Episoder
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Splitting Assets in Divorce: More Than Just Breaking a Toaster in Half
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright tackle the thorny issue of dividing assets in divorce. As part of their P.E.A.C.E. Process mini-series, Seth and Pete break down what "equitable distribution" really means - and why it's about way more than just splitting everything 50/50.
Seth and Pete walk through the four key steps of dividing assets: Identification (what stuff do we actually have?), Classification (whose stuff is it really?), Valuation (what's it worth?), and Distribution (who gets what?). They cover everything from basic bank accounts to complex business valuations, and even dive into some surprising assets you might not think about - like vacation days and airline miles. Along the way, they share real-world examples that show why "fair" in divorce court might not match your definition of fairness.
Questions we answer in this episode:
• How do you figure out what's "yours," "mine," and "ours" in a divorce?
• What happens when one person tries to hide assets?
• Can my ex get half my frequent flyer miles?Key Takeaways:
• Just because something's in your name doesn't mean it's all yours
• Personal goodwill (like your winning personality) isn't a marital asset
• Sometimes arguing for "fairness" means you've already lostPlus, we tackle another listener question! A California resident asks about inherited money that got mixed into shared accounts and home purchases during marriage. Seth explains why following the money matters and how different states handle these situations differently (spoiler alert: location matters!).
Whether you're facing divorce or just curious about how courts slice and dice assets, this episode breaks down complex legal concepts into bite-sized pieces. Seth and Pete take a practical approach to help make this topic both digestible and surprisingly engaging.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - PEACE: Equitable Distribution(01:10) - Equitable, Not Equal(01:38) - Identification(03:55) - Classification(09:35) - Both Marital and Non-Marital (11:30) - Filing Date(12:23) - Proof(13:32) - Rings (14:42) - Valuation(19:34) - Valuing a Business(24:40) - Distribution(26:55) - Not Equitable(28:21) - Hiding Assets(31:52) - Prenups(34:40) - Lots of Nuance(35:26) - Listener Question(41:16) - Wrap Up -
Reunification Therapy: Rebuilding Parent-Child Relationships During and After Divorce
Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome psychotherapist Gina Aguinaga to explore one of the most challenging aspects of divorce: repairing fractured parent-child relationships. As part of their ongoing "Your Divorce Case" series, this episode dives deep into reunification therapy. Gina, who specializes in helping families navigate difficult divorces and separations, brings her expertise to this crucial conversation about healing broken family bonds.
The episode examines the nuanced dynamics of parent-child estrangement during divorce, including both unintentional and intentional alienation behaviors. Seth and Pete guide the discussion through practical approaches to rebuilding relationships, from simple first steps like phone calls to the importance of maintaining presence at children's events. Gina shares insights from her therapeutic process, emphasizing the need to treat family issues holistically rather than focusing solely on the rejected parent and child relationship.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What behaviors or situations typically lead to parent-child estrangement during divorce?How can parents start rebuilding damaged relationships with their children?When should families seek reunification therapy versus trying to handle issues themselves?Key Takeaways:
Start with small, manageable steps toward rebuilding relationshipsFocus on the child's activities and interests during reconnection attemptsAddress issues early - waiting only makes reunification more challengingThis vital installment in the children and divorce conversation provides essential guidance for parents navigating complicated family dynamics. Through professional insight and practical examples, listeners gain valuable strategies for maintaining and rebuilding parent-child relationships during the divorce process, making it a crucial resource for families in transition.
Links & Notes
Find Gina and learn more about the reunification process at her websiteSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Gina Aguinaga, Reunification Specialist(01:00) - When Reunification Therapy Is Needed(03:36) - Reasons(06:25) - When the Child Doesn’t Want to Connect(07:59) - Role of Favored Parent(10:27) - Intentional Alienation(13:20) - Court-Ordered(15:41) - The Favored Parent’s Perspective(16:57) - Frequency(18:48) - Changing Outcomes(20:49) - New People in Parents’ Lives(21:12) - Extended Family(22:24) - Harder Cases(24:04) - When They’re Doing the Work(26:14) - Out of State(27:50) - Get Your Own Treatment Too(30:24) - Finding Gina -
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Parenting Across Two Homes: Strategies for Success After Divorce
In this installment of our Your Divorce Case series, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright continue the conversation about parenting plans by exploring the realities of co-parenting children across two households after divorce. They are joined by Leanne Tran, a registered psychologist who specializes in working with children and families dealing with autism, ADHD, and learning disorders. Building upon the previous episode about crafting effective parenting plans, Seth and Pete dive deeper into the impacts of divorce on children and strategies for successful co-parenting, with a special focus on the unique considerations for neurodivergent kids.
Leanne shares valuable insights on the key factors that influence how children cope with the changes brought by divorce, such as the level of parental conflict, disruption to routines and sense of identity, and the emotional and behavioral signs of distress parents should watch out for. The discussion also touches on the additional challenges faced by neurodivergent children, who may struggle more with transitions, need for sameness, and sensory sensitivities. Leanne emphasizes the importance of parents being on the same page, providing consistency across households, and being mindful of the impact on siblings as well.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What signs indicate a child is struggling emotionally with divorce?How can parents best support neurodivergent children across two homes?What should be considered when introducing a new partner to the family dynamic?Key Takeaways:
Changes in behavior, emotions, sleep, appetite, and interests can signal distress.Consistency, predictability, and catering to sensory needs are crucial for neurodivergent kids.Clear communication and gradual introductions help children adjust to new partners.Through the lens of her expertise, Leanne provides valuable guidance for parents navigating the complexities of co-parenting, both for neurotypical and neurodivergent children. This episode offers practical tips and compassionate advice to help families thrive after divorce, building upon the foundation of a well-crafted parenting plan discussed in the previous episode. Tune in for insights that can make a real difference in your post-divorce parenting journey.
Links & Notes
Find Leanne on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, and her websiteListen to Leanne’s podcast Parent Like a PsychologistSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Leanne Tran(02:37) - Impact on Kids(04:37) - Signs of Distress(06:07) - Changing Their Own Identity(09:27) - Changes in Routine(11:52) - When They’re Neurodiverse(17:00) - Autism(19:20) - Splitting Time(21:20) - Finding a Sense of Regulation(22:05) - Impact on Siblings(23:30) - New Partners(26:43) - Therapeutic Options(30:29) - Handling Parenting Plan(32:07) - Priority Dilution(36:34) - Finding Leanne(37:49) - Wrap Up -
Parenting Plans: The Foundation of Co-Parenting After Divorce
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive deep into the crucial topic of parenting plans as part of their season-long series, Your Divorce Case. Seth shares his expertise on the essential components of a parenting plan and how they can help establish a solid foundation for co-parenting after divorce.
Navigating the Complexities of Parenting Plans
Seth and Pete discuss the key aspects of parenting plans, including parental responsibility, time-sharing, and addressing the unique needs of children at different ages. They explore how the court determines the best interests of the child using various factors and delve into the implications of relocation cases. The hosts also touch on the importance of flexibility and adaptability in parenting plans while maintaining clear and enforceable guidelines.Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the essential components of a parenting plan?How do courts determine the best interests of the child?What happens when one parent needs to relocate for work?Key Takeaways:
Parenting plans should be clear, unambiguous, and enforceableFlexibility and adaptability are crucial for successful co-parentingSubstantial changes in circumstances can warrant modifications to the parenting planThis episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the complexities of divorce with children. Seth's expertise and Pete's thoughtful questions provide listeners with a comprehensive understanding of parenting plans and how they can help establish a strong foundation for co-parenting after divorce. By tuning in, you'll gain the knowledge and tools needed to create a parenting plan that prioritizes your children's well-being and fosters a healthy co-parenting relationship.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - PEACE: Parenting Plan(01:25) - Essential Components(04:14) - Legal Terms(06:06) - Determining What’s Best for the Child(09:43) - Weight for the Factors(11:08) - Geography(14:08) - How Detailed?(16:49) - Allowing for Flexibility(18:55) - Modifying It(21:36) - Enforceability(24:34) - Education, Healthcare, Extracurriculars, Etc.(27:30) - Changes in FL Law(29:18) - It’s About the Child, Not You(31:19) - Wrap Up -
Temporary Relief in Your Divorce
In the latest installment of the Your Divorce Case series, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive into the complex world of temporary relief. Join them as they explore what temporary relief is, who it helps, who it hurts, and why it matters in the grand scheme of your divorce proceedings.
Navigating the Choppy Waters of Divorce
Seth and Pete break down the concept of temporary relief, a legal lifeline designed to keep families afloat during the tumultuous divorce process. They discuss how temporary relief can address critical issues like parenting plans, alimony, child support, and attorney's fees. The hosts also delve into the pros and cons of seeking temporary relief and the potential impact on the final outcome of your case.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What is temporary relief and how can it help during a divorce?How do you request temporary relief and what can you ask for?What are the potential drawbacks of pursuing temporary relief?Key Takeaways:
Temporary relief can level the playing field in contentious divorcesRequesting temporary relief involves filing motions and attending hearingsSeeking temporary relief can be costly and time-consuming, so weigh the pros and consSeth and Pete emphasize that while temporary relief can provide much-needed support during a divorce, it's crucial to consider the financial and emotional costs involved. They offer valuable insights into the strategic decisions you'll face when contemplating temporary relief in your own divorce case.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating divorce. With their trademark wit and expertise, Seth and Pete provide the guidance you need to make informed decisions about temporary relief and protect your interests during this challenging time.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - Temporary Relief(01:51) - What It’s Supposed to Do(14:54) - Why to Consider It(15:42) - The Process(18:23) - Pros and Cons(24:23) - Review(26:16) - How Influential(28:03) - Wrap Up(28:20) - Listener Question -
Meet the Key Players in Your Divorce
In this seventh installment of the "Your Divorce Case" series on How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into the various court personnel and professionals you might encounter during your divorce proceedings. From judges to forensic accountants, they break down the roles and responsibilities of each key player, helping you navigate the complex world of divorce court with greater ease and understanding.
Throughout the episode, Seth and Pete discuss a wide range of court personnel, including trial judges, appellate judges, judicial assistants, bailiffs, court reporters, and clerks of the court. They also explore the roles of professionals outside the courtroom, such as divorce attorneys, paralegals, forensic accountants, guardians ad litem, mediators, and more. By understanding the function of each individual, you'll be better prepared to work with them effectively throughout your case.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Who are the key players in a divorce case, both inside and outside the courtroom?What roles do court personnel and professionals play in the divorce process?How can understanding these roles help you navigate your divorce more effectively?Key Takeaways:
Familiarize yourself with the various court personnel and professionals involved in your case.Understand the responsibilities of each key player to work with them more effectively.Respect and be courteous to all individuals involved, as their actions can impact your case.As part of the "Your Divorce Case" series, this episode is a must-listen for anyone going through a divorce or considering one. By gaining a clear understanding of the key players in your case, you'll be empowered to make informed decisions and work more productively with your legal team. Seth and Pete's insights will help you feel more confident and prepared as you navigate this challenging process.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Court Personnel(02:23) - Pop Quiz(09:11) - Appellate Judge(12:21) - Trial Judge(13:01) - Judicial Assistant(13:35) - Bailiff(14:55) - Court Reporter(15:49) - Paralegals, Legal Assistant, Scheduler, Clerk of the Court(17:12) - Mediation(21:39) - Forensic Accountant(24:49) - Corporate Counsel(26:20) - Social Investigator(27:24) - General Magistrate(29:47) - Lawyers(31:29) - Other Roles(36:41) - Wrap Up -
Effortlessly Navigate the Motions Maze in Your Divorce Case
In this sixth installment of our series, Your Divorce Case, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive deeper into the world of motions in divorce proceedings. Building upon the foundation laid in Motions Part I, we explore the differences between evidentiary and non-evidentiary hearings, discuss various types of motions you may encounter, and provide valuable insights to help you navigate this crucial aspect of your divorce case.
Seth and Pete break down the key distinctions between evidentiary and non-evidentiary hearings, highlighting the importance of understanding what to expect in each type of hearing. They also discuss common motions, such as temporary orders, restraining orders, and motions to compel, providing real-world examples and practical advice for listeners facing these challenges in their own divorce cases.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What's the difference between evidentiary and non-evidentiary hearings?Do I need to testify at every hearing during my divorce?What are some common motions filed in divorce cases?Key Takeaways:
Always be prepared to answer questions in court, even if it's a non-evidentiary hearing.Evidentiary hearings are like mini-trials, with witnesses, evidence, and cross-examination.Familiarize yourself with the types of motions that may arise in your divorce case.This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of divorce. Seth and Pete's insights and practical advice will help you understand the motions process, prepare for hearings, and make informed decisions throughout your case. Whether you're just starting your divorce journey or in the thick of it, this episode will provide the knowledge and confidence you need to move forward.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Motions Part II(01:11) - Catch-Up on Last Week(02:41) - Motions Quiz(12:18) - Evidentiary vs. Non-Evidentiary Hearings(25:40) - What to Expect as the Client(28:07) - When They’re Filed Against Me(34:54) - Next Week: Court Personnel -
In part 5 of the Your Divorce Case series, Seth and Pete dive deep into the world of motions in divorce law. They explore what motions are, why they matter, and how the right move can dramatically impact your case.
Seth and Pete break down the different types of motions, from motions to compel and for contempt, to emergency motions and motions for temporary relief. They discuss the requirements and strategies for each, sharing insider tips on how to effectively present your case to the judge in the limited time you have.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are motions and why are they important in divorce cases?How do I get a hearing scheduled for my motion?What types of motions are common in divorce proceedings?Key Takeaways:
Motions are requests for the court to take action before the case is finalizedThoroughly prepare for your motion hearing as time with the judge is limitedUnderstand the specific requirements and procedures for different types of motionsWhether you're seeking temporary alimony, exclusive use of the marital home, or enforcement of a prior court order, this episode arms you with the knowledge to confidently navigate the maze of motions in divorce court. Seth and Pete's expert insights and practical advice make this a must-listen for anyone facing divorce litigation.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Motions(02:13) - What Are They?(11:17) - Emergency Motions(13:03) - Motion for Temporary Relief(17:39) - Scheduling a Hearing(26:00) - After the Ruling(33:58) - Next Week: Motions Part II(35:03) - Wrap Up -
Divorce Questions Answered: Navigating the Complexities
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into listener questions, addressing a wide range of divorce-related topics. From the financial implications of staying married on paper to the impact of alcohol consumption on custody, Seth and Pete provide insightful guidance to help you navigate the complexities of divorce.
Throughout the episode, Seth and Pete tackle real-life scenarios submitted by listeners, offering practical advice and legal perspectives. They discuss the pros and cons of staying married for financial benefits, the factors considered in relocation cases, and the potential consequences of winning the lottery during a divorce. Seth and Pete also address the emotional challenges of dating during a divorce and the importance of focusing on your children's well-being.
Some questions we answer in this episode:
• What are the financial pros and cons of staying married on paper?
• How does alcohol consumption impact custody decisions?
• Can a judge force a parent to return after relocating without filing?Key Takeaways:
• Timing and legal nuances play a crucial role in divorce proceedings.
• Prioritize your children's well-being and seek legal advice before making decisions.
• Be mindful of the long-term consequences of your actions during a divorce.Whether you're considering a divorce or currently going through one, this episode provides valuable insights and guidance. Seth and Pete's expertise and relatable approach make complex legal concepts accessible, empowering you to make informed decisions. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of the divorce process and discover strategies to protect your interests and maintain healthy relationships.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:04) - Listener Questions(02:50) - Married-ish in Malibu(09:11) - Alcohol and Custody(13:14) - Muddled by Moving(16:02) - Lucky Lotto Limbo(18:33) - Longing for Love(20:58) - Pregnant and Perplexed(24:34) - Pension Ponderer(26:57) - Retirement Percentage Perplexed(28:44) - Dissolution Deliberator(31:53) - Sam(33:21) - Family Law Fixer(37:17) - Saddled with Spousal Support(41:05) - Reconciliation Rollercoaster(42:52) - Falsely Accused Father(45:17) - Endless Ex Entanglement(49:49) - Commingled Cash Conundrum(50:18) - Breathalyzer Burden of Proof Puzzled(51:31) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Navigating the Complexities of Pleadings in Divorce
In this episode of "How to Split a Toaster" – part three of our Your Divorce Case series – Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive into the intricate world of divorce proceedings, focusing on the crucial role of pleadings. Seth and Pete aim to demystify the legal jargon and provide valuable insights to help listeners navigate their divorce cases more effectively.
We explore the emotional and legal significance of filing for divorce, discussing the various documents involved, such as petitions, counter-petitions, and answers. They shed light on the importance of properly drafting and filing these documents, as they set the stage for the entire divorce process. The hosts also delve into the nuances of residency requirements and how they can impact the court's jurisdiction over a case.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are pleadings and why are they important in a divorce case?How can the way pleadings are drafted influence the outcome of your divorce?What should you consider when deciding whether to file for divorce first?Key Takeaways:
Pleadings are crucial documents that set the foundation for your entire divorce case.It's essential to work with your lawyer to ensure your pleadings accurately reflect your goals and desires.Understanding the legal terminology and process can help you make informed decisions throughout your divorce.This episode provides a wealth of information for anyone considering or currently going through a divorce. By breaking down complex legal concepts and offering practical advice, Seth and Pete empower listeners to take a more active role in their divorce cases and work towards achieving the best possible outcome for themselves and their families.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:04) - Pleadings(03:09) - The Filing(05:34) - A Pleading(06:50) - Petition and Answer and Counter Petition(11:04) - Residency(15:42) - Notice Pleadings(17:57) - Amended Positions(22:37) - Getting Pleadings Right(26:11) - Boilerplate Items(30:32) - When Pleadings are Closed(32:23) - Your Answer(38:19) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Navigating the Do's and Don'ts of Divorce
This week on How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into the second episode of Your Divorce Case, a season dedicated to providing listeners with practical advice for navigating the complexities of divorce. This episode tackles a critical aspect of the process: your actions. Seth and Pete emphasize the importance of taking responsibility and making conscious choices throughout the divorce journey to minimize conflict, reduce legal fees, and prioritize the well-being of everyone involved.This episode centers around the concept of maintaining the "status quo." Seth and Pete explain the significance of standing orders, which are court-issued guidelines that dictate behavior during divorce proceedings. They delve into various aspects of maintaining the status quo, such as managing finances, co-parenting responsibly, and communicating effectively. From handling credit card spending to navigating shared expenses and making major purchases, they offer practical advice on avoiding common pitfalls that can escalate conflict and legal costs. They also emphasize the importance of clear, respectful communication with your ex-spouse, especially when it comes to children, and caution against involving friends and family in a way that could negatively impact the case.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are standing orders, and how do they impact my divorce?How can I manage finances responsibly during the divorce process?What are the implications of dating during a divorce?Key Takeaways:
Maintain the "status quo" in all aspects of your life, particularly finances and childcare.Communicate with your ex-spouse clearly, respectfully, and factually, avoiding emotional language.Seek support from a therapist rather than involving friends and family, who could potentially become witnesses in your caseThis episode of How to Split a Toaster is an invaluable resource for anyone going through a divorce. Seth and Pete provide practical advice and actionable steps to help listeners navigate the process with greater clarity, control, and peace of mind.
Links & Notes
BIFF for Co-Parent Communication by Bill EddySchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:04) - Your Actions Matter(04:31) - Standing Orders(05:20) - Financial Status Quo(11:10) - Out of the Ordinary Expenses(14:13) - Standing Orders with Kids(16:34) - Communication Strategies(20:45) - “I believe”(22:24) - Dating During Your Divorce(25:35) - Discoverable(26:26) - Friends and Family(28:25) - Protected Communication(29:29) - Therapist(31:29) - Relocation(36:09) - The Move(42:24) - Documents(44:15) - No Photos(46:11) - Next Time: Pleadings(47:49) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright kick off season 10 with an exciting and in-depth season-long series: Your Divorce Case. In this first episode, we start by diving into one of the most important relationships you'll have during your divorce: the one with your attorney. Seth shares his expertise on establishing the attorney-client relationship, from the initial consultation to the next steps in the process.
Seth and Pete discuss key aspects of working with a divorce attorney, including attorney-client privilege, conflict checks, and what to expect during your first call. They also explore strategies for finding the right lawyer for your case and how having a good attorney on the other side can benefit both parties.
Questions we answer in this episode:
• When does the attorney-client relationship begin?
• What should you expect during the initial consultation?
• How can you prepare for your first call with a divorce attorney?Key Takeaways:
• Attorney-client privilege starts from the moment you believe the attorney represents you, even without a formal agreement.
• Be prepared for conflict checks and providing basic information during your first call.
• Having a skilled attorney on the other side can help resolve your case more efficiently.Seth and Pete's insights will help you navigate the early stages of your attorney-client relationship with confidence. By understanding the process and knowing what to expect, you'll be better equipped to work with your lawyer and achieve your goals in the divorce.
This episode is packed with valuable information that can save you time, money, and stress as you begin working with a divorce attorney. Tune in to learn how to establish a strong foundation for one of the most critical relationships in your divorce journey.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:04) - The First Call(03:17) - The Attorney-Client Relationship(08:26) - Tracking Conflicts(10:49) - What You Should Expect(14:18) - Conflicting-Out Strategies(17:22) - Goal for This Conversation(22:34) - Cost and Duration(24:11) - Expectations for Second Call(26:08) - Season 10 Plans(28:03) - Checklist(29:37) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Learning to Communicate with a Narcissist
Narcissist Divorce Coach Victoria McCooey joins Seth and Pete to talk about the challenges that come when trying to get out of a marriage to a narcissist. It’s not easy! We walk through Victoria’s three stages in communicating with your narcissist soon-to-be ex that can help you more easily navigate this difficult situation through each of its phases.
Victoria has been through her own divorce from just this sort of person and has turned that experience into a powerful mission to help others do the same.
Links & Notes
Victoria McCooey Coaching:on the webon Instagramon Facebookon TikTokon YouTubeSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:34) - Meet Victoria McCooey(02:05) - Three Phases in Communicating With a Narcissistic Spouse(04:31) - Getting Ahead(06:10) - Turning to Attorney(07:29) - The Stepford Wife Phase(09:05) - Phase Two(10:05) - Learning to Not Take the Bait(15:22) - Taking a While to Get Out(17:17) - Communicating During Divorce Podcast(18:38) - STUFF(21:12) - Other People's Eyeballs(22:32) - Problem With Message or Sender?(24:28) - Kids Are the Priority(26:06) - Asking Lawyer What to Gather(27:03) - Getting Stronger(28:58) - How Will It Be Presented?(29:59) - Phase Three(33:01) - Reaching Out to Victoria(36:14) - Wrap Up -
When you hear the term ‘Custody Battle,’ you have a certain image in your mind. Courtroom fights, crying kids, the worst stereotypes we learn from movies and television. But what happens when you find yourself in a fight for the custody of your kids for real? This week on the show, we welcome Reneé Rodriguez, custody coach and founder of Best Foot Forward, a company with a singular mission: helping parents navigate family court in contentious custody situations.
We talk about perspective – look at what you’re bringing to your lawyer. Are they gripes? Or are they real issues? There’s a difference between the real world and the legal world, and it’s important to know the difference. The goal, of course, is to help you as the parent figure out what’s actually in your best interest. That doesn’t necessarily line up with what you think is in your best interest. The faster you’re able to connect with that, the easier your custody battle will be.
The key in all custody cases is, of course, the kids. How do you protect your kids so they are damaged as little as possible in the process? This is particularly true when trying to get away from a spouse who is a narcissist or abusive.
And the real struggle here is that you have to acknowledge that court-ordered parenting classes rarely make a change in a parent. Courts can’t order parents change to be better parents. But judges are real people. They’re working to help the child end up in the best situation they can.
There’s a lot to discuss about this topic. Tune in!
About ReneéI help parents in a custody battle against a narcissistic co-parent to go into family court and get the custody arrangement that's best for their kids. These women and men have suffered psychological abuse at the hands of their former partners and are working to ensure their children are protected from further cruelty. My company, Best Foot Forward, was founded in early 2018, born out of the encouragement of others to focus on what I had become highly skilled at--navigating family court with my particular strategy and set of templates and sharing all of this with others.
Links & Notes
National Domestic Violence HotlineBest Foot Forward LLCBest Foot Forward’s Custody TemplatesReneé on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:44) - Meet Reneé Rodriguez(02:19) - Custody Battles(06:23) - Important to You vs. The Court(11:34) - Coaching the Parent(13:28) - What's Fair(14:06) - Documentation(17:56) - Buried in Details(19:54) - The Kids(23:59) - What's Kept Them Stable(27:46) - Domestic Violence(36:46) - High Conflct(39:25) - DV Hotline(40:15) - Reneé's Background(48:44) - Best Foot Forward(50:16) - Contentious Cases(51:26) - Wrap Up -
How has divorce impacted your sex life? Have you noticed a difference in intimacy as you move through your separation, dating, and even sex in your subsequent marriages? How has your experience communicating about your sexual interests and experience changed through divorce?
Dr. Joe Kort is a psychotherapist and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health and a board-certified clinical sexologist. He’s here today to help us navigate the uncertain waters of your post-divorce sex life.
Follow Joe Kort on TikTokThe Center for Relationship and Sexual Health(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:51) - Meet Dr. Joe Kort(02:56) - The Changing Landscape of Sex(03:41) - The Love Bomb(04:29) - Healthy Sex Conversations(08:32) - Changes in Post-Divorce Sex(09:48) - What Is the Love Bomb?(12:27) - Negotiating Sexual Differences(15:27) - From Relationship to Relationship(16:42) - Finding Yourself(18:19) - Sexual Identities That Change(20:00) - The Taboo of Sex Talk(23:49) - Rebalancing Power in a Sexual Dynamic(25:25) - Profiling Your Partner(28:17) - Different Backgrounds(29:55) - Practice(31:10) - Discussing Previous Sexual Relationships(35:39) - How the First Time Shapes Things(37:00) - Priorities(38:54) - Wrapping Up
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Let’s just say you’re a woman and you’re about to divorce. We know, crazy, right? But stay with us on this. When you walk away from your marriage, what is it that you most want your former spouse to know? If you could wave a magic wand, not to somehow recover your relationship, but to cast a spell that would ensure that your former spouse truly understood your perspective, what would you say?
This week on the Toaster, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins us from the Moms Moving On Podcast and she is here to wave just such a wand. She has turned her own divorce into a thriving practice, writing, podcasting, and coaching others. And after we talk about the value of that shared perspective, we dive deep on the importance of finding your own community for support and guidance through your divorce process.
Moms Moving OnGet Michelle’s new book, Moms Moving On: Real Life Advice for Conquering Divorce, Co-Parenting with Conflict and Becoming Your Best SelfSubscribe to Michelle’s Podcast(00:00) - Hot Toaster Summer!(01:17) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:44) - Our Guest: Michelle Dempsey-Multack from the Moms Moving On Podcast(02:39) - Perspective Shift(05:02) - How You Speak About Your Ex(08:45) - Viewing the New Person in Your Ex's Life(14:39) - Normalizing Therapy for Men(23:12) - The Value of Communities(26:50) - Working to Keep the Relationship With Your Ex Positive(29:51) - Specific Divorce Community vs. Friend or Family Groups(31:11) - Learning to Be Alone(35:54) - Where to Find Michelle
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In this season finale episode, Seth and Pete explore the concept of emotional capital in divorce with experienced matrimonial and family law attorney Al Feigenbaum. They dive into how preserving emotional well-being during and after a divorce is crucial for effective co-parenting and moving forward in life.
The conversation touches on the importance of attorneys being attuned to their clients' mental health, the impact of the pandemic on divorcing couples, and how lawyers' own emotional capital can be affected by their work. Al shares insights on managing difficult conversations with clients and the pitfalls of getting overly emotionally invested as a divorce attorney.
Questions we answer in this episode:
• What is emotional capital in the context of divorce?
• How can your emotional state impact divorce outcomes?
• What role should a divorce attorney play in addressing a client's mental health?Key Takeaways:
• Preserving emotional capital is crucial for effective co-parenting post-divorce
• Attorneys need to be mindful of how their own communication can escalate emotions
• It's important for attorneys to set boundaries and manage difficult client conversationsThis episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating a divorce who wants to understand the importance of emotional well-being in the process. Seth, Pete, and Al offer valuable perspectives on how to approach divorce in a way that prioritizes mental health and sets you up for a positive post-divorce future.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!About Alan R. Feigenbaum | Blank Rome LLPInstagram (@nonlinearlovestories)Visit NonLinear Love and share your story(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:16) - What is Emotional Capital?(07:04) - Mental Health(18:34) - Financial Impact of Emotional Disregulation(26:18) - Nonlinear Love(31:36) - Learn More(33:00) - Listener Questions(33:16) - How does Greyson's Law impact those who have already gone through the courts but evidence was not submitted?(34:56) - Where does the 50/50 split line get drawn?(37:11) - Can I be forced to take a breathalyzer?(38:00) - Are there tax implications associated with our divorce filing date? -
In this listener question episode, Seth and Pete address a variety of concerns that many individuals face when going through a divorce or considering ending their marriage.
The hosts dive into topics such as dating during the divorce process, fighting for your marriage, handling unresponsive attorneys, and the potential impact of changing laws on no-fault divorces. They also discuss the differences between equitable distribution and alimony, inheritance laws in Florida, and how to approach property appraisals during a divorce.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How should you handle dating before your divorce is finalized?Can the divorce process actually save a marriage?What should you do if your attorney is unresponsive and hasn't filed important documents like your QDRO?Key Takeaways:
Equitable distribution deals with the division of assets and debts, while alimony is based on need and ability to pay.In Florida, inheritance maintained as separate property is generally considered non-marital and not subject to equitable distribution.When seeking a property appraisal, focus on finding a reputable and qualified appraiser rather than trying to manipulate the outcome.It’s an information-packed episode with questions sent in from listeners, and also from listeners who have used our chatbot on the website. Those questions are valuable too, so if you have questions of your own, make sure you get them asked and we’ll do our best to answer them in an episode for you.
Links & Notes
Reach out to Andy to practice dating while going through your divorceReach out to Matt Lundy to see if he works in your state regarding QDROsSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Listener Questions!(00:51) - Question #1(02:57) - Question #2(06:17) - Question #3(10:27) - Question #4(14:14) - Question #5(18:39) - Question #6(20:46) - Question #7(25:38) - Question #8(31:38) - Wrap Up -
Navigating Post-Divorce Relationships with Wendi Dumbroff
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete welcome Wendi L. Dumbroff, a licensed professional counselor and highly trained couple and sex therapist. The conversation centers on the challenges of maintaining civility and communication with an ex-spouse, particularly when children are involved.
Seth and Pete explore the intricacies of post-divorce relationships, seeking guidance from Wendi on how to manage the emotional terrain while prioritizing the well-being of the children. They discuss the significance of redirecting negative energy, establishing clear communication goals, and discovering ways to be heard and validated during the difficult divorce process.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I communicate effectively with my ex when emotions are running high?What can I do to maintain a cordial relationship with my ex for the sake of our children?How do I handle the feelings of resentment and anger towards my ex-spouse?Key Takeaways:
Prioritize your children's well-being and use that as motivation for maintaining civilitySet clear goals for your communication and ensure your messages align with those objectivesAcknowledge your feelings while finding ways to avoid reactive behavior that could escalate the situationThroughout the episode, Wendi offers valuable advice on reframing perspectives, understanding triggers, and doing the necessary personal work to navigate the challenges of post-divorce relationships. Seth and Pete provide relatable examples and insights, making this an engaging and informative listen for anyone grappling with divorce-related communication issues.
Plus, we tackle not one but two listener questions!
Links & Notes
Visit Wendi’s Website or find her on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, or FacebookSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - Meet Wendi L. Dumbroff(00:58) - The Draw to Getting Along with Your Ex(06:30) - Civility During Resentment(07:54) - Help When in the Thick of It(11:33) - Reminding Yourself It’s for Your Kids(14:32) - Correcting Yourself when Angry(20:56) - Being Heard(22:34) - Finding the Right Goal(27:15) - When You’re Damaging the Process(28:59) - Action Steps(31:26) - Finding Wendi(31:46) - Listener Question #1(37:48) - Listener Question #2(40:47) - Wrap Up -
Navigating the Complexities of Military Divorce
In this week's episode of How to Split a Toaster, Pete is joined by a special guest, Kristin Scully, the newest member of NLG Family Law Group. With Seth on vacation, Kristin steps in to share her expertise on the intricacies of military divorce. As a family law attorney with over ten years of experience, Kristin has developed a niche in handling military divorce cases, addressing issues such as pension division, parenting plans, and jurisdictional challenges.
Pete and Kristin dive deep into the unique aspects of military divorce, discussing how factors like frequent relocation, deployments, and military benefits can complicate the process. They explore the misconceptions surrounding military pension division, the importance of understanding the service member's income structure, and the creative strategies for crafting parenting plans that accommodate the demands of military life.
Some questions we answer in this episode:
How is military pension divided in a divorce?What challenges do military families face when creating parenting plans?Can GI Bill benefits be divided in a military divorce?Key Takeaways:
Military pension division is based on the length of the marriage overlapping with years of service, not just the total duration of the marriage.Parenting plans for military families should include provisions for long-distance and local schedules to minimize the need for constant modifications.Jurisdiction can be a complex issue in military divorces, especially when one spouse is stationed overseas.Plus, we tackle another listener question! A listener asks about the difference between a social investigator and a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) in the context of divorce proceedings. Pete and Kristin clarify the distinct roles and responsibilities of these professionals, helping listeners understand when and why each may be appointed in a divorce case.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of a military divorce. With Kristin's extensive knowledge and experience, listeners will gain valuable insights into the unique challenges and considerations involved in these cases. Whether you're a service member, a spouse, or a legal professional, this episode will provide you with the information and strategies you need to approach a military divorce with confidence and clarity.
Links & Notes
Check out Kristin’s pageSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:30) - Kristin Scully and Military Divorce(01:14) - Kristin’s Background(02:02) - Challenges in Military Divorce(03:07) - Military Pension(04:38) - Other Misconceptions(05:40) - Who Pays Pension?(07:23) - Alimony(08:57) - Thrift Savings Plan(09:53) - Calculating Service Member’s Income(12:23) - Parenting Plans(14:33) - When Parents Can’t Work Together(15:51) - Navigating Constant Change and Conflict(17:31) - Court’s Perspective(18:38) - GI Bill(20:23) - Common Mistakes(23:45) - Overseas Courts(25:14) - Listener Question(29:52) - Survivor Benefit Plan(33:38) - Language in Final Judgment(34:24) - Wrap Up - Se mer
