Bölümler
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Dr. Reedy reviews what he considers to be the most important book written on the subject of child development and mental health. Alice Miller writes in her book, “Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery of the truth about the unique history of our childhood…we must try, in a long process, to discover our own personal touch, a truth that may cause pain before giving us a new sphere of freedom. If we choose instead to content ourselves with intellectual ‘wisdom,’ we will remain in the sphere of illusion and self-deception. The damage done to us during our childhood cannot be undone, since we cannot change anything in our past. We can, however, change ourselves. We can repair ourselves and gain our lost integrity by choosing to look more closely at the knowledge that is stored inside our bodies and bringing this knowledge closer to our awareness. This path, although certainly not easy, is the only route by which we can at last leave behind the cruel, invisible prison of our childhood. We become free by transforming ourselves from unaware victims of the past into responsible individuals in the present, who are aware of our past and are thus able to live with it. Most people do exactly the opposite. Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that it no longer exists.
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Dr. Reedy explains the diagnosis of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and the wound that creates it. He explains the connection between this wound, defenses, and gaslighting. He talks about how narcissism isn't too much love or indulgence, but rather objectifying the child.
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Eksik bölüm mü var?
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Dr. Reedy takes question from the audience on taking care of yourself and setting boundaries with your family to do so. He also talks about how our defense, our need to be good, will often result in gaslighting type behaviors. He takes question on how our children are our teachers and how symptoms can inform us about ourselves and others.
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Dr. Reedy discusses psychodynamic informed therapy and how many of what we hear today is 100 years old. We just weren't ready to hear it when Freud and Jung were alive. He talks about the core of their work (and what people call "trauma-informed") is based on the idea that symptoms are messengers that we need to listen to rather than get rid of. He explains that the therapeutic relationship is the medicine where the client can re-experience themselves is a safe context.
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Dr. Reedy discusses faith in the context of depth psychology. He discusses spiritual bypassing, shame based religions, and how faith is not a search for certainty but a way of holding paradox and the mystery of what it means to be a finite person in an infinite universe. He explains how some versions of faith and religion serve as a defense against the uncertainty of life - how god can get in the way of finding God.
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Dr. Reedy addresses the barriers we encounter when we set boundaries. He talks about needing to be right vs. being a self. He explains how we try to change other people so we don't have to face changing ourselves.
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Dr. Reedy takes live questions from the live audience. He addresses the practical look/steps/feel of the work we are engaged in on our therapeutic journey. He talks about loneliness on the journey. And he explains the best way to invite loved ones into the work with you.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the parallels between logical fallacies and addictive thinking, defined in "Addictive Thinking" as an inability to reason with oneself. He defines several fallacies and their psychological and relationship dynamics. He emphasizes the development of an inner-compass, in contrast to other methods for vetting truth. He discusses Kant's idea of the categorical imperative which states that we treat others as an end and not a means to an end, letting go of consequences we use to justify our behavior.
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Dr. Reedy explains the difference between Big and Small T Trauma. He explains that in therapy, even when we are talking about the Big T story, we are still treating the Small t Trauma. He also discusses popular self-help ideas that he disagrees with.
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Dr. Reedy responds to questions from the Inner Circle Audience on matters of what is meant by "No" is a complete sentence, the pitfalls in empathizing with others at the cost of honoring our own feelings, and what is meant by the phrase "Do you work."
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Dr. Reedy discusses healthy masculinity and the lives of men. He explains that when people are describing masculinity they are often describing feminine characteristics. He points out that we talk about toxic masculine and healthy feminine but don't often hear about the healthy masculine.
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Dr. Reedy discuss the concept and tools of inner child work. He explains that this tool is a way of meditating on what and how we feel. It is an attempt to reconnect with the authentic self that was cast off in childhood in order to protect parents' ego, prevent abandonment, and take on parental feelings of inadequacy.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the nuances of praise. He explains that the child's esteem comes from being seen which relies heavily on the parents' depth of their own self discovery.
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Dr. Reedy discusses perfectionism. He talks about how our overworking and over functioning tend to fail us. He talks about the reasons why we think the goal is to be perfect. First, he explains that it could arise from a chaotic, unstable, and painful childhood. If we did not develop a hyper vigilance and over functioning personality, then we would've suffered more in such a context. He also explains how these traits can arise from the narcissistic wound. If we think that our value is in what we give to others, how we perform, how we pick up the slack for others, then we will find ourselves in troubling dynamics where we are complicit.
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Dr. Reedy, talks about the meaning we make out of our suffering. He explains that our suffering serves several important psychological functions. First, it gives us a taste for joy, connection, love, and happiness. There is no joy without suffering. There is no love without loss. Through suffering, we are required to look for, find, and embrace meaning. As Nietzsche once observed, we can bear any “how” as long as we have a “why.” He also explains that suffering serves as a catalyst for the transformation of consciousness we speak of in therapy. He distinguishes learning something from a more fundamental shift, a shift in our base, a shift in a level of consciousness. He also explains how practicing mindfulness will lead us to gratitude. Instead of trying to feel gratitude when one is feeling sad, one is encouraged to feel all of their feelings and to be mindful of our entire experience. This will naturally and organically lead to gratitude.
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Dr. Reedy announces the release of his newest book. Co-authored with Michael and Jeff McLean. It is the story of a gay son and his high profile Mormon father and how they found each other. Dr. Reedy provides commentary on the work that each did to re-connect and celebrate each other. Jeff tells the story of his childhood, raised in a small town in Utah. He chronicles the shame and pain of growing up in a conservative, high cost religion and how all this lead to addiction. Michael tells his story, confessing the mistakes and missteps along the way. It is a compelling story and offer the unique vantage point of a therapist observing the growth that each person experienced. Reedy uses the hero's journey as a way of understanding the tasks that we all must answer if we are to connect and hold each other with compassion and non-judgment.
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Dr. Reedy discusses how our contexts predispose us for certain dynamics in relationships. He explains how inner-work will shape and change our outside world. And he explains the power that old contexts have on our psychology and how regression originates.
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Dr. Reedy talks about the definition of addiction. A chronic pattern to avoid being present in your own life. He talks about the many faces of addiction, beyond alcohol and other substances. He explains how codependency is an addiction to controlling people, places, and things outside of oneself in order to manage internal states of anxiety, fear and insecurity. He explains that addiction is a spiritual bypass. It is a vertical thirst for a connection to the transcendent, the divine, or God. But without the development of the self, this thirst can lead to a life of imbalance and excess.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the relationship between boundaries and our capacity to love. He explains that we must grapple with fear, shame, and anxiety to honor and attend to our needs so that we can make ourselves more available to love and connection with others.
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Dr. Reedy discusses how therapy first starts with the base: the nervous system we "inherited" from our parents. He explains that until the base (think of soil) is established, skills, tools and insights will be fleeting. He also explains that the biggest barrier for many people is how slow therapy proceeds. It takes a long time with repeated exposure to an adequate therapist to build a stable foundation where new thoughts, new ideas, and new behaviors (think seeds) can more easily become embodied (think fruit of the new growth).
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