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In this episode of *Ask Kat & Steve*, we answered a listener’s question about navigating the complexities of blended families. She asked how to handle the difficult, messy moments and how to eventually feel like she fits in as part of a real and authentic family. This is a question that hits home for us because we’ve lived it, and we know how challenging those “ick” moments can feel when everything seems out of sync.
Steve and I shared the key principles we come back to time and again: honest communication and understanding the unique dynamics of the kids in the family. It’s about paying attention to their triggers, quirks, and egos—knowing what sets them off and how to bring them back to their relaxed, authentic state of being. It’s not about fixing them but holding space for who they are while remaining grounded ourselves. No easy feat may I add!
We also talked about the work we do on ourselves, which is the foundation for everything. If we’re not checking in with our own triggers and patterns, we can’t show up as the united front the kids need. Blended families aren’t about pretending to be perfect or forcing connection; it’s about consistently doing the work to build trust, create safety, and let the relationships evolve naturally. It’s a beautiful mess.
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In this episode, I share about a recent rupture between Mia, my bonus daughter, and me. It wasn’t a blow-up or anything dramatic, but it was one of those subtle disconnects that can quietly erode a relationship if left unchecked. She’d been popping in every day before and after school when she was with her mum, and while I love her , I found myself withdrawing—not because I didn’t want her around, but because I wasn’t voicing my own needs. The energy I was shutting down felt wrong, felt inauthentic, and I knew I had to address it.
So, we went for a walk. Walking often helps open up the conversation in a way sitting across a table can’t. I asked her why she pops in every day, and she explained how much those moments mean to her, because she misses us. I shared honestly how those pop-ins impact me—when I’m in the middle of something important with work or needing quiet time. That conversation opened up something in both of us. We weren’t trying to defend ourselves; we were just hearing each other out.
What came next was so simple yet so powerful. By acknowledging each other’s feelings and needs, we were able to agree on something that worked for both of us. It wasn’t about compromise in a way where someone had to lose. It was about meeting in the middle from a place of mutual respect and care. That repair felt real, grounded, and authentic, and it goes to show every damn time that facing these ruptures—no matter how uncomfortable—is what keeps relationships healthy and alive.
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In this episode, Steve and I are breaking down the decision we made to sleep separately, which, at first, was just about his snoring. It was disrupting our nights, leaving me on edge, waiting to see if I'd get a full night's sleep or end up dragging myself through the next day. But as we moved into this new setup, we realised it was about much more than just noise.
The truth is, we both need different things at the end of the day. Steve winds down with a show or something on his screen, giving him that moment of mental break. I’m the opposite. I want quiet, my salt lamp, a candle, and a book that pulls me away from everything external. And I like being in bed by 9 pm, whereas he naturally leans into a later night. Our decision to sleep apart evolved into something we didn’t expect – we could actually honor our individual needs without it taking anything away from us as a couple.
And here’s the thing: we love it! Since making this change, we’re more connected because we're not hating on each other. There’s no underlying frustration, no waiting for someone else to adjust or sacrifice their comfort. We cuddle when we want to, we’re close in the mornings, and both of us wake up fresher, more grounded. It’s not a sign of distance; it’s a deeper respect for what each of us needs to be at our best, so that when we’re together, we’re fully there. For anyone feeling boxed in by what they think a relationship *should* look like, this is a reminder: authenticity doesn’t follow a rulebook.
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Today’s episode speaks to those quiet, insistent yearnings in our hearts—the ones we often overlook or silence because they seem too risky, or even impossible. These yearnings are like markers, guiding us toward authentic living, toward a life and self that truly feel like “home.” Yet, too often, old pains and familiar wounds override these inner pulls. We get trapped in predictable patterns, repeating behaviors we think will protect us but really only keep us confined, far from the life we’d love to live.
This is something I’ve experienced firsthand, how the wounds we carry have a way of weaving into our habits, and they convince us that staying put, sticking to what we know, is the safest option. But what’s at stake when we keep ignoring our deepest yearnings? The cost is our authenticity—our ability to live and express who we genuinely are, free from the masks and patterns we hide behind.
In today’s episode, I’m here to speak directly to that part of you—the one that’s ready to consider, or even take, the next step toward living a life aligned with who you are at your core. It might feel confronting or uncomfortable, but that discomfort is a signal that something real is knocking, something that wants to be heard and finally acknowledged.
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So, here's the thing. We all make promises, right? Promises to ourselves about showing up, doing the things we say matter to us, and yet sometimes—especially when we’re tired, grumpy, or just not feeling it—we slack off. I had one of those mornings. Crap sleep, not in the mood, and all I wanted to do was skip my 3-good-minute practice. I almost didn’t do it. But in those three minutes—literally just three minutes—everything shifted. I was reminded of just how much those small, oh-so-little practices actually are treasure for the soul. They’re not just “habits” or “things to tick off the list.” They’re a way to reconnect, to remind ourselves of who we are, and what we care about.
That got me thinking—where are we placing our fucks? Are we giving our energy to the promises we said we'd make matter? And if not, why? Why do we say these things are important but then ditch them when the mood doesn’t feel right? It’s in these little moments, these small practices, that we build the foundation for the big things. And when we keep skipping them, what we’re really skipping is the chance to nourish ourselves on a deeper level.
After my 3-good-minute practice, a message came through so clearly: it’s the simple things that do funny things to our hearts. Moments like watching the moon’s shine, the stars, the wind moving through a plant, and it hit me—those simple, quiet moments have so much more to offer than the ego could ever recognize. They’re where the magic is. So, no matter how tired, grumpy, or off I am, I’ll keep showing up for those three good minutes because they move me in ways I can’t even explain. And I bet they’ll do the same for you if you give them a chance.
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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why it’s so damn important to recognize and respect them. Life isn’t meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. It’s about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if we’re always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the price—whether it’s burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.
Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, I’m deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. I’ve hit that phase where I’m taking a slow-ass walk, and it’s exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And let’s be real, what’s the point of all the success if I’m too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isn’t about being lazy or slacking off; it’s about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. It’s intentional. It’s necessary.
It’s not always easy, though. There’s a little voice in my head saying, “You should be doing more,” trying to convince me that if I’m not moving at full speed, I’m somehow failing. But I’m choosing to trust the rhythm I’m in right now because I know what’s at stake if I don’t. There’s a cost to living in a constant sprint—it’s your well-being, your peace of mind. But there’s also a cost to staying in the land of “sit back and wait,” where you’re not pushing at all, and that’s the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.
So, wherever you’re at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything you’ve got. If you’re in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that you’re paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.
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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why it’s so damn important to recognise and respect them. Life isn’t meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. It’s about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if we’re always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the price—whether it’s burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.
Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, I’m deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. I’ve hit that phase where I’m taking a slow-ass walk, and it’s exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And let’s be real, what’s the point of all the success if I’m too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isn’t about being lazy or slacking off; it’s about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. It’s intentional. It’s necessary.
It’s not always easy, though. There’s a little voice in my head saying, “You should be doing more,” trying to convince me that if I’m not moving at full speed, I’m somehow failing. But I’m choosing to trust the rhythm I’m in right now because I know what’s at stake if I don’t. There’s a cost to living in a constant sprint—it’s your well-being, your peace of mind. But there’s also a cost to staying in the land of “sit back and wait,” where you’re not pushing at all, and that’s the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.
So, wherever you’re at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything you’ve got. If you’re in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that you’re paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.Support the show
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Steve and I had one of those weeks where we both found ourselves caught up in focusing on what wasn’t going right, what was missing, or what we thought we should be doing better. It happens, right? You get into a headspace where you’re just seeing everything through this lens of ‘not enough.’ And when you’re in that space, it’s not just you who feels it; it impacts the whole dynamic. We were both touchy and disconnected, almost like roommates just getting by.
Then we decided to actually talk about it, which—let’s be honest—can be hard to do when you’re in that kind of mindset. But as soon as we acknowledged what was going on, it was like a weight lifted. We decided to make a conscious shift, focusing on what we do have and what’s right here, right now. And it changed everything. It didn’t just lighten our moods; it lifted the whole vibe in the house.
That night turned into one of those spontaneous, beautiful moments where we found ourselves singing, dancing, and just being present with each other. It wasn’t planned or forced; it was just a natural result of deciding to show up differently. It reminded me how quickly things can turn around when you’re willing to shift your perspective—even just a little bit. Sometimes, it’s the smallest adjustments that lead to the most significant changes.
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I want to share some real-life updates with you – the and-ness of life. My life right now is amazing. My book is out there, I’m working with incredible clients, and I feel deeply aligned with my purpose. But here’s the thing – alongside all of that, my old patterns still show up. Those sneaky thoughts that want to pull me back into old ways of thinking, like doubting myself, or feeling like I need to rush to get "there" – whatever 'there' is.
This podcast episode is about embracing both: the highs and the challenges. Life isn’t about waiting to reach some destination where everything’s perfect. It’s about recognising that great things can happen while difficult things are happening too. I’m in the very practice right now that it’s okay to hold space for both – to feel gratitude for the good, and at the same time, navigate the hard stuff without making it mean I’m doing something wrong.
We’re so conditioned to think life should be all sunshine or all storm – but that’s not the whole picture. It’s the and-ness of life that we need to normalise. We can be thriving in one area while still working through old patterns in another. It’s all part of the ride. So, let’s talk about how we can navigate this together without constantly chasing the illusion of “there.” We’re already here, and that’s more than enough.
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Lately, Steve and I have been making a real effort to focus on gratitude, and it’s been a game changer. It’s easy to fall into the trap of noticing what the other hasn’t done, isn’t doing, or the little habits that get under your skin. But with gratitude, it shifts where our attention goes. Instead of zeroing in on what’s missing, we’re paying attention to what’s right in front of us—what we *are* doing for each other.
It’s not fluffy or forced, either. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect, but it keeps us from getting stuck in the usual patterns of taking things for granted. Steve doesn’t need to do anything huge to make me feel appreciated. It’s the small stuff, like how he’ll step up and do something I didn’t expect, or even just his consistency that I might’ve overlooked before. When I take a second to actually notice, it shifts my mindset from irritation to, "Yeah, he’s got my back."
And the thing is, when we make gratitude a habit, it creates less space for resentment to build. We all have annoying habits or things we forget to do, but when we’re genuinely practicing gratitude, those things don’t seem as big of a deal. It keeps the focus on what’s working, and we end up appreciating each other more for it. It’s not magic, but it definitely helps keep things in perspective.
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Perimenopause—who knew this was even a thing? Not me! I always thought menopause was something that just suddenly happened when you hit a certain age, but perimenopause? That’s a whole different beast, and I’m right in the thick of it. It’s like this sneaky, slow-motion transition where your body starts doing things you never expected, and you’re left wondering what the hell is going on.
I’ve been navigating it as best as I can, but let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy. There are days when I feel like I’m losing my mind—literally. The brain fog, the mood swings, the physical changes—it's all so intense. It’s like my body is rewriting the rulebook, and I didn’t get the memo. I’ve been sharing these frustrations openly on Instagram because, honestly, I had no idea this was even a thing, and I know I’m not alone. If I can shine a light on what perimenopause really looks like, maybe it’ll help someone else feel a little less lost.
Thankfully, I’ve called in the big guns—Dr. Kirstey Holland. She’s been an absolute game-changer, helping me get my gut, brain, and hormones back to some kind of new normal. It’s a journey, and it’s not about getting back to the old me, but finding a new balance, a new way of being in this body that’s changing whether I like it or not. I’m learning to work with these changes, rather than against them, and it’s been a real lesson in patience, acceptance, and finding new ways to care for myself.
If you’re in this with me, just know you’re not alone, and it’s okay to reach out for help. This isn’t something we have to navigate on our own, and there’s power in sharing our stories and supporting each other through it.
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Lately, I've been reflecting on what truly makes a relationship successful, and one thing stands out: in a strong, healthy relationship, you never try to bring the other person down when they're shining in their light. Instead, you lift them up, cheer them on, and celebrate their successes as if they were your own. As I'm gearing up for the launch of my book, I've been feeling this more than ever, especially with Steve, my husband, by my side.
Steve has been my #1 cheerleader through this entire process. There hasn’t been a single drop of insecurity or jealousy—just pure, unwavering support. He’s the first to encourage me, to remind me of how far I've come, and to push me to keep going when I start doubting myself. It’s a kind of support that makes me feel even more connected to him because I know he's genuinely happy to see me succeed.
In moments like these, I realize just how lucky I am to have a partner who is not only secure in himself but also deeply invested in our shared journey. Steve’s encouragement has allowed me to shine even brighter, knowing that he’s right there with me, cheering me on every step of the way. It's a reminder that in the best relationships, you both rise together, and that kind of love and support is what truly makes a partnership thrive.
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Recently, I found myself journaling about the phrase "all in good time." As I was writing, I noticed how much my ego wanted to rush, push, and brute force my way through the process. There was this constant sense of urgency and impatience, a nagging feeling that if I didn't hurry, everything would fall apart. Beneath this impatience, I recognized a deeper, more profound fear of failure, especially with the launch of my book.
The pressure I was putting on myself was immense. I felt like I had to get everything right, and get it right quickly. My mind was racing with thoughts of deadlines, expectations, and the endless to-do lists that seemed to grow longer by the minute. In the midst of this chaos, the simple phrase "all in good time" emerged. It was like a gentle reminder from a wiser, calmer part of myself to slow down and trust the process.
These four words—"all in good time"—became a mantra that helped ease the angst and stress I was feeling. Every time I felt the urge to rush or push too hard, I would remind myself of this phrase. It acted as an anchor, keeping me grounded and bringing me back to the present moment. I realized that success doesn't come from forcing things to happen, but from allowing them to unfold naturally and organically.
By embracing "all in good time," I've been able to release some of the pressure and find a more balanced, peaceful approach to my work. It’s a reminder that everything has its own pace, and that forcing things often leads to burnout and frustration. This mindset has kept me close to the ground, more connected to my purpose, and less caught up in the whirlwind of my ego’s demands. It's a lesson I'm grateful for, and one that I hope to carry with me as I continue on this journey.
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Lately, I've been immersing myself in the art of listening, and it's been a transformative journey. I started journaling about my experiences with listening, prompted by Julia Cameron's book The Listening Path. Her insights have guided me to pay closer attention not only to the words people say but also to the deeper meanings and emotions behind them. Through my journaling, I've begun to notice patterns in my own listening habits, especially within my family dynamics.
One of the biggest revelations has been realising how often I cut people off, especially my family members. I catch myself assuming what they're going to say next or tuning out when I think I already know the gist of their message. Journaling about these moments has helped me become more aware of them. It's humbling to see how these habits can create distance in our relationships and prevent truly meaningful connections.
By consciously working on these tendencies, I'm learning to be a better listener towards the people I love, allowing them to fully express themselves without interruption. This practice has not only deepened my relationships but also enriched my understanding of those around me. It's amazing how much more you can learn about someone when you genuinely listen without jumping to conclusions or planning your response while they're still talking.
I invite you to join me on this journey of becoming a better listener. Pay attention to how you listen to others—notice when you might be cutting them off, assuming their next sentence, or tuning out. Journaling about these observations can be a powerful tool to deepen your own relationship with listening. It's a practice that has the potential to transform not only how we connect with others but also how we understand and connect with ourselves.
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I wrote this question down in my journal, played this song, closed my eyes, and let the answers find me.
The reason this question came up was due to writing the date, June 30th, at the top of my page and I thought, "wow, halfway through this year. How would I love the rest of it to be?" Then the question opened itself to the 'it' being 'life itself'.
Here's what came about ...
IMPACT - having major effect.
MEANINGFUL - worthwhile.
JOYFUL - great pleasure and happiness.
INTENTIONAL - done on purpose.
As I looked over my writings I thought, "shit yeah, that's how I'd love it to be! How great it would be to have major effect in the lives of my family, friends, loved ones and the world. To live a life that is worthwhile, create work in the world that is worthwhile. To do as such with great pleasure and happiness, and, on purpose.
This photo below sums the above up neatly. It was taken right after I finished recording my audiobook. This book has impact, meaning, was created on purpose, and written and recorded with great pleasure and happiness.
It begs the question, could all things be done this way? I'll come back to you on that.
Truly, how would you love it (your life) to be? And what would be your next best step to bring that way of life a little closer to you?
I'd love to read your insights and shares if you feel compelled to do so.
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Book launch - Melbourne, Aug 18th.
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Unhealed wounds from our past shape the personalities we present to the world, often causing us to make choices that align more with our trauma than with our true selves. These wounds can manifest as insecurities, fears, and defenses that influence how we interact with others and perceive our place in the world. When we don't address these wounds, we often wear masks that hide our authentic selves, leading us to make decisions based on the need for validation, acceptance, or protection rather than what truly resonates with our core values and desires.
I recently watched the series Dropout about Elizabeth Holmes, and it struck me how vividly it illustrated this point. Holmes, once a passionate innovator, gradually lost touch with her true essence. In her quest to become someone "important," she made choices that prioritized external success over internal integrity. This shift not only led to her downfall but also highlighted the dangers of losing sight of what is genuinely important.When we make choices from our unhealed selves, we often end up pursuing paths that don't truly satisfy us or align with our deepest values. However, when we take the time to heal and reconnect with our true selves, our decisions become more authentic and fulfilling. Choices made from our true essence are guided by inner wisdom and genuine desires, leading us to a life that feels more aligned, purposeful, and meaningful. The contrast between living from our unhealed wounds and our authentic selves is profound, and the journey towards healing is not just beneficial but essential for living a truly fulfilling life.
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When you take your next best step guided by your inner knowing, you begin a journey of natural evolution. Each step, rooted in your authentic self, paves the way for the next, creating a path that aligns with your true essence. Over time, these steps build upon each other, leading you to places you never imagined. This process is organic and fluid, allowing you to grow and evolve in harmony with your inner wisdom. By trusting this inner guidance, you not only move forward but also deepen your connection to your true self, creating a life that is genuinely fulfilling and aligned with who you are.
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It's easy to give a lot of care to things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't really matter. Our egos often convince us to prioritize superficial concerns, social status, and external validation. However, our true essence knows better. It guides us to focus on what truly matters, to give the right kind of fucks. Living authentically means aligning with this deeper wisdom, caring deeply about the things that genuinely enrich our lives and reflect our true values. It's about finding the courage to let go of ego-driven worries and instead, nurture what is truly right, good, and meaningful for our authentic selves.
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This morning, Steve held space for me in the midst of a raw emotional release.
I've been doing EMDR therapy for the past five weeks now, allowing and processing the raw emotions from childhood sexual abuse that I haven't felt in its purity. No bloody wonder why - IT'S. A. LOT.
As I journaled this morning, the emotion of anger was right there and I felt it in all its power and fucked-off-ness. Steve could sense that I wasn't quite myself and I let him know I was processing some stuff. He was about to go on his merry way and leave me to it when he got an intuitive sense to come upstairs and ask me if I needed a hug. My little Miss Independent didn't want to let him in, but instead, I chose to drop into his arms and let out the raw emotion.
Today's episode is about both our takes on this situation and how holding space for the other in relationships is so damn necessary.
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In my book I write about living a life that feels intrinsically right, good and true for us.
A life that we get to dance with and make up the dance moves and rhythm and pace as we go along.
A life that is so ours, so very much considered and intuited, a life that also considers the lives of others, all beings.
This is the life of someone who is in touch with their authentic nature and plugged into their core values, their heart, their truth. This is the life of someone who has chosen to step off the societal norm treadmill and dare ask, “hang on, is this even my life?”
I get it isn’t an easy question to ask because often we we ask the question, we’re bound to receive an answer from the well of truth that resides inside. At the same time, something in you is so relieved you’ve dared to ask because it, your true nature, can talk to you and guide you home to what you know deep down is right good and true for you.
Let us be willing, albeit scared, to dare ask if how we are living and how we are showing up is indeed true to who we are.
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