Episodes
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In my recent conversation with Marina Gerner, author of ‘The Vagina Business’ we delved into the fascinating and rapidly evolving field of FemTech, a sector dedicated to harnessing technology to enhance women's health. As anyone with a vagina will tell you, trying to raise investment for their business, whether in the world of female health or otherwise, there are myriad challenges such entrepreneurs face.
It's disheartening to see how societal taboos surrounding women's health can hinder investment and innovation, but hardly surprising, as most investors are men.
Marina and I discussed the need to break down these barriers and foster greater awareness and education about women's health issues. This is crucial not just for entrepreneurs but for all of us who care about improving women's health outcomes.
We also touched on significant topics like menopause and sexual health in older age. These are often overlooked areas that deserve much more attention in discussions and the marketplace. The regulatory hurdles that complicate introducing new products only add to the complexity of the landscape, making it even more vital that we advocate for change.
Marina's book, The Vagina Business, serves as an essential guide through the innovations and challenges within this space. She has done a tremendous job of showcasing the range of products and services being developed and the challenges these founders face in bringing them to market. It underscores the urgent need for support and solutions prioritising women's health. I left with the hope that many of these products eventually see the light of day with their ability to transform female health and are not simply left on the page.
You can find out more and buy Marina’s book here.
Website: https://www.marinagerner.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marinagerner/
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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I’ve been looking forward to this conversation for a couple of months, since coming across Stella Fosse on Substack. A rarity in the world of romance and erotic writing, Stella has a unique perspective, writing for and about older adults. We discuss the challenges and biases in the publishing industry, the importance of representation, and the evolving landscape of self-publishing.
Stella shares her journey into writing, the differences between erotica and romance, and the significance of community and social media in building an audience. Our conversation highlights the joy of writing as a form of play and the potential for older characters to inspire readers.
Takeaways
* The publishing industry often favours younger characters in romance and erotica.
* Older women writing erotica can challenge societal norms and stereotypes.
* Self-publishing has opened new avenues for authors to share their work.
* Erotica focuses on sexuality, while romance centres on character development and relationships.
* Diversity in romance writing is still a work in progress.
* Marketing for indie authors requires a different approach than traditional publishing.
* Social media is crucial for building an audience and credibility.
* Writing can be a playful exploration of fantasies and desires.
* Community support among writers enhances the creative process.
* Older characters in romance can provide relatable role models for readers.
Gift Yourself or Others a Subscription to Sex Advice for Seniors This Christmas!
As the holiday season approaches, consider giving the gift of knowledge and open conversation about sexuality in later life. Subscribing to Sex Advice for Seniors supports the destigmatisation of these important discussions and highlights the incredible individuals I've interviewed who share this passion. Join us in fostering a more open dialogue about sex and ageing!
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Erotic Writing for Older Audiences
02:54 The Journey into Writing Erotica
05:49 Breaking Age Stereotypes in Romance
09:06 The Evolution of Publishing and Self-Publishing
12:10 Understanding the Differences: Erotica vs. Romance
14:54 Diversity and Representation in Romance Writing
17:52 Marketing Strategies for Indie Authors
21:02 The Role of Social Media in Building an Audience
24:04 The Creative Process of Writing Erotica
27:06 Exploring Fantasies Through Writing
29:59 The Importance of Community in Writing
33:01 Conclusion and Future Aspirations
Website: www.stellafosse.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/Twitter: stellafosseLinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/stellafosseInstagram: @stella.fosseCheck out Stella’s Books and Stories:https://stellafosse.com/stella-fosses-books-stories/Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance:
Launch Your Author Adventure in Late-Life Romance
Vampires of a Certain Age:Five Hundred Years of LovingBrilliant Charming B*****d:Getting Rich is the Best RevengeThe Erotic Pandemic Ball: Tales of Love in LockdownAphrodite's Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica After Midlife
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In this conversation, Indigo Stray Conger and I discuss the complexities of opening up relationships, particularly for those in long-term partnerships. We explore the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy, emphasising the importance of communication, understanding emotional dynamics, and navigating the challenges of swinging and polyamory. The discussion also highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and the potential for personal growth and exploration of sexuality later in life.
takeaways
* Ethical non-monogamy can mean different things to different people.
* Communication is crucial when discussing opening up a relationship.
* It's important to be on the same page about what opening up means.
* Emotions can complicate agreements about non-monogamy.
* Work with a coach or therapist experienced in non-monogamy.
* Take time to discuss and explore feelings before jumping in.
* Workshops can provide a safe space to explore sexuality.
* Older adults can still explore their sexual selves.
* Finding communities for non-monogamy can be challenging.
* It's never too late to have these conversations.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy
03:00 Understanding the Spectrum of Opening Relationships
05:57 Communication: The Key to Successful Non-Monogamy
08:59 Navigating Emotions in Open Relationships
11:56 The Challenges of Swinging and Polyamory
14:49 Exploring Individual Interests in Relationships
17:59 Finding Communities for Non-Monogamy
20:51 Starting the Conversation About Opening Up
23:58 Final Thoughts on Exploring Sexuality Later in Life
Here's the link to Indigo’s Choosing Therapy article on open relationships and how to talk with your partner if you want to open up: What Is an Open Relationship?
You can find Indigo Stray Conger here:
milehighpsychotherapy.com
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In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', I had the pleasure of chatting with sexologist Heather Howard about the challenges faced by individuals with mobility issues in experiencing sexual pleasure. How do you find the ideal, comfortable position to be intimate with your partner after a hip or knee replacement? How can you transition from perhaps a lifetime of having sex in a position that hits all the right spots to finding a new position that does the same?
We discuss the importance of understanding ergonomic adjustments, the psychological impacts of mobility limitations, and the differences in sexual desire and identity across genders. Because I always encourage my guests to offer practical advice, Heather shares sexual positions for those recovering from surgery and emphasises the significance of mental flexibility in navigating sexual function. This conversation especially highlighted for me the need for accessible resources and open communication about sexuality, especially when your body parts aren’t working like they used to!
If you’re feeling generous and want to show your appreciation for the work involved in creating this podcast, promoting it and, more generally, helping older people to have a happier, healthier, more fulfilling sex life, consider becoming a subscriber.
Takeaways
* Mobility issues can significantly impact sexual experiences.
* Ergo Erotics provides resources for pleasurable comfort.
* Common mobility issues include hip and knee pain and pelvic pain.
* Psychological factors play a crucial role in sexual motivation.
* Sexual identity is often tied to physical capability.
* Mental flexibility can enhance sexual function post-injury.
* Gender differences affect how individuals approach sexuality.
* Practical adjustments can help maintain sexual intimacy after surgery.
* Ergonomics in sexual activity can lead to sustainable pleasure.
* Open communication about sexuality is essential for health providers.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mobility and Sexuality Challenges
03:07 Understanding ErgoErotics and Its Purpose
06:05 Common Mobility Issues Affecting Sexuality
09:01 Psychological Impact of Mobility Challenges on Sexuality
11:59 Navigating Sexuality After Major Health Changes
15:09 Gender Differences in Sexual Desire and Identity
18:02 Practical Tips for Sexual Positions Post-Surgery
20:48 The Role of Ergonomics in Sexual Comfort
23:57 Exploring Tools and Aids for Enhanced Sexual Experience
26:59 Conclusion and Resources for Further Support
This episode is sponsored by Higher Nature - creators of the Rekindle supplement, which launched today! Nature's sexiest plant-powered blend, Rekindle, has been created to rekindle your passion. I’m currently testing this all-natural libido enhancer, which does what it says on the tin. :)
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In this conversation, I enjoyed speaking with tantric teacher Rahasya to explore the intricate world of tantra and sacred sexuality. We delved into our personal journeys, cleared up some misconceptions surrounding tantra, and discussed its relevance for older adults. Together, we navigated the emotional complexities of sexual relationships, emphasising the importance of commitment on spiritual paths and the potential dangers of dabbling in tantra without proper guidance. Our discussion highlighted the necessity for a deeper understanding and respect for the practices involved in tantra, showcasing its transformative power when approached with seriousness and intention.
Takeaways
* I began my journey into sacred sexuality over two decades ago.
* Awakening is just the beginning of a spiritual path, not the end.
* Tantra is often misunderstood and misrepresented in modern culture.
* The emotional side of tantra can be dangerous if not approached correctly.
* Many enter tantra for superficial reasons, but true seekers discover deeper meaning.
* Supporting older adults in their sexual journeys can lead to profound healing.
* Past experiences significantly impact one’s sexual expression and intimacy.
* Dabbling in tantra without commitment can lead to negative experiences.
* True spiritual paths require a level of commitment that many may not be prepared for.
* The serious seeker must navigate the difficult and often uncomfortable path of spiritual growth.
Sound Bites
* "I completed my journey of sexuality by 40."
* "Awakening is really the beginning of a path."
* "Tantra is about learning from spiritual communities."
Chapters
* 00:00 Introduction to Sacred Sexuality
* 02:59 The Journey of a Tantric Teacher
* 05:56 Understanding Tantra: Beyond the Misconceptions
* 09:11 The Role of Tantra in Relationships
* 11:46 Supporting Older Adults in Their Sexual Journeys
* 14:55 The Impact of Past Experiences on Sexuality
* 17:57 The Dangers of Dabbling in Tantra
* 21:00 The Commitment Required for Spiritual Paths
* 23:58 Conclusion: The Path of the Serious Seeker
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In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Judson Brandeis to delve into the often-taboo topic of men's sexual health. We tackle critical issues like erectile dysfunction and testosterone replacement therapy, exploring how these challenges impact not just physical well-being but also mental and emotional health as men age.
Our conversation sheds light on the vital role of blood flow and innovative treatments available for men over 60. We also confront the stigma that surrounds discussions of sexual health, emphasising the urgent need for awareness and education in this area.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your subscription enables me to spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and the cost of my recording software, editing, and other miscellaneous expenses.
Key Takeaways:
- Many men seek help for erectile dysfunction and testosterone replacement.
- Testosterone can revitalise physical, mental, and sexual vitality.
- Ageing often brings erectile dysfunction, which can affect confidence and relationships.
- Medications like Viagra and Cialis are both safe and effective for treating erectile dysfunction.
- Nitric oxide boosters can enhance the efficacy of these medications.
- Healthy blood flow is crucial for sexual function and overall wellness.
- Embracing the changes that come with ageing is key to proactive health management.
- There is a significant stigma surrounding sexual health discussions, particularly for older men.
- Men should also be informed about women's health issues linked to sexual wellness.
- Open dialogue about sexual health can foster better outcomes for everyone involved.
Sound Bites:
- "Men's sexual health often gets brushed under the carpet."
- "Testosterone can ignite your libido."
- "Viagra and Cialis are nothing short of miraculous."
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Men's Sexual Health
02:55 Understanding Testosterone and Its Impact
05:58 The Role of Erectile Dysfunction Treatments
09:01 The Psychological Aspects of ED
12:00 Navigating Ageing and Sexual Health
15:12 Innovative Treatments and Therapies
18:07 The Importance of Blood Flow
21:05 Addressing Stigmas in Sexual Health
24:07 The Connection Between Heart Health and ED
26:55 Final Thoughts on Sexual Wellness
Join us for an enlightening discussion that aims to break down barriers and promote healthier conversations around men's sexual health.
https://brandeismd.com/
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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Do you consider sex like a McDonald’s burger or a Michelin-starred meal? Do you know the difference and what part tantra plays in how we connect with our partner(s)?
I’ve interviewed several tantra practitioners over the years; each has a different take. In this episode, Janice Lee delves into the world of Tantra, exploring its true essence as she understands it beyond the clichés often associated with it.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your support means I can spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and for the cost of my recording software, editing and the other subscriptions I need to keep this show on the road!
We discuss the importance of intimacy in sexual relationships, practical tips for reviving passion in long-term partnerships, and the significance of understanding one's own arousal. Janice shares her journey into Tantra and the misconceptions surrounding it, emphasising that genuine connection and intimacy are essential in modern dating.
Sound Bites
* "Tantra is about intimacy, not just sex."
* "Sex has become kind of like fast food."
* "It's about being playful and in the moment."
Chapters
00:00 Exploring the Essence of Tantra
04:51 Reviving Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships
09:50 Understanding Arousal and Communication
14:59 The Journey to Authentic Sexuality
20:11 Breaking Down Misconceptions About Tantra
25:02 Finding Genuine Connection in Modern Dating
You can find Janice Lee (Jaylala) - Heart and Soul Tantra - here:
Janice’s Booking Calendar
Bio.Link/Jaylala & Social Media
Janice’s YouTube Channel
Boundary Bliss On-line Course
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In a recent post, I wrote about self-exploration and how little many women know and understand their anatomy, especially when it comes to sexual pleasure.
This week’s podcast is an interview with Michelle Germey, a Yoni therapist, about the importance of understanding female anatomy, the challenges women face regarding body confidence and sexual health, and the impact of ageing on sexual desire.
We discuss the need for open communication about sexual issues, the role of clinical sexologists, and the resources available for women seeking help. The conversation emphasises the importance of self-exploration, acceptance of bodily changes, and the normalisation of diverse vulva appearances.
Michelle shares insights on enhancing intimacy and pleasure, even as one ages, and the significance of scheduling intimacy in busy lives.
Takeaways
* The term 'Yoni' refers to female reproductive organs and embodies femininity.
* Understanding one's anatomy is crucial for sexual health and confidence.
* There is no 'normal' appearance for vulvas; diversity should be celebrated.
* Ageing can lead to changes in sexual desire and physical response.
* Communication about sexual health is essential for maintaining intimacy.
* Accessing sexual health services can be challenging, especially for women.
* Clinical sexologists play a vital role in addressing sexual health issues.
* Women often experience shame around their sexuality and bodies.
* Self-exploration and understanding personal pleasure are important.
* Scheduling intimacy can help maintain a fulfilling sexual life.
Sound Bites
* "I wanted to specialize in female biomedical issues."
* "The Yoni is those female organs of the womb."
* "There is no normal; it's just what it is."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Yoni Therapy
02:50 Understanding the Yoni and Female Anatomy
06:04 Body Confidence and Normalizing Vulva Diversity
08:55 Ageing, Sexual Desire, and Changes in the Body
11:59 Communication and Overcoming Sexual Shame
14:47 Accessing Sexual Health Services and Support
18:09 The Role of Clinical Sexologists
21:01 Exploring Female Sexuality and Pleasure
23:46 Scheduling Intimacy and Finding Pleasure
26:52 Resources for Sexual Health and Therapy
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your support means I can spend more time researching and speaking with my guests, promoting good sexual health for older adults and for the cost of my recording software, editing and the other subscriptions I need to keep this show on the road!
https://www.cosrt.org.uk/search-members/
You can find Psychosexual Services on the NHS here. Not all regions offer these services.
Examples
https://slam.nhs.uk/service-detail/service/psychosexual-service-114/
https://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/our-services/psychosexual-clinic
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In this episode, I interviewed Susan Bratton, an intimacy advisor, wellness expert, author of numerous books about sex and relationships, and veritable powerhouse with 44 programs, gifts, and subscriptions.
A topic that comes up time and time again here is how to communicate with one’s partner or anyone with whom you intend to be intimate about your sexual desires. This is where Susan’s concept of a sexual soulmate pact comes in, which we discussed in this episode. We explored the significance of open communication and the benefits of ageless sexuality. Susan explained that a sexual soulmate pact is an agreement between partners to openly discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries throughout their intimacy journey. This pact fosters ongoing communication and encourages partners to express themselves without fear of judgment. We also discussed the idea of a sex life bucket list, which can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sex life exciting.
Takeaways
* A sexual soulmate pact is an agreement between partners to openly discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries before, during, and after intimacy.
* Open communication is key to maintaining a satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
* Ageless sexuality is possible, and sex can continue to improve and bring joy throughout life.
* A sex life bucket list can help couples explore new experiences and keep their sex life exciting.
Sound Bites
* "I've written 44 books and one of the books that I've written is called Sexual Soulmates, the six essentials for connected sex."
* "The sexual soulmate pact takes care of two big problems: 'I don't know what I want' and 'I don't want to say anything because I don't want my partner to feel like they've done something wrong.'"
* "The sexual soulmate pact is the antidote to the monotony of monogamy."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Welcoming Susan Bratton
03:05 The Concept of a Sexual Soulmate Pact
08:02 Addressing Communication Challenges
18:44 The Antidote to the Monotony of Monogamy
23:58 Desire: Safety, Security, Novelty, and Variety
33:12 Sexual Confidence and General Confidence
You can find Susan at:
SusanBratton.com
BetterLover.com
Download your FREE Sexual Soulmate Pact here
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What is your sexual birthright and can you say, with 100% honesty, that you are able to fully embrace your sexual self without shame, embarrassment or fear?
That’s the topic of this week’s discussion with one of my oldest guests, Galen Fous, a sex therapist and educator.
During our conversation, we discussed the role of kink and the erotic in maintaining an active sex life, even with physical limitations. Galen encourages couples to have open and honest conversations about their desires and to explore the vast territory of pleasure beyond traditional friction sex. He also highlights the healing and empowering aspects of reclaiming one's sexuality.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Takeaways
* Explore your authentic sexuality and embrace your sexual birthright.
* Engage in open and honest conversations with your partner about your desires and fantasies.
* Move beyond traditional friction sex and explore the vast territory of pleasure available to you.
* Reclaim your sexuality and heal any past wounds or traumas.
* Embrace the opportunity to deepen intimacy and connection with your partner through sexual exploration.
Sound Bites
* "I'm still having sex at least three times a week and I'm talking about sex that is in the range of three to five hours per session."
* "This is the great time of life. You know, this is your time to have the freedom to pursue what interests you and what excites you. And sex can certainly be a big part of that."
* "To be honest, it's a very complicated at this stage when we have decades of indoctrination and programming and beliefs and stories and judgments and experience painful experiences and all those things now have are a big, those are all tangled up with your authentic sexual expression."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Unique Perspective
03:12. Maintaining an Active Sex Life in Later Life
08:45. Embracing Freedom and Pursuing Sexual Pleasure
11:36. Untangling Beliefs and Programming
18:15. Moving Beyond Friction Sex
26:07. Exploring the Vast Territory of Pleasure
31:51. The Importance of Honesty and Courage
34:37Conclusion and Invitation for Further Conversations
Find Galen at : https://GalenFous.com
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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When I was growing up, there was a cult-like therapy called EST (Erhard Seminars Training), which couples and singles could attend. I subsequently learned that it became Landmark Forum. I mention it because when I think of retreats, having never attended one, they always feel mysterious and somewhat secretive. Still, I know plenty of people who regularly go on retreats, and I know now how beneficial it can be to switch off from the world for several days and absorb whatever knowledge is being imparted.
Kanya Ford, my guest on this week’s podcast, hosts a couples retreat called Fools in Love Couples Retreat. Here, couples can take a break from their usual environment and address relationship issues. The retreat includes purposeful activities, community meals, and opportunities for couples to support and learn from each other. Each year, she introduces new elements to keep the sessions fresh and interesting.
The retreat lasts from Thursday or Friday to Sunday afternoon. As she explains during our conversations, emotions can run high during the retreat, with happy tears, sad tears, and frustration. The motivation for attending the retreat varies, from reigniting sexual passion to seeking help before marriage. The retreat is open to a diverse mix of people, and the average age of attendees is between 35 and 45. What particularly fascinated me about her retreat is that she tends to keep them below ten people so each couple is able to spend quality time with Kanya and the other participants, as well as with each other.
In addition to the retreat, Kanya offers one-on-one coaching and group classes called Mind Phucked (I love this!), which focus on utilising the mind to set the body free in relationships. These classes include touch yoga, pleasure mapping, and deep stretch exercises. Kanya emphasises the importance of maintaining intimacy and connection in relationships, especially in the senior years.
00:00 Introduction to the Fools in Love Couples Retreat
01:24 Digging into Relationship Nuances at the Retreat
04:06 Addressing Emotions and Apologies at the Retreat
05:13 Motivations for Attending the Retreat
15:13 Utilising the Mind in Group Classes
You can find Kanya at:
https://loveandintimacy101.com/
https://www.instagram.com/coachkay101
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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In this episode, I have the pleasure of chatting with Denise Renye, who is a sexologist, sex therapist, yoga therapist, and psychedelic therapist. We dive into the fascinating role of psychedelics in the lives of older adults and how they can enhance intimacy and help manage pain. Denise shares her insights on being a psychedelic therapist and how she guides individuals in integrating their experiences into everyday life.
We also discuss the importance of communication in relationships and how psychedelics can open up new avenues for exploring desires, boosting both emotional and physical connections. It’s a heartfelt conversation that underscores the need for greater awareness and access to professionals in the field of sex therapy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Denise Renye and her multiple titles
03:21 Integration of psychedelic experiences
06:18 Enhancing relationships through psychedelics
12:43 Breaking down boundaries in relationships
19:28 Using sensual activities to enhance intimacy
25:54 The importance of sensate focus technique
32:00 The need for awareness and access to sex therapy professionals
Dr. Denise Renye
Licensed Psychologist* Certified Sexologist * Psychedelic Assisted Therapy and Integration * Certified Yoga Therapist
https://WholePersonIntegration.com
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Darlaine Honey is a Sexual Health Advisor working with Berkshire Healthcare and lives in Surrey, South of England. Having been diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, she is also an advocate for Breast Cancer Now on the workflow task force plus Breast Cancer Now / Ann Summers/My ViV collaboration for sex after breast cancer.
During the COVID lockdown, Darlaine and some friends formed the charity Lobular Breast Cancer so that other women could learn more about it.
As is evident from our discussion and from previous discussions I’ve had with those working in the area of sexual health, both in the UK and in the US, there’s not enough being done to support older people to have a healthier and happier sex life.
There’s an assumption that sexual health advisors are there to support younger people. At the same time, the stats reveal that more older people are presenting with STDs than ever before, thanks to escalating divorce rates and the opportunity through dating apps and elsewhere for sexual encounters.
I also learned, towards the end of our conversation, of the impact of drugs used to treat breast cancer on women’s sexual health and was shocked to discover how they may contribute to vaginal atrophy and a significant decline in libido and sensitivity, none of which patients are commonly told when undergoing treatment.
My friend Sam Evans, who runs a sex toy shop called Jo Divine, has spoken via her social media channels about ‘medical misogyny’ and, in talking with Darlaine, it’s clear how much more needs to be done to ensure women receive the information we all deserve to make educated decisions about our overall wellbeing which includes our sexual health.
If you’d like to learn more about Darlaine’s work, you can reach her on LinkedIn.
Show your support for Lobular Breast Cancer here:
https://lobularbreastcancer.org.uk/darlaine-honey/
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Paid subscribers support my ongoing work to help older people have a healthier, happier sex life and receive an additional subscriber-only post per week.
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Gigi Raven Wilbur is an American bisexual rights activist and writer. They have a bachelor's degree in philosophy and a master's degree in social work.
I suspect 50 Shades of Grey has contributed to confusion around what BDSM entails and how it can be used to enhance one’s intimate life. I recall upon reading it and all the publicity that ensued upon its publication that there was outrage from those within the BDSM community that their lifestyle choice should be portrayed so inaccurately. Even my kids who knew I dabbled in this world said at the time, “You should go on TV and tell them it’s not like this!”
The fact is that BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) has many benefits as Gigi and I discuss during this podcast. It can enhance one’s intimate relationships by enabling conversations that touch on consent, power dynamics, pain and sometimes how this may relate to earlier trauma. It can, without any penetration being involved, transport its participants to altered states of consciousness, sometimes called sub-space. And it can be playful, imaginative and fun. In my experience, people I’ve met in the lifestyle are some of the most open and considerate people I know, for whom consent is paramount and pleasure is key.
Gigi is also deeply involved with the BDSM world. Today, she advocates for the healing, cathartic, and spiritual power of BDSM as founder and Sacred Harlot of Aphrodite’s Temple. This modern-day sex temple provides sex-positive education and a sex-positive sacred play space for adults. Gigi’s book is called The Dominant’s Handbook: an Intimate Guide to BDSM Play. Gigi wrote the essay Walking in Shadows: Third Gender and Spirituality about her intersex identity.
If you’re interested in exploring this further, check out these links:
The BDSM Interest Evaluation - https://www.ravenslairleather.com/free-offers
The Dominant’s Handbook - An Intimate Guide to BDSM -https://www.ravenslairleather.com/ravenslairbooks
Adult Bedtime Stories - https://rss.com/podcasts/adult-bedtime-stories/
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A friend suggested that I celebrate Episode 100 of this podcast by reuniting my former co-hosts, Peter Marriott and Zoe Kors. Since Peter and I started recording the podcast in June, much has changed - some of it good and some not-so-good.
For a start, Peter moved to Sheffield, where he had been a lecturer at the University for many years. He is rekindling old friendships, making lots of new ones, and dabbling in the local kink scene.
Zoe, meanwhile, is on the verge of launching a new course, Practical Intimacy for Couples, is writing her memoir (!), and, from the sound of it, has a full roster of clients.
I’m also juggling the increasing demands of hosting this podcast alongside my new role as UK Sales & Marketing Director for Firmtech, singing and co-facilitating Startup School for Seniors.
I hope you enjoy this particular episode. And if you appreciate the work we all have put in, please consider becoming a paid subscriber, which will help contribute to the running costs while helping to enhance and support the sex lives of older people. :)
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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I met Mo in Las Palmas six months ago when she told me about her desire to open a co-working space there. Well, it opened two weeks ago! So, I decided to take the opportunity to talk to her about her dating life while on a six-day trip there.
Although there’s more than a 10-year age gap between us, we share our frustration and the problems that come with trying to find a partner using an app. As someone who has tried various apps over the years, I've become increasingly frustrated with the superficial and ineffective nature of online dating. It seems I’m not alone, as multiple articles have been published recently about their ineffectiveness.
While Mo comes from the ‘Hot or Not’ days, and my history dates back to a very early dating site/erotic magazine called Nerve, we have noticed how swiping reduces people to their physical attributes and tries to ‘gamify’ the whole experience. The matching algorithms feel so shallow as if they're more focused on looks than actual compatibility.
Another major problem is the lack of meaningful communication. It's become so common for people to simply "ghost"—disappear without any explanation. This is incredibly disheartening and makes the whole dating process feel like a draining chore rather than an opportunity to find a genuine connection.
Mo and I agree that in-person interaction is so important in dating. There's an energy and chemistry that can't be captured on a screen.
This episode gets at the heart of our frustrations with modern dating. I hope it encourages listeners to approach finding a partner in a more holistic and authentic way rather than relying solely on these flawed dating apps. The right connection is out there; we just have to be willing to try to find it!
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I met Leora Lightwoman by chance at the launch party for Monique Roffey's new book, Passiontide, which I highly recommend as a great summer read. Leora's name had come up over the years within the tantra community, so I was delighted when she booked to come on the show and talk about her work. Softly spoken, Leora exudes calmness, which explains why she is highly sought after by those who want to deepen their intimacy and connection with their partner.
Tantra has had a negative reputation over the years, and I know from speaking to many "tantric practitioners" that its definition can vary greatly from person to person. As someone who has explored this practice and enjoyed techniques I've read about in the classic "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy" by Margot Anand and learned from practitioners such as Jahnet Delight, I was pleased to learn that Leora had studied with Anand, which suggested we would be on the same page discussing tantra.
During our conversation, Leora delves into practical tips for using tantra, easy exercises for beginners, and what couples can expect when they come to her for relationship counselling.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported weekly newsletter. If you believe that maintaining a healthy and happy sex life in later years is important, and you want more people to feel confident about exploring sexual pleasure as they age, consider becoming a subscriber.
Buy Leora’s Book, Tantra: The Path to Blissful Sex, here.
You can find Leora here:
https://diamondlighttantra.com/
https://www.facebook.com/DiamondLightTantra
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I love to learn what motivates those working in sex education and as sex therapists/sexologists to choose this career path. For Austin Cresap, who works as a sex educator and sex therapist in Seattle, Washington, it was through numerous conversations with her grandma, now in her eighties.
Since training, she has become her grandma’s go-to person for discussing her intimate life, and Austin has, in turn, focused on the older generation as an aspect of her work.
There’s no cut-off date when it comes to learning about sex and intimacy. However, there is a shortage of information and interest from doctors in how to navigate one’s sex life when older, especially when it comes to people who may live with chronic pain or have a chronic illness. And it’s people such as Austin who can advocate for those who shy away from having uncomfortable conversations with medical professionals.
As Austin and I acknowledge, so many messages exist about what is or isn’t acceptable to do in later life. The more we can smash those taboos, reframe what older life can look like and embrace who we are, warts and all, the more we can continue to enjoy sex in a way that feels good for us.
You can find Austin at her website: www.icameheretotalktherapy.com
Instagram/TikTok: @icameheretotalk
You can find the accessible sex toy Austin recommends here: https://www.pushmobility.com.au/products/luddi-ziggy
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The stats for the percentage of men with erectile dysfunction are pretty staggering:
Approximately 41.5% of men in the UK reported experiencing ED, according to a 2018 study conducted by Viatris, Queen's University Belfast, and Pfizer. And it only increases with age:
- Around 29.3% for men aged 18-39
- About 45.6% of men aged 40 and over
According to research by the British Association of Urological Surgeons, 50-55% of British men between 40 and 70 years old have some degree of ED.
Ken Schafer can count himself as one of those men who also struggled with ED, and, like many men, he went straight for Viagra to cure his problem. After some time, that failed to work, so he started to look for other solutions. His journey led him to write a book, ‘A Practical Guide to Managing Erectile Dysfunction’ and to help now men like himself struggling with ED. In particular, he signposts his clients to specific practitioners who can support them in becoming more fit and healthy and, as a result, remove the requirement for pharmaceuticals and other medical interventions.
I found Ken’s honesty and willingness to be vulnerable about this particular challenge with ED very refreshing. And if you have a title for his job, please share it with me!
Web:
https://www.healthysexualitywithken.com/
Social media:
https://www.instagram.com/healthys3xualitywithken/https://www.tiktok.com/@healthys3xualitywithkenhttps://www.youtube.com/@HealthySexualityWithKenLLChttps://www.facebook.com/healthys3xualitywithkenllchttps://twitter.com/HSWKen
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Dr Marcy Brink is an intimacy and relationship coach who is here to challenge the traditional "relationship escalator" and explore alternative paths to connection and fulfilment.
Many of us have already lived the life outlined by societal norms - the expected progression of dating, exclusivity, marriage, and children. Relationship counsellors call this the ‘relationship escalator.’
But as we grow older, we may begin to wonder, "What else is possible?" Dr. Brink's clients have expressed a desire for more flexibility and autonomy in their relationships. They want to enjoy sexual and romantic connections without the pressure of traditional commitments like marriage or cohabitation.
Younger generations are already paving the way, freely exploring alternative sexualities and designing new models of intimacy. Embracing meaningful connections with play partners, dating across age differences, and trying consensual non-monogamy are just a few examples of the innovative ways people are redefining intimacy.
During our conversation, we discussed how social norms have shaped our dating and sex lives and how we can begin to think deeply about our authentic needs and desires. The goal is to empower us to communicate these needs openly with potential partners so we can all experience more pleasure and fulfilment in our later lives.
Join us as we rethink the relationship escalator and discover the vast possibilities for creating the intimate connections we genuinely crave.
https://www.instagram.com/marcy.brink/
https://www.facebook.com/sexandintimacy/
http://linkedin.com/in/marcy-brink-phd-sexandintimacy
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