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A growing number of American adults have the same feeling about romantic partnerships: They don’t want one. Anita meets three people who have chosen singlehood: a scholar who examines the double standard of relationship status, a single mother of two by choice and a man shedding toxic masculinity to build a deliberately single life.
Meet the guests:
- Dr. Kris Marsh, associate professor at the University of Maryland and author of “The Love Jones Cohort: Single and Living Alone in the Black Middle Class,” brings us into her research on single, Black Americans and some of the larger structural forces that shape an individual's choice to be single — and how that work has informed her own embrace of singlehood
- Aisha Jenkins, a single mother by choice and the host and creator of the "Start to Finish Motherhood" podcast and blog, shares her journey to becoming a parent and the key relationships that have supported her along the way
- Lucas Bradley, author of "A Single Point of Light" Substack newsletter, explains what he has put into place to create a fulfilling life for himself as a deliberately single man
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This episode originally aired June 2, 2023.
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The option to end one's own life through prescribed, lethal medication is legal in 10 states and in Washington D.C. Guest host Anisa Khalifa talks to two researchers about what the assisted death debate illuminates about dying in the United States.
Meet the guests:
- Mara Buchbinder, a medical anthropologist and the author of "Scripting Death: Stories of Assisted Dying in America," shares her research into how patients, doctors and caregivers interpreted assisted death law in Vermont
- Harold Braswell, associate professor in health care ethics at St. Louis University, talks about disability rights and how assisted death fits into the larger end-of-life care landscape in the U.S.
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American Sign Language is the third-most used language in the U.S. ASL has its own culture and art forms, and for many Deaf folks, ASL is about much more than just communication. Anita talks to Deaf author Sara Nović and Deaf ASL Slam poet Douglas Ridloff about how ASL gave them tools for self-understanding and artistic expression. Then she learns from scholars Carolyn McCaskill and Joseph Hill about Black American Sign Language (BASL), an ASL dialect that emerged because of school segregation.
Meet the guests:
- Sara Nović, author of "True Biz," outlines the history of ASL and how it has influenced her work as a writer
- Douglas Ridloff, visual storyteller, ASL master and executive director of ASL Slam, shares how he learned ASL and became an ASL poet
- Carolyn McCaskill, recently retired professor and director of the Center for Black Deaf Studies at Gallaudet University, talks about attending a segregated school for the deaf — and how integration raised her awareness of Black ASL (BASL)
- Joseph Hill, associate professor in the department of ASL and Interpreting Education at Rochester Institute of Technology, talks about the impact of the research he, Carolyn and two other colleagues have conducted about BASL
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Check out the video version of this conversation: part one is here, and part two is here.
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Mainstream adaptive fashion lines are relatively new, but creating clothes to fit and flatter a range of bodies has long been part of disability culture. Anita meets three disabled fashionistas who design with disabled bodies as a starting point, not an afterthought.
Meet the guests:
- Dr. Ben Barry is the Dean of Fashion at Parsons School of Design who's pushing for further inclusion in fashion – particularly when it comes to the ways clothing is designed, marketed and modeled for folks with disabilities
- Sky Cubacub is a Chicago-based fashion designer focused on making size-inclusive garments for queer and trans disabled folks through their company, Rebirth Garments
- Samantha Jade Durán is a designer and influencer also known by the handle “A Disabled Icon"
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A new crop of children’s book authors are trying to help kids develop curiosity about their physical bodies. But how exactly do they turn fraught body politics into compelling children's stories? Anita gets answers when she meets Tyler Feder and Shelly Anand, the creators behind the books "Bodies Are Cool" and "Laxmi's Mooch."
Meet the guests:
- Tyler Feder, the author and illustrator behind the book “Bodies are Cool"
- Shelly Anand, the author of “Laxmi’s Mooch"
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While early biology lessons often teach us about sex as a binary, our bodies tell a different story. An intersex physician tells Anita about the decades-long attempt to erase intersex folks from existence, and a parent and two young adults share their advice on how to best support adolescents who defy the sex and gender binary.
Meet the guests:
- Suegee Tamar-Mattis, a physican who is also an intersex person, describes the decades-long attempt to erase intersex folks from existence, what support is available for intersex youth in their adolescent years and the importance of intersex community
- Eric Lohman, parent to a 12-year-old intersex kid, explains how he and his wife have helped his tween explore gender and make decisions about his own body as he’s gotten older.
- Hillel and Sam, two young intersex adults, share their thoughts on what it means to be intersex, the experience of puberty and gender identity and their hopes for the future in terms of intersex awareness and advocacy
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Many autistic people assigned female at birth remain undiagnosed at 18, so what's it like to get an autism diagnosis in your adulthood? Anita meets two women whose paths to a diagnosis started on the internet. Plus a non-binary photographer shares how their late autism diagnosis has informed their marriage and sense of self.
Meet the guests:
- Irene Chon, neurodivergent creator and self-empowerment coach, talks about the challenge of getting assessed for autism as an adult and why working in customer service was kind of the perfect job for her as an autistic person
- Kofi Robinson, a lawyer and TikTok creator, shares how her autistic traits coincide with the expectations for a good lawyer and how she makes solid friendships
- Jenni Chapman, a queer and nonbinary photographer, draws parallels between coming out as queer and coming out as autistic, and how she's preparing to handle noise sensitivity as a parent
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Dig Deeper:
A 2022 study on autism and people assigned female at birth
The TikTok account that made Irene realize she was autistic
Jenni's podcast, The Queer Soul Spotlight
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Our understanding of the term bisexuality has been in a state of constant evolution. In a moment when bisexual adults make up the largest share of the LGBTQ+ population, how is bisexuality being re-imagined, reclaimed — and sometimes relinquished? Anita meets two people who have grappled with the term’s history, meaning and power for building community.
Meet the guests:
- J.R. Yussuf is the author of “Dear Bi Men: A Black Man's Perspective on Power, Consent, Breaking Down Binaries, and Combating Erasure”
- Jazmín Aguilar is a host and senior audio producer at the Boston Globe
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Dealing with pimples and blackheads in middle school is practically a right of passage. But when acne is a defining feature of your adulthood... it’s a whole different experience. Anita meets two acne content creators and a photographer who talk about the emotional toll of severe acne, the myth of normal skin, and the responsibility of being today’s skincare influencers.
Meet the Guests:
- Patsy Chem, an acne-positive skinfluencer, shares the experience of getting severe acne in her 20s and how that shaped her social life
- Peter DeVito, photographer behind the "Acne Normalization" project, talks about creating a safe space in portrait photography for models with acne and the ripple effect of those photos
- Cassandra Bankson, a medical esthetician, model and skinfluencer, discusses how she handles the responsibility of challenging beauty standards while also reviewing skincare products and practices
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Dig Deeper:
Cassandra's viral video and YouTube channel
NYT on adult acne
Jessica DeFino in Teen Vogue on the myth of "normal skin" and in Vanity Fair on dermatology’s biggest rule that was meant to be broken
Patsy Chem on accepting her acne
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The marriage rate in this country has fallen nearly 60% in the last half century. So what’s motivating those of us still choosing to say I do? On her one-year wedding anniversary, Anita ponders this question with the Hindu officiant who helped her build a ceremony that bridged the gap between her values and her dad's traditional desires. Plus, a comedian and queer ex-nun explains how she takes people from the place of "marriage is a dumpster fire" to a ceremony they're excited about.
Meet the guests:
- Raja Gopal Bhattar is a consultant, author and officiant who Anita and her family worked with to design her wedding ceremony
- Kelli Dunham, a comedian, nurse and queer ex-nun who officiates weddings and funerals — and refers to herself as "queer secular clergy"
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If you want to hear more of Satish Rao on Embodied:
Mixed (Parent Edition), where Anita talks to her parents about growing up mixed race
Pooped, where Satish gets to share his expertise as a gastroenterologist
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Kennedy Ryan has released 23 romance books in the past decade, and along the way she's developed a style and approach that speaks to hundreds of thousands of readers. Anita sits down with her at a special live event at Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill to talk about how her own relationships inform her work, the art of writing unskippable sex scenes and what's next for her career as her Skyland series makes its way to TV.
Meet the guest:
- Kennedy Ryan is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling romance author.
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Looking for more romance episodes? Try these:
The Making of Great Erotica - Anita goes behind the scenes with two prolific erotica author-editors and a former producer for the audio erotica app Dipsea to figure out how the sausage — and the butt slaps — get made.
Written: Disability Love Stories - Anita meets a novelist, essayist and activist who share their disability love stories and how writing has changed their relationships with others and themselves (including an interview with author Talia Hibbert!)
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Egg donation in the U.S. is a multibillion dollar industry with high stakes and complicated dynamics. Anita talks with two egg donors about why they donated and what they wish they'd known earlier. Plus, a medical anthropologist shines a light on the messy world of donor compensation and why some eggs are valued higher than others.
Meet the guests:
- Julie Ventura, egg donor and nail artist, shares her journey of donating eggs for her best friends to start a family
- Claire Burns, egg donor and Canadian playwright, actor and advocate, explains her concerns with the industry after hearing about lots of varying experiences as the co-founder of the online support group, We Are Egg Donors
- Daisy Deomampo, associate professor of anthropology at Fordham University, breaks down her research into the racialization and commodification of the egg donor market, particularly for Asian American donors
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At its best, reading is a portal to new worlds and new ideas. But a lot can get in the way — up to 20% of the population experiences symptoms of dyslexia, a lifelong neurological disorder that makes it difficult to read fluently. An author who learned to read when he was 18 and a dyslexia scholar help Anita understand how reading develops in the brain and what's at stake if dyslexic learners are left by the wayside.
Meet the guests:
- Dr. Shawn Robinson is an entrepreneur, consultant and author of the graphic novel series “Doctor Dyslexia Dude!”
- Dr. Maryanne Wolf is the director of the Center for Dyslexia, Diverse Learners and Social Justice at UCLA in the School of Education and Information Studies
A special thank you to Eso Romero for contributing her insights as a teacher of dyslexic students to this episode!
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How does living with a condition that is so deeply stigmatized affect who and how we love? Anita meets a mixed-HIV status couple who shares how they've approached sex and intimacy in their 11+ year relationship. Plus, a woman who was born HIV positive talks about dating, disclosure and overcoming the fear of rejection.
Meet the guests:
- Rainer Oktovianus is a photographer and user experience designer living with HIV
- Eka Nasution is a project management professional and Rainer's husband
- Diana Koss is a content creator and host of the "Born Positive" YouTube channel
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Anita's highly-anticipated (and highly-awkward) first kiss was in eighth grade … but she remembers it like it was yesterday! A scientist tells her why our brains respond so strongly to kissing and how our kissing customs have changed over time. She also unpacks the power of a kiss with a photographer who documents queer Black love in public and three Gen-Zers school her on contemporary kissing culture.
Meet the guests:
- Sheril Kirshenbaum, science communicator and author of “The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us,” explains what's happening in our brains when our lips touch another person's and digs into the cultural history and evolution of kissing
- Kadar Small, photographer, director and filmmaker, shares his photo series "PDA," which aims to highlight and normalize images of Black and brown queer intimacy
- Donna Diaz, Parys Smith and Chris Williams, all current and past WUNC Youth reporters, talk together about their first kisses, how they think about boundaries and what makes a good kiss
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Anita brings you into part of our family secrets variety show from earlier this year, featuring North Carolina country duo Blue Cactus. She talks with the band about creating and performing an original song inspired by an anonymous secret. The secret was gathered by Song Confessional, an Austin-based podcast that matches songwriters with “confessions.”
Meet the guests:
- Walker Lukens, co-creator and co-host of the Song Confessional podcast
- Steph Stewart and Mario Arnez, members of Blue Cactus
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It's a small procedure, but a big question. Anita talks with a urologist about what medical advice to consider while making the circumcision decision (and where medicine doesn't have the answers). She also meets a rabbi and mother who offers alternatives to centuries-old circumcision rituals and hears from a circumcised father raising an uncircumcised son.
Meet the guests:
- Dr. Emilie K. Johnson, a pediatric urologist and associate professor of urology at Northwestern University, answers Anita's questions about the procedure and shares her research on disparities in access to circumcision
- Rabbi Elyssa Cherney, founder of Tackling Torah, talks about the role of circumcision in the Jewish faith tradition, how she works with interfaith couples on what parts of that tradition to follow or preserve — and she explains how she handled the circumcision decision with her son
- Chris Silva, a father, talks about how his thinking on circumcision evolved after his son was born prematurely, from assuming they would have the procedure for his son to ultimately decided not to circumcise
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In Anita's lifetime, the divorce rate for Americans over 55 has doubled. People are living longer, divorce stigma has decreased and women are more financially independent. But leaving a decades-long marriage … is a big life upheaval. Anita gets personal accounts from two gray divorcees about what it was like to rebuild their identities, finances and freedom post-divorce. They discuss money management, surfing and why women initiate divorce most often in heterosexual partnerships.
Meet the guests:
- Laura Stassi is a writer, editor and the host of the podcast "Dating While Gray."
- Dr. Stephanie Han is a literature scholar, award-winning author and educator.
Special thanks to Nanette Murphy and Linda Lingo for sharing their thoughts for this episode!
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Anita's been deep in romantasy land this year reading Fourth Wing & ACOTAR. And it's gotten her thinking about the skill required to make steamy sex scenes come alive on the page and out loud. She goes behind the scenes with two prolific erotica author-editors and a former producer for the audio erotica app Dipsea to figure out how the sausage — and the butt slaps — get made.
Meet the guests:
- Rachel Kramer Bussel has been published in more than 100 erotica anthologies, edited at least 70 others and is the author of “How To Write Erotica.”
- Cecilia Tan has written science fiction and fantasy erotica for 30 years and is the founder of the publishing company Circlet Press.
- Selene Ross is a former audio producer for the popular audio erotica app Dipsea and an artist and musician with an MFA in fiction from Oregon State University, where she teaches podcast storytelling and writing.
Special thanks to Megan Hart and Lee Suksi for contributing to this episode!
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Anita and her partner John have started talking more openly about how his hearing loss informs their relationship and how they'll continue to navigate that as they age. She meets another interabled couple (Anna and Vika) who share the sometimes humorous, sometimes challenging moments that accompany sex and dating with hearing loss. Plus, former guest Yat Li returns to talk about deafness, disclosure, and disabled identity.
Meet the guests:
- Anna Pulley, author and columnist, talks about her journey with sex and intimacy as a deaf and hard of hearing person
- Vika Mass, Anna's fiancee, shares how she has adjusted as part of an interabled couple
- Yat Li, disability advocate, inclusive model and creator of “Let There Be Ears” on YouTube, talks about how he learned to self-disclose his deafness
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