Episodes
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Remember when summer meant you got to just... whatevs? No school, nowhere to be, just go. But then as an adult with ADHD, summer shows up and the structure just evaporates. Your kiddos are out of school. Friends are on vacation. Meetings get pushed, projects stall, and everyone who used to be available just... isn't. And yet you're still supposed to be fully operational.
David and Isabelle call it what it is: the evaporation of structure. Your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really starts. So they get into what actually helps. You start with a whimper. You give yourself a menu instead of a resolution. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards that don't have to look any specific way. David has a summer goal story in this episode that proves it... aaaaand might also end with Italian ice.The whole point is permission. Permission to do it your way and take a break before you think you need one. Which is exactly what David and Isabelle are doing. They're stepping away for the summer while still dropping some of the best past Something Shiny: ADHD! episodes into the feed for you to revisit. Perfect for those moments this summer when the routine is gone and your brain needs something to hold onto.
Why the evaporation of structure hits ADHD brains so hard, and why the first week is always a washWhy your brain is literally zapped by all the change before summer even really startsWhy taking a break before you think you need one is one of the most adaptive things an ADHD brain can doThe menu approach to summer and why it works when goals don'tWhat getting out of the house alone for an hour a week actually does
In this episode:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Dialectical David's word for something that holds two completely opposite truths at the same time. Summer is the break you waited for all year and also chaos incarnate. Both are true at once.
Low-Demand Parenting Isabelle's approach to the summer transition. When the demands of changing schedules, new drop-offs, and constant curveballs go way up, she cuts herself and everyone around her way more slack. You cannot have all the disruption and all the expectations. Something has to give.
The Menu Approach What David and Isabelle land on as the ADHD-friendly alternative to summer goals. Two or three low-stakes things to work towards through the summer. No pressure to finish. No pressure to do them every day. When your routine disappears, you pick from the menu.
The Artist's Way A book by Julia Cameron that Isabelle brings up as a summer goal. Built around two practices: Morning Pages and the Artist Date.
Morning Pages Three pages, any notebook, handwritten if possible, every day. Brain dump. You can burn them when you're done. The point is the release.
Artist Date One hour a week, alone, outside the house, in a new environment that has nothing to do with your work. No spending required. Isabelle and Bobby still do these.
Conception vs Perception David's distinction between what you imagine something will cost you and what it actually takes once you start. He started by walking around the block. One day he looked up from his audiobook and realized he was half a mile farther than he'd ever been.
Replays What Something Shiny is dropping in the feed this summer while David and Isabelle take a break. Best of episodes coming your way now through August.Something Shiny Fanny Pack Isabelle's send-off going into the break: get the cool fanny packs and wear them with pride everywhere. Consider it one of your summer accommodations;) Grab yours here at www.somethingshinypodcast.com/merch/p/fanny-pack.
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đŹ What's one thing you're doing your way this summer? Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify â we read them.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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If you have ADHD and grief shows up, do you stay busy? Keep moving? Find something else to do? Stay ahead of the quiet? And then through it all does it find you anyway? Waking up at 2 AM, out of nowhere, when you thought you were past it?
That's not you doing grief wrong. That's just how ADHD brains grieve. And this episode is about what to actually do when it catches up.
Last time, David and Isabelle unpacked why ADHD brains seem to grieve in the wrong order. Why you can stand dry-eyed at a funeral and then fall apart completely at a graduation. And why neither of those things means something is wrong with you. Then they get into the part nobody usually makes time for: what to actually do when it shows up.
Why ADHD brains get practical when grief shows up, and what it costs when everyone goes homeThe empirical case David makes from his own life for why how much you cry has nothing to do with how much you lovedWhat it actually means to grieve something that isn't a person. A city. A chapter. A version of yourself that no longer fits.Isabelle's therapist's tool for making a date with your grief so it stops ambushing you at 2 AM
In this episode:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Time Agnosia The ADHD experience of not being able to feel time passing the way neurotypical brains do. In this episode it comes up as one explanation for why grief doesn't hit when everyone expects it to. Your brain isn't programmed to feel things on the service's schedule. It hits when it hits, in its own time, in a future moment you weren't ready for.
Asynchronous Processing What happens when your brain doesn't process the big emotional stuff in real time. You can be right in the middle of something and feel completely fine. Then weeks later on a walk, out of nowhere, it lands. That's not numbness. That's just how your brain works.
Moral Reasoning Isabelle brings up something from a philosophy course that's stayed with her. The idea that a friend is someone you agree to mourn if they die before you. That choosing to be close to someone is already a quiet acknowledgment that one of you will miss the other. She has never forgotten it.
Practical Griever The person who, when loss shows up, immediately pivots to action. Makes the calls, brings the food, goes and cleans the house. David and Isabelle both recognize themselves here. The thing is, the grief doesn't go anywhere. It just waits until the room gets quiet.
Ambiguous Losses Grief without a clear name or a socially accepted reason to mourn. Moving away from a city you loved. Losing a version of yourself. A friendship that ended without a conversation. Isabelle talks about still carrying grief from leaving Chicago. These losses are real. They just rarely get the space real grief deserves.
"Nora" David and Isabelle's shorthand for norepinephrine, the brain chemical wired into mood, attention, and stress response. Comes up here in the context of making sure your basic needs are met before you try to sit with the hard stuff. Nora has to be okay before grief can move through you the way it needs to.
Duration Measure Isabelle's term for the container David's timer approach creates. When you decide you're going to sit with grief for a set amount of time and then get up, that's a duration measure. It makes the feeling tolerable because it has edges. You're not drowning in it. You know when it ends.
Bobby Richards Isabelle's husband and the new Executive Producer of Something Shiny: ADHD. Gets a very well-earned shoutout in this episode for the audio upgrade you're hopefully hearing right now.
Autonomic Nervous System The system that runs the involuntary stuff including heart rate, breathing, and stress response. Comes up in Isabelle's deep dive into dyspraxia and how the brain's predictive processing works differently in neurodivergent people.
Dyspraxia A motor coordination difference that often shows up alongside ADHD and autism. Isabelle has a paradigm shift in this episode about what dyspraxia actually is and how it connects to the brain's predictive software. Why change is so dysregulating. Why your body is always ten steps behind your brain.
AuDHD Having both autism and ADHD. Comes up as Isabelle and David get into the overlap between the two and what it means for how neurodivergent people process change, repetition, and sensory experience.
-------đŹ When has grief caught up with you in the quiet? On a walk, at 2 AM, weeks after you thought you were fine. Leave a comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. We read them.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much. -
Missing episodes?
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If you have ADHD, you might already know this particular kind of shame. You held it together at a super sad event (let's say a funeral). Dry-eyed, composed, functioning. And then weeks later you completely lost it over something small like a scratch in a piece of furniture, a voicemail you couldn't get a read on, or a realizing you missed claiming a hold on the book at the library you'd been waiting months for. Then you thought there was something wrong with you for not feeling grief or frustration when you were supposed to. Or for feeling it so hard in all the wrong places. Here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with you! And this episode is going to tell you why.
This conversation with David and Isabelle started with the last ten percent of a move that never gets finished, with Christmas lights still up in January, with holiday cards that feel impossible to take down because taking them down means saying goodbye. You probably have your version of all of this. Isabelle shares her story of an IKEA table, a scrap truck, and how when her husband Bobby gave the table a voice in the alley while she watched from the window, she burst into tears.
If any of this strikes a cord, David shares a reframe for all of these grief-based adventures. It's specific, it's kind, and it's going to rearrange some things you've been carrying around for a while.In this episode:
Why ADHD brains declare mission accomplished at 95 percent done, and why the last bit never happensWhy dopamine lives in anticipation, not completion, and what that means for the finish line of anythingWhat Toy Story, Beauty and the Beast, and The Iron Giant actually did to neurodivergent brains (and why you always buy the wonky stuffed animal)Why ADHD brains tend to hold onto everything or onto nothing, and what both are reaching forWhy you couldn't cry at the funeral but sobbed over an IKEA table, and what David says grief actually is-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
The ROI Equation What David calls the moment at 95 percent done when your anxiety drops, your brain decides the job is basically finished, and completing the last bit suddenly feels pointless. Not laziness. Not a character flaw. Just math.
Dopamine The brain chemical most associated with ADHD. It gets released in anticipation of a reward, not when the reward actually arrives. This is why ordering the pizza feels better than eating it, why the first ninety percent of a project is exciting and the last ten is impossible, and why the Christmas lights are still up in February.
Norepinephrine (Nora) Comes in after dopamine and helps your brain make meaning of what just happened. Also wired into the stress and anxiety response, which is why finishing something can feel worse than you expected. David and Isabelle call it "nora" throughout the episode.
Existential Intervention David's term for the conscious act of changing the meaning you attach to finishing something, since your brain won't generate that motivation on its own. Instead of waiting to feel ready, you decide what finishing actually means to you. That decision becomes the thing that gets you across the line.
Near-peer mentoring Learning from someone just a few steps ahead of you rather than an expert at a distance. Comes up in the context of the pandemic, when both David and Isabelle realized everyone's life looked a lot more like theirs than they'd assumed.
Animism The tendency to believe objects have feelings or inner lives. It shows up as why Isabelle is nearly in tears watching an IKEA table get picked up by a scrap truck, why David buys the dying flowers at the store, and why you feel genuinely bad about donating a stuffed animal with slightly off stitching. Most neurodivergent people have it. The episode makes a case for why that makes complete sense.
-------đŹ When has grief shown up for you in the wrong place? Dry-eyed at the funeral, then falling apart over a chipped mug or a table left out on the curb. Let us know in the comments on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. We read them!
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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If you have ADHD and you got your diagnosis as an adult, odds are it felt like a spotlight switched on over your entire life and everything, every struggle, every pattern, every thing you couldn't explain about yourself is suddenly lit up.
Afdhel Aziz has spent decades building an extraordinary creative life. Writer, filmmaker, keynote speaker, Forbes contributor. He even recorded an entire album in his living room last year. Through it all buildling a framework that made his career work without knowing it was an accommodation. All of it running on a neurodivergent brain he didn't have a name for yet. Then about a month and a half before this conversation, that changed.
What you're about to hear is what happens when David and Isabelle get to sit with someone who is learning to understand their ADHD in the moment. Unpacking in real time what his brain has been doing all along, why the things that worked worked, why the things that didn't couldn't, and what it means to finally see yourself clearly after years of a blurry reflection. The epiphanies were still arriving while we were recording. You'll feel that.
What a late ADHD diagnosis feels like when you're already successfulThe Four P's framework (Purpose, Priorities, Process, People) and how Afdhel built it without knowing it was an accommodationWhy ADHD and anxiety create a loop that keeps you stuck, and what breaks itWhat happened when he told his team about his diagnosis and the instruction manual that changed how they work togetherHow his marriage shifted when he stopped trying to be good at things he wasn't good atAfdhel's self-forgiveness practice: "I forgive myself for judging myself for doing X"Accommodations plus Community equals Self-Esteem and why that equation is simpler and more powerful than it soundsWhy medication might not have to be the only path and what to do when it doesn't work for your brain
In this episode:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Inattentive ADHD One of the three presentations of ADHD, characterized primarily by difficulty sustaining attention, frequent distraction, and challenges with organization and follow-through rather than the hyperactivity most people associate with ADHD. Often goes undiagnosed longer, particularly in adults who have built workarounds without realizing it.
The Four P's Afdhel's personal framework and accomodation for operating with an ADHD brain. Purpose (who you are and where you're going), Priorities (deciding what actually matters right now), Process (building systems so your brain only does the parts it's built for), and People (surrounding yourself with those who complement what you can't do alone). Learn more at afdhelaziz.com.
Dave Flink Founder of the Neurodiversity Alliance, a nonprofit supporting neurodiverse students in high schools and colleges. His equation from this episode: Accommodations + Community = Self-Esteem
Metacognition Thinking about your own thinking. In this episode it shows up as Afdhel's growing ability to observe his own thought patterns as they're happening and redirect before going down a rabbit hole.
Saint Royale Afdhel's music project. He wrote, produced, and performed an entire album in his home studio in LA, available on Spotify.
Good is the New Cool Afdhel's creative studio and book series built around purpose-driven storytelling. His most recent book, Good is the New Cool: Guide to Personal Purpose, explores how to find and build a life around your purpose. Find it here.
Afdhel's Forbes Article Before this conversation happened, Afdhel wrote about Something Shiny: ADHD!. Read it here.-------
đŹ What's something that finally made sense about yourself after your diagnosis, or after hearing someone else's story? Tell us in the comments.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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If you have ADHD, chances are "just believe in yourself" has never quite landed. Not because you're broken, but because traditional self-esteem advice wasn't built for a brain like yours.
In this episode, David offers a reframe that actually makes sense for neurodivergent minds: self-esteem isn't about confidence or positivity. It's about something more fundamental â the belief that you will survive what happens next. That one shift changes how you start things, why waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck, and why you can feel completely competent in one area of your life and utterly lost in another.
Isabelle works through it live â and it gets uncomfortably specific. The kind of specific that might stop you mid-listen and make you go: oh. that's me.
Why "believe in yourself" feels abstract or impossible for ADHD and neurodivergent brains â and why that's not on youThe difference between self-esteem and self-efficacy, and which one actually gets you movingWhy your confidence can feel solid one day and completely gone by 4pmHow ADHD variability makes traditional self-esteem advice quietly set you up to failWhy doing something imperfectly still builds more trust in yourself than waiting until you're readyWhy outsourcing might actually be a self-esteem strategy â and when it isn't
In this episode:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Albert Bandura â The psychologist behind self-efficacy theory. Shifted the conversation from "feeling good about yourself" to something more specific: your belief that you can handle a particular situation. David respectfully disagrees with part of his model. In the best way.
Self-efficacy â Your belief that you can act and influence an outcome. The key thing: it's built through experience, not feelings. You don't have to feel ready to start building it.
Self-esteem (reframed) â Traditionally, how you feel about yourself. David's version: the belief that you'll survive the outcome â even when things go sideways. That shift makes it possible to act without needing confidence first.
VAST (Variable Attentional Stimulation Seeking Trait) â From ADHD 2.0 by Hallowell & Ratey. A reframe of ADHD as variability of attention rather than a deficit. Your ability to focus, engage, and follow through shifts depending on context, stimulation, and internal state. Sound familiar?
Norepinephrine â A neurotransmitter tied to attention and alertness. More involved in your moment-to-moment sense of I can do this than most people realize.
Metacognition â Thinking about your own thinking. Useful for understanding your patterns. Also a reliable path to an overthinking spiral at 11pm. Both things are true.
Self-perpetuating feedback loop â When thoughts, feelings, and behaviors keep reinforcing each other. Not acting builds doubt. Acting â even imperfectly â starts building something else instead.
Neophobic â The very human tendency to resist new things. Especially loud when there's no precedent and the stakes feel like they have no bottom.-------
đŹ What's something you know you're good at â but still can't quite say out loud without adding a disclaimer? Tell us in the comments.đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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This week, David and Isabelle continue their conversation with Avari Brocker â Neurodiversity Alliance student advocate and founder of LearningCurb.org. Avari talks about what it felt like to go from being on her own little island to being surrounded by other neurodivergent people, and realizing (maybe for the first time) that it was actually safe to be fully herself. The group also gets into the difference between being around people who tolerate you vs. being around people who just get it.
If youâve ever felt exhausted from constantly managing yourself around other people or if youâve ever needed a reminder that belonging is not extra, itâs foundational⊠this oneâs for you!
Why being around like-minded neurodivergent people can feel like coming homeA clear breakdown of what high masking feels like from the insideWhy shared experience can make it easier to stop overexplaining and start relaxingHow community can help you stand up for yourself in ways you might not otherwiseThe story behind Learning Curb and why its whole mission is rooted in accessA reminder that the things you needed most can become the very things you build for someone else
Here's what's coming your way:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Neurodiversity Alliance: An organization that supports neurodivergent young people through leadership, mentorship, and advocacy. In this conversation, itâs also the community space where David and Isabelle first connected with Avari. Learn more at TheNDAlliance.org.
Dyslexia: A learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and language processing. In this conversation, Avari talks about how meaningful it was when other dyslexic people heard her speak not just about the hard parts, but the good parts too.
Dysgraphia: A learning disability that affects writing. Here, itâs part of the group of neurodivergent experiences Avari has already been advocating around and building resources for.
The âcurb cutâ effect: The idea behind Learning Curbâs name. Curb cuts were added to sidewalks after the Americans with Disabilities Act to support wheelchair users, but they ended up helping lots of other people too â parents with strollers, skateboarders, cyclists, and delivery workers. Avari uses that as a model for education: when you lower the barrier to access for the most vulnerable people, everybody benefits.
High masking: Constantly adjusting your behavior, communication, or presentation so you seem more acceptable, understandable, or ânormalâ to other people. Avari describes doing this in neurotypical spaces and contrasts it with the relief of not needing to do it so much in neurodivergent community.
Neurospicy: A playful community term some neurodivergent people use for themselves. Isabelle uses it here while talking about the way neurospicy conversations can go from breadcrumb-level sharing to a full French dip hoagie in about two seconds.
Narrative Reasoning: Avariâs phrase for the way her brain explains things through story, analogy, and comparison that other people can understand.
Neurotypical: People whose brains work in ways that are more socially expected or normalized. In this conversation, Avari contrasts neurotypical spaces with neurodivergent ones, especially in terms of masking, safety, and how much self-management is required.
Love bombing: A phrase Avari uses jokingly while talking about how quickly people bonded at the Neurodiversity Alliance. In context, sheâs naming the relief of being able to connect intensely without immediately worrying that itâs âtoo much.â
âEnglish is just three languages in a trench coatâ: Avariâs explanation for why English spelling is chaos, and Isabelle immediately clocks it as the best saying ever!
Night Witches: The nickname given by German soldiers during World War II to the Soviet Unionâs all-female 588th Night Bomber Regiment, known for flying dangerous nighttime bombing missions against Nazi forces. Isabelle brings them up as an example of the kind of fully formed special-interest tangent that can come pouring out once someone takes the bait in a neurodivergent conversation.-------
đŹ Have you ever found a space where you realized you didnât have to mask so hard? Drop your story in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much. -
This week, David and Isabelle sit down with Avari Brocker â Neurodiversity Alliance student advocate and founder of Learning Curb â for a conversation about something so many neurodivergent people carry quietly for years: knowing youâre different, only seeing your deficits, and not having language for why life feels so much harder than it seems to for everyone else.
Avari shares what it was like to be diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia at 16 after struggling for most of her life, and why the worst thing she thought she might hear was that something wasn't actually wrong. David and Isabelle unpack why that fear lands so deeply, especially for high-achieving, high-masking kids who get told theyâre just too anxious or âyou'll be fineâ while theyâre privately drowning.
Avari also shares how that late diagnosis lit a fire under LearningCurb.org, the resource hub she built so other neurodivergent kids and families donât have to spend a year desperately searching for answers while theyâre still in the middle of struggling.
If youâve ever thought, âI know somethingâs different, but I donât know whatâ⊠if youâve ever worried that a label would make things worse⊠or if youâve ever needed someone to say thereâs a reason this has felt this hard, this oneâs for you.
Why the label you fear can sometimes be the thing that finally brings reliefA powerful breakdown of what it means to grow up seeing only your deficits and not your strengthsWhy high-masking, high-achieving kids can get missed for yearsHow research, self-understanding, and advocacy can change the trajectory of someoneâs lifeWhat Avari built after diagnosis â and why it matters for neurodivergent kids and families now
Here's what's coming your way:-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Neurodiversity Alliance: An organization that supports neurodivergent young people through leadership, mentorship, and advocacy. In this conversation, itâs also the community space where David and Isabelle first connected with Avari. Learn more at TheNDAlliance.org.
Dyslexia: A learning disability that affects reading, spelling, and language processing. In this episode, Avari talks about finally having language for why reading and spelling had felt so hard for so long.
Dysgraphia: A learning disability that affects writing. It can show up in handwriting, spelling, and getting thoughts onto the page. Avari references how physically hard writing tasks could be for her.
LearningCurb.org: Avariâs resource hub for neurodivergent kids and families. She created it to give people one place to find tools, support, and information for different neurodiverse needs.
Interconnected Thinking: Avariâs phrase for the way her brain naturally links ideas, experiences, and patterns together. She talks about this as one of her neurodivergent strengths.
Hyperfocus: A common ADHD experience where attention gets locked onto something intensely. Avari mentions that she used to assume everyone experienced hyperfocus the way she did.
Eye Diagnosis for Slow Tracking: A diagnosis related to how the eyes track across a page or visual field. In Avariâs case, that diagnosis helped her access extra time on tests before she later received her ADHD and dyslexia diagnoses.
Trauma Mastery: A phrase Isabelle uses to describe the way people sometimes make meaning out of painful experiences by using what they learned to protect or help others.-------
đŹ Have you ever gotten an answer or label that finally made your life make more sense? Drop your story in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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This week, David and Isabelle unpack why moving can hit neurodivergent brains so much harder than people realize. Yes, thereâs the obvious stress of boxes, clutter, visual chaos, and trying to remember where literally anything is. But underneath that, they get into the deeper part too: what happens when your routines disappear, your environment stops making sense, and even the tiniest automatic actions suddenly donât exist anymore.
Because this episode is really about more than moving. Itâs about that awful, disorienting in-between where something is objectively good⊠and your nervous system is still like, âAbsolutely not.â David breaks down why change itself can land as painful, why losing patterns can feel like losing your footing, and why so many neurospicy folks get slammed by overwhelm before the new environment has had a chance to make sense yet.
And instead of just naming the problem, they get to what actually can help. The conversation gets into why your brain may need to physically build new patterns before anything feels manageable again, why body doubling can interrupt the buffering, why visual overwhelm matters more than people think, and how different neurospicy brains need totally different systems in order to function.
If youâve ever been excited about a change and still felt totally wrecked by it. Or, if youâve ever looked around and thought, âWhy does this feel so hard when this is supposed to be good?â this one will probably hit home.
Here's what's coming your way:
Why âgood changeâ can still feel painful, disorienting, and weirdly grief-y for ADHD and AuDHD brainsA really helpful breakdown of how routines, environment, and repeated actions quietly hold daily life togetherLanguage for the specific kind of overwhelm that happens when nothing feels automatic anymoreWhy unpacking can create instant buffering, shutdown, and decision fatigueHow body doubling, music, and visual clarity can help interrupt overwhelm and make starting easierWhy different brains need wildly different organization systems--and why that doesnât mean anyone is doing it wrong-------
Wait, Whatâs That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Bobby: Isabelleâs husband.Sarah: A partner in Davidâs practice. David brings up a conversation with Sarah while wondering out loud whether change can actually register as pain in the brain.
Robin: Davidâs partner, who comes up while heâs describing the home setup that helps his own brain keep track of where things are.
Clutterbug YouTube: The decluttering channel Isabelle shouts out because those videos have basically become her fake body-doubling companions while unpacking. https://www.youtube.com/@Clutterbug
Body Doubling: A support strategy where doing a task gets easier because someone else is there with you â even virtually. Isabelle talks about using decluttering videos that way during the move.
Object Permanence: The very real neurospicy experience of something effectively disappearing once itâs boxed up, put away, or moved out of its usual place.
Externalized Memory: Davidâs phrase for needing to physically put something somewhere yourself in order to actually remember where it is later.
Procedural Memory: Isabelleâs way of describing how much she relies on repeated physical action â reach here, plug this in there, turn this direction â instead of remembering things abstractly.
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đŹ Has a âgood changeâ ever completely overwhelmed your brain at first? Drop your story in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you â you were never too much.
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Ever needed extra time, extra support, or a different way of doing something and immediately thought, âWait⊠is this cheating?â
Yeah. That feeling is way more common than you think.
This week, David and Isabelle are back on stage at the Neurodiversity Alliance Leadership Summit in Denver for the second part of their live conversation with Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance. Jesse has been part of this community for years as a mentor, leader, and now the person helping guide the organization forward. The Leadership Summit is where Neurodiversity Alliance mentors and student leaders from across the country gather for training, storytelling, and connection. Itâs a room full of neurodivergent students learning how to talk about their brains with confidenceâand how to help younger kids do the same.
In this part of the live conversation, Safia Mohammed, a Brooklyn-based nursing student and Neurodiversity Alliance Student Ambassador whoâs been part of the community for several years, joins the conversation. She shares her story about something a lot of neurodivergent people wrestle with: the uncomfortable feeling that needing support somehow means you're doing something wrong.Safia talks about her experience first received an IEP (Individualized Education Program) in elementary school. At the time, it felt confusing. She was being pulled out of class for extra help and didnât really understand why. And like a lot of neurodivergent kids, she started wondering something was wrong with her. David and Isabelle unpack why moments like that are so common in the neurodivergent experience, from the stigma around accommodations to the deeply ingrained belief that success only counts if itâs hard.
If youâve ever hesitated to ask for help because you didnât want to feel like you were getting an advantage, this conversation might shift how you think about support and what itâs actually there to do.Here's what's coming your way:
Safiaâs story of receiving an IEP and why it felt confusing when she was youngerThe moment that changed how she understood accommodationsWhy so many neurodivergent people feel shame around getting supportHow stigma around accommodations keeps people from advocating for what they need-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
IEP (Individualized Education Program): A formal education plan used in U.S. schools to provide accommodations and support for students with learning differences or disabilities. These supports can include extra time on tests, alternative learning environments, or additional instructional support designed to help students demonstrate what they actually know.
Accommodations: Adjustments made in school or work environments that allow people with learning differences or disabilities to access the same opportunities as others. Examples include extended time on exams, quieter testing environments, or different ways of presenting information.Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): An organization where neurodivergent young adults and teens mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects and advocacy work. The rebrand reflects what they actually do: build an alliance of humans across the neurodivergent spectrum who know how to tell their full stories, vulnerabilities and superpowers included.
OI: A term used by members of the Neurodiversity Alliance community to refer to the organizationâs annual leadership summit where mentors and student leaders gather for training and connection.
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đŹ Have you ever had a moment where getting support changed how you saw your abilities? Tell us your story in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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Ever walked into a room full of neurodivergent people and thought, "Oh no, what if I'm NOT actually ADHD? What if I don't belong here either?" Yeah. That's a thing. And it's weirdly universal.
This week, David and Isabelle are taking you inside the Neurodiversity Alliance Leadership Summit in Denver for a special live recording with Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye). If Jesse's name sounds familiar, that's because he joined us recently to talk about mentorship and the intersectionality of neurodivergence with race, class, and systemic barriers. This time, we're bringing you the live conversation that started it all!
The Neurodiversity Alliance brings together neurodivergent young adults and teens who mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects, advocacy, and identity work. The ND Alliance Leadership Summit is where their mentors and leaders gather for training, and David and Isabelle got to do a live podcast on stage in front of the whole group.
What "finding your people" actually means when you have ADHD is more than just support. It's about finally stopping the cycle of feeling like a broken, defective version of a person and starting to feel like you belong. Jesse talks about showing up to his first summit 15 years ago "ADHD curious," terrified he wouldn't get the diagnosis and therefore wouldn't get to be part of this incredible community. Isabelle tears up remembering the moment David brought her to her first ND Alliance event and she realized, "Oh. OH. This is me." And David reflects on two decades of watching this organization do something he's never seen anywhere else: teach neurodivergent kids that being different doesn't mean being deficient.
This isn't a "yay, you found support!" episode. This is about finding your SHAPE (your superpowers, your heart, your abilities, your personality, your experiences) and realizing your worth has absolutely nothing to do with how much money you make or how well you perform. It's about walking into a room where you don't have to mask, where everyone's fidgeting, and where "wait, you do that too?" is the most healing sentence in the English language.
If you've ever felt inadequate, like you're failing at being a person, or like you don't quite fit anywhere, grab tissues. This one's for you.
Here's what's coming your way:
Jesse's journey from "ADHD curious" to diagnosed adult to president of the organization that changed his lifeWhy the fear of NOT being neurodivergent enough to belong is just as real as the fear of having ADHDThe moment Isabelle realized she had ADHD and David said "welcome to the community" (she's still not over it)What "finding your SHAPE" actually means and why it's the key to career alignment and callingWhy neurodiversity creates connection across race, class, and identity in ways other affinity spaces sometimes struggle withWhat Jesse would tell his 10-year-old self (spoiler: "You are worthy and loved beyond measure, and no one can take that from you")How the Neurodiversity Alliance is literally changing education by teaching kids to talk about their brains with mastery instead of shame-------
Wait, What's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): An organization where neurodivergent young adults and teens mentor younger neurodivergent kids through art projects and advocacy work. The rebrand reflects what they actually do: build an alliance of humans across the neurodivergent spectrum who know how to tell their full stories, vulnerabilities and superpowers included.
"ADHD Curious": Jesse's term for showing up to his first summit without a formal diagnosis but knowing something was going on. He was literally exploring his own brain to figure out if neurodivergence explained his life.
Masking: Hiding or suppressing your natural neurodivergent behaviors to fit neurotypical expectations. Isabelle talks about being hyper-aware she's masking on stage but also being able to fidget and move in ways that feel freeing instead of shameful.
The "SHAPE" Framework: An acrostic Jesse uses for career alignment
S = Superpowers (what you're naturally great at)H = Heart (what motivates you)A = Abilities (what you can actually do)P = Personality (how you show up in the world)E = Experiences (what you bring from your journey)Job vs. Career vs. Calling: Jesse breaks it down: a job pays the bills, a career is something you're invested in growing long-term, and a calling is something bigger than you (something you feel pulled toward whether you like it or not).
Metacognitive Skills: The ability to think about your own thinking (understanding how your brain works, what you need, and how you learn best). The ND Alliance teaches kids to get really good at talking about their learning styles instead of hiding them.
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đŹ Have you had a "finding your people" moment? Drop your story in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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Ever wonder why seeing another neurodivergent person succeed can literally change your life? This week, David and Isabelle bring you the second half of their conversation with Jesse Sanchez, Executive Director of the Neurodiversity Alliance, and it goes deep. They're talking about the kind of mentorship that doesn't happen in an officeâit happens in moments of "wait, you do that too?" They also get brutally honest about why neurodivergence isn't just a rich kid's diagnosis, it's an intergenerational survival story that intersects with race, class, incarceration, and educational access in ways we desperately need to talk about.
Missed Part 1 of this conversation? Catch up here.
Jesse shares his own story: growing up with a single mom who left home at nine, a father in federal prison, navigating the world as a first-gen, low-income, multiracial kidâand how none of the incredible educational access programs he benefited from ever addressed the neurodivergent piece. David drops the "glasses metaphor" that'll make you rethink everything. And Isabelle connects the dots between pulling all-nighters, calling it a moral failing, and why our school system was literally designed to create worker bees during the Industrial Revolution (spoiler: neurodivergent brains were never meant to fit that mold).
If you've ever felt like an imposter for doing things differently, this episode is your permission slip to stop hiding!
Here's what's coming your way:
Why real mentorship is exposure to a reality you didn't know existedânot instructions on how to succeedHow seeing a successful neurodivergent person changes the way you view yourself (and why that matters more than any advice)The intersectionality we're not talking about: neurodivergence, unemployment, incarceration, economic insecurity, and social justiceJesse's powerful story of intergenerational neurodivergence and why he's bringing neuro-inclusive practices to NYC public schoolsWhy your all-nighters aren't a character flawâthey're an accommodation (and how that reframe changes everything)The glasses metaphor: imagine never getting glasses until your 30s. That's undiagnosed ADHD.What Jesse would tell his 5-year-old self entering the school system (grab tissues for this one)-------
WaitâWhat's That? Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Mentorship (the real kind): Not lectures about successâit's living life together and taking the behaviors you like while leaving the rest. It's "try my biscuits and gravy" energy. Exposing someone to a reality they didn't have before.
Normalization: Making something feel normal by seeing it modeled by others. When you see another neurodivergent person succeed while doing things differently, it normalizes your own approach and reduces shame.
Moral Failing: The story undiagnosed neurodivergent people tell themselves: "I pull all-nighters because I'm lazy/broken/bad"âinstead of recognizing it as an accommodation for how your brain works.
Accommodation: A strategy that helps you work with your brain instead of against it. Pulling an all-nighter isn't cheatingâit's an accommodation. Just like glasses.
Intergenerational Neurodivergence: ADHD and other neurodivergent traits often run in families. Jesse talks about his mom's undiagnosed ADHD and how neurodivergence intersects with intergenerational trauma and survival.
Intersectionality: How different identities (race, class, neurodivergence) overlap and create unique experiences. Jesse emphasizes how neurodivergence intersects with being low-income, first-gen, Latinoâand how that's overlooked in social justice work.
Social Capital: The networks and resources you access through community. The neurodivergent community shares social capitalâconnecting first-gen students with Ivy League students, leveling the playing field.
The School System's Origins: Our current education system was designed during the Industrial Revolution to create efficient worker bees for factories. Everything from the bells to the desks to the subjects was built for output and performanceânot for neurodivergent brains. Learn more about the factory model of education: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Factory_model_school
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đŹ What would you say to your younger self entering the school system? Jesse's answer brought Isabelle and David to tears. Drop yours in the comments on Spotify.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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Ever notice how ADHD makes you crave chaos...until the chaos actually arrives and your brain completely shorts out? This week, co-host Isabelle Richards is living that paradox in real time. We're dropping this episode on Friday instead of our usual every-other-Wednesday schedule because Nashville is currently frozen solid and Isabelle is flying solo, recording from her phone in her kids' bedroom during a 6-day power outage and ice storm. She gets brutally honest about the ADHD crisis cycle: the superhuman first 48 hours, the inevitable crash that follows, and whyâeven after all the work, all the podcasting, all the self-compassion practiceâher first instinct is still to absolutely destroy herself on the inside.
If you've ever felt like a superhero one day and a deflated balloon the next, this one's for you. Isabelle shares the reframe that changed everything: what if your scattered brain isn't brokenâit's actually trying to protect you? And here's the twist: the thing that pulled her out of the spiral was recording this very episode. Sometimes serving others is how we save ourselves.
Here's what's coming your way:
Why ADHD brains can be superhuman in the first 24-48 hours of chaos (and why the crash is inevitable)What happens to your inner critic when you lose your feedback loopsâand why it gets so viciousHow to recognize when your brain is begging you to stop asking it to do too much (before you completely crash)Why hating routine while desperately needing it is the most brutal ADHD paradoxThe one tiny shift that can pull you out of the spiral when everything feels impossible-------
WaitâWhat's That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode explained:
Here are some of the terms and people mentioned in this episode explained:
Neurospicy: ADHD/neurodivergent community slang for having a brain that works differently. A playful, lighter way to say neurodivergentâbecause sometimes you need to be able to laugh at your beautiful, chaotic brain.
Break in Routine: When your daily structure gets disrupted and suddenly you realize you were using that routine to survive all along. For ADHD brains, losing structure can be destabilizing even when you thought you hated having it in the first place.
Paradox: The ADHD experience of hating routine while absolutely needing it to function. You resist structure until it's gone, and then everything falls apartâwhich is exactly what makes it so brutal.
Feedback Loop: External validation or confirmation that helps you know you're on the right track. Without it, ADHD brains often default to the harshest possible self-judgmentâlike "you've made the worst decision" even when you probably made a fine decision.
Deflated Balloon: The crash that comes after days of crisis mode. The superhuman energy is gone, you can't finish sentences, and everything feels impossible. It's the inevitable comedown after running on pure adrenaline.
Mushy: When your brain feels foggy, slow, and unable to process normally. Not brokenâjust begging you to stop asking it to do too much. Sometimes mushy is your brain's way of protecting you.
Bobby: Isabelle's husband and co-producer of the podcast. When she mentions he suggested recording this episode, it's part of why you're hearing this raw, real-time account of ADHD in crisisâthe kind of messy, honest moment that might help you feel less alone in your own chaos.
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đŹ How does YOUR ADHD show up when chaos hits? Superhuman for 48 hours then can't finish a sentence? Let us know by leaving a comment on Spotify! We want to hear your crisis stories.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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Ever felt like you were doing everything "wrong" compared to everyone around you...like, thinking back to college, why did studying take you five environment changes and an all-nighter when your roommate just sat there and did it? If so, then this one's for you!
Jesse Sanchez, President of the Neurodiversity Alliance, joins hosts Isabelle Richards and David Kessler to talk about his journey from "wait, am I broken?" confusion in college to leading a national movement that's literally changing (and saving) lives through peer mentorship and community. And yes, we have the data to back that up.
Jesse gets incredibly real about what it was like to need accommodations for years without anyone explaining why, and how finding other neurodivergent people who just got it completely transformed the way he saw himself. They also get into what it actually looks like to unmask and take care of yourself in professional settingsâlike when Jesse collapsed on a couch between high-stakes donor meetings at the Neurodiversity Leadership Summit with Isabelle and David there. It was beautiful:) And why that kind of authentic nervous system regulation isn't weaknessâit's literally the accommodation your body needs.
Here's what's coming your way:
Jesse's origin story with the Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye) and why peer mentorship is so powerfulThe actual published research showing how mentorship protects neurodivergent middle schoolers from depression and boosts self-esteem (statistically significant, baby!)Why lying down with your feet up is one of the best nervous system hacksâand the full parasympathetic nerd-out on why it worksHow finding your people can fundamentally shift your identity from "I'm broken" to "I'm just wired differentâand that's actually amazing"Go to TheNDAlliance.org to explore student chapters, scholarships, paid internships, and leadership opportunities for neurodivergent students across the U.S.
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WaitâWhat's That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode explained:
Neurodiversity Alliance (formerly Eye to Eye): A national student-led organization creating clubs on middle school, high school, and college campuses where neurodivergent students mentor younger students, build community, and flex their leadership skills.
Neurodiversity Leadership Summit: An annual gathering where neurodivergent students, leaders, and advocates come together to learn, connect, and celebrate neurodiversity. This is where Jesse melted on the couch and we all fell a little more in love with authentic self-care.
Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest): The part of your nervous system that helps you calm down and recover after being activated. Isabelle breaks down how lying with your feet up literally forces blood back to your internal organs and tells your body "hey, no tiger here!"
Fight, Flight, or Freeze: Your body's automatic stress response that sends blood to your extremities so you can run or fight. When you're chronically activated (hello, masking all day), you need help switching back to rest mode.
Vagus Nerve: A major nerve running from your brain to your gut that plays a huge role in calming your nervous system. Certain positions (like lying down) stimulate it and help you regulate. Science is cool.
Disability Accommodations: Adjustments like extra time, quiet spaces, or flexible deadlines that level the playing field. Jesse talks about how reframing these from "crutch" to "right" was life-changing.
Positive Identity Development: A core focus of the Neurodiversity Alliance's workâhelping students integrate their neurodivergence into their identity in a way that feels empowering, not shameful.
Statistical Significance: Research-speak for "this didn't happen by accident." Jesse shares data showing mentored students had significantly lower depression and higher self-esteem compared to non-mentored students. The protective effect against depression? Huge.
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đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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If youâve ever tried to start something simpleâdoing the dishes, sending the email, getting out the doorâand still somehow couldnât make it happen, this episode is for you.
Russ Jones is back with Isabelle and David to go deeper into what actually works when ADHD makes even the smallest task feel impossible. You can go back and listen to part one of their conversation here.
Russ, ADHD wellness coach and creator of ADHD Big Brother, gets candid about his own patterns and toolsâand how even with all his knowledge and experience, he still gets stuck sometimes. But instead of spiraling into shame or "just try harder" mode, this episode is about finding your way back to momentum without beating yourself up.
How to use behavioral momentum to get moving againâby starting small and stacking tiny winsWhy body doubling isnât just helpfulâitâs a core support strategy (especially on the hard days)The exact self-check-in Russ uses to stay consistent without self-blameâand how you can try it too
Hereâs what's coming your way:David also unpacks why these tools work from a neuroscience perspective, Isabelle shares her own struggles with task initiation, and the group unpacks how perfectionism can sneak in and sabotage even our best intentions!
Want to try Russâs method? He shares a free downloadable guide called Ready, Set, Go! to help you start with the smallest possible step. You can get it by signing up for his newsletter at adhdbigbrother.com. You can also check out the ADHD Big Brother Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
--------WaitâWhatâs That? Here are some of the terms mentioned in this episode you might want a quick refresher on:
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): A structured approach that helps identify and reframe unhelpful thoughts and behaviors. Russ talks about using CBT to take shame out of the equation and break tasks down into achievable steps.
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): A therapy modality that encourages accepting uncomfortable thoughts without judgment and taking action based on values. David and Isabelle briefly reference it while discussing internal self-talk.
Behavioral Momentum: A strategy where doing one small task can help you build enough mental energy to do the next one. Key concept discussed by Russ when he shares how to stack tiny wins.
Body Doubling: A method where simply doing a task alongside someone else (virtually or in person) helps increase focus and follow-through. Russ talks about this as a game-changing tool for him and his community.
Compassionate Check-Ins: A self-inquiry tool Russ uses regularlyâquick moments to assess whatâs working and whatâs not, without self-judgment.
Russell Barkley: A prominent clinical psychologist known for his research on ADHD, mentioned by Isabelle while discussing the neurological underpinnings of executive dysfunction.
Coaching vs. Therapy: Russ clarifies that heâs a coach, not a therapistâhe works from lived experience and ADHD-specific tools to help people build structure and momentum.
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đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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You know what to do. Youâve made the list, downloaded the app, maybe even set a timer. But when itâs time to actually do the thing, your brain shuts down. And instead of momentum, you get a wall of shame.
In this episode of Something Shiny: ADHD, David and Isabelle are joined by Russ Jones, creator of ADHD Big Brother, wellness coach, and no-BS accountability pro. Russ brings a unique humor and honesty to one of the hardest parts of living with ADHDâknowing what to do but still not being able to do it.
This conversation dives into:
The motivation myth (and what actually helps ADHD brains move)Why âjust try harderâ never worksThe role of accountabilityâespecially when itâs designed for youHow shame becomes invisible architecture in your daily lifeThe shift that happens when someone believes in your ability to changeRuss isnât here to hand out hacksâheâs here to name whatâs real, whatâs hard, and what might help. Because sometimes the most useful tool is someone showing you that youâre not broken, youâve just been using the wrong blueprint.
Want more from Russ? Visit ADHDBigBrother.com and check out the ADHD Big Brother Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind youâyou were never too much.
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You know that moment when you're doing something hard, painful, or just plain exhausting, and a tiny voice whispers, "Why is this so hard for me?" You're not alone and in this episode we'll break down where that comes from and how to escape the shame spiral.
We're joined again by therapist Grace Gautier, a trans woman who works closely with trans and neurodivergent communities. Last week the group cracked open the shame so many of us carry about being âtoo muchâ or ânot enoughâ and began to see those traits not as flaws, but as survival strategies. If you havenât heard that one yet, listen here. Itâs a grounding prequel to this oneâespecially if youâve ever felt like you had to earn your way into belonging. This episode follows that path even deeper! Because once you name the systems that shaped you, the question becomes: now what?
It's a conversation about internalized ableism, pushing through pain to prove worth, and the quiet (and sometimes loud) practice of unmasking. Not everywhere. Not all at once. Just somewhere.
Together, they unpack:
Why we equate doing hard things with being good enoughHow ableism hides in everyday pressure and perfectionismWhat it looks like to stop chasing ease and start honoring honestyThe quiet power of choosing to show up as yourselfIf you've ever felt stuck over performing while quietly falling apart, this conversation might be a the paradigm shift you need.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD for more conversations that help you understand your ADHD and remind you, you were never too much.
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Thereâs a particular kind of tired that seeps past your musclesâit settles in your body memory. The kind that comes from years spent reshaping yourself around other peopleâs comfort. If youâve ever been told your joy was too big, your voice too loud, your questions too manyâthis conversation might feel like exhaling.
In this episode of Something Shiny: ADHD, therapist Grace Gautier joins Isabelle Richards and David Kessler for a deeply human conversation about what it means to hide your corners to stay connected. Grace, a trans woman who works closely with trans and neurodivergent communities, puts language to something so many of us have felt but couldnât name: carceral logicâthat cultural instinct to isolate or correct those who struggle, instead of shifting the environment to support them.
We talk about what happens when systems teach us to monitor ourselves before anyone else can. How masking gets confused for maturity. How survival strategies get mislabeled as flaws. And why returning to connectionânot perfectionâis the real work of healing.
We explore:
The overlap between neurodivergent and trans lived experiencesWhy we learn to tuck away the most beautiful, vital parts of ourselvesThe difference between being managed and being metHow community becomes the repairDavid brings in the metaphor of the uncarved blockâthis tender image of a version of you untouched by the sanding-down of social expectation. Grace recognizes herself immediately. She traces how her sensory overwhelm, emotional intensity, and clutter-as-memory werenât signs of dysfunctionâthey were adaptations. Signals. Ways of being.
Grace also shares the ache of her fatherâs deportation and the clarity that arrived when she was finally diagnosed with ADHD later in life. Suddenly, things made sense. She didnât need to try harderâshe needed support that didnât punish her nervous system.
By the end of this conversation, you'll realize the parts you were taught to hide were actually never flaws to fix, but rather truths you were carrying alone. What shifts when you stop mistaking survival for failure? What changes when you see your ADHD traits not as obstacles, but as signals? Maybe, for the first time, things make sense. And maybe that sense brings a kind of peace you didnât know you were allowed to feel.
đ§ Follow Something Shiny: ADHD wherever you get your podcasts for conversations that help you understand your ADHD and feel more at home in your brain.
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We gotta be able to handle hearing people talk about us, even when it's triggering and hard, because it can ultimately show us where the work is. And maybe you can be an expert on soething without having it yourself (like ADHD) but perhaps it requires a sense of curiosity, empathy, or some kind of introspection that recpognizes your lane, your scope, and your own biases? From anthropology and sociology to X-Men and who is Magneto and Charles Xavier, David and Isabelle meander through what it means to be an ally and also set up some solid recent hyperfixations.
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We gotta tolerate hearing people talking about what they think about us, including people who have lots of degrees and expertise, and also know that each person doesnât have the answers. Maybe it has to do with conversations that people have about us without us ADHDers? Then again there are journalists, who donât have expertise but who can report on the data they get. David names that there are good and bad journalists, and there is critical thinking. How much about peopleâs ADHD âexpertiseâ includes interpersonal work and understanding about attachment, relationships, your own identity. Like, if youâre an expert on ADHD and youâre not friends with people who have ADHD outside of your work (if you yourself donât have it)âsomething to look at? David names that as therapists, we have this debate about multicultural approachesâdo you need to have a white therapist to work with white clients, a Black therapist to work with Black therapists? You need to know your lane and your expertise. Davidâs own therapist is not an expert in ADHD. And neither is Isabelleâs. They know to ask us questions, can ask âhow does this relate to ADHD?â We might be the person with ADHD that helps them better understand that. Allies donât want to get rid of parts of you, they want to help parts of you. An ally is different than a researcher, Isabelle wants to name that you need to be enough of an ally to a topic and be curious. In undergrad, she studied anthropology and archaeology, and itâs a blend of super specific science and also lots of educated guessing. She remembers learning about participant observation in anthropology, that just by observing a culture or a group you are impacting the group. Itâs way more about noticing what your own biases are. Davidâs own background in sociology, the idea of intersectionality. David didnât really think about ADHD or neurodiversity as a culture until college. Heâs a big comic book fan and he loved the X-Men. Theyâre trying to hide their mutant powers to not be exploited by the government and the X-Men are trying to help these mutants and take them to saving. Charles Xavier and Magneto were portrayed to be iconic people. Magneto was Malcolm X while Charles Xavier was based on Martin Luther King, Jr. Itâs two different portrayals around protecting yourselfâdo you get violent and active or passive? Maybe the mutants are a great metaphor for neurodiversity as well as the civil rights warâif you have been marginalized you can have empathy toward other people who are marginalized. Itâs not so personal, people do things to us that they do to other marginalized groups. It can also signify that we have a culture. It would be if everyone says they have a pile of unfolded clothes that threaten your identity, your pile of mailâ-culturally both David and Isabelle are both connected to the plan that they didnât want to leave it there. When we connect about parts of our culture. Isabelle and David so appreciate this conversation. Isabelle names asynchronous processingâshe canât just off the cuff rattle off her ideas and also needs time to talk it out, externalize, and think about things beyond the initial moment or conversations. How important it is for us to keep having these conversations. Isabelle wonders if David is like Charles Xavier. He wishes he could be Charles Xavier. Isabelle might be Charles Xavier. Because maybe she loves or identifies with Patrick Stewart so much. So maybe David is Magnetoâin the comic books they were best friends, and he was like âtheyâll never learn, we need to protect our peopleâ whereas as the other is like âdonât give in to our aggressive urges.â David needs to shout out: Dungeon Crawler Carl. Not wearing any pants, the cat jumps out of his house trying to get the cat out of the tree, and Carl can then go on an 18 level dungeon crawl and can save the planet earth. The audio book is a treasure, David is a big fan of role playing games, he consumed all seven books in less than three weeks. Isabelle names why cats get stuck in trees, their claws go the other way so they get stuckâbut big cats can go backwards. Isabelle mentions an enneagram book that she really appreciates. She was hooked on Borders and loved it as a kid and would keep trying to have someone explain me to me, and one of those books was on the enneagram (which makes David feel like he went to the bathroom during learning fractions and never picked up on it). And she mispronounced it and would read the book at people. Because tell her sheâs neurospicy without telling her sheâs neurospicy.Stephanie Sarkis is an ADHD expert who also has ADHD
X-Men and more on Patrick Stewart
The American Psychological Association vote on 'homosexuality' being listed as a diagnosable mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) happened back in the LATE 80's (WHAAAATTTTT? yes).--there is a long history to depathologizing sexual identities, deeply impacted by tons of activism and advocacy. For more, you can see this NIH article on this history.
Dungeon Crawler Carl series
Cats getting stuck on trees because of claw shape -- fascinatingly, going down backwards is a skill some cats can learn. Also, here is this website: Catrescueguy.com. *(you're welcome)*
The amazing enneagram book Isabelle was trying to remember the title of -- The Unfiltered Enneagram by Elizabeth Orr
------Cover Art by: Sol VĂĄzquez
Technical Support by: Bobby Richards
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Is the 'overdiagnosing' of ADHD, autism, and other neurodevelopmental conditions a 'danger,' and to whom? Isabelle and David continue taking some common myths and misperceptions, questioning who and how we gatekeep 'neurodiversity' (including the idea that maybe there really is no 'neurotypical')--and how one group's fears that these labels harm us cannot negate the fear neurospicy folks have that they will be in trouble, or judged, or stigmatized for being who they are and unmasking. Also using the power of compassion and inviting more conversations, while not jumping to cancelling anyone--because everyone gets to fart in an elevator once or twice.
-----Isabelle is coming in hot. She continues to explore her reaction to a podcast episode she listened to recently, Armchair Expert with guest Suzanne OâSullivan on overdiagnosis, which went from covering seizure disorders to ADHD and autism, especially high-masking autism, real quick. She is so frustrated that a non-expert on ADHDâsomeone like OâSullivan, whose expertise is working with epilepsy and seizure disorders, has now spent so much time talking about ADHD and autism when that is not an area of expertise. David names that he thinks this is an important conversation to have, because we are validating the other perspectives. There is a medical model of disease sets us up to want to oppose or eradicate the âdisease;â where things like neurodevelopment conditions like ADHD and autism are not something to be âcuredâ or âfixed.â David makes the comparison, its like a bunch of people sitting and talking about going to Mexico when no one has ever been thereâcultural representation. For example, someone has mild amounts of anxiety throughout the day. They understand this anxiety as having ADHD. They use ADHD interventions to help them and they found a community, and it makes sense and they feel better, it works for them. And then someone comes up with a reason to say that person does not have ADHD, that this definition does not applyâwhy are we being so careful when it comes to gatekeeping diversity, including neurodiversity? This wonderful person that David met at a training, named Shay, asked: is there anyone that is neurotypical? We could think of the difference between traits and states. And then he thought about personal examples. He doesnât know if there is someone "neurotypical." Would it to be less shocking that people have different neurological needs or educational differences if we recognized that there may be no 'one' baseline or group to compare everything to? And how quickly we dismiss difference--like knowing that because David listened to books, the argument that what he did was not 'reading'--but we get back to actual question, which is...what was the task, and did it get done? Often, talking about the fantasy of how ADHD looks or how its supposed to be, it's more about other people. A lot of people with ADHD believe that if its easy for them, theyâre cheating. Because its supposed to be hard. Do most non-ADHD people think that way? The debates are now that anxiety, bipolar disorder, OCDâthese are neurological differencesâthey are also looking at causal factors to all these conditions that are not chosen. So is the only person who is ânormalâ the person who has no feelings, reactions, or responses? Someone who has no big responses to stimuli, someone who is antisocial? Isabelle does fall into the categorizing and black and white thinking, and how its a part of learning, to categorize and generalize. This is not dissimilar to how people talk about race, gender, and about culturally defined parts of experiences because we collectively make them a thingâmaybe its myth making and collective storytelling. There is a gravitational pull to the idea of being neurotypical or mentally âwellâ and then thereâs good and bad. Isabelle wonders where the compassion goes? David speaks upâthey have compassion. People are scared. People are scared and when weâre scared, we have a reflexive reactions. People have found safety or comfort in the label of ânormalâ or âneurotypical,â and they see difference as not good, and theyâre really trying to, in their mind, help people in their messaging. Terror management theory: when youâre scared, you find a group of people who are like you and you band together to be less scared. So, there are a chunk of people out there who are getting very specific about who is in or out of the group. David can have a lot of compassion for that fear, that fear about who gets to belong. But he also wants to speak to the neurodivergent person who is doing something you tell them will helpâand it hurts them? Itâs a real fear we carry. David uses the example of his momâbless her heart (see the Southern US use of this phrase on many levels below)âwho grew up being told the importance of having arch support in shoes, and so when David had flat feet, she had him use these insertsâDavid is not blaming his mom, she did the best she couldâlots of people are told not to touch things, donât go into the light. Every neurodivergent person has to have the fear âIâm doing this wrong, Iâm in trouble, Iâm doing something bad!â To little David: you know, you have flat feet, you have more stability around cornersâbut another voice would say âdonât tell anyone you have flat feet, itâs bad.â He has compassion for the fear people have that want everyone to be the same, to not stand out or be different, and there is also a fear that neurodivergent people sit with every day about whether or not theyâre allowed to act the way they act. Isabelle names that the podcasters were saying âoh, these diagnoses are an excuse to then act in ways that are socially awkward.â Ahem. Isabelle describes how this feels like when she describes her inner workings to someone in all the steps she takes when she sits down next to someone, wondering if this is the right physical distance, is she staring at their eyebrows too long, is she pausing appropriately, etc.âand when she unmasks and reveals this, the person considers it a compliment to say âI couldnât tell.â Itâs the idea that someone outside of you knows more about your experience than you do. The way that diagnoses connect to power and gatekeeping for services and Isabelle makes the point that those who are saying âover diagnosis is dangerousââto whom? On what planet are folks who are neurospicy getting enough of the supports and services and resources and access that they need? The system is already failing most of us. David names: this isnât cancer, this isnât people getting chemo erroneously. There is no danger in identification, itâs about getting our needs met. What do we do as a society to neglected people, and the more you know about your needs, the less of a danger being neglected becomes. This is a question of someone who knows a lot about things wandered over into another area and made bold statements without the expertise. Isabelle was extra miffed that she also dismissed the intersections of Autism, ADHD, POTS, hyper mobile Ehlers Danlos, and MCAS and ânonexistentâ âso damaging and harmful. These are real things, the interconnectedness of them is being actively researched, just because you are new to the party does not make something false or untrue. As David puts it, in the 70âs or 80âs, the APA took a vote to decide if being gay was good or bad, essentially (âdo we keep gayness as a disorder?â Yes folks, this was that recently. GAH.). Now imagine someone was asleep for ten years and missed that memo and is now walking around looking at pride flags wondering âwhy are there so many openly gay people?â And sure, take pot shots at neurodivergence, because...
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Are ADHD, autism and other neurodevelopmental disorders overdiagnosed? Is it all in our heads? Is self-diagnosis legit? Isabelle and David take some common stigmas and misperceptions to task and explore how labels and identities can help or hurt, how policing stigma when you're not a member of the group being stigmatized (or asking us what we need), and the huge weight our world puts on external, visible behaviors rather than internal pain, frustrations, and strengths.
-----Isabelle references a podcast episode she listened to recently, Armchair Expert with guest Suzanne OâSullivan on overdiagnosis. She brings up the idea of psychosomatic illness, and the example this epilepsy expert uses is that there are a certain percentage of cases of epilepsy that appear very different on brain scans, that appear to be psychologically caused (or psychosomatic). This is one of those confusing, stigmatized conceptsâIsabelle would originally think that this means âmade up.â But NO. What it means is that people are still experiencing the symptoms, are still suffering from symptoms of seizures, sometimes way worse than those who on EEGs, etc. appear to have âepilepsy.â It is the opposite of âin your head,â it is very real. The same goes for the placebo effect, which is that when they do studies on medications or treatments, they have people do something neutral or take a sugar pill or a pill with no active ingredients. A percentage of people in every case will see symptom improvement or a positive effect. This does not mean itâs made up, it means the mind is powerful and just because we donât know how something works doesnât mean it doesnât bring relief. And the same goes with nocebo, or the way things can have an adverse or ill effect, too. But now David and Isabelle get to the other idea this author has, about how ADHD and autism and other diagnoses are being âover diagnosed,â because, as the author states, autism used to mean something different than it does now, because now people later in life who are high masking are being diagnosed with itâand the cutoff points for diagnoses are being too muddled, and isnât it (as the author puts it), âawful that kids will be labelled with these self-fulfilling propheciesâ that will create limiting beliefs for them, isnât it causing harm, canât we meet kids needs without these labels? And more so, the cut off point should be âdisablement.â But wait a minute, isnât that pre-diabetes? But isnât it like the biggest predictor of heroin use is milk consumptionâŠbecause everyone who takes heroin used to drink milk. David wants to come at this. David wants more inclusive education, he doesnât want smaller and smaller classrooms, and what to have a very diverse set of people in the room. A diverse group of people learning at once. To answer why do we need to label them? Because every person has different needs, we need labels to tailor education to each person. The more standardized it becomes the more it becomes marginalized. Stay in your lane, let people within the culture manage the stigma around the culture. âCan you just include someone from these communities?â A bunch of people talking about us and deciding whatâs harming us without talking to us. Isabelle refers back to psychopharmacology and psychopathology classâyou gotta learn a ton about diagnostic criteria and learn how to categorize the experiences of people your seeing. Isabelleâs professor was a neuropsychologist and was very into accurate language. You can look at diagnoses from a couple of different anglesâwhy do we diagnosis? We need to have a standardized understanding of a group of experiences, so when we talk about it we all say âthis is the part that we mean.â There needs to be some kind of shared consensus around what ADHD means. Cut off points could be true for insurance purposes, political, and financial, and for research and understanding, and it also is not all encompassingâbut if you accurately sync a person up to a diagnosis, it gives them an understanding of a person that helps them. Everyone isnât self-diagnosing. Itâs the people who resonate with the experiences of those who are AuDHD or autistic or an ADHDer. David names that he loves the podcast (as does Isabelle, sheâs a big archerry) and that the people on this podcast are falling into something society does, not necessarily leading society there, which is validating external manifestations of pain rather than internal frustration. David leans on the work of Marcus Soutra, with the idea that perhaps instead of thinking of things as diagnoses, it's more of an identification. Weâre accurately identifying people. Isabelle further details that they mention that mental health diagnoses go up when mental health awareness is spread. To which she wondersâwhat about how psychoeducation and awareness allow for people to be more vulnerable and feel safe disclosing what's really going on, internally? The example that âdoesnât everyone have a little ADHDâ isâ-wrong. Nope, Not everyone. But maybe those who have untreated ADHD do? And with the example of Bill Gates identifying as autistic, and the author naming that she doesnât see him as having struggles or disability, again, a very external definitionâthey have no clue about what he has gone through or what it is like to go through life not fully understanding yourself without such an identity. Autism and ADHD is not necessarily a learning difference
Armchair Expert episode Isabelle is referencing
Suzanne O'Sullivan's book, The Age of Diagnosis
USEFUL DEFINITIONS
Psychosomatic - a word that literally means "mind" and "body" -- where stress or worry make a symptom or condition develop, get worse, or show up in the first place. While common usage means we often think this is saying "it's all in your head,"or that it's not real---it's saying the opposite: it's saying that the mind has such a powerful effect that it can cause real physical pain and suffering and that illnesses and all kinds of conditions can have many different causes. This does not mean what you're experiencing is not real, it means we now understand that stressors and emotions and our minds can connect to a number of health conditions. See here for more (Source: Cleveland Clinic).Placebo effect - the way a sugar pill or random remedy (used in clinical research trials for a medication, let's say, or a 'fake surgery' in surgical trials, where nothing is implanted or changed) produces symptom relief and improvement as if it were a real pill or real surgically-altering procedure. This means that the person experiences actual change, again, that is not explained by the treatment or pill being studied. We don't fully understand why this is, but we know it's there, and it likely has something to do with a person's expectations of whether something could help them. It has a big impact on research and neuroscience in general. See here for more (Source: NIH 2023)
Nocebo effect - opposite from placebo, where a person's negative expectations play out when given a sugar pill or 'sham' surgery and their symptoms get worse even thought they did not receive any medicine or treatment that would give them side effects. See here for more (Source: NIH 2012).
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cover art by: Sol VĂĄzquez
technical support by: Bobby Richards - Show more
