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Welcome back to another episode of The Struggles with Sean Li and James Park!
Ever caught yourself standing in front of your wardrobe for way longer than you'd like to admit, trying to decide what to wear? You're not alone. In this episode, weâll share some unique hacks to simplify your daily decisions so you can have more time and energy to focus on what truly matters!
From what to eat or wear to more pivotal life decisions, we'll walk you through our strategies and experiences. Hear about our recent personal and professional triumphs that include adventures across the globe and a recent move to Las Vegas. Be prepared for an engaging conversation as we reflect on our roller-coaster journey over the past two months.
Whether you're a golfing enthusiast, a seasoned traveler, or someone looking to simplify daily decision-making, there's something for everyone in this episode. Tune in for an engaging discussion about eliminating inconsequential decisions from our lives to make room for ones that matter.
*Struggles podcast is produced by Ventures FM.*
Episode Quotes:On what he has learned after a year of being a sales associate
James: Honestly, this job is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had. I don't know how much longer I can do it, but I know that I have a higher goal, right? A higher purpose. Sometimes it feels like I'm going backward. It feels like I'm regressing in my skills to be able to talk to people, to be able to cold call people, and it doesn't actually ever get easier. You think that at some point, it's going to get easier, but you become more, I guess, comfortable with the uneasiness. I don't know if this really relates to a golf swing, but for every swing, you have to focus. You can't just not really think about your swing. At any point you could fuck up. So, it's not necessarily that things get easier, it's just you become more comfortable with your routine, your process. You just keep swinging. I'm at a point where I'm still swinging, but I do have to take a step back and think about how I'm approaching a lot of my swings now, a lot of my cold calls. Slowly improving there, but I still think I have a lot to improve on.
Life is a grind.
Sean: One thing to keep in mind is a lot of things in life is a grind. It's a grind until it gets better. Some certain things might seem like it's more enjoyable than others from the outside, but it's still a fucking grind.
James: Maybe itâs that you like something enough that you're willing to go through the grind.
On sticking with things that matter
Sean: When I think about how I make my decisions to stick with something, there's definitely always a high-arching goal. That's how I stick with things. Not to say I stick with everything. But the things I do decide to follow through on, I'm very patient with it. There's always an overarching objective that keeps me going.
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Welcome back to another episode of The Struggles with Sean Li and James Park!
After a month-long hiatus, we're excited to share our latest conversation with you all. This time, we dive into the reality of daily struggles and how embracing them can help us overcome life, business, and career challenges. From our own experiences to company-wide offsites, we discuss the importance of mindset and self-care when navigating life's obstacles.
We also explore the significance of finding meaning and identity outside of our work. We touch on the inspiring stories of our coworkers who have cultivated their passions while maintaining their careers, such as a world champion skydiver and a talented musician. We believe that having a greater purpose or passion outside of our jobs can fuel our motivation and make our daily struggles more bearable.
Lastly, we discuss the power of perspective and the role it plays in our personal growth. Whether it's involving kids in food choices or adjusting to different time zones during work trips, a shift in perspective can make all the difference. Join us as we share valuable insights, personal stories, and practical advice on navigating life's daily struggles.
Episode Quotes:Pursuing your passion outside of work/Do not let your career define your identity
James: I think a lot of people kind of go through the struggle of when they have a job, and they're trying to figure out why am I still doing this job? What's important is to have some motivation aside from just the work. You should be doing something aside from your main job. And for a lot of people, it comes down to family and relationships, but it can also be your hobbies, your passion, whatever you're truly passionate about, whatever you truly really want to do with your life, what you enjoy doing, and I thought that was really cool. I kind of grew up with the identity of I'm someone who just works, and I'm slowly starting to get out of that kind of mindset where I rely on work to define who I am.
Golf as a business tool
Sean: I used to feel guilty about playing so much golf, but I realized it is something that I wanted to commit to, and maybe there's an excuse that I'm giving myself, but I do think it's a reality for me, where it's like a tool that I want to have in my bag and my tool belts. And I want that because, from a business perspective, I want to be able to hang with people that play golf and talk business. I think that's why I'm just so committed to it.
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Sean and James have been traveling for the last few weeks, and this episode is a quick recap of what's been happening.
They talked a little bit about work (Let's congratulate James for hitting his quota for the first time!), vitamins and supplements (Do they really work?), and the struggles of traveling with kids and how to overcome them.
They also discussed ways to measure your life - celebrating the small wins leading up to the bigger ones.
Episode Quotes:Struggles on feeling you are doing enough
James: There's some kind of very thin line between feeling okay with where you're at, being enough, feeling that you're doing enough, and the feeling that you should be doing more. That's a constant struggle.
On traveling with kids
Sean: Take it easy. Don't hold expectations for what kids should be doing or what you should be doing. Just go with the flow.
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Sean recently finished the book, A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love. And this is the center of today's episode.
We deep dive into the idea of living in fear versus living in the state of love. How does someone live without fear? How do you live in a state of love despite judgment? Is love just the absence of fear? Letâs uncover these questions one by one.
Key Takeaways:Enlightenment is constantly choosing to live in a state of love and not in a state of fear.You are enough as yourself in this moment. Beware of your fears.Episode Quotes:On living without fear
Sean: Itâs a constant practice. Every time I get frustrated, it's an opportunity to evaluate and interrupt myself. I still don't know how to be in a state of love, but what I've been practicing is how to not be in a state of fear.
James: It seems almost like once you get down to the fear and realize that it's something you don't have to worry about, that is actually when the state change into love. Or is there another step there? Eliminating fear is one thing; is living in love just by identifying what your fear is, is that all that is?
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Sean and James talk about communication and the importance of staying in touch with family, friends, and people who matter to you. But how do you determine who they are?
If you struggle with being intentional about who you want to stay in touch with, tune in and enjoy the episode.
Key Takeaways:Communication is key in any relationship.Even within family, there are misunderstandings.Just because you grew up with someone, even if you're blood-related, doesn't mean you have a given relationship to hold onto. You still have to work on it. Episode Quotes:What is communication debt?
Sean: This is a theme that I am very passionate about. We kind of just assume our parents and family know what we're up to, or know what we're thinking. Or they assume that we know what they're thinking and what they're up to, what they're going through. And the reality is we don't. And so, it's even more important to communicate more with family so that know exactly what you're thinking and what you're going through. Because when you don't, then just like any friendship, it creates distance, it creates an information gap where there's an immense amount of room for misunderstanding.
"Investing" in relationships
James: I think at some point, you no longer have to deposit into that fund, especially if you feel that there's gonna be no return. The reason why I say this is because there are definitely people that I no longer try to keep in touch with anymore because after some time you just realize that they don't want to be part of the relationship. It's a choice that you make at some point where you'll invest elsewhere. Your time is limited.
Managing your expectations when trying to build relationships/communicate with new or old people in your life
James: For anyone that is in a place where they're struggling with some relationship or trying to either revamp one or bring one to light or to make a new one or to reach out to a friend that you haven't reached out to in a while, I think, one, you just have to expect that you can get nothing in return because that is the worst outcome. And then the best outcome would be that they reply and they give back. But you can't expect that. And who is receiving your effort just changes over time.
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Sean and James talk about gratitude and how they shape their worldviews.
Sean shares about his first personal annual update to his close friends and how he turns some struggles as a parent into a practice of gratitude.
They talk through their different points of view on patience and trust, and how trust is foundational to a lot of things that we do in life.
Side note from Sean and James: We decided to drop âStartupâ in our title and just go with âThe Struggles.â Our topics have grown to include more than just the difficulties of a startup, and we thought this title was more fitting!
Key Takeaways:The challenge in parenting is not the child. The child is just being the child. Patience depends on trust.Episode Quotes:Sean on patience and trust in relation to anxiety
A lot of times with a lot of things that we experience in life, the whole basis of anxiety is that you don't feel patient. We don't have the patience to see it out. To let the fears play out. And we don't have the patience because we don't trust the process. We don't trust that things are gonna be fine.
James on having patience and trusting the process
Having patience means that you are trusting that you'll eventually get to where you need to get to. It does mean that you have to be putting in the work. And it might take much longer than you actually ever thought with adjustments that you have to make, lessons that you learn every single day, and changing your process slightly to be more effective and efficient.
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No matter how far along you get in life or how many successes and failures you go through, there's always a reason to be discontent. How do we combat that?
In this episode, James and Sean catch up on what happened last week and review how they did on their weekly goals. They discuss contentment in their day-to-day activities and Sean gives the latest update about Clever.
Key TakeawayShift your perspective and find contentment by zooming out instead of zooming in.The path to success is paved with failures.Success is not about what you get done today. Success is what you do slowly, little by little, every single day. Episode Quotes:Sean on having the right perspective when doing comparisons
You can't not compare, but you can also choose what to compare and what to compare it to. It's really about trying to find the right perspective. I think that's a muscle to exercise mentally.
Sean on why people don't get to reach their yearly goals
People tend to overestimate what they can accomplish in a day and underestimate what they can accomplish in a year. That's the anxiety that I feel like a lot of people these days live with. They feel like they need to get so much done in a day, but then that anxiety ends up being detrimental. They don't end up getting that much done in a year because they're just paralyzed every single day.
James on how to build the habit of finishing tasks
I think the idea for creating a habit, or even creating a task for you to take care of, is that the task should feel so simple you know exactly what to do. It needs to be way more specific and action-oriented and you should be able to take that action without having to think about it.
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In this episode, Sean and James discuss the plague of trying to do too much and the paradox of choice.
They talk about why this can be difficult and some ways to work around it like prioritizing.
Taking all the essential stuff out, if you only had one hour of free time just for yourself, what would you do?
Key Takeaways:Priority should be a singular word.Trying to accomplish too much creates a large barrier where you don't even wanna start. Start with just one thing that you want to accomplish in a set duration of time.
Episode Quotes:On picking only one thing to prioritize
Sean: With a limited time, you honestly should just pick one to work on. It's been really helpful for me to do that. I feel a lot less stressed and happier about it because I'm able to just improve one thing at a time.
How does someone choose what they're prioritizing?
Sean: I think it shows by your actions. What do you keep doing of all the things that you listed, right? What are you consistently doing? Even two or three days out of the week and then just stick to that for now.
James: I think what you could do, if you're struggling with a paradox of choice and having way too much to do you don't feel like you can get to all of it, maybe practice picking something for your mind, picking something for your body, and picking something for your soul.
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This episode is about life satisfaction.
It's the beginning of the year, and maybe youâre already behind on your new yearâs resolution and feeling dissatisfied. Listen to Sean and James talk about their own dissatisfactions and how they work with these feelings.
Key Takeaways:Comparison can cause dissatisfaction. Be intentional about what you're comparing in life. Actively choose what you want to be dissatisfied about and work on it.Episode Quotes:James on satisfaction
No matter what I surrounded myself with, if I was not satisfied with myself and how I am now, nothing would change that. It all comes down to kind of a mindset. You have to be satisfied with where you are now.
Sean on accepting this moment in time
When we accept something, we're just accepting the âhere and nowâ. We're not accepting âhere and nowâ in the future. I think the common misconception is that our acceptance seals our fate.
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In the very first episode of this year, 2023, Sean and James talk about new year resolutions.
Although they both don't like it, they agree it is a helpful tool. They talk about routines and how we can change the new resolutions to work for us and how to have more grace for ourselves.
Key Takeaways:New year resolutions need to start with the right mindset and expectations.Resolutions can be large or small, each with its own unique approach towards accomplishment.Resolutions can start any day of the year.Episode Quotes:James on starting now
It sounds like a great idea. Fresh start gives you something to look forward to, work towards, but it's a constructed time. If you really want to achieve something or if you really want to change your life or anything, you can start now. It doesn't matter at what point of the year it is.
Sean on no better day than today
What bothers me about it is like, well, if you think you can delay changing, then you'll always think you can delay changing. You start the resolution, you're like, you know what? I don't feel like it this month. I'm gonna change next month. You can always procrastinate change, and I think that's what New Year's resolution bugs me the most, this perpetual procrastination delay of change. It instills this idea that you don't have to change yet if you don't want to. Obviously, you don't have to change if you don't want to, but if you really want to make a change though there's no better day to start than today.
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Why don't holidays feel as exciting once you are an adult?
James and Sean discuss this question from one listener (thanks for asking!). They chat about some possible reasons and provide tips on bringing back the holiday feels that made it special as a child.
P.S. from Sean and James
This is our 50th episode, a big milestone for us! Thank you to our team that made each episode happen and to you, our dear listener, for tuning in, lending us an ear. You have kept us accountable and we appreciate you. Happy Holidays!
Key Takeaways:You create your own traditions. If you don't find the holidays as exciting anymore and traditions have been lost from your childhood, you have the ability to recreate them. It can be with your community or just family.Traditions are yours to make and can begin in one moment. It doesnât have to be a grand event. It can start small.
Episode Quotes:Sean on why holidays are memorable
I think that's the key word thereâmemorable. What's memorable isn't the gifts. It's the time spent with other people. It's creating memories with people, right?
James on accountability - hitting the 50th episode
I think it's easier to hit this number because it's once a week, but more importantly, there's accountability. We rely on each other to be here week after week. And yeah, sometimes one of us will be busy, or we can't do it, or we forget, or something comes up. But in the end, it is much easier to build a habit to continue persevering when there's someone else that's doing that with you.
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How can you find excitement and a sense of purpose with routines?
Sean and James talk about how routines may seem mundane but are useful and needed in our daily lives. They discus how it's important to differentiate between maintenance and growth-oriented routines and why you can't always rely on external factors to push you to do your daily tasks.
Key Takeaways:Life can be a double edged sword. Everything can have two different views.You can build and develop that hit of serotonin in doing routines.Excitement is just one motivator for routines. Resilience and grit are other tools to harness.Rely on internal factors, not external.Episode Quotes:James on the danger of looking for excitement or something new in our day-to-day
It's not about making your ordinary extraordinary or making mundane fun. I think itâs a matter of being somewhat okay with the mundane. Everyone thinks you have to make something exciting to do something, right? It's like we need that serotonin hit to get excited, get motivated to do something. But if you're always searching for that feeling of it being exciting, I feel that's where we always fight our routines. If we always want something new, and that's what we're searching for, we're never going to be okay with routine.
Sean on not relying on external factors to do routines
If you heavily rely on external things to incentivize you or push you to do your routines or habits, it will work but not for long. It has to be internally driven and internally motivated.
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In this episode, Sean and James discuss adulting strugglesâthe loss of friendships and social connections, and how to find ways to build a core community.
Key Takeaways:The digital world is a double edged sword; itâs made it easy and difficult to stay connected.Having a tribe to socialize with can make a positive impact to your mental health.Finding community requires action.Episode Quotes:James on the impact of false projections onto your friends
I think a lot of our insecurities, we project onto what other people think about us. That's like what imposter syndrome is. Itâs not exactly related, but there is something there where you're insecure about what you're doing, you're insecure about how youâre acting and maybe a choice that you make or an opinion that you have is going to create some concerns. Maybe some people are going to judge you differently. And so, you're projecting those judgments onto what other people might think of you. And with a close group of friends, that judgment or that concern, at some point, once you come to an understanding of each other, it kind of goes away. And so, it doesn't matter when you last call or if you call for no reason.
Sean on the effect of socializing less
Going back to talking about the pandemic, about gaming or the hobbies that we have, the whole point of all these things and what we were doing in our twenties was socializing. And I feel like as we get older, we potentially tend to socialize less. How does that affect our wellbeing and mental health and whatnots? I'm starting to realize, at least for me, there's a toll.
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Let's talk about fear.
Fear of being a parent, friend, not being enough.
Sean has been going through these this week, and he and James talk about what drives them and why we shouldnât let it get the best of us.
They discuss an exercise of writing down fears and anxieties to see them in a light of love, which is what Sean has been doing to overcome them.
Key Takeaways:The fear of loss can come with ownership.The fear of failure drives us to act out of fear.Do not project your fears onto your children.Fear can cause us to be impatient. Be kind and patient with yourself. You're fine the way you are.Episode Quotes:Sean on acting out of love as a parent
You put yourself in the shoes of your children and really pay attention to their needs, and respect them. Respect that they're intelligent enough to let you know versus living in fear that you know better than them.
James on responding to fear
You can be afraid of something, so you run away from it, or you can be afraid of something, so you fight.
Sean's tip on how to deal with fear and anxiety
If you find yourself living in anxiety or just, you know, in a state of suffering, take a look at your fears and think about how you can act out of love for the people around you and for yourself. Find ways to find compassion. A lot of our fears will come to pass.
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This episode is all about money.
Sean thinks that having too much is just going to make your life worse. James, on the other hand, thinks it can improve your life for the better, especially if you are smart about having it.
Listen as the two debate what huge money can do to someone's life and discuss how much money is too much.
Finally, they talk about how money drives our fears and tie that into how we can start living out of love.
Key Takeaways:We create a lot of the struggles that happen to us.A lot of our struggles are regretting the past or anxiety about the future.Our deep desire to want more has a lot to do with comparing ourselves to somebody else.Episode Quotes:Sean on having too much money
"Money doesn't make us any happier. You can have money and all the security in the world, and you can still be f****** miserable."
James on how to figure out what's enough for you
"What is your purpose in life? Maybe if you have a very clear focus, you'll end up finding out what is enough for you."
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In this episode, Sean and James dig into imposter syndrome and how it shows up in their lives. It's something we all have to deal with no matter what stage you're in.
They talk about sports stars and businessmen who went through imposter syndrome and what they did to get out of it.
Listen to this episode to learn how you can deal with imposter syndrome and stop it from hindering your own success.
Key Takeaways:If you have only known success without the struggles and failures, will you enjoy it? Will you truly know what it feels like?Stop comparing yourself with others because circumstances are different.A big part of failure is how you can get out of it. It's a mental challenge to go through failure, to recover and continue doing the work.Episode Quotes:James on imposter syndrome
"Everyone goes through this. No matter where you are in your career, there comes a point where you kind of wonder, âAm I even doing this right? Am I even successful? Am I good at this job? Am I good at this hobby?â It can sneak up on you in any way. Whether you're a founder, or even just an employee somewhere working on your own thing. There's always that moment in time where you begin to have self-doubt."
Sean on why imposter syndrome is not a bad thing
âIt's not necessarily a bad thing to feel imposter syndrome. You have to be comparing yourself to somebody. The comparison in the beginning is helpful because then it helps you create a benchmark or a goal or whatnot, to say, âOh, this is where I would like to be.â But I think where it becomes destructive is when we become obsessed about comparing ourselves to that person versus comparing to ourselves like, âHow am I benchmarking myself towards my personal path, my personal growth?â And I think maybe the reason it's harder now, when I think about it, is it's much easier to look at somebody else and benchmark, than to benchmark yourself. It's really hard to see yourself and see change.â
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In this week's episode, Sean and James talk about how James' routine has changed and how Sean has been going through struggles as a parent.
James has taken a break from writing, and falls into an old habit of watching tons of sports, which he thinks comes from his addiction to easy access to entertainment. They talk about the concept of unwinding and what it means for both of them.
On the other hand, Sean is learning new things from Miles who is going through the âterrible twosâ stage. Why does it have to be called âterribleâ when it is a normal stage of development for kids? Sean thinks it sets the wrong mindset, and does his best to navigate it.
Plus, listen to a few snippets of Sean and James trying to record while playing golf. It was fun playing together but recording at the same time was a bad idea!
Key Takeaways:Some things may be relatively free, but the actual cost is our attention.Focus on creating new memories.Thereâs a time and place to build routines and discipline with children.Episode Quotes:James on addiction to anything
âWe do have the ability, the mental capacity to stop. We want to stop, we can stop. We have the will.â
Sean on unwinding
âWhen we have a big change in our life, we're not very intentional about how we unwind within the new routine.â
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In this episode, Sean and James talk about child tantrums and how they relate to them as adults.
They get deeper into why kids, and even adults, throw tantrums, how they deal with them, and the reality that everything in life comes and goes.
Key Takeaways:The biggest challenge as parents isn't dealing with kids' tantrums but rather how to handle them properly.Showing compassion doesn't mean you try to end the other person's suffering. You don't have a right to end their suffering.Never hold on too tight to anything, especially feelings. Everything comes and goes.
Episode Quotes:James on the realities of life
"Some weeks, the waves are gentle and awesome and sunny and bright and perfect. Some they're just storms. And then, every once in a while, there's a rogue wave or hurricane."
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Sean and James talk about feeling life has little meaning. Everything can feel seemingly against us. Is there a point to any of this? Let's find out what Sean and James have to say based on their own experiences.
Key Takeaways:Building relationships and having a community is essential Purpose is never given or found. You have to create it. Bonds are created through experiences and time. It doesn't happen just because you're related by blood.You can't expect a relationship to bud on its own. You have to put the effort into it.Be intentional in whatever you do. -
Sean and James think so! This week, they talked a lot about guilt and how to potentially live a more guilt-free life.
Key Takeaways:It is not a natural instinct to feel guilty.Guilt is all internal. Nobody can make you feel guilty.A lot of guilt is also learning to be self-forgiving.Episode Quotes:James on going through life's ups and downs
"You'll have good weeks. You'll have bad weeks. But it's not what you do on the good weeks, but it's more what you do on the bad weeks. How you stick with your process, stick with the same kind of good habits that you're setting, and trying to set yourself up for success. And it's not always gonna look like a straight growing linear line. It's always gonna be curvy with the ups and downs, and you just gotta get through the downs just as much you gotta get through the ups."
Sean on how priorities create a lot of unnecessary guilt
"We've turned everything into a priority. I think that also creates a lot of unnecessary guilt because, you know, I'd feel like, âI should have done this. I should have done that. I need to do this. I need to do that.â It's like, no, you don't. What do you actually need to do? Priority should be a singular word, right? It's like, what is your priority? What are you actually responsible for? And are you getting that done versus feeling you are responsible for every stupid thing? And that's where I'm saying like 99% of the guilt that I feel are the responsibilities I feel like I have. What are my real responsibilities?"
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