Spilt
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Hello and thank you once again for joining us down at the crossroads for some music, magick, and Paganism. Where witches gather for the sabbath, offerings are made, pacts are signed for musical fame and we cross paths with today’s most influential Pagans, occultists, and deep thinkers. I am your bewitching, bald headed, host Chris Orapello and tonight Tara and I meet with author and Wiccan priestess Courtney Weber to discuss her new book Tarot for One as well as our time together at FaerieCon, the tarot deck she created Tarot of the Boroughs, along with some of the tips and tricks she’s learned over the years to running a coven. Courtney offers her insight into being a Priestess, her love of certain eighties movies, and further evidence that she’s not afraid to have a good time. This was a great discussion with Courtney as it was nice to speak with her for the first time since meeting at FaerieCon.
Courtney Weber is a Priestess, author, and activist. She is the author of "Brigid: History, Mystery, and Magick of the Celtic Goddess" and "Tarot for One: The Art of Reading for Yourself (both through Weiser Books)." She is the producer and designer of "Tarot of the Boroughs": A contemporary Tarot deck set in NYC, composed of original photography. Courtney is on the board of Solar Cross Temple. She lives in Manhattan with her husband and cats. www.thecocowitch.comFeatured Songs:
“Down to Sea” by Elephant Revival "Wolf an Dro” by Omnia “Maker of my Sorrow” by Eliza Rickman “Rootless” by S.J. Tucker “Sea Song” by The Owl Service “Bridge of Birds” by The Familiars “Movements in the Sky” by Church of the Cosmic Skull “Condemned to Fire” by G00dewyfeStores Mentioned:
Soul Journey The Mystic Dream Catland Books The Sacred Well Phoenix and Dragon MindBodySoul Yoga StudioOther Links Mentioned:
The Cocowitch.com FaerieCon The Slipper Room -
Julian Vayne is an occultist and the author of numerous books, essays, journals, and articles in both the academic and esoteric press. While his name is closely associated with chaos magic Julian is also an initiated Wiccan, member of the Kaula Nath lineage and Master Mason.
We talk magical traditions, self-transformation with psychedelic, religious history, and the nuances around cultural appropriation in the neo-shamanic and nonaboriginal cultures of the modern world. We also talk about different activities or games we can play while tripping to endow a greater sense of meaning in not only our psychedelic adventures but in our daily lives as well.
Full Show Notes at bit.ly/ATTMind55
Become My Patron On Patreon SUPPORT ONE-TIME (PayPal) Episode Breakdown Disambiguating "magic", "self-transformation", and "spirituality". The legitimacy of the recreational use of psychedelics. The root of, and dissociation from, ectasis in religious history. The herding of the mind. Neoshamanism and cultural appropriation. The principle of ceremony and how to make your own. Welding (chaos) magick to craft meaning in psychedelic experiences. The importance of PLAY!!! (and games to play while tripping). Differences/similarities between magick & Jungian depth psychology. -
My brain changed when I changed the way that I ate. Fat will stabilize your brain and it's a very nice thing; especially if you're subject to blood sugar swings and moods. - Anna Vocino
Have you ever found yourself obsessing over a food label by reading and analyzing every single ingredient listed on the package?
What ever happened to enjoying whole, nutritious meals that you can cook at home with simple ingredients like vegetables and meat? When did everything become so complicated?
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20% OFF ORGANIFI - USE CODE: WELLNESSFORCE
Join us on Wellness Force Radio 155 as mother, comedian, actor, voice over artist, best selling author of Eat Happy and the upcoming Eat Happy, Too, as well as the Co-Host of the top iTunes Health and Fitness podcast, Fitness Confidential with Vinnie Tortorich, Anna Vocino, shares how eating healthy can be enjoyable. Anna, who is Celiac and has been gluten free since 2002, discusses how she was able to begin following a healthy diet while also eating delicious foods to help heal her body and stay strong.
Discover why the phrase, "If you have your health, then you have everything," is true on so many levels. The weight loss will come, but if that's your only focus, then the real health benefits will be harder to find.
Eat Happy | Eat Happy Too by Anna VocinoEat Happy: Gluten Free, Grain Free, Low Carb Recipes Made from Real Foods For A Joyful Life
154 delicious grain-free, gluten-free recipes that are also free of any processed sugars. There are meats, fish, sides, soups, starters, casseroles, slow cooker recipes, breakfast dishes, and even desserts to satisfy any sweets craving you might have, all with virtually no sugar. If you are low carb, paleo, are wanting to keep autoimmune issues at bay, or just want to lose extra weight, Eat Happy gives you comfort food where you won’t miss the sugars or grains so your body and brain can feel happy from eating real foods.
In 2012, after almost ten years of being gluten free due to celiac, Anna Vocino found she was gaining weight faster than a tick on a labradoodle. Turns out the culprit wasn’t overeating or too much fat in the diet, but the pesky sugars and grains in all those gluten free comfort foods. When Anna sta
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Change is difficult and terrifying in general. To make a huge, dramatic shift in your life is terrifying because what you do is so based on your identity and that's probably the hardest part about that experience. There's more to it than just quitting a job and starting something new; it's about answering the question, "Who am I now?" It's all about the identity and the most difficult fear to overcome is regret. - Dr. Cortney Warren
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Doesn't it drive you crazy to not know why events, whether good or bad, happen in life?
Well, here's the answer: just don't even think about it because we don't know why things happen and we never will. It's actually better for us if we just accept something and move on by focusing on our present reality.
In Wellness Force Radio episode 177, Clinical Psychologist, Researcher, TEDx Talk Speaker, and Author of Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception, Dr. Cortney Warren will share why the only certainty in life is change, how to observe and accept yourself without judgement, and how you can develop the psychological strength to change your life despite feelings of fear.
By the end of this episode, you will be able to uncover which of your thoughts are actually lies in order to end self-deception once and for all.
When you are ready for change, you are ready to grow.
Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-DeceptionGet your copy of Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception by Dr. Cortney Warren.
Humans are excellent liars. We don’t like to think of ourselves as capable of lying; it hurts us too much to admit. So we lie to ourselves about that, too. As a clinical psychologist, I am regularly confronted with the brutal truth that we all lie. I am not talking about deliberate, bold-faced lying. No, this type of dishonesty is far harde
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Our thoughts are critical.
“If you realised just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” - Peace Pilgrim
The wrong types of thought, the negative thoughts that often come to mind throughout our day, can make you feel bad and stop you achieving our best.
So today we’re thinking about NATS.
And we don’t mean those pesky little insects that buzz around you and over your head when you’re enjoying a warm summer’s evening walk or drink outside the pub.
We’re talking Negative Affirming Thoughts (NATs for short).
And if you’re not recognising them, then they might just be preventing you living your fullest life now and getting in the way of you achieving your goals or making the changes you want in your life.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” - Eckhart Tolle
So today we want to look at the different varieties, or maybe we should say ‘species’ of NATs out there.
Because if you’re aware of them you’re more likely to recognise them and do something about them when you notice yourself thinking them. And sometimes just catching out that thought is enough to dissipate it or stop its influence on your behaviour.
Why are these thoughts affirming?You probable think of affirmations as something positive (like those we’ve talked about before) but affirmation just means affirming something, or making it firm, and this can be in a negative way just as much as in a positive way.
So with negative thoughts the danger is that you constantly reaffirm or reinforce them until they become the way you think and then get in the way of you doing what you want to do.
In his book, Change your Brain, Change your Body Dr Daniel G. Amen puts forward 9 types of negative thought (that he calls ANTs – automatic negative thoughts).
David Burns, in Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, outlines 10 common mistakes in thinking, or thinking errors he calls cognitive distortions.
NLP has a similar concept so we decided to roll them all into one bundle and somehow we’ve ended up with 11!
So here’s all 11, how you can spot them and then swat the little beggars!
So go on, see if you’re thinking these thoughts and learn how to stop them before they take a hold (you know you want to!)
The 11 Negative Thoughts1. All or nothing thoughts
This is when you think some is all good or all bad, all black or all white.
You miss a day on your diet - you think you have no self-control and give up.
You’ve given up smoking and then had a quick puff? Immediately you tell yourself “I can’t do this no-smoking malarkey, I just can’t quit!”
It’s all or nothing with you and if you’ve set yourself an aim of doing something, in your eyes you’ve failed.
Swatting those NATs:Recognise, one slip up doesn’t mean you’ve given up; it means just that – you’ve had one slip up.
2. ‘Always’ thinking – overgeneralization
Always thinking or overgeneralizing is typically accompanied by words such as always, never, every time, or everyone.
“You never have any respect for my feelings” or “Every time I ask you to do something you always say you’re too busy!” or indeed “I always mess up!”
This kind of thinking makes you feel as if you’ve no control over your actions – and as such it’s disempowering.
Swatting those NATs:Ask yourself. Does this always happen, every single time? Really? If not then recognise you’re overgeneralizing. Say to yourself – just because one event happened, doesn’t necessarily mean I am permanently this way of being.
3. Focussing on the negative
NAT number 3 sees only the negative in life, even when the positive is staring you in the face. It’s like you have a mental filter that mostly focuses on the negative or upsetting aspects whilst ignoring massive positives.
“I set myself a task of losing 10 pounds this month, and I’ve only lost five. I’m a failure.”
Focussing on the negative makes you more inclined to give up.
Swatting those NATs: Put a positive spin on your thoughts. “Wow, 5 pounds weight loss, my goal is getting ever nearer.” This encourages you to keep going and makes you feel better about yourself.Learn to look for the silver lining in every cloud and count your positives rather than your negatives – in other words look for the positives in situations.
4. Thinking with your feelings or emotional reasoning
“I feel like I’m never going to get to grips with my bad back.”
Here thoughts occur when you have a feeling about something. You assume it’s correct and never question it.This species of NAT mixes up and confuses feelings and facts – which leads you to make decisions based on how you feel rather than objective reality.
It’s important here to recognise that feelings can lie.
Swatting those NATs:Look for evidence to see if it’s really true. If you feel you’re never going to get a grip with your bad back, then book an appointment with you doctor or physio to see if there’s anything that can be done about it.
5. Disqualifying the Positive
This involves always shooting down good or positive experiences for no real reason – so you can keep a negative belief even though the evidence points to the opposite. It’s as if the good stuff doesn’t count because everything else is bad about your life.
Swatting those NATs:
Think about what does count and why.
Learn to accept compliments by just saying ‘thank you’ (so when someone compliments you on your new shoes just say thanks instead of – well they were only cheap, or I got them in the sale)
Or try bigging yourself up – or bolster your view of yourself by listing your good qualities, skills and accomplishments.
6. The Guilt Trip or ‘should-ing’
Spotting this one is a cinch. You’re thinking in words like ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘ought to’ and ‘have to’.
“I really should get this job done” or “I feel like watching TV, but I ought tobe doing my gym workout.”
Here you’re using guilt to control your behaviour. And guess what? When you feel obliged to do something, you rebel against it!
Swatting those NATs: Although guilt isn’t all bad, don’t use excessive guilt to control your behaviour.Try asking yourself questions like - what is stopping me doing this, or what rule says I should, or simply ask ‘why should I?’ Another technique is to use ‘could’ instead of ‘should’.
7. Labelling and mislabelling
Ever guilty of labelling yourself in some way? Of explaining your behaviours by labelling it?
“I’m useless at maths.” “I’m such a loser.”There’s an error in logic going on here, where you make a leap from a behaviour or action to an identity, so the identity is determined by the behaviour.
Guess what? If you’ve given yourself an all-embracing label it takes away your control over your actions and behaviour. Now although this might be a good excuse for lack of action on occasions it’s also taking away your control and self-efficacy – which is never a good idea.
Swatting those NATs:Ok, so you may not be very good at maths at the moment, but you can’t just give up before you’ve even tried. That’s just defeatist. You didn’t say when you were a child “I tried walking once and I was useless at it.” You didn’t, did you? OMG!
8. Magnification and Minimisation
This is where you magnify or exaggerate the negatives and minimise or understate the positives – people often do this to themselves.
I can also be where you catastrophise – or jump ahead to the worst possible outcome, expecting the worst case scenario to actually happen. Or thinking that a situation is unbearable when it’s just unpleasant; like when you think ‘I can’t stand this.’
Swatting those NATs:
Ask yourself what would happen if you did stand this.
Examine exactly how something is so bad – and compared to what.
9. Fortune telling – jumping to conclusions
Here you predict the worst, even though you don’t actually know what will happen. You’re anticipating things will turn out badly, as if your prediction is already a fact.
“Whenever I try to give up smoking, I end up giving up!”
Fortune telling thinking can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e. it becomes true.
Swatting those NATs:Talk back to those thoughts. Ask how you know it will turn out this way. Say - Ah, that’s fortune telling thinking – and tell yourself it doesn’t always have to end that way.
10.Mind reading
Another form that jumping to conclusions takes is when you think you know what someone else is thinking even though they haven’t told you.
“She’s looking at me strangely, she must think I’m stupid” or “He’s looking at my tummy, he must think I’m fat.”
A chance look from someone doesn’t mean they’re judging you. She/he could like you, or noticed that you’ve spilt something on your top!
Swatting those NATs: It ain’t true unless someone actually tells you that’s what they’re thinking. Examine the evidence – check out the facts and if in doubt ask.And how about letting go of a need for approval because you can’t please everyone all the time. As to thinking about you, the truth is most people are too busy thinking about themselves to think about you.
11.Blame -
In the blame game you blame yourself for situations and others behaviours that are not necessarily directly connected.
So for example, your son’s doing badly at school so you think you must be a bad mother.
Or you might find yourself saying “I can’t diet because you never support me” or “It’s your fault I’m in this situation.”Blaming others for your own problems and not taking responsibility for your actions is toxic and disempowering.
Swatting those NATs:When you find yourself blaming yourself ask how much of this problem is really your responsibility.
And quit blaming others and take responsibility for your actions. If you are smoking, it’s because you choose to and equally, you can choose to quit! Empowering, isn’t it?
And finally.
Remember, recognising negative affirming thought patterns is the first step in learning to change them.
Changeability Podcast – Episode 39Here us talk about all of this and more in episode 39 of the Changeability Podcast. Listen by clicking above or subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Stitcher.
Resources and links mentioned in Episode 39Affirmations episodesEpisode 19 – Affirmations to manage your mindEpisode 18 – How to make affirmations workEpisode 17 – The what, why and how of positive affirmationsThe soundtrack in your head – beliefs and mindsetDr D. Amen - Change your brain, Change your bodyDavid Burns, M.D. - Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy -
If you’ve ever wanted great change or more success in your life, then do we have the Willpower Doesn’t Work show for you!
Today I’ll be talking with Benjamin Hardy, PhD, since 2015, the #1 writer on Medium.com and soon to be the New York Times best-selling author of a must-read book that has absolutely blown me away, Willpower Doesn’t Work.
And that’s just what I want to talk with him about today, about the Hidden Keys to success and how to change your environment to change your life!
Willpower Doesn’t Work Self-Improvement & Self-Help Topics Include:
What happened to Benjamin Hardy growing up? What did World of Warcraft Little Caesars and Mountain Dew have to do with anything??? How’d a switch flip in his life? How’d he end up in a PhD program without even applying? What did Nate Lambert have to do with his success? What’s the importance of a mentor? How did foster kids help his career take off? What’s the importance of your “why”? What’s the importance of learning from the best? Why doesn’t will-power work? What did he learn from adopting 3 foster kids? What’s the importance of sleep? And the importance of a night-time routine? And the importance of a morning routine? And the importance of journaling or automatic writing??? What is our environment? What’s the importance of the people in our lives? What’s the importance of making ourselves uncomfortable? What’s the power of presence and why is it so important? What can we learn from Ellen Langer about mindfulness? What is a true commitment and hwy’s it so important? How can we design an environment to propel us toward our dreams? What can we learn from the purchase of a tesla? To find out more and find out how to win a tesla visit WillpowerDoesntWork.comBenjamin Hardy, PhD on Why Willpower Doesn't Work & the Hidden Keys to Success!!! Health | Inspiration | Business | Career | Spiritual | Spirituality | Meditation | Mindfulness | Inspirational | Motivational | Self-Improvement | Self-Help | Inspire
For More Info Visit: www.InspireNationShow.com
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It’s all very well knowing we should love ourselves but how do we do it? Find out how with these 10 ways to build the self-love habit.
‘To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.’ Oscar Wilde
What a lovely quote from the unique and fantastically brilliant Oscar Wilde but
what did you think when you read it?
Did you think that’s a clever little quip, or it’s a bit over the top or fanciful?
Maybe you think it’s narcissistic or you haven’t thought of loving yourself as a romance with yourself.
Whatever thoughts came to mind are an indication of your view towards you and self-love.
Self-love is an inner love and acceptance of who we are and how we are.
Last week we talked about what self-love is and why we all need it, in our blog posts and on the Changeability Podcast (episode 81). We looked at 6 ways or clues that show us we’re not being loving towards our self.
We understand what self-love is and why it’s good for us, we’re looking out for those times we’re not being self-loving, but how do we go from the ways we tend to behave where we’re not being loving to ourselves, to growing our self-love until it becomes the norm or a habit.
10 ways you can build a self-love habit for yourselfChoose yourselfGive yourself permission to do what you want. Don’t wait for others to give you permission. You might think this doesn’t apply to you, but ask yourself if there’s anything you want to do in your life or at work where you’re waiting for someone else’s permission to do it. You might not have realised it before, but tacitly you’re waiting.
It can be more explicit or obvious in our close relationships. You seek someone’s permission before starting something new or maybe even to go out.
This isn’t about not caring about what your family, partner, boss or colleagues think. It’s about not holding back from being who you want to be or doing want you want to do because you’re scared or reluctant to ask or because you think you need someone’s permission. When often it’s an excuse for procrastination and you don’t need that permission at all – you only need your own permission. So give it to yourself.
Create ‘You time’ and use itNeglecting your own needs was one of the key signs for not loving yourself and this is the antidote. Make space in your life for you.
One practical way to do this is to make time for you. Carve out your own personal time to do something that pleases or excites you, or enhances you or your skills in or just makes you feel better.
This is a time when you put yourself first.
This doesn’t mean you don’t look after children or do your job well, but it does mean there is a time when you’re not putting other first.
When you create ‘you time’ you become a better parent, wife etc. You set a great example to your family and colleagues of one of the ways of being an effective person, and send a strong message that you matter and want to be treated as if you matter.
You matter enough to yourself to spend time on yourself and tend to your own needs and desires and they need to respect that. And they will respect that – even it it takes a little while to get you and them into the swing of it.
If you find this an uncomfortable prospect, ask yourself if rushing around, doing lots of things for others, however worthy, is feeding an underlying limiting belief (like I need to be busy or look after everyone else to be valued) or is it because you really want to do it.
Be realistic and double it.Unless we’re talking about SMART goals you don’t normally hear us talk about being realistic. However, we’re not talking about a lack of ambition or not having big dreams or goals; this is about being realistic about what you can achieve in a given timescale.
Or to put it another way – don’t overstretch yourself or take on too much.
One of the times we hear our inner critical voice is when we get impatient or cross with ourselves that something’s taking us too long or we’re not as far along with a project as we think we should be.
When you find yourself signing up for something, whether for you or someone else, stop and ask yourself Am I being realistic here? Can I really get this done in this time or am I expecting too much of myself What will be the price of doing it in this timescale – will I have to stay up all night to finish it or will something else I really want to do suffer?However long you think something is going to take – double it! Or even triple or quadruple it depending on the sort of person you are. This is about self-knowledge.
Basically don’t give yourself so many things to do. Don’t think you can fit in ten things before you go out for that appointment when you’ve only got tine for two – you’ll either fall short and be disappointed with yourself or be late!
Examine your beliefs around being busy and time. Is your time something to be used or enjoyed? Do you feel that you have to be rushing around filling up every moment in order to be valued? Because let us tell you - you don’t.
Learn to say noThis fits with the above three and is one very practical way to help you accomplish them – to choose you, create and use your time and curb your expectations of yourself.
Learning to say no is a very practical skill.
You learn it by doing it – but there are a couple of techniques to help you.
If you’re the a person whose automatic reaction is to say yes, then you want to break that automatic response – which is a habit.
One easy way to do this is to buy yourself some time .This doesn’t mean you won’t say yes to a request, but that you will not automatically say yes – without thinking about it.
To give yourself some time say ‘I’ll get back to you’ (if you might need a little while) or say ‘I’ll go and check my diary or calendar’. This gives you the option to think about it and obviously see if you have something on or not.
But it’s not just about if you are free, but if you actually want to say yes or not. Don’t just say yes because you’re free.
You can even practice saying no. Start with very small things, or when it doesn’t really matter. Once you’ve done it a few times it will get easier and you wont feel you’re letting people down.
Watch out for being a people pleaser and thinking that people will only like you if you say yes.
Be kind and gentle on yourselfMuch of the time we can be quite hard on ourselves – I should have done this or why didn’t I do that or can I do more or why didn’t I achieve that or why did I fail to reach that goal. This is not self-love and can be rectified by being kind and gentle on yourself.
Do you sometimes expect more from yourself than you do from other people? We often have higher expectations and standards of ourselves than we do of others.
But if you want to love yourself more - then accept you’re not perfect, and life will be a lot easier.
Perfectionism is a scourge and one to be avoided or downgraded. Doing a good job is great but there comes a point where it tips over into more than good enough to the detriment of you and your performance.
So be kind to you. Be gentle. Give yourself a break – both physically, in real terms but also figuratively speaking.
Calm your inner criticYour inner critic is never going to go away completely and that’s a good thing. It’s helping you stay safe and keeping you on your toes or on track, pointing out when something could be improved or isn’t helping you – but it can also be detrimental to your happiness and to loving yourself.
So accept your inner critic for what it is. An inner voice trying it’s best to help you out – albeit in a often misguided way. It is working from the confines of its experience of you and the world and that’s not your inner critics fault, it’s just a matter of fact. So you need to help it to see where it’s not helping you and retrain it to be more supportive and helpful.
Accept that your inner voice and critic is a part of you. And loving yourself also means loving this inner voice but that doesn’t mean that you need to accept everything it says or let it stop you making the changes you want in your life.
Be aware of it, listen to what it’s saying but don’t accept it as the truth. Examine it and take notice where it’s helpful or overrule it where it’s not.
You can even talk to your inner critic – ask it why it feels like that, thank it for it’s observations and opinions, answer back by suggesting ways in which you can modify your behaviour.
Sometimes it will be telling you the truth, maybe an uncomfortable truth, But often it’s reflecting the results of the experiences you’ve had throughout your life – particularly in your formative years. This experience might have left you thinking you’re not good enough in some way, or your behaviour is inappropriate or you’re veering into new and therefore dangerous territory.
Listen out for your inner critic, acknowledge it, see what’s underneath it, accept it, deal with it, negotiate or quieten and calm it. One of the best ways to raise your awareness and calm and quieten it is through our next suggestion.
Be mindfulOne of the ways to address, put into practice and tick off the things we’ve talked about so far, is to be mindful and practice a simple form of meditation.
Because when you meditate you put yourself first – you are with yourself in that very moment – your mind might be thinking about a million things but you bring it back to the present moment and are aware of you.
This is your time – so you’re taking or creating some ‘you time’.
And you’re setting a specific time – however small that might be – to use for yourself and be realistic about it.
In that time during your meditation you’re bringing a calm awareness to yourself and what’s going on in you (including your inner voice) and around you at that time.
Find your energyLook for what energises you. If you don’t know, search for it, find it and do it.
It might be something creative like drawing, painting, writing or speaking.
It might be something physical like playing a sport, swimming, dancing or walking – it might be taxing but could be gentle and be about getting your body moving or getting out in nature.
It might be something that gets your adrenaline pumping or where you get lost in the zone. For us it’s singing and being on stage – it’s thrilling and nerve wracking and fun and challenging and all those things – it’s not always a pleasant feeling but is ultimately energising.
That’s what you’re looking for - something for you that makes you feel alive
Develop yourselfThis incorporates making time for yourself and choosing yourself or putting your self first (not all the time but some of the time) and takes it a step further by taking a positive decision to develop yourself.
Congratulations because you could say that by reading this or listening to our personal development podcast you are doing this right now.
Developing yourself involves leaning a new skill or changing something you don’t like about you or your life or improve yourself. It takes effort but the effort is worth it – because by spending effort on yourself you show yourself that:
you are worth spending time onyou’re worth developingyou deserve to improveor change things for the betteror do things that are going to ultimately make you happier and more fulfilled.One of the keys to personal development is getting clear about what you want and then finding the best way to achieve it – and that means setting clear goals around what you want to achieve for yourself (and of course for your family and friends and community). There’s nothing more self-affirming than achieving something that means a lot to you.
So self-love means developing yourself – and at BrilliantLivingHQ.com you’re in the right place to do that. And we have something coming up soon if you want a systemised supported way of doing that – you find out more here.
Know you are enough – and believe itKnowing you are enough is the start, and it’s a great start, but it’s one thing to know it intellectually and another to believe it.
That means taking it to the next level. The things we’ve been talking about will help you to know it – and as you make them part of your life you will come to believe it.
Because creating and building a self-love habit like any habit requires thought and action and repeated action until it becomes an automatic way of thinking and behaving.
And one of the best ways to accelerate this process of building a self-love habit is to use self-love rituals to implant the thinking and behaving.
But that’s for next week!
Episode 82 of the Changeability PodcastListen to episode 82 of the Changeability Podcast to hear us talking about all of this and more.
And if you like the show please let us know by email at [email protected] and by leaving a review on iTunes – we love reading them!
Goals challengeIf there’s somethine you know you’d like to change in your life then you’ll want to know about our forthcoming goals challenge! We’ll be sharing more about this soon but just want to let you know that if you want to be involved in the first group (and you surely do!) – you can sign up at BrilliantLivingHQ.com/goals to get on the list. We’ll send out more details when we have everything finalised. But it’s going to be exciting – or we’re excited anyway!
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‘Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.’ William Shakespeare, Henry V
Last week we were celebrating love and Valentines, which inevitably led to thoughts of romance and different types of love.
But despite a lot of talk of love everywhere – from card shops to films to books and the media – we see evidence of a lack of love all around us. That lack of love is not only evident in the terrible things we hear on the news, but also in something closer to home. And that’s the love we have for ourselves – or self-love.
What is self-love?What are we talking about when we talk about self-love or loving yourself?
A good place to start is by saying what it’s not.
It’s not about being selfish or self-centred – even though it’s easy to jump to this conclusion when we talk about loving ourselves.
And it’s not about showing off or having an over-inflated ego or sense of self.
Nor is self-love about being narcissistic. In fact narcissism is the opposite of self-love because we’re seeking approval of ourselves, as this quote from Emily Levine illustrates:
‘I am a recovering narcissist. I thought narcissism was about self-love till someone told me there is a flip side to it. It is actually drearier than self-love; it is unrequited self-love’. Emily Levine
So that’s what it’s not – but what is it?
Self-love is about our ability to deal with and cater to our own needs and desires. It’s about having a healthy view and sense of our self.
It’s tied up with our sense of self-esteem, self-worth and confidence in ourselves.
Yet how often we don’t love and respect ourselves.
6 ways we don’t love ourselvesWhat does it look like when we don’t love ourselves? Here are 6 tell tell signs to look out for, clues that indicate you’re not being loving towards yourself.
Negative and derogatory self-talkThis is the inner dialogue that goes on in our mind. For example:
I can’t or I couldn’t do that
I’ve never been any good at…
Why would they want to hear what I’ve got to say…
They wont be interested in me
I’m not clever enough to…
Stupid man …. Why am I so silly or stupid (one of Julian’s favourites)
I feel disappointed in myself that….(one of Kathryn’s favourites!)
Being Critical and impatientIt’s not just what we say to ourselves but also what we say out loud and in front of others, including when we put ourselves down in front of others.
This is where you’re critical of yourself e.g. ‘why can’t I do that’, or where you’re impatient with yourself for getting something wrong or with how long it’s taking you to get something right.
Think about when we’re learning something new. It might be a new or complicated skill like playing a musical instrument, so of course we’re not going to pick it up straight away. But still we somehow think we should be able to do it much quicker than we realistically can.
We’re impatient, as if it’s some defect or lack in us that’s the cause of our slowness. We get frustrated or even angry - when really it’s our expectations that are unrealistic.
The same goes for when it takes long time to do a task or our work. Impatience or criticism creeps in and we question why we can’t focus more or why’s it taking so long to get it done.
These are the signs of being hard on yourself that we both recognise only too well!
We don’t look after ourselvesOne of the classic signs of a lack of self-love is when we don’t look after ourselves physically. We might show a blatant disregard for our health and what we put into our bodies or what we do with our bodies, such as indulging in risky or dangerous behaviour.
When you love someone you want the best for them. Yet many of us fill our bodies with food and drink that’s no good for it and harmful in the long run. Is it we don’t love ourselves enough to give us the best we can, or is the quick reward of eating something we like the taste of, more appealing?
It’s a complex subject and might not apply to you – but it’s worth thinking about what you eat and if you’re being loving to yourself. Or is that little something you call a treat and reward, really the opposite?
Neglecting your needsThis applies to you if you run around looking after everyone else whilst neglecting your own needs. Many parents will relate to this. Of course most people love looking after their children and doing things for their family, friends and community but there is a point at which it becomes about everyone else - which is fine until you find yourself neglecting your own needs.
Another form of neglecting your needs is when you live how others think you should live rather than following your own dreams and aspirations.
ShameSometimes shame gets in the way of loving our self.
You might shame yourself about the decisions you make or have made in the past. Or you try to hide something from your past because you think it puts you in a bad light or you regret it. But you might also try to hide parts of you from those around you because you’re ashamed or don’t like some aspect of yourself. Maybe you’re afraid they wont like you if they were aware of it, or you fear opening up the whole you will make you vulnerable to getting hurt.
Lack of self-worthThese are examples of when we exhibit behaviour and characters lacking in self-love, but they also describe a lack of self-worth.
This is when people don’t consider themselves worthy or deserving of looking after or nurturing themselves, because or an underlying, possibly unrecognised, sense that they don’t think they’re worth it.
But they are worth it – we’re all worth it. We need to think of ourselves in loving ways and to feel and experience that self-love. Not in a selfish way but because self-love is good for us, our families and society.
What to do nextBe on the look out for how you do or don’t love yourself, especially those signs of when you’re not being loving towards yourself like your inner voice and critic.
Catch it out and if you’re serious about this make a note of it. Write down the thought or word or action and the time and date. This will help you in two ways:
It will help you to look out for when you’re not being loving to yourself by raising your awareness of how and when you do it.If you do this practical action and note the date and very importantly the time, you might be able to detect a pattern. So does it happen when you’re tired or stressed or when you’re around particular people or a specific situation or you’re doing a particular activity, like learning or practicing something.In case you’re worried about being selfish, it’s not selfish to look after yourself, or want to change yourself and your situation.
The fact is we have more to offer others when we care for ourselves first. Love starts with you. Improve your life and you’ll improve the lives of those around you and have more love to give.
Episode 81 of the Changeability PodcastIn episode 81 of the Changeability we discuss all these aspects of self-love and more. You can listen now either on this page or on iTunes, Sticher or TuneIn.
If you enjoy listening to the podcast you can subscribe to it from here or your phone and get each episode downloaded automatically.
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Deity and Reality(1152.1) 105:0.1 TO EVEN high orders of universe intelligences infinity is only partially comprehensible, and the finality of reality is only relatively understandable. The human mind, as it seeks to penetrate the eternity-mystery of the origin and destiny of all that is called real, may helpfully approach the problem by conceiving eternity-infinity as an almost limitless ellipse which is produced by one absolute cause, and which functions throughout this universal circle of endless diversification, ever seeking some absolute and infinite potential of destiny.(1152.2) 105:0.2 When the mortal intellect attempts to grasp the concept of reality totality, such a finite mind is face to face with infinity-reality; reality totality is infinity and therefore can never be fully comprehended by any mind that is subinfinite in concept capacity.(1152.3) 105:0.3 The human mind can hardly form an adequate concept of eternity existences, and without such comprehension it is impossible to portray even our concepts of reality totality. Nevertheless, we may attempt such a presentation, although we are fully aware that our concepts must be subjected to profound distortion in the process of translation-modification to the comprehension level of mortal mind.1. The Philosophic Concept of the I AM(1152.4) 105:1.1 Absolute primal causation in infinity the philosophers of the universes attribute to the Universal Father functioning as the infinite, the eternal, and the absolute I AM.(1152.5) 105:1.2 There are many elements of danger attendant upon the presentation to the mortal intellect of this idea of an infinite I AM since this concept is so remote from human experiential understanding as to involve serious distortion of meanings and misconception of values. Nevertheless, the philosophic concept of the I AM does afford finite beings some basis for an attempted approach to the partial comprehension of absolute origins and infinite destinies. But in all our attempts to elucidate the genesis and fruition of reality, let it be made clear that this concept of the I AM is, in all personality meanings and values, synonymous with the First Person of Deity, the Universal Father of all personalities. But this postulate of the I AM is not so clearly identifiable in undeified realms of universal reality.(1152.6) 105:1.3 The I AM is the Infinite; the I AM is also infinity. From the sequential, time viewpoint, all reality has its origin in the infinite I AM, whose solitary existence in past infinite eternity must be a finite creature’s premier philosophic postulate. The concept of the I AM connotes unqualified infinity, the undifferentiated reality of all that could ever be in all of an infinite eternity.(1153.1) 105:1.4 As an existential concept the I AM is neither deified nor undeified, neither actual nor potential, neither personal nor impersonal, neither static nor dynamic. No qualification can be applied to the Infinite except to state that the I AM is. The philosophic postulate of the I AM is one universe concept which is somewhat more difficult of comprehension than that of the Unqualified Absolute.(1153.2) 105:1.5 To the finite mind there simply must be a beginning, and though there never was a real beginning to reality, still there are certain source relationships which reality manifests to infinity. The prereality, primordial, eternity situation may be thought of something like this: At some infinitely distant, hypothetical, past-eternity moment, the I AM may be conceived as both thing and no thing, as both cause and effect, as both volition and response. At this hypothetical eternity moment there is no differentiation throughout all infinity. Infinity is filled by the Infinite; the Infinite encompasses infinity. This is the hypothetical static moment of eternity; actuals are still contained within their potentials, and potentials have not yet appeared within the infinity of the I AM. But even in this conjectured situation we must assume the existence of the possibility of self-will.(1153.3) 105:1.6 Ever remember that man’s comprehension of the Universal Father is a personal experience. God, as your spiritual Father, is comprehensible to you and to all other mortals; but your experiential worshipful concept of the Universal Father must always be less than your philosophic postulate of the infinity of the First Source and Center, the I AM. When we speak of the Father, we mean God as he is understandable by his creatures both high and low, but there is much more of Deity which is not comprehensible to universe creatures. God, your Father and my Father, is that phase of the Infinite which we perceive in our personalities as an actual experiential reality, but the I AM ever remains as our hypothesis of all that we feel is unknowable of the First Source and Center. And even that hypothesis probably falls far short of the unfathomed infinity of original reality.(1153.4) 105:1.7 The universe of universes, with its innumerable host of inhabiting personalities, is a vast and complex organism, but the First Source and Center is infinitely more complex than the universes and personalities which have become real in response to his willful mandates. When you stand in awe of the magnitude of the master universe, pause to consider that even this inconceivable creation can be no more than a partial revelation of the Infinite.(1153.5) 105:1.8 Infinity is indeed remote from the experience level of mortal comprehension, but even in this age on Urantia your concepts of infinity are growing, and they will continue to grow throughout your endless careers stretching onward into future eternity. Unqualified infinity is meaningless to the finite creature, but infinity is capable of self-limitation and is susceptible of reality expression to all levels of universe existences. And the face which the Infinite turns toward all universe personalities is the face of a Father, the Universal Father of love.2. The I AM as Triune and as Sevenfold(1153.6) 105:2.1 In considering the genesis of reality, ever bear in mind that all absolute reality is from eternity and is without beginning of existence. By absolute reality we refer to the three existential persons of Deity, the Isle of Paradise, and the three Absolutes. These seven realities are co-ordinately eternal, notwithstanding that we resort to time-space language in presenting their sequential origins to human beings.(1154.1) 105:2.2 In following the chronological portrayal of the origins of reality, there must be a postulated theoretical moment of “first” volitional expression and “first” repercussional reaction within the I AM. In our attempts to portray the genesis and generation of reality, this stage may be conceived as the self-differentiation of The Infinite One from The Infinitude, but the postulation of this dual relationship must always be expanded to a triune conception by the recognition of the eternal continuum of The Infinity, the I AM.(1154.2) 105:2.3 This self-metamorphosis of the I AM culminates in the multiple differentiation of deified reality and of undeified reality, of potential and actual reality, and of certain other realities that can hardly be so classified. These differentiations of the theoretical monistic I AM are eternally integrated by simultaneous relationships arising within the same I AM — the prepotential, preactual, prepersonal, monothetic prereality which, though infinite, is revealed as absolute in the presence of the First Source and Center and as personality in the limitless love of the Universal Father.(1154.3) 105:2.4 By these internal metamorphoses the I AM is establishing the basis for a sevenfold self-relationship. The philosophic (time) concept of the solitary I AM and the transitional (time) concept of the I AM as triune can now be enlarged to encompass the I AM as sevenfold. This sevenfold — or seven phase — nature may be best suggested in relation to the Seven Absolutes of Infinity:(1154.4) 105:2.5 1. The Universal Father. I AM father of the Eternal Son. This is the primal personality relationship of actualities. The absolute personality of the Son makes absolute the fact of God’s fatherhood and establishes the potential sonship of all personalities. This relationship establishes the personality of the Infinite and consummates its spiritual revelation in the personality of the Original Son. This phase of the I AM is partially experiencible on spiritual levels even by mortals who, while yet in the flesh, may worship our Father.(1154.5) 105:2.6 2. The Universal Controller. I AM cause of eternal Paradise. This is the primal impersonal relationship of actualities, the original nonspiritual association. The Universal Father is God-as-love; the Universal Controller is God-as-pattern. This relationship establishes the potential of form — configuration — and determines the master pattern of impersonal and nonspiritual relationship — the master pattern from which all copies are made.(1154.6) 105:2.7 3. The Universal Creator. I AM one with the Eternal Son. This union of the Father and the Son (in the presence of Paradise) initiates the creative cycle, which is consummated in the appearance of conjoint personality and the eternal universe. From the finite mortal’s viewpoint, reality has its true beginnings with the eternity appearance of the Havona creation. This creative act of Deity is by and through the God of Action, who is in essence the unity of the Father-Son manifested on and to all levels of the actual. Therefore is divine creativity unfailingly characterized by unity, and this unity is the outward reflection of the absolute oneness of the duality of the Father-Son and of the Trinity of the Father-Son-Spirit.(1155.1) 105:2.8 4. The Infinite Upholder. I AM self-associative. This is the primordial association of the statics and potentials of reality. In this relationship, all qualifieds and unqualifieds are compensated. This phase of the I AM is best understood as the Universal Absolute — the unifier of the Deity and the Unqualified Absolutes.(1155.2) 105:2.9 5. The Infinite Potential. I AM self-qualified. This is the infinity bench mark bearing eternal witness to the volitional self-limitation of the I AM by virtue of which there was achieved threefold self-expression and self-revelation. This phase of the I AM is usually understood as the Deity Absolute.(1155.3) 105:2.10 6. The Infinite Capacity. I AM static-reactive. This is the endless matrix, the possibility for all future cosmic expansion. This phase of the I AM is perhaps best conceived as the supergravity presence of the Unqualified Absolute.(1155.4) 105:2.11 7. The Universal One of Infinity. I AM as I AM. This is the stasis or self-relationship of Infinity, the eternal fact of infinity-reality and the universal truth of reality-infinity. In so far as this relationship is discernible as personality, it is revealed to the universes in the divine Father of all personality — even of absolute personality. In so far as this relationship is impersonally expressible, it is contacted by the universe as the absolute coherence of pure energy and of pure spirit in the presence of the Universal Father. In so far as this relationship is conceivable as an absolute, it is revealed in the primacy of the First Source and Center; in him we all live and move and have our being, from the creatures of space to the citizens of Paradise; and this is just as true of the master universe as of the infinitesimal ultimaton, just as true of what is to be as of that which is and of what has been.3. The Seven Absolutes of Infinity(1155.5) 105:3.1 The seven prime relationships within the I AM eternalize as the Seven Absolutes of Infinity. But though we may portray reality origins and infinity differentiation by a sequential narrative, in fact all seven Absolutes are unqualifiedly and co-ordinately eternal. It may be necessary for mortal minds to conceive of their beginnings, but always should this conception be overshadowed by the realization that the seven Absolutes had no beginning; they are eternal and as such have always been. The seven Absolutes are the premise of reality. They have been described in these papers as follows:(1155.6) 105:3.2 1. The First Source and Center. First Person of Deity and primal nondeity pattern, God, the Universal Father, creator, controller, and upholder; universal love, eternal spirit, and infinite energy; potential of all potentials and source of all actuals; stability of all statics and dynamism of all change; source of pattern and Father of persons. Collectively, all seven Absolutes equivalate to infinity, but the Universal Father himself actually is infinite.(1155.7) 105:3.3 2. The Second Source and Center. Second Person of Deity, the Eternal and Original Son; the absolute personality realities of the I AM and the basis for the realization-revelation of “I AM personality.” No personality can hope to attain the Universal Father except through his Eternal Son; neither can personality attain to spirit levels of existence apart from the action and aid of this absolute pattern for all personalities. In the Second Source and Center spirit is unqualified while personality is absolute.(1156.1) 105:3.4 3. The Paradise Source and Center. Second nondeity pattern, the eternal Isle of Paradise; the basis for the realization-revelation of “I AM force” and the foundation for the establishment of gravity control throughout the universes. Regarding all actualized, nonspiritual, impersonal, and nonvolitional reality, Paradise is the absolute of patterns. Just as spirit energy is related to the Universal Father through the absolute personality of the Mother-Son, so is all cosmic energy grasped in the gravity control of the First Source and Center through the absolute pattern of the Paradise Isle. Paradise is not in space; space exists relative to Paradise, and the chronicity of motion is determined through Paradise relationship. The eternal Isle is absolutely at rest; all other organized and organizing energy is in eternal motion; in all space, only the presence of the Unqualified Absolute is quiescent, and the Unqualified is co-ordinate with Paradise. Paradise exists at the focus of space, the Unqualified pervades it, and all relative existence has its being within this domain.(1156.2) 105:3.5 4. The Third Source and Center. Third Person of Deity, the Conjoint Actor; infinite integrator of Paradise cosmic energies with the spirit energies of the Eternal Son; perfect co-ordinator of the motives of will and the mechanics of force; unifier of all actual and actualizing reality. Through the ministrations of his manifold children the Infinite Spirit reveals the mercy of the Eternal Son while at the same time functioning as the infinite manipulator, forever weaving the pattern of Paradise into the energies of space. This selfsame Conjoint Actor, this God of Action, is the perfect expression of the limitless plans and purposes of the Father-Son while functioning himself as the source of mind and the bestower of intellect upon the creatures of a far-flung cosmos.(1156.3) 105:3.6 5. The Deity Absolute. The causational, potentially personal possibilities of universal reality, the totality of all Deity potential. The Deity Absolute is the purposive qualifier of the unqualified, absolute, and nondeity realities. The Deity Absolute is the qualifier of the absolute and the absolutizer of the qualified — the destiny inceptor.(1156.4) 105:3.7 6. The Unqualified Absolute. Static, reactive, and abeyant; the unrevealed cosmic infinity of the I AM; totality of nondeified reality and finality of all nonpersonal potential. Space limits the function of the Unqualified, but the presence of the Unqualified is without limit, infinite. There is a concept periphery to the master universe, but the presence of the Unqualified is limitless; even eternity cannot exhaust the boundless quiescence of this nondeity Absolute.(1156.5) 105:3.8 7. The Universal Absolute. Unifier of the deified and the undeified; correlator of the absolute and the relative. The Universal Absolute (being static, potential, and associative) compensates the tension between the ever-existent and the uncompleted.*(1156.6) 105:3.9 The Seven Absolutes of Infinity constitute the beginnings of reality. As mortal minds would regard it, the First Source and Center would appear to be antecedent to all absolutes. But such a postulate, however helpful, is invalidated by the eternity coexistence of the Son, the Spirit, the three Absolutes, and the Paradise Isle.*(1157.1) 105:3.10 It is a truth that the Absolutes are manifestations of the I AM-First Source and Center; it is a fact that these Absolutes never had a beginning but are co-ordinate eternals with the First Source and Center. The relationships of absolutes in eternity cannot always be presented without involving paradoxes in the language of time and in the concept patterns of space. But regardless of any confusion concerning the origin of the Seven Absolutes of Infinity, it is both fact and truth that all reality is predicated upon their eternity existence and infinity relationships.4. Unity, Duality, and Triunity(1157.2) 105:4.1 The universe philosophers postulate the eternity existence of the I AM as the primal source of all reality. And concomitant therewith they postulate the self-segmentation of the I AM into the primary self-relationships — the seven phases of infinity. And simultaneous with this assumption is the third postulate — the eternity appearance of the Seven Absolutes of Infinity and the eternalization of the duality association of the seven phases of the I AM and these seven Absolutes.(1157.3) 105:4.2 The self-revelation of the I AM thus proceeds from static self through self-segmentation and self-relationship to absolute relationships, relationships with self-derived Absolutes. Duality becomes thus existent in the eternal association of the Seven Absolutes of Infinity with the sevenfold infinity of the self-segmented phases of the self-revealing I AM. These dual relationships, eternalizing to the universes as the seven Absolutes, eternalize the basic foundations for all universe reality.(1157.4) 105:4.3 It has been sometime stated that unity begets duality, that duality begets triunity, and that triunity is the eternal ancestor of all things. There are, indeed, three great classes of primordial relationships, and they are:(1157.5) 105:4.4 1. Unity relationships. Relations existent within the I AM as the unity thereof is conceived as a threefold and then as a sevenfold self-differentiation.(1157.6) 105:4.5 2. Duality relationships. Relations existent between the I AM as sevenfold and the Seven Absolutes of Infinity.(1157.7) 105:4.6 3. Triunity relationships. These are the functional associations of the Seven Absolutes of Infinity.(1157.8) 105:4.7 Triunity relationships arise upon duality foundations because of the inevitability of Absolute interassociation. Such triunity associations eternalize the potential of all reality; they encompass both deified and undeified reality.(1157.9) 105:4.8 The I AM is unqualified infinity as unity. The dualities eternalize reality foundations. The triunities eventuate the realization of infinity as universal function.(1157.10) 105:4.9 Pre-existentials become existential in the seven Absolutes, and existentials become functional in the triunities, the basic association of Absolutes. And concomitant with the eternalization of the triunities the universe stage is set — the potentials are existent and the actuals are present — and the fullness of eternity witnesses the diversification of cosmic energy, the outspreading of Paradise spirit, and the endowment of mind together with the bestowal of personality, by virtue of which all of these Deity and Paradise derivatives are unified in experience on the creature level and by other techniques on the supercreature level.5. Promulgation of Finite Reality(1158.1) 105:5.1 Just as the original diversification of the I AM must be attributed to inherent and self-contained volition, so must the promulgation of finite reality be ascribed to the volitional acts of Paradise Deity and to the repercussional adjustments of the functional triunities.(1158.2) 105:5.2 Prior to the deitization of the finite, it would appear that all reality diversification took place on absolute levels; but the volitional act promulgating finite reality connotes a qualification of absoluteness and implies the appearance of relativities.(1158.3) 105:5.3 While we present this narrative as a sequence and portray the historic appearance of the finite as a direct derivative of the absolute, it should be borne in mind that transcendentals both preceded and succeeded all that is finite. Transcendental ultimates are, in relation to the finite, both causal and consummational.(1158.4) 105:5.4 Finite possibility is inherent in the Infinite, but the transmutation of possibility to probability and inevitability must be attributed to the self-existent free will of the First Source and Center, activating all triunity associations. Only the infinity of the Father’s will could ever have so qualified the absolute level of existence as to eventuate an ultimate or to create a finite.(1158.5) 105:5.5 With the appearance of relative and qualified reality there comes into being a new cycle of reality — the growth cycle — a majestic downsweep from the heights of infinity to the domain of the finite, forever swinging inward to Paradise and Deity, always seeking those high destinies commensurate with an infinity source.(1158.6) 105:5.6 These inconceivable transactions mark the beginning of universe history, mark the coming into existence of time itself. To a creature, the beginning of the finite is the genesis of reality; as viewed by creature mind, there is no actuality conceivable prior to the finite. This newly appearing finite reality exists in two original phases:(1158.7) 105:5.7 1. Primary maximums, the supremely perfect reality, the Havona type of universe and creature.(1158.8) 105:5.8 2. Secondary maximums, the supremely perfected reality, the superuniverse type of creature and creation.(1158.9) 105:5.9 These, then, are the two original manifestations: the constitutively perfect and the evolutionally perfected. The two are co-ordinate in eternity relationships, but within the limits of time they are seemingly different. A time factor means growth to that which grows; secondary finites grow; hence those that are growing must appear as incomplete in time. But these differences, which are so important this side of Paradise, are nonexistent in eternity.(1158.10) 105:5.10 We speak of the perfect and the perfected as primary and secondary maximums, but there is still another type: Trinitizing and other relationships between the primaries and the secondaries result in the appearance of tertiary maximums — things, meanings, and values that are neither perfect nor perfected yet are co-ordinate with both ancestral factors.6. Repercussions of Finite Reality(1159.1) 105:6.1 The entire promulgation of finite existences represents a transference from potentials to actuals within the absolute associations of functional infinity. Of the many repercussions to creative actualization of the finite, there may be cited:(1159.2) 105:6.2 1. The deity response, the appearance of the three levels of experiential supremacy: the actuality of personal-spirit supremacy in Havona, the potential for personal-power supremacy in the grand universe to be, and the capacity for some unknown function of experiential mind acting on some level of supremacy in the future master universe.(1159.3) 105:6.3 2. The universe response involved an activation of the architectural plans for the superuniverse space level, and this evolution is still progressing throughout the physical organization of the seven superuniverses.(1159.4) 105:6.4 3. The creature repercussion to finite-reality promulgation resulted in the appearance of perfect beings on the order of the eternal inhabitants of Havona and of perfected evolutionary ascenders from the seven superuniverses. But to attain perfection as an evolutionary (time-creative) experience implies something other-than-perfection as a point of departure. Thus arises imperfection in the evolutionary creations. And this is the origin of potential evil. Misadaptation, disharmony, and conflict, all these things are inherent in evolutionary growth, from physical universes to personal creatures.(1159.5) 105:6.5 4. The divinity response to the imperfection inherent in the time lag of evolution is disclosed in the compensating presence of God the Sevenfold, by whose activities that which is perfecting is integrated with both the perfect and the perfected. This time lag is inseparable from evolution, which is creativity in time. Because of it, as well as for other reasons, the almighty power of the Supreme is predicated on the divinity successes of God the Sevenfold. This time lag makes possible creature participation in divine creation by permitting creature personalities to become partners with Deity in the attainment of maximum development. Even the material mind of the mortal creature thus becomes partner with the divine Adjuster in the dualization of the immortal soul. God the Sevenfold also provides techniques of compensation for the experiential limitations of inherent perfection as well as compensating the preascension limitations of imperfection.7. Eventuation of Transcendentals(1159.6) 105:7.1 Transcendentals are subinfinite and subabsolute but superfinite and supercreatural. Transcendentals eventuate as an integrating level correlating the supervalues of absolutes with the maximum values of finites. From the creature standpoint, that which is transcendental would appear to have eventuated as a consequence of the finite; from the eternity viewpoint, in anticipation of the finite; and there are those who have considered it as a “pre-echo” of the finite.(1159.7) 105:7.2 That which is transcendental is not necessarily nondevelopmental, but it is superevolutional in the finite sense; neither is it nonexperiential, but it is superexperience as such is meaningful to creatures. Perhaps the best illustration of such a paradox is the central universe of perfection: It is hardly absolute — only the Paradise Isle is truly absolute in the “materialized” sense. Neither is it a finite evolutionary creation as are the seven superuniverses. Havona is eternal but not changeless in the sense of being a universe of nongrowth. It is inhabited by creatures (Havona natives) who never were actually created, for they are eternally existent. Havona thus illustrates something which is not exactly finite nor yet absolute. Havona further acts as a buffer between absolute Paradise and finite creations, still further illustrating the function of transcendentals. But Havona itself is not a transcendental — it is Havona.(1160.1) 105:7.3 As the Supreme is associated with finites, so the Ultimate is identified with transcendentals. But though we thus compare Supreme and Ultimate, they differ by something more than degree; the difference is also a matter of quality. The Ultimate is something more than a super-Supreme projected on the transcendental level. The Ultimate is all of that, but more: The Ultimate is an eventuation of new Deity realities, the qualification of new phases of the theretofore unqualified.(1160.2) 105:7.4 Among those realities which are associated with the transcendental level are the following:(1160.3) 105:7.5 1. The Deity presence of the Ultimate.(1160.4) 105:7.6 2. The concept of the master universe.(1160.5) 105:7.7 3. The Architects of the Master Universe.(1160.6) 105:7.8 4. The two orders of Paradise force organizers.(1160.7) 105:7.9 5. Certain modifications in space potency.(1160.8) 105:7.10 6. Certain values of spirit.(1160.9) 105:7.11 7. Certain meanings of mind.(1160.10) 105:7.12 8. Absonite qualities and realities.(1160.11) 105:7.13 9. Omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence.(1160.12) 105:7.14 10. Space.(1160.13) 105:7.15 The universe in which we now live may be thought of as existing on finite, transcendental, and absolute levels. This is the cosmic stage on which is enacted the endless drama of personality performance and energy metamorphosis.(1160.14) 105:7.16 And all of these manifold realities are unified absolutely by the several triunities, functionally by the Architects of the Master Universe, and relatively by the Seven Master Spirits, the subsupreme co-ordinators of the divinity of God the Sevenfold.(1160.15) 105:7.17 God the Sevenfold represents the personality and divinity revelation of the Universal Father to creatures of both maximum and submaximum status, but there are other sevenfold relationships of the First Source and Center which do not pertain to the manifestation of the divine spiritual ministry of the God who is spirit.(1160.16) 105:7.18 In the eternity of the past the forces of the Absolutes, the spirits of the Deities, and the personalities of the Gods stirred in response to the primordial self-will of self-existent self-will. In this universe age we are all witnessing the stupendous repercussions of the far-flung cosmic panorama of the subabsolute manifestations of the limitless potentials of all these realities. And it is altogether possible that the continued diversification of the original reality of the First Source and Center may proceed onward and outward throughout age upon age, on and on, into the faraway and inconceivable stretches of absolute infinity.(1161.1) 105:7.19 [Presented by a Melchizedek of Nebadon.]
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You’ve probably heard of the phrase toxic person, and are aware at least of the importance of not surrounding yourself with this type of person. Particularly, if you consider:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” ~ Jim Rohn
And one of those five is either someone you’re living or work closely with and has a toxic personality.
So what is a toxic person?The dictionary definition of toxic is a poisonous substance with the synonyms: dangerous, unsafe, harmful, destructive and even malignant (with connotations of evil, or hateful).
If we apply this to the term toxic person we might consider this to be a person who is dangerous, harmful or destructive to us as an individual.
The Urban Dictionary gives a rather nice definition of a Toxic Person as being:
“Used to describe a person who is tainted by a subconscious malevolence or psychosis that affects the lives of those who come into contact with them.”
But we’d probably put it less strongly than subconscious malevolence or psychosis and describe it as behaviour which drains you - the receiver of this toxic behaviour - of energy and life.
A person causing social tension or indeed unpleasantness, might be described as having a toxic personality, for example.
So is it a toxic person or toxic behaviour?It is of course important to separate the behaviour from the person. It’s not the person in their entirety who is toxic, rather it is their behaviour which is toxic.
And it’s also worth pointing out, it is your response to their behaviour, i.e. the power you are giving that behaviour in your mind that determines whether or not they are toxic to you.
Not such a comfortable thought!
Perhaps of more comfort then is the fact that you always have the power to choose your thoughts and responses to that behaviour however difficult that may seem. And it’s important to recognise that both the person displaying the behaviour and the person who might be on the receiving end – both play a part or a role in the toxic interactions. So if you feel you are on the receiving end, it is equally necessary to consider your own personal role as well.
What are the signs you’re in a toxic relationship?What are the indicators or signs of this toxicity?Toxicity – a great word isn’t it?
“The degree to which a substance (or person in this case) can damage an organism (or in this instance another person) as well as the effect on the substructure” – Wikipedia
(Note, our additions are in brackets)
In that definition, the actual word refers to the effect on the whole organism, such as a person, as well as the substructure of the organism.
We even hear that effect on part of us in the language people sometimes use to describe toxic behaviour, saying things like:
“His behaviour does my head in!”
And we know that having a toxic person around can have quite an effect on a group of people. Within an organization, like the workplace, for example.
And maybe the toxicity of the individual relates to the amount of contact, or degree of proximity or closeness you have to that toxic person. Or the amount of credence, you give to that person’s behaviour.
It is quite incredible, how one person can affect so many others around them.
Why do toxic people behave in this way?Often the person has been deeply hurt or is suffering themselves, and on some level are unable to take responsibility for that hurt and suffering and the subsequent problems that causes in their life. So they may typically project their behaviour onto others.
How do you know that you’re dealing with a toxic person or toxic relationship?Here it’s useful to separate the behaviour of the toxic person from the behaviour you find yourself enacting when you’re dealing with it.
Toxic behaviour of the toxic personTypically, the toxic person will exhibit some or all of the following characteristics.
They might:
Create drama in their lives and the lives of those around them. ‘You’ll never guess what’s happened to me again…!’Be jealous and envious of others fortunes and complain about their own lot in life. ‘Well, you’re alright – things like that never happen to you.’Try to manipulate or control others – ‘Don’t you find that so and so (whoever that might be) really gets on your nerves?’Be very needy (it’s all about them!)Use other people to meet their needsHave very narcissistic parents who have fanned this behaviour, or indeed allowed it to go uncheckedBe extremely critical of themselves and othersIndulge in substance abuse or harm themselves in other waysNot own their feelings – it’s someone else’s fault, or they will project their feelings and thoughts onto you. So, for example, if that person is angry they won’t take responsibility for the anger themselves rather they might accuse you of being angry with them. ‘What have I done to upset you today?’ – When you weren’t even aware of having done anything!Be typically prone to exaggerate. You know the sort of phrases: ‘You always react in this way’. Or ‘You never side with me!’ And they’re often rather good at remembering the one occasion when you did react in that way or didn’t side with them as evidence that your behaviour is like that as a rule.So, we’ve looked at the toxic behaviour of the so called ‘toxic person’
How might we describe your behaviour or feelings when dealing with a person’s toxic behaviourThis could be characterised in the following ways or behaviours:
Overly justifying and defending your own feelings when you’re in their company.Trying to prove yourself to them or continually tying yourself in knots to please.Wondering what you’ve done to upset them or why they’re ignoring you.The toxic behaviour can colour your day and behaviour.Feeling as if this relationship is one sided and you are the only one contributing to it.Having to choose between them and something else “If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t go to that (whatever that is), but you’d stay and look after me.”Whatever you do with that person appears to be wrong!Every day is like another challenge, where you’re trying to modify your behaviour to suit their expectations or prove your worth.You feel uncomfortable around that person – they restrict your ability to say what you want to say, to have a meaningful, mutual two-way conversation of respected views.In your mind, you’re ‘walking on egg-shells’ so to speak when you’re in their company – always weighing carefully what you’re going to say.You feel like you are being controlled, or are overly controllingWhat impact do toxic people or toxic relationships have when you’re trying to make changes in your life?Tell-tale signs include:
Feeling like you’re not ‘good enough’ as the other person can be constantly putting you down.A lowering of your own self-esteem, which is not a good basis for self or personal development.Feeling like the person who you’re living or working with is not working for your own best good.You compromising your own ideals and goals, or that they are significantly secondary to the needs of this other person.No longer recognising your true self, because you are tying yourself in knots to please someone else. You are in effect giving away your own power to that other person.Sustaining that relationship long after that relationship has ceased to be of value or benefit to you – in an attempt to not be seen to have ‘given up’ on it.Not being allowed to grow and change – or whenever you try to grow, you’re met with objections or indeed drama by that other person’s behaviour which takes you off course in your process of change.Episode 85 of The Changeability PodcastHear Kathryn and Julian discuss how to recognise toxic people and relationships and their own experiences in the latest episode of The Changeability Podcast.
And next week…We’ll discuss the tricky task of ‘How to deal with toxic people and relationships.’
But in the meantime let us know if you recognise these behaviours where you are. We’d love to read or hear your comments below.
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WHY do you need mind management?
What do you want to change in your life? Do you want more or less of something or to learn a new skill or experience different things? Or do you want to change something about your relationships or body or work or finances?
It doesn’t have to mean you hate your life or work now – but you just want it to be better in some way.
Yes, we all want changes but WHY do we need mind management to do it.
‘Life management begins with mind management. The quality of your life is influenced by the quality of your thoughts.’ Robin Sharma
Your marvellous mindYour brain is amazing and has enormous power. Its big job is to keep you alive and it does that by keeping you safe which tends to mean maintaining the status quo – because that’s what’s worked so far.
This is fabulous for keeping you alive – but it’s not always so fabulous when you want to make changes – in other words you want to move away from the status quo in some way.
It’s important to know that although you think you make your decisions and plans – including what you want to change – much of your thought processes go on at an unconscious level and decisions are made without you being aware of them much of the time.
It has to do this. We have control over the conscious part of your mind, and although amazing, your conscious mind has limitations. It loses focus easily and typically holds about 7 chunks of information at any one time.
This is why the subconscious takes control of most of what’s happening in our bodies. It’s the engine driving us – leaving our conscious mind to focus on other things.
Changing your mindThis is critically important when we want to make changes, because your unconscious mind, which is a million times more powerful than your conscious mind, is running the show. And it does much of this based on the beliefs and habits you’ve built up over your lifetime – not all of which are serving you well.
Both parts of your mind are crucial not only to survival but also to getting the changes and living the life you want. The real trick is to get them working together to make this happen.
This enables you to use the whole of your marvellous mind brain to work for you and not against you –otherwise it’s all to easy to end up self-sabotaging what you want to achieve. We’ve all done that!
Why when you want to lose weight do you still eat the very thing that you know will not help you get the body you want? Because your mind is screaming at you that you’ve hungry and want to eat and want to eat something that tastes nice – and your belief and experience tells you that cream cakes – especially a Victoria sponge with butter cream icing – will fill you up quickly and taste nice, and you’ve had a hard day so of course you deserve a little treat.
Now that might be irritating and throw you off course a little but it also happens in really important decisions and situations. You want to leave a job and set up a new business for yourself, but your subconscious is screaming at you – ‘are you mad, you’ll never make a good business person, why do you think you can do it, you never see anything through.’ Or whatever it might be for you, based on your past experience.
Mind management is about becoming aware of the impact your thoughts have on yo,u and using your mind to your advantage.
Your ThoughtsTime to take a step back - because underlying all of this is the notion that the way we think and the thoughts we think, influence what we do.
Our thoughts influence how we feel, which influences what we do or the actions we take, which impacts how we live our lives.
It sounds obvious when you say it like that – but just take a moment to think about it and see if you really believe this is so or if you’re aware of it in your day to day life.
The thoughts you think lead to the action you take.
It therefore follows that if you change your thoughts (that’s the way you think) then you can change your actions. This means you can make the changes you want in your life, work or business.
You are not your thoughtsIt’s a fabulous concept to accept and goes hand in hand with the concept that your thoughts are things.
Your thoughts are not you and you are not your thoughts.
You are not defined by your thoughts. Which means that you can change your thoughts to help you live how you want to live. That’s what we mean when we talk about mind management.
We’ve been talking about why you mind management to help you make changes, but it’s not just about doing things differently. It’s also about improving the everyday experience of being alive. After all, one of the changes you could look for is to be happier in your daily life, or more enthusiastic for life.
It’s not just about things, its about ‘being’ as well.
And mind management is the key.
Do we have to learn mind management?Yes - to a large extent we do have to learn mind management because we’ve not been taught how to manage our minds.
We don’t learn it at school – although some schools teach subjects like critical thinking but that’s something different. At best, we may have learnt something about the component parts of the brain and its functions.
Most of us don’t pick it up from our natural interactions with our parents, probably because they never learnt it themselves.
But this is your opportunity to learn about mind management now.
So what do we know about the mind?We’ve talked about the two major components of the mind being the conscious and the subconscious. And we know that our brain is in effect an information processing system, containing nerve cells (neurons) which are connected through synapses.
These neural pathways are influenced and strengthened by what we do, the influences in our lives, our previous experiences, beliefs and values we have stored in our minds. And these neural networks or pathways are strengthened by repetition.
One of the potential problems of the mind is that it can be consciously (by our thoughts) or unconsciously influenced (by our subconscious). And the subconscious is the more powerful.
We’re suggesting you get the conscious and the subconscious to work in harmony through mind management. So there’s no dissonance or disagreement between the two component parts of the brain and between your actions and your beliefs.
That is the key to getting what you want and making the changes and why you need and want mind management.
We know we can influence our conscious mind – we can determine our thoughts, so we need to influence our subconscious so it aligns with the subconscious.
We also know that our subconscious mind was itself programmed, and can therefore be reprogrammed, but the process is slow and incremental.
The captain of your shipIt’s likened to a super tanker (the subconscious) being controlled by the captain of the ship (the conscious).
The captain (the conscious mind) may be in charge, but the instructions the captain give take a long while to affect and influence the super tanker that is our subconscious.
But the subconscious, like the formation of any habit, including thinking habits, can be influenced through repetition.
Advertising relies on this repetition of key messages to get you to believe and then buy into their product, concept or ideas.
This is why you can recall adverts from years ago, even your childhood, because of the power of repetition. Particularly when you add in a few tricks of the trade to make it even more memorable, tricks incidentally we can use to our advantage in mind management terms.
The bottom line is mind management will help you change what you want to change and achieve what you want to achieve.
HOW to manage your mindYou manage your mind by training your mind to think in certain ways – so you develop habits and ways of thinking to support change, happiness and success for you.
Training your mind might sound a far out or like some sort of trickery, but all it means is using certain techniques and ways of thinking that you can develop through practice.
With the result that you can improve and transform your life and business through your thoughts, self-beliefs and the action you take.
What techniques help us manage our mindsKey mind management techniques include:
Goal setting or vision settingAffirmationsVisualizationHypnosisMindfulness and MeditationLearning and internalising new skills through repetition and practiceDeveloping yourself through reading and writing.These are the very techniques we talk about here at Brilliant Living HQ and on the Changeability Podcast. They’re also captured into a 10 step framework which shows how they all fit together and build one on the other in the Changeability framework.
You will find the full version of this written out in a logical practical step by step framework on Amazon in the book Changeability: Manage your Mind - Change your Life either in Paperback or in Kindle. This is the best place to get the full explanation and exact steps.
Or you can of course listen to the last 88 episodes of the Changeability Podcast! But it will be a lot quicker to read the book!
Episode 88 of the Changeability PodcastHear us discuss all of this and more in episode 88 of the Changeability Podcast.
LinksChangeability: Manage your Mind - Change your Life book on AmazonThank youThank you for being here and being wonderful. If you like listening to the show please leave us a review on iTunes. If you’ve read the Changeability book please leave a review on Amazon.
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How to Overcome Self-Doubt
Self-Doubt is one of the most common emotional barriers people from all walks of life encounter.
It's a given that you'll have some self-doubt, but what you do with that doubt will determine your outcome.
Self-doubt creeps in and robs you of reaching your full potential and therefore achieving your dreams.
Don't allow your self-doubt to keep you from reaching your dreams.
In this episode, John will walk you through what you can start working on and give you the inspiration and motivation you need to keep moving forward, even with self-doubt.
It's far better to fail at trying, than failing to try. If you never try, you will always have regret.
Learn what you can do to work on overcoming your self-doubt.
This episode was brought to you by Keep Calm Academy. Keep Calm Academy is an 8 module course loaded with helpful lessons and resources to help you keep calm right from your mobile device.
To learn more visit www.KeepCalmAcademy.com
***
You can learn more about John Cordray at www.johncordray.com
Reach out to John on Twitter at www.twitter.com/johnpcordray
Support the show
Rate the show: If you enjoyed this episode, please consider providing an honest rating of the show here www.mentalhealthtodayshow.com/reviews/new .
Disclaimer: The Mental Health Today Show is for educational purposes only and should not be interpreted as therapy. If you are seeking therapy, please contact a licensed therapist for help.
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Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy -
Psychotherapist Susan Anderson had been helping her clients overcome heartbreak and loss for over twenty years when her longtime partner told her he didn’t love her anymore and left their relationship out of the blue. As she struggled to cope with her own pain from that abandonment, she recognized the extent to which realistic, well-researched, and clinically tested steps are required in order to heal from such a deep emotional injury. That is what the enclosed advance reading copy of The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss (New World Library, August 15, 2016) is designed to provide.
“In the course of this book, I will give heartbreak the serious treatment it deserves, investigating the source of its overpowering feelings,” writes Anderson. “Together, we’ll explore ways to prevent rage from inflicting such devastating consequences on self and others. We’ll also learn about the lingering grief of abandonment — why it is so difficult to let go when someone leaves you.”
The Abandonment Recovery Workbook helps readers navigate the five stages of abandonment — shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage, and lifting — so they can:
? Overcome the heartbreak caused by the loss of love
? Heal the underlying abandonment wound from past or present losses
? Build self-esteem and overcome fear of rejection
? Resolve issues of mistrust and insecurity
? Identify the self-defeating behaviors of the outer child
? Make better choices and build new connections
? Increase the capacity to love
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If you’ve ever wanted to find greater peace, happiness, and fulfillment in your life, then do we have THE Self-Love Experiment show for you!
Today I’ll be talking with Shannon Kaiser, best-selling author, 7 time contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Soul, and author of a phenomenal new book on perhaps my all-time favorite topic, The Self-Love Experiment.
And that’s just what I want to talk with her about, about the key principles for becoming more kind, compassionate, and accepting of yourself!
Self-Love Experiment Self-Improvement and Self-Help Notes Include:
What was the struggle she faced in her childhood? How did she end up in corporate America? How did she hit the reset button in her life? How did she overcome eating disorders and drug addiction? What does it mean that she went out of her way to sabotage herself? What’s the danger in “when I’s”? What does it mean to lean into your troubles for guidance? How did she lean into her depression? How did she start the self-love experiment? What is the self-love experiment process? What’s the magic of self-care and what does it look like? What’s wrong with being an A+ wellness warrior? What do you mean self-care has nothing do with what you do but how you do it? What’s it mean to allow yourself to be where you are? What’s a Daily Me-Matters List and how can it help? What was the importance of a new wardrobe? What does self-compassion look like? What’s the power of the physical space and living where we love? How do you make your environment a reflection of your peace and joy? Why don’t we want to spend time with negative thoughts? How do we find the time to do what we love? Why is how we feel more important than how we look? What’s it mean the more you, you show, the more oyur life will flow? What’s so important about your dreams? What’s the importance of gratitude? For More Info Visit: PlayWithTheWorld.comShannon Kaiser on Key Ways to Crank Up The Self-Love to Change Your Life!!! Health | Happiness | Fitness | Inspiration | Motivation | Spiritual | Spirituality | Guided Meditation | Inspirational | Motivational | Self-Improvement | Self-Help | Inspire
For More Info Visit: www.InspireNationShow.com
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Self-care podcast talking about Self-Care Versus Self-Hate, Differences Between Self-Love & Self-Hate and Shifting from Self-Hate to Self-Love.
TOPICS::
** Announcements (01:29).
** Self-Love VERSUS Self-Hate (08:10). ** Differences Between Self-Love & Self-Hate (20:23). ** Shifting From Self-Hate to Self-Love (31:45).NOTES::
Show notes: amberapproved.ca/podcast/61
Leave me a review and 5 stars at amberapproved.ca/review
Email me at [email protected]
SHOW LINKS::
E-mail me at [email protected] for more info on my Group Program starting in Mid-January. Check out the rest of the info here about the program http://bit.ly/2gi21qD
Get the winter edition of Amber Approved Magazine http://bit.ly/1IvuSM9.
Join The No Sugarcoating Private Faccebook Group: http://bit.ly/2d1r1Qa
Consequences of No Self-care workshop details: http://bit.ly/2h7dKc7
Check out my Youtube Channel Here for more transformational videos: http://bit.ly/2i6UmxJ -
If you’ve ever struggled with family, emotions, time or being on top of your game, how to be okay with not being okay show for you.
Today we’ll talk about being extra-kind and gentle to yourself, even when you’re struggling, far from your best, or melting down with the super-moon.
How to Be Okay Self-Improvement and Self-Help Topics Include:
What has happened to people from the Super Moon and after the Super Moon. What happens when negative emotions come up? What do we do when we internally berate ourselves? What do we do with negative self-talk? What does it look like to give yourself unconditional love? How can unconditional self-love help ourselves? What it means to focus on the connection of Heaven and Earth? How do we go looking for any internal work we have to do? What’s the importance of not judging yourself for the moment (even if you’ve melted down) What does it mean to be kinder and more loving to oneself? What is the stillpoint – and why does CJ want to learn more about it? What can we learn about heart openings – and dropping your shields. What happened with Michael and Jessica’s patreon backstage pass? Patreon.com/inspirenation For more info visit: FireItUpWithCJ.com How can you be okay with not being perfect – and move past perfectionism? How are you rewarded yourself for stepping out there?CJ Liu on What to Do When You're Struggling & How to Be Extra Kind, Loving and Gentle to Yourself! Health | Inspiration | Motivation | Spiritual | Spirituality | Meditation | Inspirational | Motivational | Self-Improvement | Self-Help | Inspire
For More Info Visit: www.InspireNationShow.com
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If you ever feel berated, pushed around, down-trodden, guilted, shamed, or run-over, and all by the voices in your mind, then do we have the compassionate, life-changing show for you!
Today I’ll be talking with Dr. Kristin Neff, psychologist, researcher, and pioneer in the field of self-compassion. She’s also the author of “self-compassion the proven power of being kind to yourself” and her family’s amazing healing journey is featured in the award-winning documentary, The Horse Boy, …one of the most powerful and beautiful documentaries I’ve ever seen…just bring plenty of Kleenex!
Today we’ll be talking about self-compassion or true caring, concern and love for you; what it really looks like, what it feels like, why it’s different from self-esteem, and why it’s so incredibly important and needed in our lives (despite what we’ve been taught).
That plus we’ll look a squeegee man, a hugging practice, the lake Wobeggon Effect, and how connecting with horses truly changes lives.
Questions and Topics Include:
How her autistic son taught her self-compassion Where did the desire to study self-compassion come from? How studying Buddhism turned Kristin toward self-compassion What’s it mean to relate to ourselves? How and why do we talk to ourselves as inner enemies? Why our safety system (threat defense mechanism) causes us to attack ourselves What’s a freeze response? Why we treat our good friends different than we treat ourselves? Why it’s easier to trigger the care-giver system with our good friends What happens with children of very critical or even abusive parents What Kristin Neff is finding in over 10 years of studying self-compassion How we have self-compassion backwards (and how it makes us stronger, rather than weaker) Why the rod and stick (spare the rod, spoil the child) is backwards and leads to self-criticism and undermining self-confidence What’s the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem What’s wrong with self-esteem and what’s the backlash from promoting self-esteem? Why self-compassion doesn’t seem to have the negative side-effects that self-esteem does Why we’re more likely to take responsibility because it’s safe to do so. How self-compassion gives you the emotional resources to be at our best What is self-kindness? What are the three main triggers of the compassion mechanism? What’s the hugging exercise? Why you want to touch yourself or put a hand on yourself to help calm you down and put you in a place of self-compassion (yes, this is touchy-feely) Language you can use for yourself to train your brain for self-compassion Why tones are so important and often more important than the language itself What is common humanity and why is it so important What differentiates self-compassion from self-pity? Why imperfection is what connects us to other people, not separates us What does mindfulness have to do with self-compassion? What exactly is mindfulness? Why it’s so important to be aware of their own ‘suffering’ (any instance of emotional pain, which is a common Buddhist term, but doesn’t have to be). What’s a self-compassion journal and how do you use one? What is emotional resilience? What is mindful self-compassion (a program with Chris Germer) Centerformsc.org What is a simple practice for mindful self-compassion? Why men who do high fives and fist-pounds to basketball teammates perform better How do we shift past self-criticism? Why we want to turn with understanding and compassion toward self-criticism Why we don’t want to judge ourselves for judging ourselves What do you do when you get lost in your emotions or a storyline How do we use a mindful self-compassion flashlight? What’s a self-compassion backdraft? What’s a self-compassion detox? Why is compassion for others so important for ourselves Why it’s so important for parents to model self-compassion for their kids How to take the self-compassion scale A short guided meditation or practice on self-compassion called ‘The Self-Compassion Break”Dr. Kristin Neff Shares the Power of Mindfulness & Self-Compassion & How It Helps with Relationships, Happiness, Career & Kids! + Guided Meditation! Health | Inspiration | Motivation | Spiritual | Spirituality | Self-Improvement | Self-Help | Inspire
For More Info Visit: www.InspireNationShow.com
