Episoder
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On this episode, Irina speaks with psychologist Justena Kavanagh who specializes in helping people to overcome coercive control and other narcissistic abuse. Justena talks about the different insidious forms that narcissism can take, including relational narcissism. She explains why these behavior types are so difficult to uncover and combat. Justena and Irina discuss what people need to understand about narcissists and their victims, and how both therapists and legal professionals need to catch up in their conceptions. As someone who has treated both narcissists and those they have hurt, Justena provides a unique perspective on this major societal problem. Take the time to learn about what may affect you or someone you love!
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Irina's special guest on this episode is no other than her husband (and "Strangers on the Internet" sound editor) Carlos Farini. They discuss the beginning of their relationship, from Bumble to exclusivity in three dates. Carlos also explains what he would say to men who do not value relationships and/or do not wish to date smart women. Come find out how things almost fell apart after their second meeting due to the vagaries of NYC dating, and why you should resist the temptation of the paradox of choice!
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Mangler du episoder?
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In this episode, Irina discusses all things interracial dating with Prof. Solangel Maldonado of the Seton Hall University School of Law. Solangel introduces listeners to her new book "The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality." How have not only anti-miscegenation laws but also laws related to property and other matters, including zoning-related regulations, led to lower levels of interracial coupling to this day? Have racial filters on dating apps exacerbated the state of things? And how can we have conversations with individuals about their dating preferences without their getting defensive? For all that and more, tune in!
Solangel Maldonado’s faculty profile
Solangel’s book “The Architecture of Desire: How the Law Shapes Interracial Intimacy and Perpetuates Inequality”
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Dr. Rebecca Davis, the Miller Family Early Career professor at the University of Delaware, recently completed the first major account of the history of sex and sexuality in America in three decades. She talks with Irina and Michelle about her new book "Fierce Desires," which complicates our understanding of how issues such as gender identity and sexual orientation have evolved between the early colonial period and today. From the societal treatment of nonconforming individuals to recent Supreme Court decisions on reproductive choice and to the upcoming presidential election, Rebecca covers it all in this fascinating episode filled with surprising historical twists and turns!
Rebecca Davis's faculty profile
Rebecca's book "Fierce Desires"
Rebecca's podcast "This Is Probably a Really Weird Question..."
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On this episode, Irina speaks with clinician Dr. Christine Cocchiola and divorce coach Amy Polacko about their new book "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld." These coauthors describe the devastating consequences that many women experience when they try to leave their abusers and to protect their children during and after divorce. The podcast guests explain how courts often let coercive controllers run loose and what victims can do to stand up to physical, emotional, financial, legal, and other forms of abuse. The conversation delves into both the need for education on coercive control and legislative change to address its consequences worldwide. Please join our discussion for your own sake and that of loved ones who are current or potential victims!
SOTI ep. 17 “How to Survive Divorce and Break-ups with Amy Polacko”
Pre-ordering info for "Framed: Women in the Family Court Underworld" book
Facebook book launch group
Dr. Christine Cocchiola's website
Amy Polacko's website
Joan S. Meyer (GW Law) & Sean Dickson's study "Mapping Gender: Shedding Empirical Light on Family Courts' Treatment of Cases Involving Abuse and Alienation"
Amy Polacko's Newsweek article "My Ex-Husband Won't Let Me Vaccinate Our Son"
Amy Polacko's Ms. Magazine article "Lawyers Say Catherine Kassenoff's Case--and Thousands of Others--Violate U.S. Constitutional Right to Due Process"
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In the fifth part of this coverage of the sexual misconduct allegations against ex-George Mason University (GMU) law professor and former FTC Commissioner Joshua Wright, Irina invites back Dilan Esper, an experienced litigator in areas that include defamation law and the First Amendment. Together, they analyze the most recent legal developments in two lawsuits that Josh has launched. The first is his defamation lawsuit against two of the women who accused Josh of misconduct--Elyse Dorsey and Angela Landry--where the judge allowed the lawsuit to proceed past a successful motion to dismiss after Josh amended his complaint. The second is a sex discrimination lawsuit where Josh is suing his former employer GMU for the way it handled his complaint, arguing that the university prematurely sided with his alleged victims because he is a man.
Dilan explains to listeners why he thinks that Josh's legal actions will neither succeed in court nor help to restore his reputation, and why some of Josh's painting himself as a victim of the #metoo movement in legal filings may be motivated by his hoping to get future benefits from fellow Title IX critics. Dilan also discusses the use of defamation lawsuits generally in responding to sexual allegations, including based on his experience representing one of Bill Cosby's victims.
SOTI ep. 39 with Prof. Christa Laser
SOTI ep. 40 with Prof. Brandy Wagstaff
SOTI ep. 41 with Aliza Shatzman
SOTI ep. 42 with Dilan Esper
Dilan Esper's profile
Dilan's Twitter
Wall Street Journal coverage part 1
Wall Street Journal coverage part 2
Wall Street Journal coverage part 3
Note: According to a statement printed in the media by Lindsay McKasson, counsel to Joshua Wright at Binall Law Group "all allegations of sexual misconduct are false," "These false allegations are being made public after unsuccessfully demanding millions of dollars behind closed doors," and "We look forward to total vindication in court." According to a tweet by Christa Laser, "I don't appreciate that his attorney falsely suggests we are all lying (1/2 was in writing!) & want $ (this is a lie–I only want him gone)."
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What are the neurobiological underpinnings of relationships? Irina and Michelle delve into that question and its implications with St. Louis University professor and director of SLU's relationships and brain sciences research laboratory Dr. Dixie Meyer. She explains how couples co-regulate their emotions and what can go awry in the process, whether the phrase "happy wife, happy life" has empirical backing, and how the pandemic has affected romantic relationships and women's societal roles. Come nerd out with your favorite hosts and another awesome guest!
Dixie Meyer’s profile
Dixie’s research
Dixie’s NPR interview
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One of the chief complaints of dating app users (and especially straight women) is that commitment phobia abounds in those they meet. Can people with commitment phobia ever change? And if so, can they ever be nudged into such change? What happens when someone commits out of fear of losing the other person? Irina and Michelle discuss all that and more on this episode, so listen up!
Show notes
bell hooks's book "All About Love: New Visions"
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On this episode, Arkansas State University philosophy professor Michele Merritt joins us from Tennessee with her engineer husband Paul Hiebing. The couple discusses meeting online and navigating life from dating in Florida to getting married, moving states twice, and adding both kids and pets. How have they weathered mental health challenges, including ones resulting from Michele being adopted and reconnecting with her biological relatives? The couple opens up about depression, suicidality, emotional labor, and the integration of their busy lives. Come check it out!
Michele Merritt's website
Michele's faculty profile
Michele's "Minding Dogs" book
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According to recent data and media reports, Gen Z has some enthusiasm for dating in the workplace. Is that a good idea, however? Irina and Michelle dissect the pros and cons of finding a significant other at work. What happens if things fall apart and people have to keep collaborating after a break-up? And how might scenarios play out if there is an uneven power dynamic between the individuals involved? The Dating Professors take a look at the issues involved from regular dating situations to extramarital affairs. You won't believe what happened when Michelle worked at Blockbuster Video and later during her psychology practicum!
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On this episode, Irina and Michelle chat with psychotherapist and sex addiction specialist D.J. Burr. In recovery from sex addiction himself, D.J. explains the condition and the path toward improvement. He discusses how trauma connects to addiction, how dating apps cause special problems for those with addiction, and why he thinks porn can never be used in healthy ways. D.J. also describes the therapy process involved in recovery and the importance of addressing the issue of shame. Check out this episode filled with information and vulnerability.
D.J. Burr's website
D.J.'s Linktree
D.J.'s "I Just Wanted Love" book (free chapter here)
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"Opposites attract," the old adage goes. Is that really true, however? Irina and Michelle delve into the ways that disparities are a drawback versus advantage in relationships. What are some of the Dating Professors' personal habits and preferences that they think would cause conflict if a mate was diametrically different? Come listen to an exploration of the role of athletic commitment, love of or distaste for going out, and the clash between early birds and night owls.
Plus don't forget to check out our "Strangers on the Internet" Facebook page for a bonus relationship exercise mentioned in the episode!
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On this episode, Irina and Michelle talk to German visual artist Sebastian, whom Irina met on a long train ride in Europe over a decade ago. He is a photographer, comic artist, graphic designer, illustrator, silk-screen printer, painter, and musician who has lived as a digital nomad for some time. From photographing Iggy Pop to having his work appear in the New York Times, and from living in Germany to England, Brazil, the United States, and Japan, Sebastian has seen it all. He opens up about why he finds dating difficult and how he does not want to use a partner as a crutch. The blank canvas awaits, and we discuss the kinds of women or men that Sebastian would like to invite into the story.
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When and how should you intervene in loved ones' romantic relationships? The Dating Professors address the issue in this episode. Irina and Michelle talk about the things that make them uncomfortable to watch in other couples, and discuss various attempts to help. How did Michelle react when a friend butted in as she was preparing to enter a real estate arrangement with a romantic partner? And would some people really rather cut off a BFF than hear hard truths? All that and more in this podcast conversation!
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Cassie, a NYC professional in her 40s, did not see her live-in partner's cheating coming. She tells Irina and Michelle about the way her 49-year-old boyfriend--whom she met in a physical therapist's office at the start of the pandemic--betrayed Cassie with a 27-year-old mutual friend! Find out how Cassie's dog played a key role in sniffing out the situation. Cassie also talks about how she is rebuilding her life with the support of her family and friends, and dipping her toes back into the pool of the dating apps. You will not want to miss this inspiring story of overcoming heartbreak and discovering a path to freedom and happiness!
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Is there hope for finding love late in life, including after being widowed or divorced? The Dating Professors explore in this episode the stereotypes and true challenges--but also advantages--of looking for a match in one's later years. Irina and Michelle discuss the higher degree of self-knowledge present in one's senior years, the complications that might arise from relatives unhappy about one's new dating endeavors, and much more. Pull up a (rocking?) chair for this episode about golden times!
ABC's "The Golden Bachelor"
New York Times article "Dating After 60: A Lot of Roses, Some Thorns"
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Season 3 begins with the feel-good tale of how Rutgers emergency physician Dr. Aislinn Black and Cornell information law scholar Prof. James Grimmelmann met in the early days of social media. Learn how 19th century Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard played a key role in their connecting and how Aislinn initially tried to matchmake James with a friend of hers. Irina and Michelle accompany the couple from their early days of zipping up and down the East Coast (so they could hang out) to their decision to commit after bumping into a Belgian medieval pageant. Aislinn and James discuss why the era of long emails and AOL Instant Messenger worked especially well for their romance and how their marriage and parenting defy gender stereotypes. Last but not least, James shares his thoughts on the steps that would lead to greater Internet safety. Come start the year right with a podcast episode that will bring a smile to your face!
Dr. Aislinn Black's professional profile
Dr. James Grimmelmann's professional profile
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Irina and Michelle guide listeners through a retrospective of the "Strangers on the Internet" podcast on the occasion of the show's 50th episode. What lessons have the Dating Professors learned from their guests and conversations? Our hosts discuss societal loneliness and disconnection, the state of the dating apps, and the key traits and situations to avoid while dating. They also explore the ways that communities can support both single and coupled people in today's world. Come celebrate this big milestone and final episode of season 2 with us!
Time article on AI assistance in dating and matchmaking
Research study on gender differences in response to dating profiles
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Award-winning screenwriter and author L.L. Kirchner takes Irina and Michelle through the whirlwind of her life in this episode you will not want to miss. While living in Qatar, L.L. received a phone call from her husband announcing that he wanted a divorce. Afraid that she would spiral back into substance addiction, L.L. promptly decided to take a spiritual journey to India where she quit smoking cigarettes as soon as she landed and threw herself into yoga and meditation, even visiting a sex cult at one point. L.L. tells it all, from the start of her eventually babysitting-funded alcoholism that started at age ten (later on adding other drugs) to the dating column and matchmaking experiment she ran for an alternative newspaper. After some online dating adventures of her own in NYC, did she really end up finding love with Florida Man?? Come find out!
L.L. Kirchner's website
L.L's Instagram
L.L.'s book "Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution"
L.L's book "American Lady Creature: (My) Change in the Middle East"
SOTI ep. 46: Dating While Sober with Felicia Hermle
SOTI ep. 43: Exclusive Interview with Comedian Allison Goldberg
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On this episode, Irina and Michelle interview marketing consultant Serise Lange, who moderates the popular Facebook group Women's Personal Finance. How do finances impact dating, and how do we figure out who should pay for what? What does Serise think about folks who send out a Venmo request after a date did not go as desired? And what exactly are "hobosexuals"? We learn from Serise's wisdom not only about money but also emotional wellbeing generally!
Serise Lange's Twitter
Women's Personal Finance website
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- Se mer