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This week I decided to re-release an episode from April 2023 when Duane and I interviewed Ted Bunch, the COO and co-Founder of A Call to Men.
Recently Helping Couples Heal has been focusing a great deal of attention on the topic of male socialization and male sexual entitlement. This interview with Ted provides an opportunity to further the conversation and facilitate a deep dive into the unhealthy psychology that fuels sex addiction and betrayal.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks about the importance of consistency in healing from betrayal. Marnie candidly and directly guides both betrayed partners and betrayers to develop an understanding of what consistently means in the context of betrayal and how the role consistently plays in helping couples heal.
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In our last episode, Marnie talked about how to move forward after betrayal with a partner who refuses to provide safety, reassurance, consistency and active participation in the healing process. In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Ilyse continue the conversation, this time turning the focus to the betraying partner. Just as the betrayed partner has important life altering decisions to make, so does the person who caused the relational destruction. These decisions must be navigated in the spirit of a fierce commitment to truth and reality, both elements which were non-existent for the betrayed partner prior to discovery.
While both partners have difficult decisions to make in the aftermath of betrayal, the discussion of the betraying partner in this context is often neglected or dismissed. In this candid discussion, Marnie and Ilyse explore some hard questions including how can the betrayer even consider leaving a relationship after years of betrayal and deception and under what circumstances could it be the kindest and most honoring of the betrayed partner to make the decision to leave.
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The Unchangeable Truth: We Can't Change Others
In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks about the pain and confusion that arises for couples when one partner is not doing the work to heal. She gently and compassionately addresses the hard truth that nobody can force another person to do recovery work, demonstrate empathy, tell the truth, change and/or heal. Using the metaphor of a bridge, we will explore the frustration and grief that accompanies the healing process, specifically when one partner isn't willing or able to cross the bridge together.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks to HCH coaches Susan and Scott Rankin, a husband and wife with their own story of relational betrayal and healing. Susan and Scott vulnerably share their journey of healing and rebuilding their relationship and open up about the painful impact the addiction had on their lives and their relationship and the path that led them back to themselves and each other.
Listeners will hear about the pivotal moments in their recovery journey, including the decision to seek therapy, the role of honesty and vulnerability, and the long, challenging process of rebuilding trust. Susan and Scott share the tools and resources that helped them, the support systems they leaned on, and the personal growth they each experienced.
This episode offers a powerful message of hope for anyone facing similar challenges, highlighting the possibility of healing and resilience even after the deepest wounds. Whether you're dealing with betrayal in your own life or simply seeking to understand the complexities of addiction and recovery in relationships, this conversation provides valuable insights and inspiration.
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In this deeply personal and eye-opening episode, Marnie sits down with "Jess", who bravely shares her experience with pornography addiction. Jess discusses the roots of her addiction, the emotional and psychological impact it had on her life, and the challenges she faced in seeking help.
She opens up about the stigma surrounding female pornography addiction and the misconceptions that often prevent women from seeking the support they need.
Through her story, Jess sheds light on the recovery process, the strategies that helped her heal from pornography and sex addiction and the importance of self-compassion and community support.
This episode aims to break the silence on a taboo topic, offering hope and encouragement to others who may be struggling with similar issues. Join us for a candid and inspiring conversation that demonstrates the power of vulnerability and the possibility of healing.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks with her friend, colleague and author of the Complex Partner Trauma magazine, Hope Ray, about integrity abuse and betrayal violence. With compassion, Marnie and Hope have a brutally honest conversation about the power and control dynamics present in relationships where betrayal has occurred.
Recognizing and acknowledging abusive behaviors, especially those tied to deceptive sexuality, is a challenging but crucial step toward healing. It requires a deep level of self-awareness and honesty, as well as a willingness to confront difficult truths about one's actions and their impact on others. This process can be painful but is essential for personal growth and the restoration of trust and relationships.
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In this episode of the helping couples heal podcast, Marnie speaks with Ilyse craft, Joni ogle and Stephanie roman about the complexity of finances and more specifically, in the aftermath of betrayal.
Navigating financial fears can be daunting, especially after betrayal. It's common to feel avoidant, but it's crucial to face these issues head-on to make informed decisions and move forward. There are options and plenty of support available to help you through this.
Our own issues and fears about money can often be what keep us feeling stuck.
Developing financial confidence is key to effectively handling financial matters.
Resources for the podcast notes and/or to reference
TOP PODCASTS
Money Girl with Laura Adams
Click here for Money Girl podcast
HerMoney with Jean Chatzky
Click here for HerMoney podcast
Her Honest Money Talk
Click here for Her Honest Money Talk podcast
Women & Money with Suze Orman
Click here for Women & Money podcast
The Ramsey Show
odcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ramsey-show/id77001367
BOOK RESOURCES
Smart Women Finish Rich - David Bach
Rich Dad, Poor Dad Robert T. Kiyosaki
The Richest Man in Babylon - George S. Clason.
I Will Teach You to Be Rich: No Guilt. No Excuses. No BS. Just a 6-Week Program That Works -Ramit Sethi
Women with Money” The Judgment -Free Guide to Transforming your Relationship with Monday and Achieving Financial Independence - Vivi Robin and Joe Dominguez
Joni Ogle - Heights Treatment, Houston Texas
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks with HCH President and betrayal trauma coach Ilyse Craft about the complexities partners face after experiencing betrayal, specifically the decision of whether to stay or leave their relationship.
Finding clarity about the future of a relationship traumatized by betrayal involves navigating a spectrum of emotions, from hurt and anger to confusion and doubt. Factors such as the history of the relationship, finances, the extent of the betrayal and the presence of children further complicate this decision-making process.
Each individual must weigh their emotional well-being against practical considerations, often seeking clarity over time as they contemplate the impact on their future and that of their family. This episode explores these multifaceted dynamics, shedding light on the complexities that partners face when grappling with the aftermath of betrayal.
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In their final podcast episode together, Marnie and Duane talk about men and shame in the context of healing relationships after betrayal.
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In this special edition of the Helping Couples Heal podcast we are sharing Marnie's segment with Dr. Jake Porter at the Choose Connection Summit, discussing the loss of memories resulting from betrayal and integrity abuse.
If you're facing the trauma and impact of betrayal, you will likely relate to what you'll hear. Take a listen to how the grief and loss is described by both the betrayed and the betrayer and the difference between their experience.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks with Ilyse Craft, Certified Transformational Coach, about the "A" word that many betrayers seek to avoid.
Marnie and Ilyse dive deep into integrity abuse through the lens of deceptive and compartmentalized sexuality. Using the metaphor of the "secret sexual basement", they turn the spotlight on the word that nobody wants to say (or hear) because developing a language based in truth and creating a shared narrative is necessary for couples to heal. Accepting and naming the integrity abuse inherent in sexual betrayal is profoundly helpful for both betrayers and betrayed partners.
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In this special edition of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie talks with Stan about the original episode they recorded back in 2021 and explore why that episode was so popular with our listeners. Their conversation is followed by the re-release of the original episode.
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In this episode of Helping Couples Heal, Marnie talks with award-winning actress Maddie Corman about her journey of healing from betrayal trauma in the aftermath of discovering her husband's secret life.
In 2015, life as Maddie knew it came to a screeching halt when the police came to her home to arrest her husband. In an instant everything changed and her life as she knew shattered in a very public and shocking way.
With raw vulnerability, Maddie shares with us how the biggest trauma of her life led to transformation, hope and healing.
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In this episode of Helping Couples Heal, Marnie interviews Chris Jones, a coach and therapist who shares his own story of healing from problematic sexual behavior. Chris opens up about his own process, what he has learned and what was the prominent factor that caused his wife to never doubt his commitment to recovery.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane talk about the losses that result from betrayal and the grieving process couples must walk through together as an important part of relational healing. When couples are able to do the hard work of grieving together, they create the shared narrative necessary to envision a future for their relationship.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane discuss setting goals and intentions for the new year and the difficulty that might arise in the process when thinking about and planning for the future for couples trying to heal their relationship after betrayal.
Our intention for all of our listeners as you begin the new year is healing and peace.
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie and Duane talk with Jake Porter of Daring Ventures about trauma, addiction, secure attachment, grief and loss, and how to reconstruct a relationship that has been traumatized by betrayal. We discuss how couples can create new meaning in their relationships after betrayal and the importance of working together to develop a shared collaborative narrative of their history.
We also explore the steps and tools necessary to help couples heal and explain why it is so important for the person who has committed the betrayal to become a part of the healing process even though they are the person who is responsible for the hurting.
Please use this link to purchase Making Saves as referred in the podcast. Use the coupon code "helpingcouplesheal" for a 50 percent discount.
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In the face of betrayal, healing may seem like an impossible task for male partners.
Male betrayed partners are often overlooked in the treatment of betrayal trauma. In this episode, Marnie and Duane address the challenges that male betrayed partners face in the aftermath of betrayal and emphasize the need for support in their healing process.
Men are often taught to be strong and emotionally stoic, making it difficult to seek help when they experience betrayal. The void of resources specifically for men reinforces this.
You're not alone in your pain. We see you, we hear you, and we are creating resources and support specifically for male betrayed partners.
- Marnie Breecker
While female betrayed partners, in general, have gained much more attention and resources in the last decade, men often continue to be overlooked. This podcast episode addresses the need to create safe spaces where men can express their hurt without judgment. We provide valuable insights about how the socialization of men discourages asking for help and acknowledging their pain and emphasize that acknowledging the hurt is the first crucial step toward healing.
To all the betrayed men listening, we want you to know that we recognize that your voices need to be heard, your pain acknowledged and specific resources and support dedicated to your healing.
We all deserve to heal, regardless of gender.
Betrayal does not come in one gender. When we are betrayed by the person we love the most, it does not matter what your external life is like. What you have lost is what matters.
- Duane Osterlind
The critical moments in this episode are:
00:01:27 - Differences between male and female betrayed partners,
00:03:59 - Male betrayed partners as an underserved population,
00:07:03 - Shame and stigma faced by male betrayed partners,
00:09:01 - Delayed response of male betrayed partners,
00:15:13 - Importance of Trust
Find out more about our couples workshop.
https://helpingcouplesheal.com/workshop/
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In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, hosts Marnie Breecker and Duane Osterlind emphasize the importance of adopting a restorative justice model when healing a relationship after betrayal.
They advocate for moving away from a punitive mindset and instead focusing on healing, repairing the harm caused, and fostering understanding.
The hosts address common misconceptions, such as the idea that showing compassion to the betraying partner neglects or disrespects the betrayed partner. They stress that the restorative approach respects the humanity of everyone involved and allows for accountability and meaningful repair.
By embracing this model, couples can work towards true healing and wholeness in their relationships, both in the short term and for a lifetime.
The hosts highlight that the restorative justice model has been proven effective in reducing the likelihood of reoffending and increasing recovery and success rates in healing.
They invite listeners to consider this approach and reassure them of their dedication to supporting individuals on their healing journey.
Find out more about our workshop.
https://helpingcouplesheal.com/workshop/
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