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Kelly Wilkinson knew she was in danger. She had a code phrase ready—"I'm considering moving back to Ohio"—to signal to her family that her life was at risk. But before she could use it, her worst fears came true.
This episode delves into a story of domestic abuse, systemic negligence, and a preventable tragedy. We explore how societal and institutional failures contribute to these heartbreaking outcomes and why Australia, with its relatively smaller population, sees approximately one woman per week killed by an intimate partner.
How can we hold systems accountable for their role in failing victims? And what needs to change to ensure no other family endures this pain?
What You’ll Learn:
Who was Kelly Wilkinson?Family code words and safety planning in domestic violence situationsThe role systemic failures played in Kelly’s preventable murder.The scheme behind Brian Earl Johnston's abuse of Kelly.How police negligence and judicial complacency left Kelly unprotected.The social and institutional issues of domestic violence in Australia.Ideas Worth Sharing:
“If a mother is being abused, then guess what? So are the children. Even if it's just that they're witnessing their mother being abused, that's abuse.” - Tressa Brady“Australia is a country of about 26 million people, so less than Florida's population. And yet, approximately one woman a week is murdered by an intimate partner.” - Tressa Brady“Leave no trace. Don't warn them. Don't meet up with them to talk or give them closure. Don't give them one last chance because the best predictor of the future is the past. Get out, but do so safely.” - Tressa Brady
Kelly Wilkinson's estranged husband jailed for life over her murder on the Gold Coast in 2021 - ABC NewsKelly Wilkinson: Devastated family of 'beautiful soul' violently killed says justice was not servedThe legal process has ended, but Kelly Wilkinson’s family are still looking for answers - ABC NewsBradley Bell pleads not guilty to the murder of Kelly Wilkinson, accused of 'aiding' husband - ABC NewsBradley Bell acquitted of murder of Gold Coast woman Kelly Wilkinson - ABC News
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Judge DaSean Jones had a chance to stop a violent man from causing more harm. Instead, his leniency led to tragedy—a mother of four, Jackelyn Wilson, was killed in front of her children by a man with a history of violence.
Despite clear warnings and previous convictions, Jackelyn's pleas for protection were ignored. Her story is just one of many tragic tales that show how broken the system is that is meant to shield victims of domestic abuse but often fails them instead.
In this episode, we talk about the consequences of judicial negligence and the disastrous ripple effect it has on families. Why are violent offenders allowed to walk free, and what needs to change in the way our courts handle domestic violence?
Could Jackelyn and her children have been saved if the system took her threats seriously? Should judges bear responsibility for the preventable deaths of victims like Jackelyn?
Who Jackelyn Wilson was and her tragic story.The series of judicial failures that led to Jackelyn’s murder.The violent history of Jackelyn’s abuser, Howard Ruffin.The systemic failures in handling domestic violence cases.Judge DaSean Jones’ controversial leniency on violent offenders.
What You’ll Learn:
“We don't punish these men until they kill. They assault and assault and assault, and the judges look the other way, and when they kill, they go, ‘How'd this happen?’” - Tressa Brady“The legal system is not set up to favor women. Not by a long shot.” - Tressa Brady“It shouldn't be surprising that one of the most common reasons women stay with their abusers is because they know the court won't punish the abusers; they'll get away with it, and then they will retaliate for the woman trying to expose them.” - Tressa Brady
Ideas Worth Sharing:
Tina Swithin, author of Divorcing a Narcissist: InstagramHow the Cash Bail System Endangers the Health of Black Americans32-year-old mother of 4 murdered allegedly by her boyfriend, victim's mother blames Harris County judgeTerran Green denied bail on attempted murder charges tied to shootings of law enforcementNational Police AssociationHoustonians Grow Increasingly Impatient with Pro-Criminal Judges Like DaSean Jones
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John Needham was a decorated soldier, an artist, and a man battling demons after serving in the Iraq War.
Despite surviving the horrors of war, his battle with PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and moral injury led to a tragic outcome—taking the life of the woman he loved, Jacqwelyn Villagomez. Their story reveals the devastating failures in the military’s mental health care system.
This episode talks about the long-lasting impact of untreated mental health issues and the moral injuries that soldiers like John endure.
How did someone so full of potential end up in such a dark place? Could better mental health care have saved both John and Jackqwelyn?
Who are John Needham and Jacqwelyn Villagomez?John’s military career and deployment to Baghdad.The mental health decline that led to tragedy.The concept of moral injury and how it affects soldiers.The tragic incident involving Jacqwelyn.How military failures contributed to John's fate.The ripple effects of trauma, both in John's life and for those around him.
What You’ll Learn:Ideas Worth Sharing:
“The military makes these combat warfighters weapons. They make them weapons and they don't care when they are broken because, quite frankly, it doesn't always affect their ability to be good in combat.” - Tressa Brady“What happens when these men don't get the help they need and the men stop compartmentalizing, and they come home and they can't turn off the war? Women die.” - Tressa Brady“Many warfighters experience moral injury when they're in combat, when they're involved in events that just go against their moral code while they're deployed.” - Tressa BradyResources
Podcast source:
"48 Hours" Presents: Private Needham's War - CBS NewsArticles referenced:
John Needham & Jacque Villagomez: A tale of love and war (cbsnews.com)Troubled Iraq vet charged with murder dies (tucson.com)Iraq vet charged with killing girlfriend is found dead in Arizona - Los Angeles Times (latimes.com)For Social Media Platforms/contact :
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healthewounded13Threads: https://www.threads.net/@healthewounded13Tiktok: https://tiktok.com/@tressa.bradyEmail: [email protected] -
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The youngest of nine, Selena was a force of nature—a talented violinist, star athlete, and dedicated military intelligence analyst.
But behind her achievements lay a dark secret: a troubled marriage marked by manipulation and control. Just weeks after advocating for victims of domestic violence, Selena became a victim herself.
Who is Selena Roth?Selena's military career and family.Her relationship with Raul Hernandez Perez.Why coercive control is the top predictor of an abuser killing their victim.Patterns leading up to Selena’s death.The aftermath and advocacy.
This disturbing look at domestic violence in the military makes you think: How did a woman so full of life fall prey to such a tragic fate?
This episode paints a full picture of Selena—not just as a victim, but as a cherished sister, friend, and mother whose life was tragically cut short.
What You’ll Learn:
“If you're looking for signs of abuse in a marriage, very often the abuser is so talented at hiding their instability and abusive side that you have to look more at the spouse to see changes in them.” - Tressa Brady
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“Statistically, physical violence is not the top predictor of whether or not an abuser will kill their victim, but rather, being coercively controlling is the top predictor.” - Tressa Brady
"When you’re dealing with the repercussions of any disagreements with an abuser, you bend and compromise yourself to keep them from getting angry.” Tressa BradyResources
Hosted by: Married couple KC Witzens (audio engineer) and wife Nicole Friday (True Crime Expert).Guest Expert: Erin Roth (Selena’s older sister)
Podcast: “True Crime Date Night”Facebook Memorial Page:
Remembering Selena RothRaul Hernandez-Perez Court MartialMedia Article:
Hawaii-based soldier gets 62 years in prison for bludgeoning wife to death | Stars and Stripes by WYATT OLSON STARS AND STRIPES • September 15, 2021
InstagramThreadsTikTokEmail
For Social Media Platforms/contact: -
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What happens when the system designed to protect fails those who need it most?
In this episode, I will share with you the tragic story of Meghan Santiago, a devoted mother and military spouse who endured unimaginable abuse at the hands of her husband, Joseph Santiago, a Special Forces soldier. Through detailed court records, personal testimonies, and chilling recounts of the abuse Meghan faced, I will uncover the systemic failures that left her and her children vulnerable.Meghan's story is one of love, sacrifice, and a planned escape that came just days too late. I hope this episode serves as a call to action and urges you to recognize the signs of abuse and understand the complexities faced by victims trying to leave dangerous situations. Let’s honor Meghan’s memory and explore how we can better protect those most vulnerable in our society.
What You’ll Learn:
Personal reflections on Shel Silverstein’s ‘The Giving Tree.’The tragic story of Meghan Santiago.Prevalence of femicide in America and its connection to domestic violence.How the justice system handles military domestic violence cases.Complexities and challenges faced by victims of domestic violence in military families.Impact of childhood trauma on adult behavior.Ideas Worth Sharing:
“Femicide is an epidemic in this country, across the world, actually. Three women a day die in America.” - Tressa Brady“If you're going to bring on recruits who already have grown up in toxic environments, you have to preemptively give them the support and mental health resources that they will need.” - Tressa Brady"Women are dying across this world from intimate partner abuse, and the military and the justice system in this country are culpable.” Tressa BradyResources:
The Giving TreeNursing student Lauren Johansen found beaten to death after dad's chilling warning to judgeUS Army Court-Martial Public Record SystemPrivate messages, photos reveal desperate plan to rescue Fort Campbell wife before her murder -
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How does the intersection of military law and state family law impact the rights and protections available to military spouses? And do you lose your TRICARE after divorce?
I invited attorney Amanda J. Hill to cut through the confusion and reveal the hidden complexities of military divorces. She exposes little-known facts about on-base housing rights, custody during deployments, and a potential TRICARE loophole that could save you thousands.
Amanda doesn't shy away from tough topics and addresses domestic violence in military families and the career-altering impact of protective orders. Learn why your social media could make or break your case, and discover the surprising document that could protect you if you give your marriage another shot.
What You’ll Learn:
How military law and state family law work together.Legal and financial protections for military spouses in abusive relationships.How to get protective orders.Why keeping records of coercive control and non-physical abuse is important.Legal options for child safety and custody in volatile situations.What a postnuptial agreement should include to protect your interests.Strategies for accessing legal resources and support with limited financial means.Ideas Worth Sharing:
“It is codified under the family code that if you allow your child to witness abuse, that in and of itself is child abuse.” - Amanda J. Hill“In the state of California, you have an absolute right to remain in the marital home until the divorce is final.” - Amanda J. Hill"I highly recommend that both sides have their own counsel representing them reviewing the document before it gets executed and making sure that both sides are being protected and it really is something that they agree with." - Amanda J. HillResources:
Navigating Divorce EbookWebsite: Khosroabadi & HillEmail: [email protected]: (858) 434-1020Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kandhlawgroupInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/kandhlawgroup/Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/khosroabadi-hill-apc/California CourtsFamily Code 271 | Attorneys Fees, Sanctions - for protection against over-litigationFamily Code 2030 and Attorney's Fees Orders in a Divorce - regarding attorney's fees in divorce casesServicemembers' Civil Relief Act | OCCTricare -
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How can financial therapy change your view on money and relationships?
Dr. Megan McCoy, the nation’s first financial therapist and a licensed marriage and family therapist, talks about how financial therapy can help when dealing with financial abuse in domestic violence cases, especially in military families. With her expertise in both mental health and financial well-being, Dr. McCoy breaks down the complexities of financial abuse and its impacts on individuals and relationships.Listen in as she explains how to spot financial abuse and find your way to financial independence. She shares practical tips for dealing with financial trauma, talking openly about money in relationships, and taking control of your finances. You'll also learn about the emerging field of financial therapy, why financial literacy is so important, and the resources available to help those facing financial abuse achieve financial healing.
What You’ll Learn:
What is financial therapy?The role of financial therapy in managing money-related stress.How to talk to kids and partners about money.The impact of financial abuse and how to recognize it.Strategies for balancing joint and separate accounts in relationships.How financial flashpoints can influence long-term financial behavior.The importance of financial literacy and regular financial check-ups.How to plan for financial security in uncertain times.Ideas Worth Sharing:
“Money fears are nastier. They last longer, and they mean your sense of power, control, and autonomy, so they are difficult to manage, to say the least.” - Dr. Megan McCoy"There's no right way to do money. There is a right way to feel happy or feel safe, and that's what's important." - Dr. Megan McCoy"You don't have to be the expert. You just need to be aware of your finances." - Dr. Megan McCoyResources:
NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson, Ashley MerrymanMilton the Money Savvy Pup: Brings Home the Bacon by Jamie A. Bosse, CFP®The Four Money Bears by Mac Gardner, CFPThe Art of Allowance Podcast – The Money MammalsDr. Brad Klontz (Researcher/Financial Psychologist who discusses “financial flashpoints from our life”)CFPB (Consumer Financial Protection Bureau) “Money As You Grow” (tool for age-appropriate money discussions with kids)Greenlight Sample of websites that allow children to track save/spend/allowance/chores (for older children)Piggy Bank for Kids“Shame vs. Guilt” by Brené BrownFind a Financial Therapist Tool by Financial Therapy AssociationFind a Therapist Tool by Psychology TodayReputable Credit Agencies to run credit: Experian & Free Credit Report -
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Is the traditional wife trend merely a nostalgic fantasy, or does it conceal a sinister reality? In this episode, I peel back the layers of the picture-perfect stay-at-home housewife image to expose the insidious nature of economic abuse. Sharing my own story and advice, I show how this seemingly innocent 1950s lifestyle can trap victims in a cycle of control and dependence.
Join me as I reveal the truth about the “trad-wife” trend and explore the crucial importance of financial independence. You’ll learn about the real struggles, the need for personal strength, and the power of never giving up. This episode is for anyone who wants to understand and fight against the many forms of abuse.
The challenges of being a stay-at-home mom.Why the "traditional wife" trend can be dangerous.What economic abuse entails.The impact of military life on career development and education of women.How abusers confuse their victims.Why realizing you’re in an abusive relationship is hard.Why it's never too late to pursue your goals.How to recognize the early signs of economic abuse.
What You’ll Learn:Ideas Worth Sharing:
“If you want to be a traditional wife, I truly commend you. But I also implore you to hear me out when I tell you how this lifestyle is lending itself to dangerous forms of economic abuse.” - Tressa Brady“You aren't where you want to be right now, but just keep rising. One foot in front of the other, you're going to chip away at your goals, and little by little, you will get there.” - Tressa Brady“If moms were cars, we'd all have our check engine lights on.” - Tressa BradyResources Mentioned:
Deshauna Barber: One Question Changed Her Life Forever | Motivational Speech | GoalcastThe Full Harrison Butker Commencement Speech: WATCH | OutKick -
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Today we are joined by Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a clinician and coach specializing in the traumatic experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. With expertise that goes beyond individual cases, Christine focuses on the broader impact of coercive control on children and the importance of education in preventing generational trauma from this insidious form of abuse. Listen in to learn about the characteristics of coercive controllers, how they choose and manipulate their victims, and more.
You can find show notes, resources and more: https://tinyurl.com/5n6mjfxu -
Do you have a story you’d like to share on TWTDNH or are you a subject matter expert who would like to shed light on any of the topics I cover? Shoot me a message!
What are the signs of emotional abuse in relationships? In this episode, I'll be sharing the often hidden world of emotional abuse and its impact. I'll describe my personal journey of recognizing and surviving emotional abuse and why it can be as dangerous as physical abuse. From coercive control tactics to the cycle of abuse, I'll explain the manipulation techniques used by abusers to maintain power and control.
You can find show notes, resources and more: https://tinyurl.com/98z45eda
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Do you have a story you’d like to share on TWTDNH or are you a subject matter expert who would like to shed light on any of the topics I cover? Shoot me a message!
What does post-traumatic stress injury truly entail? And how does it manifest within personal relationships and family dynamics? Dr. Shauna 'Doc' Springer, a renowned psychologist and expert in psychological trauma, sheds light on these questions and more as she explains the complexities of PTSI. Drawing from her extensive experience working with military warfighters and first responders, Dr. Springer offers insights into the impact of trauma on individuals and their loved ones, emphasizing the crucial role of love and trust in the journey toward healing and recovery.
You can find show notes, resources and more: https://tinyurl.com/3ab7h5ut
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Do you have a story you’d like to share on TWTDNH or are you a subject matter expert who would like to shed light on any of the topics I cover? Shoot me a message!
Welcome to The Wounds That Do Not Heal. I’m your host, Tressa Brady, and in this deeply personal podcast, I will share my firsthand experience with partner abuse in military families and shed light on a topic often shrouded in silence. Through candid interviews with experts and survivors, we’ll dive into the intricate dynamics and systemic challenges faced by military households. Together, we will confront the harsh realities of domestic violence within this community, aiming to dismantle stigmas and foster a vital conversation that transcends the surface.
You can find show notes, resources and more: https://tinyurl.com/4p96v6t8
