Episodes
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Live from the Maven Space in downtown Indianapolis, Aimee Kandrac reunites with Rachel Macy Stafford, best-selling author of Hands Free Mama, Only Love Today, Soul Shift, and more. Aimee and Rachel discuss the challenge of letting go of routine, especially during times of crisis. They also share touching words of encouragement from friends and neighbors, emphasize the importance of looking after yourself, and destigmatize asking for help.
Episode Abridged Transcript
Aimee: Welcome to Kitchen Chats. Today we are coming to you live from Maven Space in downtown Indianapolis. I am so honored to have my new friend and guest, Rachel Macy Stafford, here with me today.
Rachel: Thank you. So glad to be here.
Aimee: I love to start my Kitchen Chat conversation with the same question. Do you have a moment in your life when you found yourself in the kitchen with someone where there's this major life event, and it's time to talk to a friend about what's going on?
Rachel: I definitely do. After my father-in-law died in 2017, I was just on the tail end of launching my third book Only Love Today. I was coming back from a trip to Canada and grieving, and I just had a really, really dark night where I didn't know if I wanted to stay. I wrote about it because that's the best therapy for me, and I also want people to know that you might see me having this life that seems put together but that I struggle, too.
So I put it out there and got a knock on the door within 15 minutes. I do not answer my door, but they were really persistent. And it was my next door neighbor. We're not super close, but apparently she reads everything that I post because she came right over. She is the kind of person that will go there with you. She said, âRachel, I just read your post about your dark night and about the questions that you were having. I want you to know that you don't have to be strong with me. I know you're strong for a lot of people. You can cry with me and tell me how it is.â
I carry that with me. âYou don't have to be strong with me.â I use that with people. Because how often are we told that we don't have to be strong, especially as women who are holding up so much for our families?Aimee: Thanks for sharing that with all of us. That's not something that many of us are able to admit often. And that is pretty relevant to your book and why you wrote it. It's all about: How are we showing up for our families? How are we showing up for ourselves? You wrote this book during lockdown and COVID. So how was writing this book that is so emotionally touching while you're caring a lot for your family in the world that had to be isolated?
Rachel: I definitely had a different approach to Soul Shift than I did to all my other books. In my house, the pandemic deeply affected my youngest daughter. It was one of those things where when you wake up in the morning and you're not really sure what's going to come at you because things are so unstable. I had to decide I'm not going to have a writing schedule. There was no nice, neat little calendar with chapter one this week. I could not plan a thing. And I know a lot of people during the pandemic, they couldn't plan anything.
Aimee: Even after the pandemic, as we're moving into ânormal,â when you've got a kiddo who's going through something, you can't keep that schedule. Releasing the requirement on ourselves to have a schedule is not something that I can do very well. But when you're going through a crisis, you just can't have that the same way.
Rachel: One of the things that helped me the most when I was writing a book was self compassion. I talked to myself like I would talk to a friend who was trying to do something really hard at a really hard time. There would be mornings when I would know I'm supposed to be working on this part of the book, and I just couldn't do it. So I would find myself saying, âWait a minute. What can I do today?â
I took over the ping pong table in our basement with construction paper, Sharpies, sticky notes. Even though I couldn't put sentences together, I had ideas and had things I wanted people to feel when they went through the book. So I laid out this kind of map on the ping pong table. What transpired is a book that has all this space in it. It has places to doodle, draw, and journal. It just feels like a place you can breathe because that is how I created it.Aimee: We talked on our last podcast about other ways that we can take care of ourselves, and you love to swing. What are some of your other self care tips?
Rachel: I don't like to use the term self care because it's really been commercialized, and we tend to think of things to pamper ourselves. But realistically, we don't want to put off our self care for once every six months, right? In the book, I called it the practice of looking after yourself. Because we know how to look after other people. We're really good at it. Weâre not so good at looking after ourselves.
During the pandemic, I found these swings all over Atlanta. Sitting there for 20 minutes, I would feel like a different person. I don't think anyone would say self care is getting on a swing. But it's not so much about getting on the swing. Itâs like listening. Self love starts with self listening.
Self love is also this concept that's so vague. What if self love is just listening to your body cues and verbalizing it? Just like when we look after our children, and they tell us, âI need this.â And we tend to them.
Aimee: We want to be there for other people, but we can't when we're not in the right spot.
Rachel: Exactly.
Aimee: I don't think any of us ever plan for being diagnosed with something or having an accident or having any of these things happen in life where we need to support someone else or we need to be supported. You had some of that with Avery.
Rachel: Yes, thatâs when I decided that there should be a term like companion as a verb. I am companioning her through this journey. I can't take this pain away from her. I can't solve this problem. This is something she has to go through. But I can tell her, âYou don't have to go through it alone. I'll be your companion.â
Aimee: We as friends can do that for our friends who are going through something. We have the opportunity to step in.
Rachel: We often overthink it. âWell, I donât know what to say to my friend whoâs going through this horrible crisis.â Or âI just made this loaf of bread but I donât have a dinner to go with it.â Those are things that we need to stop doing. When your heart says, âI should reach out. I should take the spread over. I should ask her if I can run to the store.â Nine times out of 10, theyâre going to say, âHow did you know?â
Aimee: I read an article this week that really resonated with me. The author suggests three Hs: Do you want to be heard? Do you want to be hugged? Or do you want to be helped? At different times, I would have different answers. I also know there are different times that I can't always help, but I can hear you, or I can give you a hug.
Rachel: We shouldn't underestimate the power of presence. Out of all the passages in the book, this is the one I'm hearing the most people have been writing to me. It was so personal to me with Avery, but apparently, this is something that a lot of people feel. I'm just going to read a portion of this little poem that I wrote after a visit to the doctor that was tough.
I am a companion
on a journey I didn't ask for --
no how-to
no instruction manual
no gentle guide to lead us.
I AM the guide,
learning as I go,
but too busy holding pieces of pain and fear to take notes.
Yet sealed in my brain,
etched on my heart,
is encouragement from my fellow companions,
those keeping close as our beloveds navigate a difficult journey.
I step off the path for a moment to let the sun warm my face and offer this message to my fellow travelers.
Never underestimate the significance of that hand on their foot,
of that assurance in your voice,
of that belief you managed to grasp out of thin air.
Your ability to connect in crisis without a manual,
without a map,
is the most direct form of love and comfort
you can offer in times of uncertainty.
Aimee: Thatâs really beautiful. And so right. Thereâs no guide. Thereâs no manual. Every situation is different. And that hand on the foot -- I really love the visualization of that. Can I just put a hand on your foot?
Rachel: I had asked ahead of time if I could hold her hand during the procedure. They said no, but her toe was literally right there. I thought maybe they wouldn't catch me holding Averyâs foot. I just wanted her to know, âI'm here. You're not alone.â
Aimee: Sometimes taking care of someone else is helpful for us. Even if I'm just a companion on the side, there's actually a lot of healing that can happen when you're helping someone. One of the goals that I had when I was starting this podcast was to destigmatize asking for and receiving help. We're supposed to be ready to do all of our own things, especially as women. But when we allow someone else to help us, they're getting something out of it, too.
Rachel: Yes. I remember that same neighbor -- she's very intuitive -- she saw me at the mailbox as I was going through some foot problems. She asked, âHow are you?â I said, âWell, I gotta have surgery on my foot.â And I will not forget what she said to me. She said, âWhen is that procedure scheduled? You better give me the date because it would be my honor to show up for you.â That's what she said to me, and that made me believe that she really did want to help. It would be my honor.
Aimee: It really is a privilege to be allowed into someone's space when they're going through anything. When someone lets you help them, how special is that? But it's hard to do. At least, it feels weird for me, and this is my job.
Rachel: No, it is hard to ask for help. But the more I do it, the more I see that weâre not supposed to navigate life alone. Weâre not designed for that.
Aimee: Humans are social creatures. Weâre not all supposed to have the same skills. Weâre not all supposed to have the same needs. But we all need that connection, and we all get so much healing when we allow everyone else to come together.
Rachel: I think it'd be important to note also that sometimes we can take the helper role too far. That's important to bring up because although it's wonderful to help someone when they're in crisis, we also have to remember that we can't fix it. I was going through that with Avery. I was reaching out for every resource under the sun and just spending enormous amounts of time like it was consuming me because I wanted to help her and support her.
My mom's here tonight, and my mom is always the voice of wisdom. She was a therapist for many, many years. I was talking about how worried I was about Avery, and my mom dropped a truth bomb on me. She said, âThe person I'm most worried about right now, Rachel, is you. And I think that you need to start investing in taking care of healing yourself because she's not the only one who's going through a traumatic event.âAimee: It is really hard.
Rachel: Basically, weâre saying thereâs no one size fits all. It's why it's so important to get in tune with yourself and to do that self listening. There's so much guidance inside us, and so to trust ourselves in saying, âMaybe this is consuming me.â
For Avery, I had to say, âI'm gonna let you lead.â And that's hard. But we want to empower them to believe: âI'm capable, I can get through this.â That's another thing that people need to hear: You are capable of handling this.
Aimee: You can. And I can be here if you want to be heard and you can't be strong today. Or if you want to hug today. I am really fortunate and lucky that I do have enough people who will remind me of those things as I'm going through something.
We are getting close to our time. As I close out all of my podcasts I like to ask my guests two final questions. The first one is: What is your favorite thing to do for someone if they are experiencing anything?Rachel: Well, that's super easy. I am the care package queen. I love to make care packages.
Aimee: Youâre going to have to talk to my mom about this.
Rachel: We could put our talents together.
Aimee: I am so thrilled that there are people in this world who love to do care packages. It clearly gives you so much joy. Please donât ever make me do a care package. The final question is: When you are going through something, what is the best thing that someone has done for you?
Rachel: I had a situation about a year ago, and I just had this huge dilemma in front of me regarding what was going on with Avery. I didn't know what to do. I texted my friend Shannon, who's mentioned in the book a lot, and told her, âI donât know what to do.â She said, âRachel, you do know what to do. You just haven't given yourself the time and the space to listen. You don't have to figure this out right now. You just have to let it have time to surface.â
She was right. I went and visited my mom and dad shortly after that conversation. My dad said I had to see the butterfly garden at their retirement home. I was literally sitting in the butterfly garden when I remembered that Shannon had this vision of these flowers just popping up, up, up. She thought it was for Avery, but actually the garden was for me. I just needed to sit and let these seeds have time to grow and root. I needed someone to tell me because I don't think I would have gotten there.Aimee: Rachel, thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate it. And thank you to our audience for listening to us today and joining us.
Resources + Links
Rachelâs Books: Soul Shift, Hands Free Mama, Hands Free Life, Only Love Today, Live Love Now
HandsFreeMama.com
Rachelâs Social Media: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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In this poignant and heartfelt podcast episode, Aimee chats with Colin Campbell, author of Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose. Colin, who experienced the tragic death of his two children, shares his personal journey. He also offers profound insights on navigating grief after profound loss and finding solace in community and traditions.
Episode Highlights
Share a heartfelt message.
After the tragic death of his two children, Colin had many messages pouring into his inbox. One of the most memorable and heartwarming came from his sonâs friend, who wrote how much his son meant to him and some of his favorite memories.
âThis kid knows what to do,â Colin said. âJust say how much youâre in pain over the loss, and then share a story.â
Donât wait to reach out.
If the situation were reversed and a friend had lost their children in a car crash, Colin doesnât think he would have reached out because of fear. Instead of leaving someone alone in their suffering, he recommends taking the braver approach letting your friend or family member know how you feel.
âWhen we lose someone whoâs dear to us and we have an earlier profound loss, we feel lonely,â Colin said. âThe idea of having a community thatâs there for us is going to be helpful in those moments.â
Lean into traditions.
Colinâs wife is Jewish, and they raised their children in the Jewish tradition. Even though Colin is an atheist, he found comfort and meaning in the Jewish burial traditions. For instance, the Mournerâs Kaddish, which is a prayer said every day for the first year after the death of a loved one, helped Colin keep re-engaging with his grief rather than compartmentalize it.
âWe leaned heavily on the Jewish traditions, and it really helped,â he said. âIt was so helpful to share these feelings with people and have them just be validated, heard, witnessed, and then processed.â
Keep reaching out.
In the early days of grief, someone may not be feeling well enough to get out of bed or interact with people. Colin recommends reaching back out a few weeks later to see if that person is ready to talk or get together. Heâs yet to hear somebody in one of his grief groups complain that theyâve gotten too much attention or love from a community.
âIf youâre going to support someone in grief, itâs so important to keep reaching out,â he said. âThatâs a beautiful way to support somebody because they will absolutely, at a certain point, say yes.â
Grief comes in waves.
When Colin first lost his children, he would weep, and he noticed people had a fear that he or they would cry if they talked about his kids. Although Colin still cries some days, he recognizes that crying isnât something to be fearful of but rather a natural part of the grieving process.
âThereâs that fear that if I really let myself feel these feelings, theyâll never stop, and Iâll be overwhelmed,â he said. âAnd thatâs not how it works. Grief comes in waves. You let it take you and trust that itâs going to bring you back.â
Resources + Links
Colin Campbell: Website, Instagram, Facebook
Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Technology has become an essential part of our lives, so itâs no surprise that it can be incredibly helpful during major life events. In this episode, Aimee sits down with Candice Smith, founder and CEO of Caregiven, to discuss practical ways to use technology during a life-changing event. They also chat about technologyâs limits and when a new app or tool may not be the right answer.
Episode Highlights
Set up a group text.
One easy way to incorporate technology during a major event is to create a group text thread to keep multiple people informed of updates at once. When creating the group, ask the people on the thread to introduce themselves, so everyone can see who they are and not just a string of numbers.
âI hate being on text threads, and thereâs just a phone number,â Candice said.
Create an online calendar.
After creating a group text, you will likely start to get an idea of how people might want to help and when theyâre free. However, this information can quickly get overwhelming with your other day-to-day responsibilities.
Consider setting up a separate online calendar to organize appointments and information related to the major life event. By creating a distinct calendar that integrates with your personal and work calendars, you can easily access important information but still temporarily hide information that can be emotionally draining when you donât need it.
âSometimes these events are draining emotionally and you donât want to be reminded while youâre at work,â Candice said. âLetâs say that today is the day that hospice is coming in. I donât necessarily want to see that during the day.â
Turn on alarms and reminders.
When Candiceâs Dad was dying from cancer, she turned on audible alarms on his iPad to remind him to drink water. Her Dad would get so annoyed with the noise that he got up to turn off the alarm, but because he was already up, he ended up drinking the water he needed.
âReminders are a great thing to physically stop somebody from their day-to-day, even if itâs just to turn it off,â Candice said.
Thereâs an app for that.
Whether youâre going through a pregnancy, breakup, or life-threatening illness, thereâs likely an app or technology that can help you navigate that life experience. Types of technologies that might help include:
Baby monitors to hear noise in another room (even if you donât have an infant)
Light fixtures for non-intrusive motion sensing
Apple Watch or alert button to detect falls
Keep in mind that when it comes to apps and technology, one size doesnât fit all and what works for you might not work for others. Also, you donât have to stick with the first app or service you try.
âNobodyâs out there Googling caregiving apps or mental health apps unless thereâs a reason -- and itâs usually a dramatic or traumatic reason,â Candice said. âFigure out what you like and what you donât like. If it continues to work, thatâs great, but you donât have to stick with it and you donât have to feel guilty breaking up with the tech either.â
Technology is not always the answer.
Technology can be a great tool when it works -- but a nightmare when it doesnât. Further, new technologies often come with a learning curve, and the peak of a life-changing crisis may not be the best time to experiment with new tools or apps.
If youâre in the middle of a crisis, consider waiting to try new technology until youâve had some time to settle and identify problems that technology may be able to simplify or solve. Also, Candice reminded listeners that technology doesnât replace the need for actually caring.
âThese instances are often the worst experience to date that somebodyâs lived through,â Candice said. âNo matter how much easier we make it by using technology ⊠it doesn't take away the fact itâs still the worst experience theyâve gone through to date.â
Resources + Links
Candice Smith: Website, LinkedIn
Caregiven: Website, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee sits down with Dawn McCord, author of âChasing Carson: A Familyâs Journey through Adolescence, Addiction and Recovery.â Dawnâs son Carson struggled with addiction during his high school years, ultimately leading to a drug overdose. On the episode, Dawn speaks candidly about the shame and stigma that often accompany addiction. She also shares how her friends offered support by just showing up when she needed it most, and how sheâs helping other families in a similar situation not feel so alone.
Episode Highlights
Addiction comes with stigma.
Although many people know somebody with a diagnosed or undiagnosed substance use disorder, such as alcoholism, addiction is not something many people openly talk about. Dawn says this is partly because our society doesnât do enough education about addiction as a disease.
âOur schools, our homes are not educated enough on the disease of addiction that we already have this form of bias that itâs something they can control or something the parents can control,â she said. âThey didnât choose to become addicted. It can happen to anyone.â
Shame can make it hard to ask for help.
The social stigma surrounding addiction often comes with feelings of shame for families with a member with a substance use disorder. This fear of being judged can make it hard for them to ask for help when they need it.
âOh my gosh itâs so hard, and pride gets in the way,â Dawn said. âWe all think itâs not going to happen to our kid. I was a Sunday school teacher. I was his youth leader. We went on mission trips.â
Just reach out.
Because of the shame and stigma, families may not know how to reach out for help when a family member is struggling with substance use and addiction. The best thing that Dawnâs friends did for her was to let her know they were thinking about their family and just show up at crucial times without being asked.
âYou donât want to ask for help,â Dawn said. âYou donât want anybody to see your kid like this. But when people do just show up, theyâre just saying to you, âWe donât care. Weâre here for you. We love him. We love you.ââ
Addiction affects families.
For every person with substance use disorder, there are about 8-10 other people affected, and the disease can affect everybody's confidence levels. When Dawnâs son struggled with addiction, his confidence level was âbelly crawlingâ and hers wasnât much higher.
âWhether itâs your child or your spouse, youâre struggling with your confidence level because you canât fix them,â she said. âYou canât. Youâre helpless. You try, and theyâre trying.â
Addiction goes together with mental health.
Addiction disorders often have links to mental health. Even before Dawnâs son started experimenting with drugs, he noticed a change in his thinking that affected his self-confidence. Also, genetics appears to play a role in addiction. In Dawnâs case, both of her sonâs grandfathers abused alcohol.
âI bet all of us have known somebody thatâs in our family or close friend that struggles with substance use disorder, whether itâs diagnosed or not,â Dawn said.
Resources + Links
Chasing Carson: A Familyâs Journey through Adolescence, Addiction and Recovery
Adolescent Addiction and Recovery
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee chats with Dr. Katie Trammel, an emergency medicine physician, to discuss practical tips for supporting loved ones during a hospital stay. From checking visitor rules to keeping a notebook handy, Katieâs insights will leave listeners equipped to better support their friends and family members during an unexpected medical emergency.
Episode Highlights
Check the visitor rules.
Donât assume that you just show up at the hospital as a guest. Even though the federal government is poised to lift the COVID-19 emergency, hospitals still sometimes limit visitors, especially during seasonal spikes in illness. Hospital websites can provide useful information about current visitor restrictions, and phone operators will also be able to assist you with finding the right floor and directions.
âYou can always call the operator and they should be able to tell you at that moment what the restrictions are,â Katie said.
Have one point of contact.
If youâre fortunate enough to have a large group of supporters during a hospital stay, consider having one person to serve as a point of contact with the medical professionals. Katie recommends making this contact person someone who understands âmedical speakâ or who has been there from the beginning and knows all of the information.
âHaving one person that speaks to everybody else is really helpful to both the patient and to the providers,â Katie said. âBecause you have one contact person, that person can relay all the information to other people, and you donât get bombarded with the same questions over and over.â
Keep pen and paper handy.
During a health emergency, thereâs a lot to keep track of and remember. Providing your friend or family member with a pen and a notebook can help them easily document tests, medications, questions to ask, and the names of the professionals who have helped them.
âPeople are coming at you from every direction, so itâs really easy to forget things,â Katie said. âA notebook is a great idea.â
Bring comforts from home.
A hospital stay can be uncomfortable and unexpected. To make a stay a little easier for a friend or family member, bring some of their personal items from home. Items to consider include:
Toothbrush and toothpaste
Blankets and pillows
Full-size towel
Shampoo and soaps
Warm socks and slippers
âInevitably a cell phone charge is one of the biggest things people ask for,â Katie said. âWe do have phone chargers available, but thatâs not always a guaranteed thing.â
Offer to help outside of the hospital.
Just because someone is in the hospital, household to-do items donât stop or resolve on their own. One big way to help a friend or family member during a hospital stay is to take care of the home items, such as:
Cleaning unwashed dishes
Doing the laundry
Getting the mail
Paying bills
Watering plants
Watching pets
âA big barrier sometimes to people getting admitted is that there are so many things at home that need to be taken care of,â Katie said âNobody plans to have an emergency where they had to be admitted, but it happens.â
Put your medical information in your phone.
An emergency can happen at any time, which is why itâs helpful to have your medical information accessible. Most smartphones, including Apple iPhones, have an emergency screen that medical providers can access without unlocking your phone. This feature allows hospital staff to see crucial information, such as your medications, medical history, allergies, and emergency contact.
âIf you arrive at the hospital and you canât talk for whatever reason, people can access that and at least have some information to start with,â Katie said.
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee chats with Phillip Sheppard, a star of the hit television show Survivor, U.S. Army veteran, and former special agent, as they discuss how to support our military members and their families. Phillip, who comes from a large military family and has a son currently serving in the Army, knows firsthand the sacrifices that soldiers and their families make. He shares insights on how to remind soldiers and veterans theyâre loved, tips for making mail day special, and how to help veterans access benefits.
Episode Highlights
Remind soldiers and veterans that theyâre loved.
Phillip comes from a large military family that now extends to his son. He knows from firsthand experience that soldiers like his son need to hear how much theyâre loved while on duty.
âCommunication is number one,â Phillip said. âYou are loved.â
Even if you donât personally know a military member or veteran, you can still find ways to remind soldiers and veterans theyâre not alone. For instance, you can volunteer to do activities for veterans.
âOnce they get back home we have to embrace them and let them know that we love them,â Phillip said.
Make mail day special.
One part of military life is mail call, where military members get letters and care packages from people they care about back home. Even though soldiers today have email and cell phones, itâs still quite meaningful to get a letter from a loved one, Phillip said.
âThereâs nothing like a well-written letter, right?â Phillip said. âA letter is something you can feel.â
Another way to let a military member know youâre thinking of them is to mail a care package, which can be especially nice for the holidays. Phillip recommends sending a soldierâs favorite item from home.
âI send my son care packages where they have fruits,â Phillip said. âFruits are his favorite goodies. Those are something he missed from when he was at home.â
Donât forget military families.
Itâs not just people enlisted in the military who make big sacrifices to protect the U.S. Spouses and children who live on bases in cities away from their home towns can also benefit from support, such as care packages of their own.
âIf your friend just had a baby, thereâs not enough diapers, right?â Phillip said. âYou can order everything online now and put in a note.â
Help veterans navigate the system.
Veterans are entitled to numerous benefits, including mental and physical healthcare and opportunities for education, rehability, and careers. However, the programs are sometimes difficult for veterans to understand or navigate. Friends and family can help support veterans by offering to go to the Veterans Affairs (VA) office with them.
âThey just need somebody to go in and hold their hand,â Phillip said. âThe VA is not a bad place to go. Sometimes a first person isnât suitable for you, but you will get the person you need to talk to, and they can get you on our journey.â
Listen without judgment.
Military members and veterans go through experiences that can forever change them, and in some cases, alter their perception of reality. One of the best ways you can help military members and veterans, particularly those who may have a mental health condition, is to listen without judgment.
âThe most important thing you can do with a loved one, or anyone, is to listen without judgment,â Phillip said. âI suspend any judgment about a personâs situation because you donât know what theyâve been through, and you donât know how that impacted them personally.â
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Phillip Sheppardâs Books: The Legend of Things Past, The Russian Job
Phillip Sheppard: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee talks with Shannon Priddy about the importance of showing up for the people in our lives, both in big events and in everyday moments. Shannon shares her insights on how even small gestures like sending a card or making a phone call can make a big difference in someone's day. She also emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of oneself in order to best show up for others.
Episode Highlights
Be there for big and small things.
When youâre able to attend big events in somebodyâs life, it can show that you care. And while you donât have to attend all big events, Shannon says taking time to attend a funeral, in particular, can be quite meaningful to someone who is grieving.
But perhaps even more than attending the big events, itâs important to show up for the little things. Regular, mundane catch-up sessions let people know whatâs going on in your life in between the big events.
âDonât just send me the wedding invitation, the graduation invitation,â Shannon said. âTell me whatâs going on during the week.â
Even five minutes can be enough.
In our fast-paced culture, we may not think a few minutes our time will be enough for someone else. But even five minutes can make a difference in somebodyâs day. One five minute idea is to mail somebody a card.
âIf all youâve got is five minutes, you know what, you showed up,â Shannon said. âYou showed up. Thatâs the key.â
Itâs okay to give half-full.
Sometimes youâre not feeling 100%. In those instances, itâs still okay to show up and give what you can because it feels good to give and good to receive. For instance, you may not be able to bring a lasagna, but you can sit with someone for a little bit.
âIâm able to give you just a little bit of my presence,â Shannon said. âI know that Iâm helping, and it feels really good to allow someone the opportunity to give.â
Itâs okay to say no, too.
Many times when you show up for someone, it can re-energize and recharge you. But sometimes, your cup is drained, and you need to put boundaries in place. Make sure you take care of yourself and before you show up for others.
âThere is nothing wrong with boundaries,â Shannon said. âAll theyâre doing is letting us fill our cup.â
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Shannon Priddy: Twitter, LinkedIn
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Natural disasters and emergencies can strike at any moment, and it's essential to be prepared. But where do you start? Aimee chats with Chad Priest, Vice President of the Southwest and Rocky Mountain division of the American Red Cross, to discuss practical tips for emergency preparedness. Chad also shares tips for helping others experiencing an emergency -- whether theyâre your nextdoor neighbors or miles away.
Episode Highlights
Know your neighbors.
The single best predictor of whether you are able to get through a crisis is whether you know your next door neighbors. Thatâs because people who know their neighbors tend to do things to help out.
âThereâs a point at which the logistics chain just doesnât work,â Chad said. âSomething as simple as having a list of five people around and their names and phone numbers is an enormously resilient strategy -- so much that if you did that and didnât do anything else, I can pretty much predict youâd be fine during most issues.â
Chad stressed that digital apps, like Nextdoor, arenât a substitute for real-world connection. But he knows that meeting the neighbors isnât as easy as it may sound.
âI donât want to sound pedantic about this because this is what I do for a living, and even I donât know my neighbors, so Iâm acutely aware of how difficult this is in the way weâve organized society,â he said. âWe live in a society and our social network ultimately predicts our survival in pretty much every way.â
Stay disciplined during a crisis.
As part of Chadâs work at the Red Cross, he studies actions that can help people better manage during a crisis. One of those markers is to keep a sense of regularity during emergencies. Itâs a tactic his family employed during the COVID-19 pandemic by keeping steady wakeup times.
âPeople who can enforce discipline through change do much better,â Chad said.
Keep 2 days worth of essentials.
Beyond knowing your neighbors and keeping a routine, you can prepare for an emergency by keeping a minimal amount of preparations in your house. A good measure is whether you could get through a day or two without power.
In his basement, Chad keeps water, flashlights, and helmets for tornado-prone Indiana. The Red Cross website has materials to help make sure youâre prepared for different types of emergencies.
Itâs okay to be uncomfortable.
What do you say to someone whoâs lost their house? Due to Chadâs job, he gets to see people almost always when theyâre at their worst, and the best piece of advice he has is to help a friend going through a crisis to be present to their situation. If you donât know what to say, Chad recommends: âIâm sorry for your lossâ or âIâm thinking about you.â
âYou take for granted the invitation youâve been given to be present with people in that space,â Chad said. âItâs really raw and vulnerable.â
Keep checking in.
The effects of a disaster donât end when the emergency does, which is why it can be beneficial to keep checking in on friends and family even months later to make sure they know theyâre in your thoughts.
âThe truth is that after a disaster thereâs a trauma response,â Chad said.
Normal signs of trauma after a disaster include fear, anxiety, stress, inability to sleep, and lack of appetite. If a friend is experiencing these signs, it can be reassuring to tell them this is normal.
âWe need to say the events that you find yourself in are abnormal, but that your reaction is completely normal,â Chad said. âFriends can do that for each other.â
Tap into your desire to help.
Humans are hardwired to help after a crisis, but sometimes, you may not have a readily available outlet to help. In that case, Chad recommends leaning into your desire to help by giving time or money to a local organization.
âWe really want you to tap into that and say yes to where you live,â Chad said. âDonât ignore it. Donât say thereâs nothing I can do. ⊠Do some good.â
Resources + Links
American Red Cross Resources
âA Paradise Built in Hell: The Extraordinary Communities That Arise in Disaster,â Rebecca Solnit
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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With layoffs making headlines, Aimee chats with Jenni Salisbury, a human resources (HR) director in the international hospitality industry, to discuss how to navigate major life situations at work. Jenni shares tips to help friends and coworkers going through layoffs, family emergencies, and health crises. Jenni also touches on how workplaces can support employees during challenging times and the importance of open communication.
Episode Highlights
Layoffs are a major life event.
When you think about traumatic life events, car crashes and family emergencies may first come to mind. But Jenni says that layoffs are also unexpected, stressful, and anxiety-inducing events.
âA layoff is a major life situation.â âItâs any situation thatâs taking you away from your circle and your routine.â
For many people, layoffs donât just come with financial challenges but emotional ones. We spend much of our lives at work and many people tie their identity to their job.
âSometimes people feel like theyâve lost a part of themselves or some of their personality,â Jenni said. âSupporting people through that is really important.â
Some ways to help a friend recently affected by a layoff include:
Recommending them to other people in your network.
Treating them to coffee or ice cream and giving them a space to share whatâs on their mind.
Setting up a regular cadence to meet with them, so they donât get isolated.
Giving them a big congratulations and card when they do land their next job.
Tell your workplace whatâs going on.
If youâre in the middle of a major life situation, Jenniâs biggest tip is to talk to somebody at your workplace about it -- whether thatâs the human resources department or your manager. Employers have two ways to help:
They can be active listeners and use compassion and empathy to help guide you through an unfamiliar situation.
They can take action and let you know what options are available.
âSometimes people panic because they donât know what to do or might just not come into work because theyâre so caught up in the situation that other things are falling by the side,â Jenni said. âIf their employer doesnât know, itâs hard for them to help.â
Know the resources you have available.
Some states, including California, Oregon, and soon-to-be Colorado, are expanding paid family leave. While the programs do not cover every situation, they can provide financial resources in situations related to your own personal health or your immediate family.
Workplaces also often have their own programs and benefits that can help in certain situations. Types of benefits may include:
Short-term disability
Family bonding time
Adoption assistance
Complimentary counseling sessions
Telemedicine appointments
Various types of paid and unpaid leave
âThereâs different benefits that companies are coming out with to recruit and retain and help care for people through all different kinds of life events,â Jenni said.
What to do when your coworker is struggling.
People tend to get to know their coworkers well, often celebrating big milestones like marriages, births, and promotions, as well as helping them through tough times like death and divorces. As such, you can probably tell if your coworker is not their typical self.
If you have a good relationship with that person, consider asking whether theyâre okay and if they need help. If you donât feel comfortable having that conversation directly, you can still help by bringing up your concerns to their manager.
âItâs the coworker who hears about the situation first that this colleague needs help before the manager or supervisor or human resources,â Jenni said.
How to help an employee coming to you.
If youâre the employer or a supervisor of an employee going through a hard time, the first thing you should do in most cases is have an honest conversation. Ask your employee:
Whatâs going on?
Whatâs on your mind?
What do you think the next step should be?
By knowing whatâs going on, you can start to provide resources and options:
If your employee has to attend a funeral, does your company have bereavement pay available?
If your employee is experiencing a mental health crisis, does your company have an employee assistance program that offers complimentary counseling sessions or a health plan that comes with telemedicine appointments to therapists?
If your employee gets a phone call letting them know something significant has happened, do they want to take a longer break or go home for the day to collect themselves?
âIf we donât have those conversations, itâs hard to care for the person in the way that they should be cared for in that stressful moment,â Jenni said. âWithout some kind of communication or conversation, itâs very hard to offer the next step or recommendations or resources.â
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Forget Valentineâs Day and Presidentsâ Day -- the best February holiday may just be Random Acts of Kindness Day on February 17. Aimee brings back to the podcast the Queen of Kindness (and her Mom) Fran Kandrac to talk about what makes this lesser known holiday so special. Fran and Aimee also share ideas to make someoneâs day brighter without breaking the bank.
Episode Highlights
Send a handwritten note.
A popular suggestion to spread kindness mentioned on the podcast is the handwritten note, and Fran agrees it can be a great choice to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness Day.
The note doesnât have to be very long (a few sentences will do) and can be sent on its own or with a token of appreciation like a gift card. However, if youâre short on time, you can send your message in text.
âIf you intend to write that note, and you didnât get it done, you can still send a text,â Fran said.
Roll up your sleeves.
Not all Random Acts of Kindness are sentimental. You can show appreciation for friends and neighbors by helping up with some physical tasks and chores, which may be especially welcome if someone has an illness.
Some ideas include:
Taking out the neighborâs trash
Shoveling the neighborâs sidewalk
Offering to run errands
Hanging pictures
Cleaning the gutters
âItâs nice to say, âDo you have a honey do list that we can help you with?ââ Fran said.
Compliments don't cost a thing.
There are ways to celebrate Random Acts Of Kindness Day without spending money. Fran encourages giving a smile and quick compliment whether passing someone at a grocery store or for a coworker at the office.
âIf youâre in an office, compliment somebody or even leave a random post it note on their desk with a compliment,â Fran said. âWe all can use a pick me up.â
Donât forget to show kindness to yourself.
It feels good to give to others. In fact, studies have confirmed people feel better when they give rather than receive. However, donât forget to also give yourself random acts of kindness.
âIâve always enjoyed having fresh flowers and I buy them for myself,â Fran said. âYou can buy them for yourself as a kindness any day and do something nice for yourself because we all deserve it.â
Spread kindness more than one day a year.
Sure, February 17 may be the official Random Acts of Kindness Day, but you can celebrate the occasion whenever you want to. One idea is to designate one day a year as the Random Acts of Kindness Day for your family.
âI love Random Acts of Kindness Day,â Fran said. âEven if all you do that day is smile at people, youâll feel better and theyâll feel better.â
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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When a life-changing event happens, itâs not just the humans who are affected. Pets can also experience a range of emotions, including grief, anxiety, and stress. To learn more about the impact of crises on our furry friends, Aimee chats with veterinarian Dr. Steve Nichols. Dr. Nichols explains the effects of stress on pets and shares tips for caring for pets during a crisis -- whether theyâre your own or a friendâs loyal companions.
Episode Highlights
Pets grieve, too.
The human-animal bond is strong. To many pets, their owners are the greatest humans on the planet, and pets can feel when owners change the way they are living. When pets grieve, they can show it through changing behaviors like not eating, vocalizing, or hiding.
âItâs very hard for our furry friends,â Dr. Nichols said. âThey show grief sometimes differently than we would think they would.â
Pets need routine.
During a crisis, it's important to consider the impact on both the human and the pet. Pets like routines and when their routine is disrupted, it can be confusing and stressful for them. Keeping the routine as close to normal as possible can help maintain the bond.
âThe dog is used to its routine, or the cat is used to its routine, and the horse is used to its routine,â Dr. Nichols said. âWhenever that is broken, theyâre lost and we can start to see it.â
Get a check up for stressed pets.
To comfort a grieving pet at home, give them extra love and attention, such as by taking them on an extra walk, sitting with them, or petting them. But sometimes pets need more than just extra TLC.
If your life has changed and your pet starts to act differently, it could be worth calling a veterinarian, who will have tools to help manage the behaviors of grieving, anxious, or stressed animals. For instance, when cats are stressed, their cortisol levels increase, which in turn causes issues with eating and their urinary bladder.
âIf those things start happening, I would encourage getting that pet to a veterinarian so they can maybe come up with some things that will alleviate some of that stress,â Dr. Nichols said.
Tips when caring for someone elseâs pet.
If youâre going to watch someone elseâs pet as a favor, Dr. Nichols suggests being respectful and sticking to the pet's routine as much as possible to avoid confusion and stress for the pet. For instance, donât assume itâs okay to move a catâs litter box.
âWe have the potential to create problems if we donât stick to whatâs been going on in the household,â Dr. Nichols said.
Communication is key.
Whether youâre the person watching a pet or the owner in need of help, Dr. Nichols stressed the importance of communicating and understanding the pet's preferences and habits, such as if a dog likes to go to the dog park or not. Itâs crucial for owners to be upfront about the dogâs characteristics and potential problems for the benefit of the pet and your friends.
âSome people donât feel comfortable sharing that information, which just creates another potential problem,â Dr. Nichols said. âAs long as everybodyâs honest and open, it works out much better.â
Resources + Links
The Integrative Veterinary Clinic
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn
About Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aging, sickness, and death are inevitable parts of life, but that doesnât make it any easier to talk with your parents about their future care wishes. To help start the conversation, Aimee chats with Cameron Huddleston, a financial journalist and author of âMom and Dad, We Need to Talk,â a book about how to have essential conversations with aging parents. Cameron shares some of her best tips from the book and the personal story that inspired her to write it in the first place.
Episode Highlights
Get documents in place during good times.
Cameron stressed the importance of getting the right documents into place before someone has a life-threatening health event, life-changing diagnosis, or shows signs of dementia. These documents include:
Healthcare power of attorney to make medical decisions Will and estate plan Living will that specifies end-of-life medical care desiresCameron prioritized getting these documents into place when her Mom was first diagnosed with Alzheimerâs disease at age 65. This made it possible for her to eventually take over her Momâs finances and healthcare when her disease progressed and she needed to be moved into a memory care facility.
âThese estate planning documents are so important,â Cameron said. âThey have to be drafted and signed while youâre still competent.â
Start talking with parents in their 50s.
While Cameronâs background as a financial journalist prepared her for the money and legal aspects of being a caregiver for a parent, she wasnât ready for the tough conversations about other care aspects and wishes she had started asking her Mom about her end-of-life and healthcare preferences sooner.
âThis is one of my regrets because we didnât have those conversations,â she said. âOne of the reasons why I wrote my book is because people need to have these conversations before there is a health emergency, before thereâs a financial emergency, because at that point, itâs too late.â
Cameron recommends starting to talk with parents about their health desires when theyâre in their 50s because theyâre likely still healthy and doing fine. Thatâs because discussions about aging arenât just one conversation, but a series of conversations that could take months or even years.
âThe sooner you can start, the better,â she said. âYou can start by simply asking âwhat ifâ scenarios.â
Break the ice by taking action first.
If you feel uncomfortable bringing these topics up to your parents, start by putting together your own plans first and sharing what youâre doing with your family. You can create or update essential documents and tell your spouse, children, and parents your desires for care in the future.
Topics to cover in the conversations include:
Do you have a living will? What kind of care do you want if youâre hospitalized and canât make decisions? Do you have a medical power of attorney? Have you named someone to make medical decisions for you? What insurance policies do you have? Do you have life insurance? Do you have a will or trust? Where can I find those documents? What bills do you have to pay? Are your bills paid automatically? Do you still write checks? Do you still pay a mortgage? What income do you use to pay your bills?Create a document with important information.
It can be helpful for parents to create a document with important information as well as information about how and when to access it in case of an emergency or life-changing event.
Make sure to include:
Income, debt, and bill information Bank accounts and investment information Locations of property deeds and merit certificates Social security number or location of social security card Medicare number and medical history Copy of estate planning documents or location of estate planning documentsInclude siblings in the conversations.
One word of caution from Cameron is to give your siblings a heads up that you will be talking to parents about health and end-of-life issues, including asking them about their finances. If you donât include siblings in the initial conversation, sometimes they can be resentful or suspicious later on.
You also want to have a conversation before any major events about the roles siblings will play when parents get old. Siblings can even go to their parents with suggestions for who should have power of attorney, who should be the executor of the estate, and who should oversee financial matters.
âIf you can come to an agreement beforehand and there is an emergency, you know what rolls you need to fill,â she said.
Pushback is normal.
Even if you talk with a loved one in advance about their desires, that doesnât mean it will be any easier when it comes time to act. Itâs common for an aging relative to be upset about losing their independence, whether taking away the car keys or moving in with a relative for better care. However, if youâve had the conversation in advance, you can at least take comfort in knowing itâs a choice your relatives agreed to when they were healthy.
âWhen you get to that point and have to put that plan into action, you know youâre doing what the person would have wanted you to do,â Cameron said. âThey might not agree with it at the time because theyâre no longer thinking the same way, but you know this is what they wanted when they were of sound mind and could make an informed decision.â
Resources + Links
Cameron Huddleston: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn âMom and Dad, We Need to Talkâ Kitchen Chats on YouTube Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee chats with the Hands Free Mama, Rachel Macy Stafford, about helping kids through times of crisis. Aimee and Rachel discuss the importance of communicating with children in a way they can understand, knowing when to set boundaries, and taking care of yourself. Rachel also talks about her new book, Soul Shift.
Episode Highlights
Kids are intuitive.
Children have an intuitive sense of when a parent is struggling. Being open about vulnerabilities and struggles can be a way for parents to connect with their children during difficult times.
âMy humanness is not a weakness in my relationship with my child; itâs a strength,â Rachel said. âItâs a point of connection with her.â
Kids learn how to handle tough times from adults.
Children watch their parents and model their behavior. In times of crisis, this means parents can just as easily model unhealthy coping mechanisms for their kids as healthy coping mechanisms.
âMy kids are learning how to navigate this crisis by watching how Iâm navigating this crisis and how Iâm handling this stressor,â Rachel said.
Communicate in ways that kids can understand.
A while ago, Rachel noticed a pattern that she acted âlike a mean taskmasterâ to her children before events out in public, which was driven by her anxiety. As she worked on changing her behavior, she put her anxiety in language her children could understand, explaining that she worried whether sheâd belong or find a friend.
âBy articulating whatâs happening, kids donât internalize it or think, âMomâs mad at me,ââ Rachel said.
Know when to step back.
Rachel is in the process of going through an experience with her teenage daughter. Sheâs had to learn when to step in and help, when to step back and let her teenage daughter gain her own self-care skills, and when to set boundaries.
âThe more I tried to intervene and project my feelings and my ideas on this experience, the more Iâm taking away from her ability to navigate a crisis for herself,â Rachel said. âWe want to raise young people who feel confident and capable for making these decisions.â
Remember to take care of yourself, too.
When it comes to getting out of your kidsâ way and healing yourself, Rachel suggests thinking about the things that brought you joy as a child. For her, itâs going to the library to have a good, quiet time.
âAlright, Rachel,â Rachel said. âYou donât need to make healing Avery your lifeâs purpose. You need to go invest in things that will help you be a healthy companion for her on her journey.â
Resources + Links
Rachelâs Newest Book: Soul Shift Rachelâs Other Books: Hands Free Mama, Hands Free Life, Only Love Today, Live Love Now HandsFreeMama.com Rachelâs Social Media: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram Kitchen Chats on YouTube Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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The first season of Kitchen Chats focused on the first people you call during a crisis. But what if you have no one to call? Or if the people you reach out to donât step up? Aimee brings back her sister, Stephanie, who is also a licensed therapist. Stephanie shares that feeling alone, isolated, or abandoned is a common experience and gives tips for finding resources and building community.
Episode Highlights
If you feel alone, youâre not alone.
As a therapist, Stephanie knows itâs common for people to feel abandoned, alone, or isolated. For some, even talking about it to a therapist like Stephanie can be hard.
âThere are so many moments where we can feel like we donât have anybody to call, even if we have a big circle,â Stepahnie said. âAnd there are also moments when we realize that we donât have a circle.â
Get to know your community.
The technology age has made knocking on your neighborâs door a little more awkward than it used to be. But if youâre proactive about building your community, you wonât have to be reactive when times get tough. One way to build community is to ask people in your area for resource recommendations like counselors and therapists.
âThat way, you do have those numbers in your back pocket when or if the time comes you need them and youâre not scrambling to try and figure it out,â she said.
Be a smart shopper.
If youâre looking to build or refine your inner circle, consider who youâre asking to help with what. When Stephanie talks with clients and friends, she uses the analogy of being a smart shopper. For instance, if you go to the hardware store to buy bread, youâre going to be disappointed.
âI use this analogy of being a smart shopper for learning to know who in your life can offer what,â she said. âNot everybody is going to be your Target, and you donât want everybody to be Target. You need specialty stores, too.â
Not everyone has to be a friend.
Not everyone you reach out to in tough times has to be a friend. Members of a faith community, support groups, and community centers can all help directly or connect you with resources. Stephanie also recommends reaching out to a therapist.
âReaching out to a therapist is never a bad idea,â she said. âEven if that therapist isnât the right fit for you, they can help you find some of the other resources that you do need.â
When someone comes to you.
Sometimes, you may not realize youâre a personâs âkitchen counterâ kind of friend until they open up to you. At that time, itâs important to consider how to hold space and ask how you can support them.
âWe never know what we mean to someone else,â Stephanie said. âWe donât know when we may be the person that someone else needs.â
Donât forget you can call or text 988.
If youâre feeling at a point of desperation or loneliness, you can always text or dial 988 for the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. When you call, someone will be there to answer who wants to talk to you.
âYouâre worth talking to,â Stephanie said. âEvery single one of us is always worth talking to even when we feel like we are not. That can be hard to hold in some moments of real desperation, but I really hope people know that theyâre valued, theyâre loved, theyâre worthy.â
Resources + Links
If you need someone to talk to, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Kitchen Chats on YouTube Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Aimee recaps the highlights and memorable moments from the first season of Kitchen Chats. Sheâs joined by one of her long-time friends, Cara Gutzmer, who has shared many kitchen counter moments in their lives. Aimee also reads kitchen counter moments submitted by listeners and clarifies her lasagna law.
Episode Highlights
Behind the scenes: Inside the guest experience.
Season 1 has featured many of Aimeeâs friends and family, starting with her sister in the very first episode. Although some guests have appeared virtually, most of the guests in the first season have recorded the podcast in Aimeeâs actual kitchen.
Before recording begins, Aimee offers each in-person guest a cup of tea. Guests can also pick from a variety of coasters with quirky phrases. The most popular coaster this season says: âYou know youâre old anytime youâre entering your date of birth with a smartphone, and you get to the gear, and you have to spin that bitch like youâre on the Wheel of Fortune.â
For the record: Aimee has broken her foot three times.
Throughout the season, Aimee mentioned multiple times that she has broken her foot, which led listeners to wonder just how many times Aimeeâs been in a boot. The answer is three times, including the time she was hit by a car (another story mentioned on the podcast).
Aimeeâs also not the only member of her family to have foot troubles. Her son and husband both have experienced broken feet or ankles, and her daughter was on crutches for a while.
âI do have an accident prone family,â Aimee said.
Listener stories: Your kitchen moments.
After the first episode, listeners started reaching out to Aimee with their own kitchen moments. The season finale is the perfect time to share some stories that listeners submitted for the show.
Your kitchen counter moments include big and small occasions including:
Calling up a close friend after the unexpected death of a father. A friend who came over late at night and said, âYouâre going to be okay.â A 13-year-old child who came out as gay at the breakfast table.âA lot of times we feel like these kitchen moments are major crises in life,â Aimee said. âIâm not sure that they always are. Sometimes theyâre just changes in direction in life that can be really, really beautiful.â
Fun fact: Aimee does not hate lasagna.
One recurring bit on season 1 is Aimeeâs lasagna law: If youâre going to bring someone a meal, make something other than lasagna. The law started when Aimee ended up with a freezer full of lasagna after the birth of her son. Her family couldnât eat that much lasagna, and she had to remember which glass storage container belonged to each friend.
Despite the lasagna lawâs frequent mention on the podcast, Aimee really does enjoy lasagna and makes it herself. Cara also suggested an amendment to the lasagna law that Aimee agrees with: If youâre going to serve lasagna, serve it in smaller dishes, like a bread pan, so it doesnât have to be unfrozen all at once.
âIf anyone ever needs to bring me a lasagna that is that size, that would be best,â Aimee said. âI really like that idea.â
Resources + Links
Kitchen Chats on YouTube Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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To-do items like scheduling appointments and planning meals are essential tasks to keep the household functioning, and the mental load of managing these tasks doesnât stop when life gets chaotic. Aimee chats with Ashley Butler, the founder and CEO of MySherri, about the most common home care tasks her companyâs clients ask for help with. Ashley also breaks down why âhaving it allâ is a myth and shares why itâs sometimes harder to accept help than to ask for it.
Episode Highlights
Keeping track of to-dos is a mental burden -- that often falls on women.
Everyday to-do list items like doing a load of laundry or running errands are essential for keeping households functioning, but they also require mental processing. In our culture, this mental load often falls disproportionately on women.
âWomen still manage more,â Ashley said. âThey manage more in terms of time, and calendaring, and childcare, and in the household duties. Itâs not that our partners arenât supportive, but there's an underlying cultural movement here that weâre starting to reframe and rewrite.â
âHaving it allâ is a myth.
Women especially tend to feel that they should be âdoing it allâ or âhaving it all.â Finding or hiring help for home care tasks can free up valuable time for women, which is why Ashley started her home services company MySherri and why she speaks to the true messiness of life.
âLife is messy,â she said. âItâs not perfect. Itâs not the curated Instagram real. We are doing a disservice to ourselves by inundating our brains with this perfect imagery.â
Ideas to help friends at home.
Not everyone can afford to hire someone to come into their home and help them out. But if you want to help a friend or family member going through a hard time, Ashley has a few ideas that are popular with MySherri clients:
Create a meal plan Prep food to cook later Do a load of laundry Wash the dishes Water the plants Make some phone calls Schedule (or reschedule) appointments Run an errand Arrange transportation for family members Sort mail into piles of important, entertainment, and junkâThereâs a lot of the things we think of as mundane or trivial, but it stacks up in our minds,â Ashley said.
Accepting help is hard.
One factor Ashley has encountered in her role as CEO is that itâs often difficult for people to ask for and accept help, and sometimes, the accepting part is harder. Thatâs the case for Ashley, who is currently overwhelmed by the process of finding an executive assistant for her business.
âIâm over here struggling,â Ashley said. âI got stuck myself in the gap of asking for help and then receiving because it feels so overwhelming. What do I ask for? How do I ask for it? How do I download it?â
Resources + Links
MySherri Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Kitchen Chats with Aimee Kandrac Episode 9: Helping Friends Who Live Far Away
You canât always physically be there for someone when a life-changing event happens, so Aimee chats with Ali Cudby about how to help long-distance friends and family. Ali opens up about how sheâs supported her family from a distance and navigated the complex emotions that sometimes come with being far away. She also shares how she remotely connects with friends for support when they canât be at her kitchen counter.
Episode Highlights
Not being close to relatives comes with mixed emotions.
Ali moved from Washington, DC, to Boston around the time her motherâs health started to decline. The move came with mixed emotions, and since the COVID-19 pandemic, she doesnât get to visit her mother as she used to. This has meant that Ali largely manages her Momâs care remotely.
âFor everything I do to support her, it also comes with a side dish of guilt that Iâm not there doing it in person,â Ali said.
Hiring support can help when youâre not close by.
If you have the financial resources, hiring support can be a great way to aid family members you donât live close to. For instance, hiring a dog walker can ensure a beloved pet gets adequate exercise and that someone is regularly checking in on your family member.
âYou have the benefit of having another person coming in and checking on the human, but itâs also a nice neck and balance to make sure the dog is getting the care they need,â Ali said.
Your âkitchen counterâ may be digital.
Many of Aliâs closest friends, the ones she calls during hard times, are all over the country, so she canât sit down with them at her kitchen counter. But she can talk with her friends over the phone or through WhatsApp.
âItâs having those friends to talk to and be able to say the hard things that arenât always the socially acceptable things, or the pretty things, or the things that you would ever put on any kind of social media,â Ali said.
Sometimes being further away can bring you closer.
Sometimes not always being in the same location as friends and family can make it easier for them to talk to you about sensitive topics. This is the case for Ali and her teenage niece and nephew.
âMy niece and my nephew know that Iâm family but also that they can talk to me,â Ali said. âSometimes, itâs helpful to have that friend or that person to talk to who is a little bit outside the circle.â
Resources + Links
Ali Cudbyâs Socials: Twitter, LinkedIn Ali Cudbyâs Websites: Alignment Growth Strategies, CXology Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Life-changing events can be a regular occurrence and especially challenging for families that have someone with special needs, something that Jen DeMotte knows first-hand as the parent of a child with special needs and autism. On the episode, Aimee chats with Jen about some of the most helpful things other people have done for her family during difficult circumstances. Jen also gets real about some of the challenges of being a parent to a child with special needs as well as the moments of joy and connection.
Episode Highlights
Special needs families may be reluctant to accept help.
If a family has a member with special needs, their daily life will be very specialized and likely incredibly different from yours. Oftentimes, people with special needs struggle with changes to their routines and have unique health needs that can make it difficult for families to accept help.
âHow we live life is so different and specialized,â Jen said. âA lot of times when folks offer to help itâs difficult for me to accept.â
If you do want to help a family with special needs, Jen recommends directly asking what you can do to help. Suggestions include:
Doing the laundry Buying a Costco-size version of a favorite snack (with approval) Sitting with a caregiver while they make insurance calls Carpooling other family members to places they need to goDonât judge.
The home of a person with special needs is often one of their only safe places in the world where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. So if youâre helping someone with special needs -- especially in their home -- make sure youâre respecting that safe, judgment-free space. You also should stick to routines and follow instructions given by parents and caregivers even if you donât understand why things must be done in a particular way.
âIt is hard when someone comes into our house and says, Why donât you just do this?ââ Jen said. âBecause it doesnât work. Everything we do is different.â
Be ready for anything.
Offering to help a person with special needs means being prepared to help with tasks you may find weird. For instance, when Jen was potty training her then-8-year-old daughter, therapists recommended that her daughter not wear pants around the house, so she could understand what was happening. While the technique may sound odd to outsiders, it worked, and even years later, Jen is grateful to people who helped her family during that time.
âYou just need one person to be like, âJust tell me what youâre doing, and I will do it, and you can take a breath,ââ Jen said.
Sometimes the best help is just to listen.
Daily life can sometimes be challenging for parents of a child with special needs, and the best thing you can do is just to sit and listen. That can mean comforting a parent if they need to vent or celebrating a milestone, even if it looks different than you might expect.
âI love our life, but sometimes life is really hard,â Jen said. âThereâs joy in those kitchen counter moments where some says, âJust tell me about your day. What happened?ââ
Resources + Links
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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When a life-changing event happens, paperwork inevitably follows. Aimee chats with Brian Thompson, JD, CFP, about the types of documents you want to have ready in case of an emergency. Brian also shares tips for picking professionals to help organize your legal and financial affairs and to make sure your friends and family know who to call in an emergency.
Episode Highlights
Start where you are.
While it can be uncomfortable to think about our own death or becoming disabled, those feelings are normal. With his clients, Brian begins by digging into the reasons why someone would be motivated to create an estate plan, such as leaving a legacy or taking care of their family. That motivation can often help them complete tedious tasks they might have put off otherwise.
âItâs scary to think about the worst things happening to you,â Brian said. âIf you start with the why, we can then build a plan around that.â
Types of paperwork to consider.
Documents and policies you want to consider creating and keeping up-to-date include:
An estate plan Disability insurance Health insurance Life insuranceFor life insurance, Brian recommends keeping your life insurance policy separate from your other investments. This is most commonly done through term life insurance.
âWith term insurance, youâre covered for the next 30 years while you build your wealth, grow your family, and take care of your kids,â Brian said. âAfter that 30 years, youâll likely wonât need it anymore because youâll be self-insured.â
While most people think about life insurance, you shouldnât forget disability insurance -- especially because youâre 2- to 3-times more likely to become disabled than to die.
âYour biggest asset is your earning potential,â Brian said. âItâs not your house, itâs not your investment accounts, itâs your ability to earn money for decades, and if you arenât able to do that, youâre in trouble, right?â
Secure your documents.
Youâll want to create a place where you securely store all of your important documents. Brianâs clients use an online portal for their estate plan, tax documents, cashflow documents, and more.
âIn times of emergency, you already have enough stress,â Brian said. âItâs just going to add more stress to you to find where the documents are or that theyâre 15 years old or having to get them organized.â
Brian also recommends creating a document that outlines all of your important information, such as your property, assets, people to contact, estate planner, insurance broker, and financial advisor. You can even Google âWhat My Family Should Knowâ or âWhat My Family Should Knowâ to find templates you can fill out.
âIf you donât feel like you can afford a financial plan, this is a great place to start,â Brian said.
Hire the right professionals.
If the thought of all this paperwork is making your head spin, youâre not alone. It can be overwhelming, which is why itâs helpful to have the right professionals.
âFriends and family will be there for you and will support you emotionally, but the nuts and bolts of the specifics of what needs to be done, you leave that to a professional,â Brian said. âThe great thing about estate plans is that they can also provide a caveat that the person who is designated can hire a professional to help.â
Brian recommends having a good estate planning lawyer in your area to make sure you have the proper estate plan documents and that those documents are worded correctly, since estate laws are state specific. He also recommends hiring a financial planner who can take you step-by-step through the process.
âI always suggest going to a fee-only planner because then thereâs no conflict of interest,â he said.
Resources + Links
Financial Planning Resources: XY Planning Network, NAPFA, FPA Brian Thompson: Website, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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Itâs the holidays! In any given year, the season between Thanksgiving and New Yearâs can be just as stressful as it is joyful, and those feelings are only compounded when a loved one is going through a hard time. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to bring cheer to your friends and family. Aimee and her Mom Fran Kandrac share easy, thoughtful ways to make the holidays a little brighter for those having a tough year.
Episode Highlights
Send a care package.
Care packages are one of Franâs favorite ways to show someone sheâs thinking about them. Whether mailed or dropped off in person, a care package an opportunity to give your friend items that may help or delight them.
Here are some items you may want to include:
Seasonal cards and markers Tea bags and cookies Essential food and grocery items Hersheyâs kisses A joke bookHelp with outdoor work.
The holidays come at the time of year when fall gives way to winter, which can mean piles of leaves in the yard. Consider rounding up a group of friends to rake the yard and clear the gutters. Bonus: You can have hot cider on hand to make the activity extra merry.
You can also ask your friend if you can decorate their house for the holidays or help take down existing decorations. However, make sure to ask your friend first whether itâs okay to decorate and if they have any style guidelines.
âNo matter what youâre doing ⊠ask your friend what they want, and then respect what they tell you,â Fran said.
Tell your friend youâre thinking of them.
On the day of a holiday, you may be hesitant to text or call your friend because you donât want to interrupt. But reaching out to a friend on a holiday can be a great way to bring a little cheer.
âIf you know theyâre probably not having a good day, you can simply say, âIâm thinking about you today,ââ Fran said.
If your friend is lonely, the interruption may be more than welcome. However, donât expect your friend to be able to talk or respond right away.
Make Christmas presents with the kids.
If your friend has kids and celebrates Christmas, offer to watch the kids for an afternoon and help them make and wrap presents for the family. You can also bake and decorate cookies or do Christmas-themed crafts. As a bonus, youâll also be giving your friend an added gift of an afternoon to themselves.
âIt allows your friend time to take a nap, clean the house, or binge watch a couple of TV shows,â Fran said.
Host a cookie exchange.
The holidays arenât complete without baked goods, and one easy way to bring some cheer is with cookies. Consider hosting a cookie exchange in which about a dozen friends each bring a few dozen cookies to swap. If your friend doesnât have the time or energy to bring cookies, they can still come and have a variety of cookies to take home.
Remember: Cookies donât have to be homemade. Store-bought cookies are just as festive, and some people prefer them.
âStore-bought stuff is really good, and sometimes a lot of people prefer store bought,â Fran said. âThereâs nothing wrong with that, and they can look beautiful on a big platter or several small platters.â
Resources + Links
Aimee Kandrac: Website, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn WhatFriendsDo: Website, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedInAbout Aimee and WhatFriendsDo
Aimee Kandrac is a speaker, consultant, and the co-founder and CEO of WhatFriendsDo. Her work is instrumental for organizing support during life-changing events, and she speaks to organizations about creative ways to help friends and family during times of crisis. Aimee has been recognized as a Top 50 Mompreneur by Babble.com and is the first female CEO in the state of Indiana to close a $500,000 funding round. She has been featured in Forbes, Time, the LA Times, Oprah.com, the Indianapolis Star, and more.
WhatFriendsDo is a simpler way to create organized and actionable support during a time of crisis. The free, online platform empowers healthcare facilities, HR departments, families, and friends to easily coordinate meals, errands, transportation, childcare, communication, and more for those in the midst of a life-changing event. The women-founded and women-led company started as a solution for a friend with terminal cancer. WhatFriendsDo is based out of Indianapolis.
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