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Rae Jacobson has been friends with Katherine Martinelli since they were 6. In the classroom, they were polar opposites: Katherine, a star student; Rae, scrambling and struggling with then-undiagnosed ADHD and dyscalculia.
As they grew older, they both became mothers and professional writers and editors. Rae got diagnosed and found the support and systems that worked for her.
When, well into their 30s, Katherine called to say she'd been diagnosed with ADHD, Rae was shocked: “My queen of competence has ADHD?”
On this episode of Hyperfocus, Rae digs into what made her and Katherine’s ADHD experiences so vastly different.
Related resources
ADHD and women: The essentials“Understood Explains” podcast: ADHD diagnosis in adultsHow ADHD is diagnosed in adults“In It” podcast: When your child’s diagnosis leads to your own (podcast)Timestamps
(03:56) Martinelli’s diagnosis(07:27) Memories of Rae in school(11:39) Hyperfocusing and other early signs(15:39) “Am I an ADHD imposter?”To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Hyperfocus podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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If you like this show, consider making a donation this holiday season. 100% of your donation will go towards helping us create more podcasts (like this one!). Click here to make a gift today.
Have you ever made big plans for the day but ended up doing nothing on that list? The trouble with executive function that comes with ADHD can make planning, and actually starting on those plans difficult.
ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote on this very scenario. Listen to Jaye’s tips for managing our motivation and making progress.
Related resources
“You can’t have ADHD” (Farah Jamil’s story)How I beat my social media habit (and how you can too) How the Five-Second Rule changed my ADHD lifeTimestamps
(00:40) Farah’s quote
(02:54) ADHD and planning
(04:22) ADHD and context switching
(06:10) “The whole day” might not be as free as it seems
(09:08) What can we do to help?
(12:27) Recap
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast channel page at Understood.
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected]
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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If you like this show, consider making a donation this holiday season. 100% of your donation will go towards helping us create more podcasts (like this one!). Click here to make a gift today.
Consent is an agreement that people reach together. It can get a bit tricky with people-pleasing and black and white thinking — two things that can often come up with ADHD. The Wheel of Consent can help.
This week, host Cate Osborn welcomes Betty Martin to the show. Betty is the author of The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent. Join Betty and Cate as they break down the Wheel of Consent and why it can be a great tool for ADHDers.
Related resources
The Wheel of Consent diagram PDFHow to play the 3-minute gameBetty’s website, bettymartin.orgTimestamps
(00:00) Introduction to the Wheel of Consent
(03:08) What is consent?
(08:25) What does the Wheel of Consent do?
(10:25) Redefining “receiving” and “giving”
(12:21) ADHD, and talking about consent
(17:34) How to figure out what you actually want
(23:14) The 3-minute game
(29:26) “Putting up with” touch
(31:26) The “shadow sides” of the Wheel of Consent
(35:17) Where you can find Betty and more Wheel of Consent resources
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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If you like this show, consider making a donation this holiday season. 100% of your donation will go towards helping us create more podcasts (like this one!). Click here to make a gift today.
Picture this: As your menstrual cycle approaches, you notice a shift in your mood and focus. One moment you feel productive, clear-headed, and on top of your ADHD. The next moment your concentration slips away.
Hormonal changes can turn everyday routines into huge challenges for women with ADHD. In this episode, listen as Dr. Monica Johnson explores how hormonal fluctuations can heighten ADHD symptoms. Learn key hormones that can impact mood and focus. And get tips on how to manage ADHD and hormonal changes effectively.
To get a transcript and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood channel at Understood.
We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Related resources
A guide to hormones and ADHDADHD and hormones (Catie Osborn’s story)ADHD and womenTimestamps
(00:55) What are hormones?
(01:35) Does research show a connection between ADHD and hormones?
(02:38) How does ADHD impact the menstrual cycle?
(04:11) How to manage ADHD and hormonal changes effectively
(05:04) How diet and exercise play a role
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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If you like this show, consider making a donation this holiday season. 100% of your donation will go towards helping us create more podcasts (like this one!). Click here to make a gift today.
Rae had heard that there was a link between ADHD and postpartum depression. But with a tiny baby to care for and a life to navigate, she had more pressing things to deal with.
But the question kept bugging her: Does ADHD make you more likely to have postpartum depression?
This week on Hyperfocus, Rae finally gets some answers to questions she has had for years. Her guest is Dr. Catherine Birndorf, a reproductive psychiatrist, co-founder of The Motherhood Center, and an expert on postpartum mood disorders.
Related resources
Catherine’s book: What No One Tells You3 things I’m learning as a new mom with ADHD72 hours in the life of a working mom with ADHDParenting tips when you and your child have ADHDTimestamps
(02:55) ADHD as a postpartum concern
(09:47) PMADs: Not just the ‘baby blues’
(14:21) What can struggling parents do?
(21:07) Medication and pregnancy
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Hyperfocus podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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If you like this show, consider making a donation this holiday season. 100% of your donation will go towards helping us create more podcasts (like this one!). Click here to make a gift today.
People may assume that an ADHDer doesn’t struggle with something because it looks easy from the outside. Though they may be feeling challenged, they’re masking, or “making it work,” to get something done.
ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote about how “making it work” can lead to anxiety and depression. It can also make it easy to dismiss your own needs for support and accommodations. Listen for some tips that can help.
Related resources
ADHD and the “model minority” mask (Emily’s story)Masking my ADHD at work was exhausting, so I stoppedTimestamps
(00:42) Emily’s quote
(02:24) Jaye’s reaction
(03:40) Pressure to mask due to shame
(05:54) When others make assumptions about you because you’re masking
(08:33) Why we might have a hard time asking for help
(10:18) What can we do when we find ourselves in this masking trap?
(14:32) Recap
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast channel page at Understood.
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Hey MissUnderstood listeners! We’ve got a new show coming soon to our channel.
Hyperfocus is a show that zeroes in on what fascinates us about ADHD, learning, and mental health. Join journalist Rae Jacobson as she tackles big questions like, “Why can’t I get my ADHD meds? Who exactly gets to define a diagnosis? And can ADHD make postpartum depression worse?”
New episodes launch every other Thursday wherever you get your podcasts.
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Do you not notice that you’re hungry until you’re raging? Do you bump into things constantly? These are just two examples of how our sensory systems can affect those of us with ADHD. And they have a lot more to do with communication than you might think.
This week, author of ADHD & Us and licensed clinical social worker Anita Robertson breaks down the three hidden sensory systems. Join Anita and Cate as they talk about how these can affect relationships with ADHD, and share some tools that can help.
Related resources
Interoception and sensory processing challengesADHD and UsAnita’s website, anitarobertson.comTimestamps
(04:19) What is a sensory difference?
(08:21) What are the 3 hidden sensory systems?
(11:05) How does interoception impact ADHD?
(14:47) The vestibular system and ADHD
(20:28) Proprioception and ADHD
(23:05) Sensory systems and communication with ADHD
(26:56) How do we start identifying our sensory needs?
(30:21) Where you can find Anita
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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It was a spur-of-the-moment buy at the mall. A brand new handbag caught your eye and you couldn’t resist buying it. For many women with ADHD, moments of impulsive spending can lead to feelings of excitement followed by regret once the bills arrive.
In this episode, host Dr. Monica Johnson breaks down the connection between ADHD and impulsive spending. Listen as she discusses the value of pausing before making a purchase. And gives practical tips on how women with ADHD can build better financial habits and regain control over their spending.
To get a transcript and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood channel page at Understood.
We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Related resources
ADHD and managing moneyWhat is the ADHD tax?Timestamps
(00:42) What is impulsive behavior?
(02:03) What is the emotional impact of spending?
(03:54) How can positive and negative emotions lead to poor spending habits?
(06:05) Strategies for managing spending
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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People with ADHD sometimes put off doing things because it feels like too much with “everything else” going on. But, when “everything else” stops and we have free time to do whatever we want, it can also make us unproductive.
ADHD coach Jaye Lin talks about what happens when the chaos stops, but we still can’t get things done. Listen for some tips on how to get just the right amount of stress to actually be productive.
Related resources
When “ditzy” is finally diagnosed as ADHD (Jen’s story)Trouble getting work done is real. Executive function challenges may be the culprit.The pressure to be productive with ADHD (Dani Donovan’s story)Timestamps
(00:40) Jen’s quote
(03:05) Jaye’s reaction
(03:37) Why a lot of ADHDers live in a constant state of chaos
(04:49) The burnout that comes after living in chaos for too long
(06:16) Why having nothing to do actually works against productivity
(08:02) Finding the right balance of stress
(09:57) Keep windows of work time shorter
(11:33) Make mini-deadlines for yourself, and tell others about what you plan to have done
(13:40) Recap
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast channel page at Understood.
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected]
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Conflict can be uncomfortable. But it’s a necessary part of life that can have great outcomes. ADHD often comes with trouble with executive function, emotional regulation, time perception, and more. This can make conflict even tougher to face.
Senior certified Gottman relationship therapist Michael McNulty walks us through the research on which the Gottman Method is based — and what it means for relationships.
Listen to Cate and Michael as they explore how conflict can change with ADHD, and the four horsemen of divorce — each with their own antidote.
Related resources
Trouble with self-regulation: What to knowThe Gottman InstituteMichael’s website, chicagorelationshipcenter.comTimestamps
(03:34) What is the Gottman Method?
(06:00) The research the Gottman Method is based on
(09:42) ADHD and the Gottman Method
(12:54) Executive function and conflict
(15:22) Time perception and conflict
(16:20) What is “turning away and turning towards”?
(19:13) The four horsemen of divorce
(20:32) The first horseman: Criticism
(23:26) The second horseman: Defensiveness
(24:50) The third horseman: Contempt
(27:48) The fourth horseman: Stonewalling
(29:11) Where you can find Michael
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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It’s not uncommon for some women with ADHD to scramble to complete tasks at the last minute despite having ample time to start. This struggle can cause frustration, anxiety, and even stress.
Listen as Dr. Monica Johnson breaks down how symptoms of ADHD can lead to delays in task completion. And get strategies on how to improve productivity and reduce stress.
To get a transcript and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood channel page at Understood.
We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Related resources
Prioritizing the wrong things at work? This may be whyProcrastination, rushing, and ADHD (Yasmeen’s story)Timestamps
(00:59) What is procrastination?
(01:13) What are key characteristics of procrastination?
(04:27) Ways to break the cycle of procrastination
(05:21) What is the Pomodoro Technique?
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Do you find yourself planning to go above and beyond often? What do you do when a voice you’ve made has gone the wrong way? Perfectionism can come up a lot with ADHD, especially in women.
ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote on pressuring ourselves to be perfect. Listen for why this anxiety might come up, and how to get real with yourself.
Related resources
Anxiety, imposter syndrome, and ADHD (Mallory’s story)ADHD and perfectionismADHD and anxietyTimestamps
(00:47) Mallory’s quote
(02:03) Jaye’s reaction
(02:40) ADHD, anxiety, and perfectionism
(05:22) Over-the-top expectations of doing it all
(06:41) Does the idea of “perfect” align with why we want to do something?
(10:17) Stuck in decision paralysis because we want to make the perfect choice
(15:07) Takeaways
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast page at Understood.org
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected]
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Dating is a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. ADHD can intensify dating challenges. Like, masking to be someone we’re not so the other person will like us. Or, having intense feelings quickly, and jumping into a relationship that may not be what we want in the long run.
Dating coach Amie Leadingham visits the show this week to talk about what a dating coach does and common dating pitfalls. Host Cate Osborn addresses what these challenges can look like with ADHD on top.
Related resources
Is it love or is it dopamine?, from Tips from an ADHD CoachA dating coach talks ADHD and super-connecting, from How’d You Get THAT Job?!Amie’s website, amiethedatingcoach.comTimestamps
(03:59) What does a dating coach do?
(08:07) How ADHD can affect dating
(09:29) ADHD and “love bombing”
(12:56) What is “screening”?
(14:04) Masking in dating/The “marketing trap”
(17:50) How to ask good questions
(19:45) What to do when you realize your relationship might not be what you want
(21:37) How can people with ADHD show up to be good partners?
(23:42) When do we disclose that we have ADHD?
(25:21) Trouble with time perception and texting
(26:20) Trouble with impulse control and dating
(27:30) Amie’s question suggestions
(29:00) ADHD and oversharing
(30:54) Amie on a dating timeline
(33:10) ADHD and kink
(34:24) Where you can find Amie
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Women often juggle multiple roles. From their careers and family duties to even personal goals — all while trying to stay on top of their long to-do lists. Every tick of the clock feels like a reminder of all the things left to do, leaving some women with ADHD feeling rushed and overwhelmed.
In this episode, listen as Dr. J explores how ADHD can impact common struggles with time management. Learn about the unique time management challenges faced by women with ADHD. And get strategies to help turn those chaotic moments into organized victories.
To get a transcript and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood: The ADHD in Women Channel page at Understood.
We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Related resources
What is executive function?ADHD, time management, and PTSD: What made me a career coachTimestamps
(01:17) Why is time management a challenge for some women with ADHD?
(01:35) The connection between ADHD and executive function
(03:53) Ways to manage time better
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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After getting an adult ADHD diagnosis, a lot of emotions can come up. And questions about who you are as a person, and what to do next — like, have I been masking my whole life? Will people close to me still like me if I change?
ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote on questioning who we are after finding out we have ADHD. Listen for some of Jaye’s own story about navigating her identity, and some reassurance that we are all of our layers.
Related resources
“I thought I was just quirky.” Plus, ADHD accommodations at work (Mananya’s story)How do I emotionally prepare for ADHD diagnosis?Timestamps
(00:26) Mananya’s quote
(02:13) Jaye’s reaction
(02:33) The grief that can come after an adult ADHD diagnosis
(03:30) Questioning who we are
(05:55) Who are we now that we know we have ADHD?
(09:50) How do we move forward?
(13:03) Outro
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast page at Understood.org.
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Workplace relationships can be challenging for anyone. But for people with ADHD, trouble with working memory, self-control, emotions, and more can make professionalism even more confusing.
Executive and ADHD coach Farah Jamil visits the show to clear up some common mysteries, like, how do I speak up for myself? And, what do I do when I’ve made a mistake? Listen for her answers, and some great tips to keep in your back pocket.
Related resources
I’m having communication issues at work. What’s going on?Radical Candor by Kim ScottFarah’s websiteFarah’s LinkedInTimestamps
(03:38) What does Farah do as an executive coach and ADHD coach?
(06:57) Recognizing that it’s OK not to have all of the answers at work
(09:40) How can ADHD affect collaboration in the workplace?
(11:01) The What, the How, and the Why
(13:03) How can ADHD affect communication in the workplace?
(14:56) Feeling socially awkward at work
(17:15) How to start identifying your needs
(19:36) Conflict in the workplace
(21:43) Communication strategies
(25:28) How can we take ownership of our mistakes?
(31:12) Fear of success
(34:37) Where you can find Farah
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the Sorry, I Missed This podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Imagine receiving a “no,” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection.
This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. In this episode, Dr. J explains how ADHD can amplify fears of rejection. Listen in to learn strategies women with ADHD can use to navigate these feelings.
We love to hear from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
To get a transcript and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood: The ADHD in Women Channel page at Understood.
Related resources
ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)Emotional sunburn: What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like to meRejection sensitivity, ADHD drain, and the power of failure (Weston’s story)Timestamps
(00:49) What is rejection sensitivity?
(02:50) How can rejection sensitivity impact women with ADHD?
(03:31) Helpful ways to manage rejection
(04:48) What is cognitive reframing?
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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Do you sometimes feel like you don’t have control over your life? Are there things you turn to in order to feel better that end up hurting you in the long run? Some coping skills, like impulsive spending, can make us feel like we have control over our lives in the moment. But, they end up harming us in the future and starting a cycle of powerlessness.
ADHD coach Jaye Lin reacts to a quote on impulsive spending. Listen for Jaye’s take on borrowing control from the future, and some tips that can help.
Related resources
Ellyce’s ADHD Aha! Episode, The pain of struggling with basic tasks: ADHD in the pandemic5 tips to help teens and young adults manage moneyADHD and emotionsTimestamps
(00:42) Ellyce’s quote
(02:00) Jaye’s reaction
(03:44) How “borrowing” control from the future can lead to a powerlessness cycle
(05:22) What can we do?
(09:19) How ADHD can affect our sense of control
(15:03) The power of self-kindness
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast page at Understood.org.
Have a challenge you’d like Jaye to talk about in an episode? Email or send a voice memo to us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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When you have ADHD, it can affect every part of your life — even sex. ADHD impacts how we show up in relationships. And it can be easy to forget it’s with us in the bedroom too.
ADHD sexpert and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman visits the podcast this week to talk about the connection between ADHD and sex. Listen to this foundational episode as we set the scene to cover more in-depth topics on sex in future episodes.
Related resources
Sex, intimacy, and ADHD from ADHD Aha!Ari’s book, ADHD After DarkCome As You Are by Emily NagoskiTimestamps
(03:45) Why is ADHD and sex an important topic?
(07:24) What Ari learned from research for his book, ADHD After Dark
(10:33) ADHD and responsibility
(12:47) Avoiding a transactional sexual relationship
(14:55) Intentionality and ADHD
(17:39) What can we do to help?
(25:10) Ari’s main takeaways
(26:45) What do I do if me or my partner is really excited about sex, but one or the other of us struggles to remember it exists?
(29:54) What do I do if I get distracted during sex?
To get a transcript of this show and check out more episodes, visit the MissUnderstood podcast page at Understood.org
We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].
Understood is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give
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