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I have learned two incredibly important lessons over the past few years. And these lessons have made my own transition to having a child in college so much easier. Raising teens can feel challenging. We simply want to help them be safe, happy and successful...and yet, this seems to become increasingly difficult as our teens grow up. But even when our kids don't want our help, or when we recognize that there is little that we can do actually make them happy when they're struggling, it can be terrifying to let go of our desire (maybe even our need) to make things better. In this episode, I explore two lessons that changed everything for me...and they may surprise you.
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"The only scarier than change is regret." Oof. I don't know who first said this, but for us moms of teens, this hits home. Our lives are constantly changing. Teens growing up. Pulling away. Facing new challenges. We are approaching a time when our kids will no longer be around as much. These changes can be scary. But often, we find ourselves stuck in guilt and regret about the past. Our parenting style and the way we've chosen to raise our kids. Our love lives. Career choices and sacrifices. Our personal identity and self-care. Regret often starts with a belief that somehow the present would be different...better...if only I had made different choices in the past. But my friend, this regret isn't helping you move forward. It's keeping you stuck. Join me as I explore why regret might be the one thing you need to let go.
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What is a "Managed Mindset?" It's the antidote for the Worry Mindset, the Validation-Seeking Mindset, the Judgment Mindset, and the Fix It Mindset. Our subconscious brains fall into mindset traps all the time in an effort to keep us safe. This is normal. But if we don't recognize this - if we don't supervise our minds, then we end up stuck in painful emotions -- anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, and overwhelm. When you are able to manage your mind, you can overcome these mindset traps and find peace and confidence, even when the world around you is in turmoil. Having a Managed Mindset means taking control of your emotional well-being.
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This is the fourth in the series on the Mindset Trap Types that we can fall into as moms navigating life with teens and the transition from motherhood to the empty nest, what I call the empty nest straddle. In this episode, I explore the "Judgment Mindset Type". My friend, we all judge. We judge others, we judge our lives and how we think they "should be", we judge ourselves. And we also judge ourselves for judging all of it! Join me in this episode as I explore what part of judgment is actually a trap, and what part is a sign that our minds are functioning perfectly.
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This is the third in the series on the Mindset Trap Types that we can fall into as moms navigating life with teens and the transition from motherhood to the empty nest, what I call the empty nest straddle. In this episode, I explore the "Validation-Seeking Mindset Type". Think controlling, mom-guilt, focusing on the negative, and taking responsibility to fix all of it. There is a reason that we fall into these traps that create frustration, anger, guilt and anxiety for us, and it's not because there's something wrong with you! Join me to take a deeper diver into understanding these traps so that you can break free and find peace.
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I wanted to take a big step back to give you a bit of perspective on how I approach the journey of mindset work, both in my own life and in my work with clients. And because I think it can be helpful to think of these things in terms of acronyms, I came up with the LOVE Technique. Here's what it means. L ā is to Learn about how your mind creates your emotions and results. O - Observe your own mind in action as the watcher. V - Verify through your own observations the impact of your mindset. E - Empower yourself to decide to create the results you want in your life. Joins me as I break this technique down and share insight into my Mom 2.0 coaching process.
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I'm back with the Mindset Trap Types that we can fall into as moms navigating life with teens and the transition from motherhood to the empty nest, what I call the empty nest straddle. In this episode, I explore the "Fix-It Mindset Type". Think controlling, mom-guilt, focusing on the negative, and taking responsibility to fix all of it. There is a reason that we fall into these traps that create frustration, anger, guilt and anxiety for us, and it's not because there's something wrong with you! Join me to take a deeper diver into understanding these traps so that you can break free and find peace.
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Join me as I explore the Mindset Trap Types that we can fall into as moms navigating life with teens and the transition from motherhood to the empty nest, what I call the empty nest straddle. In this episode, I explore the "Worry Mindset Type". Think catastrophizing, all or nothing thinking and fear of the unknown. There is a reason that we fall into these traps that create worry and anxiety for us, and it's not because there's something wrong with you! Join me to take a deeper diver into understanding these traps so that you can break free and find peace.
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A mindset trap is a counter-productive way of thinking motivated by your subconscious desire to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. Of course there are times when it's a really good thing that we are instinctively motivated to avoid pain. But in our modern world, we spend a lot of unconscious mental bandwidth trying to avoid emotional pain...and in our lives as moms of teens, there are serious consequences. Join me in this episode as I get back to basics on mindset traps and demonstrate the power of breaking free of these traps.
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What is "enough"? As moms, it can quite literally feel like what you do is never enough. Of course there's juggling all of life's responsibilities. But then, as you try your best to support your teen, it can feel like you're constantly failing. You want to believe that what you are doing is enough. But deep down inside, sometimes you wonder...am I enough? Join me as I explore this question. What would it look like to decide..."I am enough."
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The empty nest syndrome is a myth. Itās a story weāve told ourselves to explain a big transitional moment in our lives. And worse, it has the tendency to pathologize our feelings of grief and loss. Whatever you feel as you approach the empty nest ā it is not a result of there being something wrong with youā¦.it is simply a function of your perception of what this change means for you. Listen in as I debunk this myth.
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In our everyday lives, there are so many opportunities for you to fall into mindset traps. As you learn about these common mindset traps and the messages start to resonate, itās so tempting to want to diagnose yourself. Because guess what ā if you can diagnose the problem, then you can fix it, right? In this episode I explore how, when you actually embrace these traps, it's possible that they will let you go.
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This is the LAST in the series on the mindset traps of the Empty Nest Straddle. This trap is by far my favoriteā¦and when I say favorite, I obviously mean the one that challenges me the most. The "illusion of control" is at the heart of the Empty Nest Straddleā¦when weāre torn between feeling the need to help our kids be safe happy and successful and the powerlessness of actually being able to help them with any of these things. Power. Control. These are not words that we like to associate with motherhood. In fact, if your child has ever accused you of ātrying to control themā, Iām willing to bet youāve gotten immediately defensive. āIām not trying to control you! Iām justā¦.fill in the blank with something related to āhelp you be safe, happy or successful.ā Weāre ājustā trying to help. Join me in this episode to learn why this is a trap.
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I'm back with the last few mindset traps of the Empty Nest Straddle. In this episode, I'm tackling the trap of "Overgeneralization", where our minds draw broad, and often incorrect or at least incomplete, conclusions about the circumstances of our lives. This trap is insidious because we often have no idea we're doing it. In fact, we often think that what we observe is simply the "truth". But when we don't observe and manage this aspect of our minds, it can have disastrous consequences for our relationships (particularly with our teens) and in the way we feel about and show up in our lives. Tune in to get yourself out of this trap.
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In honor of Valentineās Day I thought I would dedicate this podcast to the goal of finding or creating more romantic love in our lives. This episode is for you no matter whether you are with someone right now or not. Whether you are with someone, getting over the pain of the end of being with someone, or just looking for someone to start a new relationship withā¦this conversation applies to all of us. What does it mean to find true love and what, specifically, are you looking for? In this episode, I will share the ways you can find true love in your life right now.
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We need connection in our life, but we've been busy raising kids and managing hectic lives...it hasn't been easy to focus on friendship. And now that we look ahead to the empty nest, some of us find that this aspect of our lives is missing. Join me as I explore the goal of finding connection and friendship.
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For most of us moms, there isn't any more important relationship in our lives than the one we have with our children. Since they came into our lives, they have been our highest priority. And for a long time, we have also been the center of our kids' lives. When did that change? In this episode I explore the goals we have around connecting with and strengthening the relationship we have with our teens. I know you are trying your best, but are you truly living into being the woman who creates connection? Listen and find out!
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As moms, we start to grapple with the loss of purpose of being a mom well before our children leave the nestā¦even as early as middle school. But this is what can happen...we create our own pain when our need to hold onto our purpose of keeping our children safe, happy and successful starts to conflict with our teensā need for independence. Join me in this episode where I explore how to stop holding on, without ever needing to let go.
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Do you have a habit you want to change? Whether it's starting something new, or letting go of habits aren't working for you anymore, join me in this podcast as I get curious about why it's often so hard to change our habits. This is the second episode in a mini-series on the mindset aspects of achieving goals. This week I'm focusing on habit goals - this could be anything from getting more exercise to snacking, drinking or procrastinating less. This is a bit different from my typical focus on life with teens and our lives as we approach the empty nest, but by applying mindset tools to a different area of our lives, I want to show you how universal this skillset is. From parenting, relationships and purpose to weight loss, fitness and health, this work isn't about what you should do...it's about who you need to become.
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This is NOT another New Years podcast about losing weight or working out. As a master life coach, I am never going to tell you what you should do. You have enough of those "shoulds" in your life already. This podcast isn't about how to lose weight or get fit...this is about accessing the curiosity to understand how you are showing up in your life and how that is helping you move toward your goals or keeping you stuck. I am going to explore the mindset aspects of a number of different goals in a mini-series on goals. This week I'm focusing on body goals, which is a bit different from my typical focus on life with teens and our lives as we approach the empty nest. Whether or not you have any personal "body goals", I want to invite you to listen to see how universal the technique of thought work and mind mastery is when it comes to pursuing any goal - from parenting, relationships and purpose to weight loss, fitness and health. This work isn't about what you should do...it's about who you need to become.
- Se mer