanks and Closing Credits
- Closing remarks, credits, and thank-yous to contributors and sponsors.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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''The funniest 30-40 minutes of your week'' - Liam Neeson
For the transcript please click here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z2tPDLkDshWsRGAzX_nFp8g0eEXCZ8OW/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=112544040379232077039&rtpof=true&sd=true
Episode Highlights:
1. "The Chinese Year of the Istanbullocks" - Intro
* Jorma and Ray kick off the show with humorous anecdotes, including Ray's hilarious recount of applying Canestan and Trabacort creams to treat a yeast infection.
* Shoutout to "De-worming World Magazine" for sponsoring the episode, bringing humor to the subject of pet parasite control.
2. Morgan Freeman's Poem:
- A weekly feature where Morgan Freeman reads an original poem requested by David from Kildare on a topic requested by a listener. This week's poem, "Climate Change by Morgan Freeman," reflects on the changing weather patterns and their impact on his mood.
* Call for listeners to send in their poetry requests to [email protected].
3. True or False Segment:
* Mozart making fun of a singer he disliked, mispronouncing Mozart and how Germans are obsessed with poo
4. Sketch: Woke Bloke Kaiden Stokes Tries To Cancel Culture At The British Library
* Kaiden Stokes threatens to burn lots of children’s classics such as The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Robin Hood but accidentally gets caught out when his mobile phone reveals he has been watching porn in the toilets.
5. Segment: Kiss and Tell:
* The boys help a female listener decide whether to continue with a relationship, involving a man with a "Lord of the Rings" fantasy.
6. Post of the Week:
* Joke sent in to Blackmilkshake Facebook page, the podcast’s sister project.
7. Closing:
* Encouragement for listeners to subscribe, download past episodes, and share with friends.
* Reminder to send in poetry requests and interact with the show.
#TalkingIstanbulllocksPodcast
#WeirdBedrooomBehaviour
#IstanbulComedy
#MorganFreemanPoem
#Funny
#DeWormingWorldMagazine
#KissAndTell
#PostOfTheWeek
#MozartTrivia
#MispronouncingMozart
#WokeParody
#WokeCulture
#CancelCulture
#CancellingChildrensBooks
#LordOfTheRingsFetish
#GettingCaughtMasturbating
#GlobalWarming
#BritishComedy
#IrishComedy
#expatpodcast
Call to Action:
- Subscribe on your favourite podcast app.
- Download and share past episodes.
- Send poetry requests to [email protected].
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Could Trump really have a body double? Donald Trump’s court behaviour is suspicious but could the real Donald be hiding on a desert island with Chris the Dog, getting updates via satellite phone from Marjorie Taylor Swift?
We dive into the bizarre world of Kristi Noem, the notorious pet contract killer and how Alanis Morisette ironically doesn't understand irony and other annoying song lyrics. How many words can Des'ree possibly get to rhyme with 'most' before her career is toast or before we mention Dolly Parton's Greatest 'Its
#DonaldTrumpSketch #BodyDouble #LostOnADesertIsland #KristiNoem #SongLyrics #DollyParton #ComedyPodcast ##BritishComedy #IrishComedy #Banter #MorganFreemanPoetry #MarjorieTaylorGreenParody #KlanMom #AlanisMorisette #TalkingIstanbullocksYouTube #IstanbulPodcast #expatpodcast
Summary:
Chinese New Year of The Talking Istanbullocks: ''the magazine that trains young men to not wear underpants under their jeans and knock at bored housewive’s doors to do essential repairs''; Bob Guccione Junior - Guns n Roses
Morgan Freeman: ''Silk Pajamas and Spanking by Morgan Freeman'', ''Donald farts in court, his orange head with disdain shakes,
As he dines on Filet-O-Fish,Big Macs and milkshakes.'', ''Stay away from under 40’s and women in porn,
No matter how much they might give you the horn.''
Donald Trump:
Agent Orange. Clan Mom calling. Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.
Donald: What do you say?
Marjorie Taylor: I said ‘I shall say this only once’.
Donald: No. Not that bit. The Asian Orange thing. I don’t get it Marjorie.
Marjorie Taylor Swift: Donald! You’re not supposed to use my name in case the cabal is listening in. You’re AGENT Orange.
True or False Quiz: Worst song lyrics ever - Alanis Morisette; Dolly Parton cover; Des'ree, Agadoo - Black Lace
Watch our YouTube Channel: Talking Istanbullocks
Post Of The Week: Funny joke
That's All Folks
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In the outrageous 70th episode we celebrate as a seedy Irish farmer attempts to have his collection of vintage soft-porn magazines valued on The Antiques Roadshow, and discuss Eurovision and enjoy a doleful Irish folk song with a surprisingly rude theme.
#TalkingIstanbullocks #VintageErotica #Eurovisionbanter #AntiquesRoadshowComedySketch #ComedyPodcast #IrishFolk #70Episodes #ChristyMooreRipOff #RudeSong #Britishcomedy #irishcomedy #expatpodcast
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The boys compare tigers' and Donald Trump's eating habits; discuss Kate Bush choreography; Morgan Freeman is fired from a commercial he did for the Egyptian Tourist Board for offering ''Egypt, like nostalgia and kids' TV just isn't what it used to be''. Meanwhile Liam Neeson pops in to discuss his latest rom-com script, Glove Actually, that sounds somewhat familiar and then he sulks when he gets a call from Spielberg AND realises he's forgotten his sandwiches.
Transcript:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ySBqoOuOpUnVzqfXIC164Iv36CF7yjhtkz9_Kr0erhM/edit
#comedypodcast #LiamNeesonRomCom #LiamNeesonInterview #PoemAboutEgypt #ComedyInterview #MorganFreemanReadsPoetry #DonaldTrumpEatingHabits #LoveActuallyParody #SpielbergCalls Neeson
Episode Summary
Chinese New Year Of The IstanbullocksSponsored by Reader's Wives Magazine: Finding your neighbour in the nip and Turkish hospitality from James Joyce Irish Pub, IstanbulMorgan Freeman Poem: The Ancient Sands of Egypt - The Egyptian Tourist Board fire Morgan for his poem - 'It's not an easy place to visit these days, It’s especially bad for women and gays, Cairo’s crowded, dirty and dangerous for driversi But go to the coasts and you’ll find it nicer' - Is Turkey nicer than Egypt? - Send your poetry request to Morgan at [email protected]'Subscribe, Share and Comment- Talking Istanbullocks YouTube Channel - Kaiden Stokes 'The Really Woke Bloke' video.Celebrity True or False: 'From Willie to Bush' * Kate Bush true or False * Welsh Bafta * 'I'm partial to a bit of Bush' * Tigers Tongues are sharper than women's * This is a family show * Donald Trump is another large orange animal * What Donald Trump has for dinner * Eye of the TigerLiam Neeson Interview: * Spielberg hasn't confirmed * With Bill Nighy at the zoo * Germans have silly accents * Glove Actually * Haven't had a woman for over eight days * Four Weddings and a fucking Funeral * Liam Neeson was never in Love Actually* I have a particular set of skills * Can you say prozzies anymore?Blackmilkshake Post of the Week - joke sent in to comedy Facebook page *Not everyone who shites on you is your enemyEnd Credits: Next week a song about 80's erotica * request for Morgan Freeman poems and Kiss and Tell Stories to [email protected]'No animals or copyright were violated during the making of this podcast'Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Morgan Freeman gives his opinion on Matt Barr, the man with the biggest penis in Britain; Honzie delivers April's horoscopes and a racing tip while Ray tells Jorma about his favourite willie: Willie Nelson and an arse ticklers club.
This show is sponsored by James Joyce Irish Pub, Istanbul and Spick And Span Magazine
#ComedySketches #Banter #MattBarr #BritainsBiggestPenis #WillieNelson #SizeIsntEverything #MorganFreeManPoetry #AprilHoroscopes #Honzie #JamesJoyceIrishPubIstanbul #SpickAndSpan #ArseTicklers #JeffWode
Transcript:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eoxOKhjy9M1k26_q3xNNQJs1L113DNlCIKH3ifnwmCE/edit?usp=sharing
'Episode Summary
Chinese New Year Of The IstanbullocksSponsored by Spick and Span Magazine: Ray's 80's erotica cupboard and shenanigans in James Joyce Irish Pub, IstanbulMorgan Freeman Poem: Size Isn't Everything - Jeff Wode 'better in their general life and 'he's much better in our sex life and in our general life' - Cat Deeley and Ben Shepherd discuss Matt Barr's Penis - twelve inches - Academy Awards - John Thomas - This Morning TV showIt's not what you've got, it's where you stick it - Talking Istanbullocks YouTube Channel - Kaiden Stokes 'The Really Woke Bloke' video, Gladiator parody videoCelebrity True or False: Willie Nelson's Black Belt * Karate/Kung Fu * Jorma's Willie Nelson in the woods story * A Cross Joint 'what your grandchildren will be smoking in the future' * Roofies and Baileys * 'Willie gets the horn * Shotgun Willie' * 'Willie thinks he's hard' * KY Jelly * who Willie Nelson worked with * 'I love Willie' *ThespiansHonzie's Horoscopes for April: South African bogus astonomer * a rat in my kitchen * horse racing tips * Grand Nation * Gladiator homage * I am Maximus * James Earl Ray * Jack Nicholas vs Jack NicholsonBlackmilkshake Post of the Week - joke sent in to comedy Facebook page * Arse Ticklers Istanbul * Putting a rubber on the end of your stick *End Credits: Liam Neeson interview next week * request for Morgan Freeman poems and Kiss and Tell Stories to [email protected]'No animals or copyright were violated during the making of this podcast'Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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The boys delve into the fascinating world of jiggy-jiggy giraffe style; Kaiden Stokes The Really Woke Bloke clashes with a pregnant woman over gender-neutral baby raising; a Cretan bar owner experiments with seaside camel rides; Morgan Freeman talks about the dangers of hayfever and diarrhoea while a man with no balls finds his dream job.
Certainly! To accurately assign timings to the segments, we'd ideally need the audio file to listen and match the content to its corresponding time stamps. However, since we only have the transcript, I can provide estimated timings based on the typical pacing of podcast conversations. Here's a structured outline with approximate timings:
1. Introduction: THE CHINESE YEAR OF THE ISTANBULLOCKS (00:00 - 02:00)**
- Mention of the main sponsor: James Joyce.
2. Sponsor Plug: (02:01 - 05:00)
- Portable Restroom Operator Monthly.
- ''Today's show is fuller than a port-a-loo on day 3 of Glastonbury."
- Episode Menu: Kaiden Stokes The Really Woke Bloke, True or False
3. Morgan Freeman Poem: (05:01 - 09:00)"Getting Older by Morgan Freeman."
4.Segment: True or False (09:01 - 10:00)
Jorma's remaining days in his 40s.Ray's upcoming eligibility for a bus pass.Discussion on middle age and health issues.Jokes about hydraulics (Viagra) and aging.Phil Thompson's father and The Magic Roundabout.Discussion on Magic Roundabout and Captain Pugwash.Bagpuss memories.5. Comedy Sketch: (15:01 - 17:00)
Kaiden explains woke parenting to a happy Polish woman6.Listener Engagement: (17:01 - 21:00)
Call for poem requests.Email address: [email protected] Channel Promotion: (19:01 - 21:00)Encouragement to like, comment, and share.Mention of sketches featuring Liam Neeson, Kaiden Stokes, Donald Trump, and Morgan Freeman.7.Nostalgic Discussion: (21:01 - 26:00)
True or False Segment: Phil Thompson's father and The Magic Roundabout.Discussion on Magic Roundabout and Captain Pugwash.Bagpuss memories.8.Animal Facts Segment: (26:01 - 27:00)
Giraffes' mating behavior.9. Post Of The Week: (27:01 - 29:00)
Joke from a listener10.Thanks and Closing Credits: (29:01 - 31:00)
Show wrap-up and closing remarks.Gratitude for listeners and sponsors.These timings are approximations based on typical podcast segment lengths and the given content.
Transcript
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12IQZxYbpJwafzg9lOEtVKM5G3tgAlHMYwerpjGdH9tE/edit
#TalkingIstanbullocks #AreGıraffesGay #GenderNeutralParenting #WokeParody #CamelBeachBar #SneezingWithDiarrhoea #ComedyPodcast #Istanbulpodcast #WokeBloke #FunnyPodcast #Britishcomedy #Irishcomedy #wokeculture #mockingwoke ##TalkingIstanbullocks #FunnyPodcasts #MorganFreemanPoem #PodcastBanter #ComedyDuo #FunnyPoems
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