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Do you ever wish you had a device that could spot a narcissist before they wreak havoc in your life?Kind of like a blue light revealing hidden stains ?
Well, what if I told you there is a quick and easy way to do just that â no, unfortunately, not with a radar detector but rather with a simple question that can expose a narcissist in less than 5 seconds.
In this edition, Iâll reveal the key question you need to ask, the exact reaction to watch for, and what steps to take once you spot it.
First, let's understand the motive of a narcissist â yes, even ones that call themselves 'Christians' â and why you've been such an easy target for them.
You see, you are likely a caring, empathetic, giving person who enjoys being of value in a relationship.
By contrast, narcissists are fragile, self-centered, egotistical, envious exploiters. Their focus is not on pleasing you or even growing the relationship; it's all about self-protection and self-preservation. If it doesnât serve them, benefit them, or support them, theyâre not interested.
Shift the Dynamic
Instead of focusing on what to say to get them to change, let's focus on what to say to reveal them. Ready?
We're going to talk about three scenarios that expose the narcissist every time â IF you know what to look for.
Scenario #1: When You Need to Set a Boundary
Narcissists canât stand being told "No." They honestly believe they are entitled to unrestricted access and control over you. If youâve given it to them before, thatâs just more justification for their entitlement. Boundaries threaten their sense of superiority and need for admiration. It's like telling a child "No"; they can't see beyond their self-centered, immature view of the world that just wants what they want when they want it.
But there is one key difference between a narcissist and a child, and it's a scary one. Unlike a child, a narcissist knows how they come across, they know what is socially acceptable and unacceptable. That's why they have to find manipulative ways to get their needs met. If you have ever met a charming or conniving narcissist, you know how easy it is to be fooled by their façade.
Next time you need to set limits, avoid overexplaining, avoid justifying, and simply say, "I can't agree to that" or "I'm not okay with that." A healthy person will respond with something like, "Oh, OK. No problem." and move on. But a narcissist will continue to press and pry with manipulative questions designed to guilt you into giving them what they want.
Hereâs the key: no matter what question they ask or what statement they make, simply hold your ground with the same response. When they continue to press, ask this question: "It seems that you're only focused on your needs and not mine. Is that intentional?"
Count backward from five in your head, say nothing, and watch their reaction. Donât defend yourself, donât formulate what you're going to say next; just be still. A narcissist will respond with any one (or all) of the following:
Rage: "How dare you accuse me! Youâre the selfish one. I was just asking..."Victimhood: "This is the thanks I get for trying to work with you. I donât know what I did to deserve such abusive treatment."Insistence: They might initially agree but then come back later trying to find a "solution" for you to give them what they want.Whatâs missing is genuine care and regard for how you feel. The only concern is their image and your perception of them.
Scenario #2: When You Challenge Their Lie
If youâve been with a narcissist longer than 10 minutes, youâve been lied to. Lying is second nature to them. They lie even when
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Ever wonder where God is when you're up against a narcissist's nasty, toxic behavior?Whether your battle has been going on for 10 weeks or 10 years, narcissists always wreak havoc in the lives of their victims. Whatâs worse is that they seem to get away with everything:
No punishmentsNo consequencesNo justiceNot even so much as a slap on the wristThis can leave you wondering if they will ever be held accountable for their actions.
Five Things God Always Does to a Narcissist
Thatâs why in todayâs episode, weâre going to dive into the five things God ALWAYS does to a narcissist. Once these five truths are revealed, you will never again doubt God's righteous justice.
So before you start thinking they might get away with what they've done to you, stick with me. Not only will I show you how God ensures justice is served, but I'll also provide you with one practical step to restore your faith and see that justice is done in a timely manner.
Before we dive in, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Narcissist Survival Guide. This is my free gift to you. https://krisreece.com/narcissist-survival-guide/
So, letâs dive into the 5 things God ALWAYS does to a narcissist.
This can best be demonstrated through gardening. Gardening is a process that, when done right, yields beautiful results. However, the process may not always make sense, especially to the inexperienced. But whether you have prize-winning begonias or canât tell a weed from a flower, this breakdown will cultivate your trust and certainty in God's righteous justice.
In gardening, thereâs a process to go from an overgrown, ugly garden to a beautiful, flourishing one. Sometimes that process doesnât seem to make sense, especially if youâre like me and donât know the first thing about gardening.
Step 1: He Leaves the Narcissist to Themselves
The first step may seem to happen all on its own, but remember, nothing falls outside of Godâs purview. In the case of the garden, itâs overgrown, and the weeds seem to have gotten out of control. An outsider looking in might wonder, "How could someone let this happen?" But God, in His infinite wisdom, will leave a narcissist to themselves. In other words, Heâs going to allow those weeds to grow.
This is where it feels the most frustrating, the most unjust, like God doesnât care about you and Heâs just like some spaced-out parent letting this little brat get away with murder. But the truth is, this is the most crucial phase. Without this phase, it makes the steps to come less just. He will let them wreck relationships, burn bridges, and do whatever it takes to bring them to rock bottom.
Romans 1:24 reminds us of what God did to those who didnât want to follow Him and instead followed after their own sinful, selfish desires: "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." This may seem like God has forgotten what theyâve done to you, but hang with me because He actually has a plan. This is also the phase where you have to recognize whether your actions towards them are truly loving or entirely enabling.
Romans 1:24 said, God handed them over... in other words, He didnât try to change them, He didnât stop them, He didnât just âloveâ on them. He let them be to themselves. Thatâs why it isnât always the most loving thing to tolerate their toxic behavior.
Step 2: Provides an Opportunity for Repentance
Because that can actually prevent the next stepâand they REALLY need the next step. In fact, it reminds me of when I was younger and saw one of our neighb
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Have you ever wondered why narcissists never seem to face the consequences for their actions?It seems like they just skate through life using, abusing, and manipulating people without so much as a slap on the wrist. What if I told you that God actually has a plan for dealing with narcissistsâeven your narcissist? And it doesnât involve you getting stuck in the mud with them.
Thatâs why today, I want to share with you the biblical proof that God has a strategy to handle these problematic people. By the end of our time together, youâll clearly see how His plan will bring you the peace you desire and the justice they deserve.
Before we dive into the scripture that will forever change how you see God's justice, I want you to come with me while I get my laundry done. No, Iâm not multitasking on you. Iâm actually here to share that Godâs justice works a lot like this washing machine.
You see, if youâre like me, your laundry is a mixture of dirty, not-so-dirty, and downright disgusting clothes. We throw them all together in one big bin, turn it on, and then check on it every three minutes...
Of course not. We walk away and let it do its thing. That is my hope today, that you will just let God do His thing. In other words, let God be God.
So, while weâre waiting, we can go back, grab a cup of tea, and chat.
The Scripture That Will Forever Change How You See God's Justice
Itâs found in the book of Psalms, chapter 37. Shall we start in verse 1?
Psalm 37:1-2
"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away."
We could park there for half a day, but letâs keep going.
They will soon fadeâproof that the Lord is sovereign and knows what Heâs doing. Proof that the Lord will not allow this to go on forever, even when it doesnât look like it. You may be asking, "Lord, where are you? Do you not see what this person is doing to me? Do you not see how they hurt me?"
Itâs easy to fret and be enviousânot envious as in wanting what they haveâbut struggling because they donât seem to struggle the way you do. You want it to stop. You want a healthy, loving relationship. But my friend, that ship has sailed. So now the focus is justice (and if youâre being honest, vengeance). Maybe you donât need to see harm come to this person, but you are tired of there seeming to be no consequences in their life.
Every little move they make becomes your focus: every sin against you, every lie they tell, every self-centered, manipulative move. You keep adding it to the bank of bitterness. Before you know it, youâve taken the enemyâs bait, and he has you right where he wants you.
I know, Iâve been there. You pray for two minutes for this person, then go on for two hours about what theyâve done. The thoughts rail in your mind for hours and days until itâs all you can think about. Thatâs why you think the solution is to just get away from this person. But Iâm telling you there is another solution.
The Solution to Seeing Justice Served and Regaining Your Peace
It doesnât involve selling your soul and forfeiting your peace to do it. So what are you supposed to do? Is it possible that God just wants us to sit back and do nothing?
Psalm 37:3
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Should You Endure Abuse?
You might be asking, "Kris, are you saying that I should stay and endure abuse?" âIs that what it means to âdo goodâ?
NO.
But if itâs uncomfortable, if there seems to be no way out, if there seems to be no change, no justice, no
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Have you ever felt like someone in your life is constantly dragging you down, leaving you mentally and emotionally drained? You canât quite put your finger on it, but you hate feeling this way about them. Yet, you canât deny that this person just isnât good for you. If youâre battling these conflicting feelings, youâre not alone â and you might be dealing with it right now.So you might be wondering⊠if these demonic individuals can appear so ânormalâ while causing so much chaos, how can you possibly identify them?
Look, we all know to walk away from toxic people and party animals, but what about those who deceive you into thinking theyâre positive? The real issue with these individuals is that their positivity only shines when it comes to negative things. They only encourage you and seem happy with you when you partake in their destructive behaviors. Misery loves company, after all.
The Story of Troy:
But first, itâs crucial to understand HOW these demonic forces infiltrate your life.
Letâs take a lesson from the legendary city of Troy. Renowned for its impenetrable walls, Troy fell victim to a cunning Greek plan after a long siege. The Greeks constructed a massive wooden horse, hid a select group of warriors inside, and pretended to abandon the siege, leaving the horse as a deceptive gift. The Trojans, believing they had won, brought the horse into their fortified city.
When night fell, the hidden Greek soldiers emerged, opened the gates for the rest of their troops, and completely conquered Troy from within.
THIS is EXACTLY how Satan operates. His mission is to kill, steal, and destroy. Before you think, âOh, I donât give in to Satan,â be careful; you might be giving in to one of his âgifts.â
If the devil canât get to you directly, heâll send a narcissist.
Thatâs why so many Christians are being fooled by these wolves in sheepâs clothing, applying a Pollyanna mentality and getting slaughtered. And this isnât a five-minute mistake; the repercussions can last years â even a lifetime.
So you may be wondering, if these demonic people look ânormalâ and can wreak that much havoc, how can you identify them?
Here are the signs to spot and walk away from toxic people!
Sign #1: Encourages You to Sin
We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, but godly people will call you out to bring you to repentance and restoration.
People sent by the devil, however, will actually encourage you in bad behaviors. And itâs subtle.
We know to avoid negative people, but what about those who fool you into believing theyâre positive? The problem is, theyâre only positive about the negative. They only encourage and are happy with you when you join them in their destructive behaviors.
Thatâs because sinners love company. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, âDo not be deceived: âBad company ruins good morals.'â
These devil-sent ambassadors only celebrate when you do something wrong, with encouragement like âGood for you, Iâm proud of you!â after you just drank too much or told off your boss.
They might say, âItâs normal⊠itâs only natural⊠wouldnât God want you to be happy? YOLO.â
If you resist, theyâll attack you with sayings like, âYouâre such a self-righteous stick in the mud⊠always a buzzkill.â
These people often appear as charismatic, fun-loving individuals, seeming like everything youâve been praying for, but in reality, theyâre on a mission to drag you down with them.
Sign #2: Manipulation and Control
This sign is likely one youâve endured on countless occasions, and not only ignored but blamed yourself for. Itâs because their twisted motives are cunning and hard to spot.
If youâve ever been told your feelings arenât reality, had you
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Have you ever been so fed up with a narcissist's behavior that you just wanted to call them out, tell them off, and expose their lies? Hold on!Before you take that leap, you need to know something crucial. What if I told you that calling out a narcissist will backfire in ways you never imagined? In this blog, weâre diving deep into why confronting them is a bad idea, what theyâre likely to do in response, and the surprising alternative God has for you.
But first, I want to share a story about Brenda. Brenda came to me years ago, overwhelmed by the realization that not only was her mother manipulative, but her 32-year-old daughter exhibited severe narcissistic traits. For years, Brenda believed her motherâs lies, thinking she was damaged and disrespectful. She took on the responsibility of trying to make her daughter more respectful and appreciative, never realizing the true nature of their behaviors.
When Brenda finally understood what was really happening, she was ready to confront both her mother and her daughter. With her daughter, she wanted to share what she had learned about narcissism, hoping to open her eyes and stop the abuse. But with her mother, Brenda was done. She was fed up with the lies and the blame that she had suffered her entire life. She saw through her mother's manipulative, gaslighting tactics and was determined to let her know she was onto her.
âSheâll have no choice but to stop once she knows Iâm onto her,â Brenda told me confidently. âBrenda, are you sure about that?â I asked. âYes, why wouldnât I be? Now I know, and she needs to know that I know,â she insisted.
Despite my advice to proceed cautiously, Brenda confronted both her mother and her daughter. She was loving but firm, ready to set the boundaries she had rehearsed in her mind for a week. But then, something unexpected happened. Both discussions spiraled into a toxic quagmire, leaving Brenda drained, confused, and feeling out of control.
âWhat went wrong?â she asked me, bewildered. âI was loving with my daughter and firm with my mother. What happened? Itâs like it backfired on me.â
I kept my mouth shut with the thought "I tried to warn you" lingering in my mind. Brendaâs situation is, unfortunately, all too common.
Whether your narcissist is a conniving coworker, a manipulative mother, an entitled child, or a childish spouse...
You've likely reached a point where you finally have a name for what you've been experiencing. You finally understand that their behavior is just as destructive as you sensed it was. You're done beating yourself up and you're ready to call it out. You're ready to call out the lies, the inconsistencies, the exaggerations, the half-truths, the manipulations... You're done holding it in. If there's any hope for them to change, if there's any hope to keep your sanity, you feel you have to say something.
Maybe you simply want to point out the contradictions in their stories so you can both finally get on the same page. Maybe they consistently say one thing one day and the complete opposite the next. Maybe your husband blames you for him having to work so hard, despite how many times youâve begged him to retire because âhe loves what he does.â So you ask, which is it⊠you love what you do, or you're doing this because Iâm making you? The truth is, the answer is whatever suits that moment, whatever makes them look like the hero and the victim. Neither is true and both are true. But since they canât take responsibility for themselves an
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Do you ever wonder how some people are able to handle toxic, evil people with such grace, while others constantly get sucked into the drama?
Join me as we dive into how wise Christians handle narcissists.
FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
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Are you ready to expose those wolves in sheep's clothing? Join me as we dive into the 5 clues to spot a 'christian' narcissist.
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Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
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Be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide to learn how to identity and deal with all the difficult people in your life. Grab your guide here. https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
Do you feel like the magical connection you once had with the narcissist now feels more like a death grip?
You, my friend, have likely fallen prey to the narcissistâs deceptive new-age belief that is making Christians everywhere vulnerable to manipulative peopleâ that there is a pre-destined soulmate out there who will complete you.
I want to share with you why this new-age belief that you once thought was romantic and biblical is actuallyleading you down a path you may never recover from.
I also want to share with you the shocking reasons why the narcissist NEEDS you to believe this, plus how to recover if you've already fallen into this trap.
To do that, I want to tell you about Eli.
Eli was a talented potter who lived in a quaint village nestled at the edge of a lush forest. Eli was known all over the world for his exquisite pottery, each piece more beautiful than the last. However, Eli had a secret: he claimed a mystical clay from the forest was the source of his potteryâs beauty.
He spoke of a legend, a tale of "The Perfect Clay," a material so pure and adaptable that only the most deserving artisans, destined by the stars, could find and use it.
Intrigued by the promise of creating pottery as beautiful as Eli's, many villagers ventured into the forest, hoping to be the chosen ones to find "The Perfect Clay." Eli encouraged them, saying that only those with a true potter's soul, bound by destiny to the craft, would succeed. Yet, the forest was vast and the search endless. Many villagers became so obsessed with finding the mythical clay that they neglected their own craft, waiting for a destiny that never materialized.
Meanwhile, back in the village, Eli continued to produce his pottery, not from mystical clay, but from the same earth as everyone else.
His true talent lay in his skill and dedication, honed over years of practiceâNOT in a magical ingredient. The villagers, lost in the pursuit of an illusory perfection, failed to realize that the beauty of potteryâand indeed, lifeâlies in the passion and effort, not some magical formula.
Your narcissist is likely just like Eli, but instead of the perfect pottery, they're in search of the perfect partner.
In fact, this new-age belief that there is a perfect, predestined partner is likely what wooed you in the beginning but is now leaving you feeling inadequate and constantly striving for their approval.
Yes, narcissists believe in soulmates.And I'm going to share why.But I also want to share why you shouldn't.
Soulmates are based on thebelief that you are 'complete' once you find that ONE perfect person created just for you.
Believing that there's that one ideal individual that was created to complete you may sound romantic in movies, but it flies in the face of Colossians 2:10 that says, âYou are complete in Christ.â
So, my friend, if there is no cosmic connection in the universe that is pulling you toward another person and if the work of the cross is already finished for you, why do narcissists need to believe in soulmates?
Let's break down three primary reasons.
Reason #1: It guarantees lasting admiration
Narcissists are addicted to admiration, much like a plant basking in the sun's rays. It's a need.
This insatiable hunger for external validation fuels their s
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Sometimes people-pleasing can keep you in the toxic relationships longer than you'd like. To find out what type of people pleaser you are, be sure to take the FREE quiz below. Am I a People Pleaser Quiz? Discover Your Type
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Have you ever read the NTV Bible?No I'm not referring to the KJV, NIV, or my all time favorite--the ESV.
I'm talking about the NTV--the narcissist twisted version. The one where they take God's truth and distort it beyond recognition to suit their narrative. The one that leaves you feeling dazed and confused.
In any version of the bible, you will find the inerrant truth of God's word. But what happens if you're being fed a distorted version?
If you've been living with a narcissist who loves to quote scripture to you, you've like been fed the NTV--the narcissist version of the truth.
So which one do you believe?
My hope is to help you stop the manipulation.
Thatâs why Iâm going to breakdown the four scriptures narcissists just canât resist twisting, their main motivator when using these scriptures, and the foolproof benchmark to ensure you are never manipulated again by misused scripture.
The narcissistâs misuse of scripture is like a chef twisting a classic pasta recipe into some distorted version for their own gain.
Maybe instead of the regular ingredients, he decides to add a few extra that he's got lying around, a few that are about to expire, and maybe even an idea that he'd like to tryâat your expense. And I'm not talking about complementary ingredients. I'm talking about ingredients that don't belong and completely distort the dish. Like peanut butter in lasagna.
The foundational elements are there but the finished dish is distorted beyond recognition. It's no longer appetizing. Itâs food, but it's not what it was intended to be. In fact, it's repulsive.
The same is true for the narcissistâs use of scripture. They donât use scripture for itâs intended purpose but rather to serve their own selfish agenda, leaving those who are feeding off of their mess, confused and malnourished.
So why do narcissists twist scripture?
The truth is, they can't resist. Scripture is a weapon for them to use against you. Satan did it to Jesus in the wilderness when he twisted three scriptures to try and get him to back off from his ultimate missionâthe cross.
While the Word of God is a powerful weapon, much like that recipe, the narcissist turns that weapon into a weapon of manipulative destruction.
In fact there are four driving forces behind the narcissists craving for scripture:
1. Get you to do something for them
2. Get you to stop doing something to them
3. Get you to believe their lies
4. Get you to assume the blame
It really is that simple.
Their motive has always been and likely will always be self-focusâself-protection and self-preservation.
They actually donât care if youâre following biblical principles. They donât care if youâre honoring God in who you are and what you do. They only care how your actions impact them.
Scripture is only used to their benefit NOT yours.
In other words, trusting a narcissist to use scripture properly is likely hiring a wolf to guard the sheep.
So what are the scriptures that they LOVE to manipulate you with?
Twisted scripture #1
I know you've heard this one before. You've likely had it thrown in your face every time you raise an issue. It's tossed about every single time they don't want to face the consequences for their actions.&n
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If you want to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab a copy of my Toxic People Survival Guide
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Does it seem like the narcissist in your life just skates by and gets away with their manipulative, destructive behavior, almost like they're somehow immune to justice?Today, I want to give you the clarity you're craving about why God's justice might seem a little slow, and EXACTLY how God deals with issues of pride, manipulation, and deceit.
My friend, stick with me, because by the end of our time today, your wavering faith WILL be strengthened.
There's a character in the bible that always reminds me of God's justice. Perhaps you know her from the books of 1 and 2 Kings. She was a Phoenician princess who was the wife of Ahab, king of Israel. And her name was Jezebel.
Jezebel was a spiteful, wicked, manipulative, malicious woman who presented as charming and attractive, and who at times played victim.
Sound like anyone you know?
Narcissists are notorious for putting on the performance of being everything you need. But beneath the surface, they are self-centered, immature, entitled brats who will stop at nothing to get what they want.
Jezebel was infamously known for promoting the worship of Baal, a Canaanite deity, in Israel, directly opposing the worship of God. She was also famous for her role in the persecution of the prophets of God, including the murder of Naboth, simply because her husband wanted his vineyard.
In our lives, she's the mother who seems to get away with her constant abuse. She's the woman at the office who has the boss fooled into thinking sheâs a team player.
But SHE doesn't need to be a SHE.
This Jezebel behavior is no respecter of genders. In fact, there are some predictable patterns that I want you to start looking out for--patterns you might otherwise miss if you're focused on the fear and frustration.
For starters: God will not tolerate idolatry and falsehood.
Jezebel's promotion of Baal worship and her attempts to suppress the worship of God represent the pinnacle of how the narcissist operates.
Like Jezebel, narcissists create false images and exalt themselves at the expense of others
God hates idol worship. Let's go back to Exodus 20. It says, âYou shall have no other gods before me.â
The narcissistâs carved image is their mirror, because narcissists worship themselves. They exalt themselves and anything they desire above God.
Don't be fooled my friend, they're not content with just worshipping themselves. They need YOU to worship them too.
Do you ever wonder why things always go south when you raise an issue or express a concern or a dislike about them? Their ego is as fragile as that mirror.
And just like God warned the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6 not to follow other gods, just like He also sent warnings to Jezebel, He will also send warnings to the narcissist.
You can always expect God to be merciful and give us chance after chance.
In His next phase, God will send warnings.
Jezebelâs fate didnât have to end the way it did.
Narcissists (and all of us for that matter) are given chance after chance, warning after warning to turn from our ways.
How many times did God have to tug on your heart before you answered the call?
If we heed those warnings, it can lead to repentance and restoration.
If we ignore them, we head for destruction, full steam ahead.
And that's exactly what He did for Jezebel. Elijah and other prophets were sent to stand up to her
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Resources mentioned in this podcast:
FREE Toxic People Survival Guide
https://krisreece.com/toxic-people-survival-guide
Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course
https://krisreece.com/conquering-codependency/
Master Powerful Tactics to Gain Control When Triggered into a Toxic Argument https://krisreece.com/live-workshop/ - Se mer
