Episoder
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comLyschel and Pam had other obligations, so I, Bonny will be speaking with a special guest today â Dr. Barb Steffens!
Barb is the retired founder of the association of partners of sex addicts trauma specialists, or APSATS. APSATS was a response to her empirically supported work that betrayed partners are traumatized by the discovery of their spouses problematic sexual behavior and should be supported through the lens of trauma, not co-dependence. Barb now focuses on helping better equip religious leaders to care for marriages that are struggling through the discovery of problematic sexual behavior.
Today, our topic is âHow Religious Leaders Can Serve Betrayed Couples Well.â
We Will be Discussing: What is institutional trauma or institutional betrayal? What are some things that religious leaders could do to minimize spiritual trauma when they are working with a marriage that has deceptive sexuality? What are some obstacles that keep religious leaders from following up with a couple where the wife has newly discovered sexually problematic behavior? What are some resources that religious leaders could tap into to learn more? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:âYour Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal,â by Dr. Barb Steffens and Marsha Means.
Why did God let this Happen? Assessing the Spiritual Impacts of Sexual Addiction on Intimate Female Partners: A Qualitative Investigation
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training Information (July, 2024, dates)
âThe Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong about Pornography and How to Fix It,â By Sam Black.
âSuffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores,â by Dr. Diane Langberg.
Coming November, 2024 â âWhen the Church Harms Godâs People: Becoming Faith Communities That Resist Abuse, Pursue Truth, and Care for the Wounded,â by Dr. Diane Langberg.
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: We are continuing to tenderly discussing sexual abuse in marriage and today we are moving into the intense end of the spectrum and will be talking about marital rape. So, again, we invite you to check in with yourself. Are you in a grounded enough place to listen to this conversation? If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now.
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comIn our last episode we talked about your right to give consent to sexual engagement in marriage. Marriage does not nullify your right to say yes or no to having sex with your husband.
It was only 31 years ago that marital rape became illegal in all 50 states. And today, in 2024, 9 states still have legal loopholes that allow rapist husbands to receive as little as probation as a punishment for this heinous crime. These states are Idaho, Nevada, California, Oklahoma, Mississippi, South Carolina, Virginia, Ohio, and Michigan (https://www.newsweek.com/spousal-rape-loophole-map-1892924 ) . Iâm talking about the US because that is where we are based. Worldwide, 150 countries have criminalized marital rape and 48 countries it is not criminalized and 6 it is unclear. So, women around the world are still fighting against archaic laws that harken back to when women were considered property. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape_laws_by_country ) We Will be Discussing: When does sexual coercion cross the line into marital rape? What would you say to the woman listening who has experienced marital rape? How does Jesus see women, especially those who are abused? What hope can we leave our listeners? Scripture references:Luke 1:38
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Mangler du episoder?
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: The next two episodes we are tenderly discussing topics around sexual abuse in marriage. So, we invite you to assess whether you are in a grounded enough state to listen to this conversation. If you are not, please come back another time and listen. If you choose to stay, please take some grounding breaths and hold yourself in compassion and love, knowing Jesus is sitting with you right now. Itâs hard to consider that sexual abuse can happen in marriage, and yet it does. It is one of the most confusing and distressing things a wife can process. It is a double betrayal.Sexual abuse is not uncommon in marriages where the spouse with problematic sexual behavior has not embraced the reality of their damaging behaviors. Sexual abuse can fall on a spectrum from objectification and light coercion on one end to marital rape on the other end. Today, we are discussing consent and sexual coercion. According to The Law Insider website, sexual coercion is defined as the use of unreasonable pressure in an effort to compel another individual to initiate or continue sexual activity against the individualâs will. Sexual coercion wrongfully impairs the other individualâs freedom of will (like using threats, making them pay afterwards with pouting behavior or abandonment for a time, drugs and alcohol to inhibit them from refusing) or impairs their ability to choose whether to engage in sexual activity (an example of this is having sex with someone who is asleep or is so sick or unhealthy and cannot stop what is happening, this to me, borderlines on rape, but thatâs for our next episode). We Will be Discussing: What is consent? What are some faulty messages women have received about her right to say no to sex in marriage? (faulty messages from church and culture) So thinking back to the faulty message, how have these faulty messages enabled sexual coercion in marriage? What is the truth for a woman who has been coerced? What grace can she give herself? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comHow Not to be an A** by Andrew J. Bauman
The Sexually Healthy Man by Andrew J. Bauman
Practicing Full Consent â blog post by Andrew J. BaumanAuthentic Intimacy ministry with Dr. Juli Slattery
Rethinking Sexuality by Dr. Juli SlatterySexual Clarity for Christian Women â class led by Bonny Logsdon Burns (Strong Wives)
Scripture references:1 Corinthians 7:4-5
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now: We often work with women who experience a lack of understanding from their husbands on what it takes to heal from sexual betrayal trauma. So, today, we are discussing, âWhen the husband is frustrated with her slow healing process.â We Will be Discussing: Letâs revisit the definition and experience of betrayal trauma. What are the definitions and how betrayal trauma impacts a womanâs functioning? How long, typically, does a woman take to heal from betrayal trauma? What is important for a husband to know when he experiences frustration due to her healing process? (Can address him trying to control her recovery here.) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comAdding Attunement to Empathy (APSATS radio)
What is EMDR to help memories fade?
How Betrayal Trauma Manifests Itself with Dr. Kevin Skinner
Scripture references:2 Timothy 1:6-7
Jeremiah 29:11-14
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Help Us Help Others Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comIf youâve been with us from the beginning, or have binged us up until this point, youâll know that we have purposely laid out content to follow a trajectory from first discovery, through safety and stability, grief and mourning, and at some point we will move through post-traumatic growth.
The past episode and this one deal with coupleship recovery and lands in the space of when you feel safe enough, especially if your husband has jumped into recovery with a full commitment. We know that some husbands take a longer time to come out of denial to embrace recovery and some never get there.
Today, Pam and I are talking about 3 more keys to coupleship recovery.
We Will be Discussing: What is coupleship recovery? When can a couple start recovery? What importance does friendship have in recovery? What other couple resources are out there? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:Learn Empathy: Help Your Betrayed Wife Heal by Marsha Means
Help Her Heal by Carol J. Sheets and Allan J. Katz
Help Them Heal by Carol J. Sheets
Daring Venturesâ Couples Centered Recovery
7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by the Gottmans (NOT betrayal focused, general audience)
Podcast â Helping Couples Heal (secular, great content)
Podcast â Human Intimacy Podcast with Dr. Kevin Skinner
Podcast â From Crisis to Connection with Geoff & Jody Steurers
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
Build True Intimacy by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith and Dan Drake
Scripture references:Malachi 4:2
Proverbs 27:17
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comHelp Us Help Others
Listen now:Pam and Bonny discuss 3 Keys to Coupleship Recovery â Safety/stability, Prioritizing the Relationship, and Radical Honesty.
We Will be Discussing:What would you like couples to know about safety and stability?
Resources:
What does it mean to prioritize the relationship?
Whatâs the definition of Radical Honesty and how does it play out?
What hope can we leave our listeners?Radical Honesty with Dr. Jake Porter (youtube video)
Scripture references:2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comHelp Us Help Others
Listen now:Today, Lyschel and Bonny discuss, "So What, Lord?" or, "Prove it, Lord."
This isn't our typical episode. It's a conversation as Lyschel shares a devotional she recently connected with on a deeper level and wants to share with you.
We Will be Discussing: What attribute of God has meaning for the emotions in our story. What does a praise party look like? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this showSubscribe to The Father's Business for more devotionals like this.
The I AM For Your Every Need
Sooner or later, everyone will be beaten up, battered, bruised, and burned out by the dailies of life. Good news! God is the Lord of all of your life. List every need and emotion that you are feeling, no matter how small they seem. After you have acknowledged all your emotions and needs, go through the names of God until you find the expression of His character that meets each need. For every need, there is a corresponding attribute of God. Affirm that God is still God, no matter how you feel. Have a praise party, not a pity party, for your loving Father is a big God. He is able to do much more than you need or can think or ask.
He is the I AM for our needs
He is Abba Father when we need fathering.
He is acceptance when we feel unwanted.
He is adequacy for our inadequacy.
He is all-sufficient in our hardest situations.
He is the Amen, the true witness.
He is the Answer for our uncertainty and questions.
He is the Author of faith for our unbelief or doubt.
He is the Bread of life for our spiritual hunger.
He is broken and spilled out for us when weâve been used.
He is the Burden-bearer when we are heavy laden.
He is before all things when weâre surprised.
He is cleansing for our defilement and shame.
He is closer than a brother when we are lonely.
He is our Comforter who wipes away tears in our griefs and sorrows.
He is our Defender when we are under attack.
He is our Deliverer from our bondage or captivity.
He is our Door-opener when it looks like thereâs no way out.
He is our sure Foundation, when weâre insecure.
He is our Faithful Friend when friends fail us.
He is Fullness when weâre empty.
He is God of love when we feel unloved and need a hug.
He is God who is there when we feel alone or abandoned.
He is our Guide and the Way when weâre confused and need direction.
He is grace when weâre too hard on ourselves or others.
He is our Healer for woundedness, rejection, and sickness.
He is Hope when we are discouraged and want to quit.
He is Humility for our pride.
He is Joy when we are depressed.
He is our Keeper and Protector when we are vulnerable.
He is the Lifter of our heads when we feel weighed down.
He is long-suffering, slow to anger when we have blown it again.
He is Mercy for criticism and unkindness.
He is Mighty God, our strength for our weakness or temptation.
He is Never-failing, always the same when we are fickle and faithless.
He is Overcoming victory for defeat and depression.
He is the Plumb Line to stand against the worldâs situational ethics.
He is the Prince of peace when we are stressed, worried, and confused.
He is the Provider for every financial need.
He is the Quieter of the storm for afflictions without and struggles within.
He is Reconciliation for breaches in relationships.
He is Rest when weâre tired.
He is the Restorer of our souls when weâre bruised and beaten down.
He is the Reviver, living water when we are depleted and thirsty.
He is Satisfaction when weâve tried everything and come up empty.
He is the Song, our praise when weâre joyless and heavy of heart.
He is the Spirit of the Lord when we need to be set free.
He is our Strength when weâre weak.
He is Truth for the worldâs warped opinions.
He is True Riches when weâre tempted to covet the worldâs wealth.
He is Vengeance when we are angry and wronged.
He is Wisdom for our hard choices.This is only a beginning. Make your own list as a personal affirmation that God is your Need-meeter. He is the Most High God who reigns over all. To whom else would we go? He alone is the Word of eternal life.
Taken from Prayer Portions, ©1991 and from For The Family ©1995 by Sylvia Gunter. Available at www.thefathersbusiness.com. An archive of past devotionals is available on the website.
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comHelp Us Help Others
Listen now:Today, we are discussing faulty messages women have received from church or societyâs teachings and how these teachings have impacted betrayed wives.
Proverbs 31:8-9 in the message says, âSpeak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of the down-and-outers. Speak up for justice, for the poor and needy!â Thatâs what this episode is about, giving you words and a voice to move toward clarity.
We Will be Discussing: What are some faulty teachings women have been exposed to? How do these faulty teachings influence a woman? What is the truth that counters these faulty teachings? (Suggestion â find scripture that refutes the faulty teachings) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:Redemptive Divorce: A Biblical Process that Offers Guidance for the Suffering Partner, Healing for the Offending Spouse, and the Best Catalyst for Restoration by Mark W. Gaither
Redeeming Power understand authority and abuse in the church by Dr. Diane Langberg
The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth by Beth Allison Barr
Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Womanâs Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Natalie Hoffman
Leslie Vernick Blog Juli Slattery - Java with Juli Podcast Scripture references:Jeremiah 29:11
Galatians 3:28
Genesis 2:18
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With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Listen now: Today, we are continuing our discussion around, âHow to Make Time for Healing.â In the last episode, we walked through how she can care for herself through the first phase of healing, safety and stability. Our incredible guest, Casey Allison, is back with us today! In our questions now, we will focus on the second stage of healing, remembering and mourning. We Will be Discussing:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com1.What are some experiences busy women have when they enter into grief?
2. What are some practical tools we can offer women in this season?
3. What hope can we leave our listeners today?
Resources mentioned in this show:Episode 20: Healing from the Impact of Sexual Betrayal Through Grief
Come Awake with Coach Casey Allison
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Listen now: Today, we are discussing how to make time for healing, especially when you are a busy, maybe youâre a mom with a full-time career, or a woman who runs her own small business, or a woman who has a passion for volunteering. We Will be Discussing: What are some experiences busy women have when first discovery rocks her world? What are some first steps for her to consider to move toward stability and safety? What hope can we leave our listeners today? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comCome Awake with Casey Allison
So Help Me God by Benjamin Hastings
Scripture references:1 Peter 5:7
Romans 5:3-5
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Listen now:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, Lyschel has a conversation with Kim Hansen Petroni around the question of divorce. Kim is an APSATS certified partner coach and has experienced divorce. She is in the process of becoming a certified divorce coach.
We Will be Discussing: What should a wife ask herself when sheâs struggling around the decision of divorce? What about the tension between the grief/the emotions and the next right thing? What are some free or cost-friendly legal resources? What are some free or cost-friendly resources for women who have already divorced? What is the number one thing a woman needs to heal? What does God really say about divorce? Resources mentioned in this show:To find all of Kimâs resources and blog posts, check out her website, Coaching Hope 4 U.
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Listen now: Today, Pam and I are finishing our conversation around âHow Do I Know That Iâm Healing.â (Lyschel still isnât with us, but she will be back soon! We have a practical conversation, about things you can do to assess are you healing or stuck? We Will be Discussing: What can she practically do to help her move forward in her healing and recovery? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comWriting to Heal by James Pennebaker, Ph.D
Clearing Cognitive Distortions by Pam Blizzard
22 Examples of Cognitive Distortions and Worksheet from Positive Psychology
Scripture references:2 Corinthians 10:5
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Listen now: Today, Pam and I are discussing, âHow Do I Know Iâm Healing?â (Lyschel isnât here because she is taking a very small sabbatical because her plate is very full at the moment. She will be back soon, promise! I know we will all miss her!) Back to our topic, âHow Do I Know Iâm healing?â sometimes, in the worst of the pain or when we have a day full of triggers it can feel like we are going to be raw and seeping for the rest of our lives. We want to give you validate your experience and give perspective on how healing happens. We Will be Discussing: What can a woman experience that makes her feel stuck? What questions can she ask herself to assess if she is in fact stuck? What hope can we leave our listeners? Help Us Help Others
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Today we are continuing our discussion around, âWhen Your Husband Keeps Lying,â adding practical tools to care for yourself while navigating continued deception. So, the scenario is, she keeps discovering his deception (and possibly it is not deception about his acting out behaviors, it can be deception about anything), whether itâs through words or actions. We Will be Discussing: What are some things she should ask herself? What are some practical strategies to help her stay sane? What is some hope we can leave her? Resources mentioned in this show:
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comFor Hope Redefinedâs small group listing and retreat information go to: Hope Redefined
For Strong Wivesâ Sexual Clarity Class go to: Sexual Clarity Class
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Today we discuss, "When Your Husband Keeps Lying." We understand that experiencing constant deception is not only emotionally exhausting, but can keep us in a state of complex trauma. . We Discuss: Let's talk about what women are desiring when it comes to honesty in their marriage relaitonship. What is complex trauma and how does continual deception promote it? What hope can we leave? Resources
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comEpisode 6: Boundaries for Partners of People with Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior
Episode 21: Q&A - Boundaries and Why do I Stay?
Building True Intimacy by Dan Drake and Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comToday, Bonny continues her conversation with Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist.
We Discuss: How does a betrayed partner (wife) navigate when the person with SA has been objectifying their own child (not in a physical manner, just in the brain). What does a healthy family in recovery look like? What hope can we leave our friends? ResourcesYou can find Jessica through her practiceâs website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps
âCome As You Are,â Emily Nagoski, book.
âBefore the Sex Talk,â by Linda Noble and Linda Stewart, book.
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comOur previous episode, âWhat about the kids?â is one of our most downloaded episodes. This tells us there is a need for more insight and understanding around how problematic sexual behavior affects the family.
So, today, Iâd like to welcome Jessica Eidens, a betrayed families specialist.
We Discuss: What are the red flags children exhibit from the dynamics of a marriage in conflict over problematic sexual behavior? What are some tools for children to learn how to navigate their emotions? What is a family disclosure and when is it appropriate? ResourcesYou can find Jessica through her practiceâs website: https://www.eidenstherapy.com/jessica-eidens-lmhc-cmhs-csat-ccps
Big Little Feelings
Gottman Emotion Coaching
Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child by Dr. John Gottman Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
Today, we continue our discussion around how a wife can heal even when her husband is not in good emotional and behavioral health, yet. We will be focusing on practical tools and ideas you can use to care for yourself and move into personal growth in spite of her husband's lag in recovery. We Discuss: Why should a wife focus on herself in this season? What are some ways a wife can care for herself in this tough season? (Self-assess your safety, get into a support group for validation and education, do your own personal therapy work for childhood trauma, join a boundaries group if boundaries are hard for you) What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comEpisode 8: Self Care with Practical Ideas
Episode 33: Why are Cognitive Distortions Important to Understand when Healing from Betrayal Trauma?
Episode 34: How Do We Navigate or Heal From Cognitive Distortions
Pam's Clarity and Peace with Boundaries Group
Lyschel's Hope Redefined Boundaries Group
Help Us Help Others -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
In today's episode, we are discussing how your healing is not dependent on your husband's recovery. This conversation has wives in mind that have been on this road for several years now and there is still a good bit of relational conflict in the marriage. In our next episode, we will talk about practical tools you can consider to care for yourself while he is still moving toward solid emotional health. For today, we are talking about what it means for you, that your healing is not dependent on his recovery. We Discuss: What kind of situations and feelings can come up for a wife when his recovery is slow going? Let's talk about the concept that a wife's healing is not dependent on his recovery. What hope can we leave a wife who is in this situation? Help Us Help Others
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com -
With your co-hostesses:
Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com
With the holidays right around the corner, we talk about how to navigate this season that can be tricky for betrayed wives. We Discuss: What makes the holidays hard to navigate after a recent discovery? What are some practical tools for finding stability and sanity during a holiday season? What hope can we leave our listeners? Resources mentioned in this show: True Cotton Etsy Store The Huberman Lab: The Science of Gratitude and How to Build a Practice of Gratitude
Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org
Bonny Burns from StrongWives.comThe Shepherd from The Chosen series
Help Us Help Others - Se mer