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Have you ever needed to have a conversation but felt terrified to carry it out?
I'm sure that like all of us, you have. The sad thing is that few of us ever learned how to have difficult conversations.
Fear not—help is here! Two people who are experts at dealing with difficult conversations are the guests on this very episode. They are no strangers to this topic, nor are they strangers to SuperPsyched! They are none other than the powerful duo of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Many years ago, they wrote the classic book Getting the Love You Want. I give this book out frequently to people at my practice and it yields great results. And Harville has been on the Oprah Winfrey show several times, the first of which became the episode that led Oprah to her first Emmy Award!
You will hear in this interview how these two masters of couple therapy have applied their tool called Safe Conversations to any type of potentially dangerous conversation: at the workplace, at home, or with friends talking about political differences that might get heated! I like thinking of Safe Conversations as being personal protective equipment to handle potentially combustible topics! Their new book is called How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations. I loved the book and was blown away by how applicable their technology for having Safe Conversations can be to any relationship.
So, listen in and learn how Harville and Helen can help you talk to anyone about anything.
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There’s an ancient story of multiple blind men touching an elephant on different parts of its body. And each man emphatically states what the elephant is based on the body part. The guy touching the leg says the elephant is a tree trunk. The guy touching the ear says it’s a huge pancake. The guy at the tail says it’s a rope, and so on…
Like the elephant parable demonstrates, finding reliable, truthful information can be—to put it mildly—a huge challenge. Oftentimes, we’ll hear a story from one source and another source will contradict it. It can feel overwhelming to figure out what’s what.
A person who may be able to help us is Dr. Alex Edmans (https://alexedmans.com/), Professor of Finance at London Business School and author of a book I loved called May Contain Lies: How Stories, Statistics, and Studies Exploit Our Biases―And What We Can Do about It. The book received praise from scientific journals, the media, and thought leaders like Dr. Kim Milkman, a well-known professor at Wharton, who said it was “required reading.”Alex shares how we can think like scientists. He has strategies to help us find our way through the mire of contradicting data, find our way out of our own biases and cognitive distortions, and find our way into more accurate information.
So, listen in as Alex helps us figure out what we can do to see that elephant more accurately.
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These days, we hear on 24-hour news channels that the United States is more fractured than ever. We’ve got red, we’ve got blue, and never shall the two see eye to eye.
Yet, in reality, we are more alike than we are led to believe. Think about it: is there anyone in your life who you love but who has different ideas as they relate to religion, politics, or any other divisive issue? I can think of many people, and I imagine you can too.
Further, Pew Research suggests that our opinions come from our parents as over 80% of us have ideals that are very close to those of our parents. I am confident there are ways we can find common ground as people whose parents think differently!
For this timely episode, I’m welcoming back UC Santa Barbara professor of psychology, Dr. Tania Israel. I first had her on the podcast four years ago when she had written her acclaimed book on speaking to people outside our bubbles and now for her new book, Facing the Fracture: How to Navigate the Challenges of Living in a Divided Nation. Tania shares ways we can connect with people from our shared humanity despite our differences, and she dispels myths that we are so different as we’re being led to believe.
So, listen in as Tania talks with us about facing the fracture and connecting with people who we’ve been led to believe are so different from ourselves.
Source: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/05/10/most-us-parents-pass-along-their-religion-and-politics-to-their-children/
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Funny fact: until the 90s, research psychologists did not really study happiness. According to University of Pennsylvania professor, Dr. Martin Seligman, they avoided it because it was so difficult to define or quantify. And, get this, he said that for every 100 studies on depression, there may have been 1 on happiness.
In short, we were good at reducing depression but not so good at finding happiness.
That was until the early 2000s when the rigorous study of what makes us happy called Positive Psychology emerged. I have studied Positive Psychology intensely and you regularly hear me talk about it, because it is endlessly fascinating and helpful.
A few months ago, I attended a training called Happier Hour: Life Hacks for Well-being (https://happierhour.com/ ) given by my guest, Dr. Robin Engelman, where we learned how to engage daily habits to increase our happiness. She is also a psychologist in private practice in the Bay area and a fellow positive psychology practitioner, so I knew we’d have a lively conversation. I loved every second of it, and you will too! Robin has worked in a wide variety of settings, including many years at a maximum-security prison as well as with movie stars on the Oprah Channel.
So, listen in as Robin and I geek out to the research on happiness and how you can have a happier hour!
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Dating is a topic that shows up frequently in my office—and understandably so. The process can feel fraught with awkwardness, vulnerability, joy, disappointment, and so many other traits that, at times, it can seem overwhelming to the dater.
And dating is such an important skill because our love lives tend to be one of the most crucial areas of our entire lives. Yet, despite its importance, there are no classes taught in school on how to do this well. We’re kind of expected to “just know” what to do!Thankfully, there are folks out there like dating expert Sabrina Zohar (https://www.sabrinazohar.com/) to help people through the challenging mazes of dating. Sabrina offers a whole package of help for people in the dating world, whether it’s her podcast, coaching, or other services. Throughout our interview, I found her to be highly intelligent, wise, energetic, and incredibly fun!
So, listen in as Sabrina walks us through dating pitfalls and solutions.
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I have some very exciting news: the book I have been working on for the last 20 months is finally available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other outlets!
It took me years to figure out the subject of the book that I had to write. When I did, it took ahold of me and didn’t let go until I was finished. The subject became clear to me after providing approximately 20,000 hours of psychotherapy, 200 podcast interviews, and reading dozens of books. In all these experiences, there was a common theme: they all talked about the importance of connection.
The only problem was, I hadn’t heard connection defined in the four ways we can experience it which, as I see it, includes connection to ourselves, others, the world, and to something greater.
The book is called Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love. I am so grateful that it has received supportive blurbs from scores of my favorite thought leaders like Lori Gottlieb, Daniel Pink, Guy Kawasaki, Mel Robbins, and many others.
So, I thought I would do something different for this episode. One of the best interviewers I have ever known is Bronwyn Saglimbeni. Bronwyn is renowned for her abilities to help people with communication, serving as the top coach for the TEDx event at Stanford University where she coached people like Dr. Phil Zimbardo and dozens of other successful speakers. Bronwyn hosted me on her podcast called 20 Minutes with Bronwyn several times and got me into the podcast world and she even coached me for both of my TEDx talks. And as you will hear, she has just the right energy to bring out mine! So, a hearty thanks to Bronwyn for joining me as she interviews me and lets me be the guest on my own podcast!
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I’ve heard it said that the quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. I agree with this idea. I mean, think about it: how many times in your life have you learned something super important just by asking? Children understand this but, sadly, as we age and become more self-conscious of asking questions, we tend to lose this skill.
But with a little effort, we can retrain ourselves to engage in asking questions. Dr. Jeff Wetzler (https://transcendeducation.org/) cares deeply about people leaning into this ability and has written a book I loved called Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life. I am hardly alone in my love for this book. Harvard Business School professor and SuperPsyched guest, Dr. Amy Edmondson said, “…learning how to ask others what they truly think, know, and feel has never been more important.”
I couldn’t agree more!
So, listen in as Jeff shares how to rebuild our abilities to ask, a crucial life skill we may have lost along the way.
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Women contribute enormously to the workplace all over the world. Yet, all too often, their contributions are seen as less important than those of their male colleagues.
And while things may have improved over the years, statistics suggest that women still earn only 84% of what their male counterparts earn.
Clearly, we aren’t where we need to be and this is a topic that needs airtime, awareness, and changes.
I was so happy to speak with Valerie Alexander (www.speakhappiness) about women at work. Valerie has done many things professionally, but I’ll keep it short: she earned a law degree from the UC Berkeley School of Law, she’s written screenplays that have been purchased by large studios, and she’s the author of two books including How Women Can Succeed in the Workplace. I loved the book, and I was so happy to speak with her and share her ideas with you.So, listen in as Valerie and I talk about women at work!
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There are many cultures worldwide and throughout history that have valued age and wisdom. Yet in the US today, ageism is prevalent. Too many modern Americans of a certain age who feel self-conscious about making a reference to an old TV show or a phenomenon from a while back often use the expression, “I’m dating myself.”
Disparaging our age can be toxic. We’re all aging, and age can bring with it many gifts, especially if, along the way, we’re accruing wisdom, learning more, and improving ourselves.
While we can bemoan the realities of ageism, a better option is to do something. Paul Walborsky (https://openwater.group/) decided to take that option and he created an enterprise that may benefit people of any age. Paul is a seasoned executive and founder whose CV includes SVP at The New York Times, and CEO of multiple startups that have been acquired by giants like Meta. He is currently the co-founder and CEO of OpenWater, an organization whose mission is to connect seasoned professionals with decades of experience and showcase their wisdom to the world.
So, listen in as Paul talks about aging, wisdom, and the strengths of these traits.
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Whether we're stuck in a long line, stuck in traffic, or stuck in some aspect in our lives, being stuck kinda sucks. We've all experienced feeling stuck at some point. I know I have! Don't you wish there was an easy-to-grab resource to help get you unstuck?
Help is here! My colleague, Britt Frank, LCSW, has created The Getting Unstuck Workbook: Practical Tools for Overcoming Fear and Doubt - and Moving Forward with Your Life. This workbook, a follow-up to her book The Science of Stuck, is a valuable resource for navigating those challenging moments.
Join us on SuperPsyched as Britt shares insightful tips on how to get unstuck.
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Have you ever experienced the fear of sharing your opinion at work or had the feeling like you're walking on eggshells in a relationship? The absence of psychological safety probably plays a vital role in each of these scenarios.
Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor, identified psychological safety as a key factor in innovative companies and stable relationships. Amy has won numerous awards including the Most Influential Thinker in Human Resources by HR Magazine in 2019. I loved her book, The Right Kind of Wrong, which delves into this topic, and has won prestigious awards like the Financial Times and Schroders Business Book of the Year in 2023.
Join Amy and me as she shares what psychological safety entails, how to nurture it in professional and personal settings, and why it's crucial for success in both spheres.
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Dreams are fascinating things. Whether we know it or not, we all dream approximately six times per night. We may remember our dreams and even think about them all day. Or we may forget them entirely.
For years, and in many cultures, dreams have held deep meanings. These days, some people continue to mine dreams for their meaning, and I have seen them have tremendous usefulness as a therapist and in my own life.
Dr. James Hollis is a psychologist and a Jungian analyst. He was educated at the Jung Institute in Zurich, Switzerland, and he has written 14 books. I have read several of his books and consider him one of the most important voices in psychology. Jim regularly interprets dreams of his patients and he’s spent a great deal of time interpreting his own.
This is Jim’s second time visiting with me on SuperPsyched and I am so happy to have him back. As you’ll hear, he’s a thoughtful and relatable person. You’ll also hear him interpret one of my own dreams!So, listen in as Jim and I talk about dream interpretation.
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What does it take to become a gold medalist at the Olympics? How about becoming a gold medalist at your third Olympics after coming home without a medal in the first two tries? And what is required to create a team that is in sync and ready for any in-game situation?
My guest answers these questions and more: Olympic men’s volleyball gold medalist Ryan Millar (https://www.goldmmindset.com/)!
As you’ll hear, Ryan is disciplined, and his practices go far beyond sport. We can all learn from what his path has taught him.
So, listen in as Ryan shares the gold medal mindset, here or anywhere you listen to podcasts:
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This particular episode is something of a special one. It features a person I knew in high school but, as you will hear, there was so much about her I didn’t know.
We talk about many important themes including, but not limited to: the importance of narrative, discovering more about your family, and working through narrative and discovery to establish a cohesive sense of self.
While this may sound a bit intellectually challenging, fear not! Everything discussed on this episode is highly relatable!
My guest, Dr. Kathryn DeZur has worked as a professor of English for well over two decades including her most recent position at SUNY Delhi. She is a total delight to speak with and, as you'll hear, a proponent of what SuperPsyched is all about! She is committed to doing things—often things that scare her or intimidate her—but in doing so, allow her to feel most alive.
So, listen in as Kathy and I talk about the power of narrative.
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Imagine being a 12-year-old girl. You are going through the awkward adolescence of any of your peers. But there’s a difference: you’re 6-feet tall. You stand out. And, although you are a person with many great qualities, it’s only your height that people focus on.
But soon you discover rowing. You love the sport. Better still, your height is an asset, a tool that assists you in excelling.
This is the origin story of Olympic Gold Medalist, Caryn Davies. Caryn would go on to study at Harvard and continue rowing there. She sat in the most important position on the boat known as stroke, as she participated in three Olympic Games: Athens, Beijing, and London. She has won two gold medals and one silver. She also won the Thomas Keller Medal, which is the most prestigious award in rowing, and she’s the only American to have ever won it.
As if that weren’t enough, she got her bachelor’s at Harvard, MBA at Oxford, and law degree at Columbia.
There are so many things I admire about Caryn. As you’ll hear, she thinks deeply about sport, excellence, and being a well-rounded person outside of sports. You’ll also hear I’m practically jumping out of my seat with excitement as Caryn tells her stories and shares her wisdom.
So, listen in as Caryn talks about winning in and out of the water.
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These days, artificial intelligence is a hot topic on the news, social media, our workplaces, and our conversations. Yet AI has a long history. One of its pioneers, Dr. Terry Winograd, has been engaging it for well over 50 years.
After finishing his doctorate at MIT, Terry was hired by Stanford University to teach computer science. He’s now professor emeritus at Stanford where he spent the bulk of his career teaching and contributing mightily to the field of computer science. And just to give you a sense of his international impact, let’s consider the h-index, a way to measure the impact of a person’s research. An h-index of 40 is considered outstanding while an h-index of 60 is considered truly exceptional. Terry’s is 70, which means his research made a massive splash and has been frequently cited in order to further knowledge on his subject.
And while at Stanford, two of his doctoral students were none other than Larry Page and Sergey Brin, who would later go on to found Google. You’ll hear that story and so many others.
So, listen in as Terry and I talk about AI and Google, then and now.
Sources: https://web.cs.ucla.edu/~palsberg/h-number.html and https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10025721/#:~:text=It%20is%20simple%20to%20calculate,had%20h%2Dindex%20of%2030.
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Love is a funny word. To be sure, it’s a word that has been used a lot on this podcast particularly as it relates to our love of people. These people could be a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or another meaningful interpersonal relation.
But what about our love of things? We might love our houses, our phones, certain types of food, a brand, or a kajillion other things, both tangible and intangible.
On this episode I will be interviewing Dr. Aaron Ahuvia (https://thethingswelove.com/), a professor of marketing at the University of Michigan-Dearborn College of Business, who is the most widely published and cited academic expert on non-interpersonal love. His latest book, The Things We Love: How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are, explores our love of things that are not human.
Speaking of things I love, I loved this book! And I’m not alone. Publisher’s Weekly said, “This stimulating volume is easy to love.”
So, listen in as Aaron and I talk about the things we love.
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Anti-Jewish sentiment might be the world’s longest hatred. Historical documents suggest Jews have experienced this hatred for over 2,000 years, well before the Common Era even began. It would continue through various eras, including the Roman Era, the Inquisition, and the Holocaust.
And it continues today. Hate crimes against Jews have gone up by 400% in the US compared to last year.
So many questions arise, including the obvious: why are Jews so hated and what can we do to help?
Jewish hatred confuses me deeply. Jews are a people who comprise about 0.2% of the world's population, yet they have been at the forefront of major social justice movements and scientific breakthroughs. Jews show up consistently to lend a hand in repairing the world in disproportionately high numbers considering they comprise only a fraction of a percent of the population.
In this episode, you’ll hear two Jewish psychologists discussing anti-Jewish sentiment, misunderstandings that lead to antisemitism, and myths and truths. It is my hope that people can walk away with a better understanding of why this is a misplaced hatred. And, of course, we discuss what we can do to support Jewish people. My colleague, Dr. Liya Levanda (https://www.drlevanda.com/) is a psychologist and educator who specializes in teaching others about Jewish issues like antisemitism. As you'll hear, she's thoughtful and very well-informed.
So, listen in as Liya talks with me about supporting Jews through antisemitism.
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Sometimes when we hear about the climate crisis, we can feel a sense of hopelessness. As a result, our anxieties can spike and there’s even a term for it: Eco-Anxiety.
One thing I have learned about anxiety—eco-anxiety or other forms of it—is that the more we avoid the thing that makes us anxious, the more the anxiety increases. If you’re asking, “What can I do about the environment and my own eco-anxiety?” then this episode is for you.
Two years ago, I hosted Heather White, a licensed attorney and the author of One Green Thing, on this podcast and we geeked out to the topic of eco-anxiety. She’s returning with her new book, 60 Days to a Greener Life: Ease Eco-anxiety Through Joyful Daily Action. I loved this book because it acknowledges that despite the crisis, we must live our lives and that we can’t do all the things. But we can do some things. And the book shares small daily exercises that are easy and actionable that leverage our personal strengths, allowing each of us to lead from those strengths to improve the health of the planet. When we do these things alone, it may seem like not much will affect change of the state of the planet; but when we do this collectively, as Heather suggests, the outcome can be quite different.
By the way, another person who loved this book was someone I know you’ve heard of—Erin Brockovich. She said, “I call Heather the Brené Brown of the environmental movement because she makes environmental action personal, doable, and joyful.”
So, listen in as Heather talks about 60 days to a greener life.
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Vaping. It seems to be everywhere these days. Sure, adults engage in vaping but, sadly, so do adolescents and even children at very high numbers.
There have been all kinds of myths as they relate to vaping and, as always, it is crucial to listen to the experts who know the science. One such person is Dr. Adam Leventhal (https://keck.usc.edu/faculty-search/adam-matthew-leventhal/). Adam is a professor at Keck School of Medicine at USC where he serves as Professor of Population and Public Health Sciences as well as the Director of the Institute for Addiction Science.As his title suggests, he’s the guy from whom I would want to learn and I am so grateful he shared his knowledge.So, listen in as Adam and Adam talk about vaping, the myths and realities.
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