Episodes
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In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Rhiannon Hughes about her lived experience of growing up in care in both the UK and Spain, being separated from siblings, surviving instability, and carrying adult responsibilities from a very young age. Rhiannon shares what care felt like from the inside, what she needed most from the adults around her, and how trauma, inconsistency and loss shaped her journey. This episode will resonate with paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, foster carers, parents and anyone supporting children with trauma, attachment needs or care experience. It is an honest, moving conversation about grief, survival, resilience and why the right adult relationships matter so much.
In this episode, we explore:
What it felt like to enter care as a childThe impact of separation from siblings and repeated disruptionDifferences between care experiences in the UK and SpainWhat children in care really need from adults around themHow trauma, survival mode and responsibility shape identityRhiannon’s powerful story of helping her sister out of homelessness and addictionThree key messages from this episode:
Children in care do not just need placements - they need consistency, patience and adults who keep showing up.Trauma can make children highly alert to people, threat and instability, so relationships must feel safe before they can feel meaningful.Lived experience can become a source of strength, empathy and purpose - but it often comes at a significant emotional cost.Timestamps / Chapters:00:00 - Introduction and why this conversation matters00:32 - Entering care at six years old due to abuse and neglect02:15 - Foster care, children’s homes and sibling separation04:01 - Moving to Spain and re-entering care overseas05:19 - The grief of losing parents, home, siblings and safety06:24 - What Rhiannon needed most from adults: consistency and patience09:30 - The difference between care in Spain and the UK12:13 - What resilience really cost her15:49 - Leaving care, homelessness and falling through the gaps19:16 - Finding purpose in lived experience and moving into care recruitment23:42 - Why connection and consistency matter more than just filling staff gaps
Why listen to this episode:If you work with children in care, support care-experienced young people, or want to better understand trauma from the inside out, this episode is essential listening. Rhiannon’s story is raw, honest and deeply human. It offers a powerful reminder that behind every behaviour is a history, behind every coping strategy is a survival story, and behind every “difficult” young person is often a child who has had to grow up far too soon.
Resources mentioned / useful links:
Rhiannon Hughes LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhiannon-hughes-a85469217?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_appResidential Recruitment: http://www.residentialrecruitment.co.ukContact Rhiannon: [email protected].ukFollow Able / Able to Care:
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTrainingComing next:Part 2 is released next Tuesday, where the conversation shifts into staffing, recruitment, children’s homes, therapeutic care, and what truly makes an adult change a child’s life.
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Phones, screens, devices and social media are now part of everyday life for children and young people - but the arguments, sleep disruption, emotional fallouts and power struggles that come with them are leaving many parents, carers and professionals unsure what to do next. In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores why simply taking a phone away might bring short-term compliance but can also create long-term resentment, covert behaviour and bigger escalations. Instead of asking only how to stop screen use, Andy unpacks what the phone may actually be doing for a young person - whether that is offering connection, comfort, control, competence, distraction or dopamine regulation - and why that matters if we want to create real change. This episode will be especially useful for paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, support staff and parents who want a more thoughtful, practical and trauma-informed way of managing screen-related behaviour.
In this episode, Andy covers:Why the idea that “control equals safety” often backfiresThe difference between a design problem and a parenting problemWhy blanket bans and fear-based responses rarely teach real regulationWhat phones may be doing for a child or young person emotionallyHow to replace power struggles with collaborative boundariesWhy support, planning and alternatives work better than punishment aloneThree key messages1. The phone is often not the real problemA device may be meeting needs around connection, control, comfort, boredom relief, competence or anxiety management. If we only remove the phone without understanding its function, we usually create a bigger battle rather than a better outcome.
2. Punishment may stop the behaviour briefly, but it rarely teaches regulationTaking a phone away can produce short-term compliance, but it can also increase resentment, secrecy, escalation and rebellion if nothing healthier is put in its place.
3. Better boundaries are built through calm planning, collaboration and repairAndy shares a more effective route: agree boundaries when calm, offer choices, make expectations measurable, and plan for slip-ups so that responsibility grows instead of conflict.
Why listen to this episode?If you support a child or young person who becomes dysregulated around phones, social media, gaming or screen time, this episode will help you think more clearly and respond more effectively. Rather than relying on threats, bans or constant arguments, Andy offers a more nuanced way of understanding behaviour that fits real family life, care settings and educational environments. It is a practical listen for anyone trying to balance healthy boundaries with empathy, emotional safety and long-term skill building.
Timestamps / Chapter markers00:00 Why taking a phone away can create more problems than it solves00:21 Phones, screens, social media and the power struggles around them00:58 Why this is not just a parenting issue, but also a design issue01:35 The need for nuance - not every screen is harmful in the same way02:29 Why blanket bans often increase desire rather than teach regulation03:30 Andy’s free family commitment tool for safer screen use at home04:32 How devices have become the modern threat, bribe and power lever05:05 A real-life scenario: phone use, poor sleep and escalating conflict06:05 Why the reaction does not always justify the trigger06:23 What function the phone may be serving for a young person07:29 Dopamine, distraction and why devices can feel hard to regulate08:22 Why removing the strategy without replacing the need does not work09:00 The key needs to explore: connection, control, comfort, competence and challenge10:11 Practical strategies: reduce the need, offer alternatives and teach better regulation12:11 A better approach: agree boundaries when calm13:00 Give structured choices rather than forcing compliance14:11 Make expectations clear and measurable14:39 Plan for slip-ups and return to repair, not punishment15:57 Free resource: Home Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool16:33 Final reflections and takeaway message
Resources mentionedFree resource from Andy BakerHome Electronics Plan and Family Commitment Tool
Able Training websiteable-training.co.uk/podcast
Andy’s bookTargeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge(Referenced as part of Andy’s wider behaviour framework and approach.)
Follow AbleWebsite: able-training.co.uk/podcastLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTrainingTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
If you’ve ever found yourself in a stand-off over a phone, this episode will help you step back, understand what is really going on, and build a more thoughtful plan that supports regulation, safety and healthier long-term habits.
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Missing episodes?
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In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker speaks with Carmel Saulbrey, Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code, about what it really takes to build strong, resilient teams in children’s residential care. This conversation explores the emotional demands placed on staff, why therapeutic care is about far more than specialist interventions, and how kindness, consistency and workforce development can change outcomes for both children and the adults supporting them. If you are a caregiver, teacher, parent, foster carer or support professional interested in trauma-informed practice, therapeutic care, staff wellbeing, and children’s residential homes, this episode offers practical insight and real honesty.
What this episode coversAndy and Carmel explore what makes a children’s home truly therapeutic on a day-to-day level, why staff burnout and turnover are such major issues in residential care, and how even good, caring adults can struggle under pressure when supporting children with trauma. Carmel shares why she believes kindness should be treated as a professional standard, not a soft extra, and explains how The Kindness Code was created to help staff practise therapeutic responses, build confidence, and embed training in real-life scenarios.
Why listen to this episode?If you work with children who have experienced trauma, this episode will help you think more deeply about:
how therapeutic care shows up in ordinary momentswhy good staff sometimes leave difficult roleshow to support teams without losing boundarieswhat kindness really looks like when behaviour is challengingwhy workforce development matters just as much as child-centred practiceThis is a thoughtful episode for anyone who wants to build safer relationships, stronger teams and more consistent care.
Three key messages1. Therapeutic care is lived in the small moments.It is not just about specialist sessions - it is about how adults respond, repair, connect and stay calm in everyday interactions.
2. Kindness is not weakness.True therapeutic kindness includes warmth, boundaries, honesty and consistency, even when a child is distressed or dysregulated.
3. If we care for the team, the team can care for the children.Staff need support, confidence, practice and psychological safety if they are going to offer children the regulation and connection they need.
Timestamps00:00 - Introduction and Carmel’s journey into children’s residential care00:46 - What makes a children’s home therapeutic in real life02:02 - Why the emotional demand on staff is so high06:13 - Why good people leave children’s care roles11:10 - The difference between managing behaviour and building safety15:45 - Everyday acts of love, regulation and belonging in children’s homes20:01 - Why Carmel created The Kindness Code24:27 - Using AI to help staff practise therapeutic responses31:00 - The team culture needed to stay calm, kind and consistent42:59 - Carmel’s hopes for The Kindness Code46:22 - A closing message for exhausted residential support workers
Resources mentionedThe Kindness CodeTraining and practice support designed to help staff embed therapeutic kindness, build confidence, and respond more effectively in children’s residential care.Niche Care HomesCarmel’s children’s residential care homes focused on therapeutic practice, workforce development and creating better outcomes for children.The Kindness Code PodcastMentioned as part of Carmel’s wider work and message around kindness, care and staff development.About the guestCarmel Saulbrey is the Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code. She is passionate about improving outcomes in children’s residential care by strengthening workforce development, supporting staff wellbeing, and helping teams embed therapeutic practice consistently. Carmel believes that by investing in compassionate, confident and well-supported teams, we create better environments for children and the adults who care for them.
Connect with AbleWebsite: able-training.co.uk/podcastLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcastYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining
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In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores one of the most misunderstood behaviours in dementia care - pacing, repetitive walking and repeatedly saying “I need to go home”. Instead of dismissing this as “wandering”, Andy invites carers, teachers, parents and support staff to ask a better question: what is this behaviour trying to communicate? This episode looks at how repetitive behaviour can signal anxiety, sensory dysregulation, loneliness, discomfort, purpose, or an unmet need, and why correcting facts too quickly can make distress worse. If you support someone living with dementia, or anyone whose behaviour can become repetitive under stress, this episode offers a more curious, compassionate and practical way to respond.
What this episode covers:
Andy breaks down why repetitive walking is rarely pointless and is often a strategy to cope with stress, regulate the body, solve a problem or meet a need. He introduces a practical framework - See, Feel, Need, Do - to help supporters slow down, spot patterns, consider the emotional driver, identify possible unmet needs and respond in a more helpful way. He also connects this to the Human Motivation Triangle and the HELP model, showing how behaviour may be linked to human, emotional, location-based or physical needs.
Three key messages:
Repetitive walking is often communication, not “just wandering”What looks like wandering may actually be walking with purpose - searching, soothing, escaping discomfort, seeking connection or trying to complete something important.Correcting facts can increase distressWhen someone is anxious, telling them “this is your home now” or trying to stop the movement can land as confrontation rather than reassurance.Curiosity leads to better careRather than asking “how do I stop this?”, ask “what need is underneath this?” Supportive responses such as walking with the person, offering purpose, reducing stimulation or creating a safer route can make a real difference.Timestamps:
00:00 - Reframing “wandering” as walking with purpose00:30 - The care home scenario: pacing, checking doors and wanting to go home01:15 - Why correcting the facts can make things worse01:55 - Behaviour as strategy: unmet need, stress and regulation02:45 - The Human Motivation Triangle explained03:00 - The See, Feel, Need, Do framework03:35 - What could the person be feeling?04:00 - Could walking be sensory regulation?05:15 - Practical responses that reduce distress06:30 - Building a proactive plan instead of reacting late07:55 - Using the HELP model to understand behaviour08:35 - Why safe walking routes can work better than stopping movement09:00 - Final takeaway: stop asking “how do I stop it?” and ask “what need is there?”
Why listen to this episode?
This episode is especially useful if you support someone living with dementia and want to respond more effectively to pacing, restlessness or repeated requests to go home. It is also relevant for parents, teachers and support staff, because the wider principle applies beyond dementia care: repetitive behaviour often communicates stress, discomfort or unmet need. If you want a calmer, more person-centred way to understand behaviour, this conversation will give you practical tools you can start using straight away.
Resources mentioned:
Able Training website: able-training.co.uk/podcastAndy Baker’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge - available via Able’s site and hub.Andy's & Meghan's book: The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead: A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis - available on amazonListen and connectPodcast: Able to Care Podcast
Able social media:
Instagram: @AbleTrainingLinkedIn: Able TrainingTikTok: @AbleToCarePodcastYouTube: Able Training YouTubeIf this episode helped you think differently about behaviour, please follow, share and leave a review so more carers, parents, teachers and support staff can find it.
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What does it really mean to belong - and what happens when someone doesn’t?
In this powerful conversation, Andy sits down with Dr Lisa Cherry to unpack one of the most overlooked drivers behind behaviour: the human need for belonging and mattering. Drawing on over 35 years of experience across education, care, and trauma-informed practice, Lisa shares how experiences like school exclusion, care placements, and relational disruption can shape identity, behaviour, and lifelong outcomes.
This episode goes beyond theory. It explores what belonging feels like, how children communicate when they don’t have it, and why behaviour often makes more sense when you stop asking “what’s wrong?” and start asking “where do they belong?”
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, this conversation will challenge assumptions, deepen empathy, and give you practical ways to create environments where people feel seen, safe, and significant.
🔑 Three Key Messages1. Behaviour is often a search for belongingWhat we label as “challenging behaviour” is often a person trying to meet a basic human need - to feel accepted, safe, and significant.
2. Fitting in is not the same as belongingFitting in requires changing who you are. Belonging allows you to be who you are. Confusing the two can lead to long-term emotional cost.
3. Small moments create big impactMicro-messages - remembering a name, noticing someone, showing up consistently - quietly communicate: you matter here.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)00:00 – Introduction and Lisa’s recent work in the US01:20 – Why belonging matters and starting with “unbelonging”04:00 – Care experience, movement, and identity disruption08:45 – How to recognise when someone truly feels they belong12:50 – Belonging vs fitting in (and why it matters)19:00 – The impact of school exclusion on identity and safety21:30 – Why people will always find belonging - even in harmful places24:00 – Gangs, exploitation, and what systems get wrong28:40 – When behaviour pushes people away - what’s really happening32:30 – Don’t take behaviour personally (and how to practise this)36:40 – Micro-messages: how schools signal belonging (or not)43:40 – What a “Web of Belonging” looks like in practice44:40 – Systems, conformity, and the cost of survival behaviour51:30 – Supporting burnt-out staff and carers53:00 – What to say when a child feels they don’t belong56:00 – Conversations parents can have with schools59:50 – Final reflections for children and adults
🎯 Why Listen to This EpisodeIf you’ve ever thought:
“Why are they behaving like this?”“Why won’t they accept help?”“Why does nothing seem to work?”This episode offers a different lens.
It will help you:
Understand behaviour through belonging, not complianceBuild stronger relationships with children, young people, or those you supportReflect on your own experiences of fitting in vs belongingShift from judgement to curiosity in everyday interactions📚 Resources MentionedBelonging & Mattering Audit Tool (Dr Lisa Cherry):👉 https://www.lisacherry.co.uk/belonging-mattering-audit-toolKey themes explored:Belonging vs fitting inMattering and significanceTrauma and relational disruptionSchool exclusion and identityMicro-messages in environments👤 About the GuestDr Lisa Cherry is an author, researcher, and international trainer specialising in trauma-informed practice and systemic change across education, care, and justice systems.
With over 35 years of experience, Lisa has worked globally supporting professionals to better understand and respond to those living with the legacy of trauma. Her research at the University of Oxford explored how care-experienced adults make sense of belonging.
She is the author of:
Conversations That Make a Difference for Children and Young PeopleThe Brightness of StarsWeaving a Web of BelongingCaring for the People Who Care🔗 Connect with LisaWebsite: https://www.lisacherry.co.ukLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisacherryauthor/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlisacherry🔗 Connect with Able Training🌐 Website & Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ 💬 Final ReflectionYou’ll hear a lot in this episode about systems, trauma, and behaviour.
But underneath it all is a simple question worth sitting with:
Who feels like they belong in your world - and who might quietly feel like they don’t?
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“He’s lying.”
It’s a phrase heard in classrooms, homes and care settings every day - often said with certainty. But what if that certainty is where we get it wrong?
In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker challenges one of the most common assumptions in parenting, teaching and caregiving: that lying is always a conscious choice. Instead, he explores a deeper perspective - that behaviour, including lying, is often a strategy to cope with fear, shame, stress or lack of skills.
Through a relatable school scenario and practical step-by-step guidance, Andy breaks down how our responses can either build honesty… or unintentionally teach children to hide. If you support children or vulnerable individuals, this episode will help you move from reaction to understanding - without losing boundaries.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)00:00 – “He’s lying” - the assumption we rarely question01:00 – Behaviour as a coping strategy01:40 – The school scenario: caught with the evidence02:00 – Certainty vs understanding02:30 – The hidden assumption behind “lying”03:00 – Confirmation bias and labelling03:30 – A better question: what was the behaviour doing?04:00 – Stress, needs and behaviour explained05:00 – Why punishment can make lying worse05:30 – The 5-step approach begins05:40 – Step 1: De-escalate the identity attack06:30 – Step 2: Separate facts from feelings06:50 – Step 3: Teach a replacement behaviour07:30 – Step 4: Focus on repair, not punishment08:00 – Step 5: Reflect when calm09:00 – Why children can’t learn in survival mode09:30 – Applying this beyond children (adults & dementia)10:30 – When lying is actually confusion or memory11:00 – The key takeaway: test before you label11:30 – The arm-folding exercise (habit vs awareness)12:30 – Final reflections and practical application
🔑 Three Key MessagesBehaviour is often a strategy, not a character flaw.What looks like lying may actually be a child trying to cope with fear, shame or overwhelm.Punishment without understanding can reinforce the behaviour.If lying protects a child from distress, punishment teaches them to hide it better - not change it.Connection and curiosity create lasting change.When we understand the “why” behind behaviour, we can teach better skills instead of reinforcing fear.🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?You’re a parent, teacher or caregiver dealing with “lying” behavioursYou want practical strategies that go beyond punishmentYou’re looking to balance boundaries with empathyYou want to understand behaviour at a deeper, psychological levelYou’re supporting children, young people or vulnerable adults under stress📚 Resources MentionedAble Target System (ATS) – Practical framework for behaviour supportBook: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker🌐 Able Training & Podcast LinksPodcast: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcastWebsite: https://www.able-training.co.ukLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-supportFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupportInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport💬 A question to reflect onIf a child feels safer lying than telling the truth…what does that say about the environment they’re in?
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Autism can feel overwhelming - not just for the person experiencing it, but for the parents, caregivers and professionals trying to support them.
In this powerful conversation, Andy Baker is joined by Dr Theresa Lyons - international autism educator, Ivy League scientist, and founder of Navigating AWEtism. Blending scientific research with lived experience as a parent, Theresa challenges some of the most common assumptions about autism and offers a different lens: one that focuses on understanding the biology behind behaviour.
Together, they explore why so many families feel lost in conflicting advice, how behaviour can be a form of communication rather than something to “fix”, and what it means to move from overwhelm to clarity. This episode is particularly valuable for anyone supporting autistic individuals who wants a more evidence-informed, compassionate and practical approach.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)00:00 – Introduction and setting the scene01:00 – Why Google gets autism wrong03:00 – What an autism diagnosis actually measures05:00 – Why autism is often misunderstood07:00 – The role of health in autism (and why it’s often ignored)09:00 – Diet, inflammation, and individual differences12:00 – Can autism change over time? Understanding outcomes15:00 – Myths that may be holding families back18:00 – Identity vs diagnosis: an important distinction20:00 – Sensory processing and the nervous system23:00 – What support looks like after diagnosis (and what’s missing)24:30 – Biology behind behaviour explained simply26:00 – Why behaviour is communication28:00 – “Is it autism or behaviour?” - a better way to think30:00 – Cognitive ability vs communication barriers33:00 – Non-speaking individuals and hidden intelligence36:00 – New research and early biological testing39:00 – Moving towards more personalised autism understanding42:00 – Avoiding overwhelm: making evidence-based decisions44:00 – The Navigating Autism Matrix explained46:00 – Real-life changes families have experienced49:00 – Restricted eating and what might be behind it52:00 – Supporting autistic adults with compassion54:00 – Seeing the person on their best day56:00 – What to do when you feel overwhelmed as a caregiver59:00 – Theresa’s mission and final reflections
🔑 Three Key MessagesBehaviour is not random - it’s communication.Whether driven by environment, biology, or unmet need, behaviour always tells a story.
Autism is currently diagnosed by observation - not biology.Understanding underlying health, sensory, and neurological factors can open up new ways of supporting individuals.
Clarity reduces overwhelm.When parents and caregivers move from reacting to understanding, they make more confident, effective decisions.
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?You’re overwhelmed by conflicting autism advice and want clearer direction
You support a child or adult with autism and want to understand behaviour more deeply
You’re interested in the science behind autism, not just the labels
You want practical ways to support communication, wellbeing and development
You’re looking for hope - without unrealistic promises
📚 Resources & MentionsNavigating AWEtism Platform – https://navigatingawetism.com
Dr Theresa Lyons’ LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/theresamlyonsphd/
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/navigating_awetism/
TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@navigatingawetism
Book reference (Amazon) – https://amzn.to/47nfk24
🌐 Able Training & Podcast LinksPodcast: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport
👤 About the GuestDr Theresa Lyons is an international autism educator, Ivy League-trained scientist (PhD, Yale), and parent of a child with autism. She is the founder and CEO of Navigating AWEtism, a platform designed to translate complex autism science into practical, actionable strategies for families. She has supported parents in over 21 countries, helping them move from confusion to clarity using evidence-based approaches.
💬 A thought to leave you withIf behaviour is communication…What might change if we focused less on stopping it, and more on understanding it?
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What if the biggest shift in behaviour support isn’t about techniques… but about how we think?
In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores one of the most underrated skills in caregiving, education and parenting: intellectual humility. The ability to step back and question your assumptions can transform how you understand behaviour - whether it’s a child labelled “attention-seeking”, a student seen as “lazy”, or an adult perceived as “difficult”.
Through relatable stories and practical examples, Andy challenges the way we interpret behaviour, showing how labels can block connection, fuel confirmation bias, and escalate situations. Instead, he introduces a more effective approach built on curiosity, emotional awareness, and understanding the hidden reasons behind behaviour.
If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or unsure how to respond to behaviour that challenges - this episode will help you see things differently… and respond more effectively.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)00:00 - Attention-seeking vs connection-seeking: why framing matters00:35 - The most underrated skill: intellectual humility01:00 - Why we misread behaviour (and overestimate our understanding)01:30 - The “bouncing ball” story: behaviour makes sense in context02:30 - Why past experiences shape present reactions03:00 - How small moments can create lasting emotional impact04:00 - Invalidation, shame, and why “it doesn’t matter” doesn’t help04:30 - The power of curiosity in behaviour support05:00 - Why caregivers lose curiosity under pressure05:30 - The problem with labels like “lazy”, “liar”, or “manipulative”06:00 - How labels fuel confirmation bias07:00 - Why labels create disconnection07:30 - A better question: “Why this, why now?”08:30 - Fixing vs managing behaviour - knowing the difference09:00 - Communication beyond words: tone, body language and presence10:00 - Why calm is the most practical intervention10:30 - How assumptions leak through your communication10:50 - De-escalation through alignment and connection11:30 - Connection before correction in practice12:30 - Key takeaway: labels create lazy thinking13:00 - Why curiosity leads to better care and stronger relationships13:30 - Turning curiosity into consistent practice (Able Target System)
🔑 Three Key MessagesLabels aren’t explanations - they’re shortcuts.They often oversimplify behaviour and reinforce confirmation bias, limiting your ability to see the full picture.
Behaviour always makes sense… in context.What looks like an overreaction might be completely logical when you understand someone’s past experiences.
Curiosity creates connection - and connection changes outcomes.Asking “why this, why now?” helps you respond more effectively while maintaining boundaries and dignity.
🎯 Why Listen to This Episode?You’ll rethink common behaviour labels like “attention-seeking”, “lazy”, or “manipulative”
You’ll gain practical tools to reduce conflict and improve communication
You’ll learn how to balance empathy with boundaries
You’ll understand how your mindset directly impacts the people you support
You’ll walk away with a clearer, calmer approach to behaviour that challenges
📚 Resources MentionedThe Able Target System – A structured approach to behaviour support, de-escalation, and reflection
Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker’s book
The Adaptive Caregiver (coming soon) – A model focused on improving wellbeing and quality of life through adaptive support
🌐 Links & SocialsWebsite: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport
A thought to leave you with:If the behaviour makes no sense to you… is that about them - or about the limits of your current understanding?
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When people think about care homes, they often picture routines, medication, and maybe a bit of bingo. But what if the most important part of care is the part we can’t easily measure?
In this episode, I’m joined by Surraya Sadr, Head of Wellbeing and Lifestyle at Mindful Care, to unpack what wellbeing in care settings really means - especially for those supporting people living with dementia.
We explore the emotional reality of being the person everyone leans on, why wellbeing roles are often misunderstood or undervalued, and how small everyday moments - not big activities - are what truly shape quality of life.
If you’re a parent, teacher, caregiver or support professional, this conversation will challenge how you think about behaviour, connection and what “good care” actually looks like.
🧩 About Surraya SadrSurraya brings a powerful blend of experience across youth work, occupational therapy and dementia care.
Former Dementia Care Coach in the NHS
Led wellbeing across 40+ care homes and 50 staff
Finalist at the National Dementia Awards (Best Wellbeing Lead)
Now Head of Wellbeing & Lifestyle at Mindful Care
Her work focuses on improving dementia care, staff wellbeing, and practical, person-centred approaches that actually work in real settings.
🔗 Resources & Links MentionedMindful Care: https://mindful-care.co.uk/
Wellbeing Forum (April 2026 – Anglia Ruskin University, Cambridge)
Email Surraya: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
💡 Three Key Messages1. Wellbeing is not an “extra” - it’s the foundationIf someone doesn’t feel safe, connected or understood, no amount of task-based care will meet their needs.
2. The most important work is often invisibleThe conversations, the noticing, the small adjustments - this is where real care happens, but it’s rarely measured or valued.
3. You cannot pour from an empty cup (even if you try)Burnout doesn’t arrive loudly. It creeps in through disconnection, anxiety and emotional exhaustion - and many carers ignore it until it’s too late.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters)00:00 – Introduction02:30 – What wellbeing roles really involve (beyond bingo)06:00 – Why dementia care requires emotional skill, not just tasks10:30 – Why wellbeing staff are undervalued in care homes14:30 – Surraya’s journey into wellbeing and dementia care18:30 – What’s improving in care homes (and what still isn’t)22:30 – Signs you might be heading towards burnout26:00 – Compassion fatigue and emotional load in care roles30:00 – Why wellbeing fails in some care settings34:00 – Adapting activities for different cognitive needs38:00 – A real example of turning a struggling team around41:00 – Why mental wellbeing is so hard to measure45:00 – Realistic self-care (not bubble baths)51:00 – How families can support wellbeing teams55:00 – Common challenges shared in wellbeing forums58:00 – Rethinking the “activities coordinator” role1:02:00 – Final message: your worth as a caregiver
🎯 Why Listen to This EpisodeIf you’ve ever:
Felt like behaviour is misunderstood or labelled too quickly
Been the one “holding everything together” for others
Struggled with burnout, guilt or emotional exhaustion
Wondered how to better support someone living with dementia
Questioned why care systems focus more on tasks than people
This episode will give you a different lens.
Not a perfect framework. Not a checklist.
But a more honest, human understanding of what care really requires.
🔄 A Thought to Take AwaySurraya said something that stuck:
“It’s not about big activities. It’s about the everyday moments.”
And maybe that’s the challenge for all of us.
Are we focusing on what’s visible…Or what actually matters?
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Most behaviour doesn’t “come out of nowhere”. Whether you’re caring for a loved one with dementia, supporting a child with big emotions, or working in health, education or social care, there is nearly always a click, click, click moment before things escalate. In this episode, Andy Baker breaks down how to recognise early signs of distress, why logic often fails when the nervous system is activated, and what to do in those crucial seconds before behaviour takes off.
For caregivers, teachers and parents, this episode offers practical tools for calmer responses, safer environments and stronger relationships – without slipping into control, shame or endless firefighting.
Why Listen?If you ever find yourself thinking:
“It came out of nowhere”,
“They go from 0–100 instantly”, or
“Nothing I say gets through”…
…this episode gives you a different lens. You’ll learn how physiology drives escalation, how to reduce triggers you can influence, and how small adjustments can prevent big incidents. This is for anyone who wants fewer meltdowns, calmer homes, more regulated classrooms, and safer care settings.
Three Key MessagesBehaviour escalates physiologically long before it escalates visibly – if we miss the cues, we miss the opportunity.
Connection beats correction in the early stages – logic only works once the nervous system feels safe.
If you want fewer “big” incidents, get obsessed with the “small signals” – curiosity is the most underused de-escalation tool.
Resources MentionedAndy’s book Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge
Able Training courses on behaviour management and de-escalation: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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In this powerful and heart-opening episode, Andy sits down with Ruth Thompson, who leads the dementia carer support services at Dementia Adventure. Ruth has spent years helping families understand dementia in a way that is honest, human and full of possibility. Together, they explore what carers most fear, how to see the person behind the diagnosis, why communication needs to change, and how even the smallest “adventures” can rebuild confidence for both the person living with dementia and the carer supporting them.
This episode is especially meaningful for caregivers, teachers and parents who want to better understand behaviour, reduce anxiety, build trust and reconnect with the person they support. Ruth offers practical tools, lived experience, and gentle reframes that help families breathe again – without pretending the journey is easy.
🔗 Resources MentionedDementia Adventure (organisation homepage): https://dementiaadventure.org
Unpacking Dementia – Facebook Live Series: https://dementiaadventure.org/unpacking-dementia/
Friends & Family Support Sessions: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruth-thompson-677454227/
Email Ruth: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages1. Dementia is a journey, not a switch.The person is still there. The relationship is still there. What needs to change is how we approach communication, expectations and support.
2. Carers deserve support, boundaries and moments of joy.Guilt is common – but unsustainable. Carers must learn to accept help, create small adventures for themselves, and celebrate small wins.
3. Adventure is anything meaningful.It doesn’t have to be a holiday. A cup of tea in the garden, a walk around the block or listening to old music together can reconnect identity, memory and emotion.
⏱️ Timestamps – Your Chapter Guide00:04 – Welcome to RuthIntroductions and the meaning behind “Dementia Adventure”.
01:20 – What does dementia adventure really mean?How the organisation reframes life with dementia.
02:51 – Explaining dementia honestly but without hopelessnessWhy the journey metaphor matters.
05:10 – What unpaid carers fear mostThe questions they arrive with and the lightbulb moments that follow.
07:28 – “Seeing the person before the condition” in real lifeSeparating dementia symptoms from personality.
09:39 – Staying curious about who the person is nowSmall communication tweaks that change everything.
12:12 – The power of shared supportWhy community reduces shame and breaks isolation.
13:10 – Moving from labels to understanding behaviourUnmet needs, curiosity and prevention.
15:08 – Boundaries that protect rather than punishChristmas examples, people-pleasing and saying what you need.
16:19 – Accepting help without guiltWhy carers struggle – and why they shouldn’t.
17:05 – Is it still safe to go on holiday with dementia?How Dementia Adventure assesses needs and supports families.
18:41 – A powerful story of trust-building and anxiety reductionOne couple’s transformation during a holiday.
23:46 – Why change of environment sometimes helpsNature, routine and regulating cognitive load.
26:21 – Long-term benefits of adventureResearch, photos, memories and returning families.
27:53 – The impact on carersReconnecting as partners, not just as carers.
30:14 – Community, connection and ongoing relationshipsHow families support each other year after year.
32:30 – What levels of need can be supported?Mobility, tailored trips, family holidays and flexibility.
35:46 – The guilt conversationMood, motivation and the emotional load of caring.
40:16 – Most common questions on Facebook Live“What one thing can make life better?”
41:32 – Small local adventures anyone can trySupported days out, memory cafés, walking groups.
43:10 – Why familiar adventures still countThe value of routine, simplicity and joy.
46:58 – Tiny adventures to big adventuresFrom forest walks to ziplining and overseas trips.
48:21 – What research is teaching usBrain health, lifestyle changes and unmet needs.
51:22 – Why person-centred care isn’t new – but still isn’t universalThe systemic challenges behind good dementia practice.
52:13 – Final advice: one small adventure this weekSomething that makes you smile – and reconnects you both.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’re supporting someone living with dementia – professionally or personally – this episode will remind you that:
You are not alone.
You don’t need a magic wand.
Behaviour makes sense when you understand the need beneath it.
Small changes in communication often unlock big wins.
You deserve care, rest, boundaries and moments of joy too.
Ruth brings compassion, clarity and practical wisdom to a subject many people whisper about but desperately need help with.
📲 Connect with Ruth ThompsonLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruth-thompson-677454227/
Dementia Adventure: https://dementiaadventure.org
Unpacking Dementia Lives: https://dementiaadventure.org/unpacking-dementia/
📲 Connect with Able Training / Able to CarePodcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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Violence and high-risk behaviour aren’t “just part of the job” – yet many caregivers, support workers and educators quietly accept them as unavoidable. In this solo episode, Andy challenges that belief head-on. Using a real-world adult-care scenario, he explores what truly drives escalation, why incidents often look sudden even when they aren’t, and how teams unintentionally slip into blame, shame and control rather than prevention, planning and compassion.
This episode gives parents, teachers and paid or unpaid carers a clear, practical lens for understanding risk: how to catch behaviours at “2 or 3” instead of “10”, how to hold boundaries without punishment, and how to replace firefighting with detective-level prevention. Whether you support children, adults with complex needs, or older people living with dementia, this message applies across the board: safety is a design choice, not wishful thinking.
🔗 Resources MentionedAble Target System – Shared language and proactive planning for behaviour support.
Train-the-Trainer programmes – Behaviour, physical intervention, and safer de-escalation training.
Free resources & episodes: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages1. Violence is not “part of the job” – and normalising it harms everyone.When staff internalise danger as inevitable, burnout, turnover and defensive cultures follow.
2. Prevention beats crisis management every time.Most incidents become “unmanageable” because the early warning signs at 2, 3, 4 and 5 were missed, dismissed or deprioritised.
3. Boundaries are not the opposite of compassion.You can keep people safe, uphold expectations and act firmly – without humiliating, punishing or controlling those you support.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide00:00 – Naming the problemViolence is not normal, and accepting it damages staff and services.
00:23 – Episode focusUnderstanding harm behaviours without falling into punishment or control.
00:37 – The scenarioAdult services… doorway blocked, objects slammed, staff frozen.
00:55 – The myth of “nothing works with him”Why we must examine earlier moments in the escalation chain.
01:17 – Missed opportunities at 2, 3, 4, 5Prevention overlooked because “I’ve got no time right now”.
01:35 – “No time” becomes an escalating factorWhen deprioritisation plants the seeds for crisis.
02:08 – Shame, blame and defensive reportingWhy “it wasn’t my fault” cultures stop learning.
02:57 – Intellectual honesty in incident reviewWhat really helps teams grow.
03:02 – Control mode in crisisWhy stressed staff instinctively reach for punishment.
03:34 – When staff feel unheardThe emotional cost of devaluing carers.
03:43 – The core problem: prevention is undervaluedOrganisations over-invest in crisis training, under-invest in early planning.
04:06 – Detective mode vs firefighter modeA simple tool for designing safer responses.
04:50 – The danger of living in “firefighter mode”Burnout, repeat incidents and organisational fatigue.
05:21 – Boundaries without punishmentYou don’t have to choose between being kind and being firm.
05:58 – When safety becomes controlWhy ‘winning’ the moment is the wrong goal.
06:19 – Applications across sectorsSchools, parenting, foster care, dementia support.
07:04 – Schools: consequence overdriveRubbers forgotten = detentions? Why this culture harms learning.
07:52 – Parenting: avoiding “daily enforcement mode”Boundaries + nurture = secure, calmer behaviour.
07:49 – Trauma and misinterpreted controlWhy children with trauma histories escalate under pressure.
07:57 – Dementia care: prevention wins againEnvironment, routine and communication over correction.
08:05 – Designing systems, not depending on heroicsWhy proactive culture is the real safeguard.
08:21 – The Able Target SystemShared language, safer staff, predictable support.
08:33 – Closing messageIf you found this useful, please like, comment and share.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode is for anyone who has ever felt:
“We only ever get called when it’s already a crisis.”
“I’m scared to set boundaries in case I escalate things.”
“We’re reacting all day and never getting ahead.”
“I love this work, but I’m exhausted by constant firefighting.”
Andy gives you practical tools to shift from reaction to prevention, challenge unhealthy workplace norms, and hold boundaries with humanity. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of how to keep yourself safe, support others with dignity, and reduce the emotional load on teams, parents and caregivers.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able TrainingPodcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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Most cardiac arrests happen where we least expect them – at home, often in front of the people we love. Yet so many parents, carers, teachers and support workers quietly fear they’d freeze, forget what to do, or make things worse. This week’s guest, Rob Jones, understands that fear more intimately than most. Rob survived a sudden cardiac arrest in the middle of the night because his wife Ruby began CPR on their bedroom floor. Eighteen minutes later, paramedics took over – but it was her hands that kept him alive.
In this episode, Rob shares the real experience of collapsing without warning, what his family lived through in those terrifying minutes, and what recovery actually feels like when your heart has stopped twice. He explains why CPR training isn’t just a workplace tick-box – it’s a life skill that every home, school and community needs. Rob and his wife now run The Idiopath, using lived experience to train others in CPR, resilience and real-world decision-making under pressure.
This is an honest, hopeful, deeply human conversation that will speak to carers, parents, teachers and anyone who wants to feel prepared rather than powerless in an emergency.
🔗 Resources & Guest LinksThe Idiopath – Website: https://www.theidiopath.com/
The Idiopath – Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theidiopath/
Rob Jones – LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rob-jones-8a2504161/
Contact Rob: https://metro.co.uk/2025/11/25/a-thud-night-started-worst-18-minutes-life-24790076/
Able to Care Podcast Hub: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages1. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.Once a heart has stopped, you cannot make the situation worse. Even imperfect chest compressions give someone a chance they wouldn’t otherwise have.
2. CPR is a family skill, not a workplace skill.Most cardiac arrests occur at home. CPR training matters just as much for parents, older children, carers and teachers as it does for clinical staff.
3. Resilience isn’t toughness – it’s adapting when life changes shape.Rob explains how trauma reshaped his identity, his energy, his limits and his choices, and how The Idiopath now helps others build practical, everyday resilience.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide00:05 – Welcome & openingAndy introduces Rob and the conversation begins.
00:27 – The night everything changedRob collapses; Ruby realises something is terribly wrong.
01:11 – Ruby’s response under pressureInstinct, panic and the moment CPR begins.
02:22 – Hearing the 999 call backRob describes the shock of listening to real panic.
03:29 – Processing what happenedThe surreal reality of causing distress you can’t remember.
04:09 – Waking in hospitalConfusion, wires and the slow realisation of cardiac arrest.
05:55 – 18 minutes of CPRThe statistical reality: survival and brain damage concerns.
07:18 – Ambulance arrival and transfer of careWhy CPR before crews arrive matters most.
08:29 – Returning to “normal” lifeWork, recovery, setbacks and the second heart stoppage.
09:41 – When the defibrillator firesThe moment Rob’s ICD restarts his heart.
10:38 – Rethinking life, stress and purposeTurning lived experience into service.
11:14 – The birth of The IdiopathUsing real stories to educate and prevent more loss.
12:23 – The fear of doing CPR “wrong”Why you can’t make a dead person more dead.
13:44 – Common myths and barriersHurting someone, legal fears, rescue breaths and reality.
16:34 – Hands-only CPR in real lifeWhat it looks like and what training does (and doesn’t) prepare you for.
18:59 – CPR songs, rhythm and real-world limitationsFrom ‘Staying Alive’ to questionable modern hits.
21:15 – What learners really askDragging someone from bed, tight spaces, “what if…?”
23:31 – Fear of being suedWhy the Good Samaritan principles protect responders.
24:41 – Why YOU need CPR trainingParents, carers, teachers – and why home is the highest-risk environment.
26:03 – Connecting with other survivorsSupport groups, trauma, and lived experience beyond the arrest.
28:07 – When CPR failsHonest conversations about loss and statistics.
31:23 – Living after cardiac arrestInvisible recovery, fear, identity and resilience.
34:49 – The Idiopath’s five pillars of resilienceTools for stress, energy, emotion and adaptation.
37:04 – Why people book CPR after hearing Rob’s storyLived experience creates behaviour change.
39:17 – Why small businesses need CPR tooBarbers, shops, youth clubs and the silent risks.
40:28 – One action for listenersIf you do just one thing: learn CPR.
41:32 – CPR as an act of lovePreparing your future self – and protecting those you care for.
43:00 – Teaching children CPRWhy early exposure matters and how young kids can learn safely.
46:04 – Where to find Rob & The IdiopathContact information and next steps.
46:35 – Closing message from AndyTake the nudge: learn CPR today.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode is for anyone who has ever quietly wondered:
Would I freeze?
Would I know what to do?
Could I really save someone I love?
Rob’s story strips away the myths, the guilt and the fear around CPR.He and Andy talk frankly about panic, recovery, trauma, resilience, and the emotional aftermath that textbooks never mention. Whether you're a parent, a care worker, a teacher, or simply someone who wants to be ready for the unthinkable, this conversation will leave you more confident, more informed and more compassionate toward yourself.
You don’t have to be fearless – you just have to be willing.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able TrainingPodcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcastInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperienceLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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In this solo episode, Andy explores one of the most painful dilemmas in dementia care: When someone repeatedly asks for a loved one who has died, is telling the truth always the kindest thing to do? Using the scenario of Margaret – a woman living with dementia who searches anxiously for her husband – Andy explains why connection before correction is essential not only in dementia care, but also in parenting, teaching, trauma-responsive work, and supporting distressed adults.
Through real scenarios and practical tools, Andy unpacks what distress really looks like, why a nervous system in panic cannot process facts, and how small relational shifts can reduce anxiety, prevent escalation, and build trust.Perfect for unpaid carers, family members, teachers, support workers and care-home staff, this episode gives you a compassionate roadmap for responding to distress without shame, fear or accidental cruelty.
🔗 Resources MentionedAble Target System – Behaviour support framework for consistent, compassionate responses.
Adaptive Carer Model – Care roles and strategies for dementia support.
Andy’s Blog & Podcast Episodes on connection, communication, and behaviour.
Training & Courses via Able Training: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
✨ Three Key Messages1. “Honesty” isn’t always kind – impact matters more than intention.Correcting someone with dementia can recreate the pain of bereavement again and again. Emotional truth often protects dignity better than factual accuracy.
2. Connection before correction is not optional – it’s the intervention.Whether in care homes, schools or families, a dysregulated nervous system cannot absorb logic. Safety first, facts later.
3. Behaviour is communication, not defiance.A person calling out for Teddy may be expressing fear, loneliness, confusion or sensory overload – not seeking information. Respond to the need, not just the question.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide00:00 – The emotional dilemma“Where’s my husband?” – is honesty kind or cruel?
00:20 – Why dementia changes how truth landsPainful reminders can hit like repeated fresh bereavements.
00:43 – Introducing Margaret’s storyAnxiety, wandering, sensory triggers, and the search for Teddy.
01:17 – Why people still reorientate bluntlyTraining gaps, new staff, overwhelmed families, and assumptions.
01:54 – Intent vs impactMalice isn’t the issue – misunderstanding is.
02:39 – Honesty is contextualFrom Anne Frank to dementia care – when honesty can harm.
03:10 – Therapeutic truthBest-interest-led communication rather than literal accuracy.
03:50 – Capacity, reactions and emotional patternsHow to judge whether reminding helps or harms.
04:41 – Connection before correctionEmpathy, grounding, validating feelings, calming the nervous system.
05:10 – What is Teddy really representing?Loneliness? Safety? Confusion? Emotional needs beneath the question.
05:40 – Why logic doesn’t reach a distressed brainAmygdala activation, panic, and the need for co-regulation.
06:25 – Prevention matters more than crisis managementNoise, environment, routine, familiarity and reducing triggers.
07:14 – Emotional availability in careSlow steps, calm tone, small choices, predictable routines.
07:55 – Walking, redirecting & environment shiftsPractical ways to settle a distressed person.
08:14 – Using these principles beyond dementiaSchools, parenting, foster care, trauma, and dysregulated children.
09:03 – Why “I told you already” makes things worseEmotional orientation beats factual orientation every time.
09:58 – Trauma, time-travel and stress responsesWhy distressed behaviour isn’t disrespect or defiance.
10:40 – The risk of confrontationWhen challenging a belief creates threat rather than clarity.
11:20 – The big takeawayConnection isn’t a technique – it is the intervention.
11:54 – Tools you can use: Able Target System & Adaptive Carer ModelHow to structure responses without increasing power struggles.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode is for you if:
You support someone with dementia and feel stuck between “being honest” and “being kind”.
You work in education or care and want trauma-informed communication tools.
You’re a parent struggling with repeated questions, meltdowns or emotional overwhelm.
You want practical, compassion-first strategies that genuinely reduce distressed behaviours.
You want to understand why logic fails when emotions run high – and what works instead.
If you’re tired, overwhelmed or worrying that you’re “getting it wrong”, this episode brings clarity, relief and concrete steps you can use immediately.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able TrainingPodcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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In this powerful and reassuring conversation, Andy speaks with Michelle Reshef-Ash, CEO of Dementia Prevention UK and a PhD researcher at University College London, whose work bridges cutting-edge research with real-world, accessible dementia-prevention support for families and communities.
This episode unpacks the big questions that parents, teachers, carers and support workers ask every day:
Can dementia really be prevented?
How much do genes matter?
What small changes genuinely make a difference when real life is busy, stressful or overwhelming?
How do we talk about dementia without shame, fear or blame?
Michelle offers clear, compassionate science, practical habit-building tools, and an honest look at the inequalities that shape people’s opportunities for good brain health. From supporting overstretched carers, to helping underserved communities, to empowering people in their 40s, 50s and beyond to take realistic steps – this conversation gives you hope without hype, and guidance without guilt.
If you support others – or simply want to protect your own long-term wellbeing – this episode is packed with insight you can use today.
🔗 Resources & Links MentionedDementia Prevention UK – workshops, programmes and community tools: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
Michelle Reshef-Ash (LinkedIn): https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
NHS App – track blood tests and biomarkers
Topics discussed: Alzheimer’s gene APOE4, biomarker checks (vitamin D, cholesterol, BP), COM-B behaviour-change model, epigenetics, movement for mood, social connection benefits.
✨ Three Key Messages1. Dementia prevention is about lowering risk, not promising certainty.The aim isn’t perfection – it’s improving quality of life and reducing vulnerability through realistic, sustainable habits.
2. Your opportunities shape your health as much as your motivation.People in underserved or stressful environments aren’t lacking willpower – they’re often lacking accessible, safe and affordable options.
3. Caregivers don’t need more pressure – they need compassion, boundaries and support.For carers, the most protective “brain health habit” is reducing self-blame and prioritising emotional wellbeing.
⏱️ Timestamps – Chapter Guide00:00 – Welcome & setting the sceneStorms, virtual chats and the big question: can dementia be prevented?
00:43 – Can dementia be prevented?Why prevention really means risk reduction – and why honest language matters.
02:13 – Understanding statistics & common misconceptions“My grandmother smoked till 96” – why anecdotes aren’t evidence.
02:43 – What does a brain-healthy life actually look like?Realistic habits, not Instagram wellness.
03:50 – Why brain health matters beyond dementiaQuality of life, resilience, sleep, routine and long-term wellbeing.
04:39 – The dangers of “miracle cures” & misleading claimsSmoothies, apps, supplements – and why humility is essential in brain science.
07:30 – Genetics, family history & the boat analogyWhy having a gene increases risk but doesn’t seal your fate.
09:27 – Biomarkers everyone should checkBlood pressure, cholesterol, vitamin D, iron levels – and why.
11:55 – Medication, risk and honest conversations with your GPHow to explore alternatives safely.
13:42 – Dementia prevention also lowers other health risksCardiovascular, diabetes, obesity, depression, anxiety.
16:53 – Seasons of life & being kind to yourselfWhy behaviour change isn’t linear and shouldn’t be guilt-driven.
18:14 – The first three changes that give the biggest payoffMovement, social connection, and reducing alcohol.
21:24 – Sleep, routine and tiny habit anchorsWhy predictability matters more than perfection.
25:59 – Habits come in groupsHow one small change often triggers others.
27:34 – Behaviour change without “just” or shameWhy language matters when encouraging new habits.
28:47 – Dementia prevention in underserved communitiesBarriers, opportunities and the reality of daily stress.
32:47 – Affordable changes for real familiesCarrots, frozen veg, safe walking groups, social support.
36:27 – Supporting exhausted carersCompassion, boundaries, self-forgiveness and mental health as prevention.
40:57 – The importance of being known to servicesWhy families should contact charities & social services early.
42:49 – Is it too late for older adults?Never. Change always helps – at any age.
47:22 – What changes when people understand their brainMovement, medication review, mindset shifts, empowerment.
51:36 – Memory lapses, panic and early warning signsThe “Which D?” rule – Dementia, Depression, Vitamin D.
58:31 – Changing the conversation in families, schools & workplacesFrom fear to empowerment.
1:00:39 – The one kind step to take this weekBook a GP appointment and be honest about your fears.
💡 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode is essential if you:
Support someone with dementia or fear a diagnosis yourself.
Work in education, care or community settings where brain health matters.
Want practical, culturally aware, non-judgemental guidance.
Feel overwhelmed, tired or guilty about your lifestyle and want realistic steps.
Want to understand how trauma, stress, inequality and opportunity shape health.
Need reassurance that it’s never too late to make meaningful change.
Michelle brings depth without doom, hope without false promises, and compassion without judgement.
📲 Connect with MichelleWebsite: https://dementiapreventionuk.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-reshef-ash/
Email: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.
Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.
🔗 Resources MentionedAndy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”A practical guide exploring the Six-Stage TARGET model and the Able Target System.
Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.
Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)
🔑 Three Key Messages1. Behaviour is a strategy, not a character flaw.Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?
2. Safety, certainty and control drive more behaviour than consequences ever will.When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.
3. Real change happens when we make old behaviours unnecessary, not when we punish them.Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapter Guide)00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing foodWhy survival strategies look like “bad behaviour”.
00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s storyHow early neglect shapes unconscious responses long after safety returns.
01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logicWhy children (and adults) don’t simply “turn off” old coping strategies.
02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptionsGreedy, manipulative, controlling? Or scared, uncertain and adapting?
02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour supportWhen we decide the narrative too early, we start hunting for evidence to support it.
03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate ModelUnmet need → Stress → Strategy (adaptive or maladaptive).
04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptiveContext is everything. Behaviour makes sense in the world it was born in.
05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually workMeeting needs, reducing stress, adding predictability, offering safe control.
06:39 – Reducing shame triggersWhy calling out, teasing or “catching them in the act” backfires dramatically.
07:59 – Adding friction, not punishmentSmall adjustments that turn unhelpful habits into less appealing options.
09:11 – Broadening the lens across settingsSchools: pencil stealing, avoidance, reassurance seekingParenting: sneaking food, lyingAdult care: swapping items for certaintyDementia: rummaging, packing, hiding items
10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?Stopping isn’t enough – replacing is essential.
11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour changeMake the new behaviour easy, obvious, attractive and rewarding.
11:48 – The Able Target SystemHow to apply these principles across any care or education environment.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode is for you if:
You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.
You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.
You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.
You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.
You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.
You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able TrainingWebsite: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver wondering “Why is this child always in trouble at school?” this conversation will land. Dr Neil Alexander-Passe – teacher, researcher, exam access assessor, and author – unpacks what schools often misread in neurodivergent behaviour (dyslexia, ADHD, autism), why “naughty” can be a disguised help request, and how shame, repeated failure, and isolation-style discipline can build school-based trauma. You’ll also hear practical steps for spotting needs early, how to push for screening and support, and how simple shifts (like not doing your child’s homework for them) can create the evidence schools can’t ignore. Neil also connects the dots to the “school-to-prison pipeline” – not as scare-mongering, but as a systems warning and a call for earlier, wiser intervention.
Chapter timestamps (for easy listening)00:00 – Why neurodivergent children are “always in trouble” at school
03:10 – The three groups teachers often see: “naughty”, “quiet”, and “middle”
05:33 – What school feels like from the inside with dyslexia and ADHD: shame, threat, learned helplessness
12:52 – “School-to-prison pipeline” explained in plain terms
13:52 – Hidden literacy needs and prison systems that assume reading and writing
19:06 – What adults misread: disruptive behaviour as a masked request for help
22:40 – EBSA, school distress, and why “avoidance” can be the wrong frame
31:22 – Homework: why doing it for your child backfires – and what to do instead
34:59 – Language that shapes mindset: grades vs effort, global labels vs specific feedback
38:19 – Practical screening clues: early signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and autism
44:05 – Rebuilding identity after “I’m stupid” / “I’m the bad kid”: strengths, passions, and the right tutor
47:25 – Post-school success: neurodivergent strengths, entrepreneurship, and support networks (including AI tools)
52:09 – A message for exhausted teachers: ask “why” before punishment
54:26 – Hope: inclusion awareness and the changing role of SENCOs
56:16 – Parent takeaway: don’t wait, raise concerns early, and don’t be pushed into removing your child
57:55 – Mainstream vs specialist provision, EHCP realities, and why Year 5 timing matters
01:04:12 – Neil’s upcoming books (including neurodivergent entrepreneurs)
Three key messagesBehaviour is often communication – and “naughty” can be a child protecting themselves.Avoidance, clowning, shutdowns, and meltdowns can be self-protection when work feels impossible or humiliating.
Early identification beats late consequences.Neil argues primary school is the best window for meaningful observation and support – because secondary systems can become too fragmented to “see” the child properly.
Stop feeding shame – in school and at home.Public failure, isolation-style discipline, and “I’m rubbish at…” language create learned helplessness. Specific feedback, effort-focused praise, and strengths-based identity building can change trajectories.
Resources mentioned in the conversationScreeners and early identification: Neil recommends parents do their own initial research and use screeners for dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, then push the school with something concrete rather than “my child is struggling”.
EBSA and school distress: the idea that what’s labelled “emotionally based school avoidance” may often be better understood as school-based distress caused by the environment.
EHCP, PRU, managed moves: discussion of how systems and placements can unintentionally intensify difficulties when underlying needs aren’t properly supported.
Homework boundary strategy: allow a set time (eg 30–40 minutes), stop, then add a note stating how long your child worked and what they managed – so home and school evidence matches.
Martin Seligman’s work: shifting from global labels (“I’m rubbish at maths”) to specific struggle areas – and focusing praise on effort rather than grades.
Using AI as an accessibility tool: an example of simplifying language (eg menus) to support independence and reduce shame.
Why listen to this episodeBecause it challenges a common (and tempting) assumption: “They’re in trouble because they’re choosing it.”Neil keeps pulling the lens back to systems, shame, and unmet needs – and that’s uncomfortable in a useful way. If you’re supporting a child who’s labelled disruptive, withdrawn, lazy, or “always in isolation”, this episode gives you language, framing, and next steps that are practical – not fluffy.
About Dr Neil Alexander-PasseDr Neil Alexander-Passe is a London-based teacher, researcher, author, and exam access assessor specialising in the emotional lived experience of learning differences. He completed a PhD in 2018 on dyslexia, traumatic schooling, and post-school success, and has published multiple peer-reviewed papers and books exploring dyslexia, ADHD, autism, trauma, and outcomes including the “school-to-prison pipeline”.
Featured / upcoming books mentioned
The Mind and Motivation of Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs (DIO Press).
Neil also mentions a forthcoming 2026 title on dyslexia, art, and school-based trauma (as discussed in the closing minutes of the episode).
Connect with Dr Neil Alexander-PasseLinkedIn: Dr Neil Alexander-Passe
Follow Able to Care / Able Training🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Able Training 📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker
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In this solo episode, behaviour specialist and author Andy Baker unpacks one of the most overlooked parts of behaviour support: what happens after the incident. Whether you’re working in a school, supporting adults in care, or navigating tough moments at home, the post-incident debrief is often where the real growth happens – yet most settings rush it, avoid it, or unintentionally turn it into another punishment.
Andy breaks down why restorative conversations fail when done too soon, too harshly, or with the wrong focus, and offers a simple, practical framework for debriefing that protects dignity, reduces shame, builds connection and genuinely improves future behaviour. This episode is essential listening for caregivers, parents, teachers, support workers and anyone navigating distress or dysregulation in others.
🧰 Resources MentionedAndy's Book – Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That ChallengeA practical guide featuring the full Six-Stage TARGET Model and the PERFORM Debrief Framework.(Listeners are directed to the link in your episode description.)
Able Target System – Trauma-informed, restorative, person-centred behaviour support framework embedded throughout Andy’s training and consultancy.
🔑 Three Key MessagesDebriefing is learning, not punishment.If all we take from an incident is a report form and a bruise, we’ve wasted pain that could have become insight.
Restorative practice only works when shame is removed.When people feel heard, their brain reopens to learning. When they feel shamed, reflection shuts down.
Boundaries and humanity belong together.Restorative approaches don’t remove limits – they strengthen them by pairing accountability with connection.
⏱️ Chapter Timestamps00:00 – Why debriefing matters more than we thinkThe hidden stage most settings skip – and why outcomes suffer when they do.
00:24 – Where schools, care services and parents go wrongCommon mistakes: retraumatising conversations, shame responses, and “confession-based” debriefs.
01:14 – Learning from incidents: the fire analogyWhy incident forms aren’t enough without meaningful reflection.
02:23 – Why we avoid debriefsShame, fear of judgement, time pressures and the myth that “they won’t learn anyway”.
03:33 – Punishment vs restorative learningWhy consequences don’t automatically create insight.
04:12 – Supporting the adults tooThe emotional impact on staff and caregivers – and what reflective practice should include.
05:26 – The PERFORM Debrief ScriptA step-by-step walkthrough:
P – Prepare
E – Explore the story
R – Reflect on feelings and needs
F – Feedback on impact
O – Ownership through repair
R – Responsibility for next time
M – Map the future
08:53 – A real-life story: shouting match avoidedHow one parent transformed a tense evening into connection through the right questions.
10:18 – Why shouting never teaches what we think it doesFear creates compliance, not growth.
12:14 – The true purpose of restorative practiceConnection, rehearsal, emotional safety and future-proofing behaviour.
13:34 – Behaviour is like the weatherHow to become the “behaviour weatherman” through the TARGET model and emotional insight.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?This episode will help you if:
You want to repair relationships after meltdowns, crises or confrontations.
You support children or adults who experience overwhelm or dysregulation.
You feel stuck repeating the same incidents without seeing change.
You want a script, not just theory.
You’re trying to build a culture of safety, dignity and accountability.
If you’re a parent, teacher, care worker, foster carer, SENCO, TA, support worker or leader in education or care, this episode will give you grounded, real-world tools to use today.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able TrainingPodcast Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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What if preparing for the future wasn’t morbid… but empowering?In this episode, I sit down with Vicky Jones, founder of Ourlives, former social care director, mum of two, and someone who learned early in life that everything can change with a single knock at the door. Drawing on 25 years in health and social care, her own ADHD diagnosis, sobriety journey, and the sudden loss of her father, Vicky is on a mission to stop people waiting for crisis before taking action.
Whether you’re a paid carer, an unpaid family caregiver, a teacher supporting overwhelmed families, or a parent trying to balance your own future alongside your children’s, this conversation offers something essential: clarity, calm, and a roadmap for what so many people avoid thinking about until it’s too late.
We unpack why people discount their future selves, the emotional blocks that stop families having conversations they desperately need, and the key steps every adult should take long before aging, illness or caring responsibilities hit.
🌐 Resources & Links MentionedOurlives – Future planning community & toolsWebsite: https://www.ourlivesapp.comLife Audit (free questionnaire): Add link once live
Connect with Vicky JonesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-jones-2906ab83Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourlivesappTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ourlivesappEmail: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
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If you’ve ever felt like you’ve “tried everything” with a child or adult showing distressing behaviour—this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Andy Baker, behaviour specialist and author of Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge, breaks down the misunderstood world of Positive Behaviour Support (PBS).
With real-life examples and practical insights, Andy explores why PBS is more than a poster on the wall. It’s a mindset and a method—rooted in assessment, adaptation and empathy. Whether you’re a caregiver, teacher, or parent, this episode offers a compassionate and science-backed look at how to reduce distress, not just manage behaviour.
🧰 Resources Mentioned📘 Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker: Buy on Amazon
🧠 The Able Target System: able-training.co.uk/ats
🖥️ Learn more about Able Training’s behaviour courses: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
🧩 Three Key MessagesPBS isn’t soft—it’s strategic. It’s about analysing the function of behaviour, not just punishing the form.
Every behaviour has a benefit. If you don’t see it, you’re not asking the right question yet.
Focus on skill-building, not shaming. Replacement behaviours work best when they meet the same need in a safer way.
⏱️ Chapters & Timestamps00:00 – Behaviour vs Punishment: Why "we’ve tried everything" often isn’t true
00:42 – What is Positive Behaviour Support?: A real-world breakdown
01:08 – Integrating Trauma-Informed Practice: Going beyond the behaviour
02:01 – The 6-Stage TARGET Model: Andy’s unique approach to PBS
03:43 – Real-World Example: Head-Scratcher Strategy
06:19 – Skill-Building vs Compliance: Teaching safer ways to meet needs
07:42 – Autonomy and the Competing Pathway
08:29 – Why PBS Often Fails (and how to fix it)
10:21 – Book Excerpt: Weathering Behaviour with Insight
🤔 Why Listen to This Episode?If you’re a parent or carer constantly firefighting distress without long-term change
If you’re a teacher struggling to apply behaviour policies to neurodiverse students
If you want a clear, compassionate alternative to sanctions, shame, and suppressionThis episode offers tools you can start using today—rooted in neuroscience, not guesswork.
🔗 Connect with Us🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining📲 LinkedIn: Able Training📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast🌐 Website: Able Training📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker - Show more
