エピソード
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Donny’s nose may be bleeding through his tears while Chelsea’s face changes colors, but this week, they’re keeping things light. So they won’t be talking about the drones. But they WILL be talking about Butch and Suni still stuck in space. They’ll also be talking about sticking ding-a-lings in vacuums and/or bags of Vaseline. Other topics include music festival diapers, vegan strip clubs, 70 year old birds, and winter dating trends (that do NOT consist of being penetrated by a carrot, unfortunately).
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Bah Hambug! The Cute Ones are bringing Big Muppet Energy as Tom Hamlett (Dumpster Dive, Good Judys) joins them to cover “The Muppets’ Christmas Carol,” as well as fighting over dictionary entries. Then. the three discuss which Muppet would is most f*ckable, how to tell a theater talker to shut up, and Donny educates Chelsea on the deleted ballad, “When Love Is Gone.” Would you eat fruit if it had a personality?
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エピソードを見逃しましたか？
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Donny and the horse he rode in on are on day five of ordering bagel sandwiches while Chelsea is out of medicine and calling strangers hillbilly b*tches. Together, they’re contemplating being MAGA because of Mariah Carey’s (the Queen of the holiday) Christmas tunes. All that and more (including the most seductive Disney characters, 9-1-1 on ABC, Golden Globe nominees, and the name on everybody’s lips: Luigi Mangione) in this week’s TGIF!
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Chelsea doesn’t have contacts, so she’s rawdogging her eyeballs this week! (See them for yourself on Patreon and Youtube!) But the only thing Donny is rawdogging is the phrase “Mind your own business,” and he’s doing it OFTEN. And in a week that Ariana Grande and Drew Barrymore teamed up to melt down together, the Cute Ones decide to watch Netflix Christmas movies, “Hot Frosty” and “Our Little Secret.” (They couldn’t help mentioning “Merry Gentlemen” for the perverts out there, too!) And - in a shock to nobody - Donny played Big Brother Express AGAIN (which is kind of like “Is It Cake?”, apparently).
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This podcast is sponsored by EveryPlate! For 50% off your first box, go to EveryPlate.com/Podcast and enter code cuteone599!
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For this shockingly political (surprise! Three weeks in a row!) episode, Noor from “The Reality Is” podcast joins the Cute Ones to cover bad dog owners, recession core, and because this IS Wicked Week, “The Wizard of Oz.” Chelsea has a slew of behind the scenes facts, but fear not - they also brainstorm which Real Housewives would play who in this movie, and although it’s Noor’s first time watching, she has a keen eye on many conspiracies. Then, as always, Donny explains which fictional felines he’s attracted to.
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Black Friday may be one week away, but today… Wicked week has begun! To celebrate, Chelsea has transformed her home into Studio 54 and Donny turned a Nashville castle into the Big Brother studio. Also, Meg thee Stallion may be afraid of aliens in the ocean, but she’s not alone once Chelsea educates Donny on the earthquake fish. (If you, too, are scared, may we interest you in a $1.00 home in Italy?) Update: Cynthia Erivo can wipe her own butt, but Donny still can’t.
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Chelsea is lucky the Cute Ones are back in the ‘50s this week because Donny is unable to use swear words when he curses her out this week. Because - as luck would have it - Chelsea ignored him yet again and he turned out to be absolutely right. As the two watch Pleasantville, they debate about the best Spiderman, hypothesize what they’d do with magical powers, and wondering what slurs the Pleasantville residents say. Also - does being invited to every party make you a popular girl? (Not if you’re Melissa Joan Hart).
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It's Friday, Cuties. And this week Chelsea and Donny cover a LOT of ground....and yet, nothing at all. Listen closely and you just might hear a baby ghost. Fun!
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Good morning, Angels! The Cute Ones are off to the races this week as they watch the quintessential Charlie’s Angels, the Lucy Liu, my girl Drew, and Cameron D film (you may remember it if you were in a hotel with Chelsea on molly after a music festival). The movie gets the duo talking about John Wayne, The Girls Next Door, Donny’s hot UPS man, the Wicked Shiz University student IDs, and dance circle competitions. Also, a deep dive of early 2000’s fashion is held.
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TGIF, Cuties. Donny and Chelsea's morals are great this week - nor is their morale - so instead of covering this week's hot topics, they're giggling their way through Cutie-submitted questions.
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It's election week and... things aren't going well in Chelsea and Donny's brains.
The Cuties are not letting Dick run their life, but they are letting Ryan Bailey (someone who likes to eat ass on camera) celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Watergate with them by recapping the 1999 Kirsten Dunst/Michelle Williams movie, "Dick." Ryan spends the episode trying to figure out who the target audience was for this movie while Chelsea spends the episode giving history lessons. Then, Ryan shares a story about his worst date and Donny educates them on the early 2000s gay porn, "The Hole." Also - were Pepe and a pimp involved in Watergate?
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(This episode originally aired in July of 2022!)
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We’re fine. We’re great. (Not really.) After a hard week, Chelsea threw the party of the century that left Donny jealous. But the week also included Octavia Spencer - as Ma - endorsing Kamala Harris, Nick Cannon’s insecurities about marrying Mariah Carey, Vicki Gunvulson’s deal with the Devil, and Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum’s separation. Also, Donny educates on the best ways to gaybait as Chelsea begins a new book club - Sarah J. Maas’s Crescent City series. Finally, Donny is begging you and everyone you’ve ever watched to watch The Wasp (the best movie he’s ever seen? Besides Ma - has it been 10 years yet?) After this episode, you’ll never think of clams again.
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The Cute Ones may look the best they’ve looked all month, but they do have some issues…for starters, Chelsea couldn’t dress like Joan Cusack for this episode, and to make matters worse - Donny doesn’t know how to make his Wednesday Addams costume slutty. But wardrobe problems aside, the duo discuss The Addams Family, as well as teachers with glass eyes and wooden legs, the beauty of Anna Chulmsky, tax write offs, bad posture, and how fun it would be to con a family. Cuties, if you know the logistics of the Addams Family, please let Donny know - ARE THEY DEAD? And answer this question: Is Merida from Brave pretty?
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Happy Halloweekend, Cuties! It’s warm as hell due to climate change, so put your Lenny Kravitz scarf to the side and instead watch The Wild Robot on cable TV, strut through the Fall Fun Run and watch adult videos for 45 minutes because it’s Friday! TGIF. The Cute Ones discuss Wicked (again), but more importantly Cynthia Erivo’s meltdown (get it?) and Alamo Drafthouse’s terrible plan for Wicked showings. Then, Chelsea educates Donny about Skibidi Toilet (and Kim Kardashian’s new jewelry). Also… Is your p*ssy green?
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Cuties, do you want to play a game? Chelsea and Donny wish they would have played a game instead of watching a movie this week because Saw ain’t it. (If you like this movie, seek help!) And because the Cute Ones hated it, they instead talk about Alice in Wonderland, Danny Tanner learning Spanish, how they’d terrorize customers if they worked at Dick’s Last Resort, the hottest dogs from Oliver and Company, and the disgusting bathrooms of straight men (and this all in five minutes). Also, eat your yogurt quieter!
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Cuties, if you have prime boi pv$$i, this episode is for you! The Cute Ones are joined by comedian Peter Toto (@petermarietoto) to discuss bald men, Andrew Garfield’s breakup with the witch after his chicken shop date, and Ariana Grande’s SNL episode (which is great since Peter has a history with her… online, at least). And Cuties… Chelsea needs to speak to you: not hehe haha news. Also, Vanessa Hudgens, if you’re reading this, email us and let us know!
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Don’t fret, Cuties - Chelsea is NOT in Blackface for this episode, but Donny is using slurs (only the ones Lacey Chabert says, though!) As the Cute Ones watch the 2005 werewolf flop, Cursed, Chelsea educates Donny about how to survive a bear. She also sings the Baby Bottle Pop jingle for whatever reason. Also, wrestlers are not sexy (neither is farting while peeing), but Donny is - especially in this week’s costume, which could explain why he’s in his Fxck Boi era. RELEASE THE MANDY MOORE CUT.
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