エピソード
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𝐌𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦.
We're taught to "man up" and handle everything alone.
When we struggle, we don't reach out. When friends share problems, we jump straight to solutions.
We think asking for help is weakness. We think giving advice is helping.
But here's what we miss: We never build emotional safety nets.
Women often do this instinctively. They listen first. They create space. They support before they solve.
The result? Deeper friendships. Stronger teams. And, as research shows, better leadership outcomes.
The best male leaders I know have learned this. They know that sometimes, people don't need your solution. They just need to feel understood.
Men: Try this. Next time someone shares a challenge, don't jump to advice. Ask: "How did that feel?" or "Tell me more."
It's time to redefine masculinity.
🎙️ I explore this with Andrew Reiner in the latest How to Live episode. Andrew wrote the bestselling Better Boys, Better Men and writes on masculinity for The New York Times. We discuss male friendships, emotional support, and why redefining strength might unlock better leadership and deeper relationships.
Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/097-redefining-masculinity-with-andrew-reiner
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Be interested, not interesting.
𝐈𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.
Most high performers approach networking like a performance.
Say something clever. Be impressive. Stand out.
But being interesting takes energy. It puts pressure on you.
And it often keeps things at the surface.
There's a better way: Be interested instead.
Ask thoughtful questions. Listen deeply.
Let others do what they love most - talk about themselves.
It's lighter. It's more human.
And it builds real trust. The kind that leads to long-term relationships, not short-term transactions.
🎙️ This shift from performing to connecting is exactly what Ryan Lim, and I dive into in the latest How to Live episode. Ryan's the bestselling author of The Business of Networking, No 1 on Strait Times, and he shares why introverts often make the best networkers, and why curiosity is your greatest tool.
Buy Ryan's Book here - https://singapore.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789819423323
Get the first chapter free - https://bit.ly/BizNetworkChp1
Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/096-networking-that-actually-feels-good-with-ryan-lim
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Most people stay stuck because they’re waiting for clarity.
Big mistake.When you’re 15–20 years into your career, the destination will never be what you imagined anyway.
What’s really keeping you stuck isn’t a lack of direction. It’s fear.
Fear disguised as “being strategic.”
Fear disguised as “waiting for the right moment.”
Fear disguised as “needing more information.”But here’s the thing:
You don’t overcome fear by thinking your way through it.
You overcome it by moving through it.The path doesn’t appear before you move.
It reveals itself because you moved.Start small: One conversation. One experiment. One step forward.
Your next chapter is waiting on the other side of action, not analysis.
🎙️ In the latest How to Live podcast, I’m sharing part of my conversation with the amazing Michelle on her Upward Spiral podcast.
We talk about practical ways to find purpose, how to move when stuck, and why your 40s might be the best time to reinvent yourself.
Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/095-how-to-move-when-youre-stuck-a-conversation-with-sharad-lal
Check Michelle's Podcast
https://open.spotify.com/show/4CNdVdUDHoWQ50oZmWKQ6R
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You’re running faster.
You’re winning.
But are you running in the right direction?The success script teaches us to outrun others.
Outrun, Outwit, Outlast.But it rarely asks:
Is this the race you want to win?Bhavna Toor followed that script.
She rose fast in New York finance.
But eventually, she realized she was running the wrong race - without ever choosing it.Mindfulness helped her pause.
Reflect.
And choose her own path.Mindfulness did not stall her ambition.
It pointed it in the right direction.Today, her ambition burns stronger than ever.
Because it’s aligned. Conscious. Sustainable.Mindful ambition isn’t about slowing down.
It’s about choosing your direction - with clarity.If you’re questioning your own race, this conversation on How to Live might resonate.
Are you running your own race — or just running faster?
Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/094-mindful-ambition-with-bhavna-toor
Buy Bhavna's Book
https://shenomics.com/choice/
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Your annual health checkup is a good start. But it’s not enough.
You’re in your 40s. Your doctor says you're fine. Your weight looks fine.
But your energy is low. Your sleep is off. Something just feels… off.Amanda Lim sees this every day.
She’s a Harvard-certified coach and co-founder of Singapore’s first Metabolic Clinic, advising companies like Google, PayPal, and Medtronic.Her message?
You can look lean and healthy, and still be metabolically unwell.In Singapore, many people look slim and fit, yet we’re facing a diabetes crisis.
Most annual checkups don’t catch it. They miss key signs like:
Skeletal muscle mass (SMI)Visceral fatFasting insulinVO₂ maxIn this episode of How to Live, Amanda and I unpack the real health reset for your 40s — metabolism, muscle, and how to build strength from the inside out.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/093-muscle-metabolisim-midlife-reset-with-amanda-limConnect with Amanda
https://www.liftclinic.org/
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Founders (and leaders) are addicted to solving problems. It’s their crack cocaine.
That’s what startup scaling coach Rob Bier, author of Smooth Scaling and coach to 40+ startups including six unicorns, told me.
And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
Fixing things feels good. It proves we’re still valuable. Still sharp. Still in control.But the addiction comes at a cost.
It blocks us from building teams that solve problems without us.
And it traps us in an old identity—just when we’re ready to grow into something new.We explore this and more in this episode of the podcast.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/092-let-go-to-grow-with-rob-bierHow to Live Newsletter
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Most career transitions are treated like cliff jumps.
You quit the job. Burn the bridges. Bet everything on your dream.Shiv Choudhury chose a different path.
When he left BCG to build a billion-dollar business, he didn’t go all in.
First, he faked an app. It didn’t even work.
But it taught him one thing: customers wanted what he was offering.
That was enough to move to the next stage.He calls it “pre-to-typing.”
👉 A way to de-risk big moves by testing the most important assumption before you quit your job or raise capital.Shiv isn’t just theorizing.
He’s lived it — and thrived.His career spans P&G, BCG, co-founding a fast-growing startup now valued in the hundreds of millions, and launching a successful private equity firm.
Every move was intentional.
Every leap was tested.In this episode, he gives a masterclass in how to evolve your career — without blowing it up.
He shares:
✅ The “pre-to-type” method for de-risking ideas
✅ Why staying in your job can be the brave thing
✅ His framework for deciding when to prototype, scale, or kill
✅ How a childhood trauma still shapes his risk-taking
✅ Why humility — not hustle — has been his edgeIf you’re in a transition — or quietly planning one — this episode is for you.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/091-the-art-of-career-transitions-with-Shiv-ChoudhuryHow to Live Newsletter
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Which of These 6 Success Traps Is Holding You Back?
After my article on The Success Trap in Esquire resonated with so many, I’ve gone deeper in my latest How to Live podcast.
Working with thousands of senior leaders at Google, Unilever, and HSBC, I’ve identified 6 fear-based identities that block evolution:
🧠 The Solver – Fixes everything, but fears being dispensable → micromanagement
🎯 The Perfectionist – Sets high standards, but fears not being good enough → delays
🔥 The Workhorse – Outworks everyone, but fears not belonging → burnout
😎 The Charmer – Inspires others, but fears rejection → avoids tough decisions
📋 The Taskmaster – Executes efficiently, but fears uncertainty → kills innovation
🌟 The Visionary – Sees the future, but fears irrelevance → never follows throughThese identities aren’t weaknesses - they’re strengths turned rigid by fear.
🎙️ Episode 90 explores how to evolve beyond them, without losing what made you successful.Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/090-the-success-trap-when-success-holds-you-back-with-sharad-lalHow to Live Newsletter
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You Can Only Make So Many Good Decisions - Are You Using Them Right?
In 1987, we made 100s of decisions daily.
Today, we make 35,000.Here's the problem: we can only make a finite number of quality decisions each day.
By evening, when we're making important business decisions during work calls or spending time with our children, we've already used up our good decisions quota.
The result? We default to the easiest and safest options - not the best ones.
No amount of coffee, Red Bull, or willpower can fix this. It's not mental exhaustion - it’s decision fatigue.
So how do we ensure our best decisions go to what truly matters?
In the latest episode of How to Live, we speak with Dr. Shawn Watson - a PhD neuroscientist and entrepreneur tackling this issue head-on. His company is one of Singapore’s top 20 hottest startups, and he’s been recognised as a top 10 healthcare professional under 40.
This is a hidden crisis stealing your success. Learn the science behind decision fatigue, how to manage it, and how to preserve your best decisions for what matters most.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/089-beating-decision-fatigue-with-dr-shawn-watsonHow to Live Newsletter
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When scaling a cause, should you pick passionate volunteers or capable ones?
Most instinctively say passion. But Uma Thana Balasingam’s journey scaling Lean In Singapore to 7,000+ members tells a different story.
Here’s the hard truth she discovered: Passionate people don’t always make great leaders. When she and her co-founder started delegating leadership roles to their most committed volunteers, they hit a wall. Leading a movement isn’t just about heart - it’s a skill. Managing complexity, making tough calls, and leading others require more than just good intentions.
The dilemma?
Capable people execute brilliantly but often vanish when things get tough.Passionate people stay committed but can struggle with execution.Early on, you don't have the luxury of choice - you work with whoever shows up.
But as you scale, the reality sets in:
Passion without execution creates chaos.Execution without passion creates emptiness.You need both.
In the latest How to Live podcast, Uma and I unpack this challenge. From founding Lean In Singapore to leadership roles at VTech, Dell, and IBM, to now building Elevate to champion women across Asia - she's lived this tension between passion and capability.
If you're wrestling with turning your purpose into impact, this conversation is for you.
Episode Shownotes
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When resources are limited, how do you still access the best?
Afeef Hussain wanted his team - and his country Maldives - to learn from the world’s top minds. But bringing in world-class speakers and trainers isn’t cheap.
So instead of saying, "We can’t afford them," he asked, "How can we make it work?"
His solution? Leverage what he had.
He invited top experts - leaders like Stephen M.R. Covey and other global thought leaders - to experience the Maldives, offering them world-class hospitality at Lux Resorts. In return, they shared their knowledge, mentoring his team and raising the leadership standards of an entire nation.
Resourcefulness beats resources.
Today, the Maldives isn’t just a paradise for tourists - it’s known as a place where top talent comes to learn, grow, and further their careers.
We talked about this mindset - and much more - on the latest episode.
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Forget six-packs - in your 40s, fitness is about feeling good, not looking good.
Let’s face it - most of us in our 40s aren’t hitting the gym for six-packs or beach bodies anymore. The idea of chasing aesthetics just doesn’t feel exciting or meaningful. But here’s the twist: strength training and fitness aren’t about looking good- they’re about feeling good.
When you feel strong and healthy, everything changes. You’re more productive at work, more present with your family, energised for your friends, and - most importantly - happier within yourself.
In the latest episode of How to Live, I speak with Alex Mearns, founder of Levitise, who works with C-suite leaders to transform their fitness and health holistically. His clients include leaders from BCG, UBS, Morgan Stanley, and Goldman Sachs.
We dive into:
✨ Why cholesterol isn’t the real health villain
✨ How to master the "upward spiral" approach to sustainable fitness
✨ Breakthrough strategies that actually work
✨ Designing a health plan that fits your busy lifeThis episode is a reminder that fitness isn’t about vanity - it’s the foundation for thriving in all areas of life.
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https://howtolive.life/episode/086-forties-fitness-guide-with- alex-mearnsHow to Live Newsletter
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Feeling stuck? You might be looking in the wrong place.
When we hit a crossroads, our instinct is to look outward - more advice, more inspiration, more answers. But here's the plot twist: the most powerful guidance system isn't out there. It's your own story.
Our lives leave breadcrumbs - moments that light us up, decisions that felt right in our bones, and work that made time disappear. These aren't random. They're clues to what's next.
In the latest episode of How to Live, I sit down with Fabrice Desmarescaux, who walked away from his McKinsey partnership to pursue something that called him deeper. Through reflection and mindful exploration, he discovered that purpose isn't a destination - it's a trail of discoveries.We dive into:
✨ How to read the breadcrumbs of your past to shape your future
✨ Why most big decisions are rarely permanent (and why that's liberating)
✨ The sweet spot between ambition and self-awareness that creates lasting fulfillment
The path forward isn't about perfect clarity - it's about curiosity and courage.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/083-life-lessons-2024How to Live Newsletter
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4,000 weeks.
That’s all we get. The number of weeks most of us will live.
The average human life is "absurdly, insultingly brief."As we step into 2025, this perspective—shared by Oliver Burkeman on the How to Live Podcast earlier this year—continues to resonate deeply. It’s a stark reminder to be intentional with the one resource we can never reclaim: time.
We’ve put together life lessons from extraordinary guests who appeared on the How to Live Podcast in the second half of 2024—thinkers who are reshaping how we live, work, and grow:
Oliver Burkeman reframes time management with startling clarity.Aneace Haddad helps us navigate midlife transitions.Joel Pearson unveils the science of intuition.Sara Jane Ho elevates the art of human interaction.Simon Bowen introduces the power of visual thinking.Nir Eyal shares strategies for staying focused in a distracted world.John Dykes inspires with his journey of personal reinvention.Sha-En Yeo explores the science of happiness.Christina Wallace invites us to embrace a portfolio life.Matthew Dicks reveals the secrets of masterful storytelling.Drew Tarvin demonstrates humor’s ability to transform.Nick Jonsson offers a path to self-discovery and personal transformation.This is more than a podcast—it’s a roadmap to living with intention, curiosity, and purpose.
As we close the chapter on 2024, I invite you to reflect on your own 4,000 weeks:
What will you do differently in the weeks ahead?Don’t miss this powerful episode that brings all these lessons together in one place.
Here’s to a purposeful 2025. 🌟
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“When I went bankrupt, I begged a friend who had built a unicorn for a 30-minute meeting. The moment we sat down, I could tell he didn’t want to be there.
Six months later, after working on myself, I went back with a clear vision and positive energy. This time, he introduced me to his network and offered his full support.
That experience taught me a powerful lesson: People are drawn to passion and purpose, not negativity."This gem from Marc Nicholson, Founder of 1880, is just one of many transformative insights from our guests this year on the How to Live podcast.
As we wrap up 2024, we’ve pulled together a mixtape of wisdom from the first half of 2024 - a collection of the most thought-provoking, inspiring moments from the podcast.Here’s a sneak peek of what’s inside:
Derek Sivers on questioning the status quo to create a life you love.Marc Nicholson on purpose.Dani on finding deeper meaning and spirituality in everyday life.Esh on unlocking creativity and innovation.Karen & Mette on mastering emotional intelligence to thrive in relationships and work.Leanne & Arjun on entrepreneurial lessons learned the hard way.Natalia on the power of healing and renewal.If you’re reflecting on the past year or gearing up for 2025, this episode is your masterclass in growth, purpose, and transformation.
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What’s your relationship with alcohol?
This isn’t a preachy “quit drinking” episode but it’s about curiosity. Many of us enjoy a drink. It helps us connect, unwind, and feel at ease. But as we get older, we start noticing the side effects: restless sleep, sluggish mornings, or even feeling a bit off the next day.
How alcohol affects your body, mind, and ability to handle tough situations.The deeper issues drinking can mask.Practical ways to drink less without losing the joy of social connection.
It got me curious: What’s alcohol really doing to us? How can we enjoy the connection it fosters without the downsides?
In this episode of How to Live, I speak with Nick Jonsson, Co-Founder of EGN Network, bestselling author, and executive coach. A few years ago, Nick reached a breaking point with alcohol, turned his life around, and is now thriving personally and professionally.
We explore:This isn’t about quitting. It’s about curiosity to rethink our habits and finding a balance that works for us.
Give it a listen, and let me know what you think!
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/082-rethinking-happy-hour-with-Nick-JonssonConnect with Matthew
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"I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing… because I don’t know what else to do."
Sound familiar?Here’s the truth about being stuck: We wait for clarity before making a move. We want to see the whole path before we take the first step.
But what if we’ve got it backwards?
Think about it: Most people who’ve made significant moves in their lives didn’t start with perfect clarity. Many didn’t even end up where they thought they would.
Why? Because our greatest opportunities often lie in the “unknown unknowns”—that space we can’t see yet. The ideas and paths we don’t even know exist.
The key isn’t knowing where to go.
It’s knowing how to prepare for the move.In today’s episode of How to Live, I break down:
How to get unstuck without waiting for perfect clarityWhy purpose becomes your greatest motivatorHow to systematically design your next wave - and why it could be your biggest yetBecause here’s what I’ve learned: The path reveals itself in the preparation.
Feeling stuck? Your next wave is waiting.
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Should we bring humour to work?
Can it help us connect and achieve more, or risk making us seem trivial?Our guest today, Drew Tarvin, learned engineering in school and was hired for his technical skills. Yet, it was humour—not engineering—that became his edge in the workplace.
By using humour, he diffused tension, built strong relationships, influenced others, and accelerated his career. This led him to create Humor That Works, a company that has helped 10,000+ leaders in over 100 organisations—including IBM, GE, and the FBI—harness humour to lead effectively.
In this episode, Drew shares how humour can amplify leadership and why it’s more than just a tool for entertainment. As someone who typically discusses purpose and fulfilment, I found this conversation a powerful reminder that humour can add depth to even the most serious work.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/080-humour-at-work-with-Drew-TarvinRelated Episode
#059 Creativity at work with Eshan Ponnadurai
Spotify: https://howtolive.life/ep59spotify
Apple Podcasts: https://howtolive.life/ep59apple
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Searching for meaning in life and work? The secret isn’t in those rare, life-altering moments—it’s hidden in the small, everyday moments we often overlook.
The key? Storytelling.
Even if we don’t share them, simply turning our experiences into stories in our own minds can transform how we see ourselves and our lives. It’s how we grow, learn, and ultimately, find deeper purpose.
In today's podcast, I’m joined by master storyteller and five-time Moth GrandSLAM champion, Matthew Dicks. If you’re not familiar with The Moth, it’s New York City’s iconic storytelling platform, and Matthew has dominated it, winning 52 StorySLAMs.
Beyond that, Matthew co-founded Speak Up, a storytelling organisation that has helped thousands craft more compelling stories. His Homework for Life project is a powerful tool for anyone looking to enrich their daily life through storytelling, one small step at a time.
If you're looking for simple, practical ways to find more meaning and connection in your life, this episode is for you.
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/079-finding-meaning-in-everyday-stories-with-matthew-dicksRelated Episode
#068 Connecting the dots to purpose with Marc Nicholson
Spotify: https://howtolive.life/ep68spotify
Apple Podcasts: https://howtolive.life/ep68apple
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https://matthewdicks.com/How to Live Newsletter
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Ever felt like a jack of all trades, master of none? Think again! Welcome to the world of Portfolio Life!
Just like a financial portfolio, it’s about bringing together all your passions, talents, and needs—balancing them to create a fulfilling life on your own terms
It starts by understanding what truly matters to you: income, flexibility, creativity, intellectual stimulation, family responsibilities, and more. From there, you can design a life that accommodates all these dimensions. And just like rebalancing a portfolio, you can adjust with each new chapter of your life—minimising risks while maximising joy and fulfilment.
In the latest episode of the How to Live Podcast, I sit down with Christina Wallace—serial entrepreneur, New York Times bestselling author, and the creator of The Portfolio Life.
Christina has done it all: she’s worked with BCG, started multiple businesses, and found her sweet spot at the intersection of business, technology, and the arts. Today, she teaches at Harvard Business School, produces Broadway shows, writes bestselling books, raises two kids, and even sings in a choir!
If you want to learn how to create your own Portfolio Life—blending passions, multiple income streams, and a sense of purpose—this episode is a must-listen!
When have you seen me happiest?What do you come to me for?Where do I stand our against my peers?
Episode Shownotes
https://howtolive.life/episode/078-crafting-a-portfolio-life-with-christina-wallace
3 Questions to ask yourselfRelated Episode
#064 How to Live with Derek Sivers
Spotify: https://howtolive.life/ep64spotify
Apple Podcasts: https://howtolive.life/ep64apple
Connect with Christina
https://christinawallace.com/How to Live Newsletter
Go deeper with articles every 2-3 weeks. No spam.
https://sharadlal.substack.com/Leave us a message
https://howtolive.life/contact
About Sharad Lal
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