Episodes
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More on how "emotional learnings" are created and how they inform our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Also includes some discovery techniques that will allow us to uncover these schema so that we might update them in future, which will help resolve inner-conflict and mental or emotional suffering.
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This episode explores how our memories inform our beliefs and schema from the perspective of science. It includes aspects of memories and how we develop them as we mature from babyhood onwards, why it is difficult (but possible) to update our beliefs when they are downloaded at an early age, and the difference between "extinction" and "reconsolidation".
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What do we mean when we say emotional trauma, and why does it matter to us as adults?
A huge part of finding inner-peace is understanding where the inner disharmony comes from. Many of the beliefs we have about ourselves that create dissonance and suffering are learned via emotional trauma, especially during childhood years. This episode explores how this trauma shapes us, and introduces a pathway into healing. -
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Once we have built a foundation of self-worth, the other aspect of self-esteem is personal growth or "mastery". But is it really that important, and how do we find a sense of purpose?
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How can we start feeling good about ourselves? What's the difference between people with authentically high levels of self-esteem, narcissists and those with low levels of self-worth? How can we work towards feelings of self-compassion, respect and feelings of worthiness, regardless of our social status or bank balance?
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How do we fill the sense of emptiness when we have met our needs but still feel like there's something missing? Why do people get stuck on the hedonic treadmill, which keeps them unfulfilled? How can we reassess our lives and start moving towards self-realisation and inner peace?
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How can we let go of this tendency to berate ourselves for things we've done in the past? How can we forgive ourselves and others, so we can get on with living? How can we detach ourselves from the sticky default mode network, which is responsible for dominating our thoughts with "shoulda woulda coulda"?
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Are you afraid of being happy? As odd as that sounds, its true for many of us on a deep, implicit level. Uncovering why we might close ourselves to happiness can allow us to let it in.
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For those who love the neuroscience and biological aspect of mental health. A brief look into the murky world of biology and depression. If we can see depression as an adaptive response instead of a pathological state it allows us a window into healing.
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How do we protect ourselves from emotional contagion? How do we get the best out of human connection whether we're extroverts or introverts? Why do we need to let go of the distractions that keep us stuck in isolation, so we can spend more time connecting with ourselves and others?
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An introduction into the science of human connection. How did we get here? Why do we feel better when we have the support of people we care about? Why does it matter who we spend our time with?
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An introduction into autonomic nervous system and how to shift the balance from "fight/flight" to "rest/digest" by deliberately stimulating the vagus nerve.
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This episode starts by describing how we can begin to step into a toward state of mind by staying open and nurturing a sense of curiosity. It then explores the basic neuroscience of avoidance and the balance between order and chaos, so we can think about how we can break the habit. Next episode will focus on what we can do in a practical sense to get ourselves back into a proactive state. Taking action will allow us to disrupt the cycle of anxiety, appreciate feelings of excitement and rekindle a default seeking/reward response to the unknown.
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Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer states "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." This episode continues the theme of reducing stress and overwhelm by examining what we can do to help us to accept the inevitable, or to make headway into challenges we might feel are too overwhelming.
Acceptance and the ability to overcome procrastination are two vital tools which can help us reduce our levels of stress and avoidance. Once we've stabilised, we can come up for air and move into a compassionate, happy and proactive state of being. -
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Much of the time the biggest stressor of modern life is overwhelm, which triggers the threat circuitry for repression, or a lack of perceived control.
Slowing down, getting organised, freeing up time, losing distractions and reinstating order can reduce the feeling that your challenges are bigger than you. There is no rocket science here - but we all need a reminder to carry out good practice sometimes.
There is also an introduction into what I think may just be the most effective hack possible for prolonged contentment. A marriage of emotional duality and metta meditation.
Next time we can look at accepting what you can't control, as well as how to overcome procrastination - both of which will also assist us in putting a brake on this stress response. -
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13 worry hacks for a peaceful brain:
1. Use your focused/task based attentional networks instead. Worry is chiefly the result of the activation of the daydreaming default mode network (where we go when we are not practicing mindfulness or concentrating on a task). Using the task-based networks instead can give us a break. Do something that is useful or enjoyable and requires your full concentration. This will take the resources away from the DMN and give you some peace.
2. The biggy. Practice mindfulness. Learn how to do this and practice it as often as you can. Eventually, through continuous usage, your “core self” networks will balance the story-telling default mode network. You’ll become a master of staying present and vetoing the extrapolation of negative thoughts as they arise. It is more than worth it.
3. Realise and accept that worry simply doesn’t work. Think about how many times constantly trying to predict all outcomes has saved the day. I bet it’s not many. Worry isn’t worth the time, energy and peace of mind you sacrifice. You could actually be doing something useful or fun instead.
4. Bump the needle. Worry is normally a result of the inner narrative (words) making stories about the future. When you’re stuck in a rut of worry or rumination, slap yourself out of this mode by thinking in silly/cartoon pictures, or narrating your current reality.
5. Remember, worry is just a bunch of stories. They are NOT facts, and they VERY rarely come to pass as you foresee. Remind yourself they aren’t reality – you have a magnifying glass held up to a tiny part of a possible (and unlikely) existence. Stand back and appreciate how you are infinitely bigger, and more “real” than your worries.
6. Worrying is a parasite, which sucks the enjoyment out of life. What would you give to have all the moments you’ve missed through worry again? For example, being fully present and happy whilst playing with your kids instead of locked in your own mind and going through the motions. Life is too short. Choose happiness over the lie of “being prepared”.
7. Give the DMN a job. Unsurprisingly, there is a link between how creative you are and how much you worry. If the DMN is the master of storytelling, why not use it for something good? Write poems or songs or even a darn book. And don’t feel guilty about it. “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time”. Besides, you might just be the next Tolkien if you gave yourself the permission.
8. Focus on certainty. Worry and anxiety feed each other because they are basically the result of a threat response to ambiguity (the future). When we focus on a solid and comforting certainty, it can put a brake on this threat response. “Whatever happens, my mother will still love me” or “whatever happens, I will still have my graduation certificate”… whatever brings you peace.
9. Reverse worry. When we think about the future we generally think of things that could go wrong (thanks negativity bias!), but we can flip this if we make the effort. When you daydream, think of all the amazing things that could go right if you had the resolve to pursue them. Picture your book being a bestseller and what your life would be like, or what you’ll do with your first whopping paycheck, or how good it will feel when you’ve let go of all your insecurities. These daydreams are easier to step out of and put you in a positive, toward state of mind. You might just get what you want too.
10. Learn to trust yourself. This is a game changer. When you catch yourself trying to prep
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