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In the realm of co-parenting, there’s a painful, often hidden narrative that many fathers know all too well. It’s the story of men fighting to remain present in their children's lives while facing barriers that make this nearly impossible. One of the most frustrating tactics used to mask these barriers is the lie: "He can see the kids whenever he wants." But the truth is, for many fathers, this statement is as false as it is hurtful.
In this latest episode of ReMinding Yourself, I dive deep into the reality behind statements like "He doesn’t want to see the kids" or "He doesn’t call." These phrases, repeated to friends, family, and sometimes even courts, create a distorted narrative that fathers are disinterested, distant, or uninvolved. But as many fathers know, the actual barriers to involvement are far more complex.
The Real Struggle Fathers Face
The misconception that fathers can "just see the kids whenever" ignores a harsh reality. Access to one’s children isn’t as simple as showing up at the door. Co-parenting requires coordination, open communication, and often a measure of flexibility. For some fathers, trying to arrange a visit with their children involves navigating an exhausting web of roadblocks—from unreturned calls to dismissive texts to confrontational interactions.
Many fathers find themselves in a difficult position. Attempting to see their children without prior coordination can quickly lead to misunderstandings or worse, police intervention. Society often expects men to "handle it" and push through obstacles. Yet, showing up to the mother’s home without coordination often puts fathers in a vulnerable position, one that can lead to accusations and unfair judgments.
The Financial Focus of the Court System
To add to these challenges, the legal system often reduces a father’s role to one question: "How much can you pay?" Courts focus on financial contributions rather than supporting a father’s desire for emotional involvement and time spent with his children. As long as the financial aspect is fulfilled, the courts typically show little interest in whether a father is granted meaningful access.
Even when fathers take the path of legal recourse, they’re frequently met with obstacles that seem designed to restrict rather than support their parental rights. In many cases, unless the mother’s behavior crosses extreme thresholds, the court system’s sympathy lies elsewhere. This financial emphasis on fatherhood not only perpetuates outdated stereotypes but undermines the importance of a father’s presence and emotional bond with his children.
Double Standards in Parenting
Another part of the story involves double standards in parenting. While mothers are often given the benefit of the doubt—even when struggling—fathers are expected to be flawless in every way. For instance, a mother may rely on technology like YouTube to keep children occupied or serve quick meals like hot dogs or ramen without her parenting skills being questioned. However, fathers are held to a higher standard in courtrooms and society alike.
This disparity highlights the unfair treatment that fathers experience. A parent who may be struggling should, ideally, receive help and support, not judgment. Yet, when it comes to fathers, the system often makes no allowance for mistakes, struggles, or external barriers. Fathers are expected to fulfill financial obligations above all else, leaving little room for empathy or support in other areas.
The Real Solution – Open Communication for Children’s Wellbeing
The answer isn’t in the constant back-and-forth or in wielding access as a tool for power or revenge. It’s in open communication. Children benefit from both parents actively involved in their lives, not from one parent acting as a gatekeeper. Unfortunately, the current system, both socially and legally, often fails to recognize the importance of this balanced approach.
It’s simple: children need their fathers, just as they need their mothers. This isn’t a one-sided equation. Parenting, by its very nature, requires collaboration. Keeping a father from his children without due cause creates a lasting impact on both the father and the child. In this episode, I explore why it’s essential to keep pushing for fathers’ rights, why fathers should feel empowered to remain present, and how society’s perspective on fatherhood needs to shift to reflect a fairer, more inclusive understanding.
A Call to Action
If you’re a father dealing with these challenges, know that you’re not alone. It’s crucial to keep pushing, to seek healthy ways of maintaining your presence, and to find support networks that understand the emotional toll of separation. To those who know fathers facing these struggles—take the time to understand the situation fully before making assumptions. Support and empathy go a long way.
Subscribe to ReMinding Yourself for more real conversations on fatherhood, resilience, and the journey of staying connected to your children. Together, let’s bring attention to these issues, challenge outdated perspectives, and remind ourselves of the true importance of being present, against all odds.
And if you know someone that could benefit from this content, or that could contribute their own story of their struggle, please share this podcast with them.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit remindingyourself.substack.com -
In a world where men are often expected to keep it all together emotionally, mentally, and physically, there’s a side of the story that remains largely unspoken. Fatherhood, self-worth, resilience, and navigating relationships are battles fought silently by millions of men. That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce ReMinding Yourself, a podcast that cuts through the noise to bring these real-life stories to light.
ReMinding Yourself is more than just a podcast. It’s a journey, a support system, and a reminder that you’re not alone in the challenges you face. Each episode dives deep into the lives of men grappling with complex issues like fatherhood in the face of separation, rediscovering self-worth, and breaking through emotional barriers. We’re telling stories that have rarely been told, from fathers who’ve been separated from their children to men striving to find purpose amidst life’s chaos. Through these conversations, we’re creating a space for empathy, resilience, and understanding.
Why ReMinding Yourself Matters
There’s a common misconception that men don’t need the same emotional support or validation that others do. In reality, men are just as vulnerable to struggles with mental health, self-worth, and relationship challenges. The difference is that these issues often go unaddressed, and that’s where ReMinding Yourself steps in.
This podcast sheds light on:
* Fatherhood and Separation: The stories of men who want nothing more than to be present for their kids but face obstacles in doing so.
* Self-Worth and Identity: How societal pressures and life’s difficulties can shape or even fracture a man’s sense of worth, and how to reclaim it.
* Navigating Resilience: Insights into building inner strength, learning to process pain, and overcoming the odds.
Each episode isn’t just an interview; it’s a conversation designed to help you reflect on your own experiences, challenge your assumptions, and ultimately grow. You’ll hear from fathers who have struggled to stay connected to their children, men who have battled self-doubt, and even my own journey through similar challenges. Every story told on ReMinding Yourself is a reminder that resilience is within reach, no matter the circumstances.
A Space for Reflection, Growth, and Empowerment
ReMinding Yourself is grounded in the belief that sometimes, we just need a little reminder of who we truly are. That’s why each episode ends with a powerful affirmation, "Make sure to keep Re-Minding Yourself that you are worth it," or "You’re perfect." These reminders aren’t just words; they’re fuel for the journey ahead. They’re encouragements to reframe the challenges in your life, to take stock of your strengths, and to rebuild yourself from the inside out.
Why Subscribe?
By subscribing to ReMinding Yourself, you’ll gain:
* Access to Real Stories: Episodes featuring raw, authentic conversations with men from all walks of life.
* Supportive Community: A place where you can find solidarity, connect with others, and know you’re not alone.
* Exclusive Content: Early access to new episodes, bonus content, and in-depth discussions on the themes we explore.
* Weekly Reminders: Our podcast is here to remind you of your value, your resilience, and your strength.
If you’re a father fighting to stay connected to your kids, a man in search of his true worth, or someone just looking for a space to feel understood, this podcast is for you. ReMinding Yourself is a reminder that even in life’s darkest moments, there’s strength within you waiting to be rediscovered.
Click the subscribe button below to stay up to date on new episodes, and join us on this journey of self-discovery, resilience, and purpose. Because sometimes, all we need is a little reminder.
Join the ReMinding Yourself community today and start each week with a renewed sense of purpose, courage, and clarity.
Subscribe now to never miss an episode. Your journey to self-worth and strength starts here.
And if you know someone who could benefit from this podcast’s content, please share this.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit remindingyourself.substack.com -
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