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Mr. Darcy has been on my mind this week. Not because he’s the fantasy of so many women, but because I finally read Pride and Prejudice, and discovered something shocking (to me) about him.
I’d always thought of Mr. Darcy as this tall, brooding, misunderstood character. The fabulously wealthy, handsome man who everyone thinks is a jerk, but secretly has a heart of gold and wants to take care of you. This is why women have been obsessed with him for hundreds of years. The strong, silent, mysterious hero.
But that’s not who he starts out as in the book.
Reading Pride and Prejudice reveals so much more about him, and about what it takes to change and grow.
In this episode, I’ll share what Mr. Darcy’s transformation can teach us about:
how honest conversations can lead to personal transformation – for you and the person you’re speaking with.why hard conversations are worth having, even when they feel risky or uncomfortable.what Stoic principles and practical communication tools can help us handle conflict gracefully.By the way – hello! I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, an American writer, communication coach, and practicing Stoic based in England.
sarahmikutel.com
Nonviolent communication tips
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Last week, I gave one of the lightning talks at Stoicon 2024. The topic: How to Combat Speaking Anxiety with Stoicism.
Want to see the video? Head to my Substack 👉 Citizens of the World
Thanks for listening ❤️
sarahmikutel.com
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Why do we get angry? How can we challenge our immediate reactions? And what's the best way to articulate our feelings without passive aggression or a blow-up?
In this episode, you'll learn four Stoic tips to turn potential conflicts into opportunities for personal growth and stronger relationships.
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I’m reading David Fideler’s excellent book Breakfast with Seneca, where he quotes Seneca in one of his letters:
“If you want to escape your troubles, you don't need to be somewhere else: you need to be someone else.”
Those searching for meaning or purpose in life might think a new place will provide answers. But a new location, a new job, a new partner doesn’t guarantee a better life or a fresh start.
Finding purpose involves understanding your values, interests, and goals. It’s internal work that can be done anywhere.
sarahmikutel.com
Looking to live a more Stoic life? Let's chat. -
Our intentions don’t always line up with our outcomes, and misunderstandings lead to anger, sadness, frustration, and conflict. In this episode, I’ll talk about intent vs impact, which is more important, and how to effectively and ethically communicate your intentions. Of course, I’ll be weaving in the timeless wisdom of the Stoics.
Hi, I’m Sarah Mikutel, your communication and mindset coach, an Enneagram 9 expat in England, and practicing Stoic. Introverts come to me to learn to speak confidently in front of a room, online, and in social situations without becoming a sweaty, blushing mess with a stress headache.
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Introvert Emergency Kit
Click here if you're ready to become a less anxious, more charismatic public speaker.
When it comes to public speaking, what exactly are you afraid of?Most people I talk to don’t explore their fears at all – and this makes them worse.
The thought of public speaking brings up such uncomfortable feelings that they try to ignore them or stuff them down – which is why they continue to suffer from speaking anxiety, one of the most common fears in the world.
How is an amorphous ‘fear of fear’ holding you back and keeping you quiet?
I’m Sarah Mikutel, your communication and mindset coach. By the end of this episode, you will know:
what you’re really afraid of when you say you don’t like public speaking – no more amorphous clouds of discomfort,how anxiety manifests in our mind and body and why not managing it is so harmful,the beliefs underlying the four different flavors of public speaking anxiety, and Stoic practices you can do to let go of anxiety so you can more eloquently express your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.So no more holding in what you want to say and then internally screaming when someone else voices what you’d been thinking. It’s time to start feeling more calm and confident when you speak.
Let’s dive in.
sarahmikutel.com
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As human beings, we’re naturally inclined to take care of ourselves and our immediate family. This is the center of our circles of concern.
As Stoics, of course, we believe we can extend our sense of care and belonging (oikeiosis) to also include our community, country, and the rest of the world.
I believe travel is one of the best ways to practice oikeiosis.
This is why I’m sharing part of an interview I did on my podcast Live Without Borders. I’m speaking with my friend Zlatina, a Bulgarian native on the expansive power of travel.
Head over to the Live Without Borders podcast to listen to the whole episode – including Zlatina’s best travel advice on her home country.
Zlatina and I love Bulgaria so much that we’re hosting a very special travel experience for you May 15-21, 2024.
Join the waitlist ASAP.
We’re keeping this trip very small – max 10 travelers. When you're on the waitlist, you get first priority to come and access to our early-bird rate.We’ll announce the full itinerary to the waitlist in the next two weeks, so register your interest in the Bulgaria trip now so you don’t miss out.
Meanwhile, you can listen to my Live Without Borders interview with Zlatina to learn more about the breathtaking sites you’ll see in Plovdiv and beyond.
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We often hear how negative self-comparisons can be, especially when it comes to social media. But what if we could use comparison as a force for good? A tool to help us grow and flourish at work and in our personal lives? Great news, we can!
Today you’ll learn how to stop negatively comparing yourself to others and start measuring your progress in healthier and more productive ways. Plus, you’ll learn the scientific theory about why you’re actually more likable the less perfect you are.
Hi, I'm your host, Sarah Mikutel. Ready to take this work deeper and radically transform your life? Let's talk. Book your call here.sarahmikutel.com
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Have you ever wondered why the richest countries on Earth consistently rank so high in anxiety and depression?
Research says this is because we’re so overstimulated by instant gratification that our brains never feel satisfied and become increasingly unhappy in the quest for more. We’re literally addicted to pursuing pleasures that will never satisfy us.
The cure to this man-made misery? Self-control.
The Stoics knew 2,300 years ago that the key to a tranquil and virtuous life lay in their ability to discipline their desires – and modern science backs this up.
In this episode, I’ll coach you on how to master your mind so you can start experiencing more vitality and true joy on a permanent basis. Self-mastery is self-love. -
Ever been cut off mid-sentence and feel a whirlwind of emotions – frustration, anger, embarrassment? Why do we take interruptions so personally, and how can we use Stoicism to handle them with grace?
I'm your host, Sarah Mikutel, and in this episode, I dive into effective communication and mindset strategies that will help you be seen and heard. By the end, you'll be equipped to handle interruptions confidently, communicate effectively, and enjoy life with more wisdom and less anxiety.
https://sarahmikutel.com/
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What do courage and resilience truly mean?
This Memorial Day, I reflect on the incredible bravery of the 'Greatest Generation' during World War II, drawing inspiration from my visits to historic locations such as Auschwitz and Churchill's War Rooms in London.
From blackouts to rationing, the everyday experiences of European civilians during WWII serve as a testament to human resilience.
In the film Saving Private Ryan, a dying Captain Miller says to Matt Damon's character: "Earn this." He was also speaking to us.
We have a responsibility to earn the lives that other people died for. In this episode, I talk about how we can do this by showing up as Stoic leaders and embodying courage, wisdom, moderation, and justice in our own lives.
By giving ourselves space to think and show up as our best selves, we can strive to live a life of meaning that honors the sacrifices of the Greatest Generation.
https://sarahmikutel.com/ -
Have you ever noticed how our thoughts and reactions can create unnecessary stress, or cultivate empathy and understanding for others?
On a recent flight to Florida, I was reminded of the power of perception and emotional resiliency.
I share the story of passengers clapping after a smooth landing, the reactions of those around me as a father rushed to exit the plane, and how the simple words of a child turned turbulence into an exciting adventure.
Inspired by the wisdom of Epictetus, we'll discuss how to be more emotionally resilient by challenging our first impressions and choosing more rational thoughts.
sarahmikutel.com -
Do you have a philosophy that you live your life by?
My guest today thinks you should — and so do all the Stoics who came before her.
I’m speaking with Brittany Polat, author of Tranquility Parenting: A Guide to Staying Calm, Mindful, and Engaged and Journal Like a Stoic: A 90-Day Stoicism Program to Live with Greater Acceptance, Less Judgment, and Deeper Intentionality.
She’s also a steering committee member of Modern Stoicism, and co-founder, along with Eve Riches, of the nonprofit Stoicare, which “aims to share Stoicism with everyone who cares about people and the planet.”We discuss the importance of having a life philosophy for yourself before you can hope to influence other people — especially kids. We also talk about how to cultivate more positive emotions in your life; how to be more mindful; how to fit reflection into your day, and more.
As you’re listening to this conversation, think of one thing you want to start implementing to live a more harmonious life.
https://sarahmikutel.com/ -
What would life be like if we felt more happy connections with people on a regular basis? How can we embrace the wider world and bring people closer to us, even if for a few moments at the seaside?
OikeiosisStoics believe we are all citizens of the world, part of one global community. This is Stoic cosmopolitanism.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca said:
“Our relations with one another are like a stone arch, which would collapse if the stones did not mutually support each other, and which is upheld in this very way.” Seneca, Letter 95, Tao of Seneca
Just like each stone in an arch depends on the strength of the others to maintain its stability, we human beings are part of a harmonious system meant to support one another.
Stoics believe meaningful connection is important to our wellbeing, and for society as a whole.
We’re here on this Earth to take care of one another, and this starts with taking care of ourselves. I’ve talked previously about the Stoic concept of the circles of concern, which describes our relationships to everyone, including ourselves.
https://sarahmikutel.com/ -
Harvard researchers have been studying what makes people happy for decades.
Since 1938, they’ve been following the same people, and then their families, to learn more about what makes a good life. This is the longest-running study of its kind involving hundreds of people across different walks of life. JFK was even involved when he was a student.
So what did they discover in this happiness survey?
Money, fame, and awards don’t lead to long-term happiness. Here’s what does — good relationships.
Think about a trip you took a few years ago. A vacation or time abroad or in a new city that you really loved. What do you remember?
When you first got home and a friend asked, “Oh, how was your time away?” chances are you recited the things you did. But years later, when you think of that trip, you remember your interactions with people, those you were traveling with and also complete strangers.
The key to the good life is developing good relationships and being open to encounters with everyone.
And there’s both science and magic behind why.
https://sarahmikutel.com/ -
I’m hosting a 2023 Goal-Mapping Workshop on Jan. 14. It’s free and a replay will be available for a few days after if you register in advance.
This isn’t a lecture – it’s a very interactive session. You’ll:
Create a vision for your year that aligns with your values and prioritiesBreak down your big goals into manageable tasks that don't overwhelm youDevelop a plan of action to stay on track and avoid procrastinationPrioritize your tasks and projects in a way that helps you stay focused and motivatedOvercome obstacles and setbacks in a way that allows you to stay true to your values and goalsYou'll leave this workshop with a clear and actionable plan for the year ahead. And you'll have the tools and strategies you need to stay focused and motivated, no matter what life throws your way.
What: 2023 Goal-Mapping Workshop
When: 10 a.m. EST, Jan. 14
How long: 60-90 minutes
Where: Online – you’ll receive a link closer to the date
How: Book your space here
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Around January 1, we set goals that we intend to keep. But most of us break these vows before the month is over – why? What’s the real reason people won’t change? And how can we use Stoicism and modern psychology to start?
To truly be free and move forward, we need to cultivate helpful thoughts and let go of unhelpful ones. This is how we become resilient and learn to flow with life instead of fighting it.
But what if you’re not even aware of your unhelpful thoughts?
I’ve talked about different ways to uncover your blind spots on this podcast, and today you’ll learn about a new one from Harvard’s Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, authors of the book Immunity to Change.
sarahmikutel.com
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What does Auld Lang Syne mean and why is its message so important?
Find out in this episode.
Also, Happy New Year! What are your intentions for this year?
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It’s that time of year when we encourage each other to slow down, appreciate what we have, and be present with others. But how do we stay in the moment when our minds keep drifting to what’s happening next week, or what occurred 10 years ago? That’s what this episode is about.
Sarahmikutel.com
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Chocolate. Lots of us love it. Where does it come from? Who makes it? And how can we be ethical consumers of chocolate?
I want the answer to be easy — like, just by such-and-such chocolate bar. But the answer is more complicated than that.
Today I’m speaking with cocoa and chocolate scholar (and lover of chocolate) Dr. Kristy Leissle, an American who now lives in South Africa.
Kristy, aka Dr. Chocolate, wrote the book Cocoa and has spent her career studying the politics, economics, and cultures of the cocoa-chocolate trade in Africa, Europe, and North America.
She also co-founded the Cocoapreneurship Institute of Ghana, which supports entrepreneurs working at any stage of the cocoa value chain in West Africa.
I absolutely love the stories Kristy shares in this episode about how travel and learning from and befriending people from other nations and cultures led her to becoming Dr. Chocolate.
So, can we be virtuous consumers of chocolate? What does that even mean? Kristy and I get into it.
P.S. If you’re in an English-speaking country, it’s pronounced co-co, not ca-cow. So the next time you’re in a snobby artisanal shop and they start talking about ca-cow, you can correct them and say, “Actually, Dr. Chocolate says it’s cocoa and she has a PhD in the matter.”
- Se mer
