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Unnuclear is brought to you by co-parents Lou Keck and Shae Bolton-Brown. In this week's episode we welcome Dr James Van Cuylenberg.
How much of who we become is shaped by the way we were raised?
In this episode, we're joined by psychologist James Van Cuylenberg to explore the experiences that shape us from childhood through to adulthood. From why love and safety matter more than almost anything else, to navigating different rules across households, parental preferences, boundaries, and the moments that leave a lasting mark, this conversation is full of practical insights for parents, carers, and anyone curious about why we are the way we are.
Whether you're raising children, healing parts of your own childhood, or simply trying to show up a little better for the young people in your life, this episode offers plenty to think about.
About James: Dr James van Cuylenburg is an APHRA endorsed Doctor of Clinical Psychology with over 15 years of experience in the assessment, diagnosis and treatment of Mental Health issues for clients of all ages.
James is the Principal Psychologist at Engage 1on1 Psychology, and also hosts his own podcast Youâre A Good Kid, with his brother Nick.
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Unnuclear is brought to you by co-parents Lou Keck and Shae Bolton-Brown. In this week's episode, we welcome our first guest: Christie Wilson.
Christie is raising two children with her wife, alongside a known sperm donor who is a close family friend and active presence in their kidsâ lives. She also grew up in a blended family herself - giving her a unique perspective on what family can look like.
In this episode, we talk about the stories we inherit about family, unpack the phrase âblood is thicker than water,â and gently interrogate some of our own deep-seated unconscious biases about the ârightâ way to raise a family.
Itâs a thoughtful, honest conversation about modern family life and why love, care and connection donât always fit neatly into traditional boxes.
Show notes:
- Lou mentions 'The Mother Instinct' - a retreat she's launching for pregnant people & those in the thick of post-partum. You can find out more here: https://events.humanitix.com/the-mother-instinct
Resources
Talking about families, relationships and co-parenting can bring up different things for different people.
If this episode has brought anything up for you, please know you donât have to navigate that alone. There are support services available:
Lifeline - 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.auBeyond Blue - 1300 22 4636 or beyondblue.org.auQLIFE - 1800 184 527 for peer support and referral specifically for LGBTIQ+ people, available every day from 3pm to midnight1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 or 1800respect.org.au.au (for support around family or domestic violence)Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged 5â25)If youâre in immediate danger or need urgent support, please call 000.
And as always, we encourage you to reach out to someone you trust - a friend, family member, or professional - if you need a bit of extra support, and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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Fehlende Folgen?
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Unnuclear is brought to you by co-parents Lou Keck and Shae Bolton-Brown. This weekâs episode is all about the beginning - how unnuclear families come to be.
Weâre diving into the early stages of building a blended family, from those first dates through to the deeper identity shifts that come with stepping into parenting in different ways. While todayâs conversation leans more into stepfamily dynamics than co-parenting (by design), weâll be exploring co-parenting more deeply in next weekâs episode.
We start before the family even exists, talking about what itâs actually like to date when kids are already part of the picture. Whether youâre the one with children, or the one entering into that world, it brings a completely different set of considerations, emotions, and (in hindsight) blind spots. We share our own experience from both sides - what we were thinking at the time, what we didnât fully understand, and some of the things weâd do differently now.
From there, we zoom out to look at what research tells us about how blended families actually work. Drawing on the work of Patricia Papernow, we explore some of the key dynamics that shape stepfamilies - why connection can take longer than expected, the role of the biological parent as a bridge, the importance of building trust before stepping into discipline, and just how difficult step families can be for our kids. We reflect on how these ideas show up in our own lives, and how understanding them can take some of the pressure off trying to do it all perfectly.
Finally, we turn inward to talk about matrescence - the identity shift that comes with becoming a mother - and how that experience can look and feel different as a stepmum compared to becoming a biological mum. This is a more personal reflection on identity, expectations, and the emotional complexity of navigating both roles, especially as they begin to overlap.
This episode is really about letting go of the idea that blended families should look or feel like traditional ones and instead making space for something slower, more complex, and ultimately more intentional.
If youâre part of a blended family, dating someone with kids, or just curious about what it means to build a family outside the ânuclearâ norm, this oneâs for you.
Show notes:
- This week, we discuss the work of Patricia Papernow, you can read her 7 Tips for Parenting, Stepparenting, and Discipline in Stepfamilies here
- Shae mentions she's been devouring Dee Salmin's latest book, "It's Not Love, Actually" - highly recommend for anyone navigating the dating scene!
Resources
Talking about families, relationships and co-parenting can bring up different things for different people.
If this episode has brought anything up for you, please know you donât have to navigate that alone. There are support services available:
Lifeline â 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.auBeyond Blue â 1300 22 4636 or beyondblue.org.au1800RESPECT â 1800 737 732 or 1800respect.org.au.au (for support around family or domestic violence)Kids Helpline â 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged 5â25)If youâre in immediate danger or need urgent support, please call 000.
And as always, we encourage you to reach out to someone you trust - a friend, family member, or professional - if you need a bit of extra support, and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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Welcome to Unnuclear! In this introductory episode, co-hosts Lou Keck and Shae Bolton-Brown open up about who they are, how they became family, and why they felt compelled to start this podcast.
We explore the origins of our co-parenting relationship, what the first years of building a blended family has really looked like behind the scenes, and the challenges and unexpected gifts that have come with it. We also reflect on why the ânuclear familyâ narrative no longer reflects the reality for so many families today in Australia.
Along the way, we introduce the purpose of Unnuclear: to normalise and celebrate the complexity of modern families, share lived experience, and bring in expert and community voices to help others feel less alone in their own co-parenting journeys.
Itâs honest, itâs imperfect, and itâs the beginning of a much bigger conversation.
