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We can carefully draft a message, set it aside, and then calmly review it to determine whether we like how it reads to someone receiving it. Because that is the point, isnât it? Our own satisfaction with our wordsmithing is far less important than the message received.
Written language has a different risk from spoken language: our words can be shared, verbatim, immediately or eventually. Photocopies, scans, forwarded emails, copied texts. A reply to you, including your original message, with a blind cc. Our words can travel far and wide. We need to choose them with care.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Amy Castoro joins me to explore the concept of cordial hypocrisy. What it means and how families can avoid it â including the importance of creating, and cultivating, a family culture of open and honest communication. You can learn more about Amyâs work here: https://www.thewilliamsgroup.org/. Or you can reach out to Amyâs assistant here: [email protected].
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Last time, I talked about spoken language. This time itâs body language and facial language. You have likely heard that a very large percentage of our communication is not spoken. Some slips are things you know you shouldnât do. Letâs focus on what to do about that.
Do you know that you are doing it? Try this. When you are talking on the phone with someone who can try your patience, watch yourself in a mirror. Not while driving, please.
But look and notice your face, your shoulders, and more. Are there facial or body actions that you are not really aware of? As with most things, awareness is the first step. If you now know you are doing it, you can work on reining that in.
Next, you may be doing something, and you are aware that it might be misinterpreted.
If others easily assume that I am miserable about something, they may be guessing wrong about what it is. So what should I do? Name it. Direct and accurate communication to counteract what is indirect and inaccurate.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Without much thought, we can use words and phrases that subtly or strongly convey meaning â and do unnecessary harm. Aâ blended familyâ is more positive than a âstepfamilyâ. âAlwaysâ and âneverâ are words that frequently cause harm (and are often inaccurate). âIâ statements can lead to more positive conversations than accusatory ones. Vague words like âyouâ and âsoonâ invite trouble.
These examples arenât meant to be exhaustive, but to illustrate how we can pay more attention to the words that we use and perhaps avoid some unnecessary bad conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Emily Bouchard combines her academic learning, professional experience, and personal awareness to serve blended families. We talk about reframing stepfamilies to blended families, ex-partners to former partners, and bonus parents â examples of the importance of careful language and intentional communication to enable families to thrive. And we hear a taste of Emilyâs work with humans connecting with horses in transformational retreats.
Emily mentions her book, Beginnerâs Guide to Purposeful Prenups. You can learn more about that and her work here: https://emilybouchard.com/
Her recent article about the challenge of gray divorce can be found here: https://www.craincurrency.com/family-office-management/gray-divorce-and-remarriage-can-make-things-complicated-family-office
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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A false start in a conflict situation can appear in different ways. We can create a conflict where none existed or when we make a good faith attempt to resolve a conflict. Of course, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A concept so fundamental that it was the focus of Episode 11, way back on March 13, 2019. But if a false start has occurred, remember and take advantage of the fact of the false start â emphasis on âstartâ. So, letâs start over. If you made an honest mistake, try an old-fashioned apology. Explain, if you can, what went wrong. If the other person refuses to engage with you and says so, consider offering a cooling-off period of some specific duration. An agreement to try again at a certain time or date. Take a break, a breather, a pause. If itâs just crickets, no response at all, think about a good length for a breather â from your perspective and the other personâs, too â and pick it. Take the initiative to try again at the end of that pause. Itâs just the start. Too soon to give up. Worth it to try again and do what you can to set up for a better result.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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There is widespread agreement that the phrase comes from a military engagement, though which one is the original is less clear. Fundamentally, what is the cost to take that hill, to hold the high ground. Then weighing it against the advantage. In interpersonal conflict, we can benefit by going through that analysis explicitly and thoughtfully.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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The general idea of Community Mediation is that trained volunteers work on neighbor disputes. The volunteer mediators are impartial. This approach can keep disputes out of court. And thatâs the most common understanding of it. But community mediation can be much more. First, the individuals in a specific mediated dispute can experience a way to address disagreements and conflict beyond just hating a neighbor or getting the police involved, in one way or another. Many settings beyond neighborhoods can benefit. Not just individuals but groups and organizations can engage in mediation. And services beyond mediation can have great value.
The hard part is the funding, at least in part because it can be difficult to put a monetary value on problems solved, relationships improved, and government expenses avoided.
You can learn more about Community Mediation through the website of the U.S. based National Association for Community Mediation (NAFCM) https://www.nafcm.org/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Maria Arpa joins me to talk about her journey from a very challenging childhood to a mission to help families, organizations, and communities find effective solutions to problems. Maria is the creator of The Dialogue Road Map, which she uses in her own work. And it is critical to the deep engagement of the social change charity she created, the London-based Centre for Peaceful Solutions. Learn more about the Centre here: https://centreforpeacefulsolutions.org/ . And about her own professional work here:https://workplacehuddle.com/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Mediation is a flexible process. What matters is what works for the people involved and the mediator. That the people in conflict are in control of the outcome. That the mediator is impartial. That the people in conflict are treated equally. And that anything said in confidence to the mediator stays in confidence. Think about mediation creatively and expansively. Itâs a good fit in many circumstances of conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Iâve been diving into helping people handle conflict for many years. Decades now. Early on, more than a few people could get mixed up about mediation and meditation. Fortunately, I havenât seen that kind of mix-up for a long time.
But hereâs a perennial one: mediation and arbitration. Merriam-webster.com has this to say: arbitration is the hearing and determination of a disputed case by an arbiter. Or, arbitrator. Mediation is defined as intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation, settlement, or compromise.
Fundamentally, mediators do not decide. Do not judge. Do not impose solutions.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Janet Ettele joins me to talk about her new book, How Joyous Effort Works. Itâs the fourth in her How Life Works series. Through her books, Janet presents an accessible introduction to Buddhist principles, using the timeless power of story.
You can learn more about Janetâs work, including her books, here: https://janetettele.com/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Here are three short episodes that were particular favorites this year.
âThe problem with perceptionsâ June 5, 2024 4:46
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-283-the-problem-with-perceptions?rq=284
âNot enough of a good thingâ August 14, 2024 4:15
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/nbspepisode-294-not-enough-of-a-good-thing?rq=294
âSatisfying vs. productiveâ December 11, 2024 4:00
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/podcast/episode-312-satisfying-vs-productive?rq=312
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Christianityâs Golden Rule, to do unto other as you would have them do unto you, is woven into nine other world religions (at least).
Hereâs the source for the phrasing in this episode: https://www.scarboromissions.ca/golden-rule/golden-rule-across-the-worlds-religions You can buy a poster there, too.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Kelly McDonald joins me to talk about her book, How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You. We talk about her take on constructive conflict and some fascinating and compelling research about the challenge and benefit of working with people not like you. You can learn more about this book and Kellyâs other books here: https://www.mcdonaldmarketing.com/ .She invites connection requests on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellycmcdonald/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Satisfying or productive? In a way, an expansion on the idea of stopping yourself from uttering that clever, snarky comeback. Definitely might be satisfying, but unlikely to be productive. More likely to be harmful: creating a conflict, exacerbating one, or laying the groundwork for trouble by creating ill feelings.
In addition to snarky comments, consider actions, inactions, delays. From a conflict perspective some tempting words and acts may feel good â in a bad way â and be quite damaging.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Rabbi Daniel Cohen joins me to talk about his book, What Will They Say About You When You Are Gone?: Creating a Life of Legacy. We discuss how we all create that legacy every day, even in the smallest moments. We talk about reverse engineering your life, anticipatory kindness, and Elijah moments. You can learn more about the book, Rabbi Cohenâs new podcast, radio work, and The Legacy Academy at his website: https://www.rabbidanielcohen.com/
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Itâs Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. We are encouraged, of course, to reflect on what we can be grateful for. There is more focus on our inward directed reflection than on expressing our gratitude to those around us. When we do look outward, in our interactions with others, can we try to add gracious to grateful? Not just because it would be nice. Being gracious now may lead us to be grateful down the road for nasty conflicts prevented or more easily defused.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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When you are truly stuck with a lousy option and need to accept it, what process can you follow?
First, acknowledging the frustration. The grief. The loss. Second, trying to keep the finger-pointing and blame to a minimum. Backward-looking âif onlysâ donât help. Third, trying to keep the focus on the future. Whatever that was now going to be. If there were lessons to be learned, trying to absorb them with grace and intention. Finally, keeping priorities clear. If the relationships matter, doing what needs to be done to repair and strengthen them.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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The idea that we can control our emotions is both unrealistic and potentially damaging. We can try to shut them down or bury them. But they wonât go away. They can corrode or explode. Better to make sure that our emotions do not control us â and our behavior. We can recognize the emotions and their effect on us. Then work to make sure we donât give up our agency to them.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGYÂź Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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