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Welcome back to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, delve into personal growth and relationship building. In this episode, recorded just days before election day, we shift focus from systemic election anxiety to personal management strategies for staying calm post-election.
Join us as we explore how personal agency, adaptability, and focusing on what you can control can empower you to manage anxiety. We discuss the importance of staying connected with others, even amidst differing political views, and how to engage in productive conversations without escalating tensions.
Discover mindfulness and grounding techniques to remain present, and learn the value of resilience in navigating life's uncertainties. Whether you've already voted or are anxiously awaiting results, this episode offers practical insights for maintaining mental well-being during turbulent times.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to a special Election Day episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, guide you through the tension and anxiety that often accompany election seasons.
In this episode, Tim and Ruth offer a calming voice of reason, discussing the balance of power within the U.S. government system and how it limits radical changes post-election. They also emphasize the importance of understanding individual influence at local and state levels, which often impacts daily life more than federal politics.
Drawing on their expertise in trauma and mental health, the Olson's provide personal strategies to manage election-related fears, reminding listeners of the enduring stability of democratic systems and the deeper belief that a higher power is ultimately in control.
Join them as they encourage you to stay informed, exercise your right to vote, and maintain a balanced perspective amidst political uncertainties. Tune in for practical advice and emotional support, empowering you to navigate this election season with resilience and hope.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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In this engaging episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, hosts Tim and Ruth Olson explore the concept of the mental "ledger" we keep, often unintentionally, of the wrongs done to us. Through a personal story about racquetball, Tim illustrates how this ledger can lead to frustration and resentment if left unchecked.
The Olsons discuss practical strategies for addressing these feelings by either actively forgiving others or changing behaviors to even out perceived imbalances in relationships. They emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and understanding different perspectives to maintain harmony and prevent conflicts from escalating.
Listeners are encouraged to examine their own relationships and consider how they can clear their mental ledgers to foster healthier connections. Whether it's through open communication or behavioral adjustments, this episode offers valuable insights into transforming adversity into opportunities for personal growth and stronger relationships.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where hosts Tim and Ruth Olson guide you in transforming life's challenges into opportunities for growth and healthier relationships. In this episode, they delve into the intriguing world of sales, exploring how different approaches can impact both the buyer and the seller.
Join Tim and Ruth as they share their recent experiences at three car dealerships, each offering a unique insight into sales tactics and customer service. Discover how underlying assumptions and personal attitudes play a crucial role in the sales process, influencing trust and satisfaction.
Through engaging storytelling and expert insights, learn about the psychology behind sales interactions, from high-pressure tactics to genuine customer care. Whether you're wary of salespeople or seeking to improve your negotiation skills, this episode provides valuable strategies for navigating the sales landscape with confidence.
Tune in to gain wisdom and practical tips for fostering better communication, making informed decisions, and creating meaningful connections in the world of sales. If you're ready to transform adversity into triumph, this episode is your guide to personal growth and healing from past experiences.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to the Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast, where hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, seasoned marriage and family therapists, guide you through transforming life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. This episode concludes their insightful series on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) by addressing the criticisms related to its accessibility and cost.
The Olsons delve into the financial aspects of therapy, discussing the impact of insurance on session availability and therapist caseloads. They highlight the cost-effectiveness of EMDR, emphasizing its potential for faster symptom reduction and fewer overall sessions compared to other therapeutic methods.
Accessibility is also a key focus, with discussions on the growing number of trained EMDR therapists and the increasing inclusion of EMDR training in counseling programs. The episode explores the benefits of telehealth, which has expanded EMDR's reach, making it more accessible to diverse populations, including those in remote areas or with limited mobility.
Join Tim and Ruth as they provide expert insights and practical strategies to help you navigate the complexities of mental health and therapy. Whether you're seeking healing from past traumas or aiming to strengthen your relationships, this episode offers valuable perspectives and encouragement on your journey to wellness.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to another enlightening episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists, dive into the intricacies of EMDR therapy. This week, they address the criticism that EMDR places too much emphasis on trauma memory processing, potentially overlooking broader psychological and social factors.
Join Tim and Ruth as they unpack how EMDR can act as a gateway to resolving wider issues by first tackling deep-seated trauma. They explain how trauma often underlies various mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties, and how EMDR can unearth and process these memories to pave the way for healing.
The episode also explores the holistic nature of EMDR, which incorporates relationship building, skill development, and emotional regulation. Learn how EMDR isn't just about processing memories but also about equipping clients with the tools to handle emotional challenges effectively, leading to healthier relationships and personal growth.
Tune in for insightful discussions, expert opinions, and practical strategies that emphasize the transformative potential of EMDR therapy in addressing both trauma and its ripple effects on everyday life.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to another insightful episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, where licensed therapists Tim and Ruth Olson delve into the world of EMDR therapy. Today, we tackle the common criticism that EMDR's effectiveness is merely a placebo effect. Join us as we explore the origins of this belief, and how extensive research and real-world outcomes challenge this notion.
In this episode, we discuss the placebo effect in depth, clarifying its meaning and implications in therapeutic settings. Discover how EMDR consistently outperforms placebo treatments in numerous studies, showcasing its true potential in healing trauma and PTSD. We also highlight fascinating neurobiological evidence demonstrating EMDR's impact on brain function, leading to lasting change.
Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, this episode will provide you with valuable insights into the transformative power of EMDR therapy. Tune in to learn how this therapy can help rewire your brain's response to trauma, offering long-term relief and healing. Don't miss this opportunity to deepen your understanding and challenge preconceived notions about therapy.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Welcome to another insightful episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy with your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. In this episode, we dive deep into the potential criticisms of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, focusing on the concern of re-traumatization.
Join us as we explore the importance of therapist qualifications, client readiness, and the adaptive information processing model in minimizing risks associated with EMDR. Learn how this powerful therapy can help you confront and heal from past traumas, transforming your emotional responses and expanding your world.
If you're ready to face your trauma head-on and seek healing, this episode provides valuable insights and practical strategies to support you on your journey. Tune in and discover how EMDR can unlock your mind's potential for self-healing.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts.
In this episode, we dive into the criticisms surrounding EMDR therapy, specifically the claims that its effectiveness is overstated. We'll compare EMDR to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Therapy, discussing their respective benefits and drawbacks. Additionally, we'll explore how EMDR is not just for PTSD, but also effective for treating depression, anxiety, phobias, OCD, addiction, and chronic pain.
Join us as we debunk the myths and provide evidence-based insights into the transformative power of EMDR therapy. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, this episode will shed light on the broader applications and benefits of this innovative therapeutic approach.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. In this episode, we dive deep into the world of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and address some common criticisms and concerns.
We'll explore the debate around the necessity of eye movements in the EMDR process and discuss alternative forms of bilateral stimulation, such as beeping sounds and tactile buzzers. You'll hear about the fascinating theories behind why EMDR works, from mimicking REM sleep to enhancing brain hemisphere communication.
Join us as we unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships. If you're here to heal, understand yourself or your relationships better, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing.
In this episode, we dive into the reasons why therapy can sometimes fail. We'll explore the importance of ruling out physiological issues, the critical role of the therapist-client relationship, and the impact of waiting too long to seek help. We also discuss the significance of session frequency, managing expectations, and the necessity of active involvement in the therapeutic process.
Whether you're here to heal, better understand yourself, or improve your relationships, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate the complexities of therapy and maximize its benefits. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. In this episode, hosts Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts, delve into an often-overlooked tool for mental well-being: journaling.
Discover how journaling can help you calm the storm within your mind, process heavy emotions, and reduce mental overwhelm. Tim and Ruth explore different types of journaling, from managing immediate emotional struggles to using it as a daily habit for enhanced mental clarity and focus. They share expert insights, practical strategies, and personal anecdotes to help you effectively incorporate journaling into your life.
Whether you're dealing with trauma, seeking better emotional management, or looking to improve your communication skills, this episode provides valuable guidance on how to use journaling as a powerful tool for mental health and personal growth. Join the conversation and start your journey towards healing today!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts.
In today's episode, we delve into how backlogged or unresolved tasks can negatively affect your mood and mental health. Using a humorous story about a cookie jar search, we explore the emotional impact of seemingly minor tasks that pile up over time.
Join us as we discuss the importance of addressing these tasks to unburden yourself and improve your overall well-being. We'll share personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you manage your to-do list effectively and reduce stress.
Whether you're looking to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, and let's start healing together.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
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In this episode, we dive into the importance of over-communicating during busy seasons. Using a hectic day from their own lives as an example, Tim and Ruth discuss how effective communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone stays on the same page. They share personal anecdotes and practical tips on maintaining clear communication, even amidst chaos, and emphasize the significance of having grace and patience with your partner.
Whether you're navigating a busy schedule or working through relationship challenges, this episode offers valuable insights on how to communicate effectively and maintain harmony in your relationship. Tune in to learn how to transform adversity into triumph and create meaningful, fulfilling connections.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Each week, we bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love.
In this episode, we dive into a technique designed to help you fall asleep and manage intrusive thoughts. Building on our previous discussion about the "pink elephant" phenomenon, we explore how to redirect your mind from persistent worries by focusing on a simple yet powerful exercise. Learn how to use the alphabet to create a chain of words that will occupy your mind, allowing you to relax and drift into sleep. This method can also be useful during the day to refocus your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
Join us as we guide you through this process, share personal experiences, and explain the science behind why this technique works. Whether you're struggling with sleepless nights or just need a way to calm your mind, this episode offers practical advice to help you achieve a peaceful state of relaxation.
Thank you for tuning in to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Remember, there's always hope and there's always help.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast dedicated to transforming life's challenges into opportunities for growth and healthier relationships. Hosted by licensed therapists Tim and Ruth Olson, this episode dives into the concept of "pink elephants"—those nagging problems that occupy our minds. Learn why focusing on these issues can heighten anxiety and discover practical strategies to redirect your thoughts and manage emotions effectively. Join us for expert insights and engaging conversations designed to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and build enduring love.
In this episode, Tim and Ruth explore how shifting your focus from persistent worries to positive distractions can lead to emotional clarity. They share personal anecdotes, practical advice, and even delve into the importance of order of operations in emotional management. Whether dealing with personal struggles, relationship conflicts, or parenting challenges, this episode offers valuable tools for navigating emotional turbulence. Tune in to learn how to manage your mind, calm your emotions, and approach problems with a clearer perspective.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. As experienced therapists with backgrounds in addressing trauma and mental health disorders, we believe there is hope and there certainly is healing. We've spent our lives supporting people through the ups and downs, and we want to share these insights with you.
Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships. Each week, we'll bring you engaging conversations, expert insights, and practical strategies to help you heal from the past, foster healthy communication, and develop enduring love. This podcast is your guide to transforming adversity into triumph, healing wounds and past trauma, gaining wisdom and insight, and creating meaningful, fulfilling connections. So if you're here to heal, to better understand yourself or your relationships, you're in the right place. So sit back, get comfortable, bring your trauma and your drama, and let's start healing. Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy podcast. We're so glad that you're here with us today. So in the last episode, we talked about communication and why word choice is so important and can impact your relationship. So we're going to continue that today. This will be part two of that. So far, we covered examples of constructive versus destructive word choice when we're talking about feelings, when we're discussing responsibilities, as well as when we're addressing concerns. And today we're going to pick up right there, but we're going to talk about subtle shifts in communication, as well as give you practical tips for communication in general.
We just want to remind you that there are so many different nuances in communication. And when we see couples, a lot of times this is one of their main issues that they come in with. I'll ask them what they need help on, and a lot of times communication is their answer. And so when we look specifically at word choice, it's important because the words and the content matter, but really it also affects the emotional tone of the conversation. And it can positively affect it or it can negatively.
So one clear example of this, and we used this in the last episode, but it's coming in and just saying what's wrong versus, hey, how are you doing? One is very assumptive and accusatory, and the other really comes from a place of concern and care. Or even just curiosity. And that leads to open dialogue and communication. So as we look today at those subtle shifts, one of the things that we want to look at is a request versus a demand. So an example of this would be, hey, would you mind helping me with the groceries versus help me bring the groceries in?
And I know in the last episode, you talked about the pleasantries and the importance of that. And so I think that fits perfectly right here with requesting versus demanding. Oh, for sure. Because ultimately, the same thing happens in the end. There's going to be help with groceries, but there might be more begrudging help with the groceries, or there might be more irritable help with the groceries versus much calmer and more pleasant engagement with helping with the groceries. And again, one thing people can think is like, well, they should just grow up and get over themselves. They just need to come help the groceries. And maybe there's an element of truth to that. But again, you can smooth over a lot of potential difficulties by just being a little more careful and adding in a little more pleasantries into the discussion. And some of this is as simple as saying please or thank you.
I think sometimes we get so comfortable with our spouse and I hear people saying, well, I shouldn't have to say all the extra stuff. They know what I mean. But in communication, it really is important to be intentional with your words. And some of that includes the pleasantries and saying please and saying things like, will you please help me with the groceries because just adding in that please or that thank you makes a world of difference.
So another example of a subtle shift is expressing needs versus blaming. So blaming would look like you always ignore me when I'm talking to you versus being able to express your need. You could say, I feel important when you listen to me. There's something important I have to share with you. Could we find a time to talk without distraction? And I think one thing that's important about this is that one is coming from a place of vulnerability and the other one is being more aggressive and actually trying to hide or mask that vulnerability. And so when you're going from blaming, you're not really articulating what is the real problem. And so you're making it a you statement. You, right? It's your problem versus really it's an I statement. It's like I'm struggling with this. I'm having an issue with this. And that's scary and uncomfortable for people to come at it more in this healthy way. So to follow the example, I feel important when you listen to me, right? That's letting them know like, hey, this is a place where I can feel valued. But that oftentimes can make people feel uncomfortable because then they get fearful of being rejected. But actually, when they come across in that more blaming way where they're kind of trying to hide or mask their vulnerability, they're actually much more likely to get rejected. But then it also causes them to then believe like, oh, see, like, I couldn't be vulnerable and say what my real issue is. And so then they continue down that more blaming or aggressive type statement.
And with all of these, you're going to see that it causes a reaction that you don't really want. So with this one and with many of the others, it causes people to immediately be defensive. Because if you're going to blame them, they need to have their defenses up and they need to protect themselves. And so it makes sense why they're defensive. But if you're coming at it with a point, like you said, of vulnerability, then there's no need to protect themselves. selves. And just like we were talking in the last episode, the reason why I think a lot of times this is difficult for people is because the blaming type response oftentimes is more natural. And you jump to that right away versus when you're stopping to express your needs, it takes a little more forethought and you have to be a little more cautious and careful with how you phrase and think about things and communicate things.
The next one we're going to talk about is discussing sensitive topics. So an insensitive way you can bring it up is you always spend too much every month versus a sensitive way of bringing it up is let's review our monthly budget together. I think we could find some ways to save more effectively. Now, one of the things that I think people really struggle with is they want to emote, they want to express what they're feeling, and they end up making that their ultimate goal. I want to say what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling as opposed to getting to the solution, right? When you say you always spend too much every month, obviously you want your partner to spend less. But what you're spending most of your time doing is expressing those negative frustrations or feelings about what they're doing and much less time getting to what the actual solution is. And that's why if you say to them, let's review our monthly budget together, that's helping you to get to the end goal of spending less money. And so you're not activating them emotionally. And then you're spending much more time and effort pushing towards that solution, which will then address your negative feelings of them spending too much.
And with sensitive topics, you want to make sure that you are thinking ahead and being very intentional because the nature of sensitive topics is it's easy to go south and it's easy to take wrong turns and it's already a rocky topic to talk about. So you just don't want to go in there all willy nilly and not be intentional about your words. And so it's important that you think ahead and really are careful with how you phrase things. And maybe it's not finances for you. Maybe it's a different topic that is sensitive. But think about what are common arguments that you have or discussions that often go the wrong way. And those are the ones that are red flags or sensitive to you. And you need to be careful with those.
Another example of a subtle shift is addressing habits. So instead of saying you leave your stuff everywhere, which is pretty accusatory and immediately will cause people to be defensive, you want to instead of say something constructive like it's really important for me when things are tidy, could we work on solutions or figure out a way to keep things organized together or to do a family reset together? And again, noticing that what we're looking at here is the solution. We're focusing on the solution, not about you're leaving your stuff everywhere, but what's the solution? Coming up with some new system that we can employ where the house would be more clean and then that person's needs would be getting met, as opposed to just criticizing the other person for not doing it. Because when you levy criticism against your partner or anybody in particular, not just your partner, but when you levy criticism against people, it's a demotivational thing. It doesn't encourage them. It doesn't make them want to do it. It makes them feel bad, which then suppresses their desire to get up and go do that thing, as opposed to like, hey, I would really like to sit down and come up with a system where we can work at making it easier to keep the house clean and make it not a burden where we're doing it all in one day or something like that. When you phrase or say it in that manner, it makes it more enticing to engage into that discussion versus you're just leaving your stuff everywhere.
Right. And I think it also makes it more of a team thing. We're not blaming it all on that person. And maybe that person is significantly less tidy and they're contributing to the majority of things being left out. But like you're saying, it is more enticing when we're doing it together as a team rather than you criticizing them and blaming them for everything. Yeah. So the next one we're going to be talking about is feedback versus criticism. Now, this is very important because you may be trying to convey the same message, but you're going to get a very different response from your partner if you're giving feedback versus criticism. And so an example of feedback would be, I feel worried when you come home late without calling versus the example of criticism is you're so irresponsible for not calling me.
And when you look at these two, they're both kind of conveying the same message that they They don't like not getting a call when somebody is running late, but one is going to cause somebody to be much more likely to be defensive and want to start arguing or more likely to start a conflict between the two of you. If you're critical and you say you're so irresponsible when you don't call me when you're running late, you're inviting conflict. You're inviting an argument between you and your partner. But if you say, I feel worried when you come home late without calling, you're letting them know that this negatively affects me. It's an I statement. It's an issue that I have, and you can help me out with this by calling. And so you're letting them know in the same breath what your problem is, but then also giving them a solution. But then you're not also levying an attack against them. And so to break it down even further, this is the impact of feedback versus criticism. When you're giving feedback, it helps address a behavior and its effects. Versus criticism is an attack on the person's character, and then its aim is generally to try to wound the other person.
And I think a good prep phrase that can really help prep both you and the person you're talking to is to ask them if you can provide them feedback. And sometimes people are like, why would I ask for permission to tell my spouse something? But I do think it puts you in a different mindset. If I were to say, hey, Tim, can I share with you why I was frustrated last night when you came home? If we are in the routine of having healthy communication, he will usually say yes. And once in a while, there'll be times where it's just not the right timing and he'll say, hey, can we talk about this later? But for the most part, when he does say yes, that gives him just a little bit of time to prepare that something is coming. We're going to talk about something tough. Rather than me just bombarding him with maybe some feedback, but to him, it feels like criticism because it just came out of nowhere. But when you ask that question about, can I share this with you? It also requires for you to pause to even be able to ask that question. And so it kind of slows you down before jumping right into criticism and reacting to their behavior or cutting down their character. It causes you to slow down enough to really think, hey, can I share some feedback with you? Or can I share with you why I was upset last night? So it just kind of slows the conversation down altogether and gets people in a mindset where you're willing to have a conversation and you're willing to discuss things.
And the last example that we'll talk about today is asking for what you need. And there really are direct and indirect ways to do this. A lot of times the indirect ways seem a little more passive aggressive or sometimes just straight aggressive. Because you're assuming that you know the motivation behind it and a lot of times you're not asking directly what you need. So for example, an indirect way would be I had a really bad day and you don't even care. So I'm assuming that because he has his phone or maybe he's truly just listening to me, but it looks kind of like a distant stare. I'm assuming that he doesn't care. And I really don't even ask him for what I need. I'm just saying, hey, I had a bad day. Whereas a direct ask would be, I had a tough day today and I could really use your support right now. Can we talk? And I think a major difference between those two is that, so one, you're still wearing your armor and you got your sword out and you're trying to lop off your partner's head. And then the other one, you're coming to them, letting them know that you're struggling and you're asking them for support and for help through that. And I think a lot of times people get very scared about asking in that more indirect way. They feel like it's not going to be received well. And so then they have a tendency to come at it more aggressively. But then you're much more likely to not get received well. And when you're upset or when you're hurting, you are more likely to be just very reactive. But again, that reactive behavior is going to get you bad responses in return.
Oh, for sure. I tell our kids often to think about what was their end goal of what they're asking, because sometimes they'll get their end goal. So say they wanted a ball out of a tree or something, but it wasn't handled the way they wanted. And I'll just remind them, what was your end goal? Was it to get the ball? And then we'll process through how it was handled. But when you think about it in terms of this, if my end goal really is his support and his encouragement in this difficult time after a rough day, I'm not going to achieve that by, like Tim's saying, taking my sword out and demanding that he listen to me or even accusing him of not listening and not caring and not loving me. And so thinking about what do you want out of this and what do you need is important. Because I think a lot of times in couple sessions. One partner will be upset that the spouse doesn't meet their needs, and then we'll turn to that person and say, well, what do you need? And they'll say, I don't know. He should just know. And when you think about that, that's really unfair because if you can't verbalize it, then think about how difficult that probably is for them to figure out exactly what you want or need. And I think in general, we kind of know what the other person is saying, but if you're requiring that of others, then it's important that you know it yourself. Otherwise, it's not fair to get so aggressively angry at the other person for not meeting your needs that first off, you haven't stated to them. And secondly, you don't even know what it is. And I will say there are times where I'm not exactly sure what I need. And sometimes just through processing out loud with Tim and talking through it, I'm able to come to that conclusion. But what I'm talking about here is when you are demanding and requiring that of your spouse and coming from that place rather than thinking, you know, I'm having a really rough day. I don't really know what I need, but can we kind of talk about it? Or can you just be here to support me and help me figure that out together?
So now what we're going to do is discuss some tips that we can use in order for us to have better communication with our spouse. And one of the things is we want to be mindful in our speech. Beach. We want to be aware of how our words and the words that we choose, how they're likely to be received and the impact that they're going to have on our partner. If you want to have a good response, you definitely want to start off by putting in the correct ingredients. If you put in the wrong ingredients or you forget some ingredients, you're going to have a bad response. You're going to get a bad recipe out of it. So make sure that you are being mindful with the words that you're choosing, the way you're phrasing things, and the tone of your voice and how you're saying those things.
The next thing is positive framing. Now, one of the things that's important for people to do when they're trying to have a difficult discussion about something is you want to start off by talking about what is your end goal with this discussion. My end goal is I want to make sure that I am heard and I want to be nice and kind and gentle to you. My goal is not to tear you down or hurt your feelings in any way shape or form I just want to tell you how this situation made me feel and again it can be frustrating when you think why should I have to jump through all these hoops and say all this to try to put my partner at ease and blah blah blah blah that's so annoying but the truth is that when you're going through this conversation your partner is going to start making a lot of assumptions especially if you poke or prod at their emotional sensitive spots they're going to start making more and more assumptions about what your motivation is and what your reasoning is. And if you give them a positive framing at the beginning where you give them some level of assurance of what your goal is and how you want to be received. Then they're more likely to take it that way. Now, you might think, well, I could also just do that after the fact. But the truth is, if you do it after the fact, they're going to have already formed these thoughts in their mind. And it's way harder to overcome a thought somebody has already formed than it is to try to frame it that way from the the beginning. And so it's not something you can really do retroactively. I mean, again, you can talk about it afterwards, but it's not going
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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Welcome to the 200th episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast! Join licensed marriage and family therapists, Tim and Ruth Olson, as they celebrate this exciting milestone and dive into one of the most requested topics: communication. With over 120,000 downloads, they express their gratitude to their listeners and offer tips on how to support the podcast further.
In this episode, Tim and Ruth focus on the nuances of word choice in communication, discussing how small tweaks can significantly impact relationships. They provide examples of constructive versus destructive word choices in various contexts, such as inquiring about feelings, discussing responsibilities, and addressing concerns. Learn how to foster better understanding and emotional connection through mindful communication strategies.
Stay tuned for the next episode where they will continue the discussion on communication, covering topics like requesting versus demanding, giving feedback versus criticizing, and practical tips for effective communication. Don't miss out on transforming your conversations and building healthier relationships!
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships.
In this episode, we continue our discussion from the last episode on why seeking absolute victory in arguments is detrimental to your marriage. We delve into the pitfalls and impacts of this approach on relationship dynamics. More importantly, we explore healthy alternatives to needing to win all the arguments.
First, we emphasize the importance of practicing active listening. Instead of engaging in combative listening, we discuss how to fully understand your partner's perspective through supportive listening techniques. We then move on to empathy and validation, explaining how these elements are crucial in fostering mutual understanding and reducing defensiveness.
Next, we highlight the need to look beyond surface arguments to identify underlying needs and fears driving the conflict. By understanding the heart behind the words, couples can navigate disagreements more effectively. Finally, we discuss the importance of seeking compromise and collaborative problem-solving, offering practical strategies for negotiating solutions that benefit both partners.
Join us as we provide insights and tools to help you transform conflict into a pathway for deeper connection and stronger relationships. Remember, in marriage, you're a team, and winning together is the ultimate goal.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. If you enjoyed today's episode, please share it with a friend and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. For more discussions and questions, visit our Facebook group via the link in the description. Remember, there's always hope and help available.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
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We want to work with YOU!
15 Minute Free Consultation
Start healing now! Set up a Coaching Session
Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Therapy, the podcast that empowers you to transform life's challenges into opportunities for personal growth and healthier relationships. We're your hosts, Tim and Ruth Olson, licensed marriage and family therapists and trauma experts. Together, we'll unravel the layers of personal growth, healing from trauma, and building healthy relationships.
In this episode, we discuss a common issue couples face: the pursuit of absolute victory in conflicts. We'll explore the pitfalls of trying to win every argument, the underlying drives such as control and insecurity, and the impact on your relationship. Learn how seeking to dominate in disagreements can lead to emotional distancing, loss of intimacy, and long-term relational breakdowns.
Join us as we delve into the differences in decision-making and communication styles, and how they can cause friction. We'll also touch on the consequences of creating a culture of shame and the importance of resolving conflicts to avoid cumulative emotional damage.
Tune in to understand why absolute victory in arguments isn't beneficial and stay tuned for our next episode where we'll offer healthy alternatives and practical tools to foster better communication and understanding in your marriage.
Remember, your mind is a powerful thing. Thank you for joining us on Mr. and Mrs. Therapy. There's always hope, and there's always help.
[Remember, our podcast is here to spark conversations and offer insights. Join our community on our Mr. and Mrs. Therapy Podcast Group, share your experiences at [email protected], and if you're seeking more personalized advice, consider booking your free coaching consultation. Please note, this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment.]
{Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to provide diagnosis or treatment. For personalized support, please seek professional help or call the National Suicide Hotline at 988 if you or someone you know is contemplating suicide or needs emotional support.}
- Se mer
