Episodit
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Recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street, Vancouver, this episode features author and longtime Tyee columnist Steve Burgess, whose new book Cheapskate in Lotus Land: The Philosophy and Practice of Living Well on a Small Budget is part memoir, part cultural critique, and part philosophical provocation.
Steve is a former disc jockey, television host, and film worker who has spent decades writing personal essays — first for the Vancouver Sun and Vancouver Magazine, then at The Tyee, where he's been a charter columnist since its founding. His previous books include Reservations: The Pleasures and Perils of Travel and the memoir Who Killed Mum? (named to year-end best-of lists at both the Globe and Mail and the Toronto Star).
In this conversation, James and Steve explore what it really means to be frugal in one of the world's most expensive cities — and why "cheapskate" might actually be a philosophy worth owning.
Cheapskate in Lotus Land: The Philosophy and Practice of Living Well on a Small Budget — available at Book Warehouse (Main St and Broadway locations) and Black Bond Books
📩 [email protected]📱 @friendlesspod on Instagram and TikTok 🌐 friendlesspod.com
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, your pal James Avramenko is joined by Charlie Demers.
Charlie Demers is a comedian, broadcaster, author, and 20-year veteran of CBC's The Debaters — and somehow all of that is just the warm-up. Recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street, this conversation starts with his new Canadian lexicon book The A-Team (a celebration of the words and phrases that mark you as one of us), takes a hard left into French immersion class politics, and ends up somewhere genuinely surprising: what treaty actually means, why Canadian humor is tender instead of cruel, and what it looks like to love a country you have complicated feelings about.
Along the way: house hippos, English muffins vs. french fries, the roast of Kevin Hart as a culture clash, and why writing to a word count might be the most freeing thing a writer can do.
If you've ever said "toque" in the United States and watched a room go silent, this one's for you.
Charlie's new children's picture book I Sure Do is out this summer from Trade Wind Books. Season 2 of Superteam Canada drops on Crave. Find him at charliedemers.com and on Instagram.
📩 [email protected]📱 @friendlesspod on Instagram and TikTok 🌐 friendlesspod.com
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Puuttuva jakso?
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What happens when you've spent your whole life fitting a mold — and you finally decide you've had enough?
This week, James sits down with Eddy Boudel Tan, Vancouver-born author of The Tiger and the Cosmonaut, recorded live at Book Warehouse on Main Street.
In this episode:
The experience of being second-generation Chinese Canadian — caught between cultures, between expectations, between versions of yourself What Eddy calls "Asian rage" — the anger that builds when you're expected to minimize yourself to move through the world The loneliness of being surrounded by people who love you but don't really know you Why Casper, the novel's protagonist, keeps people out even as he falls apart The Buddhist concept of impermanence, and what it actually does to your relationship with fear Going home when home doesn't feel like home anymore Identity as oversimplification — and the liberation of letting go of the label The fleeting, morbid, weirdly hopeful thought: What if this is the happiest I'll ever be?The Tiger and the Cosmonaut is available now wherever books are sold.
Find Eddy on Instagram at @eddyautomatic.
REMINDER: May 19th at the Book Warehouse on Main (4118 Main street) An Asian Heritage Month Celebration of Authors with guests Eddy Boudel Tan, Wiley Wei-Chiun Ho, and Donna Seto. Doors at 6:30pm
📩 [email protected]📱 @friendlesspod on Instagram and TikTok 🌐 friendlesspod.com
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In this final episode of the DBT micro-season, James walks back through the terrain — mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness — not to reteach, but to reflect. What landed. What didn't. What surprised him. And, more importantly, how to actually use any of this in real life without turning it into another productivity project or, worse, becoming a DBT zealot who diagnoses everyone at brunch.
Expect a tour back through the season, reflection questions to sit with, strategies for practising without burning out, and a slightly insistent reminder that you cannot do this alone — even (especially) coming from a podcast called Friendless.
📩 [email protected]📱 @friendlesspod on Instagram and TikTok 🌐 friendlesspod.com
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It's Independent Bookstore Day, and to celebrate, Friendless is doing a double feature — two short conversations recorded at the Bookshelf, both circling the same question: what do bookstores actually do for us that nothing else can?
First up is MLA Christine Boyle, BC's Minister of Housing and Municipal Affairs — and a lifelong library and bookstore nerd. We talk about the physical, relational experience you can't get from an online cart, why her 11-year-old plays her like a fiddle every time they walk past a bookshop, and the climate novel her book club still hasn't forgiven her for.
Then I sit down with Cathy Jesson, the owner of Black Bond Books. Cathy started in her mother's store in Brandon, Manitoba in the sixties, moved to the coast, built the business into a three-generation family operation, and in 2012 stepped in on a five-day turnaround to save Book Warehouse from closing. She talks about running a bookstore as a business (not a pipe dream), why the magic only happens on the floor and not in the office, and what she wants customers to feel walking out on Independent Bookstore Day.
Both conversations are short, warm, and — if you're anything like me — going to send you straight to your nearest independent.
Mentioned in this episode:
Black Bond Books, Book Warehouse, Hager Books - https://www.blackbondbooks.com/ Ministry for the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson Fire Weather by John Vaillant A Truce That Is Not Peace by Miriam Toews The Women by Kristin Hannah Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert HeinleinFind Friendless on Instagram and TikTok @friendlesspod. Reach out: [email protected]
Check out the Linktree: https://linktr.ee/friendlesspod
Fun and safety, Sweet Peas.
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There's a version of kindness that isn't actually kindness. It's saying yes when you mean no, showing up depleted and resentful, and building relationships on a quiet lie — the lie that you're fine, that it's all okay, that you have no limits. And the thing about that version of kindness is it always ends the same way: in a blowup, a ghost, or an overcorrection so sharp it takes the whole relationship with it.
Episode 8 of the DBT mini-season covers Give and Fast — the two interpersonal skills for when getting a yes isn't the point. Give is for when the relationship matters most: how to stay connected, be honest, and get through a hard conversation without torching what you've built. Fast is for when self-respect matters most: how to say no, hold your values, and not apologise for existing.
The real skill, as James puts it, is knowing which one you need — and then actually following through.
You'll come away with:
A clear breakdown of Give (Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy Manner) with real examples of what it looks and sounds like A full walkthrough of Fast (Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful) — including why "I don't want to" is a complete sentence Two layered conversation scenarios showing how Give and Fast work alongside Dear Man in practice A reflection prompt to identify where in your life you're sacrificing self-respect just to keep the peace• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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Most of us were never taught how to ask for what we need — we were taught how to be nice, how to be agreeable, and how to silently hope the other person would just figure it out. And when they didn't, we either resented them or came in way too hot trying to make up for lost time.
In this very special episode, James unpacks interpersonal effectiveness — the DBT module that's less about managing yourself and more about navigating other people, which, let's be honest, is the hard part. He covers how to get clear on what you actually want from a conversation before you open your mouth (spoiler: most of us skip this step), and walks through Dear Man, a structured skill for asking for things clearly, directly, and kindly without being apologetic or aggressive.
This is episode seven of the DBT mini-season.
You'll come away with:
A framework for identifying your real goal in any difficult conversation (objective, relationship, or self-respect — and why you can only pick one) A full walkthrough of the Dear Man skill with real examples A short practice exercise to apply it to one thing you've been avoiding• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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What does it take to truly belong somewhere — and what happens when you didn't know that's what you needed?
This week on Friendless, James sits down with Iona Whishaw — bestselling author of the Lane Winslow Mystery series — for a live conversation at the Book Warehouse on Main Street in Vancouver, BC. Her newest novel, A False and Fatal Claim, is the backdrop for a wide-ranging discussion about identity, deception, community, and the surprising things we discover about ourselves when we stop running.
They get into: the lies we tell ourselves versus the lies we perform for others; why Iona doesn't plot her novels (and what that means for how story finds her); how Kings Cove functions as both utopia and honest mirror; the way technology has quietly eroded our capacity for friction — and why friction might be exactly what we need; Lane Winslow's journey from deliberate isolation to unexpected belonging; and how writing at 64 gave Iona a whole new life.
Iona also shares how her mother — a larger-than-life woman who hitchhiked to Alaska with an evening gown and sneakers — became the unlikely skeleton of Lane Winslow, and what it means to inherit someone's courage second-hand.
Recorded live at Book Warehouse Vancouver
Pick up Iona's book at the Book Warehouse on Main Street.
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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Your feelings are real. But what if acting on them is making things worse?
In this episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko continues the DBT series with three tools for navigating emotions without being controlled by them.
We cover Opposite Action — the skill for when your emotion is justified, but the urge it's driving you toward would damage something you care about. We look at Problem Solving — for when the emotion does fit the facts and there's something concrete you can actually do. And we explore Building Positive Experiences — the proactive, preventative practice of filling your emotional reserves before crisis hits.
James shares personal stories from his medical leave, a financial spiral, and the anxiety he felt recording this very episode — and what it looked like to apply (or not apply) these tools in real time.
In this episode:
The "action urge" behind every emotion — and when following it makes things worse How avoidance teaches your brain that the threat is real Why you can't half-ass opposite action The difference between a catastrophe and a problem Why positive experiences aren't a luxury — they're emotional infrastructure📧 [email protected] | 📱 @friendlesspod
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless recorded live at the Book Warehouse on Main Street, host James Avramenko interviews thriller author Robin Harding about her novel Strangers in the Villa.
They discuss the inspiration for the book’s setup—a couple, Sydney and Curtis, retreat to an isolated villa in Catalonia, Spain, to repair their marriage after an affair, then invite in two Australian strangers who won’t leave—by a real trip and intensified by language and cultural barriers. They discuss character psychology, morally gray “damaged and damaging” behaviour, the cruelty of calling an affair “meaningless,” and Harding’s theme of “what is forgivable,” escalating toward an ultimately unforgivable revelation tied to exploitation and trafficking, raising questions of justice versus vigilantism. Harding describes her craft process, multiple POV, and how isolation strips away performance.
Find Robyn at robynharding.com or on Instagram @rhardingwriter.
Strangers in the Villa is out now — find it at the Book Warehouse!
📧 [email protected] | 📱 @friendlesspod
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we ask what if the goal of emotional maturity isn't to stop feeling things but to stop fighting them?
In Part 5 of Friendless's deep dive into DBT emotional regulation, James unpacks what emotions are actually for, and why treating them like problems to solve is exactly what keeps us stuck.
This episode covers three foundational skills: naming emotions accurately (because "I feel bad" tells you nothing useful), checking the facts (the difference between what actually happened and the story your brain added on top), and the PLEASE skill — the unglamorous daily maintenance checklist that has a surprisingly direct line to how regulated you feel.
James also gets personal: about spending years terrified of his own anger, about the shame hiding underneath a text that didn't get answered, and about why exercise remains the bane of his existence.
In this episode:
Why emotions are signals, not malfunctions The smoke alarm analogy that reframes everything How vague labels like "fine" keep you stuck Checking the facts vs. checking the story PLEASE: Physical illness, Eating, Avoid substances, Sleep, Exercise A short practice to try right nowFriendless is a podcast about loneliness, connection, and the honest, sometimes uncomfortable work of understanding ourselves.
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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Distress Tolerance Pt. 2: Self-Soothing & Radical Acceptance
This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing our exploration of Distress Tolerance skills as the DBT mini-season hits the halfway mark!
STOP and TIPP — last week's skills — are built for acute crisis moments. This episode is for the other kind of hard: the slow burn, the ongoing grief, the situations you can't fix right now and just have to live with anyway. Two major skills today: self-soothing and radical acceptance.
Self-Soothing is about giving your nervous system what it needs to feel safer — not by fixing the thing, not by numbing out, but through sensory input that tells your body it's okay right now. James breaks down what this looks like across all five senses, shares what's in his self-soothing kit, and makes a case for building your own before you need it.
Radical Acceptance is probably the hardest skill in DBT. It's also, in James's experience, the most transformative. This is the practice of accepting reality as it is — fully, completely, without the layer of this shouldn't be happening — and why that's not the same thing as approval, defeat, or giving up. James draws on a deeply personal story about his divorce to show what it actually looks like when you finally stop fighting what is.
In this episode:
• Why stop and tip aren't enough for the slow burn — and what is
• The DBT distinction between pain (unavoidable) and suffering (optional)
• What self-soothing actually is — and what it isn't
• A sensory breakdown of self-soothing tools across all five senses
• What James carries in his self-soothing kit and why
• The most common misunderstanding of radical acceptance
• A personal story about divorce, gaslighting, and the moment reality finally shifted
• Why radical acceptance is a practice, not a one-time decision
• A short guided practice for both skills
Connect with Friendless:
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, we're leaving the mindfulness skills behind and stepping into DBT's toolkit for emotional emergencies: the moments when you're at an eight or nine on the chaos scale, logic has stepped out of the building, and your nervous system is running the whole show. The only goal in those moments? Don't make things worse.
In this episode, James breaks down two core Distress Tolerance skills:
The STOP Skill — your emergency brake for when your thumb is hovering over "send," you can feel those words rising in your throat, and everything in your body is screaming do something. STOP interrupts the impulse-to-action pipeline just long enough to give you back a choice.
The TIP Skills — a set of physical interventions (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation) that work directly on your biology when you're too flooded to think your way through anything. Because sometimes you can't logic your way out of a crisis. You have to use your body.
James also shares two personal stories: what happened when he recorded a full 45-minute episode and forgot to hit record, and how he used the STOP skill in real time during a text conversation that was heading somewhere neither party wanted to go.
We wrap with a short guided mental rehearsal so these skills are a little more accessible when the real crisis hits.
In this episode:
• Why mindfulness alone isn't enough when your brain is in chaos mode
• What's actually happening in your nervous system during a crisis (and why the first impulse is almost always the wrong one)
• The STOP skill, broken down step by step
• The TIP skills: Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Paired Muscle Relaxation
• The dive reflex — and why cold water actually works
• Why a long exhale is a biological signal that the danger is over
• A short guided rehearsal to help build your crisis response map
Connect with Friendless:
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @friendlesspod
• TikTok: @friendlesspod
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, your pal and host of the show James Avramenko sits down with journalist, activist, podcaster, and author Garth Mullins — live at Book Warehouse on Main Street in Vancouver — for one of the most honest, wide-ranging conversations the show has ever had.
Garth is the host of the Crackdown podcast and the author of Crackdown: Surviving and Resisting the War on Drugs (Penguin Random House), a memoir-meets-manifesto that traces his life as a drug user, activist, and community organiser through the ongoing overdose crisis. His book is one of those rare things: deeply personal and rigorously political at the same time.
In this episode, they talk about shame — what it costs to carry it, and what it feels like when it finally lifts. They talk about grief as something we were always meant to share communally, and what it means to lose half your community to a crisis the government had the tools to prevent. They talk about necropolitics — the idea that governments don't just neglect people, they make calculated decisions about who will live and who will die. And they talk about what it actually looks like to build community in the middle of all of it: the meetings, the minutes, the coffee runs, the naloxone.
Garth is one of the clearest, most generous thinkers James has had on the show — and this conversation is proof of why.
📖 Pick up Crackdown wherever books are sold, and learn more about Garth on his website
🎙️ Find Garth's podcast at crackdownpod.com
❤️ Get your free Naloxone kit and training at towardtheheart.com
🫂 Support or Learn about the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users (VANDU) on their website
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In this very special episode of Friendless, we're continuing the DBT micro-season diving into the how skills of mindfulness: non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. If those sound like made-up DBT words, you're not wrong—but what they actually mean is surprisingly straightforward.
Last episode covered the what skills (observe, describe, participate). This week is about how to practice them without turning mindfulness into another thing you're failing at. Because here's the thing: you can know all the skills, understand them intellectually, explain them to other people, and still completely fuck them up by making mindfulness a source of shame.
The how skills are the guardrails that prevent exactly that.
What You'll Learn:
Nonjudgmentally: How to separate facts from interpretations—the difference between "I'm feeling tired" and "I'm lazy for feeling tired" One-mindfully: Why doing five things at once means doing five things poorly, and how to actually focus (spoiler: your mind will wander, that's fine) Effectively: Letting go of the "right way" and just doing what works—meeting yourself where you are, not where you wish you wereSign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
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in this very special episode of Friendless, we're kicking off the DBT micro-season with Mindfulness Part 1, and no — this is not the sit-cross-legged-and-think-about-nothing version. This is practical mindfulness. The kind that gives you an off-ramp when your brain is catastrophising about a blank document or a text that went unanswered.
Today we're covering the three "What" skills: Observe, Describe, and Participate. These are the foundation everything else builds on. They're deceptively simple, which doesn't mean they're easy — but they're the tools that let you notice when you're time-traveling into worst-case scenarios and choose to come back to the present.
What You'll LearnObserve — How to notice what's happening without trying to change it, fix it, or make it go away. Just acknowledging "my heart is racing" or "I'm having anxious thoughts" without layering judgment on top.
Describe — How to put words to what you're observing. The difference between "I'm failing" and "I'm having the thought that I'm failing." Words create distance. Distance gives you options.
Participate — How to give your full attention to what you're doing right now instead of being on autopilot. Not every second of every day — just having the ability to come back when you notice you've drifted.
In This Episode Why mindfulness gets a bad rap (and why DBT mindfulness is different) The spiral I had preparing to write this very script — and how my brain turned a blank document into proof I should quit everything How observing my anxiety about an unanswered text gave me just enough space to not make it worse That time I drove to Main Street without music or podcasts and actually noticed the road (it felt longer than driving across Canada) A short guided practice for trying Observe, Describe, Participate in under two minutes Why the thoughts don't disappear — and why that's okaySign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
Follow Friendless on TikTok
and on Instagram
Support the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!
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In this very special episode of Friendless, your host James Avramenko finally launches the long-promised DBT mini-season. This introductory episode explores why Dialectical Behavior Therapy isn't just for people with BPD diagnoses—it's practical emotional scaffolding for anyone who's ever sent an unhinged text at 2am or catastrophized themselves out of sleep.
James shares his own journey into DBT during one of the lowest points of his life, why he was skeptical at first, and the moment a simple acronym (STOP) prevented him from making things worse. This isn't about fixing yourself or becoming a better person—it's about working with the brain you have when everything feels like it's falling apart.
What You'll Learn Why DBT isn't self-help BS: The difference between theories and tools The four DBT modules: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness Who DBT is actually for: Spoiler—you don't need a diagnosis to benefit What's coming: A roadmap for the 10-episode mini-season (2 episodes per module + intro/wrap-up) The real goal: Fucking up slightly less often (that's it, that's the bar)Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
Follow Friendless on TikTok
and on Instagram
Support the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko welcomes acclaimed author Susin Nielsen for a live recording at Book Warehouse Vancouver.
Susin's latest novel "Snap" tells the story of three unlikely friends brought together through an anger management program—and it all started with a real incident at a disastrous school visit 15 years ago. In this wide-ranging conversation, Susin and James explore the power of optimistic storytelling in dark times, the peculiar difficulty of making friends in Vancouver (despite everyone being "so outwardly cheery"), and why setting Canadian stories in "any town USA" drove Susin crazy enough to plant her work firmly in Vancouver's streets and neighbourhoods.
They also dive into Susin's journey from craft services on Degrassi Junior High to writing on the show at age 22, creating positive work environments on Family Law, refusing publisher pressure to censor her work, and her recent experiments with meditation and church-going (for the community, not necessarily Jesus).
Whether you're interested in the craft of writing, the challenge of building community, or just want to hear two people who love Vancouver bond over its friendship paradoxes, this conversation has something for you.
Links & Resources:
Susin's Website: susinnielsen.com/ Book Warehouse Vancouver: [link]Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
Follow Friendless on TikTok
and on Instagram
Support the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!
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This week on a very special episode of Friendless, I sit down with Dr. Greg Hammer—pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired Stanford professor, and author of A Mindful Teen—to talk about what we're actually doing to young people in 2025.
We unpack the unique pressures facing today's teens: smartphones as double-edged swords, the performative perfection trap of social media, sextortion and AI-generated abuse, fentanyl-laced everything, gun violence as background noise, and the impossible college admissions race. You know, light stuff.
But here's the thing—Dr. Hammer isn't here to just list problems. We dig into his GAIN method (Gratitude, Acceptance, Intention, Non-Judgment), a practical framework for building actual resilience without the therapy-speak bullshit. We talk about neuroplasticity, the negativity bias our brains are stuck with from evolutionary baggage, and why telling your kids to be grateful while you complain about traffic doesn't work.
We also get real about recognizing depression versus sadness, the telltale signs parents and teachers miss, and why love needs to be a verb, not just a feeling.
Fair warning: this episode discusses teen mental health, suicide, and self-harm in depth.
In This Episode:
Why "kids are resilient" is a cop-out The self-surveillance generation and viral culture paralysis How smartphones and social media rewire developing brains The GAIN method: a 3-minute daily practice for mental resilience Three Good Things: the stupidly simple gratitude practice that actually works Modeling behaviour vs. telling kids what to do Recognizing the signs of clinical depression in teens Why we're all more alike than different (and our dark thoughts aren't unique)Guest Bio:Dr. Greg Hammer is a pediatric intensive care physician, recently retired professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, and author of Gain Without Pain and A Mindful Teen. He's spent his career studying physical and mental wellness, longevity science, and resilience practices—and has raised teenagers while watching an entire generation navigate challenges he never had to face.
Resources:
A Mindful Teen by Dr. Greg Hammer: Amazon | Barnes & Noble Dr. Hammer's website: greghammermd.com Instagram: @greghammermdMental Health Resources:
Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide Crisis Helpline) USA: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) Crisis Text Line (both countries): Text HOME to 741741Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
Follow Friendless on TikTok
and on Instagram
Support the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!
Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr
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In this very special episode of Friendless, host James Avramenko delves into the complexities of friendship, sobriety, and mental health with his dear friend William Raphael Pacheco. Join them as they discuss the impact of family names, the challenges of quitting substances, and the journey toward self-acceptance.
They share laughs, deep reflections, and valuable life insights on maintaining friendships and navigating queer spaces while staying sober.
Follow Will on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/will.r.pacheco/
Sign up for the Friendless Substack HERE!
Follow Friendless on TikTok
and on Instagram
Support the show, Buy Me A Coffee!!
Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr
- Näytä enemmän
