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Dr. Bethy Campbell joins Monica to explore the delicate dance of offering constructive criticism while maintaining positive relationships. Learn practical strategies for delivering feedback that empowers growth, builds trust, and respects autonomy.
Whether you're offering feedback as a manager, colleague, spouse, or friend, this episode provides pro-level strategies that will transform your communication and foster meaningful change in others.
Key Takeaways
We earn the right to be able to offer feedback by focusing on the relationship first and establishing connection.Always precede constructive feedback with genuine praise to build trust and boost self-efficacy.Avoid using "but" when transitioning from praise to constructive feedback, as it tends to negate everything that came before.Frame constructive feedback positively by encouraging specific alternative behaviors rather than simply telling someone to stop doing something.When giving feedback, "strike when the iron is cold" to ensure emotions are not running high and both parties are receptive.Related Listening
Ep #140: Growth Factor: How to ask for (and receive) feedback
Links
Life Directions Consulting with Dr. Bethy Campbell
Meet me in Nashville for the ISCEBS Symposium
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Change is challenging, for all kinds of different reasons. But one thing that can make it more challenging than it actually needs to be is when we insist on going it alone.
Whether you're aiming to improve your health, boost your productivity, or cultivate a new skill, having a solid support strategy can be the difference between frustration and success.
But getting the people around you to support you in ways that you find supportive can be challenging. Here are some ways to set yourself up for success.
Key Takeaways
Be specific when asking for support from friends and family. Don't expect them to read your mind – tell them exactly how they can help. Remember that unsupportive behavior from others is often more about their own insecurities than about you. Curate your environment to reflect the person you're becoming. Remove obstacles and add elements that propel you towards your goals.Seek out people who share your goals and motivations and are actively pursuing the kinds of things you want to incorporate in your life.Work with Me
30 Day Nutrition Upgrade
Weighless Program
Keynotes and Workshops
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Dr. Michelle Segar is an NIH-funded researcher at the University of Michigan. She’s also a best-selling author and health coach. She’s spent close to thirty years studying how to create sustainable changes and healthy behaviors that can survive the complexity and unpredictability of the real world.
In this episode, Monica talks with Dr. Segar about her newest book, The Joy Choice, as well as her 3-step process for staying on track even when life goes off the rails.
Highlights
Why it is hard to follow through on our best intentionsHow research on ADHD has influenced behavior changeThe concept of Goal ShieldingHow working memory affects our behaviors and how we can leverage itMichelle's "POP" 3-step process and why play is such an important aspect of itMentioned
The Joy Choice, by Michelle Segar
MichelleSegar.com
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Goals come in different flavors--and they don’t all work same way. By understanding the differences, we can uncover ways in which our goals may be a bit fuzzy, lacking support, in conflict with one another, or even just out of balance. That insight can help us fine-tune our efforts, helping us create lives that are healthier, happier, more productive, and more meaningful!
Key Takeaways:
Make sure that your emotional and outcome goals are supported by specific behavioral goals.There’s an important difference between emotional goals (how we want to feel in our lives) and the desire to simply “feel better right now,” which can often lead us to act in ways that thwart our progress toward our actual goals.It can be hard to stay motivated by behavioral goals alone, so try to be clear on what emotional or outcome goals your behavioral goals are in service of. We also want to check our goals for alignment with our other goals and our values and adjust as necessary.Lab Experiment:
Make a list of your current goals, objectives and aspirations and sort them into behavioral, emotional, and outcome goals.
Does one category dominate your list? If most of your goals are behavioral, what sort of outcome or emotional goals will these behaviors lead to?Are your emotional goals supported by behavioral goals?Are your outcome goals supported by specific behavioral goals? Why do these outcomes matter to you; how do they align with your values and long-term vision?What emotional goals might your outcome goals serve? Do you have goals that are in conflict with one another? Can these two goals co-exist?If not, how do your values suggest you ought to proceed?Do your goals reflect the things you care about most? Do they bring you closer to a life that is aligned with your deepest values?Mentioned
Weighless Program for sustainable weight management
Overcoming stress and emotional eating
Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
Ep #146: Sense foraging: How to do an end run around the DMN
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The Default Mode Network, or DMN, is the part of your brain that drives your habitual actions and thoughts. When we feel “stuck” in unwanted behaviors or thought patterns, the DMN is running the show.
You might think that the solution would be to somehow ratchet down DMN activity. Unfortunately, this is almost impossible to do. But it turns out that there’s a surprisingly simple way to do an end run around that pesky DMN, and open up possibilities that have eluded us before.
Key Takeaways
Recognize your DMN at work: Next time you find yourself stuck in a negative thought loop or unwanted behavior, pause and acknowledge that this might be your Default Mode Network (DMN) running on autopilot. Engage your senses to shift your mindset: When stress or old habits threaten to take over, try the "5-4-3" exercise: Observe 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, and 3 things you can hear. This simple practice can help break the DMN's hold. Embrace novelty in your routine: Look for small ways to introduce variety into your daily life, like taking a different route to work or trying a new type of exercise. Remember, even minor changes can boost your mood and broaden your perspective. Practice intentional sense foraging: Set aside time each day to deliberately tune into your sensory experiences. This doesn't require anything special - just pay attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations around you in everyday moments. Understand how stress affects your perception. When you're feeling overwhelmed, remember that stress can dampen your sensory perception. Try to counteract this by consciously tuning into your environment through your senses.
MentionedBetter in Every Sense: How the New Science of Sensation Can Help You Reclaim Your Life, by Norm Farb and Zindel Segal
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There's definitely an art to planning. And we'll get into that in this episode. But here’s the thing everyone forgets to tell you about planning: The real trick is actually not in making the plan. The real trick is in sticking to the plan you’ve made. We'll talk about why that is so darned hard--and how to get better at following through on your plans.
Key Takeaways
Planning provides structure, focus, and accountability. Without a plan, it's too easy for your goals and intentions to get lost in the shuffle of daily life. Having contingency plans allows you to adapt when obstacles arise, maintaining momentum and flexibility.Remember to be kind to your future self when making plans. Create plans that include not only productive tasks but also rest, relaxation, and treats. Even if your plans are not perfect, the act of sticking to them anyway (until you can adjust them) reinforces your identity as someone who keeps their commitments–even to themselves.Mentioned
- Episode #138: Why goals are not always enough- Have a nagging question or a problem you’re running up against, or just something you’ve noticed and want to share? Send an email or leave a voicemail and I’ll discuss it (anonymously) in a future episode.
- Learn more about the Weighless Program
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Being curious about our experiences (both internal and external) really is key to unlocking our progress and potential. But to be honest, it’s a tricky one.
Certain mental reactions often masquerade as genuine curiosity. In this episode, you'll learn to recognize these imposters and pivot instead to the kind of inquiry that actually moves you forward instead of leaving you stuck in the same old repeating patterns.
Key Takeaways
The goal of curiosity is less about explaining what happened and more about exploring what might happen next.Don't be in a rush to get to "the answer." By slowing down the process we can access information that might not be immediately apparent. When we need something to be a certain way, it’s hard to see what it actually is. The partner to curiosity is flexibility, looking for multiple ways to pursue an outcome. (Chances are, you'll need them all eventually).Not everything will work but, if we can be curious, everything can contribute to your success.Mentioned
Learn more about the Weighless Program
Have a nagging question or a problem you’re running up against, or just something you’ve noticed and want to share? Send an email or leave a voicemail and I'll discuss it (anonymously) in a future episode
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I'm betting you aspire to a future life that is at least a little bit better than it is now—perhaps you'll be a bit healthier, less stressed, more content. You're working towards a future in which you have achieved certain goals or milestones.
What we don't always realize (or fully acknowledge) is that the choices we make today, the actions we do or do not take, are actually creating that future. For better or worse. Let’s make sure that Future You doesn’t look back at today’s choices with regret.
Key Takeaways
Stop waiting for the "perfect time" to start working towards your goals – resolve to begin today. Remember that obstacles and challenges are part of life's fabric, not temporary disruptions. Learn to progress despite them. Be aware of how often you prioritize others' needs over your own goals and the impact this may have on your life's trajectory.Commit to taking action, even if you're unsure of the perfect first step. Action often leads to clarity. Be willing to tolerate the discomfort of developing new skills or habits, rather than avoiding it and deferring your progress. It's important not to just visualize your end goal, but also the daily effort required to achieve it.Mentioned
Change Academy #139: Finding your why
Change Academy #106 Why insight isn’t enough
Change Academy #6: The hidden cost of unmet goalsJoin us in the Weighless program
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Over the past 9 or so months, Karen has lost about 25% of her weight. Which is a big deal. But it’s really not the headline of her story. Her story is really about shedding her lifelong identity as the one who could do everything for everyone. Instead, she realized that focusing on her own physical and emotional health was not only the most caring thing she could do for herself but was also the most caring thing she could do for all the people she cared about.
Karen is one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever worked with and I want you to meet her.
Key Takeaways
You may be tempted to focus on the behaviors that you want to change. But developing healthier strategies to manage life's challenges is key to sustainable transformation.Prioritizing self-care may feel uncomfortable at first. But investing in your own wellbeing enhances your capacity to be there for others. It's not selfish; it's necessary. Stepping back can create space for others to rise to the occasion. You may be surprised at the growth and resilience this empowers in those around you. Change is an ongoing journey of growth, not a race to a fixed destination. Allow your vision of a "good life" to continue to evolve as you do. Be courageous in examining the patterns and beliefs that have kept you stuck. Take a "leap of faith" that the temporary discomfort of change will be worth it.Mentioned:
Stress and Emotional Eating program
Weighless programInterested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.
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Do you know what separates the people who achieve lasting change from those who stay stuck? I’ve worked with hundreds of clients over the years and some clear patterns have definitely emerged.
In this episode, I share the attitudes and behaviors that my most successful clients all embody - insights that can help propel your own progress, whether you're working with a coach privately, or in a group, or going it alone. You'll learn practical strategies for taking ownership, staying motivated, and making real progress towards your goals.
Key Takeaways
Only when we are willing to take responsibility for our actions (or inactions) can we make the changes needed to achieve our goals.Regular reflection is critical to internalizing what you are learning and maintaining progress. Rather than passively waiting for solutions, think ahead, ask for what you need, and seek feedback. Commit to viewing failures as opportunities to learn and refine your strategies, rather than as reasons to give up.A coach's role is to provide perspective, accountability, collaborative problem-solving, and support. The motivation and the willingness to do the work must come from you.Mentioned
Weighless Program enrollment information
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Dr. Bethy Campbell joins Monica to discuss the rewards and potential pitfalls of seeking feedback–in both your professional and personal relationships. Concrete strategies and real-world examples show you how to elicit the most constructive feedback and then how to process and act on it for maximum benefit.
Whether you're looking to improve your communication, enhance your work performance, or strengthen your personal relationships, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone committed to continuous improvement and personal growth.
Key Takeaways
If what you are really seeking is validation or reassurance, ask for that instead of asking for feedback. Asking first for specific examples of what is going well can make it easier to benefit from any constructive criticism that follows. Remember that giving feedback (especially to someone you care about) can be just as scary or challenging as being on the receiving end. When receiving feedback, confirming that you heard what the other person said is more important than disputing details or offering explanations.When feedback elicits a big emotional response, simply thank the person for their feedback and ask for time to process before responding.Get in touch
Send us an email ([email protected])
Leave us a voicemail (changeacademypodcast.com/voicemail)
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In this episode, we’re exploring an aspect of change that can be really tricky: figuring out why making this change is important to you.
It doesn’t sound like it would be that hard. But often it takes a little digging to get at the true heart of our WHY, our compelling reason.
Whether your goals have to do with your health, finances, career, relationships, or anything else, uncovering your compelling reason is crucial. Because it not only increases your chances of success; it also bolsters your overall mental and emotional health.
Key Takeaways
Knowing what you want to change (or how you’re going to go about it) often isn’t enough to overcome the counter-pressure of the status quo.A lack of alignment between our goals and our values causes internal conflict that reduces our resilience to everyday stresses.When we pursue changes or goals that are about other people’s expectations or approval, succeeding may not be as satisfying or rewarding as we thinkWanting to avoid something bad is just as valid a reason as wanting to obtain something good. But it is a different sort of why.Action Steps
Make a list of your reasons for wanting to accomplish a certain goal or create a specific change. For each reason, ask yourself: But why do I want that? What would that bring into my life? Then what? Keep asking that question until your answers feel connected to what you value most.Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.
Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.
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We are a society of goal-setters. If you’re not setting and achieving goals, you’re not living your best life. Or so we’re told. And goals do have their place. The thing is that goals (alone) are not enough to really move us forward in the ways that matter most. In order to that, they have to be woven into a larger fabric that also includes our core values. In this episode, we talk about how to do that.
Takeaways:
A goal often involves achieving a certain result or crossing a certain finish line. But goals often lose their power to motivate us as soon as we achieve them.An objective goes beyond “I want to achieve this” more into the territory of “this is who and how I want to be.”Think about what objective or identity each of your goals contributes to. This ensures that even short-term achievements are connected to long-term objectives. Listening to podcasts does not create change. You have to actually put these insights and tools to work in your own life.Mentioned:
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Why is it sometimes so darned hard to just do the things that we KNOW will make us healthier, happier and more effective in our jobs and lives?
Behavioral activation offers us a framework for understanding and responding to that familiar situation of not wanting to do the thing that we know will actually move us forward.
Joining me on the show today is Dr. Bethy Campbell, a clinical psychologist, teacher, and coach who regularly stops by the Change Academy to help us make sense of our own brains.
Four Ways We Get Stuck (and How to Get Unstuck)
Overcoping (aka doubling down):: Excessive or overly intense efforts to manage stress or negative emotions.
What to do: Set realistic goals, prioritize, and establish boundariesAvoidance (aka procrastination): Staying away from situations, activities, or thoughts that are distressing.
What to do: Break the task or behavior into small stepsWithdrawal (aka isolating): Staying away from people and activities that you previously enjoyed; refusing to ask for help or support.
What to do: Actively seek out social interactions and engaging activitiesUnintentionality (aka numbing): Lack of awareness or conscious control over behaviors: engaging in mindless activity that may not be that rewarding.
What to do: Set limits on mindless activities, create structured routinesMentioned
- Change Academy #115: How to transform difficult emotions into powerful insights
- Change Academy #11: The Attention Intention Action cycle
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Kurt Nelson and Tim Houlihan are the co-hosts of the Behavioral Grooves podcast and heavy hitters in the behavioral sciences. In this episode, the three of us trade notes on what we've learned from years of podcasting and behavioral coaching and how it impacts our ability to work with our own behavior challenges. (Yup, we still have them!)
Key Takeaways
Curiosity allows for both open-mindedness and critical thinking.Trusted sources are a valuable short-cut but can't completely replace our own judgement. Building a bigger toolkit is great but you still need to know which tool to pick upLife is a series of experiments with an awful lot of uncontrolled variables. The wonderful/awful thing about asking for feedback is that you might get itWho do you want on your behavior change team?Mentioned
Behavioral Grooves podcastThey thought we were ridiculous: The unlikely story of behavioral economics
Brain/Shift Journal
Nutrition GPA app
Change Academy #134: Why behavioral economics shouldn't be the only tool in the toolbox
Change Academy #123: How to build the circle that supports your best work
Change Academy #50: Motivation and Accountability
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It’s a very natural human tendency to compare ourselves to the people around us–and even to the people we see portrayed in the media. And like so many other behavioral tendencies, this one is a double-edged sword. Looking at what others have achieved can inspire us to greater effort. It can also make us feel like crap. And we don't want that!
Today, we're delving into the psychology behind why we are driven to compare ourselves to others, the impact it can have on our mental well-being, and some strategies to help you avoid the compare-and-despair cycle.
Takeaways
Recognize that comparing ourselves to others can either motivate us or lead to feelings of inadequacy, depending on our mindset and circumstances.Be aware of specific situations or people that prompt you to engage in unhealthy comparisons and find ways to either avoid these triggers or change your reaction to them.Shift your perspective from others to your own journey. Measure your success against your past achievements rather than against others' accomplishments.Implement a regular practice of acknowledging what you're thankful for, which can transform your viewpoint from comparison to appreciation.Remember that everyone’s path, including yours, is distinct and equally valuable. Embracing this viewpoint can diminish the urge to compare and help you appreciate the uniqueness of your own and others' life experiences.Mentioned
Stronger Bones Workshop on April 13th
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Behavioral economics has given us a lot of insights into how we can influence our own and other’s behavior. But the approach has some serious limitations, especially when applied to promoting health behaviors.
Joining me on the podcast is Michelle Segar, a frequent guest here on the Change Academy. Michelle is an NIH-funded researcher at the University of Michigan. She’s also a best-selling author and health coach whose work focuses on fostering behavior change that can survive the complexity and unpredictability of the real world.
Takeaways
Take some time on a regular basis to reflect on how your personal values, beliefs, and motivations align with your desired behavioral changes (and vice versa!)Acknowledge emotional and psychological issues that may present barriers to change. Consider seeking support from a mental health professional, especially if you face challenges like depression, anxiety, or past trauma.Take a look at your social and physical environment and think about how these factors impact your behavior. Consider where you might find supportive communities or how altering your environment might encourage positive habits.Consider getting involved with community initiatives or advocacy groups that are working to address broader societal issues that impact our ability to choose healthier behaviors. For example, groups advocating to make our cities and neighborhoods more walkable or bike-friendly, or organizing mobile farmer’s markets, or upgrading local recreational facilities.Mentioned
They Thought We Were Ridiculous (5-part series on the history of Behavioral Economics)
Better habits aren’t the answer? (Change Academy Ep #111, with Michelle Segar)
No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness, by Michelle Segar
The Joy Choice: How to Finally Achieve Lasting Changes in Eating and Exercise, by Michelle
Certification program for health coaches
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What if the pursuit of happiness is NOT the path to greater life satisfaction? What if being more productive and getting more done isn’t actually the way to get ahead?
In today’s episode, I’m talking to author Oliver Burkeman about some of the ways in which we might want to re-examine our relationship to goals, happiness, and the things that are most important to us.
This is sometimes a bit painful. because so much of it has to do with confronting some of the hard limits that we like to pretend don’t exist. But, as you’ll hear, there is ultimately a profound relief and freedom to be found in facing finitude.
Takeaways
Try to find satisfaction in the journey toward your goals, rather than postponing fulfillment until they are achieved.Cultivating your ability to be present to everyday, even mundane, moments can lead to a deeper appreciation of life as it unfolds.Understand that every choice has its consequences, and it’s impossible to avoid negative outcomes entirely.Some of the most meaningful experiences in life are not the result of meticulous planning or pursuit but unexpected and unplanned.Being present is a skill that can be practiced in everyday situations like waiting in line or working in the office–and not just on the meditation cushion or yoga mat.Books and courses by Oliver Burkeman
Time Management Video Course (BBC/Maestro)
Use the discount code CHANGES30 to save 30%!
The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals
Also Mentioned50K Mile Tune-up Listening Guide and Workbook
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Over the years, I have worked with a lot of people on various aspects of behavior change–mostly having to do with health behaviors. I have witnessed and celebrated some amazing breakthroughs and successes.
But I have also seen people stumble and struggle. Regularly. Something happens and they fall back into old habits or patterns that they’d successfully moved away from.
It’s disappointing but it’s not a tragedy. Because this is just part of the change process. What I do find tragic–and unnecessary–is when these lapses cause people to people give up entirely.
Today, we’re going to talk about how to survive these inevitable episodes and get yourself back in the game more quickly.
Key Takeaways
Setbacks are a natural part of the change process and do not negate previous progress.Refrain from attaching a negative story to a lapse, as it can lead to further setbacks.Approach setbacks with curiosity and self-compassion; seek to understand the underlying causes. Rebound from setbacks by learning from them and redirecting energy back towards the goal.A supportive community can provide reflection, encouragement, and valuable insightsMentioned in this Episode
Permission giving thoughts (Change Academy episode)
Weighless program
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Is there something in your life that’s been driving you crazy for a while? Some situation at work that you find yourself venting to your spouse about every night at dinner? Or maybe a recurring conflict with your partner or your kids that never seems to be adequately resolved? Do you find yourself ruminating over a problematic situation every time you have a moment alone in the car?
In this episode, Dr. Bethy Campbell and I are sharing a 4-step process that can help you exit that complaint loop and actually move toward positive change. Bethy is a clinical psychologist, a marriage and family therapist.
The technique that we’re talking about today is taken from her book on Helping Skills, a book that would be a great resource if you are in a situation where you’re frequently called upon to provide guidance and emotional support.
But this absolutely an approach that can (and should) apply to your own knotty situations.
Key Takeaways
Complaining has its place. When done constructively, it can help us acknowledge and process pent-up feelings, and encourage self-awareness and self-compassion. Repetitive, non-constructive complaining–in addition to wearing out our friends and loved ones patience–increases our stress and hinders problem-solving. Reorienting the language we use to talk about the problem can help us see more possibilities for resolution or change. If you don’t have a trusted partner to help you reflect, journaling or recording voice memos can help you spot and reframe unhelpful language.Mentioned in this episode
Converting good intentions into action (Change Academy episode #129)
Helping Skills Training for Non Professional Counselors (Enter the promo code ADC24 for 30% off)
Dr. Bethy Campbell’s mailing list
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