Episodes
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Join Tom as he is interviewed by Robb Thompson of Lifestyle 360 Podcast. Tom has worn many hats throughout his career. As a young man, he soon became a successful entrepreneur with a proven track record in small business ventures in the greater New York area. Tom has also been a high profile leader in addiction and self-help therapy. He helped develop unique methods and procedures which have helped numerous institutions and individuals with anxiety and addiction issues.
In This Episode:
Why our society today is riddled with anxiety and depression How communication has this led to distorted values and cultivated an anxiety-ridden society What we can do to escape perfectionism and the feelings of sadness and inferiority How social media has played a part in contributing to this increasing problem What we can do as parents, mentors and leaders to help future generations combat the outside messages -
This podcast is not about criticizing anyone’s parents. Rather its important to build enough awareness to know which messages we received in our childhood that have helped us in our lives and recognize which messages need to be challenged in order to enhance our happiness. By building self- awareness we can then look at those upswept corners of our lives through clearer lenses. This, in turn, will help us identify and understand our strengths and weaknesses in all our relationships. Especially the most important relationship we have, which is the one we have with ourselves. As we learn to manage any and all intrusive messages in childhood we can then stop these messages from guiding our behaviors. This podcast will provide the tools needed to stay to do this as well supplying the ways to stay on track.
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The podcast will discuss the similarities and differences between sex addiction and other addictions. Through out all of my podcast, childhood messages will be discussed as the key ingredient towards healthy adulthood. In addiction, neurons that are fused together in childhood will stay together in adulthood, and acted out with various addictions. The podcast will explain the steps needed for the addict to heal and the reason why sex addiction, namely pornography, is and will continue to be the most powerful addiction we have today. This podcast will demonstrate how both addictions have similar underlying qualities, but also provide the difference in the healing process for sex addiction. Due to the stigma of sex addiction, both in and out of twelve step rooms, the shame and understanding of ‘triggers’ must be handled in a different manner than other addictions.
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We are not responsible for our childhood wounds but we are responsible to heal them or at least manage them if we are to find happiness in our lives.
The release of the documentary, Leaving Neverland, has triggered an important conversation regarding sexual abuse. Including Oprah Winfrey stating, “Stop staring into the sun and do what is necessary to heal our children and heal ourselves.” This documentary awakened feelings in my own journey in recovery. In this podcast I will not give an opinion on whether or not Michael Jackson did the things he is accused of. Rather, this podcast will discuss the steps I’ve taken and the ways I’ve helped others manage and heal their childhood traumas.
We are not responsible for our childhood wounds or abuses but we are responsible for healing or at least learning how to manage our wounds in order to find peace in our lives. It takes tremendous courage to look under those unswept corners of our lives, but unless we do we may be committing suicide by installments never allowing the love of others to enter into our world. I have a Masters Degree in Social Work and a best selling author but what you’ll hear in this podcast is the way I learned to manage my own demons, to finally find peace in my life, and to help others do the same.
Healing is an ongoing process of self-determination and self-discipline. While the rewards are not always immediate, beautiful gifts await if you are patient and can take direction. Not until we stop denying our own past and begin sharing our wounds, will we allow ourselves to be loved by other people.
The common problems we face are from unhealed childhood wounds that have remained buried and eventually come back to haunt us. Only when we permit the window into our past to be opened, exposing the core of our adult difficulties, can we begin the healing process.
Sometimes we act in ways that do not always make sense as we hurt ourselves and others. We feel compelled to listen to the destructive inner voice in our head. Making sense of our actions is like figuring out a jigsaw puzzle. The first step is to seek help in order to understand what is broken inside.
As we increase self-awareness we can better understand the choices we need to take to better our lives. If we maintain these actions we then develop healthy habits, which will bring healthy boundaries and intimacy into our lives. All of these ingredients need to become a WE process instead of a ME process. This means we need the help of others as we walk through this journey together.
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This podcast explains what a narcissist is and will answer the following questions. How is a narcissist different from someone with a lot of self-confidence? What is gas lighting and how and why does a narcissist gaslight those closest to them? Why do they do this to those they love? Do they really love them or is it all about manipulation? How does a codependent partner work well for a narcissist? What is the bill the partner pays, short term and long term, if they stay in a narcissistic relationship? How does a narcissist make you feel that you are the problem in the relationship? Why is it so important to create healthy boundaries, consequences, and support groups to survive or end a narcissistic relationship?
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In this podcast we will discuss the ways to get through a painful divorce or breakup. When should you start to date again? What does the grieving period feel like when you end a relationship? What did you learn from a failed relationship if you want your new one to last? Remember, if we don’t look at ourselves honestly we will find the same personality traits we chose before. The definition of insanity is, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. Building awareness, with the help of a trusting support group, can help you find the right person. Supportive people can help you see what you may not be able to see for yourself.
We will discuss the things you should and shouldn’t say to a friend who is going through a breakup. In this podcast we will also address some of the biggest mistakes parents can make when going through a divorce or breakup, regarding how they handle their children.
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This podcast discusses the creation of healthy boundaries in our lives. It will outline why creating boundaries may be difficult for some, how to create healthy boundaries, and the ways to stick to the boundaries we set. We will discuss boundaries in the work place, as well as with our significant other, friends, parents, and children. This podcast will also discuss internal boundaries, which are what we say or don’t say to others, as well as external boundaries, which is the way we protect our loved ones and ourselves. We will discuss why it is important to understand the difference between selfishness and self- care when setting boundaries. This difference can be confusing if you come from a childhood that didn’t model healthy boundaries between the caregivers in our own childhood. We will also discuss how to process uncomfortable feelings with others when boundaries are initially put into place.
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Campus bullying and Hazing has reached epidemic levels and is of major concern to Students, parents, and faculty. What are the key components concerning Hazing? How does supposedly innocent fun turn into devastating outcomes? What are the ingredients that create this scenario? We know that one ingredient is anger; all of us have some anger inside. Another ingredient seems to be alcohol since 90 percent of hazing accidents involve alcohol. If you put the first two ingredients together the result is a destructive entitlement. This is where the participants give themselves permission to act in ways regardless of the harm it causes themselves or others. We know we can pay a devastating price for hazing but what are the goals. What are the participants looking to get back from these actions and are they getting back what they expect.
The college student trusts that the group will not harm them moving blindly, ignoring their own values and beliefs because hazing is connected to traditions and no one questions traditions. They trust the leader will keep them safe, an assumption that can have devastating results. The student has no hazing experience so there is no reference as to the dangers ahead. They are told that the fraternity comes before the individual, a powerful and dangerous message.
We will also discuss bringing awareness to the student as to the PAYOFF as well as helping the student think about whether they are receiving what they thought they were getting. This podcast will discuss the creation of student support group to monitor and to help each other to take safer actions as well as reporting hazardous hazing. How can parents, faculty and police govern hazing actions so that there is less chance of disastrous results.
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Yes, chocolates are great, and so is jewelry, but the real thing women and men crave is intimacy. Unfortunately, many of us are so afraid of intimacy they we sabotage our happiness by subconsciously pushing our partners away. Not because we want to but because we don’t know how too. This podcast will discuss the ways we can give them emotional intimacy and at the same time find unexpected rewards in return. Help your partner in those areas in their life where they don’t expect help. The key is to do it without expecting anything in return. Although, it will very likely help you get lucky in the areas you desire.
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It’s difficult for some of to believe in a loving higher power whether we call this a higher calling , higher self, or God. We live in a world that has anger, resentment contempt so it’s easy to ask why would a loving high power allow this to happen. So much of our trust in a higher power can be attributed to the trust we learned to have or not have for others in our childhood, especially when religion was involved. In this podcast I will share my story and the story of others who have had this same struggle. I have clients who are religious yet their children act very defiant against their religion when they reach teens and adulthood. In this podcast we will discuss childhood messages , their impact on religion, and the difference between spirituality and religion.
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Men have grown up with childhood messages, society messages, and peer messages that dictate what it takes to be a healthy male. Courage is defined by being tough, not revealing your true feelings, handling problems without complaining. The secret is many men feel it is courageous to share their feelings, express their needs, but they are afraid to admit this because this goes against Traditional masculinity. In this podcast we will discuss the work I do in my male groups, the insights they’ve gained and why it is so important to discuss and process our feelings rather than act out our feelings with destructive entitlements.
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Through self- awareness and positive actions this podcast will provide the listener with tools to help them battle through their anxiety and depression on a day-to-day basis. We will then discuss the ways their loved ones can also help those they love gain victory over their fight against anxiety and depression. We all hurt when those we love suffer. Its important to understand which actions can help nurse those we love to health and which actions, even with the best of intentions, can actually fuel the problem.
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This podcast will discuss why we live in a society riddled with anxiety. Today’s youth have received confusing messages, which has led to distorted values and cultivated an anxiety-ridden society. Social media and advertisements are more powerful than ever in deciding the way our children should behave, dress, and act. Many individuals compare themselves to the filtered, “picture-perfect” photos that they see on social media, which can lead to feelings of sadness or inferiority. They have also consciously or subconsciously been enslaved by the number of likes or followers they have on Instagram and Facebook.
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This podcast discusses how childhood messages shape a person’s life. These messages lead people to play certain roles in adult life. The first step is to identify which role one plays in order to grow as a person. The ‘People Pleaser’ and ‘Caretaker’ role will be outlined in this podcast. The challenges associated with these roles, as well as ways to overcome these challenges will be discussed. Individuals who are people pleasers may find it difficult to say no to others because their inner voice says they’re bad people if they do. Additionally, people pleasers try to be nice under any circumstances. Letting go of the pain associated with saying no to loved ones can be difficult. Caretakers are similar to people pleasers. However, the ‘Caretaker’ feels a need to take care of everything, whether it pleases others or not. Caretakers find it difficult to let go of the feeling that if they aren’t in control, then something will go wrong. Ask yourself, are you playing a role you were set up to play? If so, ways to change this will be detailed in the podcast.
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This podcast will discuss the truth concerning co-dependency. Co-dependency can be debilitating and affect everyday choices. Thus, it is crucial to determine where it stems from by reflecting on one’s past. The person will gain a clearer understanding of what it is and how it affects aspects of their life. This podcast will then discuss ways one can combat it. By highlighting its origins, how it affects one’s life, and how to stop its power, one can eventually break the chains from living with co-dependency.
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This podcast will highlight what a person should learn from an unsuccessful relationship in order to achieve an enduring one in the future. It is important to take this opportunity to self-reflect and learn lessons from past behaviors and actions in order improve oneself. This podcast will outline what areas to self-reflect on in order to progress. It also highlights the importance of setting boundaries. This is a vital component of a relationship. Setting boundaries can be very difficult to do, but this podcast will discuss when and how to do this. Learning how to set boundaries will only benefit the person when he or she enters their next relationship.
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There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and conflict is inevitable. This podcast will discuss why attending counseling before a major disagreement occurs is very beneficial for a couple. It outlines how a third party can add clarity and serve as a guiding light in a relationship. The podcast will also discuss topics that a relationship expert should address in order to provide the couple with tools to use when conflict occurs. It will also offer strategies on how to communicate with your partner in a healthy way. It highlights key components of a relationship that should be addressed in order to prepare the couple on ways to effectively communicate when a disagreement occurs.
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Sometimes a relationship needs a devastation to create a miracle. Some relationships were never meant to be so ending the relationship is the only solution. In most instances, the relationship was destined to fail due to fears of intimacy, poor communication techniques, lack of boundaries , all created by childhood messages which are acted out in destructive ways in adulthood. When there is betrayal in a relationship, it takes a great deal of work to build back trust with the partner. It takes two kind of willingness by both partners. The willingness to get help, followed by the willingness to take direction. Before anything else happens, the infidelity must stop. If this occurs, with the proper guidance, the couple will come to realize the infidelity was not the problem but the symptom created by a destructive relational schema. These schemas must be addressed and changed for true intimacy to occur.
The positive piece in working thru the pain of betrayal and infidelity is that many times the couple finds greater intimacy then they ever thought possible. This work takes open-mindedness and courage. If they are willing to do the work, the rewards will be well worth it. Join me in this podcast to discuss this healing process.
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Cheating comes in different shapes and sizes—from emotional affairs to adultery. And now, more and more instances of inappropriate online relationships are surfacing. Digital infidelity is when we use digital products, computers, phones, wristwatches or televisions where we are viewing, listening or writing about sexual innuendo that should only be shared with our significant other. It is betrayal, only its betrayal using digital products. This comes in the form of pornography, sexting, texting, chat rooms etc. Usually, they are kept secret from our significant other and shameful in nature. This podcast will discuss .How can you tell if Your Partner is doing It? What are some examples/signs to pay attention to?
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Relationships will work if you both work them. If the conversations your having isn’t bringing you the results you desire, then change the conversation. Do you want to seat in the victim seat, which can be comfortable, yet unhealthy ,while doing the blame game. Instead, jump into the responsibility seat, which can be risky, challenging, but healthy. One of the secrets to enhancing your relationship may be having uncomfortable conversations. If we wait until we feel like having these conversations, then we may never have them. Listen to this podcast to learn how codependency, trying to control the conversation, and trying to only be right all the time will only sabotage the emotional intimacy you crave. Learn why we avoid uncomfortable conversations. As well as developing techniques that can allow your feelings to be validated as well as acknowledging your partners feelings as well.
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