Episoder
-
SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, âHe was talking about me.â Youâre not wrong, but youâre also not alone.
I give it out frequently because it helps combat some fundamental problems I see in many marriages: resentment, unmet expectations, and continued disappointment. Whatever caused the resentment doesnât matter. If you want to improve the marriage, you must get rid of that attitude first. Resentment leads to contempt, and once you hit that point, the marriage is on life support, and it becomes challenging to resurrect.
Some come to coaching and realize that they have this issue. They recognize that resentment is an attitude, and attitudes can be changed. They know they can fix it; they just donât know how or need some support, some accountability, or encouragement to keep up the hard work of changing that mindset.
And it is hard work. Reversing that mindset takes time, effort, and consistently following the plan we co-create. There are ups and downs, backslides, and sidetracks. But if they put in the work, then it does happen. Then the fun begins because now we can make some real progress.
Others come to coaching convinced their spouse is the issue and work hard to rationalize and justify their attitude toward them. They want me to change their spouse so that they can be happy. Sometimes, they have one foot out the door already, and this is the last-ditch effort to âsave the marriage,â by which they mean that if I donât fix their spouse, they will divorce them.
Whatever type they are, they get the same homework. Itâs not only the first step to reversing the mindset but also a test to see if theyâre coachable.
Listen to find out what the homework is.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question:
Hi! To start, I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do! Your podcast has been immensely eye-opening and helpful! Now, to my question.
I am in my 30s, and my husband and I have been together for 15 years. There was porn use by my husband that nearly tore us apart, but after therapy, support groups and endless prayer, I am so thankful to say we are stronger than ever, and he has been porn free for over a year now. It has made a profound difference in our sex life, we feel more connected than ever.
That being said, internally, I am still struggling with body image issues. It is not all-consuming but itâs enough to bring me to this point. I have been considering breast augmentation for years now but kept putting it on the back burner due to pregnancy and breastfeeding (we have 3 children). I thought I was completely over the idea and just decided to fully accept my body as is until the porn addiction reared its ugly head. As I said, we are past that, and he has made amazing changes for himself and us, but knowing what he watched and the women he chose to view online has made the idea of breast augmentation appealing again.
I am not happy with what 6 years of breastfeeding has left me with. My husband says he loves my body the way it is, but I know I would love it MORE if I got the breast augmentation, and undoubtedly, I know he would too, even if he wonât admit it so as not to hurt my feelings.
My question is, do you think seeking a breast augmentation for selfish reasons would be sinful? Would God find that to be an abomination of sorts, a sinful act based on my lack of love towards my body? I know I would feel so much more confident. I truly would. And that would enhance our sex life due to my confidence alone. So, would it be a bad thing to do? I have flip-flopped on this for months now. Some days, I am certain itâs a sinful thing to desire and do, and other days, Iâm certain that it does not fall in the category of actual sin. An outside perspective would be so helpful, and Iâd appreciate it immensely.
I know I need to love the body I have, and I do. Itâs the slight pains of the past and the desire to feel confident that entices me. Knowing there are verses in the Bible directly telling the man to love his womanâs beautiful breasts makes my heart drop because mine are anything but beautiful. They are used, tired, and barely there after years of sacrificing my body for our children. So, would making them more appealing really be a bad thing? Or would it be no different than purchasing a new sex toy and having fun in the bedroom as husband and wife? Thank you for your time.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
Mangler du episoder?
-
SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Coupleâs Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.
Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen. When I come across a couple that doesnât fight in any way - thatâs a red flag. It means one or both donât feel safe in the marriage. They arenât able to express their views and opinions.
Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.
Ideally, a fight wonât involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but itâs okay to quarrel.
So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.
For more posts about dealing with conflict effectively check out:
SWM 020 - 7 Dirty Fighting Techniques That Should Not Exist In Your MarriageHow to use conflict to create intimacyActive ListeningFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 130 - Building Resiliency in Marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
On the first Tuesday of every month, Chris from TheLionWithin.us and I co-host "Couple's Night." Couples from our communities get together to talk about marriage. We discuss struggles, share ideas, tips, and a lot of funny stories. It's an absolute blast
This Tuesday, we got together and talked about resiliency in marriage. There were about six couples in the Zoom call, and I thought they all had a lot of wisdom to share, so I tried to quickly take some notes and thought I'd relay them to you.
Because marriages need resiliency, we're going to face struggles. They might be external, like events happening with your job, your family, your friends, and more. They might be internal, such as the type of struggles two individuals face when you put them together for long periods of time for years on end.
Challenges are normal, but we need to learn how to face them and not only survive them but, ideally, thrive and grow through them.
So, here are the six things our small group came up with.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
April 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
Can Christians be swingers?Chastity devicesSex and orgasm headachesWife only wants one oral sex position, which he hatesWorried about staminaTrying to spice things upHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
Becoming more sexually engaged (course)System Jo flavoured lube (shop)Our Sexploration List (resource)Our Sexploration List (sample)Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 128 - Marriages require recalibration. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Thereâs an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. Itâs funny because often, thereâs an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses.
Of course, it doesnât apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriage is that something in the marriage will change. It may be the wife, it may be the husband, itâs likely going to be both in some ways, and itâs also going to be your surroundings and context. Youâll get pets, youâll have kids, youâll move, youâll change jobs, change churches, experience illness or injury, suffer losses or experience big wins - whatever it is, things will change.
Those changes require a recalibration of the marriage, communication, and a discussion about what it means, what needs to change, and what should stay the same.
So, today, weâre going to talk about how to deal with the inevitable changes that come and how and when to talk about them so that you can keep your marriage calibrated rather than running on old habits and patterns that no longer suit your life.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
March 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
Why am I not interested in sexy any more after having a baby?How do I get my wife to rest without guilt?Why does my wife dismiss my advice when she asks for it?How do I get my wife engaged in sexual growth?Are men infatuated with their ejaculate?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
Where did my sex drive go?Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 126 - Unspoken nuances of understanding. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Marriage is a cosmic tapestry, a constellation of souls woven into the fabric of time, where vows echo in the heart's language, shaping a journey of shared whispers and laughter. It's a dance of compromise and compassion, a symphony where individual melodies blend into a shared harmony, with time sculpting the narrative of a joint odyssey. Amidst life's tempests, love's resilience is tested, forging a bond that transcends the ephemeral, painting a portrait of unity where intimacy bridges solitude, and shared dreams color the canvas of existence.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 125 - Rethinking Duty Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
I've had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called "duty sex" or "pity sex." For those who don't know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to "get them off their back."
The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.
But there are some excellent reasons to have what's commonly considered "duty sex" or "pity sex," and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it's because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.
So, in this podcast episode, we're going to talk about reframing duty sex in those situations.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 124 - My daughter's speech - A vaccine against the epidemic of transgenderism. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Today I've got something a bit different than the usual fare. Last year, for our 100th episode, I had my eldest daughter present her 4H speech as I felt it fit the scope of this blog. This year, she wrote a part 2. She won at her local club, and placed second at districts. So, we thought we'd record a version for the podcast again. Rather than give away any of the speech, I'll just let you read it. If you do want to go back you can read the first speech here.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
January and February 2023 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
The monthly masturbation challengeHow do I make anal sex enjoyable for her?Periods and vacations and sexAging and orgasm strugglesHow do I know if Iâm in right?Does fantasizing about my husband make it a shared experience?Condoms for handjobsResources for newlywed virginsHere are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
FullyLiving.com Marital Mastery Virtual WebinarBecoming more sexually engaged Webinar (for wives)Is it okay to engage in pegging in marriage?Do Christians have sex during their period?Can you have sex during your period?Christians, anal sex and anal playThe DivaCup and why I love it (by my wife Christina)Our Sexploration ListThe Limon by MinnaLife (sex toy - bullet, rumbly and quiet - on a rediculous sale and the last of their stock)SWM 082SWM 085Intended for pleasure - Ed and Gaye Wheat (book)Married Sex - Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta (book)Book reviews I've doneFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 122 - How to make your spouse more attractive to you. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
If you look online, you can find tons of videos, articles, podcasts, products and more about how to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or potential partners. I mean, it's everywhere. You can also find resources to help you make your spouse more attractive by changing them. What you don't see much of, though, are resources to help you change your mindset to make them seem more attractive to you without changing them.
We all know the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but rarely, if ever, is it used to recognize that you, as the beholder, can change what you're attracted to.
Upcoming Events:Marriage Mastery Virtual Summit - I'm speaking at 3pm EST on March 9th, 2024 about why you should have a varied sexual repertoireBecoming more sexually engaged webinar - for Christian wives
Resources:37 Questions for spouses to ask each other about sexOur Sexploration List - Sample
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 121 - Why marriage should be hard work. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
I made a post on social media some time ago saying, âMarriage is hard, divorce is hard, choose your hard,â and someone asked me if I then disagreed with some other bloggers and podcasters who say that marriage is and should be easy. This post expands on what I wrote in response to that question.
There is a trend these days to water down Christianity and make it easy. In the times of the early church, being a Christian meant persecution, possibly even death, and they still willingly took on that challenge. These days, people want Christianity to be comfortable and easy. We see many churches that are more social clubs than ministries, many pastors who are eloquent speakers but not doers of the faith, and many teachers who scratch those itching ears by telling you that being a Christian should be easy and comfortable.
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:3-5 (NKJV)
We see some of this in the prosperity gospel, but also elements of it bleeding into mainstream Christianity. Even if they claim to reject the prosperity gospel on the surface, aspects of it still infect their teaching.
In particular, I see this in the teaching about marriage. Some few are teaching that marriage is and should be easy. So, in this post, weâre going to tackle this false teaching and explore why itâs false and what that hard work is so that you can have a fantastic marriage, not because itâs easy, but because the work is worth it.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 120 - How you may be making your birth control methods ineffective. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
A few years ago, I was talking to a client during a coaching call, and we got off on a bit of a tangent about condom use. I explained a few ways that people tend to lower the protection of condoms when they use them. He was, well, shocked because he'd done many of them and had no idea that every time he did that, he was increasing the chance of conception.
And so, I've had this post idea on the back burner for quite a while until last week, when I mentioned in response to an anonymous question that if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have sex because even condoms and birth control are not perfectly effective when used correctly - and most people don't know they're not using them correctly.
When I posted that, one of our supporters asked if I could write that post, so here we go, because, well, my supporters do so much for me, I'm happy to help them out.
In this post, I'm only talking about the birth control effects, not the effect this could have on STDs/STIs. I'm also not going to address every birth control method, just the three I hear about the most. Iâm also not going to be discussing natural family planning, but that is, at best, a delay method, not a method of birth control.
So, here are things you may be doing to mess up your birth control plans.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
November and December 2023 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
How do you use a vibrator?Is roleplaying marriage a sin?Will a dildo make me unsatisfied with my husband?Wife makes excuses about everythingWhen to start talking to your kids about sex?Wife caught me watching pornIs masturbation without porn a sin?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
Introduction to Talking DirtyMarriage CoachingWhy masturbation is a problem whether you're married or singleFollow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 117 - Why do I want sex when I'm sick? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Well, itâs winter here, which means cold and flu season. So, of course, the last couple of weeks, itâs been rolling through our family of 7. Christina and I were the last to get it, and it seemed I got it worse than her. She complained about being sick but still working out multiple times daily (playing Supernatural on the VR - in case any others are fans). For me, I was barely making it through my desk job and not making it some days.
But at night, weâd crawl into bed, and I was still interested in sex, I think more than usual even - her, not at all. That made me wonder - what is it about being sick that makes me want sex more?
Unfortunately, my head was too fuzzy to research or write an article; here we are, a week later, and Iâm ready to tackle it. So, letâs dig into being sick and sex and why some may want sex when theyâre sick, and even more so when theyâre sick.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 116 - Why do I always have to tell my husband how to help? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
Lately, I've noticed a trend on social media where famous creator couples make videos of the wife telling the husband that visitors are coming over and they need to prepare. In response, the husband goes and starts cleaning out the attic and crawlspace, going through keepsakes, and performing other tasks that do little to achieve the intended goal of getting ready for guests.
Of course, they're doing it as a light-hearted joke, but it points to a common conflict in marriages - women often feel they have to ask for the same help repeatedly. Even in the non-hyperbole versions of these videos, the husband typically mows the lawn, cleans the driveway, and fixes issues in the front of the house, such as rewiring a light. In contrast, the wife worries about cleaning the house's interior and preparing food. Invariably, the wife gets upset that he's not helping with what she sees as important tasks.
And in media, be it TV, movies, or social media, they all generally side with the wife. The joking videos mentioned above always point and laugh at the men. Why is this? Is it just that men are inept? Are they blind? Inconsiderate?
So, here are my ideas of why this happens - which you are welcome to disagree with in the comments.
Interested in our Intimacy Advent Calendar? Check it out here.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
October 2023 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.
In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:
Can I use a strap-on on my wife?My husbandâs ex-girlfriendWhatâs a foreskin for?Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:
Intimacy Advent CalendarHollow strap-on at MarriedDance.comOur Sexploration ListHow does pre-marital sex impact married sex lives survey resultsWhat happens when you die?Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful champions!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference!
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
-
SWM 114 - Understanding and Navigating Sexual Obligations in a Christian Marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.
I had a wife ask, Sex should be a gift given freely, and if I donât have veto power, am I really giving freely? This is my response in light of 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 and the role model Jesus was for us dying on the cross.
If you have a different opinion than I do, or want to share your perspective, please post them in the comments on the blog post.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.
Thank you to all our faithful supporters!
If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info. Even $5/month makes a difference.
Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.
- Se mer
