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If you can't figure out why women seem to get turned off by you even though you're a super nice guy -- this episode is for you! We cover how to know if youâre inadvertently creeping out women or turning them off no matter how great a guy you are (and 99% of the people with this issue are cis-gendered hetero men). We'll talk about why that can happen, why it's not your fault (but is something only you can fix), how to stop it, and whatâs up if youâre on other end (meaning that you get creeped out or turned off even by wonderful, kind men).
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Today weâre talking about butt stuff â all things anal pleasure. The rear end is the other half of your pelvis and has loads of nerve endings to enjoy, but it can also be a place of shame, pain and trauma when we aren't careful. Iâm going to give you some perspectives on releasing shame and expectations. I'll also cover in detail the Cardinal Rules of Butt Fun so you can stay on the pleasure side of the equation rather than the pain and trauma side. As usual, Iâm going to end on an invitation to explore on your own, and this exercise is really important for those of you starting out with butt play, or if youâve had bad experiences in the past. We'll also cover good butt-safe toys, hygiene, communication, pacing, lube, and all the details to help you be successful â which means every one has fun and no one gets hurt.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
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What is your relationship to physical pleasure? Today is all about investigating this question so you can experience more of it. We'll talk about how you can boost pleasure, dive in to how desire and arousal get confused with pleasure, and how to focus on what really brings deep satisfaction.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you!
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This episode will help you understand the most common underlying causes of erectile challenges and how to solve them. While drugs can mask symptoms, they donât actually address the underlying causes of ED. I explain the big missing piece of the ED conversation, which is how relationships, socialized pressure, psychology and emotional situations affect erections. If you have a penis, play with people who do, or just want to be more aware of how to support people who do â this one is for you.
Note: it is important to know that it's normal for erections to come and go. Do please get checked out by a doctor, especially if you have trouble getting erections all the time, including while masturbating. Consistent ED can be a symptom of underlying health issues.Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This is a special episode, recorded at my home in Asheville, North Carolina, USA in the aftermath of massive devastation from Hurricane Helene. It is for all people dealing with difficult times. In it, I walk you through a calming exercise to help de-escalate anxiety, overwhelm, stress and other challenging, activating emotions. I also talk about how you can help other people through co-regulation.
Note that there is no explicit content here and it is suitable for anyone.
Way to help Western North Carolina flood victims directly:
https://www.BelovedAsheville.com is a well-established local organization that is doing amazing work on the ground and needs support. Venmo link on their website.
https://www.mannafoodbank.org/ is a long-established local food bank providing food despite having lost their entire warehouse in the flood -- the people and volunteers rallied and have risen to the challenge.
https://cerfplus.org/ is offering grants to craftspeople and artists who lost everything in the floods.Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This episode will help you get more creative and relaxed about foreplay. We'll cover why thatâs super important for keeping the fire lit in your sex life, and what some of the blocks are to good foreplay. We're also going to dive into what's up with the foreplay deficit in America, the common problem of boring foreplay, and discuss how to overcome the worries and logistical issues that can keep us from getting more exploratory and creative.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective.
This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you.Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. Iâm going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems can actually be fun!
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just donât. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you clean out your brain and free you up from these unhelpful, cognitive distortions.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style.
So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when weâre in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we donât. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we donât really know how to ask. Or how weâre asking isnât working â the other person isnât receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Sometimes we think everyone is wired the same way and of course they âshouldâ know what we wantâŠbut just like sexual desires, thatâs just not true. So we canât expect everyone to magically know what feels good to us. This is true for sexual and emotional desires. Weâre way way more likely to get what we want for both kinds of desires if we are asking clearly and not making anyone wrong â us or them.
Notice what it is you actually want to FEEL â not just the action you want your partner to take, but how you want to feel. Pick one overwhelmingly desired feeling. See if you can challenge yourself to make no one wrong â your partner isnât wrong for not understanding yet and you arenât wrong for wanting it in the first place. Ask how can we use this to connect and learn more about each other? How can I share about myself vulnerably here? Assume that one thing you think they need to do isnât available or is impossible for whatever reason. Try on sentences or alternative things your partner could say or do to help you get the feeling you want anyway. When I say try it on, I mean really imagine it and see how it feels in your body.
Notice how great Kris is at embracing the "no one has to be to blame" part. Please don't expect to be a pro so quickly -- she has done a lot of personal growth work to build her capacity!
To try this out at home:Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone. Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving. Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so donât skip it, but it doesnât have to be intense. Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them. Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening. Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug. Darken your house when it gets dark outside â switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down â or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters. Consider very low dose melatonin â like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety. Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you. Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day. If you do wake up or canât sleep, donât just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!).
But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely having a very normal response to whatever the underlying situation is for you. We're not going to solve that in one podcast, but I can give you one simple thing to do to start feeling better. (It does NOT involve telling you to have sex when you don't want to!)
This is a simple and fun game to help you find what your body is a yes to, apart from sex. Check it out.Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Today is all about how to build rejection resilience.
How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we donât get what we want from someone. Iâll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. Iâll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection.Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi will explain what this field is about, his particular approach, and we'll talk over how to find this kind of practitioner for yourself and what kind of situations you may particularly want to seek out a sex bod.
Key links:
Rahi's website: https://somaticsexualwholeness.com/
Sexological bodyworker directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/
More about NeuroAffective Touch (mentioned in episode): https://neuroaffectivetouch.com/about/what-is-neuroaffective-touch/Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a coupleâs fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then Iâll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Whether youâre partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people donât spend nearly enough time learning to do well. I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well.
This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to appreciate peopleâs looks without de-humanizing them, the 6 key ways to flirt, and how to use grounded sexual energy to make your flirting actually work well for you and your lucky receiver.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. -
Most of us donât talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So itâs no wonder that we look around us at everyone else and assume they are having great sex and easy relationships. Today we're talking about how that mistake can actually harm us.
We're diving into the incredibly common habit of "Compare and Despair" as it applies to our relationships and sex lives. We'll talk about why you are more normal than you may think, no matter what struggles you're having, and why assuming others are are having better, easier relationships is 1) not true and 2) not helping you. Weâll also talk about how to stop this energy sapping habit, and how that can help you feel better now, while also making it easier to make changes you'd like for your future.
Learn more about me, get a FREE GUIDE to FINDING YOUR DEEPEST TURN-ONS, inquire about coaching, and learn how to get help with relationships and intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab. - Se mer
