Episodes
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Mindfulness burnout prevention helps therapists, counsellors and psychologists notice early signs of exhaustion, emotional fatigue and professional disconnection before burnout becomes entrenched.
In this bonus episode of Attach Together, Darren speaks with Christopher Dines, author, mindfulness practitioner, coach and former DJ, about MBP: Mindfulness Burnout Prevention. Christopher has published eight books on mindfulness and addiction, including The Kindness Habit, co-authored with Dr Barbara Mariposa.
This conversation explores how mindfulness burnout prevention supports mental health professionals at risk of burnout, isolation and emotional depletion. Rather than simply focusing on meditation, MBP encourages awareness of thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, lifestyle, relational needs and professional limits.
For attachment-informed practitioners, this matters deeply. Therapists often become a secure base for others, yet may struggle to notice when their own capacity is becoming depleted.
🔎 What You’ll Learn
What mindfulness burnout prevention meansEarly warning signs of therapist burnoutThe difference between tiredness, exhaustion and burnoutWhy therapists can feel isolated in modern practiceHow online therapy has changed professional connectionWhy community helps prevent emotional depletionHow mindfulness creates space, clarity and regulationWhy asking for help is a professional strengthCommon Search Questions
What is mindfulness burnout prevention?
Mindfulness burnout prevention uses awareness, reflection and supportive community to help therapists notice and respond to early signs of professional fatigue.How does burnout affect therapists?
Burnout can lead to exhaustion, apathy, resentment, reduced empathy, isolation and feeling disconnected from clinical work.Why is community important for therapists?
Community offers therapists connection, reflection and support from others who understand the emotional demands of the work.How does mindfulness help prevent burnout?
🕑Chapters
Mindfulness helps practitioners notice stress, bodily tension, emotional withdrawal and reduced capacity earlier, supporting better boundaries and self-care.00:00 Welcome to this bonus episode
Resources MentionedMindfulness Burnout Prevention: mindfulnessburnoutprevention.comChristopher Dines’ books on mindfulness and addictionThe Kindness Habit by Christopher Dines and Dr Barbara MariposaOptima Health Services CPD certificate and reflection packOptima therapist retreat with Darren, Jo and guest speaker Linda CundyFREE CPD Certificate & Reflection Pack
01:25 What is MBP?
02:25 Christopher’s recovery journey and mindfulness practice
05:54 When mindfulness became more widely recognised
07:07 How MBP developed for therapists and psychologists
09:21 Warning signs of burnout
11:15 What support can look like
12:51 The emotional demands of therapy work
14:02 Online therapy, isolation and the shrinking gap between work and life
15:59 Key takeaways: asking for help and finding community
17:20 Bonus reflection on retreats, group meditation and practitioner supportYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Attachment defences in therapy are protective patterns clients use when they feel relationally threatened, emotionally exposed, or unsafe in connection. In this final episode of Season One of Attach Together, Georgina and Darren return to the foundations of attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy to explore how defences show up in the counselling room - and how therapists can respond with patience, curiosity and clinical care.
This episode is especially relevant for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and therapy trainees who want to deepen their attachment-informed practice. Rather than viewing defences as resistance or pathology, Darren invites us to understand them as normal human strategies for safety, shaped by early relational experience.
Attachment defences in therapy are not signs that a client is difficult or unwilling. They are often the client’s best attempt to stay safe.
🔎 You’ll Learn
The difference between attachment traits and attachment defencesHow avoidant and preoccupied attachment patterns intensify under pressureWhy clients may withdraw, escalate, intellectualise or seek reassuranceHow therapists can avoid colluding with defensive strategiesThe role of mentalisation, countertransference and pacingHow PACE - patience/playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy - can support attachment-informed therapyWhat to consider when meeting clients, former clients or your own therapist in professional spacesCommon Questions
What are attachment defences in therapy?
Attachment defences in therapy are protective strategies clients use when they feel unsafe, vulnerable or relationally exposed. They often develop from earlier experiences where closeness, need, conflict or emotional expression felt risky.How do attachment defences affect relationships?
Attachment defences shape how people manage conflict, closeness and vulnerability. Some people withdraw to feel safe, while others intensify bids for connection, reassurance or validation.How do attachment defences appear in counselling?
In counselling, defences may appear when a client feels emotionally close, challenged, misunderstood or exposed. They may become cognitive, shut down, seek reassurance, argue their position, change the subject or test whether the therapist will remain steady.How should therapists respond?
Therapists can slow the pace, stay curious, avoid shame and notice what the defence is protecting. The task is not to dismantle the defence too quickly, but to build enough relational safety for exploration.🕑 Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Attach Together
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00:16 Welcome and episode context
01:28 Why focus on attachment defences?
02:32 What is attachment?
03:05 Attachment traits versus defences
05:02 Defences under pressure
08:17 Defences as safety strategies
10:04 Using attachment defences in practice
10:44 Avoiding collusion
12:10 Working with avoidant defences
13:17 Countertransference and therapist responses
15:43 Pace, PACE and attachment-informed work
17:47 Understanding our own patterns
18:00 Normalising attachment defences
20:35 Dilemma: seeing clients out of context
21:08 Contracting and professional boundaries
24:55 Re-contracting at endings
25:07 Optima retreat update
26:30 Season One closing reflectionsYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy are all central to this episode as Darren is joined by Gav, counsellor, tutor, and attachment-based psychotherapist, for a grounded conversation about the link between trauma and attachment in clinical practice.
This episode explores a vital idea for therapists: trauma is not only about what happened, but also about what did not happen - the safety, attunement, soothing, and protection that were missing when they were needed most. Together, Darren and Gav unpack how early relational wounds shape attachment styles, emotional regulation, trust, and adult relationship patterns, and how these dynamics show up in the counselling room.
You’ll hear a practical discussion of secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachment, including why disorganised attachment can feel especially destabilising in therapy. The conversation also looks at how clients may move towards closeness and then pull away, why defences develop for good reason, and why attachment-informed work often requires patience, pacing, and a strong focus on relational safety.
For counsellors in training and qualified practitioners alike, this episode offers a clear and clinically useful framework for understanding how trauma and attachment are often inseparable. Darren and Gav also reflect on therapist self-awareness, countertransference, burnout, and the importance of regulation in the room.
The episode closes with a thoughtful counsellor dilemma on contact between sessions, exploring how boundaries, client need, and the therapist’s own attachment pattern can all shape the response.
🔎What you'll learn
trauma through an attachment lenshow unmet needs shape internal working modelssecure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised attachmenttrust, regulation, and defences in therapycountertransference and therapist self-awarenessboundaries and between-session contactCommon questions answered in this episodeWhat is attachment trauma?
Attachment trauma is the emotional and relational impact of early caregiving experiences where a child’s needs for safety, attunement, soothing, or protection were not met consistently.How does attachment trauma affect relationships?
It can shape trust, closeness, emotional regulation, self-worth, and the expectations people carry into adult relationships.How does attachment trauma show up in therapy?
🕑Chapters
It may appear as avoidance, dependency, fear of closeness, dysregulation, intellectualising, boundary-testing, or difficulty trusting the therapist.00:00 Introduction
🎓Resources Mentioned
01:02 What trauma often means to people
03:33 Trauma as what did not happen
05:30 Attachment styles explained
07:20 Disorganised attachment and fear
09:22 Countertransference and therapist awareness
10:32 Burnout, self-care, and regulation
11:26 How trauma shows up in the room
13:41 Why the work takes time
17:35 Dysregulation, addiction, and soothing
20:20 Counsellor dilemma: contact between sessions
23:01 Therapist attachment and boundaries
24:10 Final reflections• Optima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based Psychotherapy
FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships and therapy all shape how clients experience food, soothing and care. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by therapist, supervisor and Optima tutor Jo Oxley to explore attachment and disordered eating through an attachment-informed lens.
Attachment and disordered eating is not only about food choices. It can reflect early relational experiences around feeding, comfort, attunement, shame, reward, control and soothing. Jo explores how food may become more than nutrition: it can carry memories of care, absence, pressure, comfort, deprivation or emotional survival.
In this episodeJo and Darren explore how feeding is one of the earliest attachment experiences we have, and how those moments can shape internal working models around safety, need, nurture and self-soothing. The conversation also considers how family dinner-table dynamics, emotional neglect, reward systems, and modern digital distractions may all influence a person’s relationship with food.
🔎What you’ll learnHow feeding becomes an early relational experience, not just a biological oneWhy food can become linked to comfort, soothing and emotional survivalThe role of family dinner-table dynamics in shaping later food patternsWhy food may function as a substitute attachment figureThe difference between disordered eating and a formal eating disorderHow shame, guilt, reward and self-denial can become entangled with eatingWhether different insecure attachment styles may relate differently to foodHow therapists can work with clients who bring food into the therapy room🕝 Chapters00:00 Introduction
Common questions
01:24 Why explore attachment and food?
03:00 Feeding as an early attachment experience
06:19 Family dinner tables and relational meaning
08:23 Phones, disconnection and food rituals
10:09 Food as soothing, reward and shame
12:16 Food addiction and emotional regulation
17:53 Which attachment styles are most affected?
20:35 Therapeutic takeaway for practitioners
23:25 Dilemma: client eating during the session
28:21 Training opportunities at Optima
31:47 Closing reflectionsWhat is attachment and disordered eating?
It is the link between early attachment experiences and later patterns of using food for comfort, control, soothing or emotional survival.How does attachment affect eating patterns?
Attachment affects how people regulate distress, seek comfort, experience need and relate to care. Food may become a way to manage feelings when relational soothing feels unavailable or unsafe.How can disordered eating show up in therapy?
Clients may describe bingeing, yo-yo dieting, guilt around food, using food as reward, or bringing food into sessions as a form of comfort, defence or relational support.What should therapists listen for?
🎓Resources Mentioned
Listen for the story beneath the food: early feeding experiences, family dynamics, shame, comfort, self-worth, loneliness, stress and unmet relational needs.• Optima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based Psychotherapy
Linda Cundy — Love in a Digital AgeFREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Attachment Supervision for Therapists: Understanding Attachment Styles in Therapy & Professional RelationshipsAttachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy all come together in this episode as we explore supervision through an attachment-informed lens. Rather than viewing supervision purely as a space for guidance and skill development, this conversation reframes it as a deeply relational process rooted in attachment dynamics.
Darren is joined by Georgina Sturmer, BACP-accredited psychotherapist, supervisor, and lecturer in attachment-based psychotherapy, to explore how supervision functions as both a secure base and safe haven for therapists.
🔎What You'll Learn1. Supervision as a Secure BaseSupervision provides a foundation for exploration and growthTherapists need emotional safety to reflect honestlyCo-regulation enhances clinical thinking and presence2. Attachment Styles in SupervisionAnxious (preoccupied) supervisees may seek reassuranceAvoidant (dismissive) supervisees may intellectualise and avoid emotional reflectionSecure supervision supports flexibility across all functions3. The “Attachment Dance”Dynamics between supervisor and supervisee mirror relational patternsGroup supervision introduces systemic attachment processesAwareness reduces blind spots in clinical work4. The Three Functions of Supervision Through an Attachment LensRestorative (emotional support)Normative (ethical accountability)Formative (learning and development)
Attachment styles influence where therapists feel most comfortable.🕝Chapters00:00 Introduction to Attachment Supervision
Common Questions
02:00 Supervision as a Relational Space
03:45 Secure Base & Safe Haven in Supervision
06:00 Attachment Styles in Supervisees
09:00 The Attachment Dance in Supervision
12:00 Avoidant vs Anxious Dynamics
14:30 Choosing a Supervisor
17:30 Listener Dilemma: Avoiding Challenges in Supervision
20:00 Final ReflectionsWhat is attachment supervision in therapy?
Attachment supervision in therapy is a relational approach to supervision that considers how attachment styles influence the supervisory relationship and clinical reflection.How do attachment styles affect supervision?
Attachment styles shape how therapists engage in supervision, including their comfort with feedback, emotional reflection, and vulnerability.Why is supervision a relational space?
Supervision involves attunement, trust, and co-regulation, making it similar to therapy in its relational depth.How can supervision improve therapy outcomes?
FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection Pack
When therapists feel safe and supported, they can reflect more deeply, leading to more effective and ethical client work.You can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website.
Attachment theory, attachment styles, relationships, and therapy are all deeply connected through the concept of mentalization in therapy. In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by Joanne Kay, psychodynamic and attachment-based therapist and Level 5 trainer, to explore one of the most essential - and often misunderstood - processes in attachment-informed practice.
Mentalization in therapy refers to our ability to make sense of our own internal world while also holding the mind of another person. It is a foundational capacity that develops within early attachment relationships and directly impacts how clients engage in therapy, relationships, and emotional regulation.
🔎What You’ll LearnWhat mentalization actually means in clinical practiceHow mentalization develops through early attachment relationshipsThe difference between baseline (trait) and moment-to-moment (state) mentalizingWhy mentalization collapses under stress and dysregulationThe link between nervous system regulation and reflective capacityHow therapists can adopt a not-knowing stanceRecognising when certainty replaces curiosity in the therapy roomWorking with “resistance” through a mentalizing lensThe role of supervision in restoring reflective thinking🕝Chapters00:00 Introduction
Common Questions
01:24 What is Mentalization?
03:09 Mentalization as Attachment Process
05:50 Not-Knowing Stance in Therapy
07:46 Development in Early Relationships
09:29 Trait vs State Mentalization
11:55 Regulation and Mentalizing
14:00 Ruptures in Therapy
16:54 Core Definition
18:46 Client “Resistance” Explored
21:05 Therapist Self-Reflection
23:05 Supervision and MentalizingWhat is mentalization in therapy?
Mentalization in therapy is the ability to understand thoughts, feelings, and intentions in ourselves and others within relational contexts.How does mentalization affect relationships?
It allows individuals to interpret behaviour with curiosity rather than assumption, improving emotional connection and reducing conflict.Why does mentalization collapse under stress?
Because dysregulation activates survival responses, limiting access to reflective thinking and higher brain integration.How can therapists support mentalization?
🎓Resources Mentioned
By prioritising regulation, maintaining a not-knowing stance, and modelling curiosity in the therapeutic relationship.• Optima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based Psychotherapy
Bowlby - Attachment TheoryPeter Fonagy - Attachment Theory and PsychoanalysisFREE CPD Certificate & Reflection PackYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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🎓 Get your CPD certificate from our website.
Understanding Attachment Styles, Mentalisation & RelationshipsHow do attachment relationships shape the development of theory of mind?
In this episode of Attach Together - an attachment theory podcast for therapists, Darren and Jo explore the relationship between attachment theory, theory of mind, emotional regulation and relational development.
Theory of mind - sometimes called mentalisation - is the ability to understand that other people have their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and intentions.
Through an attachment lens, this capacity develops within secure caregiving relationships. When caregivers respond sensitively and reflectively, children begin to understand both their own mind and the minds of others.
But when early attachment experiences are marked by anxiety, disconnection or emotional overwhelm, this developmental process can be interrupted.
For therapists working with attachment styles and relational patterns, understanding theory of mind provides powerful insight into:
emotional regulationrelational misunderstandingsperspective takingtherapeutic stucknessThis conversation also explores how therapists can help clients develop theory of mind within the therapeutic relationship.
Jo shares practical clinical insights including Daniel Siegel’s hand-brain model, ways to bring the prefrontal cortex back online, and how calming the nervous system allows clients to think about minds more reflectively.
The episode finishes with a clinical dilemma many therapists will recognise: The client who is always late.
Through an attachment-informed perspective, the discussion explores how lateness might relate to:
avoidance strategiesanxiety about emotional closenesspractical life pressurestherapeutic pacing and safety🔎Key Takeaways for Therapists• Attachment theory provides the soil in which theory of mind develops
🕝 Chapters
• Secure caregiving supports the ability to understand other minds
• Anxiety can take the thinking brain offline
• Regulation helps restore reflective capacity
• Therapy can help clients develop mentalisation later in life
• Slowing the therapeutic pace can support relational safety00:00 Introduction to the Attach Together Podcast
🎓Resources Mentioned
01:40 What Is Theory of Mind in Attachment Theory?
04:00 How Children Develop Theory of Mind
06:10 The Famous Smarties Experiment Explained
08:20 Attachment Security & Mentalisation
10:45 The Hand Brain Model (Daniel Siegel)
13:20 Anxiety, Cortisol & the Thinking Brain
15:00 Regulation Techniques for Clients
17:00 Using Theory of Mind in Therapy
21:40 Therapist Dilemma — The Client Who Is Always Late
24:00 Avoidant Attachment & Therapy Engagement
26:00 Final Takeaway for Therapists• Daniel Siegel - Hand Brain Model
FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection Pack
• Simon Baron-Cohen - Theory of Mind ResearchYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Understanding Disorganised Attachment in Relationships, Trauma & Attachment-Informed TherapyDisorganised attachment is one of the most complex and misunderstood attachment styles in attachment theory.
In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by counsellor and attachment-based psychotherapist Gav McKee to explore how disorganised attachment develops, how it shapes adult relationships, and how therapists can work safely and effectively with clients who carry unresolved attachment trauma.
For therapists working with trauma, personality disorder presentations, complex PTSD, or dissociation, understanding this attachment style is essential.
This conversation explores the clinical realities of working with unresolved attachment in therapy, including relational dynamics, emotional dysregulation, dissociation, and the importance of pacing and safety.
🔎What You'll Learn• What disorganised attachment is and how it develops
Clinical Takeaways for Therapists
• The research of Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main and Judith Solomon
• The concept of fright without solution in attachment theory
• How trauma can be transmitted across generations
• Why disorganised attachment often appears alongside complex PTSD
• The push-pull dynamic often seen in adult relationships
• Emotional flooding, dissociation and shame in attachment trauma
• Why safety and stabilisation must come before trauma processing
• How therapists can become a consistent and regulating relational presence• Disorganised attachment often originates when the caregiver is both comfort and threat
🕝Chapters
• Clients may experience intense approach-avoid patterns in relationships
• Emotional dysregulation and dissociation are common presentations
• Therapy must prioritise relational safety before trauma processing
• The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a corrective attachment experience00:00 Introduction to the Attachment Theory Podcast
01:40 What Is Disorganised Attachment?
03:25 Fright Without Solution Explained
06:52 Intergenerational Trauma and Attachment
08:34 How Disorganised Attachment Appears in Adults
11:29 Relationship Patterns and Emotional Dysregulation
13:17 Working Safely with Disorganised Attachment
15:19 The Therapist as a Secure Base
18:55 Can Disorganised Attachment Be Resolved?
23:34 Clinical Dilemma: Dissociation in Therapy
26:02 Grounding Clients in the Therapy Room
27:11 The Value of Attachment Training27:11 The Value of Attachment Training
🎓Resources Mentioned• Mary Ainsworth – Strange Situation research
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• Mary Main & Judith Solomon – Disorganised attachment classificationYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
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Preoccupied Attachment, Attachment Theory, Therapy & Relationships
In this episode of Attach Together - the attachment theory podcast for counsellors and psychotherapists, we explore anxious ambivalent attachment, often described as preoccupied attachment.
We explore how anxious ambivalent attachment develops, how it appears in adult relationships, and how therapists can support clients experiencing intense relational anxiety, reassurance seeking and fear of abandonment.
Host Darren, BACP-accredited counsellor and attachment-based psychotherapist, is joined by Uruj Anjum, BACP-accredited psychotherapist, supervisor and lecturer in attachment-based psychotherapy at Optima.
Together, they unpack:
• What preoccupied attachment means beyond the stereotype
🔎What You'll Learn
• How inconsistent caregiving shapes anxious ambivalent attachment
• Why reassurance seeking and overthinking often appear in relationships
• The nervous system dynamics beneath attachment anxiety
• Why preoccupied clients are often drawn to therapy
• The therapeutic task of slowing emotional overwhelm
• Boundary management with reassurance-seeking clients
• Understanding the “doorknob confession” through an attachment lensPreoccupied attachment is protection, not pathology
Clients with anxious attachment styles often developed sophisticated strategies in childhood to maintain closeness with unpredictable caregivers.
Emotional intensity reflects attachment alarm.
When connection feels uncertain, the attachment system activates strongly - creating hypervigilance to tone, messages and relational shifts.
Therapy focuses on containment and mentalisation.
Slowing down emotional overwhelm allows clients to move from pure emotional activation toward reflective thinking.
Boundaries create safety
Maintaining consistent boundaries is a crucial part of providing a secure therapeutic base.
🕝Chapters:00:00 Introduction to the Attach Together Podcast
FREE CPD Certificate & Reflection Pack
02:10 What Is Preoccupied Attachment?
04:50 Fear of Abandonment in Attachment Styles
07:00 How Anxious Ambivalent Attachment Develops
10:20 The “Full Fridge” Metaphor Explained
11:27 Working With Preoccupied Clients in Therapy
13:40 Slowing Down Emotional Overwhelm
16:00 Repetition and Circular Narratives in Therapy
18:20 Boundaries With Preoccupied Clients
20:05 Therapist Dilemma: The Doorknob Confession
22:20 Maintaining Boundaries in Session
24:50 Why Boundaries Matter for Clients
25:20 Closing ReflectionsYou can download the FREE CPD Certificate for this episode via our website www.optimahealthservices.co.uk and join our listener list to receive the Reflection Pack for future episodes.
🎓 Resources MentionedOptima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based PsychotherapyBowlby - Attachment TheoryIf this episode supported your practice, follow the podcast and share it with a colleague interested in attachment theory and attachment styles in therapy.
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In this episode of Attach Together, we explore one of the most misunderstood attachment styles: avoidant attachment.
What does avoidant attachment really mean from an attachment theory perspective? How does it show up in the therapy room? And how can therapists build connection without overwhelming clients who experience closeness as unsafe?
Darren and Georgina unpack:
How avoidant attachment develops in early caregiving environmentsWhy “independence” can actually be compulsive self-relianceThe emotional cost of being praised for stoicismWhat therapists feel in the room (countertransference clues)Humour, intellectualising and distance as protective strategiesHow to work slowly and relationally to build safetyWhen boundary-testing may signal growth, not resistanceDrawing on attachment theory, relational practice and insights from John Bowlby and Stan Tatkin, this episode offers grounded, practical reflections for counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and trainees.
If you’ve ever felt deskilled, distanced or unsure how to “reach” an avoidant client - this conversation will reassure and guide you.
🔎 What You’ll LearnWhat Avoidant Attachment Really Is
Not procrastination. Not laziness. But a protective relational strategy shaped by early experiences where emotions felt unsafe or unwelcome.Clues in the Therapy Room
Flat affect, humour, intellectualising, minimising, brief communication - and the therapist’s own felt sense of distance.Why We Must Go Slowly
Building safety may mean resisting the urge to “go to feelings” too quickly.Compulsive Self-Reliance vs True Independence
How attachment patterns are reinforced by societal praise - and the hidden emotional cost.Boundaries & Contact Between Sessions
⏱ Chapters
Why an avoidant client reaching out may represent relational growth - and how to respond in an attachment-informed way.00:00 – Introduction to the Attachment & Relationships Podcast
🎓 Resources MentionedOptima Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory & Attachment-Based PsychotherapyRestoring Your Secure Base: Attachment-Informed Therapist Retreat
02:00 – What is Avoidant Attachment?
05:00 – Why Avoidant Clients Rarely Seek Therapy
08:00 – Building Safety Before Emotion
11:00 – Humour, Deflection & Therapist Spidey Senses
15:00 – Compulsive Self-Reliance Explained
18:00 – Moving Beyond Defences
21:00 – Dilemma: Clients Contacting You Between Sessions
25:00 – Attachment-Informed Boundaries
28:00 – Level 5 & Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment-Based PsychotherapyIf this episode supported your practice, follow the podcast and share it with a colleague interested in attachment theory and attachment styles in therapy.
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Internal Working Models in Attachment Theory: What They Are and How Therapy Updates Them
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In this episode of Attach Together, Darren is joined by Jo Oxley (founder of Optima) to unpack one of the most important concepts in attachment-informed practice: internal working models (also called inner working models).
Jo explains models are formed and become an unconscious “blueprint” for how we experience ourselves, other people, and relationships. With a wonderfully accessible metaphor (yes, Inside Out makes an appearance), They explore how secure beginnings can build a sense of worth and safety, and how inconsistent or emotionally unavailable care can lead to avoidant or preoccupied strategies in later life.
They discuss why shame and fear often sit underneath insecure attachment patterns, and how therapy supports change by building new relational experiences - creating “new pathways” that can gradually replace old default routes.
This episode is a grounded, practical listen for counsellors, psychotherapists, trainees, and anyone wanting to understand how attachment patterns show up in real life -and how they can be updated.
TakeawaysWhat are Internal Working Models?
Understand models as unconscious templates formed through attachment experiences -shaping expectations of self, other, and relationship.Secure vs Insecure: How Early Experiences Become a Blueprint
Explore how attuned caregiving tends to support confidence and exploration, and how emotional unavailability or inconsistency can shape threat-based expectations.Avoidant Strategies: “I’ll Cope on My Own”
How avoidant patterns develop as a protective strategy when care is unreliable, and why shame can sit underneath self-reliance.Preoccupied Strategies: Fear, Hypervigilance, and Reassurance-Seeking
Understand inconsistency fuels uncertainty and alarm, often leading to clinging, protest, and push–pull relational dynamics.How Therapy Helps Update IWM
Why change happens in relationship — and how repeated new experiences can build new neural pathways (the “new path through the woods” idea).Therapist Dilemma: When a Client is Distressed by Friendship Breakdown
A short reflection on working with relational rupture, meaning-making, and bringing patterns into awareness through the body and the therapeutic relationship.If You Found This Episode Helpful…If this episode supported your practice or your learning, please follow the podcast and share it with a colleague or fellow trainee who enjoys attachment-informed conversations.
Resources Mentioned in This EpisodeOptima Training Programmes – Level 5 and Level 7 Diplomas in Attachment Theory and Attachment-Based Psychotherapy (https://optimahealthservices.co.uk/attachment-psychotherapeutic-counselling-level-5-diploma-cpcab/)Restoring Your Secure Base: Attachment-Informed Therapist Retreat – A two-day retreat with teaching, reflection, rest, and CPD https://optimahealthservices.co.uk/therapist-retreat/There is a CPD reflection pack available if you would like this please click this link and we will send you all the resources including, reflective questions, 3 things to try in your practice and insights.
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