エピソード
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Dr. Cheryl, how can I express my true self?
Why do I feel the need to hide from the world?
How can I work through my anger?
We all play a hundred different roles and contain multitudes, but what are the masks you wear? And who are the goblins, demons, and vampires that plague you?
Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a Dharma Talk where I teach about ideas that can feel much spookier than the ghosts and ghouls of Halloween.
What is your shadow self? What are the parts of yourself you don't like to look at? What are the parts of you that are your darker self from trauma, fear, and need? The more we can look at the masks we wear, the more we can examine the costumes we wear, the more we can have moments of grace and less suffering.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
We sometimes forget we're a whole conglomeration of shifting roles and personality traits (07:51)
Where you put your attention, energy goes (24:13)
We all have inner demons but when we repress or ignore them, they find their way out—usually in destructive ways (35:47)
Hatred is illusory. Hatred is a state of mind that we can learn to see through and dissolve without taking unwholesome action (46:38)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Missed registering for the Become Passion program? We can help you out! The first live class is this weekend.
Email [email protected] and we can try to get you in the back door!
Dr. Cheryl, how can I learn to sincerely apologize?
Should I be worried that my partner and I fight?
How can I make up with my partner after we argue?
Imagine I install a camera in your home and record everything you say to your partner for a week—would you be comfortable sharing that footage with your nearest and dearest? The good, the bad, and the ugly? Or would you be ashamed and embarrassed at how you speak and interact with your sweetheart, especially in times of anger or frustration?
Human beings in relationships are going to have disagreements—that’s a fact of life. It sounds harsh, but if most people actually recorded themselves for a week and listened back to the way they spoke to their partner, they would be very disappointed in themselves. The trick is to make sure you and your honey both have the tools to have disagreements that aren’t destructive - disagreements that actually help bring you closer together. I know, right?
In this throwback episode, I talk about why a sincere vow to do better is one of the most important tools in your relationship arsenal, and why a mindful apology is an art in and of itself. I teach you the value of what I call “do-over. This love hack is super beneficial when you’re arguing with your sweetie. In fact, I’ll show you how you can start practicing the technique today. Speaking kindly and thoughtfully to your partner is an integral part of a successful relationship. We can’t just sit back and wait for our relationships to become fabulous and earth-shattering—we’re responsible for creating that ourselves...
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
If you’re just sitting around and waiting for passion—good luck with that! YOU are responsible for creating a great relationship. (04:26)
When you're agitated, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol, creating temporary aggression and irrationality (06:24)
The opposite of kind speech is ugly speech. This includes name-calling, swearing at one another, and using absolute language. (09:50)
If you’re in a relationship with a real, live human being who’s not six feet under, you’re going to have disagreements… and that’s totally fine. (12:45)
Don’t make excuses—apologize like a mofo. (14:44)
Your weekly LoveByte. (24:29)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
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Why is it so important to work on your relationship? Because when you neglect it, it grows stagnant. A love affair is a lot like a garden—if you don't tend to it, it gets overgrown with weeds.
Want to revive your communication and your sex life? Are you ready to reignite love, romance, and passion and fall in love with your partner all over again—without years of counseling, silly quick-fix gimmicks, or endless relationship theories that don't give you the tools that actually work?
Become Passion kicks off October 11th. Learn more about the program and register HERE.
Curious but still want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
“Dr. Cheryl, why is my marriage so boring?”
“How do I make my relationship more fun?”
“Is it over for me and my partner?”
Join me today for part four of my chat with my hubby where we talk about all things Become Passion, including some of our favorite moments from past sessions and all the ways we work on our love.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
My Become Passion program is kicking off THIS Friday—and there are still a few slots left for couples just like YOU (01:04)
My hubby and I made our own marriage missteps before we found each other (04:33)
The desire to know each other's hopes and dreams is what tends to die in the first couple years of a relationship (09:46)
If you’re bored with your partner, it's because your own mind is boring (13:27)
If you want to create meaningful change, you need to be able to bring up and gently hold the resentments and the hurts of the years gone by (31:13)
Today’s LoveByte (39:47)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
I'm a sex expert— That means my sex life is like a romantic comedy mixed with an erotic novel, right? Well, a lot of that used to be true, but things don’t always stay all sunshine, butterflies, and constant bunny rabbit sex…
Want to revive your communication, romance, and sex life? Learn and practice The 3 Keys To Great Relationship so you can become one of those rare couples who are deeply connected, happy, romantic & affectionate with my FREE online Passion Masterclass. Register now - pick the day and time that work for you and your partner!
Want to know more about my 3 month couples program? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
“Dr. Cheryl, why don’t my partner and I connect like we used to?”
“How do I spice up my sex life with my spouse?”
“Am I in a sexless marriage?”
Join me today for part three of my chat with my hubby where we cover sensuality and all things sex—when it's easy, when it's not, and what to do about it.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
My FREE Passion masterclass is happening the first week of October—and I won’t be teaching it for another 18 months
The lust you have for a stranger is a fleeting thing (05:57)
Menopause can cause a radical downshift in a couple’s sex life (15:38)
Sexuality is neglected in long term couples—but there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not having constant spontaneous desire (21:09)
There are biological reasons for our lust to fade in a long term relationship (29:36)
Top Tip? Schedule Sex!
Today’s LoveByte (39:19)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
What does a love and sex expert do when she gets into an argument with her husband? She acts like an absolute queen, uses all of her skills and never makes a mistake, and should win an Oscar for incredible communication skills, right? Well, it’s not quite so simple…
Want to revive your communication, romance, and sex life? Learn and practice The 3 Keys To Great Relationship so you can become one of those rare couples who are deeply connected, happy, romantic & affectionate with my FREE online Passion Masterclass. Register now - pick the day and time that work for you and your partner!
Want to know more about my 3 month couples program? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
“Dr. Cheryl, why is open communication so hard?”
“How can I be more honest with my sweetheart?”
“Why are my partner and I constantly fighting?”
Join me today for part two of my chat with my hubby where we’re talking about communication, conflict resolution, and the intimacy side of the Passion Triangle.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
My FREE Passion masterclass is happening the first 3 days of October—and I won’t be teaching it for another 18 months (03:20)
The rituals that my hubby and I practice to stay connected (07:25)
When a person is emotionally flooded, all sense goes out the window (13:26)
Touch can be a great way to come back into alignment after a nasty fight (19:25)
There's more to partnership than just coexisting under the same roof (26:37)
Today’s LoveByte (40:35)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Meet my hubby! Ever wondered what it would be like to be married to a world famous sex and love expert? On today’s episode, I’m sitting down for an interview with my very own hubby to get his take on all things Sex, Love, and Elephants. We talk about how important it is to keep the Thrill alive - and how we do that ourselves.
Are you ready to create love and passion that last a lifetime? The doors for my exclusive 12-week immersion program open October 1! Join me for one of my FREE WORKSHOPS in early October to learn more. Click here to join the Become Passion waitlist today.
“Dr. Cheryl, how can I treat my partner better?
“What are some ways to connect more fully with my spouse?”
“Why is my relationship so boring now vs when we were first dating?”
We’re all human beings with our own issues, our own patterns, childhoods, and previous relationships. Sometimes, those things can ambush us and our partners… and even renowned sex and love professionals aren’t immune to it!
Want to know more about my program? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
This October is your last chance to join my Become Passion program for an entire year (02:52)
The danger of Marriage Incorporated and boredom (05:19)
Placing your hand over your partner’s heart can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and help them to calm down (06:59)
My hubby and I waited to have sex for the first five weeks of dating—and it made that intimacy all the more exciting (11:37)
Why THRILL is so important and how you and your sweetheart need to make an effort to keep romance, spark, and interest alive (21:02)
Today’s LoveByte (36:39)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Are you ready to create love and passion that last a lifetime? The doors for my exclusive 12-week immersion program open October 1! Join me for one of my FREE WORKSHOPS in early October to learn more. Click here to join the Become Passion waitlist today.
“Dr. Cheryl, I screwed up my relationship… Please HELP!”
“How can I fix my broken marriage?”
“Is there a way to bring back the intimacy and thrill in my relationship?”
If you and your honey could begin again, how would you do things differently? Maybe you weren’t so attentive when you were dating, maybe last week when you had an ugly repeating argument, or maybe you realized you were neglecting a really important aspect of your relationship…
On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you how my Passion Triangle can allow you and your sweetheart to develop a whole new perspective on your relationship.
Unless somebody out there has a time machine, it’s impossible to go back and redo those earlier phases—but if you could do it over again, would you?
Want to know more about my program? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
The Become Passion program starts this October and is full of real couples with real problems—just like you and your sweetie (02:25)
My Passion Triangle is made up of sensuality, thrill, and intimacy (04:38)
Intimacy is more than sex, it’s about psychological communication, too (07:15)
Many couples have repeating issues and arguments because most of us were never taught conflict resolution (11:17)
Thrill means making the effort to fall in love again with the one we're already with (17:59)
30-40% of long term couples are in what is clinically defined as a sexless relationship (21:11)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl, why are relationships so hard?!”
“Is there an easier way to connect with my partner?”
“My spouse and I no longer ‘click’—what’s wrong with us?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is another flashback to my Summer of Love series from a few years ago. In it, I talk about why we struggle so much with the thing we longed for AND why that struggle doesn’t make us a bad person.
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
We all are with the wrong person if we expect them to make us happy all the time (04:07)
In my Become Passion program, you’ll learn to how to fall back in love with the one you're already with (07:41)
Having a great relationship isn’t easy—it takes real, hard work (10:24)
We’ve all got baggage, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing (21:26)
Love Stinks and it's not your fault (24:03)
This week’s LoveByte (28:06)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl, our sex life is so boring! How can we bring fun back to our bedroom?”
“Why don’t I ever feel horny toward my partner anymore?”
“How do I know if my relationship is great?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of my all-time favorite couples Q&A episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I’m teaching you my 3 predictors of a great relationship and sharing some really dire stats on the sex lives of average North Americans—that you DON’T have to fall into!
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
“Nipple, nipple, crotch, good-night” sex is totally common… and totally boring (05:10)
The three keys to a great relationship: intimacy, communication, conflict resolution (07:37)
We all want sex to be spontaneous… but scheduling intimacy is one of the major keys to getting your spark back (10:17)
The majority of long term couples make love from a place of sexual neutrality—and it’s actually very sexy! (15:30)
Waiting around for spontaneous desire is kind of like waiting around for your teenager to spontaneously offer to clean out the garage (18:04)
This week’s LoveByte (28:45)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl… I feel like my wife and I are more friends and roommates than lovers. How can we bring sexy back?”
“Why do men only care about sex and not romance?”
“What are some great date ideas to reconnect with my partner?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of my all-time favorite couples Q&A episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I’m busting the myth that men don’t care about romance and telling you why dates are one of the most exciting parts of dating.
I also teach you why the thrill of the chase is so important evolutionarily, why we have to learn to make time alone with one another, and why it’s so easy to fall into a pattern of relationship complacency.
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program! This twelve-week immersion couples program with me, Dr. Cheryl, starts this October.
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
It’s not just women who miss the romance when it leaves a relationship (07:59)
The excitement of dating comes from the chase and the courtship (12:40)
Dates aren’t a place to talk about the kids or the household concerns, they’re a place to connect on a one-on-one level (15:57)
The adventure date, the cooperation date, and the curiosity date are all great ideas for reconnecting with your sweetheart (17:14)
This week’s LoveByte (34:30)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl, can my honey and I become more compatible?”
“I’m a homebody and my partner is a social butterfly… will our relationship last?”
“How can a couple succeed in love even if they’re very different?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of some of my all-time favorite couples Q&A episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I’m talking about introverts, extroverts, and extroverted introverts.
I’m also telling you that YES, it is possible to make things work between two very different people and how compatibility begins in the mind.
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
An introvert replenishes with quiet and solitude (03:20)
Compatibility with your partner is all in your head (10:08)
You can be rapturously happy, deeply in love, and have an extraordinary relationship—even if you are wildly different people (11:39)
Oftentimes the differences aren’t the problem... The problems come when we fail at our approach (16:40)
If you focus on the ways you’re not compatible—on the big and small irritations—you will fester a growing wound (19:22)
This week’s LoveByte (26:31)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl… Why am I so turned on by the idea of being sexually dominated?”
“How can I explore my sexual fantasies?”
“Is it healthy to indulge in sexual fantasy?
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of my all-time favorite couples Q&A episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I’m talking all about the beauty of sexual fantasies, why they’re healthy, and I’m debunking some ideas from that popular erotic book series.
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
50 Shades of Grey is a dumb book—but there’s a reason it captured so many imaginations (5:04)
The number one heterosexual female fantasy? Ravishment (08:24)
The ravishment fantasy is so pervasive because it gives women a way to justify their raw sexual energy (12:20)
Exploring your sexual fantasies is healthy and empowering as long as it's not hurting anyone and everyone gives consent (20:58)
My new favorite Netflix show features the Mary Poppins of sex and makes couples’ fantasies a reality (24:45)
This week’s LoveByte (27:49)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Resources mentioned:
How to Build a Sex Room on Netflix
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl, is it time to break up with my verbally abusive partner?”
“My partner and I fall into verbally abusive patterns, how can we overcome this?”
“How do I know if my spouse is verbally abusing me?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of some of my all-time favorite couples Q&A episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I’m sharing my advice for those of you that are wondering if verbal abuse in a relationship can ever be overcome.
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
How to identify verbal abuse (4:34)
The importance of taking a time out when you’re flooded (11:57)
An example of a non-verbally abusive, highly emotional person (16:39)
That there are countless ways to learn how to fight fair, apologize, and forgive (24:46)
If you should break up with your verbally abusive partner (27:50)
This week’s LoveByte (30:39)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“ Dr. Cheryl, my honey and I never fight… Is that okay?”
“My partner avoids all conflict with me, what can I do?”
“How can my spouse and I learn to communicate more effectively?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is part of a series of some of my all-time favorite episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I talk about why a lack of conflict can spell major issues for your relationship—and what you can do to help before it’s too late.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
Zero conflict can spell trouble for your relationship (04:29)
Everyone has a different communication style—which isn’t necessarily a bad thing (05:29)
Your health and happiness in your relationship may be in trouble if you don't learn how to talk about the difficult topics (07:02)
There’s nothing wrong with you if your nature is to avoid conflict, but it isn’t healthy to sweep things under the rug (09:31)
A technique to begin cleaning out all that crap under the rug (14:49)
This week’s LoveByte (21:05)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
“Dr. Cheryl, is it time for me to leave my relationship?”
“I think my marriage is over… will I regret my decision to split?”
“How do I know if there’s still hope for my sweetheart and me?”
Today’s Sex, Love, and Elephants is the first in a series of some of my all-time favorite episodes that I did a few summers ago. In it, I talk about when to give your relationship another shot—and when it’s time to let it go.
This episode is a couples Q&A series with one of my number one most asked questions: “How do I know when it’s time to leave?”
Tune in and hear what I’ve learned from my decades of work with couples just like you.
Are you ready to reconnect with your honey? To create love and passion that last a lifetime? Join the Become Passion waitlist and hear more about the program!
Want to know more? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
When is it time to leave a relationship? Only you and your partner can answer that—but I can help you decide (03:47)
But…If you are in a dangerous, sexually coercive, physically or otherwise abusive relationship, this episode is not for you. Please seek crisis help immediately (07:05)
Research shows that about 50% of people who leave a committed relationship DO regret it. Maybe it’s not too late to begin again (12:03)
Chances are, if you leave one committed relationship, you’ll recouple. That’s our nature as a species. (13:53)
So much of our relationship misery can be rehabilitated (23:04)
This week’s LoveByte (33:58)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
“Dr. Cheryl, my spouse is driving me crazy! How can I fall in love with them again?”
“I’m constantly annoyed by my partner, is it time to break up?”
“Why is my sweetheart always doing things to piss me off?!”
Think about a negative thought you’ve had about your partner—one that you might not be so eager to share publicly. Maybe they were late for a meaningful dinner, maybe they neglected an important chore, or maybe they even forgot about your anniversary… You were probably pretty irritated, right? But what if I were to tell you that it’s all about the way you react?
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you how to love what is and how we can be more grateful for the extraordinarily lucky lives that we lead.
The stories you tell yourself can ruin your relationship, ruin your happiness, and even ruin your health. If you’re upset, disgruntled, or put off by your partner’s mundane mistakes or actions, it's your problem, not your sweetie’s.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
87 to 92% of people eventually recouple after a divorce, a break up, or being widowed (01:24)
The misery in your head is in your head (05:27)
Don’t allow a negative story to take up room in your head and ruin your day (08:41)
Changing a behavioral habit is hard and it takes repetition (14:51)
You are the one who makes yourself happy or not (18:12)
Today’s LoveByte (22:34)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
“Dr. Cheryl, my marriage is so boring—HELP!”
“How can I bring back the magic and spark to my relationship?”
“Why was my partner so much more attractive when we were first dating?”
Don't wait for a wake up call. Don't wait for an affair. Don't wait until your husband gets a diagnosis that scares the hell out of you—and don't wait for a sudden death. Don't wait until it's too late to show up and love the one you love.
On this episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about Marriage Incorporated and how you can best avoid complacency and boredom in your relationship… before it’s too late.
You want to learn how to have a much better, stronger relationship. Today, we’re talking about cultivating more love, more interest, more kindness, more peacefulness, and how to really be more like we were when we were falling in love.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
If you are in Marriage Incorporated, you may be having a really nice life, but you’re roommates, not partners (06:30)
You were a lot nicer to your partner when you were dating (16:20)
If you lose your partner suddenly, you’ll quickly realize that, no matter how fraught the relationship has been, you’ll have regrets if you haven't loved well (17:41)
All too often in this short, wonderful, and precious life, we run out of time (23:06)
Your weekly LoveByte (32:27)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants is one of my favorites from the early days of the podcast. In it, I talk about why a sincere vow to do better is one of the most important tools in your relationship arsenal, and why a mindful apology is an art in and of itself.
If I installed a camera in your home and recorded everything you said to your partner for a week—would you be comfortable sharing that footage with your nearest and dearest? The good, the bad, and the ugly? Or would you be ashamed and embarrassed at how you speak and interact with your sweetheart, especially in times of anger or frustration?
Human beings in relationships are going to have disagreements—that’s a fact of life. It sounds harsh, but if most people actually recorded themselves for a week and listened back to the way they spoke to their partner, they would be very disappointed in themselves. The trick is to make sure you and your honey both have the tools to have disagreements that aren’t destructive—disagreements that actually help bring you closer together. I know, right?
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
YOU are responsible for creating a great relationship (04:26)
When you're agitated, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol, creating temporary aggression and irrationality (06:24)
The opposite of kind speech is ugly speech (09:50)
If you’re in a relationship with a real, live human being, you’re going to have disagreements… and that’s totally fine. (12:45)
Don’t make excuses—apologize like a mofo (14:44)
Your weekly LoveByte (24:29)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.
“Dr. Cheryl, why am I so unhappy?”
“I’m always upset—How can I learn to go with the flow?”
“Nothing good ever happens to me, what’s the secret to happiness?”
Why is it that we’re so puzzled about the fundamental ground of what leads to more happiness and less suffering? As it turns out, there is a way to be happy for no reason, a way to have a better, healthier relationship with the person you love, and a way to be a better person.
Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a Dharma Talk that I gave last month on happiness, negativity, and the coping mechanisms we use to deal with it all.
Tune in and hear my teachings about the most universal experiences that none of us get to escape and the fact that we, as humans, don’t get to change reality.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
We’re all going to die—it’s important to make time for wholesome activities (01:40)
Reality sucks sometimes, mortality and loss and suffering is real (10:01)
How we react to big, difficult, painful losses is our choice (18:57)
We cling and try to manipulate reality so it works for us, but it’s a fool's errand (25:48)
Today’s LoveByte (50:54)
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram -
Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz
“Dr. Cheryl, why am I always so pessimistic about my relationship?”
“How can my partner and I be more positive about one another?”
“Why can’t my sweetheart do anything right?!”
It may be 2024, but we still have brains that evolved from the cave days. Over the eons, our brains have developed certain survival patterns that have held on in even the most intelligent minds. One of those leftover base instincts that we’re still coping with today is negativity bias and it just might be the biggest issue in your relationship.
On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about negativity bias and the importance of thinking positively about your partner.
Today is all about training your mind to do a better job of defaulting toward a positive point of view. I’m giving you a few short examples and some more elaborate models and exercises that you can do to bolster your relationship with your sweetheart.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
If your partner is consistently rude and condescending—even if it’s not directed toward you—it needs to be addressed (03:40)
Our minds tend to look for what's wrong and not what’s right (08:05)
You do NOT have to say every negative thing that comes to mind (15:32)
Sharing a home and sharing a life demands graceful compromise (17:04)
Today’s LoveByte (26:11)
Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at [email protected].
Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!
Let’s Connect!
Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here
Youtube
If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz
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