Episodi
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What actually goes on when you attend a session with a sex therapist and what are some of the tools they use to try and help singles and couples to overcome their challenges around sex.
After a hundred or more episodes, in which I suspect I have overlooked many of the practical aspects of sex therapy, I decided to use my conversation with Dr. Denise Renye to get into the nitty gritty of her profession.
We begin by addressing the natural nervousness many of her clients feel when stepping into therapy for the first time. Dr. Renye reassures us that this is completely normal and shares practical tools to help ease into the process, creating an environment where they can feel safe and understood. She then introduced me to the "Wheel of Consent," a powerful tool that clarifies how we can navigate our desires and boundaries.
We also talked about the practice of sensate focus, a method that encourages couples to reconnect with their partner by focusing on touch and sensation rather than performance. This approach invites them to shift their attention toward presence and shared experiences, helping to reignite the spark in their intimate lives. She reminds us that intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about being present with one another.
We also explored the importance of setting boundaries, a vital part of building trust and safety in any relationship. Dr. Renye guided me through ways we can establish and respect boundaries, helping us create relationships that feel secure and fulfilling. For those of us who may struggle with performance anxiety, she introduces the "4D Wheel," a tool designed to help us reframe our anxieties and approach intimacy with curiosity and compassion.
I hope you find these tools useful and would encourage you to find out more about them.
You can find Dr. Denise Renye here.
00:00 Understanding Sex Therapy
02:47 Navigating Nervousness in Therapy
06:08 The Wheel of Consent Explained
08:55 Comparing Consent Tools
11:46 Sensate Focus and Its Benefits
14:52 Re-engaging with Intimacy
18:07 Exploring Boundaries in Intimacy
20:59 The 4D Wheel and Performance Anxiety
24:00 Resources for Sexual Health
27:07 Closing Thoughts on Intimacy
Dr. Denise Renye has specialised training and has worked directly with people in the areas of sexuality, relationships, states of consciousness, psychedelic integration and intimacy. She holds several degrees and accreditations. You can find out more about her here.
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If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors I had the pleasure of speaking with fellow Substacker Ally Iseman, a relationship coach and self-proclaimed non-monogamy nerd, about the nuances of ethical non-monogamy and its implications for older adults exploring new relationship dynamics.
This is an area in which I’m too familiar, having been in several relationships, both serious and casual, in which monogamy was not part of the construct. And I am now in a situationship, which has some degree of flexibility around it.
We delved into the importance of communication in relationships, particularly when considering non-traditional structures like polyamory and swinging. Ali emphasised that understanding and articulating one's needs and boundaries are crucial, regardless of the relationship style.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
We also discussed the challenges and misconceptions surrounding non-monogamy, such as jealousy and societal expectations, and how these can be navigated through open dialogue and self-awareness. Although monogamy comes with its own particular challenges, so do relationships that may involve multiple partners.
Our conversation highlighted the potential for personal growth and fulfilment through exploring different relationship dynamics, especially later in life when individuals may seek new experiences or have different emotional and physical needs.
Chapters
00:00 Exploring Non-Monogamy and Relationships
09:58 Communication in Non-Monogamous Relationships
20:10 Understanding Jealousy and Compersion
30:04 Navigating Relationship Dynamics in Later Life
You can find Ali here:
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Episodi mancanti?
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I’m always intrigued by what inspires ‘sexperts’ to help others navigate the challenges within their sexual relationships. For many I’ve met, their journey into this field is often deeply personal, shaped by their own experiences and struggles.
In this recent conversation, intimacy coach Anna Marti, whom I have met before, shared her path to becoming an intimacy coach. Her journey was profoundly influenced by her experiences with trauma in relationships, particularly with a long-term partner who had a traumatic sexual history. Their shared effort to rediscover sexual pleasure and connection ultimately motivated Anna to pursue a career as a counsellor and learn how to heal others who found it difficult to move on from their traumatic past.
Our discussion delved into the cultural influences on sexuality, the critical role of communication in intimacy, and the importance of redefining pleasure beyond conventional ideas of sex. Anna highlighted the value of bridging body and spirit, dispelling misconceptions about intimacy, and embracing playfulness in relationships.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Intimacy Coaching
03:01 Understanding Trauma and Relationships
05:59 Exploring Sexuality and Cultural Influences
08:56 The Role of Communication in Intimacy
11:51 Redefining Sex and Pleasure
15:06 Bridging Body and Spirit
18:02 Misconceptions About Intimacy
21:11 Finding Playfulness in Relationships
23:54 Key Takeaways on Connection and Healing
You can find Anna here: https://annamarti.com
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
It was great to welcome back Amara Charles to Sex Advice for Seniors, a relationship and sexual empowerment expert and best selling author of three books. I really love this woman - she has a wonderful calm energy about her and she positive lights up when she talks about her work.
In this episode I was keen to delve into the practise of concept of Quodoushka, which represents the fusion of energies to create a greater whole. Amara is an expert on this ancient practise, having written a book about it, and believes there are nine male and female genital anatomy types--such as Coyote Man or Buffalo Woman.
I know it all sounds very woo woo, but when Amara is talking about it, it actually makes perfect sense because I certainly have known men who liked to howl like a coyote during sex (I used to worry he would wake up the neighbours).
Amara discusses the three essential pillars of ageless sexuality: embodied presence, resonant communication, and sexual alchemy. Through personal stories and insights, we explore how understanding one's genital anatomy can enhance sexual experiences, the importance of acceptance in pleasure, and the potential for growth and vibrancy in sexuality as one ages. Ultimately, I’m a great believer in that whatever system works in helping us become closer, more intimate, with our partner(s), the better. And Amara has certainly witnessed, as we discussed, the transformative power using Quodoushka can have on our clients.
If you’d like to find out more about Amara visit her website:
https://amaracharles.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@amaracharles7203
Here Mystic Rapture Couples Intimacy Retreat is being held in Costa Rica May 3-10, 2025. It sounds AMAZING.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Kodoshka and Amara Charles
10:32 Understanding Genital Anatomy Types
22:53 The Third Pillar: Sexual Alchemy
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
One of the recurring topics in my conversations with older people is how to navigate a sexless relationship, especially when one person in the partnership wants more sex than the other.
Having spent the last four years of my own marriage celibate, I am familiar with this dynamic. In my case, my sexual dissatisfaction was not defined by my ability to orgasm (which I had always taken control of) but more of an inability to communicate my desires and a lack of vernacular around sex and overall confidence to even know how to start the conversation.
In my conversation with sexologist Renée Yvonne we discuss the challenges of navigating sexless relationships, the importance of communication about desires, and the need for understanding female pleasure.
We explore how sexual satisfaction impacts overall well-being and the emotional toll of unmet sexual needs. Renée shares her experiences and insights as a certified sex counsellor, offering practical advice for couples to enhance intimacy and connection.
There’s no age-specificity when it comes to learning how to talk about sex. Whether with a new partner or in a long-term relationship, we can all benefit from improving our communication skills in this area.
00:00 Navigating Sexless Relationships
09:55 Communication and Desire
20:01 Understanding Female Pleasure
29:57 The Impact of Sexual Satisfaction on Well-being
You can find Renée Yvonne here:
www.thegensexologist.com
Listen to previous episodes of her The Gen SeXy Podcast here.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Rose Rouse is the editor of the social enterprise Advantages of Age and Now magazine on Substack, which we founded together back in 2016 to challenge the media narrative around ageing. She also happens to be one of my good friends.
We share many of the same views on ageing, believing that getting older doesn’t mean being "past it." We both enjoy wearing flowers in our hair from time to time, shopping sustainably, exploring out-of-the-way places, and generally being curious about life.
However, when it comes to relationships, we’re quite literally miles apart. I prefer the men I’m involved with to be within a 30-minute to one-hour proximity, while Rose has been in a decade-long relationship with a man who lives about six hours away. I’m not very monogamous, whereas she is deeply monogamous.
I thought it would be fun to explore what it’s like to have a "living together apart" (LTA) relationship and how Rose has managed to make it work for so long—especially when health issues arise, for example. We ended up diving deep into the topic, so much so that by the end she said to me, “And we didn’t even get to the sex part!”
That’s true—we didn’t. So, I suspect we’ll have to revisit that in another episode. (I try to stick to 30 minutes to keep things engaging and prevent boredom from setting in.)
You can follow and subscribe to Rose’s own Substack, thespirited70something.
00:00 Introduction to Unique Relationships
01:12 The Beginning of Rose and Asanga's Journey
06:19 Maintaining Emotional Connection
11:22 Balancing Independence and Commitment
15:06 Celebrating a Decade Together
19:38 Navigating Aging and Future Challenges
24:04 Family Dynamics and Relationship Growth
25:11 Mature Love and Personal Growth
27:24 The Decision to Share a Bed
30:54 Conclusion and Future Possibilities
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', me and somatic psychotherapist Erica Shershun, Author of Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook, discuss the pervasive issue of sexual trauma, particularly in light of recent high-profile cases such as Gisele Pelicot. We explore the impact of rape culture, the importance of recognising trauma symptoms, and effective healing techniques.
Subscribe for honest, stigma-free sex advice for people who refuse to let age define their desires. Receive the weekly podcast direct to your inbox. ;)
Erica shares insights from her work with trauma survivors, addressing common misconceptions about trauma and healing, and introduces her new guided journal aimed at helping individuals navigate their healing journey.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Sexual Trauma Awareness
01:48 The Impact of Rape Culture
13:17 Healing Techniques for Trauma Survivors
22:52 Recognising Trauma Symptoms
26:51 Misconceptions About Trauma and Healing
28:56 New Resources for Healing Sexual Trauma
Erika’s new Healing Sexual Trauma Guided Journal is available now via Amazon.
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
Want to go deeper? Join The Intimacy Insider Membership for exclusive advice, unfiltered stories, and expert reviews that will transform the way you experience intimacy.
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What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts and me in the chat room.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for ageing bodies - COMING SOON!🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence on Substack Live.
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Darlaine and I have met before, and in this conversation we talk openly and honestly about the challenges of sexual health, especially for women after breast cancer. We shared some of our personal experiences and talked about how hormonal treatments can impact intimacy, as well as the importance of taking care of vaginal health.
We also discussed how lifestyle choices can make a big difference, busted a few myths about feminine hygiene products, and looked at environmental factors that contribute to breast cancer. For me, the biggest takeaway was how much we need better education and support when it comes to sexual health, especially for women as we get older.
Chapters
02:57 Personal Experiences and Challenges
05:54 Exploring Sexual Health Post-Breast Cancer
09:02 The Importance of Vaginal Health
12:01 Understanding Hormonal Treatments
15:02 The Impact of Lifestyle on Sexual Health
18:05 Debunking Myths About Feminine Hygiene Products
20:58 Environmental Factors and Breast Cancer
24:01 Navigating Intimacy and Aging
26:53 Addressing Sexual Health Concerns
29:52 Conclusion and Future Conversations
Here’s what others have to say:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table after dessert with good friends, giving voice to what some of us have been feeling and thinking for ages!"
"Love the dialogue, love the subject, will be a devoted listener!!
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It was great to have Ena Xena back on the show, recently back from a winter in Goa and glowing. The last time she was on the programme we talked briefly about her work in ‘Human Design’ - a set of energy types that helps us to understand how to show up in the world, and how others relate to us.
Similar to the astrological chart, in that energy types are defined according to birth date, time and place (only three months before your actual birth occurs). “Human Design offers a map of your unique genetic design, with detailed information on both conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself.”
In this episode, we discussed Ena’s forthcoming workshops - one on Human Design and the other about Full Body Orgasms (where you are fully clothed!).
These will be taking place on the Union Canal, London, from 23rd February - 1st March and are entirely FREE, funded by the London Borough of Kensington & Chelsea.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Human Design and Workshops
03:04 Exploring Human Design Energy Types
06:11 Understanding Relationships through Human Design
09:01 The Role of Energy in Relationships
11:55 Full Body Orgasm Workshop Overview
14:50 Navigating Sexual Energy and Confidence
17:53 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
21:02 Normalising Conversations about Sexuality
23:46 Conclusion and Workshop Details
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.
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One of the perks of my ‘job’ is occasionally being offered incredible freebies I can’t refuse. My massive sex toy collection is one example, and another is the post I wrote about a sensual massage I received from Colin Richards.
After nearly two hours of being massaged and sensually stroked by the country’s leading sensual masseur, I felt as though I’d just returned from a week-long holiday (one where I’d been liberally coated in oil). It was divine, and I was eager to catch up with him to hear about his latest venture—a web-based channel for those who enjoy both giving and receiving sensual massage.
While it may seem niche, more and more people, especially later in life, are exploring sensual massage as a way to revive their libido, deepen their connection with a partner, and fully embrace pleasure. In the world of massage, however, advertising these services can be tricky, as they often sit somewhere between adult work (even though penetration is typically not involved) and traditional massage.
That said, the sensual masseurs I’ve met take their work very seriously, ensuring that clients’ boundaries are respected and that the experience aligns with what the client is seeking.
Currently, the networking platform operates as a Telegram chat group called Intimacy Matters. This is described as “the first phase of creating a networking platform to unite sensual massage lovers and general sensualists.”
Colin explains: “To qualify to join, you should take great pleasure in giving and receiving erotic intimacy or, ideally, have some experience in sensual massage. You should appreciate intimacy and connection during sex. Empathy, authenticity, and being a good person should form the core of your values.”
To get access too the chat group you must complete the Application Form
00:00 Introduction to Sensual Massage and Community Building
05:58 Creating a Safe Space for Intimacy
12:03 Exploring Consent and Boundaries in Sensual Experiences
18:11 The Future of Intimacy and Sensuality for Older Adults
You can find Colin Richards at:
Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/Intimacymatters
Twitter; https://twitter.com/IntimacyMatters
Website: https://www.intimacymatters.co.uk
Colin is a member of The Association of Somatic & Integrative Sexologists
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.
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I have a very large sex toy collection, most given to me for free. When friends have come over and seen the overspilling box of toys next to my bed, the most common reaction is, “Wow, how do you find the time to use all of that?!'“
Here's the thing: testing out sex toys is a job like any other, and nobody knows that better than my guest, Ralph Greco. He has been reviewing toys for websites, magazines like Hustler, and anyone else willing to pay him for over a decade. As a result, I suspect he has a much larger toy collection than I do. I don’t envy him for that, though, because toys take up space, are mostly not recyclable, and we have only so many erogenous zones for which a vibrating device can enhance our pleasure.
Ralph is very funny and it was great to dive into the world of sex toys and our respective experiences using them. For those who have not been initiated into the world of sex toys, Ralph and I discuss how to get started, what does or doesn’t make a sex toy useful, the growing interest in prostate play amongst older men. We also touched on what to do when you have accumulated too many toys - is it OK to sell them on secondhand toy/underwear/pantyhose sites?
We we also delve into the evolving landscape of men's pleasure products, discussing the shift in perception towards adult toys for men. And we debate the balance between simplicity and complexity in product features, while humorously contemplating the future of pleasure with the potential rise of robotic companions.
00:00 Introduction to Naughty Writing and Erotica
06:01 Exploring Prostate Play and Older Men
13:57 The Challenge of Toy Accumulation and Disposal
19:12 Exploring Men's Toys: A Shift in Perception
25:31 Safety and Quality: The New Standards in Adult Toys
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now.
Ralph’s New Book is out on Valentine’s Day! It’s called Sex: Everything You Didn't Know You Needed to Know and is co-authored with M. Christian.
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Ken and I had a conversation last year about his relatively new business focused on supporting men with erectile dysfunction. His goal was to help them navigate the U.S. healthcare system and address their challenges in achieving and maintaining an erection.
Having experienced this issue firsthand and struggled to find a helpful healthcare provider, Ken wanted to save other men the time and effort. He wanted to work with them to understand their circumstances and experiences, ultimately providing a tailored recovery pathway.
Unfortunately, as we discussed in the show, he found it challenging to reach potential customers, who, I suspect, felt too ashamed to discuss their sexual health with another man who lacked a PhD, despite being a fully qualified sexologist and training with the Dr. Rachael Institute.
Our conversation delves into the stigma surrounding ED, the role of lifestyle and health in managing the condition, and the need for men to advocate for their sexual health. We also explore societal expectations of masculinity and the performative nature of male sexuality, as well as advancements in ED treatments and the importance of a holistic approach to health. Ken emphasises the need for open conversations about ED and the resources available to help men navigate their sexual health challenges.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Erectile Dysfunction
01:24 Ken's Personal Journey with ED
03:17 Understanding the Underlying Causes of ED
05:12 The Role of Lifestyle and Health
08:03 Advocating for Sexual Health
10:28 Breaking the Stigma Around ED
12:00 Marketing Challenges in ED Coaching
13:54 Societal Expectations and Masculinity
16:50 The Performative Nature of Male Sexuality
19:31 Advancements in ED Treatments
22:21 The Importance of Holistic Health
25:20 Navigating ED as a Lifelong Journey
29:03 Conclusion and Resources for ED
https://www.healthysexualitywithken.com/
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What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for older bodies.🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire, and pleasure without shame. Join them—subscribe now.
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OMG, I love this woman!
The last time Susan Bratton was on the show, we dived into all things related to sex and intimacy, including non-monogamy. Since then, she has appeared on ‘Diary of a CEO’ with Steven Bartlett, so she’s gone even more into the stratosphere than she was before, and I feel blessed to have her here talking to me. Steven calls her the ‘Orgasm Queen’ but, for me, Susan’s knowledge about sex and intimacy go way beyond the orgasm.
For this episode, we decided to focus specifically on pumping, of which Susan knows her stuff, as you’ll find out!
Until about a year ago, I had no clue what pumping was. I vaguely remember seeing ads in the back of comic books as a kid, claiming that men could increase the size of their penis with a large cylinder-like apparatus.
After chatting with several urologists on the show, who mentioned pumps to help men regain erections post-prostate surgery and clitoral pumps for older women seeking increased blood flow to their genitals, my partner and I decided to buy pumps and give them a try. I have to admit that, while I don’t use it often, my partner really enjoys it and has definitely noticed an increase in girth and the ability to maintain his erection. Plus, it’s pretty kinky to watch a partner pump and vice versa, a sentiment Susan and I both agree on!
On a more serious note, studies are now being undertaken to determine the effectiveness of pumping for men with erectile dysfunction and nerve damage through surgical procedures. Anecdotal evidence suggests that pumping can help restore blood flow to the penis (and the clitoris) meaning greater sensitivity and more pleasureable sex.
In short, if you’re an older guy, than you should be pumping 3 - 4 times per week and there’s nothing shameful or dangerous about pumping when used correctly.
And, here, for the first time is our video conversation!!
Here are some of the products we featured:
FirmTech MaxPR cock ring. Use my Code NOBLEDISC20 for 20% off. Buy here.
GRO N SHOW Men's Pump Package
LadyPump
Stimulate Red Light Pump Accessory
AndroDEEP Penile Extender for Length:
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Penis Pumps
02:58 Understanding the Mechanics of Pumping
06:05 The Kinky Side of Pumping
09:08 The Benefits of Clitoral Pumping
12:02 Pumping as Self-Care
15:04 The Science Behind Pumping
18:00 Choosing the Right Pump
21:00 Normalizing Pumping for Men
24:02 Conclusion and Future Perspectives
28:00 Understanding Erectile Dysfunction and Treatment Options
30:45 The Role of Red Light Therapy and Traction Devices
34:49 The Importance of Nitric Oxide for Sexual Health
40:54 Tools and Techniques for Enhancing Sexual Health
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported podcast, weekly newsletter with random notes, erotic stories and observations about sex, dating and relationships in later life.
Paid subscribers benefit from accessing all the paywalled content (podcasts and posts over two weeks old), naughtier-than-usual posts, joining me on Chat, supporting all my voluntary work with academics, doctors and health professionals in shaping how we talk about sex and intimacy issues with older adults. It’s only £4.99/month or £49.99/year.
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Laurie Stone is author of six books, most recently "Streaming Now, Postcards from the Thing that is Happening," longlisted for the PEN/Diamonstein-Spielvogel Award. She writes the Substack "Everything is Personal.”
When I read Laurie’s Stone Substack article about her decision to marry her long-term partner Richard at 78, following a brief two-week engagement, I knew I had to contact her. It was subsequently covered in the ‘Vows’ section in the New York Times.
Laurie and I have many mutual friends, mostly other writers and creative types, which led me to suspect her choice to marry was likely more thoughtful and less conventional than the typical “we’ve been together so long, we might as well.”
Just three weeks earlier, at a friend’s Christmas party, I had encountered another writer in her fifties, someone I had met a few times, who had recently announced her engagement to her partner of five years. (I’m sensing a micro-trend here). She expressed surprise at the mixed reactions from friends, ranging from “Well, I guess someone has to” to “Congratulations, how wonderful.”
I might have asked her if her decision was based purely on romance, to which she appeared taken aback and said “Yes, of course.” I explained that after my most recent partner passed away, I became acutely aware of my lack of agency, particularly in not being able to communicate directly with his doctors or stay informed about his declining health. It had left me feeling frustrated and angry.
This experience highlighted for me the emotional difficulties of being partnered but not married in the traditional sense, helping me understand some of the complexities involved and why deciding to marry when you’re no longer in your 20s or 30s, is not always a romantic one.
I have to admit I’m cynical about romance, having not had the best track record when it comes to long-term relationships and my own decade-long marriage was not filled with joy, and so I am curious as to why anyone would consciously choose to ‘tie-the-knot’ when my age. But I’m also a great believer in the old cliche, ‘To each, to his own,’ and have several friends who have been happily married for decades, so clearly it does work for some people, only not for me!
In any case, I’m not going to spoil some of the many interesting observations about love and marriage that Laurie shared with me during this discussion but only to say I hope you will enjoy our conversation as much as I did.
Laurie is hosting her next workshop on taking risks in your writing to which you are invited to attend if you become one of her paid subscribers. It’s taking place on 25th January 3 - 4 pm EST. The cost for a year is $37.50 and $3.75 a month making it one of the least expensive Substacks on the platform. “It’s uniquely literary, funny, sexy, and feminist.”
To RSVP, please write to: [email protected] (once you become a paid subscriber)
00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
10:41 The Wedding Experience: A Unique Perspective
16:04 Reflections on Marriage and Practical Considerations
22:33 Writing and Personal Experiences: The Creative Process
30:52 Closing Thoughts and Future Plans
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported podcast, weekly newsletter with random notes and observations about sex, dating and relationships in later life.
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Delving Into the Sexual Revolution
In this lively chat, I had the pleasure of interviewing Sam Feldman, the very engaging and funny author of 'Hookups, Hiccups and Happenstances.' We delved into the juicy bits of the sexual revolution, shared a few personal tales about intimacy, and had a good old chinwag about why communication is absolutely vital for keeping long-term relationships ticking along.
Sam shared some cracking insights from his own life, including how health can sometimes be a bit of a party pooper when it comes to sexuality, and the sheer joy of date nights. He cheekily reminded us that age is just a number—definitely not a barrier to having a right good time in the bedroom or beyond!
Takeaways:
* The sexual revolution brought significant changes in women's empowerment (both good & bad)!
* Personal experiences shape the narratives in erotic literature.
* Health challenges can impact sexual intimacy but can be adapted to.
* Ethical non-monogamy was practiced before the term existed.
* Date nights can enhance connection and intimacy in relationships - no matter what your age!
Chapters
00:00 The Sexual Revolution: A Historical Perspective
06:03 Personal Experiences and Ethical Non-Monogamy
12:08 Maintaining Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships
17:50 Adapting to Change: Health and Sexuality
24:05 The Importance of Communication and Connection
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To pledge your support, help keep this going and for me to spend more time promoting the joys of sex and intimacy for older adults, consider becoming a paid subscriber. A little goes a long way.
Hookups, Hiccups, and Happenstances is a collection of erotic short stories that capture the spirit of the era when attitudes toward sex were being redefined. Set in the wild, libertine world of the 60s and 70s, Sam’s stories follow the character of Butch, a man admired by both men and women for his unapologetic embrace of sexual freedom. The book explores encounters that celebrate human desire, autonomy, and mutual pleasure, offering a refreshing and boundary-pushing perspective on relationships.
You can buy it here.
Find Sam on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sam.l.feldman
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One question that often comes up is how to make dating easier for men and women seeking serious relationships.
From my experience, finding a man who wants regular sex and understands female anatomy is far less challenging than finding one who desires a deep, meaningful connection beyond just physical intimacy.
I’ve been a virtual Facebook friend of Shakti Sundari for several years. During that time, I’ve watched her navigate relationships with men who were clearly incompatible, trying to make things work despite the odds. After taking a break due to family responsibilities, she moved to Glastonbury and settled into the community, which required some adjustment.
Recently, over the past three months, she’s been documenting her reengagement with dating on her Facebook profile. She expresses a desire to flirt, have fun, and eventually find a proper adult relationship. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading her long, detailed posts. Shakti has a wonderful curiosity and an open energy. Unlike many women I’ve spoken to who find the online dating scene disheartening and have given up, I can sense that Shakti is still in the process of figuring it all out and wants to help others to find the ‘conscious connection’ they are seeking too.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to receive sexy stories and sex toy reviews, helping me to support more older people to have pleasurable sex.
While she’s still navigating all of this, and being an educator for a significant period of time, teaching tantra, amongst other disciplines, she has decided to hold a series of workshops to offer women and men, during separate events, the opportunity to share their thoughts on the dating world, their experiences and with the hope of gaining more clarity in themselves and their online profiles in how they express themselves and what they are seeking in a partner.
She’s offering two online introductory events in January (more if there's demand): on Wed, Jan 15th & Sat, Jan 18th, 2025
Both will follow the same format. There'll be a maximum of 20 participants per session. Every woman is warmly welcome
Gathering #1
When: Wednesday, 15th January, 7-9pmWhere: Online via zoom
Registration: £11 via this PayPal link (please select friends & family payment option):
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/shaktisundarilove/11
You can find all the information about the Conscious Dating Collective Workshops here:
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In this chat, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sydney Zwicker about the many aspects of pelvic health, especially for women. We explored the emotional and physical connections tied to pelvic health and why women often seek support. It was fascinating to discuss the importance of addressing both physical issues and emotional trauma.
Sydney shared her holistic approach to healing, which includes various bodywork techniques and the vital role of creating a safe space for women to reconnect with their bodies. We also touched on men’s experiences, the significance of communication in intimacy, and the need to rethink societal narratives around menopause and women’s health.
* Pelvic health discussions are vital for women of all ages.
* Emotional stories are intertwined with physical health.
* Women often seek help for physical pain, emotional trauma, or spiritual disconnection.
* Healing requires addressing both physical and emotional aspects.
* Techniques include bodywork, visualization, and somatic coaching.
* Men also experience pelvic health issues and need support.
* Intimacy can exist without sexuality, focusing on connection.
Sound Bites
* "You can't separate a woman from her story."
* "The body is not out to get us."
* "There's no shame in the healing process."
* "Men need this work too."
* "Intimacy doesn't have to involve sexuality."
* "Communication is a practice."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Pelvic Health Conversations
01:23 Understanding Pelvic Health and Emotional Connection
02:36 Pain Points and Reasons for Seeking Help
04:31 The Interplay of Physical and Emotional Health
06:30 Techniques for Healing and Body Awareness
08:11 Expanding the Scope: Working with Men
10:45 The Importance of Emotional Maturity in Healing
12:12 Navigating Touch and Intimacy
15:40 The Need for Non-Sexual Intimacy
18:00 Communication and Intimacy in Relationships
21:45 The Role of Elders and Wisdom in Sexuality
24:28 Menopause: A Rite of Passage
27:56 Reframing the Narrative Around Menopause
30:22 The Purpose of Menopause in Evolution
32:22 The Dangers of Medical Interventions
35:54 The Importance of Body Awareness and Education
https://www.zwickerhealingarts.com/
https://www.instagram.com/zwickerhealingarts
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In this episode of "Sex Advice for Seniors," I had the pleasure of chatting with Bel de Lorenzo about something intriguing: vaginal gymnastics or pompoir training, as it’s sometimes called. This practice isn’t just about fun; it’s all about enhancing pelvic floor strength and boosting sexual pleasure. And the best news is you don’t need to be an Olympiad or have any special skills to become an expert.
We dove into why understanding the pelvic floor is so important and explored various techniques and exercises that anyone can try, no matter their starting point. Bel highlighted that training can be not only beneficial but also enjoyable—who knew working on your pelvic floor could be so engaging?
We also touched on the importance of rest and recovery in any training regimen and discussed how tools and toys can elevate the experience. It was a fascinating conversation, full of insights that can help boost libido, confidence, and overall well-being. You’ll find a discount code at the end for Bel’s Vaginal Gymnastics programme. I’m curious to try it myself and will be filling you in on how my training goes!
Key Takeaways
* There's always something new to learn about sex.
* Vaginal gymnastics can enhance dexterity and pleasure.
* Kegel exercises are just the beginning of pelvic floor training.
* Using fingers can help understand pelvic floor movements better.
* A strong pelvic floor can alleviate incontinence issues.
* Training can lead to heightened sensitivity and pleasure during sex.
* You can start pelvic floor training at any age or fitness level.
* Rest and recovery are crucial for muscle growth and strength.
* Training can enhance libido and sexual confidence.
* Making training fun is essential for consistency.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Vaginal Gymnastics
05:58 Exploring Techniques and Exercises
12:12 Benefits Beyond Pleasure
18:05 The Connection Between Sensation and Training
24:10 Enhancing Libido and Confidence
29:54 Conclusion and Program Details
www.gohddess.com
Coupon code SA4S gets them 25% off on the program, it is a one-time fee for life.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@gohddess
Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/pompoir/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@goh.ddess
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Sexologist Chris Hands and I met a few months ago but the recording was mangled, so it was great to catch up with him again and talk about the intricate dynamics of men's groups which Chris has run for several years and the pervasive influence of toxic masculinity. Our discussion delved into the cultural perspectives on sexuality, particularly among older individuals, and how these attitudes shape our experiences.
We explored the role of dance as a profound means of connection, highlighting the benefits of practices such as Biodanza and Five Rhythms in fostering intimacy and vulnerability within the realm of dating. It became clear that modern relationships are rife with complexities, especially given the disconnection many individuals, particularly men, experience in today's society.
The impact of the pandemic on our social connections cannot be overstated, as it has prompted a significant redefinition of relationships in later life. We addressed the challenges posed by societal norms in dating, emphasising the emotional dynamics at play. Ultimately, as with most of my conversations with experts, it’s all about learning how to communicate within relationships and the importance of sharing perspectives without attributing blame or anger.
takeaways
* Men's groups have evolved but often become negative.
* Toxic masculinity is pervasive and affects relationships.
* Cultural differences influence perceptions of sexuality.
* Dance can create physical connections and intimacy.
* Biodanza offers a unique way to connect with others.
* Vulnerability in dating is increasingly challenging.
* Older individuals often withdraw from discussions about sexuality.
* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation.
* Creating a supportive community is essential for connection.
* Engaging in group activities can help bridge gaps in understanding. Many men feel disconnected and lonely in today's society.
* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation and anxiety.
* Older adults are redefining what relationships look like for them.
* There is a growing desire for non-traditional relationship structures.
* Both men and women are seeking companionship without the constraints of traditional dating.
* Emotional dynamics in relationships require time and understanding to develop.
* Societal expectations often hinder genuine connections between people.
* Communication is key to navigating relationship challenges.
Sound Bites
* "Let's just rewrite the rule book."
* "Men often just want to fix things."
* "I don't do drama anymore."
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
02:54 Men's Groups and Their Evolution
05:56 The Impact of Toxic Masculinity
08:59 Cultural Perspectives on Sexuality
11:54 The Role of Dance in Connection
15:08 Exploring Biodanza and Five Rhythms
18:11 Navigating Vulnerability in Dating
21:45 The Disconnect in Modern Relationships
24:06 The Impact of the Pandemic on Social Connections
27:02 Redefining Relationships in Later Life
29:56 Challenging Societal Norms in Dating
33:09 Understanding Emotional Dynamics in Relationships
https://www.linkedin.com/in/christopher-hands-health2fit
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It seems obvious, but rarely discussed, is the relationship between how our parents conceive us and how this can significantly influence our sexual energy and development. This topic is important, as it highlights the deep-rooted connections between our childhood experiences and adult intimacy. And yet, I suspect for most of us, considering our parent’s role in how we approach our sexuality is yet another one of those topics that may bring up shame or resentment or a myriad of emotions, which help to suppress feelings of sexual desire or longing.
The Influence of Parents on Sexual Energy
It’s fascinating to consider how shame and guilt from parents can disrupt a child’s natural arousal and sexual development. These early impressions can create patterns that affect relationships later in life. Certain life stages are critical for developing a healthy understanding of sexuality, and disruptions during these times can have lasting effects.
Communication in Relationships
One of the pressing issues we discussed is the lack of communication about sexual needs within relationships. Partners often carry imprints from childhood, yet they may not fully understand how these affect their intimacy. As we noted, “The partner does not know what your imprints are,” emphasizing the need for open dialogue about desires and experiences.
Physiological Changes and Body Awareness
Physiological changes that occur in both women and men can also alter sexual experiences. Understanding these changes is essential for fostering intimacy. Body awareness plays a crucial role in sexual health; grounding therapy, for instance, helps individuals connect their energy flow with their sexuality. “Grounding is down to earth sexuality,” we agreed, highlighting its importance in enhancing intimate connections.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Navigating Survival Behaviors
We touched on how survival behaviors from childhood can hinder adult relationships. These ingrained patterns can manifest as barriers to intimacy, making it essential to recognize and address them. “When women close their vagina, men close their heart,” we noted, illustrating how emotional and physical barriers are intertwined.
Releasing Stress for Improved Intimacy
Lastly, we discussed how releasing stress through body awareness can significantly improve intimacy. By cultivating a greater understanding of our bodies and recognizing the impact of childhood experiences, we can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
https://www.rodeparel.nl/
https://www.facebook.com/maya.kerstan.3
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