Episoder
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In this enlightening episode, I sit down with my friend and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach, Professor Felipe Santos. A champion in many respects, Felipe is a kind, passionate family man and an all-round good sort. Iâve learned a lot from him over the years.
Our conversation evolves naturally, flowing with the go, as Master Rickson Gracie would say. We cover a lot of ground, discussing topics such as:
Resilience, perseverance, and gritDealing with complexity, uncertainty, fear, and anxietyThe importance of family and traditional valuesThe power of communityThe significance of structure and disciplineRespect for others, self, and higher powersThis episode was suggested by Prashant Kumar, the mat enforcer at our gym. His wonderful idea led to a conversation that I believe will be the first of many more to come. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, we find, is a metaphor for life. Any difficult-to-master skill can be a rich resource of lessons that teach us so much about life and how to live meaningfully.
I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did! To find Professor Santos and the gang at Mount Maunganui Jiu-Jitsu, check out the details in the show notes. They offer a one-week free trial, which I highly recommend. Not only does BJJ give you a competitive edge in BBQ rumbles, but it also provides an advantage in many areas of life, including business, family, love, friendships, finances, and conflict resolution.
https://www.mountjiujitsu.co.nz/
https://www.facebook.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu
https://www.instagram.com/mountmaunganuijiujitsu
Donât forget to check us out on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook. Visit huddlewisdom.com for free parenting resources, especially if you have anxious kids at home or at school. For the neuroatypical tribes out there, we have resources for you too. If you enjoy our content, feel free to contribute at www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom to keep this good thing going. Enjoy the episode!
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Welcome to this episode of "The Power of Self-Reflection: A Guide for Parents of Anxious Children". In this episode, we delve into the challenges parents face when their children experience anxiety and explore the transformative power of self-reflection as a tool to navigate these challenges.
We discuss the difference between reactive and self-reflective practices, highlighting how easy it is to revert to old habits in stressful situations. We explore the concept of self-reflection, a practice that involves acknowledging our roles in conflicts and dissecting our actions. This enlightening journey can enhance our ability to think before we act, fostering personal growth and better understanding of our reactions.
We guide you through a journey of self-reflection with reflective questions designed to help you understand your reactions and their impact on your anxious children. These questions serve as a starting point for introspection, helping you to explore the principles that guide your actions, understand the notions carried over from your own childhood, and identify the ideas that influenced your response or reaction at that moment.
Remember, this is a personal journey with no right or wrong answers. It's about understanding ourselves better to support our children more effectively. We encourage you to take some time to reflect on these questions and share your reflections and discoveries on your social media platforms, fostering a supportive community for parents facing similar challenges. Join us in this episode as we embark on this enlightening journey of self-reflection to better support our children and navigate the challenges of parenting.
The QUESTIONS
What principles guide my actions?
What notions have I carried over from my own childhood?
What ideas influenced my response or reaction at that moment?
How confident am I in identifying problems?
Am I considering all the relevant factors?
Do I feel like Iâve lost control over a situation?
Is this because I feel the need to be heard or listened to? -
Mangler du episoder?
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Parents are the answer to the mental health crisis. How? Tune in. For resources on how you can be the linchpin in your kid's lives. www.huddlewisdom.com/connections
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Introduction: Welcome to another episode of Parenting with Huddle Wisdom.
Today weâre diving into a common yet challenging scenario: anxious mornings with our little ones. As parents, weâve all been thereârushing to get everyone ready for the day while managing our own stress. But how can we co-regulate with our anxious child, validate their feelings, and provide comfort when weâre feeling overwhelmed ourselves? Letâs explore some strategies and personal experiences.
Scenario: The Anxious Morning Rush: Picture this: Itâs 7:30 a.m., and the house is buzzing with activity. Your partner is grabbing their laptop, your older child is searching for their missing shoe, and the dog is barking at the mailman. Amidst the chaos, your youngestâa sensitive and anxious soulâis clinging to your leg, tears streaming down their face. Theyâre worried about school, friendships, and whether theyâll remember their lunchbox. How do you handle this delicate moment?
1. Co-Regulation: Co-regulation is the key. When our child is anxious, they look to us for cues on how to manage their emotions. Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and offer a calm presence. Sit down with your child, make eye contact, and say, âI see youâre feeling worried. Itâs okayâweâll get through this together.â
2. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their anxiety without judgment. Say, âItâs normal to feel nervous sometimes. Even grown-ups get anxious. Letâs talk about whatâs bothering you.â Encourage them to express their fears, whether itâs forgetting their homework or being teased at school.
3. Empathize: Share your own experiences. Maybe you recall feeling anxious before a big presentation or meeting. Let them know theyâre not alone. Say, âI remember feeling nervous too. But guess what? We survived, and you will too.â
4. Comfort Amidst Stress: Now, hereâs the tricky part: Youâre stressed too. Your mind is racing through your to-do list, and patience wears thin. But remember, your child needs you. Take a mental pause. Remind yourself that their anxiety isnât a personal attackâitâs their struggle. Hug them, stroke their hair, and say, âWeâll figure this out. Weâre a team.â
5. Navigating the Chaos: As you juggle breakfast, backpacks, and car keys, keep your child close. Reassure them: âWeâve got time. Letâs find your lunchbox together.â Involve them in problem-solving. Maybe they can choose a comforting item to take to schoolâa small plush toy or a family photo.
6. Free Resources for Parents: In todayâs show notes, youâll find a link to HuddleWisdomâs Anxiety Toolkit for Kids. Itâs a collection of free resourcesâprintables, breathing exercises, and calming techniquesâthat you can use with your child. Visit www.huddlewisdom.com/connections to access these valuable tools.
Conclusion: Remember, parenting isnât about perfection; itâs about connection. Our anxious mornings are opportunities to strengthen that bond. So, take a deep breath, hold your childâs hand, and step into the day together. Until next time, this is [Your Name] signing off. Be kind to yourself, and be there for your little ones. đ
Disclaimer: The advice provided in this podcast is based on personal experiences and general parenting principles. Always consult a professional if you have specific concerns about your childâs anxiety or mental health.
Note to listeners: If you found this episode helpful, please share it with other parents who might benefit. And donât forget to subscribe!
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Welcome to our podcast, where we delve into the personal journey of a forensic psychiatrist and father who faced his own demons.
This is a story of a man who, despite his professional expertise in human behavior, found himself in a situation that shook him to his core and led him to introspect deeply about his life and priorities. In this podcast, we explore a haunting incident - a day when he left his young, anxious daughter alone in a bustling school car park.
Overwhelmed by professional commitments and personal responsibilities, he made a choice that he would regret deeply. The guilt and shame of this incident led him to a depressive episode, forcing him to confront his shortcomings as a parent.
This transformative experience led him to prioritize his family over everything else and develop a framework to safeguard his children from his own flaws. This framework, initially intended for personal use, turned out to be a powerful tool that had a positive impact on his family.
In this podcast, we discuss the importance of equipping oneself with certain frameworks of thinking to overcome personal flaws and limitations. It's not about the specific framework - you can develop your own or use other systems.
The key is to have a system in place. Join us as we navigate through this deeply personal story and explore the systems he developed for the wellbeing of his family:
1. [Connecting with Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/foundationsofconnection )
2. [Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids](https://www.huddlewisdom.com/practice)
Remember, no matter how daunting parenting may seem, you've got this. All you need is a system. Tune in to our podcast and embark on this enlightening journey with us. Thank you for listening.
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In this podcast episode, we delve into the rising rates of anxiety in children and explore strategies to counteract these challenges. We discuss the impact of technology, academic pressure, parenting styles, and social comparisons. Our focus is on fostering empathy, active listening, and emotional intelligence. We share practical tips for creating a safe space, promoting social connections, and teaching coping mechanisms. Join us as we empower parents, educators, and caregivers to support childrenâs mental well-being in todayâs dynamic world. đïžđ
To learn about Empathic Guidance for Anxious Kids go to www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
To make a contribution to the podcast go to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom
To learn about navigating emotional storms with empathy go to www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
Distress, waitlists and unmet needs: parentsâ reports of child psychological difficulties in Aotearoa New Zealand. Amy Kercher, Seona Beattie, Liesje Donkin, Daniel Shepherd. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Public Health. Volume 48, Issue 1, February 2024 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1326020023052974 -
Parenting is a journey filled with unique challenges, one of which is dealing with the silent treatment from our children. This can be a frustrating situation, but itâs important to remember that itâs not about us, even if it feels personal. Itâs about their emotionsâthey might be overwhelmed, frustrated, or misunderstood, possibly lacking the words to articulate their feelings.
A Simple Framework
Before we delve into the silent treatment specifically, letâs talk about a simple framework that can guide us in reacting to confounding behaviors in a helpful way. This framework is based on giving our children the benefit of the doubt and asking two questions:
Whatâs going on in the environment?What skills does my child need to deal with the environment?This framework wonât guarantee perfect solutions, but it will keep you in reasonably good stead when confronted with confusing behavior.
Understanding the Silent Treatment
When children give us the silent treatment, itâs crucial to recognize that thereâs something going on. They arenât just being difficult on purpose. Our instinct might be to confront or demand communication. However, a different approach, inspired by Dr. Gabor MatĂ©âs book âHold On To Your Kids,â could be to âwooâ our children back into conversation. âWooingâ isnât about bribing or cajoling; itâs about showing genuine interest in their lives, being patient, giving them space, and staying engaged. Itâs about being curious about their world, thoughts, and feelings.
Tips for Dealing with the Silent Treatment
Here are some more tips to help you navigate this challenging situation:
Stay calm and composed.Avoid reinforcing the behavior by giving in when your children are silent.Write to them.Show curiosity and express interest in them.Create a positive environment that encourages your children to talk.Donât pressure them to talk, as it might cause them to retreat further into silence.If you notice theyâre not responding, express your desire to understand why calmly.If the silent treatment is harmful, itâs important to set boundaries, especially when a response is required.Let your child know how their silence affects you using âIâ statements to avoid sounding accusatory.Sometimes, children need time to process their feelings. Let them know itâs okay to take a break from the conversation.If the silent treatment becomes a persistent issue, consider seeking professional help.Reflect on your availability and the time you spend on things that ultimately matter.Engage in games like âTwo Truths and a Lieâ or âWould You Ratherâ to foster communication in a fun way.Remember, these are just guidelines. For a deeper understanding of this topic, tune into episode 091 of the Parenting with Huddle Wisdom Podcast.
Thank you for joining us, and remember, parenting is a journey. Weâre all learning as we go. Until next time, keep being the amazing parent that you are.
SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER: Foundations of Emotional Connection Course
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ENROL HEREHold On To Your Kids is a groundbreaking book by Dr. Gabor MatĂ© and Dr. Gordon Neufeld that explores the importance of parental attachment in child development. It highlights how modern society often undermines parentsâ roles, leading children to look to their peers for direction, values, and identity. This âpeer orientationâ can lead to children becoming overly conformist, desensitized, and alienated. The book provides practical advice on how to âreattachâ to your children, establish the proper hierarchy in the home, and earn back your childrenâs loyalty and love.
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GET IT HERE(affiliate link)
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Parenting is a beautiful journey, but letâs face itâsometimes it feels like an uphill battle. Whether youâre dealing with tantrums, sleepless nights, or teenage rebellion, there are moments when you wonder if youâre equipped to handle it all. Fear not! Our episode today sheds light on essential principles and practical pillars that can be your guiding stars when the going gets tough.
Here is the link to the free video training about navigating emotional storms using the same frameworks.
CLICK BELOW and enter your email. I'll send you the video right away.
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
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As a parent, you want your kids to grow up to be confident, resilient, and successful. You want to challenge them to learn new skills, overcome obstacles, and pursue their goals. But you also want to protect them from unnecessary pressure, anxiety, and burnout. How do you find the right balance between pushing and pausing? How do you know when to encourage your kids to step out of their comfort zone and when to let them take a break?
That's what this podcast is all about. Whether you have a toddler, a teenager, or anything in between, you'll find this practical and insightful and hopefully inspires you to challenge your kids in the best possible way.
And...here's the video training for 'navigating emotional storms' and preventing them! âïž www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
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In this insightful podcast episode, we delve into the topic of parenting ruts. We discuss the âshacklesâ that hold parents back and the âslippery slopesâ or thinking errors that can lead us astray. We explore the barriers that parents often face and the phenomenon of the âtall poppy syndromeâ that can hinder progress. The episode emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision of where you want to go as a parent and setting small, realistic goals to get there. Tune in to discover strategies for breaking free from parenting ruts and fostering a more fulfilling parenting journey.
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To get greater clarity on how to reduce the regularity and intensity of meltdowns - watch the free training video here:
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
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Connecting or reconnecting with your children while they are in the middle of an emotional storm or meltdown is challenging, especially when your cup is near empty.
So is it possible to connect with them? Of course it is...but it's not easy.
The concepts we discuss will help, but like with most things in life worth doing, it's important to incorporate these practices into daily routine and structure. The benefits compounds over time.
Tune in.
* FREE training video here --> how do you make sense of an emotional storm (the beginning, middle and end) and how do you navigate them while keeping yourself and your relationships intact?!
CLICK HERE: www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
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If you're struggling to understand why our kids have meltdowns check this episode out. Working out the reasons why an emotional storm happens is part of the work but it's critical to understand so that we can address the frictional forces that produced the emotional storm in the first place.
If you want to dig deeper into how you navigate through an emotional storm then watch the on-demand Free training video here www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
For parents of sensitive kids who feel like they're walking on eggshells when they are trying to discipline them...enrol in the on-demand audio course here www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
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Sometimes it feels like life holds us to ransom. You no longer have to feel that way.
We make the hard choices and tough decisions for the betterment of our kids, but risk rupture in relationship too. If however, we know to return, reconnect and fix the rupture...this can turn a hard choice into opportunity for strengthening our relationships with our children!
Learn more inside this episode.
And as mentioned on the episode; here's the link to my FREE training material. The concepts you will learn will help parents find ways to connect and reconnect where there's been rupture in relationship.
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Learn how to praise your kids in a way that isn't contrived or cringey.
At the same time build their sense of agency without giving them an inflated ego or a need for constant approval.
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Read this before leaving work.
https://mentalhealth.bmj.com/content/25/3/117
In brief blanket strategies like mindfulness programs don't work for everyone.
Why?
Because if you fail to connect with someone first, your intervention won't be too flash
Learn to make strong connections here
FREE
www.huddlewisdom.com/connections
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Parenting children through their opposition and defiance can be tough because it pushes our buttons. It can be difficult not to take their resistance personally. But keep the following principles in mind and you'll find your efforts to discipline your children a little less challenging:
Here are the 5 themes:
- Connect first, fix second
- Parental self-regulation is important
- Don't forget to mind the environment
- Remember that children are not small adults (beware the curse of knowledge)
- Children are not pets (i know it sounds ridiculous to state this but it's not as silly as it sounds)
Learn more, enrol in our course - avoid power struggles and find more intuitive and less stressful ways to guide your young ones with the 'The Practice of Empathic Discipline' audio course here âĄïž WAYS TO EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE NOW!
To connect with Dr Davin Tan on Threads https://www.threads.net/@huddlewisdom
Check out the website for more resources www.huddlewisdom.com
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Sometimes we try to keep to the plan but life has it's own ideas.
How do we increase our chances of a plan working out in our favour in the face of changing circumstances?
Tune in here.
Waitlist for Foundations of Emotional Connection
www.huddlewisdom.com/foundations
Buy me a coffee if you want to support the show!
www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom
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School refusal is a hard problem for kids, parents and teachers. Failure is common.
Is there a mental model or approach we can adopt to deal with this? Join me for this week's episode and I think you might find it useful.
Link to get FREE framework for navigating emotional storms
Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
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Join us for another riveting episode as Davin drives home from work...trying to figure out what cognitive error sports parent Karens make. And what you can do to make sure you don't become one.
- Se mer
