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Birth mom, Sara Jane, returns to the podcast with her daughter, Courtney, who she placed for adoption, and Courtney's adoptive mom, Jeanette. We get to hear thoughts from these three women who are from different parts of the adoption triad, and who have all become family. They share what open adoption looks like for them and how their relationships and understandings of openness have evolved over time. We wish you all a peaceful holiday season, and will return with more episodes after the new year.
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Anna Lehnardt, a Chinese-born adoptee, shares her experience and thoughts after reading "Selling Transracial Adoption" by Elizabeth Raleigh. She shares some of her own experiences as a transracial adoptee and thoughts on how policy and practice can be improved to focus more on adoptees rather than adoptive parents.
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Sharolyn Swenson, an adoptee, joins our special NAM book club episode to discuss Christina Baker Kline’s book “Orphan Train.” If you haven’t read the book yet, please skip this episode to avoid potential spoilers. Sharolyn shares her thoughts and insights after reading the novel. Lanette and Sharolyn delve into the book’s portrayal of adoption and foster care, as well as the historical context of the orphan train movement. They also explore the characters of Vivian and Molly and their struggles with identity, as well as the complexities of adoption and the mother-daughter relationship. Sharolyn shares her personal experience of discovering her Jewish heritage, and Lanette recommends “Orphan Train Rider” by Andrea Warren as a more historically accurate account of the orphan train phenomenon. If you’d like to join the conversation about this book, head over to our social media pages. We welcome your thoughts and discussions.
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An adoptee shares her personal journey of adoption and the impact of the book, "The Girls Who Went Away," by Ann Fessler, also an adoptee, in this special NAM book club episode.
"The Girls Who Went Away" is a memoir/biography about mothers who relinquished their children for adoption before Roe v. Wade on her perspective towards his birth mother, leading him to search for her. The adoptee discussion leader in this episode discussed the evolution of adoption practices, the challenges faced by birth mothers in the past, and the importance of open adoption and transparency.
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Adoptee Devanie Roberts discusses the book "Far from the Tree" by Robin Benway in this special National Adoption Month book club episode. Please do not listen to these episodes if you have not read these books and do not want to potentially hear spoilers. "Far From the Tree" is discussed through lenses of adoption, and Devanie shares her thoughts after reading it. If you would like to join the conversation about this book, head over to our social media pages. We welcome your thoughts.
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Dr. Jeff Thompson discusses how we can establish and maintain psychological safety within relationships. He shares how active listening can enhance connections. We also discuss how to address conflict and find resolutions. This episode offers incredibly valuable insights for anyone looking to improve important relationships, both within the adoption community and beyond.
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In our last episode, we discussed Family Communication Patterns Theory (FCPT), which describes how families communicate and create a shared social reality. The theory was developed by Koerner and Fitzpatrick in 2002. In this episode, we discuss how FCPT and how families can improve and enrich communication, applying Dr. Murray Bowen’s Family Systems Theory, and discussing additional thoughts on how families can evaluate and improve communication patterns.
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In this episode, Shaun and Lanette discuss the Family Communication Pattern Theory, by McLeod and Chaffee, and its adoption application. focusing on conformity and conversation orientation, and how these patterns can impact families, particularly in the context of adoption. They analyzed various family dynamics portrayed in movies and TV shows, identifying different communication patterns and their implications. Family Communication Patterns help us understand how childhood family structure impacts adulthood. The model suggests that families fall into four patterns, which vary in degrees of conformity and conversation. The importance of balance in family communication patterns and the need for open dialogue, and the potential influence of parenting styles on children is discussed.
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Get the guide, FREE of charge, here: Substance Exposure in Utero: A Guide For Prospective Adoptive Parents
Hi Adoption Friends,
We’re Shaun and Lanette, co-hosts and creators of the Open Adoption Project. We hope this guide is a helpful tool for you as you counsel and discuss how you are able to support and help children exposed to substances in utero. We are so thankful to Dr. Stone for collaborating with us on creating and sharing this guide, and generously offering this resource free of charge through the Open Adoption Project publications.
We hope you’ll check out the Open Adoption Project podcast, where you can learn more about adoption free of charge. On the podcast, we discuss various aspects of adoption. We have a library of over a hundred episodes featuring interviews with adoptees, birth parents, and others. Hosting the show has been immensely educational and impactful for us. We hope that it will be a valuable resource for you as well.
If you want to continue learning, we also offer an openness guide. The Openness Guide for Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption is available at openadoptionproject.org. All proceeds from this guide go right back into supporting the Open Adoption Project podcast.
We’re thankful to have you here, learning with us and making adoptee-centric decisions. Continually listening to others’ experiences and learning more about adoption has richly blessed our lives and helped us better parent our children. We strongly believe that it will improve your own experiences with parenting and connecting with your children as well, and hope it will also help you build meaningful relationships with birth family members too.
Wishing you all of the best in your endeavors,
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The purpose of this research is to understand the context and the decisions women made when deciding to place a child for adoption.
To Participate, need to:
Be age 18 or olderIdentify as a womanSpeak & Understand EnglishHave placed a child for adoption in the US after ‘94Currently reside in the USParticipants will complete: (1) approx. 90 min. interview (in-person or on Zoom). Interview participants will receive a $50 visa gift card.
Participants may participate in a supplemental focus group (via Zoom). Focus group participants will receive a $10 visa gift card.
Website: https://linktr.ee/first.families.project
Email us to get started! Fill out this form or [email protected]
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/First-Families-Project/61560684895325/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/C7A1-NgLKSf/?img_index=1
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Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing in Bainbridge Island, Washington. Dr. Rowley's book, The Lost Coin: A Memoir of Adoption and Destiny, was published by Chiron Publications, Sept. 2023. With his background as a psychotherapist and educator, his interest in Jungian psychology and Zen Buddhism, Dr. Rowley discusses what fundamental core experiences adoptees share, how the adopted child reckons with the paradox of a comfortable upbringing and a powerful emotional loss, and how early childhood wounds result in “primitive agonies” that cause disproportionate emotional reactions. He also discusses what relational complexities are especially inherent to most, if not all, adoptees. Learn more at stephenrowley108.com/memoir/.
We also share information about the First Families Project, researching birth mother experiences. To learn more about this research go to https://linktr.ee/first.families.project
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Amy Seek shares her experiences with adoption as a birth mom, and how her relationship with her son has evolved. She shares about the importance of transparency and honesty in open adoption conversations and the need for improved ethical practices as we strive to better support mothers and their children.
Amy’s book “God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birthmother”
Other Resources:
Concerned United Birthparents
Saving our Sisters
NAAP First Families support group
Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections
Right to Know
Untangling Our Roots, an annual summit of adoptees and DCP providing education around best practices for the affected people
Open Adoption: Not so Simple Math
You can reach Amy at [email protected]
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Adoptee Lexi Condie shares her experience in this touching episode. Lexi was adopted by Aymee and Reed at age 8 along with her older brother Tyler, who was the son of Reed. Aymee and Reed decided it would be best to let Lexi and Tyler stay in contact with their mother (Stevoni), who was in prison at that time. Over the years Lexi developed a fantastic relationship with Stevoni. Lexi has always been able to lean on her adoptive parents. Lexi is currently working toward her Certified Welding Inspector certification and starting her own business. Lexi loves her career and is working towards making her life her own again. Be sure to listen to our episode with Lexi's mothers, Aymee and Stevoni, for more about how uniting adoptive and biological families in efforts to love and support adoptees can impact lives.
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In this episode, we learn about the experience of foster care alumni Cadon Riley, including his experience being adopted and later returning to the foster care system. Cadon and Shaun discuss some of the challenges Cadon has experienced, and his hopes for how our community can improve experiences for other youth in care and in need of support. Cadon Riley is a Foster Care & Child Welfare Advocate. Cadon was adopted at birth into a transracial family. At the age of 15 Cadon was placed back into the foster care system, aging out at 18. Cadon made it his goal to become an advocate to help others from similar backgrounds. Cadon is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Utah Tech University, intending to obtain his Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. Cadon’s continuous advocacy has landed him the opportunity to speak on Capitol Hill and become a Congressional Leadership Academy Delegate with the National Foster Youth Institute. Cadon’s extensive involvement in local and national advocacy aims to improve and inform the child welfare system through the power of lived experience.
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Kaira Dark is a birth mom who placed her son for adoption about 20 years ago. The adoption began as semi-open, and became open later. Kaira shares about her struggles with the trauma she experienced and how her experiences and perceptions have shifted over time. We love hearing from birth moms and really enjoyed learning from Karia's experiences.
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In this episode, Lanette and Alisha discuss establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, both in open adoptions and when caring for children in foster care. We address some frequently asked questions regarding this subject, including how to create healthy communication patterns and how to mediate challenging situations.
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There are two kinds of openness in adoption—structural and communicative. Both are important in supporting identity and development of adopted individuals, as supported by academic research. We discuss the differences between structural and communicative openness and tips for adoptive parents for practicing openness in a more adoptee-centered way. This episode is part of our series where we discuss frequently asked questions regarding open adoption. We address many of the fears adoptive parents might voice as they consider openness in this discussion.
Learn more in The Openness Guide for Prospective Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption
Sources:
Brodzinsky, D.M. (2005). Reconceptualizing openness in adoption: Implications for theory,
research, and practice. In D.M. Brodzinsky & J. Palacios (Eds.), Psychological issues in adoption: Research and practice (pp. 145-166). Praeger.
Brodzinsky, D. (2006). Family structural openness and communication openness as predictors in the adjustment of adopted children. Adoption quarterly, 9(4), 1-18.
Brodzinsky, D. (2015). Understanding and treating adoptive families. Contemporary families: Translating research into practice, 35-52.
Berge, J. M., Green, K. M., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2006). Adolescent sibling narratives regarding contact in adoption. Adoption Quarterly, 9(2-3), 81-103.
Grotevant, H. D. (2020). Open adoption. The Routledge handbook of adoption, 266-277.
Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., Elde, C. L., & Fravel, D. L. (1994). Adoptive family system dynamics: Variations by level of openness in the adoption. Family process, 33(2), 125-146.
Grotevant, H. D., & McDermott, J. M. (2014). Adoption: Biological and social processes linked to adaptation. Annual review of psychology, 65, 235-265.
Grotevant, H. D., Wrobel, G. M., Fiorenzo, L., Lo, A. Y., & McRoy, R. G. (2019). Trajectories of birth family contact in domestic adoptions. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(1), 54.
Neil, E. “Making sense of adoption: Integration and differentiation from the perspective of adopted children in middle childhood.” Children and Youth Services Review 34, no. 2 (2012): 409-416.
Neil, E., Beek, M., & Ward, E. (2015). Contact after adoption: A longitudinal study of post adoption contact arrangements. Coram BAAF.
Wolfgram, S. (2008). Openness in adoption: What we know so far—A critical review of the literature. Social Work, 53(2), 133-142.
Wrobel, G. M., Ayers-Lopez, S., Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., & Friedrick, M. (1996,
October). Openness in adoption and the level of child participation. Child
Development, 67(5), 2358.
Wrobel, G. M., Kohler, J. K., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2003, October 1). The Family
Adoption Communication (FAC) model. Adoption Quarterly, 7(2), 53–84.
Scherman, R. (2016). Openness and intercountry adoption in New Zealand. In Intercountry Adoption (pp. 309-318). Routledge.
Vandivere, S., Malm, K., & Radel, L. (2009). Adoption USA: A chartbook based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents. US Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation.
MacDonald, M., & McSherry, D. (2011). Open Adoption: Adoptive Parents’ Experiences of Birth Family Contact and Talking to Their Child about Adoption. Adoption & Fostering, 35(3), 4-16.
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Christelle Pellecuer returns to the podcast to discuss some tough questions and challenging aspects of adoption, particularly transracial and international adoption, in this episode. She discusses the importance of honesty and transparency in adoption. She also considers what potential impacts of a lack of structural and communication openness may be in her adoption experience. Christelle shared her story in Episode 88 of the podcast. We recommend listening to that episode before this one for more context.
Find our ebook at https://openadoption.gumroad.com/l/opa use code launchOAP for 25% off until April 18th, 2024.
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We have a new adoption openness guide, “The Openness Guide for Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption,” which was released today. The message we often see in the adoption community is, "Open adoptions are good! Do them!" with little guidance on how to make it work. This guide and workbook bridges that gap and teaches adoptive parents how to navigate open adoption.
https://openadoption.gumroad.com/l/opa
https://sites.google.com/view/openadoptionproject/openness-guide
Use code: launchOAP for 25% off until April 17, 2024.
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Cultivating and nurturing any relationship takes work and dedication. Relationships in open adoption are sometimes hard to maintain. In this episode, we discuss some questions we’re asked frequently regarding how to move forward in adoption relationships when things get complicated, and considerations when trying to choose a path forward. In particular, we discuss how respect and communication factor into forging stronger relationships.
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