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In today’s episode, I’m chatting with Dr. Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor, about what it means to take a trauma-informed approach to hoarding disorder. Stick around as we break down why understanding trauma is crucial for effective support and treatment.
Trauma-informed approaches to understanding and treating hoardingImportance of understanding trauma's impactConcerns about wellbeing inquiries without adequate support preparationCollaboration in Trauma-Informed CarePractical Implementation for Non-Therapy Roles**Incorporate trauma-informed principlesSensitivity to potential triggersMisconceptions and CommunicationFear factor surrounding trauma and its treatmentDetailed trauma disclosure unnecessary for effective supportClient Autonomy and Professional BoundariesRespecting clients' communication preferencesRetraumatisation in HoardingHarm of forced clearances and strangers touching possessionsNegative impact of language and actions on hoardersRespectful Support PracticesBuilding TrustImportance of building trust before intervening in a hoarder's spaceEnsuring professionals genuinely practice trauma-informed careOver-explaining as a stress responseBroad approach of trauma-informed careFactors influencing trauma perceptionTrauma DefinitionTrauma and HoardingCommonality of trauma in hoarding historiesA supportive framework rather than a treatment modelFive Pillars of Trauma-Informed CareAssuming trauma backgrounds in hoarding behaviour clientsLoss of Control in TraumaTrauma involves loss of control; care pillars help restore itTracking and managing nervous system responsesImportance of recognising client-specific signsTerm misuse by minimally trauma-informed trained professionalsDangers of Misleading Trauma Informed ClaimsProper understanding of trauma to avoid harmNon-therapists adopting trauma-informed principlesImportance of feeling present and calm during therapyTeaching clients to feel safe and groundedClear Boundaries in TherapyTrauma Types and Responses**Variability of traumaExplanation of retraumatisationManaging Retraumatisation -
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In this episode, I look at two major – and opposing – strategies for dehoarding: "swallow the frog," where you handle the toughest task first, and "save the worst till last," which focuses on building confidence with easier tasks. I'll discuss the benefits and drawbacks of each approach and offer tips for blending them to fit your unique needs. Join to learn how to break down the overwhelming task of dehoarding into manageable steps.
Swallowing the FrogBest when preventing access to essential areas (e.g., cooker, bath).Tackling tough tasks first can improve home functionality and reduce stress.Saving the Worst Till the LastBuilding confidence in dehoarding.Tasks that are emotionally charged but less visibly impactful (e.g., old photos).Utilising both approaches based on emotional resilience and situational needs.Experimentation with both strategies.Reflect on personality and typical approaches to difficult tasks.Planning strategies based on task suitability and personal motivation.Curiosity and trying different methods.Observing outcomes and refining methods.Balancing approaches for optimal dehoarding progress.Embracing flexible planning and adjusting as needed.Breaking Down TasksBreaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps.Working for shorter, focused periods with breaks to prevent burnout.Building ConfidenceAddressing easier tasks first to build capability for more challenging tasks.Sorting manageable items before tackling emotionally difficult possessions.Mixing both "Swallow the Frog" and "Save the Worst Till Last" strategies.Examination of the psychological impact of task management.Discussing mental barriers, procrastination, and overwhelm.Emphasis on efficiency and making progress to avoid demoralisation.Strategies to manage overwhelming dehoarding tasksIdentifying the "frog."Two opposite strategies for handling hard tasks.Resolve tasks early to minimise stress and discomfort.Breaking tasks into smaller chunks mitigates overwhelming discouragement.Starting with easier tasks provides steady motivation.Procrastination perpetuates stress from avoiding major tasks.Ease into dehoarding with manageable tasks first.Try both approaches, observe, adapt, and refine.Examining two strategies for tackling hard tasks in the context of dehoarding: "swallow the frog" (address tough tasks first) vs. saving the worst for last, focusing on their psychological impact on barriers, procrastination, and efficiency.Completing tasks alleviates stress and builds momentum for future tasks.Swallowing the frog can be discouraging if tasks are tougher than expected. Break tasks into smaller chunks to avoid demoralisation. Identify and prioritise your most challenging tasks, such as urgent issues or emotionally taxing items.Starting with smaller tasks provides steady motivation and achievement, offering quick wins that boost morale and maintain long-term productivity.Procrastination on the most urgent task causes continuous stress and anxiety, overshadowing achievement of smaller tasks.Start with moderately hard tasks, gradually advancing to harder tasks over time. Adapt approaches based on task suitability.Start with easier tasks to build confidence when dehoarding, and save emotionally challenging items for later. Use both approaches as needed based on your situation.Try both approaches and observe which helps you make the most progress. Keep adapting and refining based on your observations. -
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In today's episode, I’ll help you identify the triggers that make us want to acquire stuff and how to use that knowledge to combat the urges to buy impulsively. We’ll explore practical strategies like observing urges, delaying reactions, and using distractions to curb impulsive buying. Plus, we’ll uncover the deeper emotional and environmental triggers that drive compulsive shopping and how to address them.
Emotional TriggersIdentifying emotional triggers like stress, sadness, boredom, and anxiety.Understanding the role of dopamine in shopping behaviours.Recognising the temporary distraction of shopping from negative emotions.Environmental TriggersDiscussing how shopping environments stimulate purchases through strategic design.Marketing tactics designed to exploit spending prompts.Ecommerce OptimisationStrategies ecommerce websites use to maximise purchases.Seamless and tempting buying experiences.Ease of AccessThe convenience and immediacy of online shopping.Encouraging impulsive purchases through immediate gratification.Social TriggersThe influence of peer pressure, FOMO, and social validation.Buying to fit in or earn social approval.Self-Reflection and ValuesEvaluating whether purchases align with personal values.Seeking meaningful praise beyond materialistic validation.Journaling as a ToolIdentifying and understanding personal triggers through journaling.Noting emotions, activities, and feelings before and after purchases.Pattern IdentificationAnalysing journal entries to identify shopping patterns and triggers.Behaviour Change and AvoidanceAdjusting behaviour to avoid known triggers.Implementing stress management techniques to handle stress-induced shopping.Mindfulness for Identifying TriggersEncouraging presence and consciousness in the moment.Observing sensations, thoughts, and feelings without judgment.Enhancing self-awareness for deliberate actions.Observing UrgesAcknowledgment of the urge to buy and sitting with it.Comparing urges to waves – they rise and fall.Practicing distress tolerance during unpleasant urges.Delayed Reaction TechniqueDelaying purchase decisions to avoid impulsive buys.Starting with short delays (e.g. 1 minute) and extending them.Developing longer periods without giving in to urges over time.Distraction as a ToolEngaging in alternative activities.Contacting friends and talking through the urge.Reducing immediate impulses through distraction.Addressing the Root CausesFocusing on underlying issues (anxiety, depression, boredom).Pursuing therapy, self-help resources, lifestyle changes, or medical treatment.Avoiding TriggersAvoiding people or environments that encourage unnecessary shopping.Finding alternatives to shopping activities.Shopping in places that minimise impulse-buying triggers.Complexity and DifficultyAcknowledging the multifaceted nature of combating buying urges.Recognising triggers and managing urges requires effort and practice.Host’s personal experiences with guilt and shame from compulsive buying.Discussing the financial strain and relationship stress caused by impulsive purchases.Emphasising the mental and emotional health impacts.Impulsive shopping causes financial and relationship stress.Emotional triggers can lead to impulsive shopping.Awareness of emotions can reduce impulsive shopping.External triggers and dopamine drive impulsive buying.Question purchases' true value.Praise for values is deeper than material praise.Mindfulness helps identify triggers by observing sensations.Address anxiety holistically, considering therapy and lifestyle.Avoid triggers to reduce compulsive buying impulses.September's update for Dehoarding Darlings includes extras and a Q&A with Jan. Sign up at overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/darling.Bi-monthly dehoarding Zoom sessions: Sunday evenings (UK), Friday mornings (UK).Impulsive shopping causes financial and relationship stress, guilt, and clutter. Today's episode explores triggers to address and mitigate these issues.Emotional triggers like stress, boredom, sadness, and anxiety can lead to impulse shopping as a temporary escape, though this often results in further stress due to added clutter and financial strain.Awareness of evening fatigue helped me stop shopping out of boredom or anxiety. Recognising emotional triggers can prevent impulsive purchases.Marketing and environmental triggers compel people to buy impulsively for dopamine hits, involving extensive research.It feels great to get social validation from buying items, but it's worth questioning if possessions define our identity and relationships.Identify triggers for impulsive buying through self-reflection and journaling to align purchases with personal values.Mindfulness helps identify triggers by being present, aware of feelings, sensations, and thoughts, leading to greater self-awareness and deliberate actions.Address anxiety and depression through therapy, lifestyle changes, and avoiding triggers, rather than impulsive shopping.Avoid environments that trigger unnecessary shopping to break the habit. Find alternatives like meeting friends in different places or shopping online. -
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In this episode, Dr. Jan Eppingstall and I are exploring the impact of self-stigma and societal responsibility in hoarding. We look in depth at stigma and how it affects individuals with mental health conditions, especially hoarding disorder, and how self-stigma can damage us and prevent us from seeking help. Plus, we introduce a new segment — "permission slip". Stay tuned for some outtakes at the end!
Impact of Public Stigma and Self-StigmaDr. Jan Eppingstall explains public stigma, including stereotypes, prejudice, and discriminationKey facets of public stigma: difference, disdain, and blameUnderstanding Self-Stigma and Public StigmaHow stereotypes can affect self-stigma, using people's reactions to TV shows as an exampleThe implications of self-stigma, including low self-esteem, hopelessness, and reluctance to seek treatmentThe interlinking of public stigma, self-stigma, shame, and self-consciousness, as well as self-blame and the impact of self-stigma on seeking helpVariation in mental illness stereotypes by disorderIntroduction of the "permission slip" segmentDiscussion on the compulsion to keep things and the completionist mindsetInfluence of Socioeconomic Status on Mental Illness StigmaConversation about the perception of hoarding based on socioeconomic status and the value of items being keptComparison of hoarding in different contexts: ample space and financial means versus living in a cramped environmentImpact of space and wealth on hoarding, highlighted through a documentary about Celine Dion and her extensive costume collectionAcceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in Addressing Self-StigmaDr. Eppingstall outlines the ACT approach, focusing on personal values and psychoeducation on relational frame theory to address self-stigmaCognitive behavioural therapy techniques like reframing and peer support groups to combat self-stigma, as well as radical acceptance through a 10-step processInfluence of Cultural Beliefs and Social Factors on StigmaDiscussion of the influence of cultural beliefs on mental illness stigma, including the impact of social factors on self-stigmatisationProtective factors against self-stigmatisation: quality of life, social relationships, and cultural acceptance of mental illnessThe impact of societal influences on self-stigma and the importance of understanding one's thought patterns without trying to banish themExternal stigma's potential influence on self-stigma, with a suggestion that marginalised individuals facing more external stigma might be more susceptible to self-stigmatisationInternalised social stigma leads to negative self-concept.Self-stigma affects help-seeking behaviours negatively.Questioning stigmatisation and hoarding in media.Cultural stigma influences self-stigmatisation of mental illness.Communities’ response to mental illness.Self-stigma's impact varies based on individual factors.Internalised stigma is the acceptance of negative societal stereotypes.Self-stigma creates harm, deters seeking help.Reflection on hoarding stigma and societal perceptions.Public stigma in different cultures affects self-stigmatisation and attitudes toward mental illness and treatment.Reflecting on community's approach to mental illness and its impact on self-stigma.Practicing radical acceptance, using self-acceptance talk and behaviour changes to move forward.Self-stigma affects people differently based on various factors such as personality, upbringing, and society. Different societies can influence how people perceive and react to self-stigma. -
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Today, I explore the reality of dehoarding. From the thrilling sense of accomplishment to the mundane, hard, and sometimes emotionally difficult aspects, I cover it all. Join me as I discuss the ups and downs of the journey and why loving the process isn't a requirement - getting it done is what counts.
The Importance of Persistence and Commitment in DehoardingThe need to keep going even when it's not thrilling or empoweringEmbracing the mundane and boring aspects of dehoardingUnderstanding that progress is more important than loving every moment of the processRecognising that dehoarding can include both rewarding and difficult experiencesUsing reminders of the end goal to cope with the challenging daysCompassion and Self-Care in the Dehoarding ProcessEmbracing self-compassion during difficult dehoarding daysUtilising self-care practices as a way to cope with the processUnderstanding the importance of acknowledging and validating difficult experiencesAcknowledging the necessity of perseverance and consistent effort in dehoardingCoping with Mundane and Monotonous Aspects of DehoardingRecognising the importance of routine in the dehoarding processStrategies and techniques to cope with monotony and boring tasksUnderstanding the difference between emotional highs and lows, and coping with routine tasksUtilising rewards and mindful strategies to cope with tedious dehoarding tasksRedefining Success in DehoardingUnderstanding that success is measured by effort, home improvement, and personal prideAcknowledging that dehoarding progress is not always thrilling or enjoyableEmbracing that progress is still progress, regardless of its size or level of excitementChallenging unrealistic expectations set by influencers and social media about dehoardingAction and Commitment Despite Feelings Towards DehoardingEncouragement to take at least one step in the right direction, regardless of loving the processEmbracing the idea that it's okay not to love dehoarding every minuteRecognising that commitment to dehoarding is a significant achievement in itselfAffirming the capability to create a space one feels at home in, despite the ups and downs of the journeyDehoarding doesn't have to feel thrilling.Difficulties come, but remember your purpose.Feeling overwhelmed is normal during the decluttering process, but progress matters more than celebrating every step.Self-care involves activities like hot baths, TV time, and walks, paired with self-compassion to be effective.Reward self, be mindful, focus on present, seek support, value effort over success.Embrace the journey, take steps forward. -
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In today's episode, I look at how the Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, can revolutionise our approach to decluttering. I discuss how focusing on the 20% of our possessions that cause 80% of our problems can lead to more impactful change with less effort, and how identifying the 20% of tasks that show the biggest results can help us to manage our energy and make visible progress. Join me as I break down this principle and explore how it can transform our mindset and approach to dehoarding.
Introduction to the Pareto PrincipleExplanation of the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 ruleRelevance of the Pareto Principle to hoarding and home managementImpact of focusing on the 20% causing the most problemsIdentifying Impactful Tasks and ItemsThe impact of expending energy on low-level tasksImportance of prioritising impactful tasks for noticeable changeMaking a dent in belongings by focusing on impactful itemsBrief history of Vilfredo Pareto and his observationVarious contexts where the Pareto Principle is seen to applyValidation of the principle in different areasApplying the Pareto Principle to Your HomeStrategic thinking in identifying items causing disruptionIdentifying 20% of belongings used most oftenEnergy expenditure and impact of dehoarding actionsEmotional Attachment & Rational Decision MakingEmotional connection to belongingsEncouraging rational assessment of belongings' valueThe role of emotions in retaining or discarding itemsReassessing and Ongoing VigilanceNeed for ongoing reassessment as space is clearedImportance of reassessing the 20% causing problemsFrequency of reassessment and calibrating belongingsReflecting on the impact of the 80/20 rule in home managementPareto principle for hoarders.Pareto principle: 20% effort, 80% results.Reframe, prioritise, and declutter for efficient living.Identify essential items, discard unnecessary possessions strategically.Identify unnecessary items to make life easier.Reevaluate possessions and focus energy efficiently.Use the Pareto principle to focus on tasks with high impact.Identify and declutter items for a noticeable ease in daily life; use the 80/20 rule for organising and resolving space issues.Reassess belongings, focus on what matters. -
I look at an old fable from when I was little and how I’ve changed my view on it completely. And, of course, how it relates to hoarding – and dehoarding.
Acknowledging reaching 250,000 downloads for the podcastDehoarding fast vs. slow and steady approachThe benefits of dehoarding fastGetting a lot done in a short timeResponding to emergency situationsHarnessing sudden bursts of motivationThe risks of dehoarding fastBurnoutImpracticality of sustaining a fast pace in the long termEmphasising the importance of finding a balance between fast and slow dehoardingAcknowledging the benefits and drawbacks of both approachesThe significance of Aesop's fable "The Hare and the Tortoise"Initial scepticism about the fableUnderstanding the importance of perseverance and consistency over speedDrawing parallels between the fable and dehoardingPrimary Topic: Slow and steady work for dehoardingSustained approach for dehoarding the entire homeMaking habits or new behaviours stick and become habitualEnhancing slow progress with focus and documentationAchieving objective progress through slow and steady workSuitability for long-term planning and sustainable change in behaviours and beliefsRiding the wave when the urge to throw into action arisesRecognising when to work fastPotential drawbacks leading to complacency or exhaustionBalancing fast and slow dehoarding approachesFinding a balance for effective and sustainable progressAvoiding the pitfalls of extremes in dehoarding approachesFast action can be encouraging and valuable.Sustainable pace fosters effective dehoarding.Slow, steady progress towards a liveable home. -
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Dr Jan Eppingstall has had an idea, and it is as revolutionary as it is terrifying. We talk about it!
Shifting focus from individual items to the bigger pictureCreating a guilt-free zone for a limited time to honour values and experience more joy and fun in the futurePutting aside certain values temporarily to create better conditions for the futureIntroduction of the concept of "household equilibrium"Understanding the emotional attachment to possessions based on lived experiencesBehavioural and Emotional Aspects of Discarding ItemsReluctance to discard out-of-date food due to guilt and fear of wasteEmotional connection to possessions and the importance of using themEncouraging the usage and enjoyment of possessionsTrauma-focused approach to discarding clutterCoping with the guilt and shame around wastefulnessMaking difficult decisions about discarding itemsExposure to letting go and small, less risky decluttering tasksLetting go of controlling outcomes and focusing on wellbeing over perfect disposalStarting with low-risk categories when decluttering, such as wrapping paperProve that terrible things do not happen when declutteringThe importance of proportionality in the decluttering processChildren's Belongings and Autonomy in DeclutteringClear guidelines for disposing of belongings that are not yoursContacting owners to collect items, especially for children's belongingsRevisiting keepsakes periodically to reassess their importanceRespecting children's decisions about their belongingsNavigating the decluttering process with understanding and sensitivityCreating a Safe and Comfortable Living EnvironmentImplementing an amnesty on existing rules and guidelinesSuspending the acquisition of new items to keep the space in equilibriumAllowing space for new interests and hobbies to enter one's life without guiltDesire for perfection leads to unnecessary clutter.Temporary pause for a more balanced life.Stay safe and open to new experiences.Encouraging use of gorgeous clothes in daily life.Helping people cope with guilt and clutter to prioritise their well-being.Desire for perfection in decision making and finding balance.Some people value frugality but need to let go sometimes.Focus on physical safety, declutter for new hobbies, no guilt.Facing fears leads to growth and relief from guilt.Recommendation to limit exposure to items and practice letting go to avoid regret.Encourage using and enjoying clothes, shoes.Expressing love for a cherished mug. -
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It’s the 150th episode, and I’ve got a special one for you. I’m tackling the 13 pieces of hoarding advice that you're really tired of hearing, and I’m hitting them head on! We've all been on the receiving end of well-meaning but utterly unhelpful advice when it comes to hoarding. From "just get rid of it" to "you're being lazy"… the list goes on. They may seem harmless, but they often overlook the emotional complexities and serious mental health challenges faced by people who hoard. Most importantly, I explain why these pieces of advice do more harm than good. Oversimplified solutions just won't cut it when it comes to overcoming hoarding disorder.
Terrible Hoarding Advice"Just get rid of it" underestimates the emotional attachmentEmotional attachment to possessionsOverwhelming nature of such advice"It's just stuff" overlooks the significance of possessionsThe significance of possessions to hoardersDismissal of the emotional connection to items"Get rid of things that don't spark joy" oversimplified and doesn't consider complexitiesOversimplification of the decluttering processFailure to recognise the complexities of hoarding disorderBlaming hoarders for being lazy, weak, or selfish is not helpfulStress and shame reinforcementThe impact of negative reinforcement on mental healthTelling hoarders to be embarrassed or ashamed is counterproductiveExacerbation of hoarding tendenciesImplications for mental health and stigma"Just get a skip" advice may create time pressure, anxiety, and public displayPressure and anxiety for hoardersPublic display of possessions and potential distressCleaning up a hoarder's space without consent creates mistrust and anxietyImpact on trust and mental well-beingReinforcement of trauma responsesSuggesting to sell or have a yard/car boot sale oversimplifies thingsComplexity of hoarding disorderDismissal of mental health issuesDecluttering advice of doing one room a day or week underestimates the difficultyEmotional challenges of decision-makingComplexity of hoarding disorderThree piles for keep, give away, and throw away is not effective as stand-alone adviceEmotional attachment and decision-makingComplexity of decluttering for hoardersTelling someone to try harder and give 100% effort at all times is unrealisticUnrealistic expectations and burnoutImpact on mental health and sustainabilityLong-term and complex nature of declutteringUnderstanding the complexity of the processMental and emotional focus of declutteringHoarding as a Complex ProcessComparison of decluttering to a marathonThe endurance required for declutteringCriticism of advice containing the word "just"Casual dismissal of hoarding tendenciesEncouragement to reconsider using "hoarder" casuallyImpact on stigma and understandingConsider emotional attachment in addressing hoarding issues.Hoarding disorder is complex and deeply personal.Blaming hoarders reinforces shame and hinder recovery.Skips can be a stressful solution.Car boot sale: a communal yard sale.Oversimplifying, dismissing mental health issues - not helpful.Avoid burnout by pacing and considering emotions.Simplify, declutter, and be mindful of health.Reconsider comparing mild mess to hoarding.Advice to declutter doesn't consider emotional attachment; drastic approach may cause fear and anxiety.Hoarding disorder is complex, possessions hold deep meaning, and one-size-fits-all approaches don't work.Blaming hoarding on laziness is unhelpful and untrue.Using skips as a solution for decluttering can create anxiety for some as it puts their possessions on public display.Car boot sales are similar to yard sales, with people selling items from their car boots in a car park on Sundays. Sellers might not get much for their cherished items.Avoid burnout by pacing efforts for long-term decluttering, including handling emotionally charged items with care.Casual use of mental health terms.Hoarding is not just about having too much stuff; it affects emotions and living conditions.Avoid comparing mild mess to hoarding. -
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Susie Boutal is a qualified ADHD coach and decluttering expert. She joins me to talk about the intersection of ADHD, hoarding, and clutter. Susie shares valuable insights for anyone dealing with ADHD and hoarding. We cover the myth of laziness, the importance of open communication in relationships, managing hoarding behaviour, the impact of self-talk, and the influence of past experiences on self-perception and the responsibility to yourself and others in managing living spaces. Join us as we navigate the complexities of decluttering and hoarding with compassion and empathy, and gain valuable advice from Susie on nurturing a kinder inner dialogue.
Negotiations and Agreements in RelationshipsCompassionate Expression of NeedsImpact of Self-Talk and Past Experiences on Self-PerceptionNurturing a Kinder Inner DialogueOffering Yourself Compassion and EmpathyADHD and ClutterImpulsivityCompassionate Approach to Motivate DeclutteringGuilt and ShameBreaking Tasks into MicrotasksTips for People Dealing with ADHD and HoardingSelf-CompassionEstablishing Daily Non-negotiable RoutinesBreaking Down Tasks into Small GoalsApproaching Uncertainty as a Space of PossibilitiesOvercoming ProcrastinationIdentifying Procrastination TriggersBreaking Tasks into Achievable GoalsMaximise Productivity and Time ManagementReassessing Productivity in Small Time PeriodsUsing Small Time Intervals for DeclutteringAddressing Impulsivity in Acquiring ItemsFinding Long-Term PurposeManaging Living Spaces in RelationshipsOpen CommunicationSetting Non-Negotiable PrioritiesOvercoming decluttering barriers with 5-minute tasks.Find purpose by identifying goals, prioritise passions.Setting rules, responsibility, and personal growth awareness.Establishing boundaries and agreements in relationships.Recognising patternsImpact of words can last a lifetime.Establish routines, question resistance, break tasks down.Embrace uncertainty as a challenge, not a threat.Clutter linked to ADHD, trauma, mental health, impulsivity, and seeking new things.Focusing on microtasks for motivation and habit building.Decluttering seems overwhelming, but starting with small tasks can be motivatingFind purpose, set long-term goals, prioritise over short-term impulses.Setting rules and responsibility to overcome impulses and seek long-term goals.Open communication and defining nonnegotiables is crucial in living together respectfully.Negotiating boundaries and agreements in all relationships, including regarding space and activities.Recognising negative patterns, understanding origins, finding benefits in change, and being kinder to yourself.The lasting impact of hurtful words.Routines, self-reflection, and breaking tasks down.Embracing uncertainty leads to growth, while fear of uncertainty causes paralysis. -
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Today, I talk about a woman who sold every single thing in her wardrobe and explore the lessons that can be learned from this drastic approach, discussing both the positive and less than ideal aspects of the woman's actions. Highlighting the importance of taking small actions and steering away from all-or-nothing thinking, I look at what we who have difficult home surroundings can learn from this
Acknowledging annoyance and taking action against it.Overcoming scarcity mindset and emotional attachments to possessions.Liberating to sell clothes, or all-or-nothing thinking?Gradual progress leads to lasting change and adaptation.Exploring actions and habits to address annoyances.Don't have to do extreme decluttering.Small actions are valuable.Incorporate new behaviours consistently.Slow progress is more effective than dramatic change for long-term success.Accepting and embracing feelings as a human reaction.Taking Action on AnnoyancesAcknowledging ongoing annoyancesTaking decisive action to address the problemDecisivenessBeing inspired by the woman's decisivenessOvercoming overthinking and indecisivenessFinding fulfillment and reward in making a dramatic changeFeeling liberated by having considerably less stuffLiving with Considerably LessRealising that living with less is not a threatThe protective nature of hoarding behaviourLess Ideal Aspects of Extreme ActionAll-or-Nothing ThinkingRecognising the danger of extremes in decision makingEmbracing the value of moderation and balanced actionSmall Actions versus Grand GesturesThe importance of small, consistent actions over grand gesturesBuilding lasting change through gradual progressOvercompensatingThe dangers of drastically clearing out possessionsGradual adaptation and adjustment to changeAccepting Feelings and ReactionsUnderstanding that feelings of overwhelm are a normal human experienceNo Secondary ShameRejecting the idea that feeling hard emotions is a source of shameOvercoming internalised beliefs about the negativity of emotions -
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With Dr Jan Eppingstall, today I delve into the fascinating world of habituation – which you might be familiar with as clutter blindness, but it’s so much more than that! – and its impact on our daily lives. We look at the role of habituation in hoarding, and offer practical techniques to revitalise our perspectives. Join us as we unravel the complexity of habituation and its relationship to hoarding, with valuable insights into improving our quality of life.
Habituation and its ImpactDefinition of habituationEvolutionary and innate nature of habituationHabituation as a form of non-associative learningRole of habituation in daily lifeIndividual experiences with habituationPositive, neutral, and negative aspects of habituationHabituation in hoarding behaviourHabituation and autistic peopleEffects of habituation on daily tasks and decision-makingHabituation in relation to clutter blindness and hoardingOvercoming HabituationTechniques for combatting habituationChanging daily routines and habitsUsing different modes of transportPerforming everyday tasks in different waysLooking at space through a different perspectiveThe need for a variety of approaches to combat habituationTechniques to break habitual patternsThe importance of stepping out of your comfort zoneThe importance of mixing up approaches and embracing what worksHabituation in Mental Health and TherapyDeliberate use of habituation in mental health treatmentExposure therapy and fear ladder approach in treating fears and phobiasGradual exposure therapy for specific fearsMaintenance of progress in overcoming fears and phobiasImplications of habituation for individuals with autism spectrum disorders in relation to hoardingInsight into habituation and its impact on hoarding behaviourTechniques and advice for combating habituationExamples of habituation in daily lifeExperience of habituation in hoarding behaviour and clutter blindnessThe impact of habituation on decision-making and compensating for clutterConnection between habituation, working memory, and people-pleasing behaviourUnderstanding the impact of habituation on decision-making and perceptionsStrategies for breaking habitual patterns and experiencing joyMindfulness and gratitude in daily lifeRekindling appreciation for familiar places and seeing them through fresh eyesEncouragement to find joy in life and invest in experiences over material possessionsNon-associative learning: Becoming accustomed to stimuli.Habituation serves necessary and neutral purposes.Skipping stages and creating fear ladder for hoarding.Clutter organization leads to joy, not regret.Habituation in hoarding leads to inaction.Removing obstacles can make daily tasks easier.Visual cues and externalising tasks aid memory.Self-sufficiencyObserving and changing habits leads to improvement.Experiences linger longer than material possessions.Habituation is normal and can be positive.Habituation is the process of becoming less responsive to repeated stimuli.Habituation serves purposes: prevent overwhelm, allow focus, survival. Good, neutral, negative aspects.Overstimulation and stimming behaviors.Reliance on visuals becomes less effective.Visual reminders and working memory limitations prompt use of external systems to record and remember tasks.Some people have a mindset of overcoming odds and finding resourceful solutions.Changing habits and mindset is key for improvement.Observing and reflecting on how things are done can lead to finding better, more efficient ways.The key is to have a mix of approaches for habit change.Variety is essential and embrace what works, even if just for a bit.The mind values experiences over possessions for lasting impact.Habituation is normal, can be positive, neutral, or negative, and can be used to reduce distress. -
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Incredible conversation with the ever-insightful KC Davis of Struggle Care. From discussing the impact of accumulating unused items to exploring the mental and emotional barriers people face in decluttering and tidying up, this episode covers a wide range of strategies and insights to help you on your dehoarding journey. We look at the shame and stigma associated with struggling with care tasks, including dehoarding, and the impact on individuals' self-worth and ability to seek help, and replace the shame with an approach rooted in self-compassion and moral neutrality towards care tasks. So if you're looking for practical tips, empathy, and support on your dehoarding journey, you won't want to miss this episode!
Understanding Care Tasks and StrugglesDefinition of "care tasks"Stigma and shame surrounding struggles with care tasksImpact on self-worth and ability to seek helpOvercoming Shame and StigmaFear and self-criticismImportance of self-compassion and supportive communityMotivation and the limitations of shameIndividualised solutions rooted in self-compassionThriftiness and environmental concernsStrategies for Task Initiation and MotivationChallenges for hoarders and those with ADHDDifferentiating motivation and task initiationSmall steps, transitions, and tools for task initiationStarting the Decluttering ProcessNo one right way to startMaking small decisions and using timersInvolving friends in parting with itemsOvercoming Emotional Barriers to DeclutteringImpact of accumulated items and their eventual outcome"5 things theory" to overcome resistanceAdjusting the tidying process and taking small steps consistentlyStrategies for Organising and Tidying UpBreaking tasks into smaller stepsVisual storage ideas and creating ritualsSetting priorities and challenging societal normsJudgments based on work, race, and appearanceMany people feel therapy isn't addressing their needs.Shame doesn't lead to lasting behaviour change.Self-help methods are not one-size-fits-all.Permission to accommodate leads to lasting change.Challenges of ADHD and executive functioning explained.Declutter by what I need, love, keep.Motivation leads to easier hard work and decluttering.Take small steps and make decisions.Break tasks into small steps.Community support for navigating vulnerability.Many people find online content more helpful than traditional therapy, reflecting societal attitudes towards seeking help.Shame and social pressure don't guarantee change.Self-help space lacks personalised solutions for diverse challenges. Universal methods don't address individual barriers and needs.People give themselves permission to accommodate and it leads to curiosity, not necessarily a finish line.Challenges with executive functioning and organisation due to ADHD, struggling with clutter and distractions.Sort items by frequency of use, happiness, and necessity. Prioritise what to keep, rather than what to discard.Motivation leads to easier wins, declutter by discussing meaningful items with friends.Taking small steps without pressure, performing tasks with enjoyable activities.Breaking tasks into smaller steps and utilising a simple action to initiate it. -
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I watched a film, "Where Dragons Live," which struck a chord with themes of belongings, families, the meaning of our stuff, and the complexities of dealing with a loved one's stuff after they pass away. I talk about the deeper implications of what we leave behind. Join me as I reflect on the emotional impact of material possessions and the significance of our connections with others.
Film Review: Where Dragons LiveReview and discussion of the film "Where Dragons Live"Exploration of themes relevant to hoarding, family dynamics and privilegeReflection on the concept of treasuring and maintaining possessionsAnalysis of the film’s portrayal of mixed, nuanced emotions and reactionsExamination of the anxiety surrounding what we leave behind for othersEmphasis on the impact of hoarding on one's own life and grieving processPersonal reflection on the burden and worry of leaving behind a hoarding homeConsideration of the challenges faced by those sorting through a hoarded spaceInsight into the complexities of emotions and decision-making related to hoardingImpact Beyond PossessionsReflection on the value of relationships and connections beyond physical possessionsExamination of the meaningful impact individuals can leave on othersEmphasis on the significance of emotional and personal legaciesDiscussion of minimising physical clutter to alleviate stress for othersPersonal experiences related to friendships and legaciesReflection on the meaningful contributions individuals can make in others’ livesRecommendations for listeners to consider the impact they leave on othersEncouragement to prioritise meaningful connections over material possessionsMixed emotions lead to decision-making challenges.Grieving and hoardingOverwhelmLeave behind meaningful and powerful positive impact.Film subjects reflect on sentimental items.Grief and clearing out a hoarded home, finding value in the midst of overwhelming belongings.Leaving meaningful impact beyond material possessions.The film's focus on balancing material possessions with emotional valueMinimising belongings for others' sake. -
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Dr. Jennifer Krafft, director of the Mindfulness and Acceptance Lab at Mississippi State University and her expertise in hoarding disorder, OCD, anxiety, and mindfulness and acceptance processes for treatment brings a fresh perspective to the prevalent issues surrounding hoarding. We’re talking particularly about stigma and hoarding disorder, the impact of cultural and societal attitudes, and the potential for self-help interventions to reduce stigma. We look at the roles of psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and the need for societal change in addressing hoarding stigma.
Stigma and Misconceptions Surrounding Hoarding DisorderLack of public awareness and understandingSensationalism in reality TV shows and its impact on stigmatisationImpact of hoarding stigma on seeking help and social livesMindfulness and Acceptance in Managing Hoarding DisorderDr. Jennifer Krafft's personal experiences and curiosity leading to interest in hoarding disorderLack of effective treatments and trained providers for hoarding disorderStudy on self-help interventions reducing stigmatisation for people with hoarding disorderCombating perfectionism through flexibility and managing cognitive reactionsSeeking Help and Self-StigmaDr. Jennifer Krafft's study on individuals' preferences for seeking help for mental health problemsPublic stigma and self-stigma, leading to shame, embarrassment, and hiding behaviourPsychological inflexibility linked to stigma and rigid behaviour patternsAcceptance and commitment therapy promoting psychological flexibilityAddressing Stigma and ShameImpact of intersecting stigmas on individuals, such as hoarding and racismAddressing self-criticism, shame, and seeking supportMindfulness exercises and self-compassion in managing stigma and shameCultural and Identity Perspectives in Hoarding DisorderLack of research on culture, identity, and hoarding, particularly in diverse populationsAdditional challenges faced by individuals with multiple forms of discriminationAcknowledging the impact of intersecting stigmas on individualsEvolutionary Perspective of Hoarding BehaviourDr. Jennifer Krafft discussing hoarding behaviour in the context of human evolutionMismatch between human adaptation and the current society's abundance of material possessionsPromoting Awareness and EducationDr. Jennifer Krafft's advocacy for societal change in addressing hoarding stigmaNecessity for professional education and awareness about hoarding disorderLack of research on culture, identity, and hoarding, particularly in diverse populationsEach of these topics delves into the complexities and implications of hoarding disorder, shedding light on the need for compassion, understanding, and effective interventions.Reality TV impacts public perception of hoarding.Insufficient research on hoarding and identity discrimination.Negative thoughts and emotions control behaviour; impacts stigma.Identifying and challenging perfectionism in daily life.Seeking support, not meant to be isolated.Consider the adaptive nature of hoarding behaviour.Dehoarding Zoom sessions help with self-judgment.Acceptance and commitment therapy promotes psychological flexibility to navigate stigma effectively.Insufficient research on hoarding and identity, leading to potential discrimination.Psychological inflexibility leads to stigma. Acceptance and commitment therapy can help.Researcher discusses unexpected study findings, biasesIntrinsic motivation in decluttering.Seek support from others, fight hoarding stigma.Evolutionary perspective on hoarding behaviour and the potential benefits of hoarding in certain contextsZoom accountability sessions for decluttering, self-judgment comparison. -
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Today, I focus on the dreaded "analysis paralysis" and how it affects individuals with hoarding disorder. I discuss practical strategies for making decisions easier and breaking through the overwhelming feeling of being stuck in the decision-making process. From setting time limits to reframing fear, I will talk you through the steps to overcoming paralysis and perfectionism.
Analysis Paralysis and Hoarding DisorderDefinition of analysis paralysisOverwhelmed by options and freezing due to overanalysingNegative impact of perfectionism and fear of uncertainty on decision-makingFeeling overwhelmed by choicesGetting stuck in overanalysingImpact of perfectionism on decision-makingFear of uncertainty hindering progressStrategies to Overcome Analysis ParalysisUsing systems or rules to make decisions easierSetting time limits to create focus and reduce overwhelmPracticing with small decisions to build confidenceGrounding oneself in the present and breaking tasks into smaller chunksHaving a decision-making framework or process to aid in breaking through analysis paralysisTechniques such as pros and cons lists, cost benefit analysis, and setting rules to make decisions easierImportance of setting criteria to aid decision-makingMaking use of time limits to create focusBuilding confidence through practicing with small decisionsBreaking tasks into smaller, more manageable chunksPrioritising Progress Over PerfectionEncouragement to start small, even if something seems impossible or too difficultStrategic questions, setting a timer, joining an accountability group, and focusing on the present moment to overcome paralysis and perfectionismEmphasising the importance of progress over perfectionStarting with small, achievable goalsUsing strategic questions and setting timers for focusUtilising support systems like accountability groupsThe emphasis on progress over perfectionOvercoming analysis paralysis through implementing systems.Overcome perfectionism and fear by taking action.Refocus on positive possibilities to overcome fear.Focus on 20-minute tasks to avoid overwhelm.Start with small decisions to build confidence.Focus on the present, break tasks down.Focusing on first step, making decisions easier.Simplify decision-making process to ease overthinking.Overcome perfectionism and fear of uncertainty by taking action and learning as you go.Changing mindset from fear to possibility, reframing challenges and gaining perspective.Focusing on 20-minute tasks helps with overwhelm and promotes action.Start small, build confidence to overcome hoarding.Focus on the present, break tasks into smaller chunks.Start with first step, use decision making framework to break through analysis paralysis.Tips for overcoming paralysis and overthinking: use pros and cons lists, cost benefit analysis, and practice to build confidence. -
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I have a bit of an emotional moment in this one! In this episode, I talk about how we can spot those things that may have been useful at one point but are limiting us now. And look at how we can start to even entertain the idea of moving away from them without getting overwhelmed by the things that we're running away from in the first place.
Identifying coping mechanisms that have become detrimentalHow once-helpful behaviours or thoughts can now cause stress, annoyance, or interfere with work and relationshipsAcknowledging the negative impact of these coping mechanismsLetting Go of Detrimental Coping MechanismsSymbolism of finding freedom after letting go of detrimental habitsThanking coping mechanisms for past usefulness while acknowledging their current negative impactThe process of letting go described as taking small stepsEmphasising gradual change rather than extreme transformationMy experience of letting go of self-harm as a coping mechanismTherapist's advice to apply the same principle to hoardingReflecting on past coping mechanisms and their evolutionReassessing the need for detailed to-do lists as a coping mechanism for insecurity and fearOvercoming Adversity and Achieving Small VictoriesThe power of achieving small victoriesUsing every bit of progress to fuel the next step, even if it feels impossibleIdentifying the benefits derived from hoarding and finding alternative positive coping mechanismsAdopting Positive Behaviours and Embracing ChangeImportance of trial and error and gradual change in adopting positive behavioursEncouraging curiosity and open-mindednessAcknowledging that change doesn't have to happen all at onceOur lives can be better without the distress-causing coping mechanismsSupport and CommunityInvitation to hoarders for an event for support and discussionAcknowledging past coping mechanisms, embracing self-acceptance.Struggling with past coping mechanisms; learning to let go.Identify harmful coping mechanisms to improve well-being.Understanding underlying emotional needs.Reflect on coping mechanisms, assess their effectiveness.Identify and let go of problematic coping mechanisms, consider letting go of hoarding behaviours.Reflect on positive moments, gently acknowledge the problems.Find positive coping mechanisms, assess their effectiveness, and make gradual changes. -
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We need to talk about hoarding and physical disabilities, chronic illness, and chronic pain. With the inimitable Dr. Jan Eppingstall, I look at the unique challenges faced by individuals with disabilities, chronic health conditions who hoard. From the impact of aging on hoarding tendencies to the struggles of navigating a hoarded space while managing chronic pain, we offer insights and practical strategies for those dealing with hoarding and physical limitations. Join us as we delve into the complexities of hoarding and its intersection with physical health challenges in a compassionate and informative discussion.
The Impact of Disabilities on Hoarding BehavioursComplex relationship between hoarding and disabilitiesChronic pain, mental health issues, and agingThe prevalence and severity of hoarding in correlation with aging and physical limitationsThe challenges of categorising people and their impairmentsGender Disparities and Disabilities in Hoarding researchThe association between physical disabilities, chronic illness, and chronic pain with hoarding, particularly among womenThe link between autoimmune diseases, common in women, and hoardingThe impact of poverty on disabilities and hoardingAdvocacy challenges for women with disabilities and hoarding behavioursThe need for women to better acknowledge their achievements without feeling like boastingThe significance of functional impairment in the discussionThe importance of persistently seeking medical help despite the gender pain gap and lack of specificity in symptomsStrategies for individuals to lead a more independent and fulfilling life despite chronic issuesThe effects of giving up on seeking medical help on documenting conditions and receiving appropriate careManaging Hoarding and DisabilitiesBalancing function over appearance for hoarders with chronic health problemsThe individuals' strong attachment to certain aesthetics and struggles in decluttering due to sentimental attachmentPractical ways to seek help and simplify tasks for people with hoarding tendencies, particularly for those living aloneStrategies for managing household tasks despite limited mobilityThe importance of pacing oneself and not pushing beyond physical limitsThe impact of spending time outdoors on mental and physical healthChallenges of Aging and HoardingAccumulation of belongings over a lifetime, particularly among older generationsReluctance to part with items due to sentimental attachment and difficulty decluttering with physical limitationsThe isolation and loneliness experienced by older individuals in decluttering and organising tasksAddressing the challenges faced by hoarders with physical limitations, including lifting, fine motor skills, and brain fogThe impact of limited energy and the need for careful prioritisation of tasksLiving with Physical Health Problems in a Hoarded EnvironmentThe physical and emotional challenges of living with physical health problemsManaging disabilities and planning, scheduling appointments, and attending to physical needs in a hoarded spaceThe increased energy consumption living in a hoarded spaceNavigating chronic pain and strategies to manage dehoarding tasks even on bad pain daysDifferentiating between tasks that move the needle and those that simply paper over the cracksHoarding research shows self-selection bias towards females.Hoarding increases with age, affecting functionality.Disability requires more planning and preparation.Living with physical limitations is never straightforward.Self-compassion improved my situation.Avoid pushing too hard, limit activities to 3 hours.Hoarding and function over appearance for health.Assessing and adjusting belongings to create harmony.Study on disability assessments, measuring functional impairment in 6 areas.Moving away from cause and effect to individual change and vulnerability.More planning for disability due to brain fog.People underestimate complexity of physical disabilities. -
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Today, I look at the impact of micro trends on our lives and how they are contributing to clutter and excessive consumption and the additional challenges hoarders face in this ever-evolving landscape of trends. I look at identifying our true style beyond societal pressures and resisting the temptation of constantly changing trendy items. Join me to explore the consequences of indulging in micro trends, the environmental impact of fast fashion, and strategies to make mindful purchasing decisions in a world dominated by fleeting trends.
Impact of Microtrends on Hoarding BehaviourHoarders facing unique challenges with microtrendsConsequences of indulging in microtrends such as financial strain and accumulation of belongingsResisting the Temptation of MicrotrendsAvoiding constantly changing trendy itemsThought exercise to identify personal style beyond external influencesUnderstanding individual style versus succumbing to marketing influencesQuestioning motivations behind purchasing new trendsMindful Purchasing and Consumption"One in, one out" approach to purchasesDelaying purchases to assess genuine interestIdentifying if existing items can serve the same purposeEvolution of Trends and Impact of Social MediaTrends in fashion and design propelled by personal expression and corporate marketingAcceleration of trends through social media platformsAccumulation of items due to shorter trend cycles and excessive consumptionEnvironmental and Social ImpactProduction and consumption of fast, low-quality products contributing to wasteStruggle of charity shops to sell items from past micro trendsEncouraging individuals to opt out of supporting fleeting trendsBy addressing these topics, the podcast provides a comprehensive exploration of how microtrends impact hoarding behaviour, strategies for resisting trends, and insights into the broader societal and environmental implications of excessive consumption.FOMO in micro trends: dopamine, immediate reward.Consider the real reasons for wanting something.Consider delaying purchases to avoid micro trends.Hoarders face challenges with microtrends, self-control.Desire for personalization and expression; trends and fashions driven by corporations to fuel spending.Accumulation of unused items, struggle to declutter.FOMO in micro trends leads to regretful charity shop donations.Questioning motives, mindful consumption.Consider delaying purchases to assess true desire and value. Immediate craving may indicate fleeting trend.Microtrends are a challenge for hoarders, leading to more stuff, less money, and self-doubt. -
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-140-how-to-cope-with-or-help-a-partner-who-hoards-with-laura-silverstein-certified-gottman-couples-therapist/
This week, I’m with Laura Silverstein, a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, who is a genius on how couples can improve their communication and the way they take each other’s needs into account. So we explore the complexities of living with a hoarding partner and the impact it has on relationships.
Laura provides anecdotes and advice on setting healthy boundaries, initiating difficult conversations, and the role of a therapist in couples therapy. We also discuss the value of authentic communication, empathy, and the idea that love requires continuous effort.
We look at the difficulties non-hoarding partners face in understanding their hoarding significant other, the impact of unresolved conflicts, and the evolving perception of quirks in a relationship. The conversation highlights the importance of open and honest communication, emphasising the need for both partners to be involved in decluttering decisions.
Join us as we talk about coping with – and helping – a hoarding partner in a relationship.
Living with a Hoarding PartnerChallenges for the non-hoarding partnerUnderstanding hoarding behaviourImpact of conflict in relationshipsApproaching hoarding issues as a coupleCommunication and Decision MakingImportance of open and honest communicationInvolving the hoarding partner in decluttering decisionsExamples of different approaches to declutteringSetting Boundaries and Deal BreakersClear communication and healthy boundary settingCommunicating core needs with a partnerA therapist's role in helping couples set boundariesCouples Therapy and Relationship DynamicsRole of a Therapist in Couples TherapyEncouraging honest and respectful communicationThe goal of therapy in relationshipsValuing the time spent in a relationshipInitiating and Navigating Difficult ConversationsApproaching conversations in a positive and constructive wayThe "I like, I wish, I wonder" framework for expressing emotions and requestsThe importance of clear communication and avoiding misunderstandingsBuilding and Sustaining RelationshipsAcknowledging each partner's needsSignificance of authenticity, empathy, and mutual understandingChallenging topic of hoarding and relationship conflict.Understanding and accepting challenges of hoarding disorder.Improving communication, appreciating efforts, and showing love.Authenticity in relationships and understanding partner's pain.Respect partner's wisdom, avoid secrets and betrayal.Honesty and understanding create helpful solutions.Fear of hurtful conversations hinders creative solutions.Setting boundaries is important for relationships.Progress is non-linearSeeking respectful closure through difficult conversations is success.Leaving with integrity and seeking support.It's important to normalise conflict and focus on repairing relationships through understanding, communication, and meeting each other's needs.Importance of embracing differences in love and relationships.Advocate for needsCommon conflict communication pattern is attack-defend.Skilled communication improves relationships.Acknowledging past communication issues, understanding partner's challenges, emphasising authenticity and love in communication.Authentic empathy and communication are key in addressing relationship struggles and finding mutual understanding and support.Focus on trust and communication in relationships to address hoarding issues.Discussing how to handle hoarding sensitively and considering different scenarios before making decisions.Honest communication and creativity in relationships.Fear of difficult conversations hinders creativity and problem-solving in relationships.Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining integrity in relationships.Success in helping people navigate difficult relationship conversations, with respect and support.Success is about integrity and treating your partner well, whether working through difficulties or parting ways. - もっと表示する
