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It sounds stupid. But I spent a large part of my life suppressing my creative urges through the tag of 'entrepreneur'. Now, I'm finally shrugging that off... and it feels so liberating.
For almost five years now, I’ve considered myself to be an ‘entrepreneur’.
Actually, that’s a big steaming pile of bullshit. I’ve pretty much been aware of an entrepreneurial flair inside me since my teenage years when I would sell illegally downloaded albums to my friends (oops) and bought and sold DVDs on eBay.
But it wasn’t until five years ago that I actually decided to take the plunge and move into ‘full time self-employment’ with my own personal training business. Since then, I’ve made a living (just about) from a variety of ‘entrepreneurial endeavours’. And I loved the tag of ‘entrepreneur’ and being able to proudly say “I own my own business”.
I spent my youth fascinated with the Richard Bransons and Steve Jobs of this world, dreaming that I too could one day do even 0.1% of what they’ve done. Now, though, I’m just about ready to pack all this entrepreneurial bollocks in.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a “giving up because I can’t do it” sort of thing. I’m not disappearing off with my tail between my legs because everything got too hard and giving up on my dream. On the contrary, dear Watson!
The truth is that I fucking hate being an entrepreneur. The truth is that the last five years of my life have, professionally speaking, been a complete drain. The truth is that I got my dream wrong.
[Tweet "The truth is that I got my dream wrong..."]
Getting My Dream WrongThat may sound like a very weird thing to say. It’s probably more true that I misinterpreted my dream, as opposed to got it wrong.
But the crux of the matter is that I spent the last five years of my life pretending. Pretending to be an entrepreneur, a businessman and a ‘self-employed person’ who was chasing some business dream. And I pretended so well that I fooled myself.
When I really look at what it is I want to achieve and my life to be about, though, it’s not ‘business success’. I didn’t look up to Branson and Jobs growing up because of the companies they built. I looked up to them because they were living a life that meant something.
They didn’t necessarily follow the market and where the money was, per se. They followed their excitement and creativity and built some amazing businesses in the process.
I’m ashamed to say that many things I started over the past five years were because I believed they were a way I could make money, not because I was particularly excited about them. But no longer.
Shifting My Self IdentityI’ve wondered over the past five years why each business venture always seemed to somewhere along the line leave me with a melancholic deflation, regardless of its financial success or non-success.
Now, I know. It’s because I just plain don’t want to have any ‘business ventures’.
At heart, I just love creating things! Things that I want to create, not that I feel I should create. And things that aren’t judged by those three insufferable letters… R.O.I.
Yes, I’ve discovered that I’m not an entrepreneur. Nor do I care to be one. What kind of entrepreneur would find ROI insufferable? ROI is orgasm land for most entrepreneurs, at least in its traditional meaning.
No, I’m no entrepreneur. I’m an artist.
And your point is…?I know… an artist? I think my pretentious douchebag-ometer just blew a gasket!
Don’t worry though, I’ve not quite taken to going to spoken word clubs wearing a purple beret and sipping on Latvian goat’s milk espresso macchiatos. I’m still willing to drink a Foster’s out the can.
But what this realisation of self-identity means (for me, at least) is that I get to just focus on creating and sharing whatever the fuck I want. I get to write, talk about, build and learn stuff based on what I’m excited about. I get to enjoy myself again!
It may sound strange, but letting go of the entrepreneur tag is liberating!
[Tweet "It may sound strange, but letting go of the entrepreneur tag is liberating!"]
Back when I clung onto the idea of being an entrepreneur, not making money meant I was failing. Now, not expressing what I wanted to means I'm failing. Making money while suppressing my creative happiness means I'm failing.
Of course, making money isn’t a bad thing. We all need money to live and, in my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more of it.
It’s just now I don’t care how I make it. If it comes from a job or a business or whatever, it doesn’t matter. My entire identity, self-concept and sense of self-worth is no longer threatened by the idea of not being self-employed.
Yes, I’d like to make a living from sharing my creativity. And one day I will.
But being able to pay the bills while still having the time to express myself is much more appealing than being a miserable entrepreneur. At least, that’s what I think anyway.
[Tweet "Making money while suppressing my creative happiness means I'm failing"]
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This was such an interesting conversation I had with Dr Glenn Livingston.
Glenn is a veteran psychologist who now specialises in 'food psychology' and helping people overcome self-destructive habits and binge eating.
In fact, he's written a bestselling book on the subject called 'Never Binge Again', which came about after getting past his own demons with food and overeating.
But the principles of the book aren't just applicable to food and eating habits, they're very relevant to overcoming any kind of self-destructive behaviour.
So this is what we talked about on this week's podcast.
In The Episode, We Talk About... How Dr Glenn overcame his own battle with food addiction to master his eating habits. The anatomical parts of your brain it's key to understand to end self-destructive behaviour. The importance of understanding and appreciating 'delayed gratification'. How to deal with uncertainty, self-doubt and low self-esteem. How to construct a plan for success in anything that sits right with your own brain. A simple mind trick to deal with 'cravings' to do or eat things not in line with our goals. Why a happy life may NOT come through loving every part of yourself unconditionally. How to recover from a mistake like a badass and not get bogged down by it. The purpose of pain and how to use it to your advantage. Dealing with other people who hold you back from achieving what you want. Links NeverBingeAgain.com "Rational Recovery" by Jack TrimpeyThis was an awesome episode and one I really enjoyed making on such a fascinating subject, so I hope you love it as much as I loved making it!
You can give it a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
Mike -
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For me, the past couple of years have been about trying to just sort my fucking life out.
I've had various moments where I've just had to sit myself down and be honest about the results I'm seeing in my life (or lack of them).
And attempt to analyse what seems to be missing or imbalanced so I can move forward and do something about it.
Effectively, I've just been trying to workout what happiness looks like to me... and how to achieve it.
So in this episode, I just wanted to share my thoughts on this.
And explain the areas of life that I believe need to be balanced in order to feel happy.
In the Episode, I Talk About... Why being honest with ourselves is monumentally important to get out of feeling stuck and unhappy. How to stop making bullshit excuses to ourselves and step out of your comfort zone. My latest moment of 'self-honesty' and how it's resulted in me feeling much happier. The five areas I like to review and keep balanced in life. Why money isn't everything, but is still a necessary part to your happiness. How to add more meaning and purpose to your life without a sudden career shake up. My keys to combatting loneliness.You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
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This week, I'm delighted to welcome Joe Apfelbaum onto the show.
Joe is CEO of Ajax Union, a massively successful digital marketing agency based in New York and also runs his own blog, YouTube channel and podcast.
Right now, he's what most people would term as 'successful'. But it hasn't always been the CEO life for Joe.
In fact, his upcoming book, 'Average Joe to CEO', discusses the kind of shifts he made in order to step into success.
So that's what we talk about in today's episode.
In The Episode, We Talk About... The importance of being in control of your morning if you want to be happy and productive. Why it's vital to decipher your own 'blind spots' to move up to your next level. The key differences between declaring and committing. The three core limiting beliefs Joe says everyone must push past in order to achieve wild success. How to use 'improv' to improve your performance in all areas of life. Why relationships are at the heart of leading an awesome life. The importance of seeing relationships as transformational, as opposed to transactional. Links JoeApfelbaum.com Joe's Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn & Instagram AjaxUnion.comEnjoy the episode! You can give it a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
Mike -
What a privilege it was to have Danny Iny on the podcast this week.
Danny runs a company called Mirasee, where they help visionary businesses and entrepreneurs to make a huge impact through teaching and sharing huge value with their audience.
He's also the bestselling author of several books as well as the host of his own podcast, Business Reimagined.
But something close to Danny's heart (and a huge part of his business) is showing how entrepreneurs can become teachers and use education in order further their success and impact.
In fact, he's written a bestselling book on the subject called Teach & Grow Rich, which he's recently updated and will be releasing the second edition imminently.
So I wanted to talk to Danny about his story of how he stepped into being a teacher in his business and also talk about the book itself.
In the Episode, We Talk About... Danny's story of going from $250k in personal debt to living his dream life through teaching and inspiring others. How creating a different story around your 'failures' can prevent you from always holding yourself back. How to cope when everything seems to be going wrong in your life. Why teaching is a 'different kind of opportunity' and how to use it to make more impact in your life and business. Why it's so important to find your 'democratised access' when it comes to teaching. How to figure out your personal zone of genius that you can teach to others. The power of using 'education' in your business, as opposed to just information. What Danny sees as the three biggest reasons people stop themselves from succeeding when starting to teach others (and how to overcome them). Links TeachAndGrowRichBook.com (Use coupon code "EEBs" at checkout) Mirasee.comEnjoy the episode! You can give it a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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It's the final podcast of 2016, so I thought I would do some kind of 'review episode'.
I decided to simply come up with a list of five things that I learned over the year and kick back with a beer to just go through them all.
This was all done off the top of my head with just the five points as a rough guide, so excuse some of the mad rambling tangents I may go off in.
But I think what I share is pretty powerful nonetheless.
So kick back and listen to what I learned about myself, life, business and all kinds of other things in 2016.
In the Episode, I Talk About... The top five things I learned in 2016. How these five things can help you in 2017. Why it's important to just take action before you feel like you're ready. How my relationship with the word 'love' changed in 2016 and improved all areas of my life. The importance of serving yourself first. Getting past the feelings of not feeling worthy and not feeling good enough. And much more.You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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What a wonderful conversation I had with David Ralph here on the podcast this week.
He's one of those people who I feel like I just had a genuine connection with straightaway and could have gone on for a good while longer just chatting about all sorts of things.
David is the host of the rather popular Join Up Dots podcast where he's grown a pretty large following over the last few years and now teaches others to do the same.
But, as with many people, it's not always been smooth sailing. David didn't enter this whole 'online/podcasty/entrepreneurial' world until his mid-40s after climbing up the corporate ladder for many years.
So we talk about his story and how he discovered his 'superpower' to share with the rest of the world.
In The Episode, We Talk About... David's story of quitting his corporate boredom to discover something he was passionate about. The struggles David faced once he started his 'solo journey' (and how he overcame them). An exercise for finding out what your super power is and how you can harness it in your business or career. How to give yourself a 'motivation rocket'. Why it's vital to know what you're not good at. The good and the bad of being a 'hustler'. How to get over the fear of judgement. How to get yourself in a position where you can't wait to get back to work. Why following your own path is always the best way. The importance of getting clarity on and working towards your perfect day. Links JoinUpDots.com Join Up Dots on iTunes Check out David interviewing me on Join Up DotsEnjoy the episode! You can give it a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Just me, myself and I on the podcast this week as I have a ramble about becoming more disciplined.
I really feel like I've managed to become 'more disciplined' in my life over the past few months.
Strangely, however, it took me falling out of this discipline through a couple days of travelling and resulting jet lag last week for me to really see how disciplined I had become.
When I say 'disciplined', I don't mean it in a hard, military sort of way.
For me, being disciplined is simply about getting the shit done that you said you were going to do. Not using willpower to force yourself to do shit you don't want to do, but just following through on your plan.
And so I wanted to make today's podcast episode about everything I've noticed while doing this.
In The Episode, I Talk About... How I was stopping myself being disciplined in the past. Why the 'noise' in my life was stopping me moving forward. How to analyse your noise and get rid of noise that doesn't serve you. Why listening to advice and help from everyone is not a good idea. A process for making Facebook a nice place to be, instead of making you feel like crap. How to cut through all the shit others are telling you to do and form your own path towards achieving a goal. The simple way of building a daily/weekly/monthly action plan. The key elements of determining what makes a successful week for you. Why discipline comes through all areas of life. Links 62: Six Ways to Meditate Without MeditatingEnjoy the episode! You can give it a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Tom Corson-Knowles is a complete badass when it comes to helping authors and wannabe authors get their books out there.
And he's not just some dude with bits of useful information. He's got the credentials to back it up.
With several Amazon bestsellers of his own as well as coaching countless others to reach that feat, he's been there in the trenches and knows exactly what it takes to earn a living from book sales.
So it was absolutely fascinating to have him on the show this week.
If you've ever thought about maybe writing a book or have written one that you want to get out there in a bigger way, then this episode is an absolute must listen.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Tom's story of how he transitioned into entrepreneurship out of college and published his first book. The power of simply focussing on 'the next step', as opposed to getting too much into goals and visions. Why setting goals for amounts of money is not the way to go. The mindset behind getting your book written. The process of writing, publishing and marketing your own book. The truth about 'writer's block' and how to never have it again. How to switch between left and right brain during your writing process to get your book finished faster. Strategies for going 'Kindle only' as well as self-publishing a physical book. Why it's important to have a 'brand promise' with your book and how to do this for fiction and non-fiction. How to create a structure for creativity and an environment for writing.\ Some absolutely amazing tips and strategies for getting the most out of Amazon and launching your book (even if you have no audience or following). Links TCKPublishing.com The Publishing Profits Podcast eBookPublishingSchool.com Bookbub MyIdentifiers.com acx.com CreateSpace.comThis was such an epic interview and, as someone who loves writing and will be releasing a book at some point, one I personally found incredibly useful.
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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It's a podcast first this week for me as I welcome the first Norwegian guest onto the show. And what a wonderful conversation it was with the amazing man that is Peter Svenning.
Peter helps people and businesses develop leadership, connection and communication skills from a 'heart based' perspective.
In fact, his website tag line is "Leadership by Heart," which I love.
But he's not just some corporate dude who broke free and started his own leadership business.
Peter spent a large part of his younger years living a much more 'eastern lifestyle' as a monk and travelled the world while learning and teaching about the life principles he was discovering.
So it was extremely interesting to hear about his story and how he transitioned from the monastic life into being a very successful business owner by spreading his message.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Peter's story of going from living as a monk into successful, heart-based business owner. The biggest lessons Peter learned from his time as a monk that can be applied to 'everyday life'. How to create your own personal spiritual retreat. Peter's five simple steps to create deep relaxation at any time and place. The incredible power of meditating early in the day. How to achieve inner freedom. How to effectively communicate with people from the heart. The five steps to follow for establishing a deep connection with someone in any situation. How to get what you want out of situations without feeling guilty. And much more... Links Peter's website Get Peter's new book for just the price of postage: "Be Heard Now: The 5 Secrets of Effective Communication" "Mindfulness in 1-2-3" by Peter Svenning The Bhagavad GitaIt was amazing to speak with Peter and I hope you enjoy our conversation.
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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What a pleasure to have Jake Nawrocki from Operation Self Reset on the show this week.
Jake is someone who just a few years ago was on the verge of bankruptcy and almost lost everything.
But it was here in his lowest moment when he decided to share his journey and launch a podcast in an attempt to just help other people as he went along the path of trying to 'fix himself' and his life.
That podcast, Operation Self Reset, is one that I myself have listened to and been inspired by many times on my own journey.
So it was fantastic to get him on my show this week to talk about his journey and all things personal development and mindset related.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Jake's story of going from almost bankrupt to successful podcast host and coach and living a mega happy life. What Jake has learned from many years service as a firefighter. How to develop a mindset for dealing with criticism. Why the only real way you can quit is to quit on yourself (and how to not do this). The importance of regular self-reflection. How to develop a practice of gratitude. What a 'self reset' is and how to achieve your own to stay on track in your life. How to do a 'self reset slap'. How to build your confidence through self-love. Links OperationSelfReset.com Operation Self Reset on iTunes Navy Seal Michale Thornton episode on OSR Jake's free Start Your Reset workbook Jake's phone number: 414-550-4012You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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It was a real pleasure to talk to Kelly Roach on the podcast this week.
She's achieved a lot in her life and it's amazing to hear about what she believes are the principles to her success and happiness.
Whether it be her time as an NFL cheerleader, climbing to the top of the corporate ladder, starting a business or writing a book... Kelly believes there are several key principles that helped her.
And we talk about them in today's wonderful episode.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Kelly's story of going from NFL cheerleader, to corporate success, to successful business owner. How to really discover what you want in life. The keys to getting a business going on the side to a full time job. Why it's vital to not place blame outside of you. Why a subtle shift in how you see yourself can be vital to your success and happiness. How to stop taking failure as a personal attack. Why getting your 'inside aligned with your outside' is key for happiness. How to 'engineer your celebrity' online. Links Kelly's website Kelly's book Kelly's free "Engineer Your Celebrity" video Unstoppable Success PodcastYou can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Nick Snapp is a 'productivity guy'. But not in the usual way.
Yes, he helps with all the organisation, apps and tools you can use to get more shit done in less time.
But what I love about his approach is that he always starts with purpose.
Because you can have all the apps, systems and tools you can get your hands on, but if what your doing doesn't fill you up in some way or have some sort of purpose...
You will not be optimally productive!
So it was amazing to get Nick on the podcast this week and chat about taking a slightly different angle on the whole 'productivity world'.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Nick's story of breaking free from a stressful job + side business + family scenario and becoming a productivity master. Why it's so key to prioritise your most purposeful actions to become the most productive. An exercise for finding those purposeful actions that will bring you the greatest results. The importance to your own sanity of being willing to give up control. Why it is key to come up with agreements in your relationships when it comes to managing your time. How Nick utilises a weekly 'joint review' with his wife so he can be more productive and have an amazing relationship. Why it's important to drop the BS 'hustle, hustle, hustle' mentality. Nick's best tips, tricks and strategies for managing your time and systemising your actions. Links NickSnapp.com Nick's free productivity video Make It Snappy podcast "Will It Fly?" by Pat Flynn Evernote Slack aTimeLoggerYou can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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This was a great conversation I had with the wonderful Rob Dial.
Rob is someone who found huge levels of financial success at a young age, growing several multi-million dollar businesses in his 20s.
But he's also been hugely dedicated to his own personal growth from a young age, something he also helps many others with now through his MWF Motivation podcast.
So I really wanted to get into Rob's head and find out what makes him tick.
I wanted to know the mindset, the behaviours and the sheer way of being that enabled Rob to find that combination of financial success and happiness at such a young age.
And that's what we talked about in today's podcast.
In The Episode, We Talk About... How Rob dropped out of college and start helping to grow multi-million dollar businesses. How to extract passion and purpose from a seemingly 'bland' job or industry. Why getting a coach at the age of 19 was the best thing Rob ever did. The power of journaling, and how to get into it if you're struggling to make it a habit. Rob's key habits of successful people. How to set goals like a pro and make sure you achieve them. The power of seeing your life as a way to pursue personal growth. What Rob learned about life from having dinner with a billionaire. How being competitive with yourself is a key to success and happiness. Links "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen Rob's website MWF Motivation PodcastThis was a wonderful conversation, and one I hope you love listening to.
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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I’ve often referred to ‘that douchebag in your head’ in various blogs, Facebook posts and podcasts.
What I’m referring to here is, essentially, the voices in our heads that continually chatter to us about everything that’s negative in our individual worlds. Why we can’t do this and shouldn’t do that.
There have been times in my life where I’ve been absolutely crippled with all this stuff. Listening to this douchebag, believing every word he says and allowing him to keep me stuck.
I would try to keep going. And listen to all the YouTube talking heads telling me that strong people just “hustle harder” and “never give up”.
But I’d always seem to find a way to sabotage everything and maintain my ‘stuckness’ and unhappiness.
Identifying the DouchebagsThings didn’t start to change until I actually fronted up and looked at what was going on in my head.
There were so many voices saying so many things about what I should and shouldn’t do and tying me up in a world of confusion that saw me just completely frozen.
From dealing with this myself and talking to many others about it, I’ve found there are a few ‘common’ douchebags in our heads. Ones that show up time and time again saying the same things for many of us. In essence, we all seem to have several ‘douchebags in common’.
So in this post I just wanted to identify these and talk through some ways both I and people I’ve helped have dealt with them.
#1 The “Not Good Enough” DoucheI’m not sure there’s anyone out there who hasn’t thought this at least once in their life. But it’s all too common to have this douchebag continually running around screaming this in your ear.
Where it leaves us is in a constant state of putting stuff off into the future. Because in the future we will be good enough at some point. Only, that point never seems to arrive.
We just continually keep loading ourselves up with degrees, qualifications, experience and fiddling around procrastinating with anything we possibly can in order to justify delaying doing ‘the thing’ we really want to do or be the person we really want to be.
This thought also brings about somewhat of a nonsensical situation. We feel like we’re ‘not good enough’. But then this begs the question… Not good enough for what? Success? Happiness? Love?
Really? We’ve all been through varying amounts of various ‘stuff’ in our lives. But I guarantee you are good enough to receive any and all of the success, happiness and love we desire.
Otherwise, when will you be ‘good enough’? How will you know when you are? It’s like running a marathon to find that some fuckwit forgot to paint the finish line. So you just go on some epic Forrest Gump style run hoping that one day someone will come along and paint that finish line for you.
Tying it to Self-WorthBut it all comes back to and is rooted in our self-worth. Or, more specifically, how we tend to measure our self-worth.
For me, the mistake we make is tying our idea of self-worth into our performance and the results we see in our life.
If everything isn’t perfect and we aren’t performing better and better and better each day in any and all areas of our life, then many of us ultimately come to the conclusion that we are not worthy. That we are not good enough because we didn’t achieve ‘this goal’ or beat ‘that person’.
And it leaves us in a position of continually needing to justify our own worthiness to ourselves by beating others and winning and being the best. Then, if we don’t see this in our lives, we just assume we ‘aren’t good enough’. We don’t see evidence of us ‘winning at life’ and so assume we aren’t worthy of winning, or maybe even existing at all.
We’re told growing up that you must do well in school. You must pass your exams. Go to university and/or get a ‘good’ job. Progress in that job.
It’s ingrained into us, inadvertently I might add, by society that we must achieve to be worthy of being a respectable and upstanding member of the human race. So we chase and chase in a desperation for satisfying that desire to be worthy.
The ‘fix’, if you will, comes with the awareness that our self-worth does not have to be tied to our performance if we don’t want it to. Just the very fact we exist and that each individual is having this experience we call life is exactly what is required for each one of us to be worthy and ‘enough’ for success, happiness, love and whatever else we desire.
Your existence is proof that you are worthy of existing. And existing is simply an opportunity to cultivate our desires.
#2 The Comparison DoucheThis is another common one that I and so many others I know have experienced. The dreaded voice that causes us to become obsessed with needing to get ahead and be better than everyone.
I suppose, in that respect, it ties into the previous point quite well.
I call this whole thing the ‘leadership game’. Playing this game that causes us to constantly look around and compare what we’re doing to everyone else in our life, job, career, industry, business, family, social circle and whatever else.
Of course, some might say this is healthy. It’s where competition comes from. And competition drives us to provide ‘better’ services, be ‘better’ people, perform ‘better’ at work and live ‘better’ lives.
But it also creates potential for two different kinds of people.
Either we get the person who becomes obsessed with winning. They must win at all costs and will literally step all over anyone else in their way in order to get there. Think Gordon Gekko (or a watered down version of him).
Or we get the person who just becomes deflated by it all. They compare what they’re doing in their lives to the people around them and end up frozen and unable to move for fear of it all being wrong or not believing their ability to climb over the next person.
Whichever way we go, I would argue it’s not the most optimal way of thinking if we want to create a big old bag of zen-like inner peace and happiness in our lives.
All that ends up happening is we concentrate on what everyone else is doing. We fight to stay ahead of the pack. We desire (maybe even secretly) to keep up with the Joneses. And we only feel successful and content if we get to the front of this fictional game we’ve created in our minds.
Playing a Game of OneA huge issue with this way of thinking is… when does it end? At what point are we actually going to turn around and accept that we’ve made it to ‘the front’ or ‘the top’ and everything is now groovy?
Truth is, this place we’re all striving to get to is so murky and unclear that we probably wouldn’t be able to recognise it even if we did somehow get there. And then we would be so wrapped up in fear of losing that place that we probably wouldn’t allow ourselves to enjoy it anyway.
It’s all very exhausting.
What I would suggest is that we start playing a game all by ourselves. A game of just one… YOU!
No “I need to get the top or it’s not worth it” or “he/she is better than me so there’s no point”. Just full on refusing to even walk out onto the playing field and play this pointless game with everyone else.
As I write this, it’s generally accepted that either Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo are the best football (soccer) players in the world. Does that mean every other footballer looks at these two and just doesn’t try because they can’t get to their level? No, of course not. They’re just as worthy of extracting all the success, happiness and joy from the game as them.
So just head out there and play a game of your own. With your own rules. And one that serves your own happiness and peace of mind without having to compare everything you do to everybody else around you.
#3 The Judgement DoucheYes, this is that douche in your head that always worries about what people will think of you.
I’ve talked about this whole ‘judgement thing’ a lot recently. But it’s such a big player when it comes to freeing ourselves to live life the way we want.
First of all, however, it’s important to understand what’s actually going on here.
Most people think that they’re fearful of receiving judgement on their actions, behaviours or whatever else. A common phrase might be “don’t judge me” or “are you going to judge me if…?”
But when we actually look closer, it’s not the judgement itself that we’re fearful of. It’s simply not getting the judgement we don’t want.
Truth is, we, as humans, are sort of liking ‘judging machines’. We can’t help but judge each other on who we each are and how we behave. And that judgement can result in what we would term ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ reactions.
So, in actual fact, it’s not the act of receiving judgement itself that we’re worried about or fearful of. It’s simply not receiving the judgement we want that’s really at play here.
What Does This Mean Though?Right now you may be thinking about how that’s kind of interesting to know or realise. But what’s the point? What difference does understanding this subtle variance make to anything?
But by coming to this realisation, it enabled me to see how somebody else’s judgement of me actually doesn’t have anything to do with me. It’s to do with them.
When we stop focussing on getting people to either judge us positively or not at all and accept that we will be judged, it can take a bit of the load off.
It’s much clearer to see that everyone else is free to judge based on their own experiences, values and backgrounds. And that any judgement we do receive belongs to the other person and not us.
It’s theirs, not ours. And we’re free to be, do and act in the way we truly desire without the need to focus so much on what everyone will think.
So these are just a few of the mina players when it comes to the ‘douchebags in our head’ that hold us back.
Of course, there are probably much more that various different people get.
But these are what I’ve found to be three of the most common. And I hope discussing them here helped you.
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This conversation I had with Cliff Wilde was, to put it simply, amazing.
Together with his lovely wife, Marta, Cliff owns and runs a coaching company called 'Unlimited Life Project'.
In fact, I'm going through some incredible coaching with them myself. So it was an amazing experience to get Cliff onto the show.
Within Unlimited Life Project, Cliff teaches about the mind, body, emotions, soul (and whatever you want to call it) at a very high level.
Make no mistake, though, he has not just floated into this way of being easily.
He suffered a monumental series of physical illnesses that started at just 18 months old and continued through until adult life.
And it was all the skills, knowledge and experience he gained from finally healing himself that started him on the path to creating the life he has now. An 'unlimited life'.
We talk about so much in this episode, so I HIGHLY recommend you take a listen.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Cliff's incredible story of overcoming monumental health problems to creating a thriving business and living an amazing life. Why trying to numb pain in our life leads to us numbing everything. How to become 'obsessed with the process' yet 'detached from the outcome'. The key to bringing all your desires in life to fruition. How everything can shift dramatically when we accept life happens for us, not to us. What 'overwhelm' really is and how to deal with it. The importance of assessing whether we're coming from a place of fear or love/faith. How to address the epidemic of people not feeling good enough or worthy of success and happiness. The non-bullshit way of achieving an 'abundance mindset' and conquering our money beliefs. Why it's vital we take full, 100% responsibility for our current reality. Why self-sacrifice always leads to resentment (and what to do about it). Links 'Unlimited Life Project' Free Facebook Group Cliff's FacebookIn truth, there's much, much more than that list of bullets in the episode and it is one of my favourite conversations so far.
So I would definitely check it out :)
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Wow! What a conversation this was with Perpetua Neo.
For a good while now I've been wanting to get an actual 'mind doctor' on the show. And Perpetua did not disappoint!
She's a clinical psychotherapist and coach who's attended University College London as well as Univeristy of Cambridge. So, in other words, Perpetua knows her shit.
But it's not been a perfect mental health road that you might expect for a psychotherapist.
While she was studying, Perpetua started experiencing debilitating panic attacks that caused her to doubt whether she was cut out to work in the psychology world.
So we talk about her story through this.
As well as a whole host of other things mind and brain related, including one of my favourite subjects... depression (I feel weird saying that's a favourite subject of mine).
In The Episode, We Talk About... Perpetua's story of recovering from panic attacks while studying to work in psychology. Where panic attacks and anxiety stems from (and how to find your root). The importance of understanding the 'spotlight effect' for achieving inner peace. How to stop feeling like you are a useless failure all the time. Depression, where it comes from and how to deal with it. Why depression is more about emptiness, not sadness. High functioning depression and why it's ok to be depressed, even when you feel like you shouldn't be. How to let go of keeping hold of depression as a part of your identity. Listen to me also get a little bit of coaching on the call too! Links PerpetuaNeo.com Contact Perpetua How to Meditate for Beginners (3 minute meditation) "We Need to Stop Shaming Entrepreneurs for Investing in Themselves" (Perpetua's Huff Po article)It was lovely talking to Perpetua and I probably could have gone on for several hours more.
So I hope you enjoy listening in on the conversation.
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Goal setting is something I’ve always reluctantly done yet secretly hated.
Why? Because I do it like I’m ‘supposed to’ while secretly feeling like I know nothing, or at least very little, is ever going to materialise.
Every New Year, new quarter, birthday or any other significant time, I seem to get the urge to set some kind of goal. I see a Facebook post or YouTube video about goals and guilt myself into seeing the need to set them. As if this time I’m going to somehow follow through on everything.
Whether it be in business, relationships, general life stuff or even in health and fitness (I know, awesome for a former personal trainer, right?), I always seem to get some kind of motivational uplifting wind for a few days or weeks that then comes crashing back down to earth pretty soon.
Don’t get me wrong, obviously I have achieved some of the goals I’ve set myself. I’m not a complete spanner. If I hadn’t, then I would never have launched any kind of business, the podcast, the Facebook group or this website. Hell, I would still be crawling around on my hands and knees because I wouldn’t have achieved the goal of learning to walk!
It’s just, the usual way of setting goals, with all the boring SMART stuff, it doesn’t really interest or excite me. If it works for you then great! But I’m calling bullshit on the belief that the world will implode if we haven’t set any SMART goals.
In fact, I’m going to do more than call bullshit and suggest there is a much better way of attacking this whole goal setting concept. So in this post I just want to go through five things I’ve learned and like to remember when setting goals:
#1 There’s a Problem with ‘Realistic’I suppose the largest issue I have with the whole SMART thing is that fourth letter – realistic.
Yes, we’ve all seen the Will Smith video where he talks about the whole ‘realistic’ thing. If not, I’m sure you’ve seen something along similar lines. And I’m not simply going to fill this space with ball-tickling stuff about reaching for the stars.
But, rather, to just be aware of what the R in SMART is conditioning us to think like. Just its presence sort of gets us to reconsider what we really want and implies that we need to re-think our initial desires. In short, it suggests that we compromise on our dreams.
After all, isn’t the whole point of a goal to stretch ourselves and to take us into experiencing a new way of being? Not to simply stay almost stagnant and bore ourselves to death with what is ‘realistic’.
Having the smaller, less exciting goals in place may well still be needed. For example, eating three healthy meals a day and doing this or that for your business.
But, at the same time, hold onto the ‘unrealistic’, big, fucking wow goal(s) you have. Don’t hold them back. And declare them confidently without fear of ridicule.
Maybe, deep down, you don’t truly believe these big ones are possible yet. But simply removing the idea that they’re impossible is a monumental start.
#2 Desire, Don’t RequireSomething else I’ve noticed from personal experience about our mindset when it comes to goal setting is how we seem to require that they be achieved.
By this I mean that we attach our happiness, our self-worth and our entire identity into achieving a certain goal. We feel like we desperately need to achieve that goal or risk being deemed unfit for society and exiled to some far off corner of the world as life as we know it comes crashing down around us.
Of course, this isn’t true. And, when we think logically, we know this isn’t true.
Desiring that a goal be achieved is one thing. Wanting to grow and achieve and experience new and ‘better’ things in our lives is perfectly healthy and natural.
But requiring it? Needing it to happen and attaching all of our happiness on the outcome? I would suggest maybe that’s not the healthiest way of thinking.
It takes us away from appreciating what’s in our lives right now. We start looking around and seeing everything that’s shit, validating the need to achieve said goal(s) and banking our hopes on doing so making everything not so shit at some point in the future.
Then, even if that goal is achieved, we start thinking how much better life would be if we achieved the next one. So we start looking at this next goal and going round in a vicious circle of self-shittery.
Every goal is a search for a feeling. We don’t want a million £/$/€ in the bank, we want the feeling of security and freedom (or whatever else) we think that will bring. We don’t want to be a certain body weight, we want the feeling of confidence and self-love (or whatever else) we think this will bring.
So when looking to achieve a goal allow yourself the time and space to feel the feeling you wanted to feel… NOW! Not delaying it until achieving the ‘next goal’.
#3 Does the Process Excite You?When I was a personal trainer, I obviously had goals for my business.
I wanted to have my own studio that was the hub for real, holistic health in my local area. It wasn’t going to pander to diets or the whole negative body image shizzle going on in the media. Just promote and teach real, all-over health for people in my local area.
I was going to have trainers and coaches working underneath me, a manager to manage the facility and I would be the owner who didn’t need to be there training people at all hours of the day like I had been doing as a personal trainer.
Even as I write this and bring this idea back into my head now, it excites me. I’m still passionate about holistic health and the thought of having a business like this does ‘get my juices going’, so to speak.
The problem that existed, however, back when I tried to do this (and would still exist if I were to try again now) is that the dream sounded awesome, but the process didn’t excite me. In fact, the process down right bored and frustrated the pants off me.
In order to build this studio business, I needed clients and customers (duh!). Yet writing exercise programmes, training people in the gym at all hours of the day and doing all the niggly things that a brick and mortar business requires just did not float my boat.
Add on top of this all the marketing and sales stuff and you’ve just described my business/career hell. And I wanted to somehow build my dream business on this foundation!
Maybe some of the business coaches out there will tell me how I could have switched things up, delegated, systemised, etc. But I just couldn’t extract very much joy from that business at all.
My point here is that the ‘end goal’, the dream or the vision for what you someday might create could be amazing. It could light your fire, float your boat, bake your pie ( :/ ) and butter your bread all in one go and at the same time.
But how does the process look? What’s the journey like? What would you have to do on a regular basis in order to get there?
Happiness is in the journey, not the destination. So setting goals that sound awesome, but require us to run through hell will usually end up in frustration and giving up on them at some point.
My philosophy now when it comes to any goal is to, first of all, ask myself… is the juice worth the squeeze?
#4 Measure Success BackwardsAgain, becoming aware to this concept was huge for me with regards to goal setting.
It’s very easy to set goals and become discouraged pretty soon into any attempts at achieving them. Even when something positive would happen and a little goal was achieved, I would look at the bigger picture and frustrate myself because of how far I was from the ‘big goal’.
For example, say you’ve been moving for a few months towards a goal of setting up a business turning £100k a year. Or that you need to lose 100lbs in weight to get to your ‘ideal’.
It’s very easy to get into our own heads in situations like this and start feeling bad about how far we’ve got to go. Maybe you’re only making £20k a year or you see how much weight you’ve got to go and get discouraged. You look at all the other people much closer to their ideal weight or £100k and just feel like you’re not good enough.
For some of us, it’s enough to activate that douchebag in our head again and get us feeling like total losers and that there’s no point carrying on. The goal is too far away, everyone else is better and it will take too long to get there, so there’s no point. Just crack out the Dorito’s and let’s have a Breaking Bad marathon.
But this, in my opinion, comes because we’ve decided to measure our success forwards. We look at how close or far we are to the ‘end goal’ and judge our success by that. If we’re ‘too far’ away, then we deem ourselves failures.
Measuring success backwards, however, is very powerful when it comes to preventing us falling into the Doritos/Breaking Bad trap. This way, we look back on what we’ve achieved over the past.
Maybe you’re only at £20k in pursuit of your £100k, or you have another 100lbs to lose. But where were you a week ago? A month ago? A year ago? It’s possible that a year ago you were homeless and living out of your car. Or a year ago you had no desire to lose weight and was on your way to having to lose 200lbs instead!
Of course, having that goal in the future is important. I’m not saying just remove all future goal setting and continually look back on your past. Use that goal, that vision, as something that inspires you and keeps you focussed on the actions and behaviours to take right now.
But measure the success you have by how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.
#5 Include Regular Self-ReviewMan, oh man! Is this something that was hugely missing from my goal setting and ‘success path’ procedures.
Believe it or not, I’ve only very, very recently included this as part of my weekly habits. It seems so simple and obvious, but I never thought about it previously.
In the past, when it came to goal setting, I would set the goal, work out what I had to do, put a plan together and take action. Sound logical, right? And it is! It’s a pretty good way of achieving a goal.
I’d get a wind of motivation and keep going for a few weeks, sometimes a couple months, only to get frustrated or bored if something wasn’t working. I’d get major pissed off, have an adult-style tantrum and completely shift direction in the hope that this next thing would be the ‘magic bullet’ to make everything in my life amazing.
The critical thing that was missing here was a process of self-review. A regular meeting with myself where I look over what I’ve done, not done, what’s worked, what’s not worked, what to celebrate, what to stick with, what to drop and whether there’s room for anything else that could be useful moving forward.
The magical thing about this is the ‘brain’ we’re operating in. How I used to do it was to keep going until I built up enough frustration and self-doubt that it all exploded over the sides and I’d come to a complete halt. It’s all coming from a subconscious, emotional and reactionary perspective.
A regular self-review process, however, comes from a proactive, logical and conscious perspective. It’s sitting down and taking time to critically analyse our steps forward.
In short, it puts ME in control. The urge to chase those ‘shiny objects’ like some fucking moronic magpie severely decreases. And I no longer feel like I’m missing out if I don’t do all the courses, read all the books and do all the things everyone on the interwebs is telling me I must do.
I’m starting to do this self-review process weekly. So every Monday morning I basically just analyse the previous week and work out what should be included in this week’s action plan.
I told you it was simple and obvious!
Listen to the audio version of this article via the player at the top of the page, or by subscribing to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.
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This was a great conversation I had with Tim JP Collins all about anxiety.
A few years ago, Tim was a guy who'd done fantastically well in his career, yet lived with a secret case of crippling anxiety and panic attacks.
In fact, they were so bad that they almost wrecked his career, relationships and entire life.
Despite being offered medication, Tim finally got to the route cause and solved his anxiety issues naturally.
Now, he's left that high level job and shares his anxiety story on his own podcast and coaches others on dealing with this sometimes debilitating mental illness.
So it was amazing to talk about this on today's show.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Tim's story of being crippled with panic attacks and anxiety to becoming a coach helping others get through similar issues. Why Tim's 'deferred life plan' of working for retirement helped bring on anxiety. Why alignment to yourself and your values is key for overcoming anxiety. How to find the route cause of anxiety and inner struggle. The importance of community vs. isolation. How food and lifestyle can be huge for anxiety and mental health sufferers. The often taboo, yet vitally important, gluten and autoimmune aspect to mental health. Why speaking YOUR truth is so vital. Why your story doesn't need to be perfect (and probably never will be). Links "The Autoimmune Fix" by Dr. Tom O'Bryan Tim's website The Anxiety Podcast Tim's FacebookLoved this conversation with Tim, and I hope you love listening to it!
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
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Boy was it an honour to have Derek Rydall on the podcast today.
His story (and the way he tells it) is truly inspiring, intriguing and down right incredible.
Just a few years ago, Derek was a struggling actor who almost died... twice. The first time at his own hands with alcohol, and the second while going snorkeling and getting trapped in coral.
In fact, this second time there was a moment he just plain gave up. But in that moment, he had an epiphany about life and was never the same again.
This started him on a huge path of self-discovery that led him to writing an amazing book, Emergence: Seven Steps for Radical Life Change.
And this is what we talk about on today's show.
In The Episode, We Talk About... Derek's story of twice being on the brink of death, and what he learned from it. How valuable it is to have your ego ripped away. The importance of surrendering. How to truly appreciate that you are already living your dream. Bringing you to your environment. Why you get to decide your inner state, not your results or your environment. How to use the 'Law of Emergence'. The seven steps to radically changing your life Derek talks about in his book. Why the whole concept of 'self-improvement' is bullshit. Links "Emergence: Seven Steps for Radical Life Change" by Derek Rydall LawOfEmergence.com MyEmergenceBook.com Derek's website ConfuciusI seriously could have gone on talking to Derek for a good while longer. Maybe I'll have him back on the podcast again one day to go deeper on a few topics.
You can give the episode a listen via the player above.
Or head over to iTunes and subscribe there for Apple lovers, and over on Stitcher for non-Apple peeps.
Love, Laughter & Light,
MikeP.S. If you haven’t done so already, click here to join my Facebook group and engage with all the other dudes and dudettes in the Enlightened Entrepreneurial Badasses tribe!
