Episoder
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The 5 Love Languages claims to be a "simple and effective" tool for strengthening your connections. We explore that claim.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip.
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
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For most of his life, Brian believed that his primary challenge in relationships was mastering the tool of "being present." He thought that if he could just fully grasp this skill, everything in his life and relationships would significantly improve. However, regular listeners to this podcast will recognize that this belief was far from accurate. We discuss how he understood the tool of being present in his past relationships and how he uses it now, in the present.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased from our website for only $2.99. http://codependentmind.com
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Mangler du episoder?
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In this episode, we building on the Boundaries episode and talk more about Relationship Boundaries in particular. How can you use relationship boundaries do develop a greater sense of partnership? How do we find a balance between protecting the relationship from outside threats and having expansive enough boundaries that the relationship can continue to grow and thrive?
00:02:19 Relationship status00:03:37 Family boundaries00:06:35 Relationship work and boundaries00:10:27 Relationship boundaries and stability00:14:10 Outside resources00:17:48 Rules vs boundaries00:25:53 Inherited boundaries
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip.
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
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In this episode, we take on the complex emotion of jealousy, exploring its potential as a constructive tool within relationships. As we have discussed in previous episodes emotions, including jealousy, are neither good nor bad but rather signals offering valuable insight. Learning how to use jealousy as a tool involves being able to interpret and apply the information that jealousy offers.
00:00:11 Jealousy00:01:46 Not Feeling Jealousy00:03:04 Jealousy in Polyamorous Relationships00:06:38 Compersion00:09:16 Jealousy-Like Behaviors00:06:38 Compersion00:11:34 Distinguishing Jealousy from Control00:13:14 Jealousy as a Measurement Tool00:19:38 Working Together Through Jealousy
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
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We have talked about entitlement quite a bit. Mostly about how Brian's narcissistic partners have used their feelings of entitlement as fuel to abuse and mistreat him and other people. In this episode we explore how the feelings of entitlement can be used productively to strengthen a relationship rather than degrade it.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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In Season 4, we had a four part series on codependency, trauma and sex. In this episode we focus on the role sex can play in a relationship For Brian, shifting from a performance mindset to a connection mindset made all the difference.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Communication is vital to any relationship, but for those of us with relational trauma, it can be difficult to figure out what that means. If we aren't getting yelled at or insulted, it feels like good communication. Bad communication is when someone is disappointed or upset with us. Join us as we talk through Brian's new understanding of the role communication has played and can play in his relationships.
00:01:13 Communication as a relationship tool00:03:15 Shame00:17:35 Verbal violence and reactive abuse00:23:01 Communication as a productive tool
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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In this episode we discuss the relationship tool of attention. Paying attention can be difficult for people with relationship trauma and codependent habits. It was certainly challenging for Brian. Healing codependency has involved re-learning how to use the tool of attention, directing its use to building strong connections with people we care about who care about us.
00:01:22 Feeling close - making bids
00:04:01 Listening and attention
00:08:05 Attention and trauma
00:20:53 Good attention and bad attention
00:22:49 Productive attention
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships.
00:02:30 Apology Theater00:03:20 Narcissistic Apologizing00:07:19 DARVO00:13:09 Codependent Apologizing00:19:12 Authentic Apologizing00:20:32 Empathetic Repair
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
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As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents.
In this episode:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Wikipedia)
00:01:01 Financial Codependency00:04:42 Financial Dependency00:07:56 The Tool of Money00:10:45 What is Money for?00:22:33 The Monetary Value of Relationships00:32:27 Questions to Ask Before You Spend
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected.
Mentioned in this episode:
S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries
S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us
No Man is an Island - John Donne
00:01:56 The Metaphor of Boundaries00:06:34 Protecting Boundaries00:09:20 Respecting Boundaries00:21:52 Entitlement00:25:25 Boundaries in Relationship00:38:22 Examples of Relationship Boundaries
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.
00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge00:09:32 Consequences and shame00:12:11 Shame relief00:15:05 The codependency framework00:20:15 Asking questions
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
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If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.
Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling00:08:39 What is Truth00:11:07 'Telling it like it is'00:14:45 Full Disclosure00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and EffectYou can reach us at: codependentmind.com
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Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"
00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent?00:04:49 Inner Lawyers00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work00:12:00 A Case Study00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency00:29:06 Case Study #2
Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com
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In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage.
Mentioned in this episode:
Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust)
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior00:04:55 Lying in Childhood00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship00:29:28 Relationship WorkThank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com
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Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship.
In this episode:
00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From?00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic RelationshipsSeason 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy)
Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us)
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.
Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind
Email: [email protected]
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Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship.
In this episode:
00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality00:13:14 Mutuality00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.
Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind
Email: [email protected]
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Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them.
00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy'00:01:46 The empathetic system00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.
- Se mer
