Episodes
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Timestamps
00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces the Q&A
02:02 Q1 Anger management
10:52 Q2 Controlling screen time
16:51 Q3 Keeping bedroom clean
21:18 Q4 Choosing not to drink & identity
24:23 Q5 Alcohol standards & split homes
30:42 Q6 How to bring up issues without being critical
36:06 Q7 8 y/o on screen time
36:59 Q8 Overcoming generational trauma
42:07 Q9 What to do when lacking strong male role models
44:15 Q10 Neurotypical children - learning at school
51:26 Q11 Do we share our past mistakes with our kids?
53:53 Q12 Sport + the boy code
56:11 Q13 What if they donât want to spend time with you?
58:11 Q14 'Fitting in' at school & choosing good friends
01:00:36 Q15 How to talk about pornography & masturbation
01:11:19 Q16 Brain science in boys & girls
01:11:41 Q17 Teenage son feels they don't love him enough
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When our boys grow up, it hurts. The heartbreaking grief that comes as our sons grow up and donât need us anymore is not spoken of often enough. At the same time, there is an incredible joy that comes from watching them fall in love and take steps to begin their own life. In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Mia Freedman talk about our boys growing up, how to teach them good principles, and how to let go of them when the time is right.
Timestamps00:18 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Mia Freedman01:54 What is masculinity to Mia?04:47 Do boys really believe they aren't as good?07:00 Misrepresenting feminism09:25 The biggest issues for boys and parents13:59 The pool metaphor19:43 Don't shame them21:40 Responding to inapproriate behaviour without shame26:52 Teaching them good principles31:56 Be the best boy in the room32:47 Parental grief39:19 Final messageMia FreedmanMia Freedman is the co-founder and Chief Creative Officer of the Mamamia Womenâs Media Company in Australia.
Mamamia has an audience of more than six and a half million women every month and is also the largest womenâs podcast network in the world, with over 173 million listens and 46 different shows. She is also the founder of Lady Startup. An education-based community supporting female-founded small businesses, helping them launch and grow through online courses, podcasts, and social media.
Mamamiaâs core purpose as a business is to make the world a better place for women and girls. Before founding Mamamia as a blog in her lounge room in 2007 and becoming one of Australiaâs best-known digital entrepreneurs, Mia was a magazine editor, national newspaper columnist, radio presenter, and TV host. She was named one of Australiaâs 100 Most Influential Women by the Financial Review and is a former chair of the federal governmentâs Body Image Advisory Board.
She is an ambassador for Rize Up, a charity supporting women and children fleeing domestic violence, and Share The Dignity, which supports women and girls facing poverty and homelessness. Mia is the author of four books including the best-selling Work, Strife, Balance and she hosts two award-winning podcasts, Mamamia Outloud and No Filter, Australiaâs leading interview podcast. Mia has three children, two dogs, and runs the Mamamia Womenâs Media Company with her husband, Jason Lavigne, who is the CEO.
The wheels of her bus fall off regularly.
ResourcesMia Freedman - websiteMamamiaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Itâs easy to convince ourselves they our boys are not the ones participating in sexist jokes or watching pornography with their mates at school, because they have such good manners around us. But perhaps that is not the full truth. In this engaging conversation, Bec Sparrow and Dr Justin Coulson discuss how to help our boys develop their identity and morality, recognize good relationships, and set healthy boundaries with their friends.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Bec Sparrow01:39 The biggest challenge parents face with boys05:33 Parental obliviousness to kidsâ behaviour 10:43 Conversations about sex16:24 Boys vs girls friendships21:26 âRuminatingâ23:48 Red flags 27:04 Green flags29:38 Personal boundaries35:27 Consent40:34 Peer pressure and being a 'simp'44:56 Male inappropriate bonding52:01 Developing values and identity54:48 Belief leads to identity57:42 3 quick tips1:00:08 Whatâs something you wish everyone knew about you?Bec SparrowOver the past 25 years Rebecca Sparrow has earned a living as a travel writer, a television publicist, a marketing executive, a magazine editor, a TV scriptwriter, a radio producer, a newspaper columnist and as an author.
She is the author of three best-selling novels The Girl Most Likely, The Year Nick McGowan Came to Stay and Joel and Cat Set The Story Straight (co-authored with Nick Earls).
Aside from writing books Rebecca has written for Mamamia, co-hosted two seasons of the award-winning health and happiness podcast The Well with Robin Bailey and played Agony Aunt to teenagers across the country on the Ask Me Anything podcast. She also talks to thousands of school students (and their parents!) every year about friendship, resilience, giving back and how to have a more positive experience online. Rebecca is an ambassador for The Pyjama Foundation and Suncorpâs #TeamGirls initiative. In 2018 she was invited to sit on the Queensland Governmentâs Anti-Bullying Taskforce.
Rebecca lives in Brisbane with her husband Brad, her three kids and two labradoodles (one of whom is INCREDIBLY naughty).
ResourcesRebecca Sparrow - website
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Many boys are taught from a young age that they must be âtoughâ and hide their emotions. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Professor Marc Brackett discuss how parents can give their boys âpermission to feelâ all of their emotions. Marc Brackett also shares with us how to increase our emotional intelligence and become a better emotion coach for our boys.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Marc Brackett01:29 Establishing the gender of this conversation02:12 Boys and their emotions05:19 Expression of emotions is a nurture not nature issue09:41 How to change the culture?13:25 Effects of masking emotions15:22 Willingness to demonstrate empathy18:05 Nurturing our boysâ emotions24:05 Permission to feel all emotions26:40 Theory vs in-practice29:10 Justin shares an incident - naming your emotions32:20 Deactivating parental emotions35:40 Emotion regulation37:14 Final messageProfessor Marc BrackettMarc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His grant-funded research focuses on the role of emotions in learning, decision making, creativity, relationship quality, wellbeing, performance, and organizational climate; the measurement of emotional intelligence; and the influence of emotional intelligence training on key life outcomes.
Marc has published over 150 scholarly articles, received numerous awards, and is featured regularly in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, and The Today Show. He also is on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL).
Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 3,000 public, charter, and independent pre-school through high schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. Research shows that RULER boosts academic performance, decreases bullying, enriches classroom climates, reduces teacher stress and burnout, and enhances teacher instructional practices.
Marc regularly consults with large companies on best practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into training and product design. He is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a corporate learning firm that develops innovative digital learning systems for emotional intelligence.
Marc speaks to tens of thousands of people each year and has been the keynote speaker at over 500 conferences around the world, including the White House, U.S. Departments of Education, Justice, and Defense, the Surgeon Generalâs office, the New York Times, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as dozens of education conferences.
Marc is the author of Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive, published by Celadon (Macmillan), which has been translated into 20 languages.
ResourcesMood Meter AppPermission to Feel | Professor Marc BrackettSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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The âman boxâ is the set of beliefs that society has defined as what it means to be a âreal manâ. When men try to step outside this, they are pushed back into the box of how they should think and behave. Matt Tyler, passionate about this topic, shares with Dr Justin Coulson in this conversation how to undo âtoxic masculinityâ, gender stereotypes, and break down âman boxâ behaviour. The astounding life outcome statistics that result from living in the man box will blow you away.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Matt Tyler01:11 Mattâs backstory02:31 The Menâs Project05:27 The Man Box13:42 The Man Box in Australia 14:18 Perceived social pressures 16:24 Personal endorsement of man box themes18:30 Endorsement vs beliefs21:20 Life outcomes of living in the man box 22:14 Sexually harrassing women24:50 Physical violence27:55 Australian boys in the Man Box29:20 Four adolescent man box sub pillars29:27 Constant effort and bravado30:03 Emotional restriction30:37 Heterosexism35:43 Social teasing37:41 Impact on society from the Man Box42:06 How can parents overcome the Man Box?49:43 Other concrete strategiesMatt TylerJesuit Social Services
Matt Tyler is the executive director of The Menâs Project at Jesuit Social Services working with a team committed to providing leadership on the reduction of violence and other harmful behaviours prevalent among boys and men. A particularly important part of this work is broadening the definition of what it means to be a man by translating findings from The Menâs Projectâs Man Box research into practice.
Matt brings to his role over 10 years of experience across the private, public, academic and community sectors. Prior to joining Jesuit Social Services he worked as a fellow for Harvardâs Government Performance Lab, focused on child protection, and he has also worked on projects related to family violence and mental health. He is trained as an economist with a particular focus on statistics, holding a Master of Public Policy from Harvardâs Kennedy School and Honours in Economics from Monash University.
ResourcesThe Menâs ProjectThe Man BoxThe Man Box and LanguageModelling Respect and Equality Program â a case studySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Boys are absolutely capable of emotional vulnerability. But they are often more comfortable opening up within close friendships than without. Here Michelle Mitchell and Dr Justin Coulson dive into the topic of connection and communication with our boys. They also cover emotional expressiveness and handling big emotions.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Michelle Mitchell01:33 Introduction to the topic04:00 The hurdles that boys face today09:12 Emotional expressiveness10:33 Boys want us to hear their âman voiceâ14:03 Balancing kindness and limits16:23 We talk to boys differently19:29 We have a lower expectation on boys to behave good20:27 Emotional and physical outlets 23:23 Be clear on your family values26:04 Competitiveness in boys and girls33:28 Big emotions 35:51 Validating statements and empathy41:04 Parents can be needy43:25 Responding to boys when theyâre riled up46:33 Setting limits49:53 Building blocks for better communication54:41 Boys and puberty56:54 Final practical tipsMichelle MitchellMichelle Mitchell is an award-winning speaker, and bestselling parenting author. She has been termed âthe teenage expertâ by the media and is sought after for her compassionate and grounded advice for parenting tweens and teens. Michelle started her career as a teacher, but soon discovered a special interest in wellbeing. She left teaching in 2000 and founded Youth Excel, a âboutiqueâ health promotion charity which delivered tailor made life skills programs and psychological services to thousands of young people and their families each year. Today she uses her experience to write and speak in schools, community events and through media.
ResourcesMichelle Mitchell - websiteA Guy's Guide to Puberty | Michelle MitchellThe Everyday Resilience Journal | Michelle MitchellSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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During adolescence, boys have an innate need to undergo a ârite of passageâ in order to prove themselves and become a âmanâ. If we donât provide this challenge for them, they seek it out themselves. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Dr Arne Rubinstein discuss together the transition from boy to man and the key role that parental respect and acknowledgement plays in boys' growth.
Timestamps00:20 Dr Justin introduces Dr Arne Rubinstein01:29 Dr Arneâs backstory06:41 Rites of passage11:28 Boys to men psychology14:59 Raising a teenager before they become a teenager20:13 Dadâs role and single mums23:03 Rites of passage through time26:10 Rites of passage now30:19 Parents need to grow with their boys33:09 Parental grief 38:01 Adolescent attitude42:20 Creating your own 'rite of passage'45:20 Final messageDr. Arne RubinsteinFounder & CEO, The Rites of Passage Institute.
Dr. Arne Rubinstein is an internationally recognised expert on Childhood Development and Rites of Passage. His programs have been attended by over 250,000 people in more than 20 countries around the world and are now a part of over 50 schools around Australia.
Dr Arne is a medical doctor and specialised first in Family Medicine and then spent 15 years in Emergency Medicine until he moved full time creating Rites of Passage programs for parents and their children.
He is the author of the best-seller The Making of Men and has won multiple awards for his work including being nominated in 2008 for Australian of the Year for his groundbreaking work with youth, providing much-needed answers and tools to support a generation of young men and women be happy and motivated about life.
Dr Arne is the proud father of two wonderful young men and a mentor to many others.
Downloads7 Strategies To Build Healthy Relationships With Your Sons.pdfHow to Parent Teenagers.pdfResourcesThe Rites of Passage InstituteThe Rites of Passage ExperienceThe Making of Men | Dr Arne RubinsteinSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Donât worry alone. That is key. Too often we put on a mask and try to pretend everything is ok because we donât have the emotional muscle to tell the truth. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Gus Worland discuss suicide prevention, vulnerability, and how to stay mentally fit.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Gus Worland01:05 Gusâs backstory06:25 How did Gus get into suicide prevention?12:35 Dr Justin shares the story of his Uncle 15:53 What protective factors bolster mental health?20:24 Parents donât have to know everything23:28 How to help boys fight the pressure to fit in?27:57 Parents are too busy29:30 The masculine expectations on year 10 boys34:32 ManUpâs influence on Gusâ relationship with his son37:55 Two key messages from Gus41:17 Dr Justinâs experience with blowing up
Gus WorlandFounder of Gotcha4Life Foundation
Family man. Friend. Sports fan. Founder. Australian radio host and TV personality Gus Worland is the driving force behind mental fitness charity Gotcha4Life.
Gus set up the not-for-profit foundation in 2017 to help people develop the emotional muscle, resilience and social connections needed to build mental fitness and prevent suicide.
A compassionate bloke, Gus wears his heart on his sleeve.
But that heart was shattered the day news arrived that Angus - his friend, mentor and father figure - had taken his life. Angus seemed to have it all â a beautiful family, home, great job, the respect and friendship of many. But he had something else too. Inner worries that were eating away at him. And he never told anyone about it. The stigma around mental health stops too many from reaching out and asking for help when life throws challenges our way.
Gus was driven to action. In 2016, he hosted three- part documentary series Man Up, lifting the lid on the relationship between masculinity, social isolation, mental health and suicide.
The attention it received created awareness â but Gus knew more was needed. âIt is time for action- time to draw a line in the sand to engage, educate and empower people about mental fitness.â
Gotcha4Life was founded.
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Pornography, Sex, Honour, Consent. The big conversations we need to have with our boys. In this discussion with Dr Justin Coulson and Glen Gerreyn, they discuss the importance of making pre-decisions of what kind of man you want to be in each of these areas and the damage that can come from getting it wrong.
Timestamps00:18 Dr Justin introduces Glen Gerreyn01:34 Glenâs backstory06:52 Glenâs speaking history and purpose10:38 Dr Justinâs anecdote with his daughter12:42 Inappropriate behaviour14:05 Raising a man of honour | Conversations16:23 Dr Justin shares a second anecdote18:12 Raising a man of honour | Role modelling21:06 Talking about sex and consent25:50 A uni-focused brain28:30 Dr Justin's summary of key points30:22 Consequences of not talking about sex (rape)32:45 Pornography38:02 Desensitisation41:02 A message of hopeGlen GerreynFor the past twelve years Glen has made speaking and writing his career. Collectively he has spoken to over 500,000 people around the world. He works with children and parents, high school students, employees and business leaders, sporting groups and community organisations. In 2012 he received international accreditation as a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP). He's spoken at world famous TEDx events, appeared on the Today Show and Can of Worms, ABC national radio, and written blos for mamamia.com. He's written four books â Gifted for Greatness, Men of Honour, Oxygen 102, Get Your Hopes Up.
Glen lives in Sydney's leafy North Shore with his beautiful wife, three daughters and son.
ResourcesThe HopeFull InstituteMen of Honour | Glen GerreynSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Screens are like ice cream! We canât expect our boys to exhibit perfect self-control around technology, just like we donât always have perfect self-control around sweets. Therefore as parents, we have a responsibility to set healthy boundaries for them to guide their technology use. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Brad Marshall tackle the big topic of âgamingâ and screen usage for boys.
Timestamps00:18 Dr Justin introduces Brad Marshall02:46 Defining internet addiction and gaming disorder08:27 When should a parent be worried about screen use?11:06 The main reason boys are drawn into games19:25 The parent struggle21:45 What can parents do?26:05 Using a collaborative approach32:02 How much screen time?38:03 Good content vs bad content42:12 Scenarios from other parents 44:14 Scenario 1 | Gaming and online gambling47:09 Scenario 2 | Rules not changing their habits50:54 Scenario 3 | âThey need technology for homeworkâ57:07 Scenario 4 | Can we expect our boys to self-regulate?59:48 Key principles Brad MarshallThe Unplugged Psychologist ~ Psychologist and Director of the Internet Addiction Clinic @ Kidspace
Iâm Brad Marshall, The Unplugged Psychologist. Iâm the Director of the Internet Addiction Clinic @ Kidspace where I have helped hundreds of families struggling with internet, screen and gaming addiction. I provide parents with practical and concrete strategies to manage and maintain their childrenâs technology diet.
Born and raised in Australia, I have been working with children, adolescents and families since 2006. After completing my undergraduate studies at Macquarie University, I accepted a position in the U.S.A. treating children and adolescents experiencing extreme behavioural difficulties. I then returned to Australia to complete my Masters qualification at the University of Sydney, and more recently a Masters of Research and as a PhD Candidate at Macquarie University studying treatment pathways for children suffering from Internet Gaming Disorder.
I specialise in treatment of young people experiencing excessive internet use or âInternet Addictionâ; and related disorders. In my clinic, I routinely help families find a balance between healthy screen time and problematic overuse.
My parenting book, âThe Tech Diet for your Child & Teen; The 7 step plan to regain your kidâs childhood (and your Familyâs Sanity)â has now been published worldwide, by HarperCollins. âThe Tech Diet for your Child & Teenâ provides real-life strategies that any parent can implement to create a healthy balance and put your kidsâ development first. Based on solid psychological research explaining why screen addiction is so powerful, my jargon-free advice gives a clear plan for parents who have had enough and are serious about changing the way their kids use and interact with technology.
I am an accomplished and well respected presenter and invited guest speaker, providing professional development to teachers and health professionals, and running seminars for parents, school students and teachers. I also run seminars and workshops in the corporate space, presenting and speaking to staff about the benefits of healthy internet use at home and in the family, and to be productive and balanced when at work. For more information on this or to book a presentation, please get in touch,
I have been interviewed for my opinion on a scope of mental health issues across the media; including providing consultation for Channel 7âs Sunday Night Program, Channel 9âs The Today Show, and Channel 9âs A Current Affair. I have also been quoted in and interviewed for a multitude of news and newspaper articles. I am an active member of Network for Internet Investigation and Research Australian.
ResourcesThe Unplugged PsychologistParenting Video SeriesThe Tech Diet for Your Child & Teen | Brad MarshallSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Paul DIllon discuss whatâs actually happening with our boys around alcohol, drugs, vaping and other substances in the schoolyard. They also share ways to bring up the drug and alcohol conversation with our boys so they can learn to make healthy decisions when they are out in the real world.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Paul Dillon01:37 Differences in drug use from young men and young women03:17 Alcohol18:23 Drugs27:10 Vaping32:26 Talking to your kids about it40:42 Tobacco44:16 Percentage of young people smoking46:12 Stimulants 48:56 Notes to parents about drugs51:55 Paulâs concluding wordsPaul DillonDrug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA)
Paul Dillon has been working in the area of drug education for more than 25 years. Through his own business, Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA) he has been contracted by many organisations to give regular updates on current drug trends. He continues to work with many school communities across the country to ensure that they have access to good quality information and best practice drug education. With a broad knowledge of a range of content areas, Paul regularly appears in the media and is regarded as a key social commentator, with interviews on television programs such as Sunrise, TODAY and The Project.
ResourcesDARTA
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As parents we have a tendency to only talk about risk and danger when it comes to sex. Instead, if we change this focus to responsibility and joy, our boys will view sex differently, their partners differently, and make safer, healthier, and wiser choices. In this conversation with Dr Justin Coulson and Peggy Orenstein, they discuss where challenging male sexual behaviour come from and how to give your boys a healthier understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intercourse.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces Peggy Orenstein01:42 Where do challenging sexual behaviours come from?03:50 What is it like for boys growing up?08:57 Why does âmasculinityâ impact on boysâ sexuality?10:43 The disconnect in boysâ behaviour at home and outside - assault and consent15:21 Expectations put on boys16:46 Vulnerability and âThe Hook-Up Cultureâ19:23 Tips for parents for a conversation about âgood sexâ24:06 Pornography26:46 Talking to your kids about Pornography33:37 Consent 38:14 How to teach consent? 44:16 Summary of key points so far from Dr Justin45:50 Gay boys are a model of consent49:04 Central take-home messages51:53 Last message of hope from PeggyPeggy OrensteinPeggy Orenstein is an internationally-recognized speaker and author of, among others, the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex, Cinderella Ate My Daughter and the classic SchoolGirls. A contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, Peggy has also written for such publications as The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker. She has been a featured expert on television and radio programs throughout the world. Her TED Talk, âWhat Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,â has been viewed over 5.6 million times.
Digital ResourcesChanel Contos - the consent petitionPeggy's websiteResources for positive sexualityTalking to younger kids about sexBooksBoys and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America
Girls and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America
Cinderella Ate My Daughter | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America
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Dr Justin discusses how we can raise strong, caring boys in the current climate. Heâll explain why itâs vital that our boys know who they are and that they matter, as well as share practical ways you can teach your son empathy and to respectfully say and hear ânoâ.
Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces his topic
02:15 Culture & the messages we send boys
05:57 Dr Justinâs schoolyard anecdote
08:12 The lowest acceptable behaviour
13:13 'Don't be a simp'
16:42 We have a cultural problem
22:50 You can set the masculinity culture in your family
25:13 The boy crisis
26:43 #1 Teach them who they are | Identity
27:48 Example 1 | Dr Justinâs brother
30:49 Example 2 | Saying no to drugs story
34:08 How to teach them who they are
40:13 #2 Teach them they matter
44:42 #3 Teach them to believe in themselves
48:49 Listener question - split families
50:06 #4 Teach them to say ânoâ respectfully
52:57 #5 Teach them to hear ânoâ respectfully
54:45 #6 Teach them empathy
55:13 #7 Teach them about life, the universe⊠and everything!
56:14 Summary of the summit
Dr Justin CoulsonDr Justin Coulson is the co-host and parenting expert on Channel 9's "Parental Guidance", the founder of happyfamiles.com.au, and one of Australiaâs most trusted parenting experts.
Over the past decade he has helped innumerable families with his 6 books about raising children, his hundreds of media appearances (including all of Australiaâs major news outlets, and even the Washington Post and the New York Times), and two viral videos that have been viewed a combined 80 million times!
Justin earned his PhD in Psychology from the University of Wollongong. He and his wife Kylie have been married since the late 1990âs and are the parents of 6 daughters .
ResourcesDo You Know scale by Marshall Duke
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Welcome to the Bringing Up Boys Summit
We're confident that as you participate in this summit, you wonât just find solutions to help your son through friendship breakdowns, the lure of drugs, anxiety and other mental health issues, or even the life-changing process of puberty. Youâll find ways to rekindle the connection you both want⊠and both need.
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